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headlines found matching 'Sheriff'

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Sun July 05, 2020
		Runaway teen located in Drain source: kcby.com \| share:	34

Sat July 04, 2020
		Who had "giant rock slide" on their 2020 bingo card? source: kxly.com \| share:	41

Fri July 03, 2020
		Rural Oregon sheriff knew church was holding services prior to COVID outbreak, still won't fine pastor as that would be "divisive" source: oregonlive.com \| share:	44

Thu July 02, 2020
		Quis custodiet ipsos custodes source: oregonlive.com \| share:	48
		Florida Sheriff will deputize Florida man if people exercise their first amendment source: nypost.com \| share:	108
		Florida Sheriff will deputize Florida man if people exercise their first amendment source: nypost.com \| share:	108

Wed July 01, 2020
		Thelma arrested after car chase. Police still searching for Louise source: nbcnews.com \| share:	10
		When the Darwin Awards, "Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes" and Florida all cross the streams source: news-journalonline.com \| share:	26

Tue June 30, 2020
		I guess she did nazi him pointing the rifle at her source: fox4kc.com \| share:	281

Mon June 29, 2020
		Today's episode of Sesame Street is brought to you by the letters D, U, and I source: komonews.com \| share:	20

Sat June 27, 2020
		Louisville Metro government: We are cutting library funding by $750k. Sheriff: Check out our sweet new boat source: wdrb.com \| share:	90

Fri June 26, 2020
		1-year-old kid in a kennel inside a trailer home. With 8 snakes including a 10-foot boa constrictor. AND 150 to 200 mice. AND 15-20 dogs. AND thousands of roaches and maggots. No, not a double-wide, or Florida source: wkrn.com \| share:	59
		1-year-old kid in a kennel inside a trailer home. With 8 snakes including a 10-foot boa constrictor. AND 150 to 200 mice. AND 15-20 dogs. AND thousands of roaches and maggots. No, not a double-wide, or Florida source: wkrn.com \| share:	59
		Cops find it odd that suicide victim washed blood off her hands, wiped fingerprints off of gun and then placed gun on her left side even though she was right handed source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	51

Thu June 25, 2020
		Sheriff tells crowd, "don't be a sheep" about wearing face masks. What ever happened to "Protect and Serve"? source: kiro7.com \| share:	114
		The police wouldn't say why he was being arrested, only showing him a piece of paper with his photo and the words "felony warrant" and "larceny" source: msn.com \| share:	111

Wed June 24, 2020
		Pro tip: There are not many hiding places in a horse trailer source: kstp.com \| share:	19
		If police de-escalation techniques aren't Scottish, they're CRAP source: nbcnews.com \| share:	52
		Sad: You are a sheriff's deputy killed in the line of duty. Sadder: You are killed by an active duty Air Force member in an ambush. Saddest: Your protest signs were written by a Fark headline submitter source: military.com \| share:	18
		If only there were some way to know why Sean Hannity is concerned about these men exercising their 2nd Amendment rights. If only source: foxnews.com \| share:	47

Tue June 23, 2020
		Ramsey County correctional officers file discrimination charges after being judged "not white enough to guard Derek Chauvin" source: npr.org \| share:	58
		Ramsey County correctional officers file discrimination charges after being judged "not white enough to guard Derek Chauvin" source: npr.org \| share:	58
		Systemic: sys·tem·ic /səˈstemik/ 1) relating to a system, especially as opposed to a particular part source: npr.org \| share:	16
		Systemic: sys·tem·ic /səˈstemik/ 1) relating to a system, especially as opposed to a particular part source: npr.org \| share:	16
		"The sheriff's office said several videos showed Adkins in a car pointing guns at passing cars." Or as they say in Florida, 'Monday' source: wptv.com \| share:	20
		With police around the nation under a spotlight for excessive use of force, the Los Angeles Sheriffs Dept. wonders, "How can we make the shooting death of a security guard more controversial?" How about a security hold on the autopsy and a curfew? source: ktla.com \| share:	54
		WWE's very own stalker arrested once more for trespassing. When this guy comes back and shoots the place up no one is gonna be surprised source: wrestlinginc.com \| share:	8

Mon June 22, 2020
		If there was a season two of Firefly, Shepherd Book would have talked about the Special Hell for the people who stole six baby goats from an ice cream shop source: kiro7.com \| share:	28
		K-9 units find Blow in the woods after high speed chase source: wcax.com \| share:	13

Sun June 21, 2020
		Black Lives Matter sign in Thousand Oaks vandalized multiple times. Owner installs camera, and discovers one man works for the Ventura County Sheriff's Office, another for the D.A.'s office source: ktla.com \| share:	160

Sat June 20, 2020
		Man dies of acute intoxication while in police custody, but not in the same way most Farkers would die of acute intoxication while in police custody source: patch.com \| share:	62
		Let's look at all the police reforms that have taken effect since the police-sanctioned murder of George Floyd source: axios.com \| share:	75

Fri June 19, 2020
		LASD shoot and kill a second black man in two days. This time a security guard who ran away when he saw two people point a gun at him source: losangeles.cbslocal.com \| share:	220
		Canadian man tows a hot tub on a homemade wooden cart with a Porsche, No word if he apologized for owning a Porsche source: nbc4i.com \| share:	52

Thu June 18, 2020
		You remember Robert Fuller? One of the five black men last week who 'committed suicide' by hanging themselves from a tree in public? Yeah, deputies just killed his half brother. Bonus: They nearly killed the woman he supposedly kidnapped source: abc7.com \| share:	182
		Arrest warrant issued for man who punched BLM protestor's head in Bethel, Ohio. Unclear why his head was in Bethel source: wlwt.com \| share:	48
		Tulsa mayor, who is apparently the former mayor from Jaws, says turning away Trump would be wrong as officials announce highest COVID-19 spike yet source: kfor.com \| share:	46

Wed June 17, 2020
		Black Sheriff says shooting of Rayshod Brooks was justified. I know what you're thinking, and while it may have worked on Blazing Saddles, it most certainly isn't working here source: krdo.com \| share:	152
		Where is the missing 'Tiger King' millionaire? Investigators are on the case source: tampabay.com \| share:	54

Tue June 16, 2020
		Defood the police source: coconuts.co \| share:	10
		Okay maybe we should look into this instead of just declaring it a suicide and going out for drinks source: thehill.com \| share:	78

Mon June 15, 2020
		Endtimes Chapter 4, verse 166: Persecution of the Hawaii Antiquarantine Cult commences source: sfgate.com \| share:	21

Sun June 14, 2020
		Fun fact: In fiscal year 2019, police misconduct in US cities cost taxpayers over $300 million in lawsuit settlements source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	76
		The suspicious hanging death of Robert Fuller in Palmdale has now gotten people looking into the case of another black man who was found hanged a couple weeks ago just 45 miles away source: fox40.com \| share:	105
		Do you have a favorite theme from a fighting video game? source: fark.com \| share:	46
		What if we toss the Sheriff in jail overnight, give him an arrest record, and let him pay a few grand for a lawyer? source: nbcnews.com \| share:	138
		What if we toss the Sheriff in jail overnight, give him an arrest record, and let him pay a few grand for a lawyer? source: nbcnews.com \| share:	138
		If JFK faked his death, COVID-19 is manmade and your neighbors are spies, then the cops are clearly in on it, so you had better broadcast on Facebook Live while they chase you and your minivan of kids through two states source: masslive.com \| share:	55

Thu June 11, 2020
(Some Guy)		Behold the shiatty power of social media source: mymcmedia.org \| share:	64
		Georgia Sheriff posts a meme asking if the U.S. could start 'hanging traitors', finds out that yes, that was wrong and he wasn't supposed to do that source: vice.com \| share:	79
		Whoever had escaped alligators on the loose in Kansas in your 2020 disaster pool, come collect your prize source: ksn.com \| share:	36
		Listen, black guy, we obviously pulled you over because of your driving 65 in a 70 zone. Obviously you were thinking about speeding or maybe joining a BLM protest source: boingboing.net \| share:	141
		"Trump will try again Thursday when he holds a meeting on race relations and policing in Dallas, where he's traveling for a fundraiser. However... the city's police chief, county sheriff and DA - all of whom are black - were not invited to attend" source: apnews.com \| share:	79

Wed June 10, 2020
		"Live PD" producers admit they DID have footage, from multiple camera angles, in glorious HD, of TX cops tasing a man to death after pulling him over for a headlight infraction, but they..err ..destroyed it because who would want to see THAT? source: usatoday.com \| share:	93

Tue June 09, 2020
		Texas man was tased to death by cops after pleading he couldn't breathe after cops pulled him over for failing to dim his high-beams. Wonder if presence of the A&E "Live PD" film crew, MIGHT have played a role in the cops hyper-aggressive response? source: azfamily.com \| share:	128
		Tired of reading about bad white cops being who we thought they were? How about a change of scenery. Difficulty: you don't get to make fun of Camden NJ anymore source: finance.yahoo.com \| share:	72

Mon June 08, 2020
		Minnesota State police, Anoka County sheriffs: we slashed the tires on the parked cars because they were threatening to us source: startribune.com \| share:	148
		Today's Slatesplanation: What does it mean to be a good cop? source: slate.com \| share:	48
		Officer #1 has an epiphany, asks Hans the obvious question source: ktla.com \| share:	91

Sat June 06, 2020
		Find out what your local agency received from the Department of Defense source: themarshallproject.org \| share:	177
(1230WFVA)		"Orange man arrested for making online threats to protesters" source: newstalk1230.net \| share:	75

Fri June 05, 2020
		Unarmed, handcuffed black man killed by officers after yelling, "I can't breathe" Difficulty: no, not him. Not him, either source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	75
		We all know "Deliverance" was a movie. What my reality presupposes is...what if it wasn't? source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	81
		In today's rife-torn world, it's nice to read a story about a union banding together to support an embattled memb... aw crap source: wtop.com \| share:	46
		Raleigh Police open fire on gay bar against Black Lives Matter Protesters who were INSIDE the parking lot source: pinknews.co.uk \| share:	144

Thu June 04, 2020
		Louisville mayor calls for review of police department, apparently angling for that five star 'Would be beaten again' recommendation on Yelp source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	19
		"And if there's a police officer in the city of Tampa that does not want a body-worn camera, then I suggest that you turn your badge in. Because we cannot have that anymore. It has changed" source: baynews9.com \| share:	69
(8 Can't Wait)		Eight changes to policing which need to be made immediately. Find your city on the list, see what's missing, call your Mayor and demand change source: 8cantwait.org \| share:	108
		White House caught posting debunked videos supposedly showing Antifa instigation of riots, Emmanuel Goldstein kicking puppies source: theintercept.com \| share:	31
		Not satisfied with sitting on the sidelines, Joliet Mayor Bob O'Dekirk takes on a protestor himself source: chicago.suntimes.com \| share:	28
		Citizens: Our facebooks and twitters have told us we're all going to be attacked and looted. Sheriff: ( paraphrasing ) you're all idiots. Reality: one man arrested for threatening peaceful protestors source: sacramento.cbslocal.com \| share:	49
		Well if nothing else, maybe George Floyd can get the last laugh by giving Derek Chauvin coronavirus source: nydailynews.com \| share:	86

Wed June 03, 2020
		The "Tiger King" plot thickens: Handwriting experts say the Will of Carole Baskin's husband was forged source: nypost.com \| share:	56
		Philly police: we used tear gas on the protestors on the highway because the crowd turned hostile. Video: umm... Where? source: whyy.org \| share:	85

Mon June 01, 2020
		Followup about Cincinnati area Sheriff raising the Thin Blue Line flag. We did it because someone stole the American flag and we totes don't have spares anywhere source: cincinnati.com \| share:	78
		Another collection of videos showing America's police force deescalating tensions at protests around the country source: theverge.com \| share:	303

Sun May 31, 2020
		Man arrested for fatal stabbing at Escondido Burger King, with 'yeah, he did it' mugshot source: 10news.com \| share:	68
		Sunday night civil unrest thread. LGT cities with curfews source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	2413
		Genesee County Sheriff lays down baton and joins march protesting police brutality. "You tell us what you need to do." This is how you effectively police your community source: wxyz.com \| share:	221

Fri May 29, 2020
		CNN camera crew arrested on live TV in Minneapolis. They were standing where they were instructed to. The area was secured. UPDATE: They've been released source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	404

Thu May 28, 2020
		Police say a man brought guns and lots of ammo to Centennial Bridge in Leavenworth KS with the intent to inflict mass casualties by firing randomly at passing cars. Fortunately, an alert soldier remembered the old military adage: "Car beats gun" source: usatoday.com \| share:	56

Wed May 27, 2020
		Incompetent sheriff, who was forced to hire someone to run his jail for him, demands the right to change the resulting "jail utopia" back into the drug fueled, violent hellhole it's supposed to be source: nola.com \| share:	42
		Florida Man, in the foyer, with the handgun source: foxnews.com \| share:	43

Tue May 26, 2020
		In a tale right out of CSI Idiocracy: Lawbreaking elected constables arrest FBI agent investigating them. Later one of the constables shoots at FBI agents arresting him, gets shot, arrested source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	39
		Christian teacher charged with soliciting male prostitute after claiming black men kidnapped him. Fred Garvin shocked source: metroweekly.com \| share:	43

Mon May 25, 2020
		Things you can catch at a party: 1) COVID-19; 2) lead poisoning source: foxnews.com \| share:	20
		In the time of COVID-19, Florida people do Memorial Day weekend as you expect Florida people to do source: fox29.com \| share:	33

Sun May 24, 2020
		Florida Man charged after runaway toddler seen on highway. That's no laughing matter, you gotta chain those suckers down or someone could get hurt source: clickorlando.com \| share:	35
		Wanna watch a Sheriff get arrested after refusing to cooperate with a search warrant and forcing a SWAT standoff (including snipers) of the Sheriffs HQ by several neighboring departments? Almost Florida level fun source: youtube.com \| share:	96

Wed May 20, 2020
		Owner of 'Mirror Bus' arrested for stalking, harassment, suspicion of being a member of the notorious Champion City gang, the Red Eyes source: keyt.com \| share:	10
		3,000 partygoers at Florida block party claim it was racially targeted by authorities, not just full of stupid partygoers source: 9news.com.au \| share:	47

Tue May 19, 2020
		Woman's desire to go topless outside her home has unintended consequence of raising neighborhood property values source: tcpalm.com \| share:	59

Mon May 18, 2020
		The ocean stole Shad Gaspard of Cryme Tyme source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	6
		Man angry about virus closure attacks couple. To be fair, a good sense of closure is hard to come by these days source: aol.com \| share:	25

Sat May 16, 2020
		PSA: When the three year old asks to pet you and your wife's dog, you should just keep walking, unless you really want to be arrested for attempted kidnapping, perp-walked on the evening news, and run out of the town that you were born and raised in source: news4sanantonio.com \| share:	102
		All these crazy alien creatures in Star Wars, The Mandalorian decides to add an Olyphant source: hollywoodreporter.com \| share:	75

Fri May 15, 2020
		Officer please, you know it's hot out here. I just wanted to go for a drive and air my penis out source: bustedcoverage.com \| share:	37
		"A grandmother of eight, Washington City resident Rebecca 'Becky' Collet says she was surprised when she walked into her kitchen Tuesday morning and saw a man she didn't know wearing nothing but boxers and socks and eating food from her fridge" source: abc4.com \| share:	21
		The NFL has been a little slow on felony arrests lately, but DeAndre Baker of the Giants and Quinton Dunbar of the Seahawks just made up a lot of ground source: nydailynews.com \| share:	16

Thu May 14, 2020
		Suddenly, another semi source: yahoo.com \| share:	38
		North Carolina Christian leaders are demanding Governor Cooper allow their followers the freedom to catch the coronavirus source: wral.com \| share:	66

Wed May 13, 2020
		Man breaks into home, takes bath, does not make a clean getaway source: fox40.com \| share:	5
		"Come on man, what are you thinking?" Sheriff Judd said. "Were your three brain cells in overload? Why don't you just let it go? Get you a bottle of liquor, go back to the house, have you a drink. But no, they had to have a kerfuffle right there" source: wfla.com \| share:	46
		Oh, here's something that might explain why the first two DAs were so very hesitant to press charges against Ahmaud Arbery's killers: one of them worked at the office for years without proper certification. Or the power to arrest people source: news4jax.com \| share:	91

Mon May 11, 2020
		The worm turns and anger builds in the Midwest source: amp.theguardian.com \| share:	134
		What's more impressive, getting pulled over twice for speeding in 13 minutes or a Honda Pilot can go 111 mph? source: unionleader.com \| share:	74

Sun May 10, 2020
		Sheriff believes deputies who took pictures of dead bodies at Kobe Bryant crash site deleted the pics, because they said they did. Also it appears that sharing pics of dead bodies at bars isn't as good at getting you laid as cops thought it would be source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	98
		Who was that masked nazi? source: timesofsandiego.com \| share:	168

Sat May 09, 2020
		Vigilante mob thinks it's the 1920s again source: portcitydaily.com \| share:	122

Fri May 08, 2020
		California sheriff decides to go rogue in support of the virus source: thehill.com \| share:	112

Thu May 07, 2020
		"I guess I won't do this again." As last words go, that's not bad. Tag for the deceased source: msn.com \| share:	89

Wed May 06, 2020
		Criminal mastermind escapes from Cook County Jail by means of a cunning ruse whereby he pretended to be another inmate who was set to be released and donned an elaborate disguise...well, okay, a hoodie and a facemask source: chicago.suntimes.com \| share:	13

Tue May 05, 2020
		Texas will have none of your Branch Dildonian behavior source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	167

Mon May 04, 2020
		It was just horseplay. He was coming right at him. He was cleaning it and it accidentally went off. I'll wait until I hear the other side source: cnn.com \| share:	72
		Another thing black people can't do without getting shot: Jogging source: cnn.com \| share:	81
		California man arrested and released three times in a day due to coronavirus restrictions. (w/why are you even bothering mugshot) source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	40

Sun May 03, 2020
		When I was just a baby, my Mama told me, "Son, always be a good boy. Don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Philly, just to watch him die. And now I'm the sheriff, and people hue and cry source: local10.com \| share:	44

Sat May 02, 2020
		Arizona sheriffs refuse to enforce stay-at-home orders issued by Arizona governor. Difficulty: All are Republicans source: azfamily.com \| share:	108
		Arizona sheriffs refuse to enforce stay-at-home orders issued by Arizona governor. Difficulty: All are Republicans source: azfamily.com \| share:	108

Fri May 01, 2020
		Don't judge someone based upon their looks...except this guy source: foxnews.com \| share:	81

Thu April 30, 2020
		Sheriff fires Deputy because she is a lesbian. She runs for sheriff's job. Meet the new sheriff. UltraFark: Landslide win source: lgbtqnation.com \| share:	77
		Mugshot happiness: Still has a smile on her face after being arrested for fleeing deputy who clocked her at 107 in a 45 zone -- but she did slow down 50 in a neighborhood before stopping at her house source: winknews.com \| share:	30

Wed April 29, 2020
		You had one job source: 9news.com \| share:	33
(Craig Scott, Marty)		Ginger snaps source: nwestiowa.com \| share:	21
		Private First Class Neiro of the First Imaginary Army of Florida Men taken down by K9 after refusing to step away from his dropped firearm. No word on whether he could distinguish between his rifle and his gun source: clickorlando.com \| share:	37

Tue April 28, 2020
		Three crimes in one day? Those are rookie numbers source: wtsp.com \| share:	22

Mon April 27, 2020
		Florida Man arrested for murder after police find body in suitcase, proving once again that if you want to embark on a life of crime, you should get rid of your baggage first source: wftv.com \| share:	21
		Successful shooting won't spare you from being cut by Tulane Basketball team source: espn.com \| share:	4

Sun April 26, 2020
		While white people waving Confederate flags protesting stay-at-home orders are free to block ambulances, black people get riot police called on them for having an outdoor birthday party for a 1 year old source: nbcnews.com \| share:	210

Sat April 25, 2020
		Not News: Warnings of Road Rage in Florida. Fark: from gators source: news4jax.com \| share:	26
		As Jacksonville moves to retake the crown as The Murder Capital of Florida, the Sheriff talks to a reporter in what sounds like a scene from The Wire source: jacksonville.com \| share:	37

Fri April 24, 2020
		Man armed with a large sword, nunchucks, and a butcher's knife decides his best weapon is saliva that may or may not contain coronavirus source: abc17news.com \| share:	13
		Police investigate girl's 'Help' sign on window; the solution adds up source: fox13news.com \| share:	18

Thu April 23, 2020
		Actual headline: "'Confused' driver threw large amount of money out window on Northern Michigan road." I assume 'confused' is a synonym for drunk, senile, or bat-shiat crazy source: mlive.com \| share:	24
		Pro Tip: If you've successfully gotten away with murder for 24 years, don't leave pieces of evidence lying around your house for police to find a couple decades later source: cnn.com \| share:	51

Wed April 22, 2020
		San Francisco woman likes to get drunk and make prank calls to police in Ohio, because why tie up local resources? source: cleveland.com \| share:	16

Tue April 21, 2020
		Journalist Jeff Weiner reports Austin Gillespie aka Augutus Sol Invictus ordered his wife to bring their kids to Dickson Azalea Park ― "or else." What a cock source: orlandosentinel.com \| share:	40
		Street parties, virus loads, have exploded in St. Louis City and County source: fox2now.com \| share:	45
		Sheriff files charges after Amish hold large party despite isolation order. "There was one that was too intoxicated to run and that person had to be transported by ambulance. " source: fox8.com \| share:	55
		Sheriff files charges after Amish hold large party despite isolation order. "There was one that was too intoxicated to run and that person had to be transported by ambulance. " source: fox8.com \| share:	55

Sat April 18, 2020
		Teenager? Check. Posting about her probable COVID-19 infection on Instagram? Check. Local Sheriff threatening to arrest her if she doesn't delete it? Check. First Amendment? Nope, not for you, little girl source: reason.com \| share:	126

Fri April 17, 2020
		KY legislator has had up to here with these G--D deputies and their DUI stops, guess the Party, and his Fark handle source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	47

Thu April 16, 2020
		Paper mill in small town of Jay, ME suffers massive explosion. No injuries, but plenty of onlookers sheet themselves (NSFW language video goodness in TFA) source: nbcnews.com \| share:	39

Wed April 15, 2020
		Note to Self: When driving around with an active warrant, drugs, a gun and 4 kids in your car don't start a high speed chase with State Troopers source: ajc.com \| share:	32
		When they say don't even think about going outside, they mean don't even think about going outside source: independent.co.uk \| share:	35

Mon April 13, 2020
		Protip: It's important to pay attention if you're operating a ski lift source: denverpost.com \| share:	40
		Is this America's first justifiable drive-by shooting? Hmm. Hmmmm source: sfgate.com \| share:	68

Sun April 12, 2020
		Home invader pulls out a knife, homeowner pulls out a chainsaw. It is the way of the Yoopers source: uppermichiganssource.com \| share:	113
		Police chief on administrative leave after berating officers over COVID-19 concerns, claiming deputy sheriff died from virus because he was "homosexual who attended homosexual 'sexual' events" source: local10.com \| share:	63

Fri April 10, 2020
		Mike Huckabee files federal lawsuit against Sheriff and County keeping him off his private beach. No world yet on his beach attire source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	94

Thu April 09, 2020
		Look out, here comes the Spiderman source: sacramento.cbslocal.com \| share:	17

Wed April 08, 2020
		Florida Man sets up front-yard wrestling ring for pandemic matches. Police respond source: tampabay.com \| share:	11
(KJAS)		In lieu of a big beautiful wall to paid be somebody else Texas installs checkpoints on their border with ... Louisiana? source: kjas.com \| share:	32

Tue April 07, 2020
		A woman and her 61-year-old father were hit in the head with a baseball bat after approaching a large group of college-age people and warning them about social distancing. It's the Florida way source: nydailynews.com \| share:	79
		Oklahoma sheriff: If you're not going to stay away from crowds, "Get yours and your kids' burial policy paid up" source: kfor.com \| share:	22

Mon April 06, 2020
		Illinois man conducts clinical trial of high-velocity lead injection to treat COVID-19. While effective at halting the chain of transmission, study halted at n=2 due to undesirable side effects source: nbcnews.com \| share:	65
		Local officials pleaded with a Tampa pastor to close his church, he scoffed at him. The local sheriff arrested him, he remained defiant. Then a higher power got involved and forced him to shut down. God? No, his insurance carrier source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com \| share:	59
		Local officials pleaded with a Tampa pastor to close his church, he scoffed at him. The local sheriff arrested him, he remained defiant. Then a higher power got involved and forced him to shut down. God? No, his insurance carrier source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com \| share:	59

Sun April 05, 2020
		Gators are pretty nasty already, and now they have drugs and guns? source: abcactionnews.com \| share:	29

Fri April 03, 2020
		"Watchmen" proving more prophetic than usual source: latimes.com \| share:	44
		Paddleboarder arrested at Malibu Pier for flouting state stay at home order, with video goodness of boat chase and arrest source: ktla.com \| share:	52

Thu April 02, 2020
		Snitches don't get coronavirus itches (at least it rhymes) source: apnews.com \| share:	27

Wed April 01, 2020
		Today's Mad Libs headline: "Hempfield bicyclist with history of petty crimes charged with throwing traffic cone into creek" source: triblive.com \| share:	11

Tue March 31, 2020
		Sheriff commits resources to solving 'Tiger King' missing millionaire case source: tampabay.com \| share:	36
		Sheriff commits resources to solving 'Tiger King' missing millionaire case source: tampabay.com \| share:	36
		They're planning to start arresting Christians in Florida source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	78
		They're planning to start arresting Christians in Florida source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	78

Mon March 30, 2020
		'I shot the sheriff, but I didn't cough on the deputy' source: wfla.com \| share:	14
		God releases statement supporting Florida sheriff, condemning idiot pastor source: inquisitr.com \| share:	75
		In an apparent attempt to top the list of coronavirus WTFery, drivers in CO are being pulled over by police imposters who are questioning them for being out during quarantine source: kdvr.com \| share:	57
		Deputies investigate Florida church for acting like it's in Florida source: wfla.com \| share:	39
		Group of armed vigilantes in a Maine island town cut down tree to block in three workers from New Jersey who have been living on the island for over a month to work on a construction project. Sadly this is real life, not a Stephen King novel source: fox8.com \| share:	102

Sun March 29, 2020
(Some Mayoral Guy)		Nobody: Do you know who I am? Clerk: No, but I know who you're not source: clayconews.com \| share:	30

Fri March 27, 2020
		Today's Corona-cabin fever domestic dispute has a little bit of everything. Five kids, two idiot parents, one shot fired, one panic attack, a "Come at me bro", one bitten deputy sheriff, one pepper sprayed dog, and a "Do you know who I am?" source: pjstar.com \| share:	35

Thu March 26, 2020
		They can take our freedom, but they can never take our lesbian cheerleader porn. Wait, they can? Well, Fark source: myjournalcourier.com \| share:	57
		Most doctors agree that shooting yourself in the groin does not protect against the virus, though it will get room at a crowded hospital source: mlive.com \| share:	9

Wed March 25, 2020
		Somebody called the cops on an adult boutique that was offering curbside service during Illinois' coronavirus shutdown source: pjstar.com \| share:	44
		Police reportedly ticketed her for a mooooving violation source: upi.com \| share:	9
		Buried treasure 4, living treasure hunters 0 source: denverpost.com \| share:	40

Tue March 24, 2020
		LA County Sheriff orders gun stores to close during coronavirus pandemic. Isn't this how the second episode of Fear the Walking Dead started? source: foxla.com \| share:	34

Sun March 22, 2020
		When bringing an inmate into a jail intake area, make sure his cuffs are tight. Also make sure he doesn't have a gun source: clickorlando.com \| share:	23

Sat March 21, 2020
		In today's panic news, a Maserati-driving robber tries to knock over a local discount grocery store for paper towels source: sacramento.cbslocal.com \| share:	19

Fri March 20, 2020
		Man who faked having coronavirus complete with fake doctor's letter and got his company shut down for five days now faces charges that will isolate him for far longer source: wspa.com \| share:	16

Wed March 18, 2020
		US citizens, let's not freak out about the coronavirus-induced martial law just yet. YET source: theoutline.com \| share:	31

Tue March 17, 2020
		Please stop criming source: thehill.com \| share:	43

Mon March 16, 2020
		Sparkly former Sheriff David Clarke (R-eally suspicious jail cell deaths) removed from twitter for spreading coronavirus rumors. One checkmark away from VIP room in hell source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	66
		Not news: Police shoot and kill man with no criminal record. Still not news: Attempt to justify it by claiming he "confronted" them. Fark: He was asleep in bed at the time source: apnews.com \| share:	134
		News: Road rage incident. Fark: Subby carpooled with this guy for a few months back in the 90s source: wjactv.com \| share:	40
		Former Milwaukee County Sheriff and devoted "flair" wearer, Dave Clarke, is literally now trying to get Trump supporters to kill themselves by doing the exact opposite of what every public health official in the world is begging them to do source: twitter.com \| share:	168

Sun March 15, 2020
		Lorenzo Brino on his way to seventh heaven source: usatoday.com \| share:	15

Sat March 14, 2020
		If you're going to drunk drive in a cement mixer try not to run over the sheriff's deputy source: komonews.com \| share:	14

Fri March 13, 2020
		California deputies remind shoppers not to call 911 over line-cutting, it's Lord of the Flies for that guy trying to escape from Sam's Club with the last roll of toilet paper source: ktla.com \| share:	19

Thu March 12, 2020
		Florida man uses rectum to kill one, sicken five source: tampabay.com \| share:	9
		World's happiest DUI suspect performs song and dance routine during field-sobriety test, shows off nipple rings to arresting officer source: pjstar.com \| share:	27

Wed March 11, 2020
		If you were missing your daily dose of mentally deranged conspiracies today, "Sheriff" Clarke has some good news for you source: twitter.com \| share:	66

Tue March 10, 2020
		What do you mean this isn't a drive-thru liquor store? source: wlfi.com \| share:	10

Mon March 09, 2020
		For sale: used pickup truck, low miles. Motivated seller, owner secretly murdered. $200 obo source: fox6now.com \| share:	22
		For sale: used pickup truck, low miles. Motivated seller, owner secretly murdered. $200 obo source: fox6now.com \| share:	22
		Looking for a punchline: Two men and a dog crash a plane into a tree source: news4jax.com \| share:	36

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