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headlines found matching 'officials'

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Sat February 04, 2023
		Isn't that when one is supposed to ski? source: boston.com \| share:	27
		"Hey, pal, you can't just park that anywhere" source: wfla.com \| share:	19
		If you're going to write fake tickets to meet your quota that definitely doesn't exist, at least make sure to choose a person who isn't dead, officer source: cbsnews.com \| share:	42

Fri February 03, 2023
		Kari Lake hopes to lose senate bid next source: politico.com \| share:	68
		Animal Rescue League in Massachusetts seeks forever home for 1-year-old Clarendon, who was transported into the state illegally and needs space to grow into 600 pounds of bacon source: kmbc.com \| share:	4
		Florida elevator really lets Ferrari owner down, should probably take steps to avoid it next time source: mysuncoast.com \| share:	13
		"This is the pupil stage you see here from this stage and then they'll emerge as adults. As adults are when they feed on palm trees and are the most harmful to the palms here" source: khon2.com \| share:	19
		Of course, China needs civilian "airships" over Montana. No word on if it also has a six year old inside source: gizmodo.com \| share:	60
		Donovan Mitchell of the Cavaliers ejected for showing off his dogeball skills source: espn.com \| share:	16

Thu February 02, 2023
		Pentagon tracking Chinese spy balloon over US, waiting for 98 more before they release the nukes source: wgal.com \| share:	292
		White rhino moves to Florida wildlife park. Fark: Shot and killed on first day in new home. UltraFark: Local orthodontists and dentists all claim alibis, blame park for not being able to contain it source: wesh.com \| share:	82
		Cowlision takes out Tesla. Cow was in self-driving mode. Tesla investigating because steaks are high source: ktvu.com \| share:	57
		Law enforcement officials, gun rights advocates request clarification on Alabama's new permitless concealed carry law because it's a cluster fark source: al.com \| share:	89
		Over 350,000 Texans without power after ice storm. This is not a repeat from every other previous ice storm in Texas source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	232

Wed February 01, 2023
		Floating pirate restaurant now just a pirate restaurant source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	28
		Subby having deja vu while reading this from a cold dark house in Austin source: nbcdfw.com \| share:	86
		Rio Tinto: "Ok PHEW found it, alright all good Don't ask any questions. Wow what a relief" source: reuters.com \| share:	56

Tue January 31, 2023
		Texas judge lifts restraining order on sheriff who was sexually harassing female members of his staff, because what's the point of letting the ladies into your station if you can't pat them on the ass now and then, amiright? source: timesrecordnews.com \| share:	45
(Not Some Refreshing Drink)		Large object crashes through wall of woman's home, narrowly missing her. OHHH YEAH source: dakotanewsnow.com \| share:	66
		Tribal officials are looking to thermosyphons to keep the fat out of the fire. 'You can't put half a whale in a little home freezer' source: hcn.org \| share:	10
		After unseasonably mild winter, Eastern Canada to encounter "punch in the face" cold snap this week. Bonjour, vortex polaire source: ctvnews.ca \| share:	42

Mon January 30, 2023
		Congressman takes to the floor of the House the have his own Fark thread about Chiefgate source: mediaite.com \| share:	84
		NFL referees are so incompetent now, they can't even blame the right scapegoat for their mistakes source: profootballtalk.nbcsports.com \| share:	23
		Old and Busted: Secret woods porn. New Hotness: Secret woods grenade source: masslive.com \| share:	55
		Officials suspect fowl play source: wfsb.com \| share:	37

Sun January 29, 2023
		Dis-Assembly Hall source: indystar.com \| share:	8
		Day 340 of WW3: The floodgates are poised to open. US military officials reportedly urging Pentagon to supply F-16 jets to Ukraine so the country can better defend itself from Russian missiles and drones. It's your Sunday Ukraine war discussion source: theguardian.com \| share:	637

Sat January 28, 2023
		A mother will help you move, a grandmother will help you move a body source: live5news.com \| share:	10
		Was this an attempted terrorist attack? A boozed up idiot? An ill conceived protest? Taking all bets. I also offer video poker source: abc7.com \| share:	44

Fri January 27, 2023
		Police bodycam footage of Tyre Nichols beating released, is as bad as was expected. [Graphic violence warning] source: msnbc.com \| share:	947
		White House approves 16,000,000 Americans for student loan relief, tells Supreme Court: "Good luck enforcing your decisions with the army you don't have" source: cnbc.com \| share:	164
(Some Guy)		Army Corps of Engineers releases renderings of a potential sea wall to protect the West Side of Manhattan against storm surges from climate change, seeks Snake Plissken's input source: thecity.nyc \| share:	54
(Some North Dakodan, eh)		North Dakota threatens to sue Minnesota if the Gopher State adopts green energy plan which would devastate North Dakota's fossil fuel reven-- er, "hinder its utilities" source: minnesotareformer.com \| share:	79
		'You're going to see acts that defy humanity,' police chief says, as officials urge calm when Tyre Nichols arrest videos are released publicly tonight source: cnn.com \| share:	678
(Some Guy)		Faxed bomb threats paralyze Japanese schools. One can imagine principals staring at the office fax machine, waiting for the ring, the beep and the plasticy printout containing the next fateful fax setting up the bomb source: wionews.com \| share:	44

Thu January 26, 2023
		Two vicious killers now being hunted across Ireland after bolting on train, could be anywhere. Fark: Prison officials let them out on temporary release. Ultra Fark: One has done this on three occasions before source: thesun.ie \| share:	42
		Colorado wildlife camera surrenders after the Kim Kardashian of bear selfies drops in for an extended sesh source: upi.com \| share:	12

Wed January 25, 2023
		"Yellowstone" country music festival in the works...just north of Ann Arbor, Michigan? source: livingstondaily.com \| share:	20
		Air Guard general: Wingmen, personal servants. Same thing, right? source: foxnews.com \| share:	28
		Live Free or We're Going Streaking source: whdh.com \| share:	18
		Axios wouldn't bait-n-switch "Biden's new tax hammer" to describe "Stupid new GOP tax plan" would they? source: axios.com \| share:	47
		Topless woman found next to headless Jesus source: kmov.com \| share:	72
		Day 336 of WW3: A number of senior Ukrainian officials have resigned or been fired by President Volodymyr Zelensky. This comes amid a growing corruption scandal linked to procurement of wartime supplies. It's your Wednesday Ukraine war discussion source: cnn.com \| share:	525
		"Putin's Chef" Prigozhin will die after being hit point blank by a hellfire missile during a drone strike after being given a massive LSD overdose, jabbed with a polonium-tipped umbrella and pushed out a window source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	74

Tue January 24, 2023
		Philly needs lifeguards so badly they are reportedly hiring people who can't swim. The is not a headline from The Onion source: phillymag.com \| share:	59
		Today at the Alex Murdaugh trial it became apparent that elephant ears are a tasty delicacy in South Carolina. Subby would have thought they would be illegal to import, let alone sell in public source: postandcourier.com \| share:	17
		Your dog wants steak... or else, motherfarker source: nbcnews.com \| share:	58
		Attempted tripping? Now honestly what is that? Can you win a Nobel Prize for Attempted Chemistry? source: msn.com \| share:	19
		Biden administration has a second thought, says here come the M1A1 Abrams tanks to Ukraine source: apnews.com \| share:	191
		I suppose that's slightly ironic, given the source source: cruz.senate.gov \| share:	93
		Russia's new commander in the Ukraine is focusing on what really matters in this conflict: frequency of shaving source: businessinsider.com \| share:	56

Mon January 23, 2023
		What do Texas and Pakistan have in common? Top 50 things to the right, latest one on the left source: aljazeera.com \| share:	70
		Somehow the snow wasn't the whitest thing in New Hampshire this week source: wmur.com \| share:	32
		Florida gas prices fall due to China source: clickorlando.com \| share:	6
		Texas college students say 'censorship of TikTok over guns' says a lot about how officials prioritize safety source: businessinsider.com \| share:	52

Sun January 22, 2023
		After conservatives bellowed "Whar is FBI search of Biden's house? WHAR?" enough times, FBI goes to Joe's Crab Shack in Wilmington and finds a few more classified documents source: politico.com \| share:	377
		Top border official has no understanding of boundaries, repeatedly crosses line source: nbcnews.com \| share:	23
		Tesla builds submarine. The CEO's innovative screen doors worked too well source: ktvu.com \| share:	54

Sat January 21, 2023
		Don't look for your towel, because it's gone source: nbcsandiego.com \| share:	54
		School cafeteria worker arrested after allegedly selling homemade goods source: uppermichiganssource.com \| share:	22

Fri January 20, 2023
		NBA front office to Warriors: We're sorry we missed those last five Celtic fouls in the last two minutes of overtime last night costing you the game. Our bad source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	18
		You know what's bad? Getting a large hole in your pants and having it caught on video. You know what's worse? This source: nbcchicago.com \| share:	98
		Slaughterhouses under investigation for employing child labor source: nbcnews.com \| share:	67
		A sailor adrift for weeks off of Colombia survived by eating condiments source: oregonlive.com \| share:	16
		Gonorrhea resistant to five kinds of antibiotics is a good reason to be careful around Mass holes source: nbcboston.com \| share:	18
		Pepperidge Farm remembers the day it learned it was moving to the 'hood source: 6abc.com \| share:	12

Thu January 19, 2023
		Once again for everyone in the back: all the contract killers on the internet are FBI agents source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	73
		Germany doesn't want to move tanks East (don't mention the war) to aid Ukraine unless the US also sends tanks (don't mention the war - I did once but I think I got away with it) source: politico.eu \| share:	68
		"We didn't mean to build a cat bridge" source: kpic.com \| share:	8
		Florida woman pulled from storm drain for the third time in two years. Previously she wandered through the tunnels for weeks and ended up in Texas. That's some underground network source: wfla.com \| share:	50
		Florida politician takes a crack at the "falling out of windows" shtick source: floridapolitics.com \| share:	24

Wed January 18, 2023
(Some Guy)		For some reason, there's been a "high volume" of requests to illuminate this water tower source: forsythnews.com \| share:	36
		Deepfake challenges and disruptions in wartime will only grow, warns Winston Churchill. In related news, Abraham Lincoln wants you to try harder source: brookings.edu \| share:	3
		Florida Man: "I did not have no venomous snakes." Reporter: "What did you have?" Florida Man: "I had corn snakes" source: wfla.com \| share:	73
		Sweet doggo gets crocheted 'ears' in hopes of being adopted source: ktvu.com \| share:	6
		NFL rules analyst Gene Steratore, a 15-year NFL official, thinks more flags need to be thrown during games source: triblive.com \| share:	26
		Secretary at a Louisiana public school resigns after sending a text message in which she asked a coach to remind students that they had [N-word] day lol mark Luther king" Day off. Members of the school community were shocked, but not that shocked source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	156

Tue January 17, 2023
		Sen. Coons meets with CEOs in Davos about Ukraine Aid: "Look, we now have lunatics in control of the U.S. Budget. So, some of you may have to step up and help finance the war in Ukraine" source: cnbc.com \| share:	24
		China suffers record population loss in 2022 and they insist it's definitely not caused by that thing everyone thinks is the obvious explanation source: nbcnews.com \| share:	86
		Phuc this, I'm outta here source: theguardian.com \| share:	34
		Let's go back to the Spring of 2016, when the world still had some decency and when Syrian refugee families shared a hotel with a furry convention where everyone had fun. No, not that kind source: mashable.com \| share:	50
		After on-field tantrum that helped Jacksonville defeat his Chargers, Joey Bosa doubles down, calls the officials power-tripping a-holes who had it in for him source: profootballtalk.nbcsports.com \| share:	19

Mon January 16, 2023
		How did that get in there? source: usatoday.com \| share:	3
		In Denver, change is inevitable. Except from vending machines source: jalopnik.com \| share:	20

Sun January 15, 2023
		Woman pushing groceries down shoulder of Louisiana Highway 1 gets accidentally "bumped" by driver. Caring driver reports incident to sheriff's office. Woman gets arrested. Then it get sad source: fox8live.com \| share:	126
		Tate didn't have 33 penis compensators, only 15, and now he has none source: abc.net.au \| share:	136

Sat January 14, 2023
		More time off requested after 11 New Jersey police officers get treated for fentanyl exposure during search source: fox29.com \| share:	93
		Day 325 of WW3: Air raid sirens sounded in Kyiv as Russian missiles hit the Ukrainian capital. Kyiv's military administration says critical infrastructure has been hit, but did not elaborate. It's your Saturday Ukraine war discussion source: aljazeera.com \| share:	467

Fri January 13, 2023
		Call me Officer Ishmael. Rare whale trifecta in play source: masslive.com \| share:	15
		Madison Cawthorn goes on trial. Let's hope this starts the ball rolling source: wcnc.com \| share:	94
		Another fake fentanyl exposure involving police, this one has the Yonkers, NY police headquarters going into total lockdown over some officer trying to get time off source: abc7ny.com \| share:	49

Thu January 12, 2023
		Monterey peninsula may become an island source: sfgate.com \| share:	77
		AirBnB turns into stab fest. Cleaning fee automatically tripled source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	39
		For the first time in history, a killer whale beached in Florida. Locals frantically concocting homemade explosives, sandwich recipes source: wild955.iheart.com \| share:	29
		The Golden Gate Screech is back. No word on the Carquinez Kapowski source: sfgate.com \| share:	20

Wed January 11, 2023
		Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis in Chatsworth: The sinkhole is growing. Leaving your homes could result in catastrophic damage, to you and to the very fabric of the universe. Okay, bye source: ktla.com \| share:	33
		Universal Studios announces a kid-themed amusement park to open in a Dallas suburb. Isn't every amusement park kid-themed? source: wfaa.com \| share:	26
		Mother giving birth in middle flooded riverbed rescued by firefighters, leaving many unanswered questions and a little poo source: ktvu.com \| share:	26
		The Deion Sanders era was to begin vs. Arizona State, but after Prime ran his big fat yapper about it, the NCAA nixed the game source: 247sports.com \| share:	12
		Cyberattack keeps Iowa's largest school district closed as authorities work feverishly to get both Kaypros back online source: techxplore.com \| share:	12
		Skeleton of 7ft 6in man removed after 200+ years on display in museum. Officials and visitors are calling it a giant loss source: bbc.com \| share:	33
		Haiti left with no elected government officials, only zombie government source: theguardian.com \| share:	80
		NFL and Troy Vincent: There was never any consideration that we would continue the Bills/Bengals game after the Damar Hamlin incident. ESPN: Uh, you're full of $&+ and we have receipts. NFL and Troy Vincent: No comment source: cincinnati.com \| share:	44
		Here's the thread where we talk about there being no winner in yesterday's Mega Millions drawing and make snarky comments about a tax on stupid people being applied again this week source: cnn.com \| share:	84
		Subby was thirsty source: wgal.com \| share:	11

Tue January 10, 2023
		If you see my reflection in a snow-covered hill on highway nine near Santa Cruz, well source: cbsnews.com \| share:	33
		The Fed would like you all to know the only green it gives two flying farks about is the paper for its corporate overlords source: marketwatch.com \| share:	15
		Yet another Florida man fails to understand the concept of "don't stand on the tracks when the train is coming" source: local10.com \| share:	41
		Nashville Cop fired after having inappropriate sexual relations with 6 other on-duty cops. In a row source: nypost.com \| share:	172
		Mexican authorities arrest cartel leader El Gato, which is Spanish for The Gato source: yahoo.com \| share:	49
		Apparently God didn't help Mike Pence's book sales source: forbes.com \| share:	90

Mon January 09, 2023
		You thought Venice sinking into the sea was bad? Here's a sinking town in the Himalayas source: aljazeera.com \| share:	21
		Canadian government flip-flops again, decides to go ahead and purchase 88 F-35s from Lockheed-Martin - apologizes for any inconvenience source: cbc.ca \| share:	25
		"Immediate Evacuation Order for all of Montecito, parts of Carpinteria, Summerland & City of Santa Barbara. LEAVE NOW" source: ktla.com \| share:	208
		Axios: President Biden will pivot to the center for 2024 bid, which implies he was on the left at some point source: axios.com \| share:	267
		Pentagon instructs Defense Department organizations to remove names and items associated with Confederacy as recommended by congressional commission. Suck it, losers source: stripes.com \| share:	58
		Ashli Babbitt's mom takes a shot at civil disobedience source: chicago.suntimes.com \| share:	206
		Ruling that the storming of government buildings by Bolsonaro supporters could have only happened "with the consent, and even active participation, of public security and intelligence officials", Brazil's Supreme Court suspends the regional governor source: msn.com \| share:	64

Sun January 08, 2023
		Firefighters don't have to go far to fight arson fire - their own parking lot source: 10news.com \| share:	10
		Joe Hardy has lost his wood source: triblive.com \| share:	10
		Stay classy, Florida (Congress)Man source: huffpost.com \| share:	83
		Pssst, buddy. Wanna buy a painting? source: cnn.com \| share:	37

Sat January 07, 2023
		Gov. DeathSentence activates National Guard after Cuban immigrants swamp Florida Keys. Wonder if he'll fly them to Miami instead? source: wfla.com \| share:	133
		TSA has had it with these monkey-fighting emotional support animals source: cbsnews.com \| share:	44

Fri January 06, 2023
		Old and busted: 6-year-old shot in school shooting. The new American-ness: 6-year-old is the school shooter source: wtkr.com \| share:	163
		The Great Salt source: cnn.com \| share:	300
		Looks like Turkey's off the menu source: dw.com \| share:	65

Thu January 05, 2023
		The House hasn't been this productive in decades source: theonion.com \| share:	36
		Australian border police discover six Kinder Surprise eggs full of cocaine in arriving traveler's chocolate factory. SURPRISE source: cnn.com \| share:	45
		San Diego Police have a trolley problem. Chidi Anagonye seen agonizing over whether to comment or not source: fox5sandiego.com \| share:	43
		My god, it's full of SARS: 28 out of 29 airplane lavatory holding tank samples test positive for SARS-CoV-2 source: audacy.com \| share:	103
		Mystery time: Dozens of solar powered antennae rigs pop up in the Salt Lake City foothills source: ksltv.com \| share:	107

Wed January 04, 2023
		With the Maine Lobster fishing back on, Wisconsin says 'Hold my beer' and gets the butter ready source: cbsnews.com \| share:	33
		Fed signals that peon's are still making too much money and interest rates need to go up. Oligarchs seen lighting cigars with $100 bills nod approvingly source: cnbc.com \| share:	17
		The devil made me do it, says driver of devil's ride, who drove off the side at Devil's Slide source: ktvu.com \| share:	42

Tue January 03, 2023
		New York officially solicits bids for three full-fledged casinos for NYC. No word yet from Robert DeNiro about reprising his role as a manager for one source: gothamist.com \| share:	14
		Bruce is selling his beach for $20M. Still not enough, but a good start for reparations source: ktla.com \| share:	75
		In order to "save" its crumbling games industry, Russia is considering founding a company even worse than Electronic Arts, if that's even possible source: pcgamer.com \| share:	36
		Car plunges 250 feet off cliff at Devil's Slide, 4 critically injured. Take a wild guess at what kind of car it was source: nbcbayarea.com \| share:	140

Mon January 02, 2023
		Tesla leads police on wild chase for 15 minutes. Then the driver wakes up and pulls over source: ktvu.com \| share:	29
		Police offer $10,000 reward for information on elderly couple's murders at retirement community with "extensive security measures and staff in place" because Benoit Blanc is way too expensive source: wesh.com \| share:	37
		"I didn't know that hanging on the rim would bend it," says likely long-time recipient of sports-based passing grades source: 9news.com \| share:	66
		You know the amount of oil that we reported spilled in Corpus Christie a week ago? Well, multiply it by three-and-a-half. Mea culpa source: kiiitv.com \| share:	24

Sun January 01, 2023
		Mass. state police find suspect in a large tree with infrared camera. Article doesn't say why suspect had an infrared camera in a tree. Dumbass tag for the headline writer and the suspect source: boston.com \| share:	21
		Old School: Firefighters rescue cat from tree. California: Firefighters rescue teens from tree source: kcra.com \| share:	14
		No second date source: asahi.com \| share:	19
		Health officials urge locking the barn door after the horse has gone out to see the herd, done a little galloping, nibbled a spot a grass on the side of the road, and had a good roll on its back before returning to idle peacefully in its stall? source: abc7.com \| share:	29
		Victorian England, weird Christmas traditions, women's sports, and the Olympics are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, Dec. 22-28: Happy New Year Edition source: fark.com \| share:	17
		Suspect shot by police after attempting to go full Highlander near Times Square source: nbcnewyork.com \| share:	64

Sat December 31, 2022
		The right to have guns all over the place causes one Arkansas town to remove their citizens' rights to leave home after 8 PM source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	138
(Some Guy)		Tesla workers ordered not to say bad things about management, pay discrepancy, and not to cooperate with officials reviewing working conditions source: morningstar.com \| share:	26

Fri December 30, 2022
		Businessmen give each other the Kissimmee of death after dispute source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	15
		Today in 'why we can't have nice things' news: French homeless man who built his own awesome fairytale castle now forced to tear it down because it poses a danger source: odditycentral.com \| share:	40

Thu December 29, 2022
		Apparently Maverick and Goose are flying for the Chinese source: cbsnews.com \| share:	69

Wed December 28, 2022
		If they'd flown Southwest Airlines this never would have happened source: espn.com \| share:	13
		Self-proclaimed law student Kim Kardashian said that when she visited the Trump WH to advocate for prison sentence reform she "didn't know half of what anyone was saying" because they were using "obscure "attorney lingo" like "Clemency" and "DOJ" source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	81

Tue December 27, 2022
		"If you wanna play unfrozen caveman lawyer on your YouTube channel, that's one thing" source: fox10phoenix.com \| share:	32
		We're gonna have one of these "the Mega Millions lottery has now surpassed XXX dollars" every few weeks from now until the end of time, aren't we? source: npr.org \| share:	48

Mon December 26, 2022
		NBC News finds at least a half dozen people in Buffalo who don't know how to prepare for a winter storm when give a week's notice that it's coming source: nbcnews.com \| share:	76
		No one roaming in Buffalo source: axios.com \| share:	89
		Apple says Mac is terrible source: cbssports.com \| share:	8

Sun December 25, 2022
		Texas electricity prices spiked 400% in 24 hours, as factories printing "I did that" stickers used up all the electricity while Greg Abbott was busy owning the libs. This is not a repeat of 2021 source: markets.businessinsider.com \| share:	246
		Man arrested after painting holiday messages to Biden and Obama, heyyy... those aren't holly berries source: ktvu.com \| share:	39

Sat December 24, 2022
(Some Guy)		"Law Enforcement can no longer stand idle and presume we can arrest ourselves out of this epidemic" source: lakemchenryscanner.com \| share:	60
		Most of America has weather warnings this holiday season, but only a few of us have a coyote warning thrown in source: whdh.com \| share:	21
		Come on baby, light my fire source: chattanoogan.com \| share:	23

Fri December 23, 2022
		The Mayor is dead. Long live the Mayor source: foxnews.com \| share:	26
		Large dog tries to get out of vet appointment by biting a half-dozen people. Only technically successful source: wmur.com \| share:	18

Thu December 22, 2022
		Governor Abbot says Texas is ready for repeat of last year's cold. Presumably this means his trip to Cancun is booked and Minnesota will be bailing them out with socialized gas again source: finance.yahoo.com \| share:	104
		And nothing of value was lost source: npr.org \| share:	6
		Texas power grid expected to hold against forecasted wind chills as low as -30F in some areas of the state. Never mind that each time it's failed it's been "completely unforeseen." Tag for the weather, not the grid source: texastribune.org \| share:	49
		The Admiral Kuznetsov, Russia's coal-rolling aircraft carrier, seems to be smoking a bit more than usual source: newsweek.com \| share:	138
		Russian forces in Ukraine increasingly made up of rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, bank robbers and Methodists source: bbc.com \| share:	43
		Wealthy Cape Cod residents frosty over Polar Express. I mean, it's not that they mind The Poors And Their Kiddos coming to Cape Cod to ride the Polar Express. That would be mean source: boston.com \| share:	10

Wed December 21, 2022
		"Higher than acceptable" methamphetamine levels in air ducts close Colorado public library disappointing the speed reading patrons source: outtherecolorado.com \| share:	49
		National medical director of the UK'S NHS tells people not to get "blind drunk," clearly not seeing the forest of holiday parties for the Christmas trees source: apnews.com \| share:	33
		Mom help someone is cyberbullying me source: people.com \| share:	71

Tue December 20, 2022
		Michigan man who died in a trailer fire is remembered as a collector of newspapers. Well there's your problem right there source: mlive.com \| share:	29
		MTA project that was launched in the 60s, stopped in the 70s, relaunched in the 90s, re-relaunched in 2001 with completion promised for 2011 but delayed over a decade, is finally ready to...hang on, there's been another delay source: gothamist.com \| share:	24
		Rescue one abducted child, get one free source: wral.com \| share:	15

Mon December 19, 2022
		Is it still "friendly fire" if you do it on purpose and the units hate each other? source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	70
(Some Guy)		Florida residents rescue a cat stuck in a storm drain. Hero tag makes a rare fill-in for the Florida tag on this one source: eaglesanantonio.com \| share:	1
		Mexico's president blasts Peru state of emergency ...and US State Department source: yahoo.com \| share:	23
		Former TFG officials suggest battling the Taliban with theology. Fark : None have any actual theological training source: newsweek.com \| share:	61

Sun December 18, 2022
		As Great Salt Lake continues evaporating to pond-size, old shipwrecks becoming visible. Wait, they sailed ships on GSL? To where? source: deseret.com \| share:	54
		♫ Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee, sent a thousand miles 'cause she was too hungry ♫ Pooped in the woods and peed on every tree, this little bar returned 'cause she was free ♫ source: outsideonline.com \| share:	23
		US to buy 3M barrels of oil to start replenishing reserves. GE, Honeywell and Owens Corning angry at being left out of the government bidding process source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	42

Fri December 16, 2022
		Not a good surprise source: fox10phoenix.com \| share:	26
		Partially clothed men dressed as elves, alcohol, a high school choir, and a dirty Santa... you sure know how to party for a school board member source: ktvu.com \| share:	34
		Inflatables are NOT people source: apnews.com \| share:	46

Thu December 15, 2022
		NFL discussing ejecting your team's best pass rusher from the game for gently brushing the helmet of that preening, over-rated QB source: espn.com \| share:	16
		You might ask why, after decades of understanding the dire health risks posed by chemicals in the workplace, government hasn't done more to protect workers. But government officials like money, and corporations have it source: npr.org \| share:	25
		'Biblical' drought likely to lead to more water restrictions? What, like no mixed fabrics, or picking only the men who lap water with their tongues like dogs to go to war? source: ktla.com \| share:	57
		Hieroglyphics discovered on area man's face source: clickondetroit.com \| share:	41
		US kids enfatten out of current obesity charts, forcing health officials to embiggen the size of their trackers source: medicalxpress.com \| share:	18
		Pew Pew Pew "Puff Puff Puff" source: fox13news.com \| share:	16
		...and not 1 cop needed Narcan source: dailyvoice.com \| share:	21
		Note to self: Do not argue with people on the bus who have a sword. They get all slashy source: krqe.com \| share:	29

Wed December 14, 2022
		An Apple a day keeps you from starving to death after your car crashed in a remote canyon without cellular service source: ktla.com \| share:	18
		Can't improve on this headline: Nation Forgives Harvey Weinstein After He Gets Really Good At Football source: theonion.com \| share:	34
		Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well source: foxnews.com \| share:	6
		WA state officials laying down an early marker for 'worst proposal for a vehicle use tax in place of gas tax' award source: king5.com \| share:	131
		Man arrested in murder of California cop's spouse in Kentucky, which gives him an alibi in the cop's killing in Kentucky, which also clears up the cop's stalking and burglary charges. Cue Bill Kurtiss voiceover source: msn.com \| share:	37
		Putin will hunker in the bunker to avoid Kremlin flu epidemic. That's their story and they're sticking to it source: msn.com \| share:	53

Tue December 13, 2022
		Yosemite 'Firefall' is no longer a hidden gem, reservations now required source: kron4.com \| share:	50

Mon December 12, 2022
		Philadelphia thief has brass.... stole brass railing from outside City Hall source: 6abc.com \| share:	6
		Andrei, you've lost ANOTHER shopping mall? source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	49
		China drops COVID-tracking app. People-tracking apps, security cameras, and secret police stations still okay source: upi.com \| share:	13
(Some Guy)		Man U announces new training facility in Indiana source: wpta21.com \| share:	3
		Fake psychic sentenced in $3M fraud scheme. See, this is why you never want to get hooked on faux noetics source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	39
		Indonesian officials announce that Bali's new, ultra-strict sex laws will not apply to tourists, so if you were really hoping for a relaxing week of underage hookers and pre-pubescent boys, game on source: cnn.com \| share:	77
		University of Texas men's basketball coach Chris Beard arrested on Family Assault charge. University officials not talking yet, but reportedly aren't in a slap-happy mood source: kxan.com \| share:	41
		Yeah, but he didn't say where he would park it. Bonus: grand theft auto Chevy Malibu source: hawaiinewsnow.com \| share:	24
		War On Christmas gets underway as shotgun-wielding guy threatens to parum pum pum pum middle school drumline at holiday parade source: wral.com \| share:	38
		Man arrested for DUI after taking CHP officer cosplay too far. Ponch and Jon wipe sweat from brow source: ktvu.com \| share:	11

Sun December 11, 2022
		Wolves are being reintroduced to Colorado. Zombie Gerald Ford looks on nervously source: axios.com \| share:	58
		Moscow's greatest art museum goes up in flames source: msn.com \| share:	181

Fri December 09, 2022
		Ugly-ass Malaysian tapir born at British zoo source: upi.com \| share:	3
		Ocean view estate property just got a little less property and a little more ocean view. Otisburg and Lex Springs looking like good crypto investment opportunities source: ktla.com \| share:	19
		Someone dropped a dime on this poor lil' fella source: mlive.com \| share:	49
		Los Angeles zoo kills a ginger source: abc7.com \| share:	24
		Day 289 of WW3: Russian forces have installed multiple GRAD rocket launchers at Ukraine's Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant, Ukrainian officials said Thursday. Don't worry, nothing could possibly go wrong. It's your Friday Ukraine war discussion source: theguardian.com \| share:	417
		Moore County NC has power restored and search warrants applied for source: wunc.org \| share:	81
		France to provide free birth control to everyone under 25. You know, in case Leo DiCaprio decides to visit source: france24.com \| share:	32
(We Are Iowa)		Iowa city fails to learn the most basic lesson about holding a Trump rally source: weareiowa.com \| share:	76

Thu December 08, 2022
		Don't want to harsh your mellow but 420 shut down until next year source: 6abc.com \| share:	24
		How to train your unicorn source: komonews.com \| share:	10
		Officers use drone to steer them in the right direction source: wibw.com \| share:	1
		Pittsburgh airport has 25th and 26th instances of a gun being seized this year. Only 7 more to tie with 2021, folks. Tag for the offenders source: wtae.com \| share:	40

Wed December 07, 2022
		In North Carolina, we have domestic terrorists. in Florida, we have iguanas source: local10.com \| share:	20
		DOJ on Whitey Bulger: Mistakes were made source: cnn.com \| share:	37

Tue December 06, 2022
		Hawaii will give up Daniel K. Inouye highway when Mauna Loa pries it from their cold dead hand, kind of like what Daniel K. Inouye did when he killed those Germans source: cnn.com \| share:	32
		♫ Vanuatu / Couldn't get online when they wanted to / Vanuatu / Their internet's been down for a month or two ♫ source: npr.org \| share:	28
		Measles takes the CDC's efforts to stop it in Ohio personally source: arstechnica.com \| share:	50
		Arizona tells Kari to go jump in the Lake source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	72
		I'm sorry TSA, I forgot the gun was in my fanny pack, I was too busy packing my leg warmers, Walkman, cassette tapes, Cabbage Patch doll and Aquanet to notice source: masslive.com \| share:	70
		Scottsdale Police: emergency school lockdowns last week were actually because of AC/DC source: azfamily.com \| share:	21

Mon December 05, 2022
		Shenandoah National Park officials would appreciate it if you morons would stop running over deer on Skyline Drive source: rappnews.com \| share:	35
		Clearwater PD: Florida man had sex with dog in front of people including children; damaged church property, a mailbox and potted plants. On the plus side Florida has no state income tax source: fox13news.com \| share:	89
		Florida cop 'jokingly' fires gun he thought was unloaded into the chest of his Florida cop buddy, killing him instantly, and is instead deprived of the laughs he so craved for his wit and guile source: nbcnews.com \| share:	249
		At least nine die during baptism ceremony in Johannesburg, where they really must take their dunking seriously source: aljazeera.com \| share:	40

Sun December 04, 2022
		DeSantis suspends citizen-elected prosecutor for being a "woke ideologue," leading to DeSantis officials having to define woke in court. "The belief there are systemic injustices in American society and the need to address them." So, the Deep State? source: floridapolitics.com \| share:	124
		Officials question security protocols, Indiana Jones fandom after man brings gun to Sword Game source: masslive.com \| share:	15
		House for sale: 2 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath, baseboard heat, full basement, one owner source: foxnews.com \| share:	98

Sat December 03, 2022
		Mass Lottery officials worried this economy's diverted rubes from losing money on scratchers & Keno; "I've been calling All or Nothing 'Nothing But Nothing.' It has not truly added anything to the bottom line" source: cbsnews.com \| share:	50
		Group arrested for cleaning up graffiti source: msn.com \| share:	41
		Luis Suarez takes a bite out of FIFA after Uruguay crashes out of World Cup source: metro.co.uk \| share:	13
		F-16 pilot blamed for crashing $27-million aircraft during civilian plane interception because he ejected prematurely source: airforcetimes.com \| share:	22

Fri December 02, 2022
		Rural Colorado is losing cows to an influx of streetlights source: theguardian.com \| share:	39
		Middle-school kids eat some cannabis edibles. Extreme panic ensues. In Los Angeles source: cbsnews.com \| share:	41

Thu December 01, 2022
		Carjacking falls flat after trio fails to notice that the car they are swiping was waiting for a tire change source: nj.com \| share:	35
		Science experiment ends up allowing students to get out of school early source: ksl.com \| share:	47
		It's starting to look like the police involved in investigating those four dead University of Idaho students got their training from the same place as all those internet detectives who broke the Boston Marathon bombing case wide open source: cnn.com \| share:	211
		That the Swiss have only frozen $8bil of the estimated $150+bil of Russian cash in their banks is just cuckoo. OTOH at least they're not Belgians. Belgians are dicks source: finance.yahoo.com \| share:	8
		IMF Chief Strategist makes unbelievable trip to China source: ibtimes.com \| share:	3
		Jewelry salesperson followed onto freeway, stopped and boxed in by two vehicles. Suspects steal jewelry, leave one vehicle behind, disappearing into rush hour traffic. Oceans Italian Job coming to Netflix in January source: ktla.com \| share:	9
(Some Guy)		More than 800 North Carolina HS basketball referees might get called for walking source: highschoolot.com \| share:	17

Wed November 30, 2022
		That little temper tantrum that the GOP-dominated Board of Elections for Cochise County, AZ is throwing where they are refusing to certify the results of this last election? It could cost the GOP a seat in the US House of Representatives source: msn.com \| share:	64

Tue November 29, 2022
		Pilot walks six miles for help after plane crash. And boy, were his arms tired source: kiro7.com \| share:	36
		How many snow angels do you have to make to clear a sidewalk, wouldn't it be easier to just use a shovel? source: triblive.com \| share:	29

Mon November 28, 2022
		Huge section of lake ice breaks free, setting so many fishermen adrift that authorities trigger emergency cell phone alerts to let them all know to panic source: wdio.com \| share:	31
		Hey NFL refs, Seattle's 12th Man is just a slogan, not a valid strategy source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	33
		Chinese police bravely protect BBC reporter against Covid by beating and arresting him source: huffpost.com \| share:	41
		Houston shuts down schools over boil order. Ted Cruz seen shopping for airline tickets source: cnn.com \| share:	49

Sun November 27, 2022
		Qatari officials hate rainbows for some reason or another source: cnn.com \| share:	16
		This is a test. This is only a radioactive test. Well, the radioactivity is real, but it's still only a test. Please do not be alarmed, unless you're on fire again source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	15

Sat November 26, 2022
		11foot8 bridge meet 12foot6 tunnel source: wcvb.com \| share:	30

Thu November 24, 2022
		"They can jump up to five feet high; they're impressive animals" source: msn.com \| share:	33
		Oregon: Cannabis-burglar boppers are outmatched by police chopper coppers source: koin.com \| share:	17
		We get it, you scam AND vape source: ktla.com \| share:	5

Wed November 23, 2022
		Look guys, we just bribed FIFA officials to have the tournament here and being gay is illegal and there's no freedom of speech but you guys shouldn't throw stones, okay? Both sides are bad source: cnn.com \| share:	145
		Depite the fact that there's an automatic recount, losing Arizona Republican candidate for state office files lawsuit. They've done their own research source: thehill.com \| share:	25
		Always make sure you've not packed your live cat before checking your luggage at airline counter source: nbc-2.com \| share:	46

Tue November 22, 2022
(Some Guy)		The first labor strike took place over 3,000 years ago in Egypt. Workers were striking for better pay, better conditions and not being forced to walk sideways all the time source: worldhistory.org \| share:	12
		Grass Valley hemp processing plant catches on fire; Cheetos and Mtn Dew en route source: koin.com \| share:	12

Mon November 21, 2022
		Now that the election is over and we're not fearmongering about violent crime any more, let's deal with society's real problems - like teens attempting to reboot "Jackass" source: boston.com \| share:	47
		Republican election official in Maricopa County has to go into hiding after violent threats from the Lake campaign source: fox10phoenix.com \| share:	156
		Texas customs agents check case of beer, find out why Lone Star tastes like monkey piss source: cnn.com \| share:	27

Sat November 19, 2022
		God is trying to defund the police source: cnn.com \| share:	26

Fri November 18, 2022
		Now here's something to crow about source: vtdigger.org \| share:	6

Thu November 17, 2022
		DNA analysis reveals that Ro attempted to wade source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	47
		HBCU Talladega College women's volleyball team quits conference tournament after team member receives "racially motivated picture" on cellphone during awards banquet. Way to go again, Alabama source: al.com \| share:	19
		L.A. County Sheriff Department members are on the scene of a "run and hit" incident source: cbsnews.com \| share:	35

Wed November 16, 2022
		Maybe media holding companies should not own hospitals source: 6abc.com \| share:	20
		Floridaman offspring aged 12 & 13, organize $350k foam party in local warehouse. Warehouse owner feels lucky there were only three at the party source: kiro7.com \| share:	35
		This article may cause the Obvious tag to be blown to another dimension source: cbc.ca \| share:	20
		House blows up in southern Indiana. This is not a repeat of the one from several months ago. This time with video of explosion and redneck interviews source: 14news.com \| share:	42

Tue November 15, 2022
		Judge vacates a Trump immigration policy, allowing asylum seekers access to the border again source: cnn.com \| share:	28
		Does this taste like urine to you? source: abc27.com \| share:	34
		Novax WelcometoAustralianOpenvic source: espn.com \| share:	22
		"What day is it?", asked Piglet. "It's the day we turn violent," said the residents of Guangzhou. "Oh, bother," said Pooh source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	49
		White supremacist Texas middle school teacher fired. One down, another 30000 to go source: nbcnews.com \| share:	164

Mon November 14, 2022
		New York loser considering run for RNC chairman. No, not that one source: nbcnews.com \| share:	23
		Day 264 of WW3: Can't the Orcs even set a trap competently? Zelensky visits Kherson. Kherson now frontline city after Russian forces withdraw. Ukrainian officials restoring key services. It's your Monday Ukraine war discussion source: cnn.com \| share:	726

Sun November 13, 2022
		🎵 They fight, they bite 🎵 They bite and fight and bite 🎵 Bite, bite, bite - fight, fight, fight 🎶 The Trumpy and Turtle Show 🎶 source: businessinsider.com \| share:	85
		Just in case anyone was still unaware that all countries try to influence each others' foreign policies to their own benefit, here's a story about the UAE doing so to the US source: thehill.com \| share:	55

Sat November 12, 2022
		What's the sound a bison makes when it charges into a dumb tourist? BANFF source: calgary.ctvnews.ca \| share:	50
		Terminal man dies at Paris airport source: yahoo.com \| share:	61
		Infamous Red Light District in Amsterdam to be replaced by a multi-story 'erotic centre' complete with 100 of rooms for sex and booze for greater 'class and distinction.' Bonus: Health center for sex toy removal (possible nsfw content on page) source: dailystar.co.uk \| share:	76
		Three college students hospitalized with massive headaches after night at local bar, but they didn't imbibe any alcohol. What they experienced is just considered Ent-ropy source: wfsb.com \| share:	28

Fri November 11, 2022
		Arizona says they'll finally get around to counting all those votes next week source: thehill.com \| share:	61
		Illinois Nazis. I still hate Illinois Nazis source: chicago.suntimes.com \| share:	91
		Officer fired after 2 deadly shootings can't find work, loses dog, truck, family. Just kidding, hired as officer 40 miles away source: ktvu.com \| share:	25
		NFL: Yeah, the refs TOTALLY blew those calls in the Bears- Dolphins game. We're really not going to do anything about it, but we thought you would like to know. Sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ source: ftw.usatoday.com \| share:	24

Thu November 10, 2022
(Some Guy)		Eight takeaways from the 2022 midterms, starting with the fact that "the electorate is more progressive than elected officials and corporate media pundits care to admit" source: jacobin.com \| share:	97
		Texas towns that voted to decriminalize marijuana may be challenged in court. "We have to figure out what the next steps are because we've never had anything on our ballot that directly contradicts state law" source: kwtx.com \| share:	32

Wed November 09, 2022
		Space Force snubs the "War College"/"Defense University" folks, decides the advanced degrees its officers earn while serving will come from a top-10 university. Chair Force gets to be jealous for once source: defensenews.com \| share:	57
		It's raining fire in Hawai'i. Make that fire ants. It's raining fire ants. The little bastards will rain down and bite you all over. It's truly the end of days source: sfgate.com \| share:	56
		Every single Republican the Democrats helped get the nomination, lost. Mission Accomplished source: huffpost.com \| share:	267

Tue November 08, 2022
		Is it a compliment or an insult when Fox News calls Fark's favorite "I Voted" contest winner a 'dystopian rainbow spider' voting sticker? Dystopian, really? source: foxnews.com \| share:	70
		Yacht rot source: jalopnik.com \| share:	149
		Day 258 of WW3: Senior US officials have recently been urging Ukraine to signal it is still open to diplomatic discussions with Russia, sources told CNN. Just in case, you know, that the GQP takes over. VOTE. It's your Tuesday Ukraine war discussion source: cnn.com \| share:	778
		Hurricane watch issued for Florida. Is it Tuesday again already? source: mprnews.org \| share:	15

Sun November 06, 2022
		Pentagon continues the cover up. Says most UFOs are "Chinese drones" source: space.com \| share:	122
		Footloose .... Oops source: msn.com \| share:	44
		Upcoming US intelligence report 'to be cover-up' as officials fear you are 'too stupid' to know the truth about aliens (possible nsfw content on page) source: dailystar.co.uk \| share:	152
		Putin vows to create an army made entirely of people convicted of serious crimes. What a basterd source: cnn.com \| share:	98
		SOMEONE has killed a moose, and as if that wasn't bad enough, SOMEONE has shot an eagle. Information leading to the arrest and conviction of those responsible will result in a reward 50% higher for the eagle, because, you know, moose vs. eagle source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	49

Sat November 05, 2022
		Here's those "powdered" donuts you wanted - wink, wink source: masslive.com \| share:	9
		Parents upset by 40-year-old man who wanted to go back to high school source: 6abc.com \| share:	76
		If the rats are fleeing, that probably means the ship is sinking source: newsweek.com \| share:	53

Fri November 04, 2022
		While Muricans practically shrug off treason, Finland just barely tolerates its PM dancing source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	47
		Elon: Charging $8 twill shoo away the bots. Bots: Now we can claim to be anyone we want for only $8 like, say, ELECTION OFFICIALS. The day before ELECTION DAY source: twitter.com \| share:	386
		Good news everybody, you can now visit Russia without a visa for a happy, worry free excursion source: themoscowtimes.com \| share:	51

Thu November 03, 2022
		That Q-believer MAGAT who attacked Paul Pelosi and wanted to break nancy's kneecaps? He didn't even vote in the "stolen" election, because he was an illegal alien....from Canada. I for one say it's aboot time that we built that wall, eh? source: msn.com \| share:	113
		Halloween urban-legend-becomes-reality trifecta in play after someone actually put razor blades in candy source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	69
		US jet whips it out for Putin the pud, draws 'sky penis' over Russian base in the Mediterranean (possible nsfw content on page) source: dailystar.co.uk \| share:	53
		Always remember to get rid of the deceased murder victims in your truck bed BEFORE your crash source: clickondetroit.com \| share:	46
		It was walking dead but it's been resurrected, Coral source: npr.org \| share:	10

Wed November 02, 2022
		ProTip: Don't sleep with an alligator source: msn.com \| share:	23
		Day 252 of WW3: Ukraine's Air Force said it has no effective defense against the types of ballistic missiles that Western officials say Iran is preparing to ship to Russia to use in Ukraine. It's your Wednesday Ukraine war discussion source: cnn.com \| share:	561
		Always remember to Google your childhood friends for interstate murder sprees before they make abrupt requests for shelter turned robbery & execution source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	15