headlines found matching 'Rat' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Mon March 20, 2023 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Latest excuse for a bad movie bombing at the box office: WB deliberately made it fail
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What about job implications? If I call in sick tomorrow, will my boss accept that I over-celebrated arrest day eve?
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2023's most & least financially literate states: Find out where your dumbarse state ranks. Arkansas, just go sit in a corner
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"Abbott Laboratories has recalled certain baby formula products over faulty bottle caps." No word on what they'e doing with uncertain baby formula
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Governor Puddin' Fingers' own undercover cops couldn't find anything wrong with drag show they infiltrated back in December in effort to yank venue's liquor license
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Newsmax guest says this indictment thing will all blow over because Trump just won't show up. Oh, yes, please proceed with that strategy
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Today's Slatesplanation: Why, in the end, it wasn't Trump's attempted coup, his constant bribe-taking from foreign powers, his allegiance to Putin, or his support for Nazis that will result in his indictment, but rather his raw-dogging of a porn star
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The Barkley Marathons regurgitate three of its young
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Jay Powell faces his Kobayashi Maru scenario: Keep raising interest rates to fight inflation for average Americans, or fire up the money cannon to save banks and wealthy Americans. In related news, stock up on cat food while you can
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Demi Moore shows sweet video of Bruce Willis celebrating birthday amid dementia diagnosis
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| (Some Spring-er) |
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March 20 is the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere. It will be official at 5:24 PM ET. Are you finally getting out to enjoy the warmer weather? Do you like this season? What will you do to celebrate? Subby can't wait to not to wear a coat
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Cemetery celebration birthday shooting. No, no I am not drunk
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Instead of welcoming the new employees and investors, UBS execs pull no punches in describing their distaste for Credit Suisse. "You go from having the best run Swiss bank in UBS with a clear strategy, to owning the worst"
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Spring Break begins with traditional celebration of the airing of the bullets
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| Fri March 17, 2023 |
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Farking huge solar event. Scary: This is a repeat of the 1859 Carrington event. Lucked out: Pointed in the opposite direction of Earth. Cool: Still generating auroras
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U.S. maternal death rates rose sharply in 2021, to some of the highest rates ever seen. Gosh, I hope nothing's happened since then that would make things even worse for women's health
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Three points separate nightmare from nightmare
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For the first time in 40 years, Michigan Democrats are in array. And they're rockin' it
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Democrats push a bill that would implore the Supreme Court to televise their oral arguments so that Americans can see them setting the Constitution on fire on live TV
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In Silicon Valley, a boom era feels like it's ending. No wonder -- it's been more than a decade of zero interest rates, no oversight, and no regulation
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Sage advice about what printer to get, presuming you don't want the one from "Inkjet Supply and Hostage Situations Incorporated"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Idaho state Rep holds up Confederate flag for photo-op, shares it online. Husband says he'll sue anyone that posts photo elsewhere
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Congratulations, Peter Thiel. You played yourself
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Carrying 111% of your bank deposits as liabilities on your balance sheet turns out not to be a winning strategy, kind of like deregulating banks after 2008
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Lawmaker who LITERALLY stitched his arm back on while on the battlefield is DEEPLY offended that you would DARE suggest he's a Confederate sympathizer just because he ACCIDENTALLY filed a bill allow state buildings to fly Confederate flags
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Because you will bow to your corporate overlords and thank them when they piss on you. Oh, and capitalism
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Derailed train dumps 3100 gallons of diesel. "Luckily, they tipped over onto the land side of the railroad track berm rather than the shore side"
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| Mon March 13, 2023 |
| (Some Gaming Site Guy) |
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Hogwarts' Legacy serial killer decorates the Room of Requirement with the heads of dead House Elves
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Baboons roll boulder onto hikers before breaking into "Also sprach Zarathustra"
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Take down one statue celebrating one of the most vile, racist, murderous thugs in human history, replace it with a statue honoring one of America's greatest heroes. It's the New Jersey way
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The real reason Russia is throwing so many bodies at Bakhmut, a city with very little strategic relevance? Putin is scared of the Wagner Group's founder's growing political power and wants to kill off as many of his soldiers as possible
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former city council member, removed for prior felony drug convictions, currently on probation for a separate charge, arrested for DUI. He would have turned in his driver's license to the judge, but he forgot to bring it to court. Yes he's running again
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| (Some Guy) |
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The invisible hand of the free market is making itself rather visible today
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"Does anything more really need be said? Sure, maybe a more accurate title would be 'Ninja Vs. Ninja Vs. Ninja Vs. Samurai Vs. Zombies Vs. More Ninjas. Vs. Shark'"
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These kittahs look shopped- Wait, these kittahs look like they OWN the shops
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Half Scoop speculates that the J6 pipe bombs were created by the democrats to ensure that if there wasn't enough "insurrection", this would be covered by the news. So, since no arrests were made, it and the bombs were fake
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Bill Ackman's tears bring him yet billions more in U.S. taxpayer money. Probably plans to buy another Escalade, steak and Lobster with his govt. money in celebration
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UNC would rather throw itself a pity party than play in the NIT. Duke sucks
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Biden Administration expected to approve sweeping new environmental protections for federal lands and waters in Alaska, in penance for greenlighting another sequel to quirky 80's fantasy cult classic
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Texas man takes initial lead in 2023 How Long Can You Live With A Corpse competition
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Act now and get 8.8oz of MGO 1282+ Hand Poured Limited Edition NPA 26+ Manuka Honey for the low low price of $4.97. Oops damn these sticky fingers, that's *$497*. Less than $1000/lb, make that call today Operators are standing by to laugh at you now
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Tucker Carlson's producer accurately sizes up his audience
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| Thu March 09, 2023 |
| (Broke-Ass Stewart) |
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Old man yells at cloud...wait, scratch that...hipster yells at self-driving car
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Pizza Rat is on the Internet, COVID Rat is in your sewers NYC
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Thanks to the Democratic majority in both the State House and Senate, Michigan's abortion ban, which dates back to the 1840s, is one step closer to being repealed
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In the future, our boxes of passports will be placed separate from the boxes of trash to be shredded
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It's Robot Fighting Time - And time is running out for teams on the bubble. Who will make the round of 32 and who will be left behind? Both the headliners are desperate for another win. Whiplash vs Monsoon. 8 PM ET Only on Discovery
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The giant "Scabby the Rat" inflatables are an American icon that has appeared in countless union disputes and is now being sold. By the way, the company did not have a unionized workforce
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In celebration of Pi Day, the Good Claire shows you how to make s'mores pie. S'more of this, please
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The Epic Games Store, a few years ago: "We only offer up high quality, curated titles, unlike that other place that lets pretty much anything through." EGS, today: "Wait, they've been making *how much* letting people self-publish?"
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After lowering the corporate tax rate that was supposed to allow businesses to invest more into their infrastructure, Norfolk Southern's accident rate jumped 80%. So, what happened to all that money?
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Day 379 of WW3. Predicted missile strike has finally arrived, with 30% uninterceptable hypersonics. Meanwhile, Ukraine pleads for 1 million artillery shells in buildup to coming counterattack. Welcome to your Thursday Ukraine thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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Three years after the pandemic began, restaurants are still desperate for workers. It's almost like no one wants to be overworked, underpaid, and exposed to jerks and unsanitary environments
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Aww: 6 generations in one photo. Wow: 103 grandchildren. Yowza: 623 descendants. Oof: Starting at age 15. Kentucky: With a 50 year old husband
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Have researchers created a 'revolutionary' room temperature superconductor?
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| Wed March 08, 2023 |
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Fox News contributor strings up the yarn on his detective cork board that traces the Dominion lawsuit back to... a single democrat on the board of a company that used to own Dominion
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Uber develops airport guides so you can get to the meetup location in time to find the driver has canceled your trip for a more lucrative one quicker
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Despite our desperate attempts to forget it, tonight brings us yet another episode of the lackluster final season of The Flash. I dunno, maybe John Diggle will rescue it or put it out of it's misery. The CW @ 8PM ET
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Will Wardlow get his stolen TNT Title back in time to lose it to Powerhouse Hobbs? Can Jay Lethal beat OC for the AA Title? Does MJF celebrate his Revolution win by throwing another water cup into a kid's face? AEW Dynamite starts @ 8pm ET on TBS
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China's recent saber rattling towards the U.S. might be more for domestic politics than international as China sets lowest GDP growth target in decades
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Out of Touch CEO demonstrates how little he knows his own product or his own customers. How fast will they back track when the backlash hits?
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DeSantis is now against the Blogger Registration bill his lackey wrote for him
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The next-generation sexbot listens to you while you masturbate
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Is a Democrat really the favorite in the Kentucky governor race? Well, he has many advantages: the power of the bully pulpit, sky high name ID, a deep warchest, a genetically enhanced intellect, and experience fighting against the Dominion
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Bank of Canada governor William Wallace orders interest rates to HOOOOOOLD
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MSNBC tries to explain the Florida tag - "If states are the so-called laboratory of American democracy, then Florida is the meth lab of American democracy"
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Liz Warren to Fed Chairman: You want to keep raising interests rates to slow down hiring to reduce inflation? How about you directly address the 2.5 million people who you are going to cause to lose their jobs and tell them why that's a good thing
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Hui hew Chris Pratt is not just what I needed
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New York Republicans go to all-out war against Cy Young Award winner George Santos, who says he hasn't faced this much pressure since he led American troops to victory in Operation Market-Garden, the most decisive battle in the Vietnam War
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The BBC examines why a million Americans a year would rather risk serious injury, kidnapping, and death than deal with US health insurance
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| Tue March 07, 2023 |
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Democrats come out swinging against Tucker Carlson's lies about January 6th. * checks notes... * Holy crap, it's Republicans screaming about this and calling it bullshiat? What world are we living in?
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Sacramento dildo saleswoman Dallas Erin Humber unmasked as "Narrator" propagandist behind Neo-Nazi network
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The best way to celebrate St. Pats? Not the beer, but the smell.... you can now smell like St. Patrick's Day
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Thanks to Tucker's revisionist history, the Sicknick family will likely own the Fox News Corporation after they sue the bejesus out of them. See, happy endings are possible
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"Mel Brooks unleashes a torrent of dick jokes, fart jokes, piss jokes, drug jokes, and punchlines targeting gay and Black people, Jews, and women. Like an R-rated edition of Mad Magazine sprung to life, History may be Brooks' crassest, horniest film"
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Michelle Obama is one tough cookie, she cried after the TFG inauguration on Air Force 1. Most of us had been crying for months by then
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If you thought some crazy Democrats would be behind Marianne Williamson's presidential candidacy you'd be wrong, it's crazy Republicans
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Gen Z dating dictionary now available for older generations
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Photoshop this elaborate cabinet
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Well it's not like the United States does not have a history of invading countries with a democratically elected president
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Sydney Sweeney has collaborated on a new line of swimwear that stresses freedom and confidence and who's still here?
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| Mon March 06, 2023 |
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AI can simulate a voice with uncanny accuracy, a fact scammers have used to steal millions from people who get a desperate call from a "loved one"
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It's official: 4chan now has better moderation than Twitter. Be careful clicking that link
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The AI-generated team motto for the Astros is pretty much what the city of Houston has been thinking since the World Series ended
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Nothing corrupt here, just a homeless shelter operator whose VP of Housing programs happens to be the sister of NYC Department of Homeless Services administrator Joslyn Carter has won $1.7B in shelter contracts
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Some Democrats have the temerity to almost maybe consider if Biden is too old and right-wing to adequately represent both the party and the country's non-White-Guy-centric future
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Trump: After Wuhan lab leak, China owes us reparations, *holds pinky to lips* ...like $50 trillions or something
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We were promised that the golden age of streaming would bring us limitless choice, no commercials, and complete freedom to watch what we wanted when we wanted. But the corporations won in the end, and what we have now and are heading to is worse than what we had before
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You may wish to sit down for this, but TFG wasn't entirely truthful in CPAQ speech about crime, the National Guard, Civil War monuments, NATO, Russia, Ukraine, the Pulitzer Prize, Nord Stream, the economy, Biden, elections, immigration, war, peace
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| Fri March 03, 2023 |
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Interest rates have skyrocketed for mortgages, lines of credit, and home equity loans, but for some odd reason not for interest paid into your savings account. Funny how that works. If you want, you can read the article for the banks' "explanation"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Come and listen to some sci-fi short stories, read to you live by professional narrator and Farker Cyclometh, starting at noon PT, 3PM ET. Today's selections are by Samuel R. Delaney, Harlan Ellison, and William Gibson. LGT registration, more DIT
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Lawmakers don't understand contemporary technology. AI-generated film at 11
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The greatest film adaptation of Moby Dick is about to be turned into The Pirates of Penzance
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Fox may fall to Dominion, which is good news for the Federation
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TGIF. Come celebrate by watching Jon Stewart lay a royal smackdown on a 2nd Amendment absolutist lawmaker
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Woman earns Guinness World Record by running 23 ultra-marathon distances in 23 days. You might qualify for Guinness World Record for heaviest panting after getting up from the couch
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Your regular reminder that Scotland has the highest 'whisky distillery to confused old farmer' ratio in the known world (possible nsfw content on page)
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Zoom call with Federal Reserve governor is bombed by porn images, steeply rising interest rates
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Neal Schon and Jonathan Cain haven't gone their separate ways, though they're feeling that way as they hire off-duty cops to guard their dressing rooms from one another
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| Tue February 28, 2023 |
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Cop finds an elderly dog near death, stuck in a ditch in frigid temperatures. Does he C) take it to the station, warm it up, feed it, then put up lost-dog flyers and successfully reunite her with her elderly owner?
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California's covid emergency officially ends today. Texas' emergency declaration will remain in place so that Gov. Abbot can continue to exercise the dictatorial powers the declaration confers until they are codified into law
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| (Some Kerid) |
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Photoshop this Icelanduc crater lake
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Bring a Trailer celebrates its 100,000th auction with a mint Datsun 240Z expected to fetch north of $100,000. Um...kind of want?
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Dead & Co tease 5/8/23 show at Cornell University's Barton Hall; the 5/8/77 Grateful Dead show at the same venue is considered one of the band's best shows ever
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Embracing cancel culture, Florida GOP pushes legislation to outlaw Democratic Party
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The Aristocrats
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So how were the ratings for the Bonesaw Tour's TV debut? Well, on Sunday, they got about 238K viewers, while the Honda Classic, a lower-tier PGA Tour event with no big names in it, averaged about 2.38M viewers
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King Charles is having a really tough time booking a pop star to perform at his inauguration. Subby knows Frank Stallone is now in between movie gigs and is also very good at music
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Jacksonville finally gets around to turning a multi-generational, heinously godforsaken eyesore into something that isn't. Now if they could just work on the, uhh..."Downtown" area
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Canada Soccer president steps down after multiple provincial federations ask him to resign over labor discord and financial issues. He doesn't say sorry
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Author who coined the term 'metaverse' calls AI-generated content boring, demands people stop trying to make his dystopias real
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160 years after the Battle of Chancellorsville, the U.S. Navy finally defeats the Confederates
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| Mon February 27, 2023 |
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It's called Judgement Day: the day when every human simultaneously became lactose intolerant. The smell alone will destroy entire cities, obliterating billions of people in an instant
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Democrat Joe Manchin refuses to say if he is a Democrat or not
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Michigan Dems demonstrate the strength of their "bench" as Rep. Elsie Slotkin, who flipped a red District in 2018 and has won it by increasing margins in the last two elections, announces she's running for Sen. Stabenow's seat after her retirement
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Nokia changes corporate logo, reminds customers they are no longer a has-been mobile phone maker, but a k00l new high tech company with consummate acute angles
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Newly discovered Terry Pratchett stories to be published this fall
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List of ten movies that were R-rated for no R-eason
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Corporations, in partnership with their government employees, are using a terrifying surge in shoplifting to fuel draconian laws that can lock peasants--er, citizens--away for years for even minor violations. But is the surge even actually happening?
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Of course the Christian faith based health insurance pools are a grift. You should be grateful your payments to the plan bought me this new yacht
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The best reason to ratarr at 50 you will hear today
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Likely to glue a wooly wig to itself to avoid a NC-17 rating it's the Fark Monday Movie Rewind. A thread to discuss the movies/TV seen this past week. What have you been watching? LGT Movie Merkins (NSFW). What did they miss? Which did you like?
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Woodworking video. Some think it should be rated at least R, and the chisel work is highly suggestive. It's probably relevant to the prurient interests of some Farkers. Pay close attention: it's subtle
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In his annual letter, Warren Buffett completes his transition into the Oligarch of Omaha, claims anyone criticizing stock buybacks is an "economic illiterate"
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| Fri February 24, 2023 |
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The end of the World will be televised. And TFG will be right there to talk about how good his ratings were
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And we will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to impugn the patriotism of our members. And you will know we are the Democratic Caucus when we lay our vengeance upon you
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Member of media criticizes media for calling Nikki Haley a moderate in media
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Biodiversity loss drove ecological collapse 252 million years ago, probably due to CO2 released by volcanic activity. "We are currently losing species at a faster rate than in any of Earth's past extinction events." Is total collapse inevitable?
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Nikki Haley says she has NEVER defended the Confederate Flag flying over the SC state Capitol is just a wee bit undercut by a 2010 interview where she did EXACTLY that: " this is not something that is racist. This is something that is a tradition"
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State of MI: So, judge, this guy who's been in jail for 20 years for killing two hunters? We'd like you to let him out because we kinda didn't tell his defense attys about evidence linking the deaths to a serial killer operating at the time
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At this rate, we're going to need to start seeing headlines about GOP House freshmen who *didn't* lie on their resumes
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Police officer who pulled unarmed man out of car and shot him 3 times is A: Placed on administrative leave? B: Fired? or C: Awarded the Purple Heart?
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The Republican Party is attempting to claim the Norfolk Southern train derailment in East Palestine, Ohio, as a pet issue. They might just be able to do it, if Democrats don't get their act together
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So you told Putin that he can fark himself and defected to another country? Fees to transfer to a European chess federation, which normally are shockingly high, will be waived
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Smouldering Diapers" is the name of my touring guerilla theatre tribute to Rugrats
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| Wed February 22, 2023 |
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Dmitry Medvedev offers his full support for Ukraine Special Military Operation during Putin's address, sends lots of ZZZs
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Will Wheeler Yuta leave Phoenix as a double champion? Can Jon Moxley survive the wrath of Evil Uno? What did Tony Khan do this time? AEW Dynamite starts @ 8pm ET on TBS, the SuperStation
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The Biden Administration is using the Trump Ohio train derailment site visit to highlight all the train safety regulations Trump ended like high-speed brakes, regular track safety inspections, and requiring more than one crew member on a train
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NPR to lay off 10% of its work force, citing decreased revenue from corporate sponsors and rising cost of hempen tote bags, Ferrari Carano Fumé Blanc, and other essential supplies
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Today's 2-hr serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Church, Generation X, The Groove Farm, and Prefab Sprout. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #439. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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British supermarkets are having food shortages and even rationing fresh produce. Europeans express their sympathy. Just kidding, they mocked and trolled them
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The novel "Generation X" turns 30. The author on how generational trashing is eternal: "It's been entertaining for me to see the exact same venom that was thrown at Gen X being thrown at millennials"
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High School wrestler costs his team a Championship for the heinous infraction of *checks notes* premature removal of shoulder straps during celebration. Guess they didn't want to get cut off from the Google ad network
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MTG clarifies that when she was talking about a "national divorce" she wasn't advocating Civil War, perish the thought, she was just talking about disenfranchising Democrats : "once they move to a red state... you don't get to vote for five years "
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If only there was some kind of sensible healthcare system where people don't lose their health insurance and die due to corporate greed
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Economic genius Vladimir Putin has single-handedly accelerated the European Union's transition to renewable energy use
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Strangest thing about this stolen car chase ending in a hydration break is there was a "bystander" on the highway
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Viral Instagram photographer comes clean: His "photo portraits" are AI-generated, human-polished, and originally intended to fool people and wake them up to threat of AI. His views changed, and now he's on Team Robot
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| Wed February 15, 2023 |
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HCA Healthcare Inc.: We may have roaches in our hospital operating rooms, but our profits, stocks are way up
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"I'd rather be a one-hit wonder than a no-hit wonder." Well, he does have a point
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The GOP can't ignore the blockbuster report on Trump, Kushner and Saudi funds. Narrator: Yes they can
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Cool: Man freed after 30 years in prison after being cleared of a murder he didn't commit after an eyewitness gave him an airtight alibi and the actual perp confessed to the crime. WTF: Missouri AG STILL opposed the exoneration
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Proud Boys trial defense council asking "Do I understand correctly that your honor is going to permit introduction of my client's comment, "I'd rather you suck giant c**ks in front of me?" Judge: Yes, it's more probative than I originally thought
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'Fake skin' fools mosquitos for research at Tulane University. T-800 frowns, scratches
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Now that it has affected him personally, OH Gov. DeWine calls on congress to address the "absurd" regulations protecting freight rail operators at the expense of people harmed by their actions
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Mortgage demand drops as interest rates rise. You can explain that
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Noted military strategists at the NY Post want you to pre your pants in fear that the Chinese balloon is a prelude to a full invasion of America
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103-year-old man celebrates 80 years of bowling, probably averages higher than most of us
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Groundbreaking male contraceptive pill "disables" sperm and works within minutes. No word if God will get quite irate (possible nsfw content on page)
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Oh please, ignoring evidence that is inconvenient to their narrative is pretty much the GOP's whole shtick these days
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Escaped owl shows New Yorkers how to deal with rat problem
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Escaped owl shows New Yorkers how to deal with rat problem
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| Tue February 14, 2023 |
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If you're lucky, your spicy Valentine's Day celebrations might end with handcuffs and cop uniforms. Or if you're not lucky, I guess
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Tragedy today for Jan the Toyota girl as Toyota honorary chairman Shoichiro Toyoda dies at 97 with a low APR rate of 2.99%
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Star Trek's burgundy shirts as seen in the motion pictures, explained. TOS's iconic yellow, blue and red shirts looked like pajamas and got characters killed, so Wrath of Khan costume designer went a classier direction
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Freshman Gen Z Representative asks a few very simple questions of the witnesses at a hearing, debunking the GOP "border crisis" narrative. Rep. says that he did that because "solutions must be rooted in facts." Well, he's new. He'll learn
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In its demo launch Microsoft's AI Bing generated factual errors and fabricated text, meaning it was an out-of-the-park success by Redmond standards
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Finally men can stop scratching their nads, we now know the real reason why their nutsacks are wrinkled (possible nsfw content on page)
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Special Prosecutor gives 2 of Trump's lawyers the "option of being co-defendants or cooperating witnesses"
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How to deal with separation on Valentine's Day
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School administrators claim length of week-long spontaneous religious revival at Kentucky college could only be the Lord's work. In unrelated news, the school also confirms professors allow students to attend services instead of classes
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This week's nonexistent trend conjured by corporate America is "Bare Minimum Monday," commonly referred to by Farkers as "Monday"
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| Mon February 13, 2023 |
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State senator Sam Thompson (R - eedeems himself) switches from the Republican to the Democratic party. "I have not left my party. My party leadership has left me"
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German conservatives hail rare 'big city' win in Berlin state election. Taking current global politics into consideration, hopefully this is not a repeat of 1932
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Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and Ethereum prices plummet on account of...*spins wheel*...concerns about rate hikes. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket. Rate hike concerns. Very bad, those
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Note to self: Don't order anything from an AI 'chef', unless you like hair sandwiches, blue cheese shakes and bug pasta (possible nsfw content on page)
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Because this new year hasn't started out crazy enough, there is now a Marburg virus outbreak. If you don't know what that is, it's where you bleed from every orifice and it has fatality rate of up to 88%
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The Fed will continue rate hikes until the plebes cease demanding better table scraps
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"F*** you, congratulations"
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He's silence is frustrating some scientists. He's stunt may have hindered his research. And those were not grammatical errors
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