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| Mon May 09, 2022 |
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Georgia cops pull over suspicious vehicle for marijuana trafficking, if by suspicious they mean a women's lacrosse team from a historically Black college
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After missing the playoffs, Barry Trotz gets voted off the Islanders
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Senators: SHUT UP, PIERRE
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Baking Impossible, or how to use ramen to reinforce your chocolate erections
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Fed's Neil Kashkari, who also plays Agent 47 in the hit video game "Inflation: How I Got It All Wrong" says you can trust him on inflation now. He's totally got it under control. Promise
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If your friend asks you to look after his or her pet deadly puff adder, perhaps you should politely but firmly decline (possible nsfw content on page)
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| (Some Bum) |
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Which MLB fanbase drinks the most during games? Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Milwaukee are likely just pre-gaming in the parking lot
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Stay classy, Dallas fans
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All those 'jump to light speed streaming stars effects' are now produceable IRL. Scientists are saying uh-huh to the Unruh
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| Fri May 06, 2022 |
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Phillies' fans react to the team losing after blowing a 7-1 lead in the 9th to the Mets in their usual calm manner
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Raiders fire team president, an 18 year veteran of their front office. Two sentence non-statement to the left, wild speculation to the right
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While Fortnite is wasting its time having crossovers with the likes of Marvel and Star Wars, Eve Online is crossing over with Excel
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The latest thing found in the waters of Lake Mead? Cocaine. Plus meth, THC, codeine, and caffeine just to start. Shoot, sounds like a fella had a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff
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It looks like the winner in James Harden-Ben Simmons trade is no one
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"I felt good my friends broke his arm," Dave Chappelle's attacker may have grounds to sue after getting the stuffing knocked out of him
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Sources "close" to Baker Mayfield say the Browns "sabotaged" him. Beastie Boys, Desmond Dekker unavailable for comment
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Scientists Spot Bizarre 'Yellow Brick Road' in Pacific Ocean - Dorothy Unavailable for Comment
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| Tue May 03, 2022 |
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"He's unfixable, he's unredeemable, he's unsalvageable." But enough about Skip Bayless; let's hear what he has to say about James Harden instead
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Matt Ryan left Atlanta because they were thinking about getting Deshaun Watson
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We continue the NBA Playoffs with the battle of green teams with Bucks and Celtics at 7:00 PM ET, then we have Warriors and Grizzlies at 9:30 PM, both games are on TNT. Will we see lots of fancy footwork tonight?
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| (Some Guy) |
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He was humble about being a pro cyclist. And soldier. And CEO. And lawyer. And author. And academic. And hostage responder. And weapons instructor. And bull*****er
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Kicker Chase McLaughlin failed to make the Browns, and Chris Blewitt, too
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EBay's Authenticity Guarantee now includes graded trading cards over $2,000. Your 1977 Topps orange-bordered Star Wars cards still worthless
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Team of chemical and biomolecular engineering students create edible tape to keep burritos sealed while cooking
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It's all fun and games as a bride-to-be to be dressed as an inflatable penis at your hen-do until you're attacked by a crazed knifeman
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Here's where things stand in the Denver Broncos sale process now that Homer Simpson's no longer part of the negotiations
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Gary Oldman may be about to live up to his name
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After forcing the goalkeeper to come out from the penalty area, winger makes a great pass to a wide open teammate, who attempts a four yard kick towards an empty net. Tag says it all (audio is in Portuguese)
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Porsche and Audi to join F1 as soon as Porsche figures out where to put the engine
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| Mon May 02, 2022 |
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Giannis Antetokounmpo scores amazing self alley-oop, bags triple-double, plays like Greeced lightning
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Rule 34 just took a huge leap forward
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Latest Colbert report not as funny as the prior ones
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Future "wait, he played for the White Sox?" guy Robinson Canó DFA'd, with the Mets eating $40 million
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"Our job is to bring analytics to our clients as much as we can, and make sure we have a value proposition." Quote is regarding (a) exchange-traded funds, (b) Apple iPhone user-experience, or (c) hot dogs
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The James Webb Space Telescope is beating all expectations. Here's the remarkable story behind the pictures
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BDN iso NFLT
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Utica is introduced to chips, though still not steamed hams
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Superior it's said never gives up her dead, but Lake Mead has been known to
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We celebrated an L in Ibiza
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Reds continue seeing red
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Scientists have created an enzyme that can break down plastic waste in hours, not decades. Enough about plastic surgeons' work
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Research proves Bronze-Age blades were used for cutting things
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Mystery solved: It was Amber Heard's PR team who crapped in Johnny Depp's bed
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Wonder Twin Powers Deactivate
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| Fri April 29, 2022 |
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It's Figure Four Friday: First on Smackdown, Drew gets Sami where he can't run away, in a steel cage. Then on Rampage: Keith Lee yeets Colton Gunn, Joe vs Trent and HOOK faces off with Danhausen. It all starts at 8 PM ET on Fox, then 10 PM on TNT
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After an exciting First Round, we now go to Rounds 2 and 3 of the NFL Draft on Friday. Who will Malik Willis go to? Any more surprising trades? Do you like who your team pick? Tune in at 7:00 PM ET on ABC, ESPN, and NFL Network. Take your pick
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| (Some Guy) |
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Most "About Us" or "Meet Our Team" pages are boring. Not this one
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Her heart will go on, but her muscle spasms stopped Celine Dion's European Tour again
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With all mirror elements in unified focus and all instruments aligned, the James Webb Space Telescope continues to exceed expectations
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Hollywood is relocating to Phoenix
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Doll nightmares on the Texas Gulf Coast
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Bad news for marathoners and wildebeests, humans tend to run at the most energy efficient speed for the distance. Any distance
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| Thu April 28, 2022 |
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Farking leads to unemployment
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The New York Giants just stamped an expiration date on the Daniel Jones Era. Tag is for the Era, not its new expiration date
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The Coyotes have guaranteed they will have the NHL's lowest attendance, but they'll make up for it by increasing ticket prices
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Ranking the non-playoff NHL teams in order of disappointment. Uh, Vegas NOT No. 1? (Listens to explanation) Flyers fans of Fark available for comment?
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It's Round 1 of the 2022 NFL Draft. Who will be the first pick? Do you like your team's pick? Are you as excited as Subby for this? It all begins at 8:00 PM ET and it airs on ESPN, NFL Network, and ABC. It's the most wonderful time of the offseason
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Not all bosses are soulless exploiters of their powerless serfs
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Cowboys to let Jon Gruden make their draft picks
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Beast Mode channels his inner Joe Biden to hype the Sounders CONCACAF final to win continental glory for the first time for an MLS team
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Feige: Retreat... do not surrender. The next ten years of Marvel may rely on if their Team building exercises go well, or something
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Raiders owner Mark Davis says he'd welcome Colin Kaepernick with "open arms"
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| (Some Guy) |
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New holographic diamond wafers have the potential to store 1,000,000,000 Blu-Rays' worth of data, or about 25 Exabytes. That's almost enough to store all the pr0n footage your mom did last year
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I went to a Mets game and a hockey brawl broke out
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fark The Knights
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The business plan for CNN+ involved the time-tested Step 2: ????? model
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Wyoming high school soccer team helps clear rock slide from canyon road, isn't penalized for using their hands
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Archaeologists find remains of medieval hand grenade, rabbit bits
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| Wed April 27, 2022 |
| (Some Hopeful Chilean Guy) |
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Looks like Chile might be going to the World Cup after all
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Turns out Sasuke Uchiha was actually Ronnie "Firestorm" Raymond, but not really either (maybe Sasuke after all?). It's Team Flash vs. Deathstorm Round 1 on S.№8 Ep.№12 "Death Rises" at 8 ㏘ EDT. Then Kung-Fu at 9, both on The CW
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A history of long green room waits at the Draft: "Fans were left to watch him get more dejected with each team that chose someone else"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sooo, false witness, then?
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Time for another round of "Usher or Ja Morant's dad?"
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"Alas, poor Oook. I knew him, Horatio"
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Kurt Russell named 2022 Teacher Of The Year. Duke of New York unavailable for comment
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"The Chinese cyber espionage group 'Bronze President' spies on Russian targets as Ukraine invasion continues" - unknown if Blond Bimbo, Slenderman Sycophant, or Scary Poppins are also helping
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Long time NC Hurricane announcer Tripp Tracy tweeted just before last night's game that he has a drinking problem. Get well Caniac
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So, think they are going to call it "The Batman Returns"?
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I was wondering if life may have come from a meteorite, when suddenly it hit me
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Free Elder Scrolls I: Arena and ES2: Daggerfall, on Steam. Subby adjusts belted onion, recalls first time walking into the Temple of Dibella in Daggerfall. Then falling endlessly through the floor
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#2. Bourbon, because it has overlapping symptoms with Alzheimer's; #3. Bourbon; and #D. Bourbon
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Florida Preacher Man stuffed his bank account with righteous dollar bills
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| Thu April 21, 2022 |
| (Outdoor Life) |
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Holy mackerel
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Major League Baseball sells out even further, now going to start letting teams put sponsor logos on their jerseys
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Australian mass shooter fires again, this time has second publicly funded legal team in sights
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Old folks getting farked by Home Depot over a propane grill. Florida Consumer reporter hears about their story and takes almost no action. Gets almost no results. Writes about it
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Junior college pitcher who tackled opposing player for hitting home run receives four game suspension, invitation to walk on the football team
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Subby also has an antenna that uses "tymbal bucking" to communicate with members of his species
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Aw, we all work pretty hard here, submitting the headlines and sharing the goodness. It's a team effort, really
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New on-demand trucker company is looking like a real mother
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✋ good jorb, everyone ✋
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"New Steve Irwin" gets to meet the original
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When things started to get real, there came a song about Zelenskyy's balls of steel. Claypool, Hutz, and others team up to praise Ukraine's fortitude
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| Wed April 13, 2022 |
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Fragments of an ancient Maya 260-day calendar found in Guatemala, meaning today's either St. Pat's or last year's Halloween
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First you get the sugar, then you get the coronavirus, then you get the power to jump species
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4O3 Parachute not found. 4O4 Parachute found
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It's the second day of play-in games in the NBA Playoffs. Will it be the Hornets or the Hawks in the battle of Southern teams? Do you have the Spurs or the Pelicans? Game times are at 7:00 PM ET and 9:30 PM respectively, both are on ESPN
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lakers GM Rob Pelinka explains what qualities he's looking for in a new head coach. First quality is whoever LeBron says is coach
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Here's a mostly arbitrary list of every NFL team most desired draft do-overs. Arbitrary since how can you blame a team for not picking player X with their 11th pick, when that player was selected 23rd overall??
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Anything with Maya Rudolph, by definition, cannot suck
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Nearly 86% of U.S. COVID cases caused by BA.2. Man, I told you all that the A-Team reboot was a bad idea
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| (Some Baller) |
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Former NBA player Spencer Haywood admits to giving himself a circumcision as a kid. Subby's hurt so bad he couldn't walk for a whole year
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Edible, fluorescent silk tags can help suss out fake medication. Until they're faked
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Master welders in Japan impress the Internets, create 1mm metal die that you can barely see with the naked eye
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The doctors described the dildo, which was 23 inches long and stuck up a man's arse, as "girthy". (With X-ray goodness)
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Reds Owner: "Yeah, I know you ain't happy about how bad we've been the past 15 some-odd years. But you want us to re-locate? Do ya? 'Cuz we could, and then you'd be REAL mad"
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Congress says the Commanders may have broken the law, perhaps not the only organization in Washington to have done so
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| Thu April 07, 2022 |
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Atlanta Braves OF Ronald Acuna Jr. apparently unaware that journalists often write down the things you say about former teammates
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Just go take a nice walk, willya?
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If a twin-supercharged Aston Martin V12 sideways doesn't hit you in your naughty parts keep scrolling
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Thank you Kara of Sigma Draconis
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Hey look at these cool giant bobbleheads, it'll take your mind off losing
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| (Waffle House Nut) |
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Scattered, covered, capped, chunked.... and add a pair of shoes to cap them off
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Looks like charges are back on the menu, boys
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Astronomers find the most distant object ever detected, which has been urgently trying to reach you about your student loans
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That EU ban on Rooskie coal? Not going to fully kick in until August, if at all
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Dogs evolved to ask for steak
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In February the College hires a new Volleyball Coach. On April 4th the new Coach cuts all 19 players, the entire roster
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| (Some Guy) |
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New sponsorship deal means professional gaming team will have all the free condoms they need. Yes, that's zero, but still
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Things you don't really want on the conveyor belt at your fries factory: A grenade
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Tulsa donut shop snags Rocky on his cheat day by offering up Stallone Donuts
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| Wed April 06, 2022 |
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The Eastman emails have started to arrive. I guess any appeal is moot (or moo)
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Nobody wants to be traded to the Jets
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On this day in history, in 1909, Robert Peary almost reached the North Pole, a feat he later proudly recounted along with his Nobel prize for attempted chemistry
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Faced with the cross-universal threat of Sasuke Uchiha, Barry and team are getting "Reckless" in S.№8 Ep.№10 of The Flash at 8 ㏘ EDT, then Kung Fu at 9 (anyone watching that?), both on The CW
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{Charlie looks at Emilio}Wednesday night hockey thread? {Emilio looks at Charlie, nods} Wednesday night hockey thread. {clap, clap, clap} Five games tonight starting at 7:30pm ET. A couple with playoff implications. A couple with teams ready to golf
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cool: Six state Attorneys General (IL, Bears, MA, Patriots, MN, Vikings, WA, Seahawks) send letter to the NFL warning them to get their act together, re workplace culture with female employees. Strange: The sixth state is Oregon, which has no NFL Team
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Baseball game cancelled due to a) rain, b) snow, c) lack of available pitching
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Whitney retires Mercilusly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fifteen years ago today, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Edgar Wright, Rob Zombie, and Eli Roth teamed up to bring us a deliciously devilish double feature
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Denver-to-Seattle transplant believes in other Denver-to-Seattle transplant
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Severance comes together for a second season
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Off went Pete. "Grumble, grumble," said the owners
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MLB will allow teams to use earpiece technology when communicating in-game strategy to counteract the Astros and their elaborate trashcan system
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The Buffalo Bill Diggs it
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6th way: Don't fall asleep...ever
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Former Vikings great Doug Sutherland no longer a purple people eater on Earth
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Florida ambulance burns rubber, doing donuts in a parking lot late at night while filming The Cast and the Injurious
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Old and busted: Larger schools poaching coaches from mid-major programs after NCAA Cinderella runs. New hotness: Larger schools poaching star players from mid-major programs after NCAA Cinderella runs
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