headlines found matching 'State' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Tue August 11, 2020 |
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I'M ERIC held a Trump 2020 campaign rally in Florida today, with blockbuster guests like Pam Bondi and Lt Gov Nuñez. A few dozen people showed up. It was held in a used car parking lot
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Flynn's lawyer: even if we bribed Barr to drop the charges your honor can't do anything about it, because deep state, MAGA, and, uh, reasons
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Ohio State University study shows what the rest of us have been saying for a while now
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If you call Hitler "Führer," name your real estate company after a term popular among white nationalists, and post pictures on Instagram from your vacation to Hitler's vacation home, perhaps you shouldn't be running for Congress
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Illinois adds "workers enforcing public health regulations" to the list of people that automatically becomes aggravated battery (felony) if you punch someone telling you to wear a mask
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Today, three MLB teams will play in the state of New York for the first time since 1957 as Buffalo, NY hosts its first major league game since 1916
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America, brace for the "blue shift" in battleground states, for it will decide the 2020 election
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Unilever has their UK deal botched by the EU (possible nsfw content on page)
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Tens of thousands of unemployed in SW Florida now struggling with living on $275 or less weekly since federal aid ended. Now, multiply that by 200 to understand the scope of this tragedy
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Tens of thousands of unemployed in SW Florida now struggling with living on $275 or less weekly since federal aid ended. Now, multiply that by 200 to understand the scope of this tragedy
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Fark Independent POTUS candidate Kanye Worst may face criminal charges for following the Republican playbook a little too closely
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Even Trump admits that his "pre-existing condition" Executive Order is just so much BS: "It's a signal to people ... it's a second platform, pre-existing conditions will be taken care of 100 percent by Republicans and the Republican party"
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CDC reports 200,000 more deaths at this point in 2020 compared to previous years. So it's not a hoax: murderous antifa supersoldiers do exist
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California judge fires the first salvo against the gig economy. Orders Uber and Lyft to classify drivers as employees
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| Sat August 08, 2020 |
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What the state you grew up in says about you. Subby grew up in many states including confusion and denial
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When you look closely at Georgia, you see a state with a leader unique among his peers
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When you look closely at Georgia, you see a state with a leader unique among his peers
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Turns out, there might be some benefits to online schooling
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... or perhaps, just perhaps, it's time to develop a new business model as the old one is now as relevant as selling buggy whips to horseless carriage drivers
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The REAL secret about masks that "DOCTORS" and the DEEP STATE don't want you to see
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US intelligence states that OANN is acting as a conduit of Russian propaganda. But CNN sometimes quotes statements from a known Russian asset in DC, so both sides are bad
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Six-state yard sale this weekend despite pandemic. Come for the vinyl records, stay for the vintage furniture, leave with coronavirus
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Doc: "Where we're going, we don't need roads." Marty: "You're going to New Hampshire?"
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| Fri August 07, 2020 |
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What the hell, New York? You used to be cool
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What the hell, New York? You used to be cool
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May I take your order? Yeah man like uh...ya got...uh...1/8 flower power, trippy gummies and some kushy punch? Sir, this is a McDonald's...you want the Cronic Drive-thru down the street. Ironic cronic supersonic tag, you're it man
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Sorry I read the headline just before lunch
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"As Gov. Ron DeSantis pushed this summer for schools to reopen, state leaders told school boards they would need Health Department approval if they wanted to keep classrooms closed. Then they instructed health directors not to give it"
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Surprise Trump presser from his golf course in Bedminister set for 7pm ET - I expect some Presidential turn and levels of empathy for everyone screwed over by the lack of a relief deal
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Washington State Troopers rescue unicorn abandoned on the side of the road and find it a forever home
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Kansas ended up being a "Natural Experiment" in whether or not wearing a mask slows the spread of COVID. Spoiler alert: it does slow the spread
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3 University of Louisville players kicked off team for organizing large gathering that was not a church service resulting in a Covid-19 outbreak
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3 University of Louisville players kicked off team for organizing large gathering that was not a church service resulting in a Covid-19 outbreak
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President Trump calls her a 'real beauty.' Is he taking about: A) His wife B) His daughter C) Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
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Allowing a gathering this year which drew a quarter of a million people last year, it's obvious that South Dakota Harley cares
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New Yawk approves of liquor in the ice cream...or, ice cream with like, booze...approves, I mean, getting wasted. Like, man, oh I love you man. I love New York. I love ever body. Durnk
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160,000 with 300,000 expected by December. "It is what it is"
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| Thu August 06, 2020 |
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Former upstate New York mayor and local businessman goes out with a bang. Holy guacamole
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Betcha didn't know CARES act money goes to repave airports in Texas
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Obamacare-Wan Kenobi: 'You can't win, Trump. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.'
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Uh-oh. The WaPo "fact checker" caught Chuck Schumer making a slightly inaccurate statement on cable television, so you know what that means. BSAB, vote Republican, and Trump gets to be Emperor for Life
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Sometimes you just gotta have a casserole
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The State Department is offering a reward of up to $10 million for ratting on Trump
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Cops went to a party at a bar in L.A. despite, y'know, the obvious
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Cops went to a party at a bar in L.A. despite, y'know, the obvious
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In addition to pimping super secret stock tips, Motley Fool apparently also has articles. Here is an insightful one on how Las Vegas screwed the pooch on Covid-19, with help from L.A
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Michigan held a state primary on Tuesday and a record 2.5 million people voted with 1.6 million via absentee ballot. "What August showed is we can hold safe, accessible and secure elections in the midst of a pandemic"
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Melbourne enters Australia's toughest virus lockdown. Soon the Outback will hunger and begin foraging
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The NRA, which has been barely able to support itself financially lately, plans on spending tens of millions of dollars in battleground states
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Penn State students required to agree to Covid compact before returning to campus. In return, the university promises not to cover up rhythmic slapping sounds
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"Stop whining and put your god damn mask on," says man who wears mask on stage all the time
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New report states two-thirds of the people who committed mass attacks in the US during 2019 exhibited behavior that concerned others, and nearly half used guns they possessed illegally
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Superspreader infects 91 at Ohio church. GOP Governor sends strongly-worded letter to all churches to please pretty please wear masks, is more afraid of "faith-based leaders" than of COVID. Deep Church
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Superspreader infects 91 at Ohio church. GOP Governor sends strongly-worded letter to all churches to please pretty please wear masks, is more afraid of "faith-based leaders" than of COVID. Deep Church
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| Wed August 05, 2020 |
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Apple's market cap is approaching $2 trillion (with a "T"). Why don't they just buy the damn virus and put it out of our misery?
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Like a cockroach, Joe Arpaio won't go away, and is now statistically tied for front runner in the GOP primary for his old job
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Step up, Farkers. France is our ally
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Twitler's campaign temporarily banned from Twitter. U.S. government communication expected to come to immediate halt. Deep State shakes hands, congratulates on job well done
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DeCities and DeCounties are DeFighting each other for DeFederal DeMoney
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Sad Trombone
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President Trump to laud Arizona's Covid-19 response as success. That can't be right...*reads again*...no, it really says "success"
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President Trump to laud Arizona's Covid-19 response as success. That can't be right...*reads again*...no, it really says "success"
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Stung by accusations by Democrats about their "investigations" of Biden, Senators Grassley and Johnson issues statements that "я не распространяю российскую дезинформацию" err..*shuffle their notes* "I am not spreading Russian disinformation"
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Three days and counting
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The State Department IG who was set to replace the State Department IG who was recently sacked has just resigned
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Rafael Nadal says thanks, but no thanks to traveling to the United States and playing in the U.S. Open
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Trump's Postmaster General may nearly triple price of postage for mail-in ballots, increasing costs for states whose budgets have already been hammered by the pandemic
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Andrew Cuomo just assured his re-election for as long as he wants it
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How many states are using the Apple/Google contact tracing API that respects user privacy? If you guessed two, your guess was double the actual number. Other 49 worried app development doesn't cost enough, or steal enough data
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The Colorado State football program may be covering-up COVID-19 cases
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Good news: Biden Is Polling Better Than Clinton At Her Peak Bad news: she did lead by more in certain key states. Good news: Biden's over 50% most places
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Why do Republicans have even the smallest chance in November? Because Democrats are, at best, incompetent
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Disney lost $3.5 billion due to park closures during the pandemic
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Show Me state-funded healthcare
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Planning on visiting Salem, MA over the Halloween season? Well, TOO DAMN BAD
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Police officers in New York State arrest 'tall Leprechaun' caught looting cars in residential neighbourhood, elusive search for small leprechauns still ongoing
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DeCorona infects DeAides of DeSantis
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The time for action is nigh; Trump and the RNC are attempting to restrict voting rights in 17 states
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Restaurants hurting, oil fields shutting down, meat packing plants closed by the state, looks like I picked the wrong week to stop selling weed
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| Tue August 04, 2020 |
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Just your typical three-way state Senate race - a longtime political insider, a nurse, and some guy who threatened to blow up an IRS office in 2012
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China will not accept 'theft' of TikTok, state media says, angrily stating that theft of technology is their bailiwick
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Florida Man to have first entirely online trial. Translating legal jargon into memes is going to be interesting
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Even if he loses today's GOP Senate Primary, Kris Kobach, and his enablers, including President Trump, may well have paved the way for Kansas to elect its first Democratic Senator since 1932
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Trump makes the largest single investment in America's national parks and public lands in history. And if you don't believe that, you can read it right here in this White House statement
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Donald Trump decides to encourage mail-in and absentee ballots. But only for states he believes he can win
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As expected by everyone outside of Democratic Party insiders, red state voters prefer the pro-Trump Republican to the pro-Trump Democrat
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OOOOOKLAHOMA where they constantly disagree on how to fight Covid-19
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OOOOOKLAHOMA where they constantly disagree on how to fight Covid-19
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If you build it, they will...have to wait until next year
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Here it is, last night's full episode of veep. Wait, I'm being told this is actually the President of the United States being interviewed by Jonathan Swan
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Three slashies = oblig. 482 slashies = $25000
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LGBTQ Native American Anthropology professor at Arizona State University who died of COVID-19 after being forced to teach in person turns out to not have been a person at all
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Actual lede: Police detained and handcuffed a Black mother and four children after mistaking their SUV for a stolen motorcycle from another state
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The official COVID-19 case count in Texas is short by at least tens of thousands of cases
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We're two countries now, The United States of Trump, and "very bad states"
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| Mon August 03, 2020 |
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The season opener between Texas State and SMU to be moved up a week so all the players and coaches can get COVID-19 sooner than everyone else
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Bill Gates thinks Joe Biden should tell everyone to listen to Bill Gates
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POTUS backs 118 Democratic candidates in a huge wave of endorsements
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Over a hundred dead from bootleg alcohol in India. Which is why you should always take off your shoes first
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Rasha Naba Doe-ah Gola Wookiee Nipple Pinchy
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In August, 2020 the phrase "Republican turnout crisis" first began to appear in headlines
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Remember how mad you'd get in school when your entire class got punished due to the actions of a few knuckleheads? Welcome to NJ
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Remember how mad you'd get in school when your entire class got punished due to the actions of a few knuckleheads? Welcome to NJ
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Pandemic-induced free parking is coming to end. It's up to you, Community Chest
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Expensive Indoor Farming pioneered in the Garden State
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Sammitch maker Wawa is opening its first drive-thruthru
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Swim with the whales, they said. It'll be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, they said. What could POSSIBLY go wrong, they said
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Not satisfied with letting COVID get all the glory, Florida man ups death toll in state because Burger King employee was too slow fulfilling girlfriend's order
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Victorians struggle with return of coronavirus, cholera, TB, workhouses, and underage chimney sweeps
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Play stupid games win stupid prizes, bonus round
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Play stupid games win stupid prizes, bonus round
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Florida State House Rep. Randy Fine (R-ona) admitted to hospital over COVID-19 diagnosis
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"History, when taught well, shows us how to improve the world, but history, when taught poorly, falsely claims there is nothing to improve," John Oliver castigates the US education system, where 17 states use "state's rights" as the Civil War's cause
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"It's hard to believe that the hole President Trump dug for himself could get deeper, but it has." Apparently "take some hydro and call in the troops, whitey" isn't a winning platform
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No one wants to hand their bank statements to a cable provider (possible nsfw content on page)
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Caribbean islands of Antigua & Barbuda, St. Kitts & Nevis, and St. Lucia slash the cost of buying citizenship, just in case the 2020 US elections don't go your way. Still way more expensive than Staten Island, though
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Nine states set new single-day Coronavirus records last week
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| Fri July 31, 2020 |
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Person in charge of league chastises league for not handling things well
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IC, 2019-20: This Russian bounty business is real. State Dept, yesterday: Russia, knock it off or there will be consequences. Trump, today: It's another hoax
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Surely this was not COVID-19's first rodeo
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Democrats once again falling behind in fundraising for state elections .... wait a minute .... they're ahead?
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Florida disaster trifecta cashes out
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A look at $60M bribery probe unfolding in Ohio, the largest money-laundering scheme in state history. "We don't trust any of them"
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Playful otters in my bathtub. Playful otters on my bedroom wall. Playful otters in my socks
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See? You fall a little behind on regularly raking your forest, and this happens
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Early in the pandemic, Republicans laughed and crowed about how it was a blue state issue (or a hoax). Now that it's affecting their states strongly, their precious feelings are being hurt by people who remember what they said
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Wisconsin Republicans 'stand ready' to say 'cheese it' to mask requirement
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Racism declared public health crisis in Colorado, state pasttime in Alabama
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California gym that remained open despite order to close now tied to...well, go on, guess. This is an easy one
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That high profile Twitter hack? The teen "mastermind" was arrested this morning in Fark's favorite state
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Heatwave hits France, with Paris reaching 104°F. AC surrenders
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Old and busted: kids writing "How I spent my summer" essays for their teachers. 2020 hotness: teachers writing their own obituaries for the governor
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| Thu July 30, 2020 |
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In a brief moment of sanity, Ohio's Pharmacy Board bans the use of hydroxychloroquine to treat COVID-19. Five hours later, it was withdrawn after the Governor complained
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A Tennessee state senator has been charged with stealing more than $600,000 in federal funds received by a health care company she directed and using the money to pay for her wedding and other personal expenses. Difficulty: She's a Democrat
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Gov. Evers orders statewide mask mandate for Wisconsin. Subby working on cheese curds and bratwurst in IV form
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Gov. Evers orders statewide mask mandate for Wisconsin. Subby working on cheese curds and bratwurst in IV form
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The day before his testimony before them, Senate Democrats make the marvelous revelation that Pompeo's State Dept is nothing but lackeys who haven't pissed him off yet to incur his retaliation
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Kushner decided not to implement a detailed pandemic response plan in April in part because they figured the virus would be relegated to Democratic states
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"Judge rebukes DHS over false statements in New York travel case" Huh, that's an odd way of saying "demands whoever committed perjury and lied to the court be immediately prosecuted"
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Today in "Civics Things You Probably Didn't Know but are Relevant Today": If a president isn't chosen with an election by January 20th, the Speaker of the House becomes the acting president
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NJ Governor introduces the 'Knucklehead Hall of Fame.' This being NJ, expansion plans immediately announced and a toll will be charged to exit
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Good news: Pompeo states that Trump doesn't get to decide the election date. Bill Barr does
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"The flip-flopping is just amazing. I've never seen it in all of the years that I've been studying politics, to see someone go from having a backbone to not having one at all"
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Trump's mouth is writing checks the GOP doesn't want the poors to cash....again
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Ever see a dementia patient give a campaign speech that could make Texas swing blue?
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Treason Peepaw must be getting a cut of the bounties
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120 protestors arrested and held even after bail was posted while being denied water or access to a restroom. Why yes it was a red state, how'd you guess?
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Arizona leads multi-state probe into last year's tech news
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| Wed July 29, 2020 |
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GOP's wage replacement plan punishes its own voter base
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Trump and Biden tied in poll of registered voters in deep blue state of... Georgia
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POTUS to speak at John Lewis' funeral
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New Jersey puts in a strong bid for rejoining the Covidiot States, with a rash of massive Airbnb parties in McMansions of typical atrocious Jersey design
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US prison labor used to manufacture "Blue Lives Matter" merchandise
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The GOP asks the SCOTUS to reinstate Arizona's voting rules that were deemed racially biased because that's what they do
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Best Korea's 'Lazarus' is combining the power of state-sponsored hacking and the profitability of ransomware. Say what you want, but that's synergy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hosts of underage drinking party say they didn't intend to host a "COVID Party," just a crowded house party with people from multiple states, lots of alcohol, and no masks. And that girl they let in said she only had strep. Well okay, then
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This makes perfect sense. I mean, when has Michigan ever been instrumental in winning the Electoral College?
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As the two parties have sorted themselves into a rural party and an urban party, the fact that the Senate is effectively gerrymandered in favor of the rural party is starting to become a major problem
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Coronavirus is messing with Texas, despite reading the bumper stickers
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Goddamn
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Schoolchildren could be like lemmings on a Coronavirus cliff in the worst state to handle the crisis
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Idiots, Coronavirus, and an impotent governor. Now, a hurricane. Man, Florida, you are one truly f*cked state
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Saving baseball from Covid-19? It's up to you, New York. New York
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Back-to-school sales tax holidays are coming soon for some reason or another. Here's where to see about yours
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Wisconsinites aren't worried about Chicago's quarantining of their state as people "want to live in their summer homes"
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DeSantis: "Let's see. What can I do to make this worse? Ahhhh, that's it"
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Fed Chief Powell is expected to say the Fed will keep pulling green smoke out of its backside, but the mirrors are getting kinda scary and tranished
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COVID Kayla jumps in her car and does everything that she can do to spread disease from Florida to as many states as possible
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Douglas County Sheriff: "Okay, fine. we'll still respond to 911 calls at the library, but we stand by our statement that says we won't"
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| Tue July 28, 2020 |
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City of orange small handed whirlwind of confusion officially added to the NY quarantine list
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If the game happens, Ohio State announces that most Ohio State fans who watched them beat Michigan in person last season will be able to watch them do so in person this season
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Wisconsin added to Chicago's 14-day quarantine list
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Sister Iris would like for you all to know that separation of church and state is a liberal lie
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With a name like Mr. Rape Torture Kill, you'd think they would have kept him on the sex offender list
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Trump will accept GOP nomination in NC because it's a big deal with lots of delegates and stuff. Important huge stuff, stuff like no one has ever seen, really have you seen the huge stuff they have in NC, Obama never accepted a GOP nomination in NC
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Illinois governor J.B. Pritzker visits rebellious anti-mask Covid hotspots in southern Illinois to chide them for being morons
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Illinois governor J.B. Pritzker visits rebellious anti-mask Covid hotspots in southern Illinois to chide them for being morons
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The Pirates play their home opener with no fans in the ballpark. So just like any other home opener
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At least Trump doesn't have to worry about his base abandoning him and that's why he's dumping money in safe red states
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NYPD shows their preference for ticketing people of color as COVID-19 is driving everyone to drink alcohol outside
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Yankees game against the Phillies in Philadelphia postponed for second day in a row after coronavirus outbreak among the Miami Marlins
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Pfizer's CEO says Donnie's executive orders overhauling U.S. drug pricing will cause 'enormous destruction.' Good luck Hamptons real estate agents, yacht builders, golf club pros, personal chefs, and high-end hookers
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Democrats are going to do whatever it takes to turn Texas blue
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And if you don't want to live under dictatorship you'll eat the other half of the bowl and you'll like it
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Texas is in the midst of a major coronavirus death surge
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| (Some Booger Guy) |
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Here's an inaccurate list of the weirdest town names in each of the 50 states. In KY, it would actually be a tie between Big Bone Lick and Beaver Lick, but Booger Hollow, Arkansas sounds on the money
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There is shameless, brazenly shameless...and then there is William Barr's opening statement for the House hearing
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Woman killed in an apparent shark attack in Maine, which is strange because shahks normally don't live up heah
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Slight overestimate as "Million Unmasked March" draws only 150
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Retired grandfather-of-seven: "A quick blast of steam up my bum shrunk my enlarged prostate, gave me my life back"
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News: Due to Covid-19 concerns a state governor extends general election early voting by a week. Fark: A GOP governor. UltraFark: Texas
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With disinfection and touchless the words of the year, Tokyo train station is testing three different types of cleaning and security robots to make mass transit feasible again. It's a giant task for a little robot
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| Sun July 26, 2020 |
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In these trying times, give advice...difficulty, ONLY using lyrics
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While John Lewis lays in state at the Alabama state capitol, Trump is fussing about Paul Ryan, Fox News, and the Reagan Foundation
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DeSantis derided descientists and defacts to dedicate deresponse to DeTrump
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DeSantis derided descientists and defacts to dedicate deresponse to DeTrump
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I am Nomad. I am performing my function. Must sterilize (possible nsfw content on page)
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North Korea has a potential case of COVID-19, declares state of emergency
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Police detained a man who sped through a COVID-19 checkpoint on the wrong side of the road, with blacked out number plates. Unlicensed, on bail, on meth and caught a short time later taking a pee in the bushes. Wait, that's MY bucket list
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Ryan Reynolds offers $5,000 reward for little girl's stolen teddy bear. A very, very dusty teddy bear
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| Wed July 22, 2020 |
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Secretary of State Mike Pompeo tried to shake hands with foreign dignitaries today, in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic
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Rand Paul demands immediate impeachment due to inept coronavirus response
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United State's S'tate Department order's Chine'se to clos'e it's Hou'ston cons'ulate in order to protect American's
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Little Green Men and other mercenaries expected to crash in Albuquerque this time, not Roswell
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Come for the Corona, stay for the Trump Virus. 5:30 pm really means 6:03 pm
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Silly Blue Jays. Don't they know that Pirates only hang out with parrots?
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Head of State for North American country called out for belittling, humiliating staff, often sending them home in tears, creating toxic work environment with high turnover. No not that one
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Well, there is one positive to come out of this pandemic mess: the Indy 500 will not be blacked out in Indianapolis this year
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CEO rants that hell is coming, CNBC plays rant, market drops. CEO makes 2 billion dollars, blames CNBC for playing rant
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Issue safety guidelines for states reopening. Encourage states to ignore guidelines and reopen anyway. Blame the states for reopening too early when infections spike. Declare victory
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Dollar Tree and Family Dollar shoppers don't have to get all masked up like they're going to Walmart or something
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