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| Tue May 10, 2022 |
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Company that runs summer camps decide that all campers and staff must be vaccinated. Right-wing agitators declare this an OUTRAGE and company must be boycotted. Since this is in Canada and the company is Tim Horton's, it will be a summer of blood
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Europe goes to war. Have you eaten your salad? Did you remember to give that wolf a banana? Are you cheering for sentimental favorite Ukraine? It's okay, because boys do cry. Eurovision 3pm EDT Peacock/Streaming Global
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It's National barbecued, boiled, broiled, baked, sauteed, kabob, creole, gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried, pineapple , lemon, coconut, pepper, soup, stew, salad, burger, and shrimp sammich Day. That- that's about it
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| (Some Guy) |
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El Salvador "buys the dip" on bitcoin, which is crypto-speak for 'FARK IT, WE'RE DRIVING TO FLORIDA' at 4am when the bars close
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Alex Jones divides by zero
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| Mon May 09, 2022 |
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Well gee, I can't imagine why you would need to increase security around SCOTUS justices and their families. It's not like they're about to hand down a ruling that would deny the rights of half the people in this country overnight or anything
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Russia sanctions could hurt production of blood diamonds, Angolan diamond mine says. In related news, stocks for tiny violin companies are up sharply
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Retired general breaks down what it will take for Ukraine to drive Russia out of the country. Long story short: More troops with bigger guns
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President Biden signs the Peace Through Superior Firepower Act into law. Suck it, Putin
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On this day in history, in 1970, President Nixon had "the weirdest day so far" of his presidency, which somehow did not involve attempting to buy Greenland, drawing on a weather map with a sharpie, fast food, or saluting enemy generals
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Old + busted = 🍆🍑, Old + hot = 🥒🧅🥑🍆 (possible nsfw content on page)
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If your friend asks you to look after his or her pet deadly puff adder, perhaps you should politely but firmly decline (possible nsfw content on page)
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Tell the wife to get her gold-encrusted voting shoes ready: Ferdinand Marcos's son Ferdinand Marcos looks set to win the first outright majority for President of the Phillipines in decades today
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Renewable energy will be the death of us all, says fossil-fuel propaganda outlet
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Realizing that they may have awakened an apocalyptic sleeping giant with the imminent ruling outlawing abortion, some Republicans are offering their thoughts & prayers for those who will be affected
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8 miners are missing after an accident in Burkina Faso. Managers of the mine insist that they be allowed to leave the country. Would you believe they planned the trip *months* ago? What about they only get so many days of vacation every year?
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| Fri April 29, 2022 |
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Trump endorses Pence for reelection (no, not that one)
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China calls its relationship with Russia a 'New Model' for the world apparently after binging a night of "Maury," "Jerry Springer," and russian tequila
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Russia stronkly shrugs off puny economic sanctions, slashes central bank interest rate to 14%, predicts miniscule inflation of 23%, increases chocolate ration to 5 grammes
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Tucker Carlson alerts viewers to a plot straight out of a conservative wet dream
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Get ready for the next wave of resignations, as workers around the country tell their bosses to go fark themselves rather than agree to demands that they return full time to the office
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Acosta accosts Major Traitor Goober about Marshall Law, pulls her trigger, and watches her melt
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| Thu April 28, 2022 |
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Central African Republic makes Bitcoin official currency. Yes, 96% of the population has no access to it... but then again, they probably didn't have any access to the previous currency either
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French President Emmanuel Macron gets the tomato treatment on first public appearance after re-election. No word if the disgruntled onlooker was trying to help him with a lemon dijon vinaigrette country salad
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The hosts proving to little girls everywhere that if you keep asking "What's going to keep me in power?" that someday they too can represent "fark you I got mine" in the aging, out-of-touch political party of their choosing
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Guess who is a fan of separation of church and state? In certain instances
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OMG DEMS IN DISARRAY. ECONOMIC COLLAPSE. INFLATION INFLATION INFLATION. 2022 IS LOST. FLEE, FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES. Gee, it's too bad they couldn't get CNN+ to work
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FOX : "Did you lie?" McCarthy: "Whatabout, uh, the border?" FOX: "Follow up question: did you lie?"
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We are losing 10 soccer fields of tropical forest every minute. No matter whether you translate this to Rhode Islands or Your Moms, this is not good
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Oh, nothing, just the water in Lake Mead falling to a new low that's completely unprecedented in history. How unprecedented? Well, one of the lake's original intake valves from 1971 is now plainly visible
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Putin threatens "lightning-fast strikes" on those who want to intervene in the war
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| Mon April 25, 2022 |
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San Francisco hospital celebrates 1,000th lung transplant, possibly by having confetti wheezed out of a patient's chest
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U.S. Defense Secretary: Ukraine can win the war if they have the right equipment. Subby feels similarly about hooking up with Kate Beckinsale
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As long as you don't mind the floods, hurricanes, chemical plant explosions and increasingly fascist state government, Houston remains a great market for homebuyers
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On this day in history, in 1983, Soviet leader Yuri Andropov wrote a letter to U.S. fifth-grader Samantha Smith, claiming that the Soviet Union wanted peace, understanding, and possibly to steal her washing machine and toilet
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The top oil-exporting county in the world says it it going to ban all exports this week, which is sending oil prices skyrocketing, but is not expected to affect gas prices at all
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Good news everybody, Japan seems well on its way to whitewashing its past
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Add dishwashers to the long list of things Trump doesn't understand
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Earth pops another zit
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Oil depot in Bryansk, Russia suffers a coincidence
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Russian missile to carry several hyperbolic weapons
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| Wed April 20, 2022 |
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Just when you thought the Bernie Bros were out, their namesake pulls them back in
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It's planting season in Ukraine, and we're not just talking about sunflower seeds from the pockets of dead Russian soldiers. This a problem for the world food supply
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Germany's annual producer price inflation topped 30% in March, hitting its highest level since the Federal Statistics Office began collecting data 73 years ago. GQP: This is Biden's fault
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| (What's new, pussycat?) |
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I'd write, "You know who else is one of the fastest college track stars in the country," but this guy was actually able to finish a race
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A majority of voters favor mask and vaccine mandates. Unfortunately the Constitution forbids the majority from ruling in America
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Couple inspired by 'This Is Us' sell house, plan to travel country visiting Bills Backers groups. Asked for a quote, the husband mysteriously just said, "Welcome to Poundtown"
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| Wed April 13, 2022 |
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Charlie Kirk: "Trump and I are not liberals Sure, we may be hipocrites, exploiters, liars, fascists and liberals, but we don't own large buildings"
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Even the Russian hackers are now sucking these days
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Ukraine announces the re-capture of Ukrainian oligarch Viktor Medvedchuk, who fled house arrest on treason charges days after the war began, and most likely would have been head of the "Vichy" Ukrainian government if Putin's invasion plan had worked
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Want to know where the "pickleback" was invented? Well here's the owner of the Bushwick Country Club recounting the story of how a hungover employee and a vinegar-loving patron created the now world famous bourbon-and-pickle juice shot
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Law firm of Dewey, Cheetum & Howe files a class action lawsuit against Netflix for depriving their clients from watching Bridgerton and Don't Look Up after Pooty Poot invaded Ukraine. Actions have consequences
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Today is National Make Lunch Count day, so get into the kitchen and me a sandwich, Dracula
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Oklahoma man caught stealing Audi from Tulsa dealership tries to avoid charges by claiming Donald Trump made him a US Marshal
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Nearly 86% of U.S. COVID cases caused by BA.2. Man, I told you all that the A-Team reboot was a bad idea
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| (Some Baller) |
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Former NBA player Spencer Haywood admits to giving himself a circumcision as a kid. Subby's hurt so bad he couldn't walk for a whole year
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Seattle rent increased by 19% since last year, raising the cost of a modest refrigerator box to unaffordable levels for many
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If your government releases a "military invasion survival guide" you might want to let it in
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Steven Seagal has Fire Down Below for Putin
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Elon Musk: I'm donating terminals to get Starlink to Ukraine. US taxpayers: Explain this bill then?
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| Wed April 06, 2022 |
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For the fourth year in a row, Ohio man gives up food for Lent, subsisting only on beer. "It's not about getting drunk," he said unconvincingly
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Jets owner Woody Johnson donating $1 million to Ukraine. Ukraine would prefer actual jets, but it's something
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US to sanction Putins. Yes, plural
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A Cavalier was elected as the first black mayor of Milwaukee, bucking the system that had never produced a black mayor previously. Before you click, no it's not Lebron James
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Thirty years ago the Soviet Union collapsed. Leaving one Cosmonaut in space saying "Er, guys, can I come home? Please?" for five months
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Russian ultranationalist Vladimir Zhirinovsky dies at 75. No word on exactly which of Dante's circles he will be residing in
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Pope kisses Ukrainian flag, fails to give it tongue
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Rep. Bob Gibbs (R-OH) "I don't want to actually work for votes. I want a job handed to me. Therefore, I quit"
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Wimbledon considering banning Russia's best tennis player in a move that should end the war immediately
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Jewish, Muslim-hating white supremacist Laura Loomer switches districts to run in the GOP primary in "the whitest county in Florida", will focus on "issues of CRT and anti-white racism and anti-white hatred", vows to chain herself to Disney's doors
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| Wed March 30, 2022 |
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There is the Right way, the Wrong way, and the Military way to eat curry
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Cruise ships not risky for Covid, apparently
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And he's single
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Putin the unmerciful has a 1280mph 'Backfire' bomber now being used in Ukraine that can carry hypersonic missiles. This probably won't scare Ukrainians as they have shot everything he's sent at them out of the air so far (possible nsfw content on page)
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Vlad threatens to nuke IKEA, raising fears of even hotter meatballs (possible nsfw content on page)
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Tell a Russian warship to "go fark yourself"? That's a medallin'
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UK company will let your crotchfruit as young as 10 drive a real Ferrari or Lamborghini on a closed course. This tracks - right into the infield if not wall
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'Ol Treepuncher tries attacking LGBT community, Joe Biden, and it goes horribly wrong. Difficulty: From Republicans. "It's sad that a CUSS word.... a CUSS sentence.... can be used by so many folks that claim to love Jesus.... think about it"
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How's that homeowner's insurance market coming along in state prone to frequent hurricanes, tornadoes? "I was shocked when I shopped around, it just didn't seem like anyone wanted my business"
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Americans are making a run for the border to get gas. Not a repeat from 1988
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Now you're just being looney and you're using the goodness of ice cream to do it. Shame on you
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Surprised that Ukraine's Air Force is still flying after more than a month of Russian onslaught? American pilots who've trained with them aren't
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I do not pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, or to the hypocrisy for which it stands, one nation under duress, divided, with liberty and justice for some. Also, I get $90,000 because my teacher threatened to fail me
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| Mon March 28, 2022 |
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Take the last train to Helsinki, I'll be waiting with horns blaring, We'll have time for a little kinky, and a bit of fermented herring, oh no no no, oh no no no
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In Germany, you can go visit the Oo to see the Ebras, go to the movies to watch heroic Orro defend Mexican peons, or listen to _ _ Top's greatest hits
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| (Some Scottish Guy) |
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There's Skywriting, and then there's ... this
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Where do you live in the US? Are you living a blissful life, or are you so stressed out that the knots between your shoulder blades have their own knots? Surprisingly, Fark's favorite state did better than expected, but not by much
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Prepare your fainting couch but BS is spiking
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43 years ago the Three Mile Island nuke plant was exposed to a Pepsi Syndrome
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Russia plans a 'Korean scenario' for Ukraine, Intelligence chief claims, possibly by storming out of a Security Council so the rest of the world can plan a United Nations response
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Day 33 of WW3: Zelensky says Ukraine can be neutral and non-nuclear but wants security guarantees, Putin now plans to split the country, and Biden walks back his regime change remarks. It's your Monday Ukraine War thread
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Sheriff rescues party of 11 from sinking boat during Blue Angels performance during Tampa Bay AirFest. Talk about timing, precision
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| Sat March 26, 2022 |
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Good news for Music lovers - one of the Bay Area's last country music stations is no more
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America embraces the calm before the next pandemic
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Putin: They got the Golden Arches, mine is Sideway Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds
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Fox News confused by pizza
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Sarah Palin (R) running for Congress on news that her style of uneducated, unqualified, and unashamed pseudo-politics has become the GOP mainstream
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Laura Ingraham: "Sure, we kind of feel bad for all those Ukrainian folks who lost everything. But if we accept refugees, your taxes will go up and that's bad"
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Flu cases rising as more Americans forego masks, breathe all over each other
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Russians are no longer able to listen to Joe Rogan
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| Fri March 25, 2022 |
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Gay whale tangled in fetish gear prompts search by Devo. Wait, hang on, let me put my glasses on
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Russian State TV: "In January, experts on the same show estimated that Russia could overtake the entire neighboring country in a matter of 11 minutes. Their current predictions have shifted from minutes to decades"
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Today is International Waffle Day, so here's a mighty fine serving of Scattered, Smothered, Chopped, Chunked, Diced, Capped, Topped, Peppered, and Country songs to accompany your meal
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Remember when Hannity and Tulsi were besties?
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It's like a caaaaaaaaaake laced wiith weed on your wedding day
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Expecto absurdum (possible nsfw content on page)
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Russia has kidnapped more than 400,000 Ukrainians
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Failing Russian troops now have extra stress on the battle front, Putin the tyrant has decided an 'end date' for the Ukraine war and told they must win by then (possible nsfw content on page)
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Psst, wanna buy some oil and gas? We accept Bitcoin, or anything else you have on you
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