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headlines found matching 'Texas'

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Fri August 07, 2020
		Texas Tech Tosses Toxic Trainer...er, coach source: espn.com \| share:	2

Thu August 06, 2020
		Betcha didn't know CARES act money goes to repave airports in Texas source: timesrecordnews.com \| share:	7
		Venezuela has some of the world's largest supplies of oil... and zero operating oil rigs as companies pull out due to sanctions source: houstonchronicle.com \| share:	16

Wed August 05, 2020
		Mandatory heart monitors with punishment for falling below 90% of maximum, 'conditioning' that including pressure on the groin and pelvis, punishment for displaying symptoms of depression. Navy Seals training? Nope, Texas Tech women's basketball source: usatoday.com \| share:	9
		You know who REALLY doesn't love Mitch McConnell's idea of giving employers absolute immunity from lawsuits by their employees who catch Coronavirus at work? The players in the NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, and MLS, that's who source: cnn.com \| share:	36

Tue August 04, 2020
		Anybody up for another "Can the Democrats really win Texas?" Thread? source: projects.fivethirtyeight.com \| share:	176
		The official COVID-19 case count in Texas is short by at least tens of thousands of cases source: houstonchronicle.com \| share:	44

Mon August 03, 2020
		The season opener between Texas State and SMU to be moved up a week so all the players and coaches can get COVID-19 sooner than everyone else source: kxan.com \| share:	5
		Brokeback Cowboys for Trump: we'll kill our firstborn to show our loyalty. Ex-wife, judge: not so fast source: kob.com \| share:	35
		The mango Mussolini is now claiming his approval rate is higher than Obama's. Yes he's serious, and don't call me Shirley source: politicususa.com \| share:	65
		James O'Keefe is behind Trump's plan to steal the election. So we can all rest easy, then, the election is safe source: newrepublic.com \| share:	79
		Fark-ready headline: Texas lifts tampon ban at bar exam after complaints over discriminatory policy source: texastribune.org \| share:	70

Sun August 02, 2020
		Texas Governor Gregg Abbot refuses to stand and be counted for Trump at the Republican National Convention source: thehill.com \| share:	49
		Deep in a central Texas cave, University of Houston scientists and a doctoral candidate are studying OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Just no. Not this year. How about next year? Next year is good. It's been there 15,000 years. We can wait source: phys.org \| share:	21

Sat August 01, 2020
		Azirona Rep: Raúl Grijalva tests positive for COVID-19 after he attended a hearing of the House Natural Resources Committee on Tuesday with infected Louie Gohmert of Texas source: tucson.com \| share:	58

Fri July 31, 2020
		Company in Texas worried that Airlines might not ever want their salty nut sacks back on the planes source: dallasnews.com \| share:	20

Thu July 30, 2020
		Covid experts recommend immediately locking down Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Arizona, Tennessee, Georgia, Nevada, South Carolina, Texas, Idaho, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. Care to guess what they all have in common? source: yahoo.com \| share:	190
		Texas is now outpacing New York in number of coronavirus cases source: cnn.com \| share:	105
		Ever see a dementia patient give a campaign speech that could make Texas swing blue? source: politicususa.com \| share:	100
		Matthew McConaughey is set to release a book in October. All write, all write, all write source: kxan.com \| share:	20

Wed July 29, 2020
		Coronavirus is messing with Texas, despite reading the bumper stickers source: economist.com \| share:	26
		After years of understanding nothing, Gohmert finally gets it source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	409

Tue July 28, 2020
		The Biden campaign has decided not to mess with Texas source: yahoo.com \| share:	132
		The electric generator goes outside the house source: wlox.com \| share:	65
		Texas AG decides that since County Health Boards are closing schools, he'll take away their ability to close schools. Also, re-names the three Rs to Repression, Religion, and Rigor Mortis source: texastribune.org \| share:	23
		Brokeback Cowboys for Trump: Go back to Africa. Mescalero Apaches: you first source: kob.com \| share:	79
		Democrats are going to do whatever it takes to turn Texas blue source: thehill.com \| share:	102
		Texas is in the midst of a major coronavirus death surge source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	100
		For the first game ever played at Globe Life Field, the Texas rangers brand new, 40,000-seat, $1.2 billion stadium, the offical attendance was ~100 including players, umps and cameramen source: cnn.com \| share:	19
		News: Due to Covid-19 concerns a state governor extends general election early voting by a week. Fark: A GOP governor. UltraFark: Texas source: texastribune.org \| share:	27

Mon July 27, 2020
		Not news: Democrats ahead in campaign cash. News: Republicans warned about this in 2019. Fark: In Texas source: texastribune.org \| share:	14
		"You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing after they have tried everything else" source: ktla.com \| share:	83
		Juneteenth is now an official Massachusetts state holiday source: bostonherald.com \| share:	51
		Louie Gohmert had armed supporters beat up the campaign manager of his opponent source: gilmermirror.com \| share:	101
		Man surrounded by protestors shoots protestor with rifle. I mean the protestor who was shot had a rifle, the other guy shot him. Anyway, it's Texas source: kut.org \| share:	286
		And you thought Post Malone's face tattoos were stupid source: tmz.com \| share:	44

Sun July 26, 2020
		Hurricane Hanna slams into Texas. Hunker down all y'all Texas farkers source: weather.com \| share:	36

Sat July 25, 2020
		You might think this would be a big deal in Texas, but after high school football opens late, we all have nothing to live for anyway source: nbcdfw.com \| share:	40
		2020 has gotten us all so jaded that the first Atlantic hurricane of the year is set to make landfall in SE Texas this afternoon and no one seems to have even noticed source: nhc.noaa.gov \| share:	142
		Despite Gov. Greg Abbott's mandate that ordered them closed after a surge in coronavirus cases, hundreds of Texas bars will place their state liquor licenses in jeopardy - as well as the lives of their customers - by opening for set 'em up Saturday source: apnews.com \| share:	57

Fri July 24, 2020
		Soooo...$9.9 billion to Live Nation then? source: radio.com \| share:	6
		Scientists discover 'rona uses headfakes. Which is good, because now they can defend against them and blitz new anti-viral linebacker drugs source: eurekalert.org \| share:	2
		Official: Tesla Cybertruck Will Call Texas Home source: carbuzz.com \| share:	7
		On this day in history, in 1901, short story writer O. Henry was presented the choice between two doors, one of which would lead from prison source: history.com \| share:	25
		The Coastal Bend area of Texas, one of the hottest COVID spots currently in the U.S. prepares to welcome Tropical Storm Hanna. Stay safe, any Farkers in the area source: twitter.com \| share:	37
		Hospitals in Starr county in Texas will now send those dying from COVID-19 home to die cold and alone. Starr county was an early adopter of mask ordinances and had a strict lockdown which had the disease under control until overridden by governor source: twitter.com \| share:	84

Thu July 23, 2020
		Texas enters the "storing COVID-19 dead bodies in refrigerated trailers" phase source: reuters.com \| share:	45

Wed July 22, 2020
		Add "tsunami of COVID-19 patients" to the list of things bigger in Texas source: cnn.com \| share:	50
		South Texas hospital determines whether they take in Covid-19 patients based on their survival potential. So to be clear: They have a "survival potential panel" not a "death panel" source: everythinglubbock.com \| share:	67
		Biden up one point in Texas, where 65% of residents say the spread of coronavirus is "out of control" source: poll.qu.edu \| share:	88
		Texas Republicans' online convention turns into a dumpster fire source: texasmonthly.com \| share:	60
		Coronavirus leads to Texas's first drive-through strip club. Patrons furiously vying for pole position source: chron.com \| share:	27

Tue July 21, 2020
		Austin Dillon overcame the heat to win at Texas Motor Speedway in Fort Worth, TX, also known as "Hot, AF." Kyle Busch passed fewer cars than inspections, and Kevin Harvick made his 700th start, so he's been around......and around, and around source: speedwaymedia.com \| share:	1
		NFL: "You know what, the preseason games aren't a good idea and should be scrapped this year" source: espn.com \| share:	41

Mon July 20, 2020
		If you had a war criminal leading the Texas GOP on your 2020 betslip, please come forward to collect your winnings source: texastribune.org \| share:	41
		So, it's perfectly safe to re-open schools because kids just don't GET the Coronavirus and....Texas? You have your hand up? Something you want to share? HOW Many have tested positive? INFANTS you say? source: apnews.com \| share:	186
		Army COVID planner says he couldn't have caused more COVID than Texas had if he'd planned it source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	39
		Next on the sports team nickname endangered list...the Texas Rangers? source: kcbd.com \| share:	33

Sun July 19, 2020
		Can KyBu make it a Texas hat trick*? It's the rescheduled O'Reilly Auto Parts 500, 3 PM ET on NBCSN source: nascar.com \| share:	390

Sat July 18, 2020
		Last Friday, the Nueces County Medical Examiner - in Texas' Coastal Bend - was shocked to learn that a baby boy, less than 6 months old, had tested positive for COVID-19 and died shortly after source: twitter.com \| share:	95
		Texas erases the cases and faces the races of the paces of internet conspiracy laces in places that have graces source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	48

Fri July 17, 2020
		Texas AG: Jesus will protect the kids source: abc13.com \| share:	75
		I'm not a surgeon but I play one in the classroom source: ksat.com \| share:	24
		Iowa Governor: "All students will return to in-school education for fall lessons." Schools: No source: kcci.com \| share:	79
		Congratulations, Thursday. 77,217 new cases in a day is now the record. For the moment source: reuters.com \| share:	144

Thu July 16, 2020
		We're at the "refrigerated trucks" handle morgue overflow overture in Texas's reprisal of New York's Pandemic in Springtime source: cnn.com \| share:	57
		Tuesday, news breaks that Louisiana AG tests positive for COVID. Today AG offers opinions on statewide mask mandate, closing businesses, best techniques to lick doorknobs source: theadvertiser.com \| share:	28

Wed July 15, 2020
		Trump's former physician Ronny Jackson wins Texas congressional runoff with the promise of painkillers in every pot source: texastribune.org \| share:	31
		Trump's doc says Fark masks. He is also running for Congress on the Republican ticket source: mediaite.com \| share:	22
		The pandemic has caused a major learning gap source: salon.com \| share:	39
(Some Guy)		Texas gives 14 million dollars to a billionaire to make vaporware and tweet about weed source: teslarati.com \| share:	24

Tue July 14, 2020
		Jerry Jones Changes Team's Name To Redskins Now That It's Available source: sports.theonion.com \| share:	2
		Can the Keebler Elf triumph over the football coach? Which of the three Democrats will face Susan Collins in November? Will Texas see a blue surge? It's Primary Day in three key states as fates are decided. Polls open at 7AM ET and close at 9PM ET source: vox.com \| share:	27
		Hey Gov. Abbott, guess who wants to shut down Houston for two weeks to quell the coronavirus pandemic? I don't know. Third base. What? He's on second source: thehill.com \| share:	22
		Restaurant & Beer Garden open for curbside OK, Beer to go OK, Brewery still open, not ok because your sales to distributors makes you a bar. Gov. Abbot is going to get Segway'd off off a cliff if he isn't careful source: abc13.com \| share:	13
		Louisiana's Attorney General announces he won't be meeting with VP Pence when he visits the state on account of he got hisself a lil' touch of the 'rona aieeeegh source: thehill.com \| share:	29
		Biden is in your Texas, building an insurmountable lead source: cnn.com \| share:	79
		Grim Reaper's driver having trouble keeping up with all the dead in Texas from the "tsunami of COVID" source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	52

Mon July 13, 2020
		Not news: Trump campaign spends 13% of its budget in a single state. Fark: That state is Texas source: twitter.com \| share:	120
		Last Call in California for a while source: cnbc.com \| share:	160
		Russia's US fuel oil exports remain close to record-highs as Donnie clamps down on what's left of Venezuela source: reuters.com \| share:	10
		Here's how Trump loses Texas source: twitter.com \| share:	155
		After one step forward, Houston leaders want to take two steps back, into lockdown source: marketwatch.com \| share:	34

Sun July 12, 2020
		Biden is leading by 5 points. In Texas. This is not a repeat from 1976...or maybe it is source: twitter.com \| share:	170
		The only thing hotter than the weather outside today is the music inside the Sunday Morning Music Club, where things are getting hot, hot, hot source: weather.com \| share:	366
		Georgia. Ohio. Texas. Dems tell Biden to go big Big BIG to not just defeat Trump but to rout him and discredit his dangerous style of racial demagogy source: nytimes.com \| share:	53

Sat July 11, 2020
		Strong letter to follow source: nypost.com \| share:	19
		Abbott's dangerous early reopening of Texas was probably a gamble that covid wouldn't hit his base: rich white people in the 'burbs and rural voters. He rolled snake eyes source: texasobserver.org \| share:	170
		28 out of 30 major league baseball teams have had a positive COVID-19 test. Jobu unavailable for comment source: npr.org \| share:	25

Fri July 10, 2020
		Texas scientists create air filter that kills Coronavirus instantly. BONUS: It's inexpensive to manufacture, and can be retrofitted to work in existing air handling equipment source: wfaa.com \| share:	70
		Like your ex, an adorable outside conceals the nightmarish horror within source: zillow.com \| share:	67
		Uhhh, you could try shutting down everything or is does that make too much goddamn sense? source: dallasnews.com \| share:	40

Thu July 09, 2020
		Hosting next week's Texas Republican Convention? Houston has a problem with that source: politico.com \| share:	36
		Video of man getting new glasses causes subby to get something in his eye source: msn.com \| share:	42
		Shiat just got SUPER-real: School superintendent says there probably won't be any high school football in his district this year....the superintendent of the DALLAS TEXAS school district source: thehill.com \| share:	150
		Let's ask 9 republican consultants how they feel about Republican chances in November and boy howdy are the answers doozies source: rollingstone.com \| share:	47

Wed July 08, 2020
		Dallas Cowboys' Poe wants Jerry Jones to support players; Baltimore's Poe wants Jerry Jones to stuff them, feet first, up a chimney source: espn.com \| share:	3
		"Some spots" of economic damage? "SOME SPOTS?" source: reuters.com \| share:	57
		Know what else is bigger in Texas? The impending mega-droughts source: phys.org \| share:	27
		Texas GOP convention will be conducted in person, damn the COVID, full speed ahead. Except for the party leader, who will appear remotely on video source: texastribune.org \| share:	54

Tue July 07, 2020
		UT Austin, which is currently planning to have students in dorms and in F2F classes, and which has no real plan for what to do about bathrooms other than have custodial staff clean them a lot....just had its first death from COVID. A custodian source: kxan.com \| share:	46
		Republicans supported Trump because they thought they could control him. Now they're tied to his necrotizing Presidency. von Papen nods source: rollingstone.com \| share:	82
		Apparently, it's not just liberal whiteskins that are upset source: espn.com \| share:	14
		"Arizona joins Texas, California, Florida, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts and Illinois in tallying more than 100,000 cases of coronavirus" source: thehill.com \| share:	175

Mon July 06, 2020
		Florida and Texas report "exponential" growth in last weekend's coronavirus infections. What happens next will amaze you. Unless you can do third grade arithmetic source: cnbc.com \| share:	185
		Texas GOP votes to hold a 6,000+ in-person convention in Houston, the hotspot of the state's Coronavirus outbreak source: thenewcivilrightsmovement.com \| share:	87
		Texas resident diagrams the Oh Snap flow chart for Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) source: twitter.com \| share:	62
		Texas Governor to Nurses: "Drop Dead" source: twitter.com \| share:	45

Sun July 05, 2020
		The Evil Rich, Texas Edition: GOP power broker Steve Hotze left a voicemail demanding the governor order the National Guard to kill BLM protesters if they start rioting, and you can bet the Texas Tribune just FOIA'd the shiat out of that source: texastribune.org \| share:	103

Sat July 04, 2020
(NewsCenter Maine)		Amateurs and dipshiats are out in force in the wilderness of Maine, with three rescues in the three days since Mt. Katahdin's been open to hiking source: newscentermaine.com \| share:	30

Fri July 03, 2020
		GA Governor Brian Kemp (R-Epressive) hopes threat of college football season cancellation will encourage mask usage, instead of Kemp showing courage by ordering mandatory mask wearing throughout state source: cbs46.com \| share:	30
		Hospitals in Texas and Arizona establish protocols for deciding which critically ill patients will get ventilators and other scarce resources, and which will get only palliative care before they die. To be run by a panel. Death panels, if you will source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	89
(Some Guy)		Ohio, Nevada, Arizona, Nebraska, Georgia, Iowa, Utah, Arkansas, Texas source: 270towin.com \| share:	65

Thu July 02, 2020
		Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R), realizing that thousands of Covid deaths don't look good on a resume, finally hits the PANIC button and orders everyone to wear a mask, which he should have done...4 weeks ago source: texastribune.org \| share:	84
		In related news, there's a Black National Anthem source: amp.usatoday.com \| share:	52
		Looks like there may be some football coaching spots opening up in Texas in a few weeks source: texastribune.org \| share:	2
		The question is, are Texas Trump fans all a bunch of overweight slobs? I mean, I get it, he's just like us, right? source: theguardian.com \| share:	76
		Governor Florida Man says Florida will not re-close. "I think when you see the younger folks, I think a lot of it is more just social interactions, so that's natural." Spontaneous combustion is also natural source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	48
		What's worse than biting into an Apple and finding a quarter of a worm? COVID-19 source: cnbc.com \| share:	2
		There may be more humiliating ways to die than from a case of Coronavirus that you caught while attending a VANILLA ICE concert in Texas, but offhand, subby can't think of any source: ew.com \| share:	41

Wed July 01, 2020
		Forget worshipping Mammon, the TX Lt. Gov goes straight to Moloch source: thehill.com \| share:	84
		Now there's absolutely no reason to go to Austin, TX source: rollingstone.com \| share:	23
		Kids don't really carry the virus. Daycare centers: Hold my glitter macaroni art while I lick the Jungle Jim source: dallasnews.com \| share:	34
		Pentagon declares California, Florida, and Michigan no-go areas due to COVID-19 prevalence. US space force insists on nuking states from orbit, says it's the only way to be sure source: militarytimes.com \| share:	42
		After 53 years of marriage, a Texas couple does their best to save the economy while holding hands source: cnn.com \| share:	51

Tue June 30, 2020
		Why this billionaire is moving his company from a liberal hell hole to ultraconservative Austin TX source: foxbusiness.com \| share:	90

Mon June 29, 2020
		Harris County, Texas judge on the recent coronavirus surge: "We opened too quickly", goes on to blame Texas governor Greg Abbott for everything source: theguardian.com \| share:	50
		What happened to John Roberts, lament conservatives, he used to be cool now he's like bogus source: mediaite.com \| share:	84
		In New Jersey, indoor dining at restaurants is now off the menu indefinitely source: marketwatch.com \| share:	42
		Vice President Mayonnaise Von Milktoast declares during a Dallas speech that Confederate soldiers' statues being torn down is a disservice to 'Our nation's greatest heroes' source: wfaa.com \| share:	99
		SCOTUS: What part of Roe v. Wade did you not understand? source: bbc.com \| share:	147
		Everything just "HAS" to be bigger in Texas. Even the number of people infected with novel coronavirus source: bbc.com \| share:	154
		Can't have a 100% full ICU at Texas Medical Center if you delete the page with the public data source: twitter.com \| share:	152

Sun June 28, 2020
		I hope Pence's prayers are up to date source: cnn.com \| share:	107
		"I trust our citizens to not sneeze on each other" might just be the most idiotic thing a Texas city council member could say about his city's citizens. So... guess what source: wfaa.com \| share:	119

Sat June 27, 2020
		19 new state polls released and Biden leads all of them. Including MI: Biden +18, WI: Biden +17, PA: Biden +12, NC: Biden +9, FL: Biden +8, AZ: Biden+7, and TEXAS: Biden +1 source: forbes.com \| share:	220
		Supreme Court again supports the new "Vote and Die" campaign source: nbcnews.com \| share:	57
		Trump decides he would like Texas' electoral votes after all source: politico.com \| share:	39
		Papier-mache houses? Texas dares to be different source: dezeen.com \| share:	17

Fri June 26, 2020
		"Americans will just have to live with massive coronavirus surge, the ones that live I mean" says Larry Kudlow, noted White House expert epidemiologist source: slate.com \| share:	72
		Stonks drop as the market realizes all the peasants are farking broke, not printing more money source: barrons.com \| share:	21
		Ron DeSantis sets a new high score on COVID-19 with an increase of 62% from yesterday. Is now trying to decide between entering POO or ASS source: wtsp.com \| share:	146
		♫♫ The Gov does what's right/ In the covid fight CLAPCLAPCLAP/ He's shut the bars in Texas ♫♫ source: thehill.com \| share:	196
		White House spokesman on Covid: "You'll get over it." Well, some of us, anyhow source: slate.com \| share:	96
		300 teens possibly exposed to COVID-19 at Texas 'Pongfest' party source: kxan.com \| share:	39
		Big government for me but not for thee source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	18

Thu June 25, 2020
		How bad is the surge of COVID-19 cases in the sunbelt for Trump? "There is no guarantee Trump can squeeze out enough rural votes to hold Texas" source: theatlantic.com \| share:	99
		Among the never-ending parade of grifters attempting to profit off of COVID-19, here's the story of a silicon valley investor duo that re-packages and sells non-medical masks to Texas hospitals source: propublica.org \| share:	30
		Texas governor ordered all licensed hospitals in the hard-hit Bexar, Dallas, Harris and Travis counties to postpone elective procedures but still thinks it's enough of a hoax to not fully stop reopening plans source: cnbc.com \| share:	76
		Look away dixie, now they're just The Chicks source: ew.com \| share:	110
		Astros owner wants fans in the stands so he can sell overpriced watered down cold beer source: msn.com \| share:	18
		Houston is about to run out of ICU beds. Boy, sure glad those businesses opening too soon made a few bucks before killing everybody source: abc13.com \| share:	97
		We can't leave source: theweek.com \| share:	124
		"If you value your health, do not believe the president" source: mediaite.com \| share:	32
		Red states reopening has been a disaster, and Republican governors are openly panicking source: salon.com \| share:	193

Wed June 24, 2020
		Everything's bigger in Texas, including the number of demands from locals for the federal government to keep supporting COVID-19 testing sites in the state. Seems like they haven't bought into the idea that cases will drop if they just stop testing source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	47
		Not even Megan Rapinoe wants to fark with the virus source: bbc.com \| share:	12

Tue June 23, 2020
		We've all heard about the Superman curse, but now there's an Alfalfa one too source: foxnews.com \| share:	26
		Texas governor now between a rock and a hard place, threatens his fellow stupid Texans: Don't make me shut down this state again because of the coronavirus source: dallasnews.com \| share:	70
		New US COVID-19 cases jump 25% last week with the great states of Arizona, Florida and Texas setting records. If the "Hawaii 5-0" theme isn't brainworming you by now, you must already be on a ventilator source: reuters.com \| share:	72

Mon June 22, 2020
		Texas luxury apartment home comes with hilltop view and a whole lot of NOPE source: ksat.com \| share:	61
(Some Guy)		What Patrick Mahomes wants Patrick Mahomes gets source: arrowheadpride.com \| share:	19

Fri June 19, 2020
		Senators introduce bill to make Juneteenth a national holiday. With picture of what two black Senators might look like source: nbcnews.com \| share:	61
		Florida and Texas governors have found the cause for increase in coronavirus cases source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	73
(Some Guy)		Ok, which of you Farkers has GIGITTY as your license plate in Michigan? Subbette saw you on her way home today and wants answers, mostly about your choice of double letter. LGT less-funny vanity plates source: liveabout.com \| share:	26

Thu June 18, 2020
		Bill to be introduced making Juneteenth a Federal holiday by John Cornyn (R-eally, for real, are you sure? Texas) source: thehill.com \| share:	61
		Dr. Fauci: "Football may not happen this year." NFL: "Challenge accepted" source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	31

Wed June 17, 2020
		Texas coronavirus hospitalizations jump 11% in one day. Gov. Greg Abbott: "All is well, remain calm" source: cnbc.com \| share:	85
		If you hate wearing the mask now, you're really gonna hate the ventilator source: npr.org \| share:	42
		Not News: Texas MAGA candidate shows unwavering support for Trump. News: with offensive ad that attacks China over CoVID-19. Fark: in a district with highest percentage of Asian Americans in Texas. WTFark: ad also shows Taiwan as part of PRC source: texasmonthly.com \| share:	53
		The NFL is fully aware that some players and coaches WILL get the Coronavirus if they play this season. But let's be honest, if the League, or fans, really cared about player safety there wouldn't BE an NFL anymore, not after CTE was discovered source: oregonlive.com \| share:	16
		Target and U.S. Bank join a growing list of companies that will offer Juneteenth as a paid holiday to employees source: wusa9.com \| share:	13

Tue June 16, 2020
		I live in Washington...this doesn't make sense source: vinepair.com \| share:	12
		Governor Abbott recommends that people follow CDC guidelines, but won't allow cities or counties to require masks. It's going well. Texas is setting records source: texastribune.org \| share:	41
		Texas Gov. Greg Abbott criticizes young people for not taking the Corona-virus seriously. Yeah Greg that's the ticket, blame the young. Voters will lap that up source: dallasnews.com \| share:	80
		Gundy did not apologize. Hubbard did source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	18
		CoronaBarbie says people criticizing Trump for having zombie-filled rally have TDS, which stands for Trump is Deranged Syndrome source: foxnews.com \| share:	71

Mon June 15, 2020
		All those nasty masks and gloves littering the streets are clogging drainage systems during hurricane season source: valleycentral.com \| share:	31
		Everything is bigger in Texas, including the number of NFL players with coronavirus source: cbssports.com \| share:	12
		Davy Crockett unavailable for comment source: myfox8.com \| share:	91

Sun June 14, 2020
		Houston mayor Sylvester Turner announced Thursday the intended removal of two confederate statues will be expedited to happen before Juneteeth source: houstonpress.com \| share:	42
		Everything is bigger in Texas. Including the number of people hospitalized for Covid-19 source: twitter.com \| share:	77

Fri June 12, 2020
		NFL to recognize Juneteenth as an official holiday, so no players or coaches will be required to participate in any games, the Draft, or suspension appeals on that day source: espn.com \| share:	7
		Fox News draws the line at comparing Antifa to ISIS; "They aren't beheading people, Dan" source: mediaite.com \| share:	65
		TLDR; If Texas is in play it means the election is in the bag. Well, I guess I can just stay home on November 3rd and play Descent like a true patriot source: vanityfair.com \| share:	18

Thu June 11, 2020
		MotoGP to resume dragging knees with 2 races in Spain in July source: apnews.com \| share:	9

Wed June 10, 2020
		Dark red in only one state with more than 9 electoral votes, and Barack Obama won that one in 2008. Texas, Iowa tied source: electoral-vote.com \| share:	113
(Some Guy)		Strange red light seen in the skies of NJ. And no it wasn't the annual Staten Island landfill fire source: educationaltechs.com \| share:	15
		Texas District Judge candidate eggs Texas Judge's Lexus SUV in his driveway to protest an "unconstitutional" stay at home order. Goes to the door, hugs the Judge and tries to give him $20. Then it gets weird source: nypost.com \| share:	38
		Marky got with Sharon, And Sharon got Cherese, She was sharing Sharon's outlook on coronavirus disease. Mikey held a protest because Bobby was a racist. They were all in love with dyin' 'cause they opened back up Texas source: nymag.com \| share:	115

Tue June 09, 2020
		Texas Land Commissioner George P. Bush (R-son of Jeb) voted for Trump in 2016 and says he will vote for Trump again in November. "President Trump is the only thing standing between America and socialism. It's clear, Republican policies are working" source: dallasnews.com \| share:	84
		Texas man was tased to death by cops after pleading he couldn't breathe after cops pulled him over for failing to dim his high-beams. Wonder if presence of the A&E "Live PD" film crew, MIGHT have played a role in the cops hyper-aggressive response? source: azfamily.com \| share:	128
		Man holds sign on corner to help address uncomfortable conversations on race source: myfox8.com \| share:	44
		Let's check in on how the re-opening of Texas is going. As expected, it's a whole lot of "Hold my beer and watch this" source: texastribune.org \| share:	44

Sun June 07, 2020
		Latest poll from huge battleground state has Biden and Trump tied at 48%. (clicks link) TEXAS? WTF? source: projects.fivethirtyeight.com \| share:	219
		We're up to 12 Texas GOP county chairs posting racist screeds on social media, ah ah ah source: texastribune.org \| share:	48

Sat June 06, 2020
		Indycar series is back on the track but without the crowds. It is a single day compressed schedule with practice and qualifying earlier in the race day. This is your Indycar Genesys 300 from Texas Motor Speedway at 8 PM ET on NBC source: indycar.com \| share:	95
		Racist Texas Ranger statue removed from Dallas Airport. Texas Rangers contemplating name change back to Washington Senators source: thehill.com \| share:	69

Fri June 05, 2020
		Sharing is Caring, unless you're a racist Texas Republican on social media. Fark: now the Ag Commissioner is blaming George Soros for orchestrating George Floyd's death and the following protests source: texastribune.org \| share:	81

Thu June 04, 2020
		In annual remembrance of Cleveland's Ten Cent Beer Night in 1974, two forgotten items: The Texas Rangers had held their own Ten Cent Beer Night earlier in the season; the Indians held another Ten Cent Beer Night a month later with zero rioting source: mlb.nbcsports.com \| share:	1
		Texas' Lt. Gov has a solution to the protests and violence gripping this country. Massive, sustained police reform? A commitment to rooting out systemic racism in America? No, these godless liberal protesters just need to accept Jesus in their hearts source: huffpost.com \| share:	72

Wed June 03, 2020
(Some Guy)		LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE may soon be looking out for YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU source: panthers.com \| share:	0
		Trump better get his ass to Texas, there's a bad moon rising down there source: poll.qu.edu \| share:	171
(Finally Finley)		Good doggo breaks record for most tennis balls in mouth. I want to retrieve source: ourcommunitynow.com \| share:	8

Mon June 01, 2020
		Judges in Harris County, Texas were far more likely to appoint lawyers who had donated to their campaigns to represent poor criminal defendants. Yeeee-haaah, Lone Star justice, y'all source: nytimes.com \| share:	17

Thu May 28, 2020
		Some of the coolest scientific field study illustrations of movie monsters you'll see this week source: laughingsquid.com \| share:	13
		From Texas to Wisconsin to California: "Sorry, no mask allowed, please bare with us thru the ridiculous fearful times" source: msn.com \| share:	216
		If people can't see the thinner rope, then Barnum and Harry Kellar missed out on their best audiences source: ndtv.com \| share:	5
		Texas Supreme Court: "die for your vote" source: dallasnews.com \| share:	82

Wed May 27, 2020
		Since we're having so much fun with the modern version of the 1918 Spanish Flu, Mother Nature is preparing to reboot the 1930s Dust Bowl source: mnn.com \| share:	84
		Reluctant to share public transport with public germs, but can't afford to run or park a car? Back to the future with a bicycle it is then source: qz.com \| share:	23
		Small town Texas bar bans anyone wearing a mask from entering the establishment. The bar owner cited that coronavirus makes a good drinking buddy for their friends alcoholism and liver cancer source: kxan.com \| share:	100
		A Texas 'event planner' who won a $39 million federal contract to deliver food to lower-income residents lied about his about his credentials and client list and has not delivered as much as one meal, according to reports source: expressnews.com \| share:	53

Tue May 26, 2020
		Subs tried making Sunday gravy and the results were 'meh'. Any tricks for future attempts? source: food.com \| share:	57

Mon May 25, 2020
		Texas Instruments pulls support for C and assembly language programming on its calculators, making it harder to install apps. Punching in 5318008 and holding the calculator upside down still works, though source: engadget.com \| share:	51

Sun May 24, 2020
		Unlike his time in the NFL, Ryan Leaf actually connects with someone source: espn.com \| share:	13
		Not News: 65 year old Texas man dies. News: due to injuries from aggressive consensual sex from his better half. Fark: an 81 year old man. UltraFark: whom he's related to source: kctv5.com \| share:	116
		Harrison, Hardy, Henry and Hudson are extremely rare identical monochorionic quadruplets. Texas always has to do it bigger source: nzherald.co.nz \| share:	62

Fri May 22, 2020
		No coronavirus catastrophes following reopenings of Georgia, Florida and Texas, despite a steady rise of cases in Texas, playing around with numbers in Florida and Georgia ... oh you don't want to know about Georgia source: nypost.com \| share:	148
		N.J. woman accused of fatally beating wife with wine chiller captured in Texas. Wine chiller currently under interrogation Lone Star style source: nbcnews.com \| share:	37
		"Have YOU donated 110,000 masks to rural Texas hospitals? Be a lot cooler if you did" source: thehill.com \| share:	11
		Oklahoma builds a seven story Elon Musk statue so he'll build a factory in Oklahoma. Guess Oklahoma noticed what an egotistical creep Elon is. It might work source: nypost.com \| share:	16
		Last year the Chiefs finally claimed the Lamar Hunt trophy, and of course the Lombardi trophy. This year they will try to reclaim the Preston Road trophy source: dfw.cbslocal.com \| share:	4

Thu May 21, 2020
		74-year old former TX Lt. Gov David Dewhurst says he's not interested in pursuing charges against his 40-year old girlfriend who is accused of assualting him and breaking several of his ribs; because....40-year girlfriend, so, totally worth it source: abc13.com \| share:	52
		Freeway ✔ Flare gun ✔ Father is a serial killer ✔ Launch 🚀 source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	17
		Texas Mayor: You can't deliver the invocation at Town Council meetings unless you have a young penis. Yes this happened in 2020, not 1950 source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com \| share:	71
		Meanwhile, in Texas, police ask local TV news stations to broadcast a decapitated head. It is not on the back of a turtle source: kvia.com \| share:	34
		Copperhead viper not a fan of teenager's dancing routine source: metro.co.uk \| share:	54

Wed May 20, 2020
		Tiger King bus at White House to request pardon for Joe Exotic. We've reached the pay per view portion of this circus folks source: tmz.com \| share:	117
		♩ "My bologna has a first name. ♩ It's T-E-X-A-S. ♩ My bologna has a second name. ♩ It's S-M-U-G-G-L-E-R-S" ♩ source: fox5ny.com \| share:	45
		News: Federal judge rules citizens afraid of catching Covid-19 can vote by mail. Fark: in Texas source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	37
		Texas experiencing a sharp spike right in the panhandle. That's gotta smart source: npr.org \| share:	62

Tue May 19, 2020
		Actual headline: 'Coronavirus or border wall - lawmakers debate which is more important' source: fox5sandiego.com \| share:	26
		Texas being Texas, starts restarting evictions in these reopening coronavirus times source: routefifty.com \| share:	98
		Texas, North Carolina, and Arizona all began "re-opening" last week, and in what is surely a coincidence, all three reported a record-high number of new Coronavirus cases on Saturday source: thehill.com \| share:	89
		Coronavirus kills off Pier 1 Imports for good source: cnbc.com \| share:	31
		Sixty-three arrests at Go Topless weekend on Texas beach source: twitter.com \| share:	87

Mon May 18, 2020
		Nothing like mushroom hunting out in the woods this time of year. White morels, pheasant backs, hen of the woods, human corpse, black mo- wait, what? source: mlive.com \| share:	42

Sun May 17, 2020
		Priorities in Texas source: i.imgur.com \| share:	38

Sat May 16, 2020
		Sure. This is what we needed. Blue dragons washing up on Texas beaches. Scary tag ran away source: kltv.com \| share:	42

Fri May 15, 2020
		Texas reports single-day coronavirus death high two weeks after reopening. I mean, it's not like anyone could've predicted this source: thehill.com \| share:	124
		Fired BARDA director Rick Bright's 4-hour testimony before Congress yesterday can be summarized by a 4-word email he got from a Texas N-95 mask manufacturer in January: "we're in deep shiat" source: theatlantic.com \| share:	27

Thu May 14, 2020
		Suddenly, another semi source: yahoo.com \| share:	38
		Much like your sex life, NFL extending virtual offseason source: nfl.com \| share:	3

Wed May 13, 2020
		Texas decided to open businesses earlier than recommended. Let's see how that's turning out source: kxan.com \| share:	70
		Republican Senator John Cornyn suddenly changes tune, now urging people to sign up for the Affordable Care Act to replace their lost employer-provided coverage source: huffpost.com \| share:	46
		Texas decides not to pay after a ransomware attack, so there will be no more decisions issued by the Texas Supreme Court or the Court of Criminal Appeals source: gritsforbreakfast.blogspot.com \| share:	84
		One positive about the lockdown is that there are fewer cars on the road to get in the way when gunfire erupts source: nbcbayarea.com \| share:	11
		Pro sports can resume on May 16. Pro sports to be suspended May 30 source: espn.com \| share:	31

Tue May 12, 2020
		Texas announces highway disinfecting plan, still no tests for citizens source: nbcdfw.com \| share:	31
		Pickup truck fleeing cops careens across several lanes of highway, does barrel roll along divider, lands on wheels and keeps fleeing. With crazy video source: kfor.com \| share:	59

Sat May 09, 2020
		The one instance where vertical video is acceptable source: liveleak.com \| share:	43

Fri May 08, 2020
		Temperance pastor inadvertently creates coupons for discount beer source: vinepair.com \| share:	23
		Man killed by a plane landing at ABIA. Airport spokesman Bryce Obvious said "officials do not believe the unidentified man was supposed to be on the runway at the time of the incident" source: sandiegouniontribune.com \| share:	32
		Everything is bigger in Texas. Including the number of times you can test positive for Coronavirus source: yahoo.com \| share:	37
		Interactive US map of state COVID-19 testing and reopening. Basically, it's the Cursed Earth from Judge Dredd, minus Texas City source: nytimes.com \| share:	16

Wed May 06, 2020
		Tennesses, LSU, Kentucky, Georgia, Missouri, Alabama, Texas A&M, South Carolina, and Arkansas all announce plans to bring students back to campus this fall. You know why this is under the Sports tab source: twitter.com \| share:	51

Tue May 05, 2020
		Texas governor Greg Abbott admits in a private phone call that ending stay-at-home order will cause a spike in Coronavirus cases but is going to do it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	71
		Texas will have none of your Branch Dildonian behavior source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	167
		Poll: most Americans disbelieve officially reported coronavirus death counts. Difficulty: Republicans think fewer people have died than officially reported source: thehill.com \| share:	101

Mon May 04, 2020
		Police video from Darren McFadden's Whataburger drive-thru arrest source: tmz.com \| share:	25

Sun May 03, 2020
		Texas park ranger advising crowd on social distancing is presented with alternative social distancing idea: man pushes him into lake. Yes, video. Yes, arrest source: ksat.com \| share:	151
		Texas movie theaters reopen with "airport style security screening". In other words, the movie theater equivalent of the TSA is going to let a bunch of infected patrons get past security anyway source: cbsnews.com \| share:	120
		Andy Dalton is going back home to Texas....Dallas, to be exact source: twitter.com \| share:	42

Sat May 02, 2020
		In their never ending goal to find a scapegoat for a natural occurrence, the Trump Administration is now investigating the University of Texas for "dealing" with the Wuhan Institute of Virology source: msn.com \| share:	59

Fri May 01, 2020
		Not News: States start to lift restrictions. News: State governor allows anyone in a household with sick members, high risk members, or kids to stay on unemployment, regardless if they can get work. Fark: Texas source: newsweek.com \| share:	33
		Texas is forcing everyone back to work today, so let's check yesterday's COVID statistics and see how safe we ar--- oh dear source: thehill.com \| share:	126

Thu April 30, 2020
		Happy 94th birthday Cloris Leachman who played Frau Blücher - HORSES WHINNY - in 'Young Frankenstein' source: doyouremember.com \| share:	46
		Texas: The Australia of America, except with guns source: ksat.com \| share:	66
		Yee-haw Let's re-open Texas and keep the alcohol-to-go flowing source: twitter.com \| share:	41

Wed April 29, 2020
		Be kind rewind as the last Blockbuster keeps taking care of business during this pandemic source: doyouremember.com \| share:	9
		Karen has no time for your nonsense, like "stay at home" restrictions or TROs issued by a judge source: wfaa.com \| share:	115

Tue April 28, 2020
		Wow, Texas and Iowa governors can go fark themselves source: thehill.com \| share:	151
		Final Jeopardy: He's not buried in Grant's Tomb source: tvline.com \| share:	28
		Hustler Hollywood in San Antonio providing drive by sex toys. Asinine tag used because you know where they gonna end up source: sacurrent.com \| share:	21

Mon April 27, 2020
		Reality: 10,000 Americans have died of Coronavirus in the last five days. Texas Republican Alt-Reality: Time to open back up source: cnn.com \| share:	70

Sun April 26, 2020
		"I made an appointment and had no wait, 5 star review" Difficulty: Texas mayor violating stay-at-home order to go to nail salon source: nbcnews.com \| share:	90
		New poll shows Trump leading Biden by five points. Fark: ...in Texas. Ultrafark: ...which hasn't voted for a Democrat since 1976 source: newsweek.com \| share:	214
		Need your pecan pie fix, but also want to be responsible and not break social distancing guidelines? You can buy a whole pecan pie from a vending machine in Texas source: chron.com \| share:	13
		In other news, SpaceX did another static test of the Falcon 9 rocket yesterday ... moving us one small step closer to maybe getting the hell off this godforsaken rock source: interestingengineering.com \| share:	46

Sat April 25, 2020
		"In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers" source: boredpanda.com \| share:	78

Fri April 24, 2020
		Texas expected to be the next Lone Star on the reopening/reinfection list source: marketwatch.com \| share:	17

Thu April 23, 2020
		You heard the leprechaun: put down the Lucky Charms - playtime's OVER, futhamuckas source: myhighplains.com \| share:	27

Tue April 21, 2020
		China was supposed to be buying $40 billion of US crops in Phase-One of the US-China trade deal. And US oil producers would sure love it if they'd buy Texas crude instead of Russian/Arabian oil. If only there wasn't someone blaming them for everything source: foreignpolicy.com \| share:	22
(VegNews)		Non-Dairy ice cream bars are coming to select Dairy Queen locations source: vegnews.com \| share:	19
		Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick: "There are more important things than living." You first asshole source: krgv.com \| share:	141
		ER doctor self-isolates in his kids' treehouse, With pic of pretty cool treehouse source: myfox8.com \| share:	31

Mon April 20, 2020
		Trump's coronavirus testing czar was given 30 minutes to resign or be fired at Texas A&M's vaccine development lab. Job evaluation: "more interested in promoting yourself," low marks on being a "team player," The Best People™ source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	46

Sun April 19, 2020
		Yeah, good luck with that source: thehill.com \| share:	40

Sat April 18, 2020
		Texas decides to rebrand itself as West Florida, can't test at a proper pace but eff it, let's open 'er up anyway source: cnn.com \| share:	78

Fri April 17, 2020
		The good news? That pair of designer shoes you just had to have can now be picked up from a store near you. The bad news, well...let's just say it rhymes with: "She still paint got know breasts. Y'all" source: texastribune.org \| share:	72
		HBD to Jennifer Garner, alias RAWR source: imdb.com \| share:	30

Mon April 13, 2020
		XFL files for bankruptcy, surprising no one source: tmz.com \| share:	36
		Amazon Fresh and Amazon Prime Now's next available slot for delivery for new customers is some indefinite time between now and August, maybe source: nypost.com \| share:	25
		Quarantine driving your relationship sideways? Texas couple has found the way forward: reboot (possible nsfw content on page) source: dailystar.co.uk \| share:	34

Sat April 11, 2020
		Good news everyone source: cnn.com \| share:	45
		Governor Farquaad will issue executive order removing pandemic restrictions on businesses to "expand and restore the livelihoods that Texans want to have by helping them return to work" source: newsweek.com \| share:	214

Fri April 10, 2020
		On hearing that many of his followers plan to gather in his name on Easter despite COVID-19, God decides to send tornadoes to stop those idiots source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	29
		Texas' abortion ban is blocked again until Fifth Ciruit appeals court judges wake up from their nap source: reason.com \| share:	18

Thu April 09, 2020
		An anti-LGBTQ Republican activist and some pastors in Harris County TX have challenged the stay-at-home order in state district court claiming that the government is issuing edicts and mandates that are "an infringement on religious liberties" source: msn.com \| share:	165
		Dolphins thrilled to have a sloth friend visit them. She flips upside-down to look at him, since he's upside-down on his branch. D'awww-tastic source: ladbible.com \| share:	15

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