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| Tue May 17, 2022 |
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Schunk and Hobby just doesn't roll off the tongue like Smith and Wesson
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Romulan Commander Sela running for Congress in Fark's favorite state
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It seems like primary election season comes earlier and earlier each year with a handful of states holding their primary election today, and this is your 7 p.m. ET MSNBC
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Texas: Don't freak out. We'll have plenty of electricity this summer. Unless it gets really hot. In Texas. This summer
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Majority of Texans believe the state is heading in the wrong direction, for all the wrong reasons. Holding their governor accountable for hundreds dying in a freeze, and a $9 billion economic hit after a failed border security stunt not an option
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As Texas distributes the $4 billion in aid Congress gave them to recover from Hurricane Harvey, Coryell County, in the dead center of the state, who lost zero houses, got $3.8 million. Houston on the other hand got...$0. HUD has a problem with this
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More than half of people looking to move to southern Maine are Bostonians trying to get away from all their fellow Bostonians... who are trying to do the same. This will end well
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The University of Michigan is #1*
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Almost 25% of state-level GOP legislators are in wacko loony Facebook groups, ranging from QAnon to white supremacist. That number seems a little low
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Retired Russian colonel gives damning assessment of Russia's war in Ukraine on state TV, should stay away from open windows, underwear, and drinking tea for the foreseeable future
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Sasha Banks and Naomi leave a WWE Raw show after a booking disagreement. WWE releases a statement criticizing their decision and admits that their shows are... "scripted"? IT'S NOT REAL TO ME ANYMORE, DAMMIT
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Oh Deere...Russia to donate their most advanced tanks to Ukraine
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The answer is no. Always
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Blue states expanding who can provide abortions, while Red states seem intent on enforcing do-it-yourself model
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How dry is out in the American West right now? To put it into perspective, the last time it was this dry, Charlemagne was crowned Emperor, algebra had just been invented, and Danish Vikings sacked London
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Diversity on corporate boards is a Good Thing. Mandating it, however, is unconstitutional
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Most important fact from TFA: the CEO of the Humane Society of the United States is named "Kitty Block." Oh, and something about not keeping tigers as pets
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| Mon May 09, 2022 |
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Putting watermelon in the fridge not only makes it taste worse, but it takes away valuable real estate from your mayo and pickles
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States are about to make something about NFTs very real - the tax you pay on them
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If SCOTUS truly values religious freedom it is obliged to stop states from imposing abortion bans. Because banning it infringes upon several religions
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Father of released Trevor Reed on the Zodiac Killer claim that he assisted in securing release. "He's an embarrassment to the state of Texas, let me just say that... I don't care what or who runs against him, I will work for their campaign"
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States with decades-old abortion bans dusting 'em off in the wake of likely Roe overturn. Deep South states seen arguing over whose laws are oldest, rustiest specula, most likely to be called Big Bertha
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GOP gov defends law forcing incest victims to give birth, claims the future of Mississippi depends on it
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Most believe Putin began the psyops against the United States around 2014. Steve Schmidt, former campaign adviser to John McCain, says it was 2008 with the McCain campaign and a desperate choice for running mate
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Realizing that they may have awakened an apocalyptic sleeping giant with the imminent ruling outlawing abortion, some Republicans are offering their thoughts & prayers for those who will be affected
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| Tue May 03, 2022 |
| (Ukrayinska Pravda) |
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A stone cold Kirill-a takes out truth, state, and probably some folks' faith
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ERCOT warns Texans that temps will be above freezing later this week, the grid may fail, power outages should be expected, and people could die. In related news, the Texas grid only operates properly when it's 68 to 71 degrees out, and cloudy
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NY governor selects new lieutenant governor, raising questions as to whether he's sufficiently corrupt for the job
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San Francisco 49ers unveil new license plate to benefit state parks, some to be made by former 49er Dana Stubblefield
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States where reproductive rights remain protected: California, New York, Washington, Kansas, Oregon... wait... back up
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Please note: in real estate advertisement parlance, '3br' means 'three bedrooms,' '1ba' means 'one bath' and 'meth' means 'meth'
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Scrapping Roe v. Wade will simply be one more step of many for the United States in its quest to abandon the moniker "Leader of the Free World" in favor of a new one: "Regressive Third World Theocracy"
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You keep a dozen orders of eggs, waffles, and savory breakfast meats up to date in various states of doneness and you can call yourself pretty damn adroit too. A droid? Oh. nevermind
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The 20th Century was a bad time to be a black farmer
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Senator Manchin (R-WV) angry that his chosen political party would throw his state under the bus
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Peace in the Mid-West seems within reach as Michigan moves to settle its border with Indiana
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Peace in the Mid-West seems within reach as Michigan moves to settle its border with Indiana
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| Fri April 29, 2022 |
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Montana State University holds a public hearing to get people's thoughts on naming a campus building after a guy that assaulted a reporter that asked him a question he didn't like
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Two Ukrainian families win the heavy metal sweepstakes. Will be re-homed to live on the estate of Ozzy Osbourne \m/-.-\m/
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Performative asshattery is easy to stage, but pretty much impossible to implement. But the Texas "boycott" was always just about the hat, and never about the cattle
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Real estate is over-valued in these U.S cities, the entire U.S
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Washington State Supreme Court: "If you want to recall the governor, you need something more than 'he hurt my fee fees'"
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Apparently, DeSantis has never seen the Looney Tunes short where Bugs Bunny saws off the state of Florida
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| (Some Guy) |
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CDC: "Um, you guys? Do you still have some of your Covid-19 facemasks lying around? Because you're actually gonna need 'em again"
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"So Long And Thanks For All The Plastic"
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The least affordable place to live in the US is now A: New York City? B: San Francisco? or C: Florida?
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These are the foods that are banned by state. Now you will have to catch your own walrus if you want to eat that
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DeSantis: Don't worry, the state is never going to pay off Disney's bonds. I mean, sure, the law says we HAVE TO if we dissolve their "special improvement district", but when have ever given a single fark about what the law says?
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Texas has closed most of its oyster reefs to fishing, and oystermen fear their jobs may soon disappear. Can't they just collect bounties on pregnant women or something?
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There's a new Star Wars-themed campsite in upstate New York. Because when you think about people who go outside frequently, you think of Star Wars fans
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State employee reports she's a victim of domestic abuse. State responds by investigating her for using a work phone to document the domestic violence. And now she's been murdered, but at least no red tape was damaged
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| Thu April 28, 2022 |
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Maine hunters sue to allow Sunday hunting, say current restrictions violate their "Right to Food" as specified in the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the state's new Right to Food constitutional amendment
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Maine hunters sue to allow Sunday hunting, say current restrictions violate their "Right to Food" as specified in the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the state's new Right to Food constitutional amendment
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New book from NYT reporters says Democrat Joe Manchin would have flipped to the GOP -- if McConnell stepped down
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Hey boys, my tits are down here
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Have you heard about the 'unknown and highly contagious' disease that's killing wild horses in Colorado? Neigh
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Guess who is a fan of separation of church and state? In certain instances
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The Judge's order against real estate service giant Cushman and Wakefield in the NYAG's probe of the Trump organization suggests that maybe the reason Trump acted as if laws don't apply to him as president is because for years, they basically didn't
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Now let's welcome our next contestant, a professional lesbian from Toronto
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Russian state TV tells viewers to be ready to die when the missiles start flying
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Florida Republicans "failed to notice an obscure provision in state law that says the state could not do what legislators were doing" and it could cost Florida around $1 billion. How shocking they didn't think this through
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He-man Golfer's Club
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| Wed April 27, 2022 |
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New NASA map shows the actual number of wildfires burning across the United States right now and HOLY SMOKES THE EAST COAST IS GONE, MAN. IT'S GONE. Also, sucks to be you, eastern Kansas. I mean, more than normal, even
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Minneapolis: we've investigated ourselves, and found out we might be racist
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Florida cut out teacher bonuses to a county for defying the Governor on school mask opt-outs. One parent is trying to give them bonuses anyhow
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South American penis snakes discovered in Florida. Aren't there already enough dicks in that state?
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Asteroid threatens Earth for describing its size in Empire State Building units
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The Mouse responds to the jackass
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The Mouse responds to the jackass
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The changing of the seasons is a special time in California, witness the withering pageantry and the dry spectacle of the drought solstice
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Member of Michigan's Republican State Committee resigns, saying the party elections were a test of "who is most cravenly loyal" to TFG. Tag is because he didn't figure it out sooner
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Guy who liked to cosplay being a Homeland Security agent winds up behind bars after the neighbors shoot his federal K-9, who was being cosplayed by a fox
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Old and busted: Escape from New York. New hotness: Escape from New Jersey despite the quality of life there
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| Fri April 22, 2022 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Lael Wilcox just set the Men's and Women's course record on the Arizona trail. However, it won't be recognized because it was documented and proven by her photojournalist wife
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He actually did it. DeSantis actually did it
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"We felt like Native issues were being both misunderstood and overlooked at the state level, even by voting rights advocates because our populations can be small"
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Texas Governor Greg Abbott increasing inspections of commercial trucks entering from Mexico found zero drugs, migrants, but costs the citizens of Texas $4.2 billion
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Nebraska has the most efficient Covid strategy in the US
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Wave-particle duality may be a better model for how the brain processes informatioin. I drink, therefore I am unsure what this means
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Let's look at how climate change has made things hotter since the first Earth Day
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Atheist Florida Man acting under Chapter 2022-21 petitions eight FL school districts to ban the Christian Bible from classrooms and libraries, citing age inappropriateness, social-emotional learning, mentions of bestiality and rape, and "wokeness"
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New Talking Point : Drag shows on a state campus alienate Conservatives and should be banned in the name of....wait for it.....inclusion. Ben Shapiro appearing there in 5 days still ok
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David Perdue has managed to reach a "lies per campaign ad" ratio that the GOP had previously viewed as only theoretically possible
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Lordy there are more McCarthy tapes. This time, McCarthy stated "He (Trump) told me he does have some responsibility for what happened"
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Old and still not busted: Mark Meadows was registered to vote in two states. The new corruptness: Mark Meadows was registered to vote in three states
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If you value a women's right to have an abortion do not visit these eight states, they don't value it
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She's right, you know
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Everything looks legal to me, says Milque about Toast
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| Tue April 19, 2022 |
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For the rare A.J. sports tab trifecta - Former Covington Catholic QB A.J. Mayer transfers from Miami to Arkansas State
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That's a bold statement. Gonna need some intensive hands-on research
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Michigan state senator Aric Nesbitt (R-ubbish) mysteriously decides to block recycling legislation after getting $30,000 from landfill owners
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| (the Capitolist) |
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Property insurance companies rapidly disappearing in Florida, leaving the state government funding the insurance company of last resort. This should go well
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After being the target of fundraising emails labeling her a groomer who sexualizes children, Dem State Senator responds with a fire and brimstone speech
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In a sign that the sanctions are stopping the flow of Russian money to their internet trolls, QAnon's Russian chapter goes rogue, turns on Putin, and is now supporting Ukraine; while warning of Russian deep state propaganda online
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Texas to sideline State Troopers who are considered overweight, which could mean all of them
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One in 20 heart attacks in NJ caused by noise pollution. Other 19 reportedly caused by close calls with Jersey drivers
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The race for the GOP nomination for Senator in PA is going to come down to a carpetbagging millionaire snake oil salesman and a carpetbagging millionaire hedge fund executive. Unless the carpetbagging millionaire real estate mogul plays spoiler
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Russian State TV propagandist threatens nuclear attacks on West
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Governor Kay Ivey (R-AL): "Alabama way of life" will not drive away business. So long as they don't employ people of color, LGBTQ+, or those who don't worship Jesus
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Buried lede on this one hit wonder backstory is Ry Cooder's devastatingly understated slide guitar keeping Randy Newman's composition funky and fine
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Governor DeathSentence has raised over $100-million for his Presidential ... I mean, his re-election run
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But, now how many residents have windmill cancer?
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| Mon April 18, 2022 |
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These are the seven greenest, and least greenest, U.S. states. Yeah, it seems to correlate with their politics
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NJ Governor open to banning off-duty N.J. cops from consuming weed after some state lawmakers realize that police mellowing out after work would be bad for somebody
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Next time you are having a heart attack, call Dr. Judge because she knows more about public health than anyone
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| (Some Guy) |
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After years of craptastic acts like jug bands, one-armed high school fiddle players, and Toby Keith, the Missouri State Fair finally decides to bring in a quality band. Well, two-thirds of one. It's a start
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Please state the nature of your medical emergency. Next project: hot warp 10 salamander sex
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently Kim Kardashian is one of the few people on Earth who likes to go to Staten Island
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Woke crusaders in the state of idiocy want to target math textbooks next
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Don't worry. In 3 days they'll be back
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Can Okada & YOH get a statement win over Naito & Hiromu? Will the House Of Torture shove G.O.D., Tanahashi in an iron maiden? Does LIJ know TAKA IS COMING, Motherfarkers? GOLDEN FIGHT SERIES starts @ 5:00 AM ET on NJPWWorld.com, the King of Sports
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According to Russian state television the reason Russia is failing is because they are fighting the entirety of NATO, not because they underestimated Ukraine
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Sergeant Miles arrested over January 6th insurrection. Maybe he was just there to deliver a pizza or fix the cable
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Southern state celebrates failed insurrection. No, not that one. No, not that one either
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| Tue April 12, 2022 |
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"So I stood up and told that principal feller, only letters I need to know are C,S and A" coming soon to an Arizona school near you
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"Montanan" Ryan Zinke, who quit job as state's lone Congressman for better grifting opportunities as Trump's Interior secretary, runs for Congress again. Bonus: still living in Santa Barbara, California, still wearing his cowboy hat ass-backwards
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It took a year and a half, but the South Dakota state attorney general and part-time "Crazy Taxi" character Jason Ravnsborg has finally been impeached with state Senate trial pending
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Vladimir Putin has police remove journalists from press conference. Did I say Putin? I meant Florida Governor Ron Desantis
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NASA's Hubble Space Telescope has determined the size of the largest icy comet nucleus ever seen by astronomers. The estimated diameter is approximately 80 miles across, making it larger than the state of Rhode Island. No word yet on how many football fields or half-giraffes
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| (Some Wildcat) |
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The White House, the Energy Secretary, state governors, the Fed, and high oil commodity prices have all told US companies they must produce more oil from the ground. So why haven't they? TL;DR: "Investor pressure to maintain capital discipline"
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On this day in history, in 1861, the War of Northern Aggression began with Confederate forces attacking a Union fort
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If Republicans take control, prepare to lose rights (unless you're a straight white male)
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If Republicans take control, prepare to lose rights (unless you're a straight white male)
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