headlines found matching 'shot' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Fri July 23, 2021 |
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Aliud in unum mordebit pulvis
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"Hi Senator. I am a proud Kentucky citizen, and I just want to tell you to get F*CKED" - Ms. Alexis Tune
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Corn Smut. Subby has nothing else to add but, Corn Smut
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Russia endorses the Taliban
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I don't think Fox News will be airing this ad either
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Mike Pillow has exposed the matrix... bring your glasses and carrot juice
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Do you know what a red panda is? Ever seen one? Before you click the link, try to guess how one's weight would be measured. Was it how you imagined?
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Next up on the GQP outrage machine *spins wheel* ... cancel Tom Hanks for narrating the Cleveland Indians name-change to the Guardians announcement video
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Damn, Joe
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Break out the microscopic violins... Proud Boys' leader releases statement about how bad it is in prison
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Doctor who proclaimed Trump as the healthiest president ever, now says that Biden needs to be removed via the 25th Amendment
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The good news is the Cleveland Indians are now the Cleveland Guardians. The bad news is that they're still in Cleveland
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Bucs become not only first team to have a home Super Bowl in their stadium, but their stadium inside their Super Bowl rings
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DeAndre Hopkins ponders retirement rather than partake in the vaccine or hurt his team
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The best letter to the editor that you may ever read. Why yes, it was written by a scientist
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Disrespect the gate agent and ask to speak to the manager? "You can find another carrier to fly with. I suggest Spirit"
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GOP candidate for VA Governor: I have the best guy on the planet working on my economic policy. Democratic candidate for VA Governor: Oh, the guy whose failed policy wrecked Kansas so badly that they reversed everything he said to do?
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Insurrectionist pleads guilty. The one who filmed Ashli Babbit shove her way to the front to crawl through the window and get shot
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Please state the nature of the nautical emergency
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President Biden: "Abolishing the filibuster will throw the entire Congress into chaos and nothing would get done." Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY): "Those things are *already* happening in Congress"
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This shiat again
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♫ Vaccines save lives this I know, for the Bible tells me so. ♫ Get a COVID-19 shot, else you're buried in a plot ♫
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| Wed July 21, 2021 |
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Thats one big boiii
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Nate Silver on why Republicans are suddenly getting "vax religion"
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I bet Shelbyville doesn't have this problem
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Jim Jordan may be a material witness in the Jan 6th investigation, and Liz Cheney is out of farks to give
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You know how we know you pre-planned your press release? "Denying the voices of members who have served in the military & law enforcement" A true statement... if Pelosi hadn't actually let former officer Troy Nehls stay on the committee
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"Pretty sure everyone owes Hillary Clinton an apology for her 'deplorables' remark, which not only was spot on but may actually have been an underestimate"
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Dog unclear of the concept
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Michael Buble puts Emily Blunt in a quiet place too
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AND refreshing. We've all heard of an Arnold Palmer. Now we have the Giannis Antetokounmpo
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Pop quiz, hotshot: you come home and find a naked woman skinny dipping in your pool. What do you do? Before you answer, remember this: this was in Florida
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Nothing to see here, just innocent tourists who planned nothing ahead of time and love to disco
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Father of mass shooting survivor has been brainwashed by QAnon and now believes his kid was part of an elaborate hoax
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Turns out that Brandi Love, the adult film actress, was kicked out of a TPUSA event because of her job ("canceled", you might say) after TinyFace recognized her. Not from her films, you understand, but from a documentary about the evils of porn
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Chicken marks its territory, lets humans know its here
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The FBI is looking for Ron Howard in connection with the 1/6 insurrection
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Turtle comes out of his shell and tells people to get vaccinated. Either Subby is taking crazy pills, or Turtle listened to his corporate overlords and we're THISCLOSE to being very very VERY farked
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MyBSPillowGuy offering $5 million to any "cyber guys" who can prove at upcoming "cyber symposium" that his election data is not valid. Wanna cyber?
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Fox News reports Russia has created a fighter jet that can travel twice the speed of light. Trump wondering if it is invisible as well
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Do not adjust your reality. Those are trams made to resemble one of Belgium's most popular take-away dishes, a cornet of "frietjes", on Belgium's National Day. No mayo though, as it would cause following trams to skid past their stops
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"Viral disinformation about politicians remains as grave a threat today as in 2016" -Abraham Lincoln
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MTG to reporter: You violated my HIPPO
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Aaron Rodgers set to receive another championship ring
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AOC explains inflation. But then what does she know -- she's just a bartender... who graduated cum laude from Boston University with a degree in international relations and economics
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Steve Scalise got shot, some believe fatally, others say he had this coming but will live
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Now that the former guy's BFF is under indictment for being an Emirates agent let's see if any of these dodgy things make more sense
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Morons at the Rays game tried to unfurl a Trump banner and it went much better than expected, but not for them
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And just like that, the NBA title celebration in Milwaukee turns into a gunfight because of course it does
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AOC explains the true price of Jeff Bezos's space trip
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Rep. Eric Swalwell found something inside Al Capone's vault
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Can the personal DOJ response be his neighbor?
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Elizabeth Warren is proposing another wealth tax that has no chance of passing
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BOOM
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Watch Rep. Eric Swalwell use WWE wrestling to explain the modern GOP in 2 minutes
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Three Names Marge has a curious sense of humor
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| Mon July 19, 2021 |
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From 60,000 new jobs per month to 60,000 new jobs every three days
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Vaccination clinics will now drive closer to your house, you'll receive a $10 BellStores gift card and Ohio's largest health insurers will give you a $50 prepaid Visa card if you just get your damn shot
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Coo-lander: there can be only one
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Will Big E have words (or more) for Bobby Lashley? Can Nikki superpower her way to a title shot? Does Goldberg show up, and if so can he get to the ring without concussing himself? What about The Man? John Cena opens Monday Night Raw at 8PM ET
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The bakery fully investigated itself and cleared itself of all wrongdoing
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Arizona representative whines about Biden administration intercepting enough fentanyl at southern border to kill 238 million Americans, would like to know why media is not livid with this happy outcome
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Birds, just helping the stoppin' of the spread of the coronavirus
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Biden administration releasing report on tactics and techniques on Chinese state hookers...wait, I mean hackers
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The Epic of Gilgamesh: The Next Chapter
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Next on Matt Gaetz explains it all
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Oh no, journalist spills the beans
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Convicted felon, Dinesh D'Souza, believes this is good art. Subby believes it is the very visage of cringe
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UK's Defense Minister confirms the secret dossier that disappeared wasn't stolen by spies- they in fact meant to lose it. Bonus: "wad of secret papers". No word on if it was shot
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Ohio GOP then: You can't require Covid vaccinations because the FDA has not approved the vaccines. - Ohio GOP now: Women undergoing medically-induced abortions must be told the medicine can be reversed, even though the FDA did not confirm this
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"It was my second shooting. So I was kind of prepared ... I always am expecting something to happen." Farris Nunn, Age 8
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So, that whole riding unmasked on an airplane and bus the Texas democrats did was probably not a good idea
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Car sale gone bad, or drug deal gone bad? Meeting someone at 2:30 AM with a wad of cash will get you shot in the head either way
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Someone had a very bright idea for home decorating
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| Thu July 15, 2021 |
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Llama tell ya 'bout the Tour de France
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Name four people, real or fictional, living or dead, that would be on your "Coup Crew"
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NFL to players: "we so very badly want you to get vaccinated, that....if you get vaxxed, we won't drug test you for marijuana." Hey, whatever it takes is what it takes, right?
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Aussie man defends getting four vaccines because apparently like everything else there is more deadly, so is the Covid
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I'm seriously impressed with this gentleman
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I don't always congratulate sycophants on writing books, but when I do, I prefer to plagiarize. Bigly
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Biden responds like a boss to Republican heckler during speech (with video)
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Scientists are working on one pan-coronavirus vaccine to rule them all. But what about second vaccine shot
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And you thought a baby goat could stay hidden under an oven. NOT
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Should it matter if your COVID shots are from different manufacturers? AZ first, then a Pfizer? Yeah, nobody knows, one group says it is fine, the WHO says don't do it
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Bad: the Fluffster got COVID. Worse: it's his birthday
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Kevin McCarthy finally acknowledges reality
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You may have already seen that Giannis block, but have you seen it in super slow-mo set to Ben Lee
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Later today, the Right Wing will declare that "someone got to Hannity"
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What sorcery is this? Guy turns himself into a snowball, balloons, a pumpkin, fire and a banana
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Freedom Phone. I got nothing, just watch the video
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World's oldest bottle of whiskey sold at auction to someone who plans to make world's best Jello shots
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Zodiac Killer says COVID is spiking in South Texas because of illegal immigrants who aren't vaccinated. Presumably after he gave a standing ovation for the low rates of American vaccination at CPAC
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| Wed July 14, 2021 |
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Two men found dead at Gianni Versace mansion in Miami. This is not almost a repeat from July 15, 1997
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And now a word from the co-creator of DogeCoin: "crypto is... built primarily to amplify the wealth of its proponents,"
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Sums up every graphics designer I've ever met
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Matthew McConaughey is seen riding his 'Hook 'Em' Triumph motorcycle in an Instagram photo posted July 13, 2021. Bevo is not impressed
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Not gonna lie, I'm a little emotional right now
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Hiccups, Gracie?
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Munn family is dunn
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"It's got a good beat and you can dance, or panic, to it"
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There's "a situation in which virtually everyone around Trump [...] we're talking Trump aides, intimates, and supporters - everyone believes he has gone off his rocker. I mean, let's not put too fine a point here: They believe he is crazy"
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Fire Hogs: when you trade in your signature brrrrrrrrrt for a 1,200 gallon sploosh (Tag is for the artist renderings in the thread)
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The Miami mayor talking about bombing Cuba really does something to Lindsey Graham
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| Tue July 13, 2021 |
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John Fetterman, we really do love you, man
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News: GOP state rep calling for an audit of the 2020 presidential election in his state. Fark.com: Oklahoma
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Hey, what would a T-Rex look like with MC Hammer puffy pants? I've got the answer
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NOBODY ever talks about *Stacy* Trump. Makes you think, huh?
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4th Circuit Court: 18 years of age still isn't good enough to buy a beer in America, but guns? Have at 'em, kids
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Clearly, getting duped by Borat is, at worst, a... minor inconvenience
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Fox News co-host slams Tokyo "genocide Olympics" because of Japan's continued killing of Uighurs (with video)
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You'd have to be on cocaine to think this picture was a good idea to Tweet. Oh right
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These are not smart people, and things got out of hand
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Governor Evil Ironsides on the Texas Democrats who went to DC: As soon as they come back in the state of Texas, they will be arrested, they will be cabined inside the Texas Capitol until they get their job done
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| Mon July 12, 2021 |
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MAGA rebellion as Giuliaini, Gorka and Jenna Ellis threaten to leave party unless Ronna McDaniel resigns for not spending money to defend Trump
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You would think getting out of jail would be one of the better days of your life
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Cuba has started cracking down on social media, because that has a proven track record of stemming the tide of popular revolt, eh amigos?
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Just remember kids, baseball is "dying"
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It blowed up real good, comrade
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If you're going to shoot paintballs at city cameras, wear a mask, because,ya know, they take pictures
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Zach Johnson tests positive for COVID -- obviously needs to take a bogey on not getting a shot. Subby sat 10 feet downwind from him nearly all afternoon at the JDC. Awesome
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Governer Pawlenty (R-MN), on CPAC: "If I went to any number of leftist gatherings I could find a bunch of goofballs as well." CNN: "Do you know of any?". Pawlenty: "Uh, um... *SMOKESCREEN*"
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Release the Kraken('s tears)
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Relaxing takes mad hammock skills
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It doesn't matter HOW many free meals you delivered to poor British kids, if you miss 1 penalty kick in a footie match we're gonna draw a gigantic peener on your face
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Trump finally tells the truth
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JK Rowling vs a random Twitter account....who would win?
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PragerU says the quiet part loud
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Shots fired. Over 100 of them
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The lawyers hijacked the Fox News chyron temporarily
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Old and busted: Northern Exposure in Alaska. New hotness: Northern Exposure in Finland. Here comes the Satanic reindeer
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The virus isn't just going to go away, Mississippi
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| Thu July 08, 2021 |
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Federal Prosecutors call out Trump and RW media for their roles in radicalizing insurrectionist in filing to keep insurrectionist in prison awaiting trial
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Doggo shows us there's only one way to go down the stairs
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The Pahrump dump wants to leave Nevada and form its own state vote for Trump
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Texas, where any ole light in the night sky is automatically a streetlight, even when it's just a searchlight being used during a water rescue. Amazingly, nobody shot at it
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"Twice-impeached Florida Retiree". The snark is strong with this one
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Congressman who voted to overturn the presidential election says Democrats are "enemies of the state"
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Moderna co-founder says COVID-19 booster shots will 'almost certainly' be needed. In other news, McDonald's asks if you'd like fries with that Big Mac
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Okay, so not everything pertaining to The Tomorrow War sucked. Still doesn't explain why she had to be so mean to Edgar, though. RIP Edgar. :(
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Public: Hey Toyota, why are you contributing to seditionists? Toyota; Whateva, we'll do what we want. Lincoln Project: Here's an ad we made about you. Toyota: OMG we're so sorry, we'll stop immediately
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In Canada, Soda is called Pop, a Sofa is called a Chesterfield and a Ron Johnson is called a Pierre Poilievre
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I'm not sure what Roger Stone is doing with this but I'm sure it wasn't done without approval from the guy who pardoned him
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Add Don Quixote to the exhaustively long list of literary works Ben Garrison has neither read nor understood
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Fark this one particular trash bin
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Still bugger-all down here on Earth though
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👍 Coronavirus likes this
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Boebert regains the lead as the stupidest person in Congress
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Some MAGA cultists are slowly getting it
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In today's edition of deep deep deep concern, Hunter Biden (who isn't part of the Biden administration) has sold some art and how dare he
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JD Vance, tough-talking son of a hillbilly, on Trump: "Trump is the leader of this movement and if I actually care about these people and the things I say I care about, I need to just suck it up and support him"
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Team Kraken: Hey so like, can we get this other guy to show up to our, uh, sanctions thingy instead? *Judge Judy glares* DENIED
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| Wed July 07, 2021 |
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The Teletubbies now are vaccinated and free to terrorize you up close
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Not news: Mars rover Perseverance finds a rock. Fark: A rock performing a balancing act
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On the plus side NYPD managed to not shoot anyone or run anyone over in this incident
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Marvel seeks people of color, diversity for MCU reboot. Heck, go all in: Make it a musical with Lin-Manuel Miranda, Phillipa Soo, Daveed Diggs & Chris Jackson as The Fantastic Four-fathers. Jonathan Groff as a singing Dr. Doom alone would sell it out
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If they're that scared of needles, maybe the military wasn't the place for them anyway
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Vax that azz up. No, seriously. Do it for Juvenile
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Casually dropping owlbear references like "what?"
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How to tell your cult leader you're breaking up with him without telling him you're breaking up with him
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You know your lawsuit is legit when it is signed by a lawyer whose e-mail address ends in @aol.com
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Tom Brady crushes 390-yard drive that lands feet away from the pin. (Bonus: You can hear Barack Obama say, "Wow.")
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Even Floridians hate Florida
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"I don't know, we'll see"
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What do you call that COVID variant? The Californians
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Finally, a movie that does not paint Boston in a bad light like gangster films Oh, it's about desegregation in the 1970s? Wicked uncool, man
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The Oath Keeper caught on a hotel camera pushing a cart full of gun cases has been arrested
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The louder a howler monkey roars, the smaller his genitals are. Not a metaphor
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War criminal continuing his grift by running for governor says Texas's tax code is communist
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| Tue July 06, 2021 |
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The concentration of wealth by the ultra-rich has now exceeded the peak of the Gilded Age. God bless America
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Sears is selling pro-insurrection t-shirts [Update: *was* selling]
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These things won't last a day in Philadelphia
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Your major WTF of the day: Michael Flynn and Mike Lindell Conspiracy Board. All it's missing is Pepe Silvia and Carol
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Ceiling Tucker is watching you demonstrate...anti-racist teaching lessons
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BB&T just told Gab to GTFO with their treason
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Oopsie daisies
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Old and busted: Elon's rockets landing on Of Course I Still Love You. New hotness: Of Course I Still Love You lands on a ship. W/Punny human for scale
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Republicans are verbally murdering each other on the floor of the Missouri Legislature over COVID vaccines. Bonus, the murder victim is a proud insurrectionist
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JFK Jr. is going to come back from the dead and take over the country with Donald Trump sometime later this year. In related news, cocaine prices are soaring
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Four year military veteran who stormed the capitol had a notebook with writings and notes entitled "step by step to create hometown militia" and a rifle, shotgun and handgun, along with a fully constructed U.S. capitol Lego set. Normal Tourist stuff
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Fox Weather. That's the joke
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So, why did the rest of the Miami condo have to be demolished? A) hurricane coming, B) rescue worker safety, C) to cover up that the Jews did it?
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"86 percent of Democrats have received at least one shot of a vaccine, compared with 45 percent of Republicans. Another 7 percent of Democrats say they are likely to do so, compared with 4 percent of Republicans"
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Adam Driver singing a song from his first musical: Hmmmph lovshshs voo, dshoo lovshshs shmee phlue, *slurp*
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USGS collecting lava from active volcano
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Would be a real shame if Rudy's legal defense fund saw a bunch of $5 donations from the likes of Ivan Crimealot, Trump Hatesyou, and Rudy F. Hiscousin
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Governor Condo Collapse sees rescuers from Mexico on the scene in Surfside, remembers he's late for a press conference to send police to the border
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♫ We're the ICU nurses that pump the ventilator down your throat / The Covid-19 ICU ward that's having to expand / Yes, the Delta variant puts the Spring in Springfield ♫
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| Mon July 05, 2021 |
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Autopsy: Cause of death for Blue Jackets goalie who was shot in the chest with a mortar was, uh, the mortar to the chest thing
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"Performative Patriotism"
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Iran's countdown clock to Israel's annihilation stops working due to power outage. In other news, Iran's regime has an official countdown clock to Israel's annihilation
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If you have an account on GETTR, your morals aren't the only thing compromised
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Narrator: And it never will
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They're too sexy for a mask
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"The US jobs market is scorching hot for teenagers." Uh, PHRASING?
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Washington, D.C. Mayor Bowser deletes a 4th of July tweet that includes a topless Wendy's girl meme after realizing she should not have done that
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Imagine a base so delusional that they think this is anything but embarrassing
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Tell me that you have never read the Constitution without actually telling me you have never read the Constitution. Difficulty: Ohio
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Anonymous poster requests hit on feral peacock via Craigslist ad, fails to notice Google Maps identifying his home address after bird is shot and killed
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"If any of you are under the impression that our billionaires might succeed in "escaping" to space, while the world burns, let me put those fears to rest with what I know from being the spouse of a NASA flight controller. thread"
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Max Fried wins the game for Atlanta. Not on the mound, but by pinch hitting with the bases loaded
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For those who survive that long, Heatwave "ExxonMobil" will be remembered as a cool summer in decades hence
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| Sun July 04, 2021 |
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I think he just won the 4th of July MacGyver contest
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Cubs still winless since throwing a combined no-hitter a week and a half ago. Ghost of Harry Caray drinking for non-celebratory reasons
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Ocean fire trifecta is now in play
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If subby didn't have hair like Drew's, they would totally do this
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First it was the Nazis. Then it was the Hentai fans. What next for Gettr? The hackrs, of course
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Fed up with the inevitable delays of summer construction? There is a better way
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Hey millennials who can't afford a $600k 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom home, stop making fun of boomers saying how they had it so easy, because they once had to pay higher interest rates on their $60k 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom house
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The world was a weird place 60 years ago. For example, "Segregate Our Fallout Shelters"
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James Earl Jones reading Frederick Douglass is the Independence Day tradition America needs
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Congratulations go out to the Toronto Maple Leafs because as of yesterday they officially, at 19,786 days, have the longest drought without a championship in NHL history
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A very important message from The CDC
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Are you the people I confess the crimes to?
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And God said, "F*ck this peninsula in particular"
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Apparently the key to pulling a gun on the cops and not getting shot is wearing diapers
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| Thu July 01, 2021 |
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Well Trump, I do not know who shot Ashli Babbitt, but I do know who caused her death
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This is Ron DeSantis' "Christie hugging Obama" moment
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Old and boring : global warming. New and cool : hundreds of thousands of lightning strikes in a couple hours. The future ain't just hot, it's also very flashy
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It's a cult
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According to Nostradumbass, we all probably have only hours left to live. What will you do with yours?
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His name is Finn, but for the purposes of this clip, just call him 'Goober'
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Las Vegas giving the Warriors, who did not make the postseason despite decent health, third best odds to win next year's NBA Championship
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News: giant hummingbird Fark: with antlers
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Hey Rodney Rogers, maybe you shouldn't have talked trash to Larry Bird
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Bennett: Okay, Bibi, we'll make this easy and let you leave with dignity: GTFO and stop hosting foreign dignitaries, you out-of-power loser. Bibi: Bonjour, my french friend. Sorry to hear about Le Pen. Bennett: *Moses facepalm*
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Long live the king
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GOP leader threatens to pull committee positions from any GOP house members who participate in 1/6 select committee. Adam Schiff has thoughts
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Octopus on the run, going places fast
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Insurrectionist says next time he will play "for all the marbles" because clearly he is missing some
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Google an ICE officer's patch and find out it's a white supremacist one, not a union one? That's a mistrial & 11k fine for contempt. Fine for the officer lying in court? Haha nope
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Crist had run, Crist had lost, Crist is running again
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