headlines found matching 'United States' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Fri November 16, 2018 |
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The racist Census citizenship question will be debated by the Supreme Court
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Innovative Welsh social program is introduced to the U.S. seeking to eliminate violence, vowels
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The year 2035 will be the year when China takes on the world. Mark it on your calendar so you will be ready for your new overlords
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Kemp*
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"Opinion" writer likens Sen Kamala Harris to McCarthy because she asked if the nominee to head ICE shares immigrants' concern that ICE is like the KKK. Fails to mention same nominee likened liberals to the KKK
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Home DNA tests doom anonymity for sperm, egg donors, future episodes of "Maury"
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Let's look at the PR firm that attacked George Soros in order to help Facebook profit
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Morning, Joe. It's Friday; we made it another week through this crazy reality. What is the topic of breakfast conversation today? Obstruction of justice from Trump? Seems he does that a lot, doesn't it. "But now it's in the light of day"
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Trump should cancel his Star Wars sequel. Wait, they were making a Jabba movie?
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It's Fresh Hell Friday and still no indictments. We did learn DOJ is going after Assange, Acosta got his credentials back, and Trump supposedly has written answers to Mueller's questions. Strap in for the MSNBC Friday thread - start 8 PM ET
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Meanwhile, the lame duck session of the Ohio General Assembly is trying to overturn Roe v. Wade on the DL
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The time has come to rein in social media
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The Saudis are really sorry. And to show it, they're attacking the US oil market
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Illustrated Japanese history of America from 1861 recounts the time John Adams summoned an eagle to kill the giant snake that ate his mom
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Trump says he has finished answers to special counsel's questions. Funny how they're the same as little Timmy's. Knew we should have separated them
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Sending Fethullah Gulen to Turkey would be a national disgrace ..which is probably the reason why the Trump Administration wants to do it
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Trump administration responds to court ruling that gives Jim Acosta back his press pass; says it will establish new rules to ensure decorum at the White House. That's the joke
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Because she was once greeted by protesters armed with signs, Betsy DeVos has demanded armed security accompany her at all times, costing taxpayers $20 million. Pretty sure that money could be better used for education
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Are there any cities who want to host the 2026 Winter Olympics? Hello? Anybody? *tumbleweeds*
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Climate change is a Marxist Hoax according to Ernesto Araújo, Brazil's new Foreign Minister and aging Tobey Maguire impersonator
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Just in time for Thanksgiving, a massive turkey recall due to salmonella contamination fears that have left one dead
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You want Nickelback? This is how you get Nickelback
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48 Conservative MPs outraged that Theresa May can't write a Brexit agreement everyone likes, cure cancer, or invent a flying car now want her out. New PM expected to be just an Everlast punching bag filled with pound notes
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Jimmy Kimmel learns what Michelle Obama couldn't say when she was First Lady
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Trump will soon have an on-camera meltdown so bad the GOP won't be able to ignore it
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A desperate Tesla slashes prices on home solar systems in an attempt to spark some sales
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What is the most egregious, obvious lie Americans tell themselves? Something tells me it should be "This is fine; everything's fine"
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Joe the Camel is dead, cigarette commercials are gone, so why is our teens smoking again?
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1,500 inmate firefighters are risking their lives in California. All this hands-on training and experience will help them l- checks notes- they can't be firefighters due to their criminal records
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Well GOP, you can rest easy in Florida, voter suppression worked
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"You're 120 seconds late submitting your recount totals, Broward County? So sad, too bad"
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On heels of naming Manfred their man, MLB announces huge $5.1 billion extension for Fox Sports to continue as national baseball broadcaster through 2028, up 36 percent from current deal. Somebody (perhaps you) is watching all these games
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Canada is dealing with record numbers of asylum seekers fleeing from cruel and harsh conditions in a shiathole country. Nope not that one
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| Thu November 15, 2018 |
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Congressional freshmen emerge as Instagram stars. For the life of me, I cannot remember what made them think that they were wise, and they never compromised
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US Senator warns the Federalist Society that the left will initiate a civil war unless we go back to things as they were in 1890
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China responds in writing to US trade demands
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The midterms should serve as a reminder of how race affects our voting experience
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New antibacterial defense mechanism discovered in the nose. Stop using Purell, there's a better way to clean your fingers
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How do you recruit the modern couch potato to join the army? Start a Fortnight team
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Federal Building evacuated after discovery of wrapped Christmas present. Police considered it suspicious because government employees normally just get coal
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Facebooks' latest episodes have allowed it to be upgraded to "sleazy"
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The crying Nazi has released Angry Goy 2 where you can play as Richard Spencer rescuing Donald Trump from leftists. Levels include shooting your way through a gay night club and the 'Fake News Network'
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A major Frida Kahlo exhibit is coming to the Brooklyn Museum. It will be great for serious students of art or people just looking to brows
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Trump-appointed judge upholds Trump-angering Mueller Trump-investigation. Welp, Trump-boned
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Trump administration sanctions 17 Saudis over the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, telling them that it will no longer sell them weapons and they'll just have to ask the crown prince to share the ones he will still be allowed to buy
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How many Rooney's will Wayne Rooney Rooney in the friendly between the United States and the England National Rooney's? Find out at 3pm ET. ESPN2 for us Yanks
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| (Interesly) |
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That time a Man sued Satan for depriving him of his civil rights
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"Residents of an upscale part of Tijuana". There's an upscale part of Tijuana?
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President Numbnuts just said the quiet part loud about Whitaker
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News: Bruce Poliquin (R-Bathroom) loses his seat after Ranked Choice Votes are counted. Fark: Federal Judge tells him to STFU when he demanded to stop the vote before the first run so that he win
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WH: Look, Erdy, we love ya, but you're putting us in a tough spot. We can't go after our bankroll-...er, i mean, close allies. How about this, we give you Gulen and you can just forget this whole Khashoggi matter. Deal?
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America is hopelessly split between the right and left and the political relationship isn't getting any better. Maybe it's time to make it official and break up
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No, you cannot still see Sputnik. It crashed back to Earth after just 3 months. And the reason why is affecting every spacecraft in low-Earth orbit, including the ISS and Hubble
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Hitler on the Roof
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Trump tweets: "The White House is running very smoothly and the results for our Nation are obviously very good. We are the envy of the world." Twitter responds appropriately
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Morning, Joe. How's that coffee? Anything for breakfast this morning? Really? Cereal? That seems--hold on, Trump said what about cereal? "It's just another lie; he's not even trying anymore." Yeah, Joe, you're right; pass the ImPeachios and milk
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Everything is awesome. No need to worry. We're all doing great here. No, really. This is normal. Everything's normal. In fact, better than normal. Everyone else wishes they had it this good
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🎵 The best part of waking up...Is doing some lines and tweeting shiat up🎵
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Oregon wants to bring cutest sea animals ever back to coast. No, not that one, the otter one
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Trump admits that the police and military are rife with White Supremacists, surprising nobody
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Our uncertain and inadequate military spending will infect your soul, curve your spine, and lose the war for the Allies
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Democrats, learn from the midterms, you have a simple path to victory in 2020; just ignore Trump
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US legislators urge China sanctions over Xinjiang crackdown, in face of opposition who claim "Xinjiang crackdown, and I don't care, Xinjiang crackdown, and I don't care, Xinjiang crackdown, and I don't care, 'cuz the Muslims gone away"
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| Wed November 14, 2018 |
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After Obama's consumer-choice killing fiduciary rule expired, consumers got the choice they always wanted: 65% more commission-based annuities
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'Apparently, Sod Poodles mature into Chihuahuas and ultimately Padres.'
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All 59 Republican judges running for reelection lost in the midterms in the extremely liberal town of A: Berkeley? B: San Francisco? or C: Houston?
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Interesting documenT filed in mueller case SuggesTs secRet defendant whose identiy is Under wraps May be Prominent federal official
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Mia Love attempts to dodge the bus by throwing the only liberal county in Utah under the bus
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Trump sticks his nose in the McCarthy-Jordan Republican leadership brawl, tries to make it about him
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So, have you stopped beating your wife, Mr. Avenatti?
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Copy: "There Is No Progressive Majority in America". Submit to Fark. Hmm hmm, now dance my pretties
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I'm a huge fan of pointing out the popular vote results of 2016, but even I draw the line somewhere. This is ridiculous
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It be National Pickle Day. What do you call a pickle from the backwoods?
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Nate Silver confirms the wavenosity of the blue event last Tuesday
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Atlanta offered Amazon its own train car if HQ2 came to town. And if Amazon hit its jobs targets, they were gonna let Bezos put on a conductor hat and drive
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"The fact that America has become unpredictable lately is no secret to anyone. Such unpredictability from the largest country, the most powerful economy in the world, is the subject of deep global concern." You''ll never guess who
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Democrats: "Make sure every vote counts." Republicans: "Get over it, our guy won." Democrats: Looks like a Republican is questioning election results." Republicans: "Make sure every vote counts"
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Tom MacArthur who voted numerous times to get rid of pre-existing conditions can officially look for a new job that covers Everything Trump Touches Dies
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All that talk about public hanging by a GOP runoff candidate is going to get her a presidential rally
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878,000 millionaires added in last 12 months in the U.S.... but not you. You got a hot cocoa sampler box
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The first wave of the 65,000,000 assassins, warfare gorillas and MS-13 Ninjas are arriving at the US border. The end will soon be upon us my friends, love your family, friends in your final days and don't forget to cancel your Netflix account
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Trump has sent our military to the Texas border to sit in the mud and do nothing
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The absolute perfect xmas gift for the Trump hater in your life
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Matthew Whitaker says that Matthew Whitaker is perfectly cromulent acting as Matthew Whitaker, but is willing to consult Matthew Whitaker for further advice on Matthew Whitaker
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Now Florida Senator Marco Rubio is just making sh*t up for partisan gain by promoting false conspiracy theories
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Study: over 150 million academic papers were downloaded from pirate site in 2017 by users who refused to pay extortionate subscription fees for official journals. Top downloads included medical and biotech-related papers, Nature articles
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Chance, CardiB, and calculator kingpin TI will be judges on a Netflix hip-hop talent show
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Yes
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Your liberal friend on FB: Trump called for the military ballots cast in Florida's election not to be counted, on Veteran's Day no less. Snopes: Actually, Yeah, he kinda did
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| (Some Guy) |
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We all know that one person who likes ranch dressing just a little bit too much. This magnum sized bottle is for them
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Democrats only want Trump's tax returns to embarrass him so he doesn't have to turn them over, well unless it has to do with a legitimate reason like investigating bribes, but this law talking guy already gave Donnie the excuse he will use
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Fifty years ago this month. Biology teacher Susan Epperson won her case at the Supreme Court against an Arkansas law saying that teaching evolution was a crime
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The recession will hit in 2020 and be wok-shaped
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Bono's cryptic statement to a crowd in Berlin hints the greatest band in existence may be retiring
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Maddow posits Trump is cracking under democratic pressure. Seems it's the terror of knowing what this world is about, watching cabinet members screaming "LET ME OUT"
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AT&T'S CEO says that state net neutrality laws are a "total disaster" (for him).[grumpy_cat_good.jpg]
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Turning apples into artworks
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Eric Swalwell says that the days of "presidential immunity" are over. Hmmm, sounds like a fights a brewin'
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Who could replace Kirstjen Nielsen at DHS? The options are terrifying
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Calgary to the IOC: How about no, eh?
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| Tue November 13, 2018 |
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Not news: Technician skips a redundant calibration of equipment. News: It's a NJ State Trooper calibrating breathalyzers. Fark: 20,667 DWI cases from 2008 to 2016 can be dismissed
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Facebook: Uhhh....its our first day?
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"I'm a state senator. I was not yelling. I was not chanting. I stood peacefully next to my constituents because they wanted their voices to be heard, and now I'm being arrested." It has begun
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'A continued, all-hands-on-deck effort to reach young, Latino voters could make Texas fully competitive,' GOP sphincters tighten irreparably
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Big losers in this year's election: Florida voters, the GOP, Trump. Big winners: Sinclair, Nexstar and Fox's bottom lines
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Trump calls for "immediate end" to recount in Florida, saying it could set dangerous precedent of the person with the most votes winning
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Kalifornia Uber Alles: Blue wave grants Democrats a veto-proof supermajority in state legislature. Y'all be forced to gay marry vegan turtles now
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"He later corrected his spelling of cemetery"
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As Infrastructure Week enter its 663rd day, Wilbur Ross claims the only obstacle to spending money on infrastructure is finding the money. Funny, that wasn't a problem for tax cuts
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Andrew Cuomo to Scott Walker: The idea is to announce the giant corporate-welfare boondoggle AFTER the election, dumbass
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So let me get this straight: American consumers pay the increased costs associated with tariffs and American tax payers foot the bill for bailing out the Chinese-owned company affected by the tariffs? Okay, I'm tired of winning now
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RBG back at it, working from home and being more productive than you right now
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Dems officially flip AZ senate seat. CNN sued the WH. Nielsen reportedly getting fired later this week. Mueller had a grand jury session today. John Kelly and an NSC aide may or may not be out. It's only Tuesday. MSNBC thread 8 PM EST start time
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California Firefighters Union president says firefighters "and the communities in this state deserve an apology" from Trump. In subsequent interview with a local news outlet, he got a little more specific. "You're an idiot"
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Kashoggi should have clearly stated "The crown prince is responsible for killing me" while being murdered. But he didn't, so the recording clearly vindicates the prince
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When President Trump sends the military to the border, he's not sending their best. They bring crime, they're rapists, and some, I assume, are good people
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New guidelines say all adults should be screened for unhealthy alcohol use, incomprehensible Fark submissions
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Much like their philosophy, beliefs, and attitudes, the alt-right's favorite meme is 100 years old
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Even more cause for optimism if you trend left...the democrats biggest gains in the mid-terms wasn't in the suburbs- it was in rural America. Seems like the flyover voters are getting a wee bit tired of serving their face to the leopards
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Bizarro world- Red state voters legalized marijuana, expanded healthcare for the poors, and increased the minimum wage last Tuesday
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Pundits on election night: There was no Blue Wave. Nope. Didn't happen. Pundits one week later: You know, weeee may have spoken too soon
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While there may have been some voting irregularities in Georgia at least they didn't have a federal judge rule that they're in violation of the Civil Rights Act.... until this morning
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A history lesson about how Andrew Johnson, "a Difficult, Racist, Stubborn President Was Removed From Power-If Not From Office" . Why do we bring this up just now? Oh, no real reason
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Disney World bans man who held Trump signs on rides because the fascist views hit a little too close to Donald Duck's Nazism
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44-year-old elephant hurt in Vietnam War found wandering alone on a road in New York
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White Supremacists celebrate their "victory" in the Midterm Elections. No one ever claimed these folks were rocket surgeons
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DOJ goes after six broadcasting companies for illegally sharing information, violating antitrust laws
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The United States Government is currently suing 1,855.6 pounds of fish meat
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Federal judge rules that all ballots in the Georgia governor's race must be counted and additionally demands to know why the state tried to disenfranchise so many people in the first place
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US hate crimes rose 17% in 2017. Thanks Trump
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Maybe Trump's tariffs aren't as bad as we thought
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I don't think "Rendre la France Grande à Nouveau" will fit on a baseball cap
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What would happen if Trump decides to ignore an unfavorable 2020 election outcome if the result is a slim loss for him?
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| (Some Actress) |
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QueenOFoxes, formerly kiwimoogle84, sharing her hilarious method of coping with the Trump administration (Sponsored Link)
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Of course I knew North Korea is developing missiles. That's exactly what is supposed to be happening. It's all going according to plan
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Is there ANYONE in the trump Administration that hasn't got a shady past? No
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Boss Tweet refers to Comcast as "Public Enemy No. 1." And by "public," he means Fox
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Study: 1 in 10 Americans struggle to control sexual urges, although around you they don't seem to have any difficulty
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Time to throw the Secret Service under the bus
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Trump: EU shouldn't try to work together because "they were starting to learn German in Paris before the US came along"
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Harley-Davidson goes all-in on its history. Bye-bye
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Thoughts on all twenty-five National Book Award finalists
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It turns out wringing out a fish for its sweet, LDL-lowering oil is a productive and healthful activity. Subby is relieved, expects his trial for wanton fish cruelty to be dismissed
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Let's see...It's a Trump tweet about the California wildfires. And it has irregular capitalization. But there's way too much compassion and empathy. VERDICT: Trump didn't write this
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Man who might be the next mass shooter has been released from police custody. Fark needs a Farkin' Terrified tag
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| Mon November 12, 2018 |
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Wisconsin GOP seek to limit power of Governor, because of bedrock conservative ideals, and on account of their GOP governor being sent his walking papers by the voters
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Unanimous SC decision on age discrimination and its application to government workers, provides refreshing evidence that eight elderly government workers can agree on certain issues in an unbiased and unprejudiced manner
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McSally finally concedes in Arizona, making Kyrsten Sinema the first Democratic Senator from Arizona in almost a quarter century
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Making the Dominican Republic Great Again
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Trudeau acknowledges Canada has "listened to Khashoggi tapes," says they might not win a Juno but they're pretty solid indie work
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United States claims top two spots in the top 10 fastest supercomputer rankings; can now run Crysis in 1080P
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Swift Boater Jerome Corsi tells friends he's been informed by Mueller that he'll be indicted for perjury soon
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This month's edition of "ZOMG, antibiotics are becoming useless and we're all gonna die" brought to you by a professor of biochemistry and bio-medical sciences
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Plane flies over Chapel Hill, NC with confederate flag and message "All veterans matter" Submitter curious where in North Carolina they'll put the memorial for the 300 veterans who fought for ISIS
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The first wave of invaders from the migrant caravan show up 3 weeks early after mysterious Soros funded group pays them to be stuffed into the trunk of a Corolla
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The hero we deserve: Guy Fieri
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"Why the hell are U.S. cities spending tens of billions of dollars to steal jobs from one another in the first place?"
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It's time for America to build a bigger House ..the kids need their own rooms
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How to Drive a Robot on Mars. Step 1: Make sure it has wheels, blinkers, and is otherwise street-legal
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Where were you when Facebook went down? Have you checked in OK?
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It says a lot about the state of the *rest* of the world that the Dollar is still surging against basically all competitor currencies
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Security guard stops attempted mass shooting. Responding cops shoot and kill the security guard. Why yes, the guard was black, why do you ask?
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Texas man loses his mind when seeing protesters advocating the removal of confederate monuments, screaming "JESUS F*CKING HATES YOU" and accusing them of tearing down American history. Looks like someone doesn't know the confederacy wasn't America
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The President of the United States says that vote counting cannot continue and we must abide by his decree of the results
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State AG Pam Bondi lashes out against law enforcement department for not opening investigation of voter fraud claims by her Batboy boss Rick Scott. That's how departments independent of political appointees are supposed to run
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To all of the veterans here on Fark, a sincere and heartfelt Thank You
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Drone Owners: What advice would you have for someone buying their first drone? Are there certain features that are must-haves?
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| (AZ Mirror) |
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Sinema declares victory in the AZ Senate race
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Why have yoga and meditation taken off so quickly in the US?
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Thank God for the ACLU
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| Sun November 11, 2018 |
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Addressing WWII veterans at a solemn event, President Trump takes the opportunity to complain about having to stand in the rain
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My husband's opinions are "not relevant"
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The album is dying--and the music business might not be able to save it
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Lindsey Graham slams Macron's speech as anti-Trump and "playing politics"
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"Sheesh, woman, would you go ahead and drop out before I commit even more election fraud? Seriously, I'm almost out of tricks and you're really cramping my style"
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The internet remembers, Sugar, and is telling you that you won't melt
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5,600 active-duty troops fan out across southern border doing what they do best: picking up trash, painting rocks, directing traffic, marching aimlessly, that sort of thing. It's almost as if the CiC had never heard the phrase "Posse Comitatus"
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So how long would it take Alibaba (the Amazon of China) to sell $1 billion in merchandise on "Singles Day"? If you had 85 seconds in the pool. congrats, you're a...wait...85 SECONDS?
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French President Macron: "I don't conduct diplomacy through tweets." So that's at least one thing he has in common with Trump, because whatever Cheetofingers is doing, it sure ain't diplomatic
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Families of sailors killed in the USS Cole attack are suing the state sponsors of Al Qaeda. Guess which side Trump has taken
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Georgia jail inmates write letter honoring fallen officer
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1922 handwritten letter reveals that Einstein feared a future Nazi Germany long before anyone else, making him a Nostradamus instead of a Romero
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R.I.P. "Nixonland", dead at 129
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Turkey continues to play the perfect media game with Saudi Arabia as news comes out that they have the Khashoggi tapes ... and have handed them over to other governments
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| Sat November 10, 2018 |
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It's like unclaimed freight but with dead people
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Fox News tells Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez if she doesn't like their constant needling and harassment, she can just come on the network and criticize them to their faces
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Republicans demand recount be stopped
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State police raid gated community's "security" office. Turns out, rent-a-cops may not be legally authorized to pull people over with illegally modified cars, detain them, and shake them down for HOA money. Oh, and drugs
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Trump says California forest people bad by letting fires start. Can't have federal money until they stop letting trees burn. Bad tree people
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U.S. to cease refueling Saudi aircraft flying to Yemen. Saudi ambassador reportedly flying back to Washington to whack Trump on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper
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TRUMP: Europe needs to fund more military stuff MACRON: How about a European Army? TRUMP: That's stupid, you're stupid
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| (Some Guy) |
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Run for office in Louisiana as a Democrat? That's a firing
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"The red tsunami totally happened"
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Amazon will begin selling the most overprice electronics known to man
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Wally Triplett, the first African-American player to be drafted into the NFL passes away at the age of 92. Godspeed, Wally, and thank you
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If you think the acting Attorney General is a Trump toady and nothing more, you're wrong. He's also a bigot who says non-Christians shouldn't be allowed to be Federal Judges
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Could a bad NFL team beat top rated college team Alabama (9-0)? Let's see what the oddsmakers say?
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Cigarette smoking in the U.S. reaches an all-time low, as former users find more pleasure in abusing weed, tranquilizers and opioids
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Turns out that the Neanderthals might not be the cavemen we thought they were
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| Fri November 09, 2018 |
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Do you ever find yourself wondering how the top five most racist candidates performed on election day? Well, here ya go
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The weird hair. The inhuman orange colour. Those haunting eyes. Yeah, I can see how people might make this mistake on their ballot
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Something looks weird In Broward County. Oh, never mind. It's Florida, Todd
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A moment of silence for Bernard Bragg, legendary mime, who will now spend eternity trapped in a box
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Tomorrow he'll walk past a mirror and demand to know who let in the clown with the combover
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Not News: Local high school wins soccer game. News: After playing with an extra player on the field for 12 minutes. Fark: the win can't be appealed, so they advance in the playoffs
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You haven't heard about the migrant caravan coming up from south of the border lately because of the midterms and President Trump blowing his mouth off. Here's what it's been up to
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Video of the near collision between American and Chinese warships has just been released, and wtf can't anybody in the navy drive a damn boat?
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Keystone XL pipeline that was ln again, then off again, then back on again, is apparently permanently off again
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Jim Mattis, the only adult in the room, is trying to keep the US from going to war with China
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The Notorious RBG cannot be stopped by something as trifling as a few broken ribs
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Chinese state media debuts 'AI' T-1000 series news anchors, has Skynet a bit twitchy
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The working class is still trying to send politicians a message, but they aren't listening
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Governor Batboy files lawsuit and sends his armed goons to prevent all the votes from being counted
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More likely to wind up with you spending money than taking your SO and/or kids to the mall, it's the Friday Fark Gaming Thread. Link goes to Jill of the Jungle free at GOG. What have you been playing? RDR2? What's the last game you bought? Tell us
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Russia sold 19.5% of Rosneft to Qatar in 2016, but are now admitting it was a loan to one of the richest countries in the world...hey why does "19.5% of Rosneft" sound so familiar? Hey Mr. Steele, can you help me out?
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It's time we face facts, America: The real problem with massive gun violence is the guns
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Remember that TX woman who went into labor while attending a protest about Trump's immigration policy? She's now a CONGRESSwoman
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While the counting for the 2018 Senate election is still going on, lets look at the map for 2020 because we can never get a break from these people
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A new experimental treatment may give actual celiac sufferers the ability to consume glutens, and everybody else the ability to pretend that their pretend intolerance has been cured
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So what can Mark Twain and Emily Dickinson teach us about autism?
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| Thu November 08, 2018 |
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Duncan Hines recalls several kinds of their cake mix due to salmonella concerns; when asked for comment, their CEO responds,"Let 'em eat pie." mmm, pie
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Democrat takes lead in Arizona Senate race as GOP fails to stop vote count
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A "win" isn't always a "win" when your grapefruit suddenly won't return your calls
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Sorry, we don't take Asylum seekers anymore. Guy in the white hood on the border should have told you
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Chinese premier Xi to America- "RESPECT MA AUTHORITY"
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Judge denies hug to savage, murdering drug lord
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You might have thought the midterms are over, but there are 16 races that are still too close to call
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Operation Shoot the Brown People is now being called Operation Puppies and Rainbows
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In a move that will surely end well, United States warns other nations to neither accept Iranian oil or let Iranian oil into their ports or territorial waters. Yes, the tag is appopriate; wars have been started over less
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Audio leaked of Whitaker saying that not only can Trump end any investigation ever, period. The president cannot be charged with obstruction of justice. Have a listen
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Here's a story to take the edge off this awful morning. Remember Zach Wahls? He's the Eagle Scout who, 7 years ago as a teen, defended the rights of his two lesbian mothers in front of the Iowa House. He's now going to Des Moines as a state senator
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FL Sen and Gov races are going to recounts. WH pulls Acosta's credentials and posts fake video of him. Protests over firing of Sessions going on. It's Election Fallout Day 2: Bring your liquor if you still have any - 8 PM ET MSNBC thread
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American Democracy: All you need to do is get 12 million more votes than your rivals, and you can get fewer Senators
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to California, where they can finally roam free
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Why are Russian troll farms so successful? Because Americans are so gullible. Turns out Abraham Lincoln was absolutely correct when he told us not to believe everything we see on the internet
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"I'm sorry, but it looks like your employee's been hit by a bus." "I know, - but she has a great personality, and she's good at finance"
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Marco Rubio complains in a Twitter thread that wanting all votes counted properly is basically the same as stealing. #sayfie
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The voting totals in Florida's Governor race between Gillum and DeSantis are now so close that it's triggered a forced recount with thousands of votes still untallied. Luckily recounts have never gone wrong in Florida
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Trump voters: We love the Constitution... apart from that part we don't like and want changed
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Susan Collins addresses statements made by the woman who is going to take her senate seat in 2020
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Future President O'Rourke visits Iowa and New Hampshire
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Fewer companies have been holding office parties this year, possibly because of #MeToo liability fears, or possibly because nobody likes to go to them. One of those. Anyhow guess which one the article blames
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Florida Democratic gubernatorial candidate Andrew Gillum: On second thought, I unconcede
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Trump's favorite member of the Supremes, Clarence Thomas, may have suggested that Trump's appointment of a new AG without asking the Senate "mother, may I?" was unconstitutional
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Ted Nugent not happy with election results, says Michigan is turning into California. "Downright insane cultural suicide. Thanks for nothing a**holes." Thoughts and prayers sent
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Some light reading on the legality of Matthew Whitaker to the left. TL/DR to the right
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McDonald's introducing Cheesy Bacon Fries today. Dream or nightmare?
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Chris Christie named as possible replacement for Jeff Sessions. Lindsey Graham spotted sobbing uncontrollably
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Scattered, smothered, covered, pantless
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One of America's oldest coal mining companies has just filed for bankruptcy
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Hot White House? Bowl of chili hot? Fireplace hot? Sexy hot? LZ hot? Angry hot? What if it's all of the above?
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Morning, Joe, what's for breakfast? A nice discussion about Trump's wild, wacky Wednesday press conference with a side of fired Sessions? How's that going to play out, Joe? "Mueller now has everything he needs to nail Trump with obstruction"
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Dobby could run for his old Alabama Senate seat after getting sock from his owner
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Canadian bureaucrats running scared after not one, but two spider scares
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Here's why you should not sell stocks
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Thousand Oaks gunman was ex-Marine armed with .45 cal. Glock with extended magazine. Ok, gunners, why do you need an extended mag on a handgun - other than to kill a shiat-ton of people?
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A look back at how Trump has fired the White House staff he was tired of dealing with
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Why are America's alcohol-shipping laws such a cluster$#&%
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Because selling your personal information isn't generating enough money, we give you the Facebook store for all your holiday shopping needs
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Police officer lost his life trying to save others during the Thousand Oaks shooting. He was one year from retirement
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Well, better get your abortions now before they're all snapped up
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Rudy Giuliani has spent a quarter-million dollars on his new love and $12,000 on cigars since splitting from his wife, but he doesn't want to pay spousal support
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That's a big pussy
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California voters overwhelmingly approve year-round Daylight Saving Time, pending federal decision to give them the freedom to do their own time thing, man
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President Donald Trump blames midterm election losses on everything but himself. Hillary Clinton nods knowingly
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Republicans lost the House and Democrats failed to achieve enough support to regain the Senate in the 2018 Midterm Elections, because they failed to give voters what they truly wanted
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| Wed November 07, 2018 |
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Caravan? What caravan?
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All countries who did not hack the US mid term elections take one step back... Not so fast there, Russia
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Trump blames the media for the GOP's humiliating losses
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Dave Daubenmire will never be convinced the Democrats won the house because facts and math don't exist in his universe
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To tie-in with the hype for a 2003 holiday movie, Pillsbury releasing 'Elf' sugar cookies, which basically have green hats drawn on them
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Forget about all the other potential Democratic presidential candidates, just nominate Beto O'Rourke in 2020. Hell just do now
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Flagrant flaky flunky meeting with his hairless hitlerski handler this weekend, and again later this month
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Cuomo win 3rd Term as Governor, NYC wins 3rd Term of Horrible Transit Systems
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HAPPENING-CON 2, Sessions is out and Rosenstein appears to be too. This is your nightly MSNBC thread starting at 8 PM ET
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"Putin's favorite congressman" loses election. This is bad news...for The Kremlin
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Marijuana should never have been made illegal in the first place
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Colorado votes to abolish slavery. This is not a repeat of 1863
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So in case anyone was wondering what Sessions' replacement thinks about Mueller
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Jeff Sessions is out, meaning - you guessed it - we might finally get our hands on that golden Wu-Tang record
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Pete Davidson is really having a year
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You know how some are claiming America's demographic changes are going to remove old White men's stranglehold on power? Well about that
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Nelson calls for recount in Senate election, despite Scott declaring victory. To be fair, Scott can probably see the vote totals better, having been raised in a cave by bats
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Duke sucked Kentucky's morale
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The strangest ballot initiative from yesterday? How about an indoor vape ban rolled into a bill about offshore oil drilling?
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In other news, we hate women in WV
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Panic has set in
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Ex-governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker (R-emoved) alleges that thousands of ballots were damaged by people not coloring in the oval next to his name
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Trump now supports Pelosi. It looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
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Congratulations Devin, we are all looking forward to your ethics investigations next year
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For Woofday Wednesday, there are going to be a larger number of retirees in Florida in the next while
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Voters stood up to incivility, except in this one state
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O'Rourke's Texas loss could be the nation's gain in 2020 as calls rise for him to run for president, as there are indications he could be the next Obama
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I don't play the same standard of 11th dimension go-fish as the President, so maybe someone could help me and point out just where his big victory was
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Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Litigious
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Service.com offers $60 million for Sears' Home Improvement business, will keep enough cash on hand to board up all the doors and windows of existing Sears and Kmart stores
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Let's get this straight. Sailors in easy language, simply tripping on the USS Ronald Reagan is not cool. Wrong boat, wrong time. No more Pink Floyd in the mess hall
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Farley: I didn't "defeat Kirsten Gillibrand". Maybe I'm "not popular". Maybe I didn't "get enough votes". Maybe my message didn't "connect with the electorate"
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🍒 Making Tart Cherries Great Again 🍒
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Man Who Writes Bigfoot Erotica Now a U.S. Congressman
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Sarah Sanders amuses the world by warning House Dems not to investigate Trump. Why don't you tell us that one again about how Trump doesn't lie?
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Scott Walker kicked to the pothole-ridden curb
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Dear Leader: LOSING IS WINNING
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Michele Bachmann declares the U.S. to be God's kingdom, then says Satan needs to remove his hands from the voting booths and demands God give Republicans the "whole enchilada"
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| Tue November 06, 2018 |
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This is your official Fark midterm election news and results thread, Part two
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Mon dieu Boxer dies during croissant eating contest
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Not since 1960s Liverpool has Betomania made this big of a splash, sure to lead to a hard day's night for supporters
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It's no Mysterio: Man takes down would be robber with his lucha libre training
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Honduran survivor of migrant massacre joins asylum caravan for safety, in hopes of finally reaching the United States to carry out his dastardly plots for ISIS, al-Qaeda, and Cobra. Or maybe just not be shot in the head by MS-13, one of the two
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If you haven't registered to vote yet, don't despair- these states offer same day registration
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MSNBC calls Florida for the Democrat candidate a bit early. This is not a repeat of 2000
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Steve Bannon tells the cult he founded to "go f*ck yourselves"
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We need to ban assault Hot Pockets
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All quiet on the Russian-interference front ...unless the Republicans start losing
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Vice President Pence announces GOP will hold the House and expand Senate majority. The face of Jesus appeared in his morning toast and told him so
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Fast food joints across the US are hiring senior citizens instead of teenagers. Is drool better than intentional spit?
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Trump is so serious about punishing Iran for its treaty-cheating that he's going to let it continue selling oil to its 8 biggest customers. But remember, voters, Trump is tough and respected on the world stage
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WI: "Here's $3.7B of taxpayer money. Please build a factory here and give us some jobs." Foxconn: "Oops, sorry, we can't find any qualified Americans. We'll just have to bring over our own people. Thanks for the tax cuts though ~_^"
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Comey: "Well there's subliminal, liminal, and superliminal messages." Lisa: "What's superliminal?" Comey: *opens window* "HEY YOU, GO VOTE," Otto: *shrugs* "Okay"
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If you needed another reason to vote, here's a shocker: America is no longer attracting the top minds in physics
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NC Governor adopts stray kitten found hiding at executive mansion
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After tearing the country apart for the last two years, Trump now wants to unite what's left of it
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United States Gymnastics body to be stripped
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Georgia woman tells CNN she's voting for Brian Kemp "because I always vote for freedom"
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It's official: Americans love pizza
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Facebook kicks off 115 accounts on the eve of the election for trying to subvert the election
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Let's see how things are on the front lines of the trade war at Mount soybean
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Several major cities offering free public transportation for residents so you can get out and vote. "A lack of transportation should never stand between a voter and the polls"
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Just in case there was even a scintilla of doubt: The Joint Chiefs of Staff issues a statement basically calling the troop deployment at Mexican border a political stunt
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Lindsey Graham gets taken to school, and not the good one where he can put on the Catholic outfit and sneak behind the bleachers with the defensive line
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The Tale Of Two Rallies: "In all, the weekend could be summed up in two simple appeals to the base. Hope, Change, and Healthcare, versus Caravans, Guns, and Defiance"
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GE denies it owes billions of dollars in taxes as if it were Wesley Snipes or Donald Trump
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Rick Santorum releases his grip on Trump's penis, writes article stating Trump is right on his Iran sanctions
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