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headlines found matching 'Pleas'
Sat August 08, 2020
(Spokesman Review)
 
 
 
Fewer and fewer people get the pleasure of reading the local newspaper every morning as they enjoy a cup of coffee while sitting on a toilet
source: spokesman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri August 07, 2020
(Channel 3000 Madison)
 
 
 
Yah hey dere Dad, just send lawyers, I've already got the guns and money. Well I did have anyway, lawyers please
source: channel3000.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
California restaurant sets up "Patio Bubbles" for people who want a horrendous outdoor dining experience. Pic ITFA for your pleasure
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quinnipiac University)
 
 
 
New Polls show that Sen Collins is running behind her Democratic challenger, Lindsey Graham is neck and neck with his, and McConnell is only leading McGrath by 5, just 2 points more than the margin of error. This is the Holy Trinity of "Oh Please"
source: poll.qu.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Trump advisors to other countries: "Please don't taunt the nuclear football monkey"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu August 06, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
Superspreader infects 91 at Ohio church. GOP Governor sends strongly-worded letter to all churches to please pretty please wear masks, is more afraid of "faith-based leaders" than of COVID. Deep Church
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed August 05, 2020
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
U.S. Officials: "Our President is a goddamn moron, please stop listening to what he says"
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ProPublica)
 
 
 
Just a reminder that if you're relying on Facebook for your voting information, stop. Please, for Democracy's sake, stop
source: propublica.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Abandoned as an infant herself, this teen understands what it feels like to be left behind, and works to help senior dogs find the loving homes they deserve, just like she did. Please welcome her to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
Please don't deprive us of the Trump-Biden debate spectacle ...we really need the lulz in this 2020 year
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue August 04, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Please tell me again how we're opening schools up in a safe manner?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon August 03, 2020
(The Indian Express)
 
 
 
Clear glass came to ancient Rome from Egypt. Soon every Roman could walk into a bar, hold up two fingers and say "five beers, please"
source: indianexpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun August 02, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Pleased to meet you, we're whales
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat August 01, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Louie Gohmert's daughter: "Please listen to medical experts. It's not worth following a president who has no remorse for leading his followers to an early grave"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NHL)
 
 
 
After that bit of unpleasantness, it's Day 1 of the 2020 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Get your goonjuice ready and get into the thread. The action starts at Noon ET on NBCSN
source: nhl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 31, 2020
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Is that a penis on your arm or are you just pleased to see me? No
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 29, 2020
(Thread Reader)
 
 
 
Twitter summary of the most batshiat stuff Barr said yesterday, unrolled for her pleasure
source: threadreaderapp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Your feet smell like fried chicken and those KFC Crocs are toe-lickin' good. I'll take a 2 piece for $200 please
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun July 26, 2020
(WCPO Cincinnati)
 
 
 
For your safety, please stay one cow apart
source: wcpo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat July 25, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
If you receive some mysterious unsolicited seeds with Chinese writing on the package, please don't plant them. Considering how 2020's going, they probably cause zombies
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 24, 2020
(Politico)
 
 
 
Apollo 17's Dr. Jack Schmitt has an article in Politico. tl;dr: "Please land someone else on the farking Moon before I die"
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Women's Health)
 
 
 
First time e-mailer, long time viewer. Please have your thyroid checked. The lump on your neck reminds me of mine when I was diagnosed with cancer
source: womenshealthmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Please welcome the Toronto Blue Jays of Buffalo
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
♬Jolene, Karen, Karen, Karen / I'm begging of you, please just wear a mask/ I'm begging you please don't lick that glass/ Please just wear a mask, you big dumbass
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu July 23, 2020
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
Could someone please fire up Google Translate and tell Björn what 'reenactment' means, please?
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 22, 2020
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Former GOP congressman: Trump considering injecting disinfectant into Covid patients is just the outside the box thinking that leads to major scientific breakthroughs. Also same guy, can you define disinfectant please?
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Onion)
 
 
 
Subby can't find the satire in this onion article. Please help
source: theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue July 21, 2020
(The Cambridge Chronicle)
 
 
 
If your gigantic plush moose is missing, please contact the Billerica, MA parks division
source: billerica.wickedlocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Former Pennsylvania State Senator Mike Folmer sentenced to two years in prison for possession of child porn
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Poughkeepsie Journal)
 
 
 
I'll take the $1 Corruption Fries with a $1 side of Pandering Gravy. Oh, and the Incompetence Sampler, please
source: poughkeepsiejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deslidefied)
 
 
 
Thanks to Covid-19, here are 23 things we took for granted when eating out, but will never see again. Deslided for your viewing pleasure
source: desli.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon July 20, 2020
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
If you are out fishing on the Winooski river today, please refrain from smoking for about 24 hours
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Texas Tribune)
 
 
 
If you had a war criminal leading the Texas GOP on your 2020 betslip, please come forward to collect your winnings
source: texastribune.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun July 19, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Trump to Chris Wallace: "Let Biden sit through an interview like this, he'll be on the ground crying for mommy. He'll say mommy, mommy, please take me home"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
ATTENTION CORPORATE SLAVES, RETURN TO YOUR WAGE FARMS...we mean please come back into the collective shared creative wonderland that is the modern office
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat July 18, 2020
(NBC Palm Springs)
 
 
 
Papers please
source: nbcpalmsprings.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGME Portland)
 
 
 
Please do not throw rocks at the kayakers
source: wgme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 17, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Thank you for calling 988, please hold
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu July 16, 2020
(Imgur)
 
 
 
How many times do I have to say PLEASE
source: imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wired)
 
 
 
Schadenfreude [ shahd-n-froi-duh ]. Noun. Satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune. See: Quibi
source: wired.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Paging a Mister Sweeney Todd? Sweeney Todd to the white courtesy phone please (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Please put some clothes on before you answer the door. This is real life, is not a 1970s sex comedy (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
Here is your Oklahoma ballot. Please select your choice for President. Donald Trump, Joe Biden or Yeezy
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC4i)
 
 
 
Mike DeWine: Uhm, hi, Ohio. I know we did good to start, but COVID is starting to kick our ass. Now I'm not gonna mandate anything like the librul states, but could you please wear masks? Pretty please? With cherry on top?
source: nbc4i.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
No paraquat in my spliff, please
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 15, 2020
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Will Arsenal or Liverpool be awake for their game? Will Man City all but doom Bournemouth to relegation? Will Wolves close on Man Utd & Leicester in the chase for the 4th Champions League spot? Will JoMo please go away? Action starts @ 1pm ET
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Just Goyaway, please
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Rarely is the question asked... Won't somebody please think of the landlords?
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon July 13, 2020
(Politico)
 
 
 
There is unrest in the forest, there is trouble with the trees, for the ex-Mr. Marla Maples wants more oil, and the oaks shout their pleas
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun July 12, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Will all the Ubisoft executives who did not engage in sexual harassment please raise their hands. (looks around room) C'mon, let's see those hands ... hey, where is everyone going?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu July 09, 2020
(WRAL)
 
 
 
A 9,400-square-foot home in Durham, NC is now for sale for only $1.9 million. It includes a chef-style kitchen, lovely outdoor spaces with a swimming pool, faulty staircase that will kill your unwanted spouse
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
Welcome to the Detroit Airport lost luggage department. Yes, my bag is missing. Last time I saw it was when I checked it in at Terminal D in LaGuardia Airport ... One moment please
source: wcbs880.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Open schools? Yes, please. Keep bars and gyms closed to assure that? Please, no
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 08, 2020
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Due to coronavirus spread, roller coaster riders in Japan are advised to "please scream inside the heart" while riding
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(11 Alive)
 
 
 
As Georgia smashes through 100,000 Covid-19 cases, Governor Brian "Bubba" Kemp launches campaign to beg Georgians to pretty please stop being stupid
source: 11alive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
A pint of whisky and four lines of cocaine for lunch? Yes please
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
B-b-but won't someone PLEASE think of the poor police officers?
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue July 07, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Dumbass tries to defend JK Rowling by saying before her female SF&F authors were "virtually unknown" Ursula LeGuin, Anne McCaffrey, CJ Cherryh, Lin Carter, CL Moore, PL Travers, Mary Shelly collectively say "biatch, please"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Patriots offering free parking for home games, free shirts reading "we're still cool without Tommy" for all fans. Please come
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun July 05, 2020
(C|Net)
 
 
 
Whoever had the answer "Mothra" in the "What Will Go Wrong in July?" pool, please step forward to claim your prize
source: cnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Look Daddy, I made you a picture. Please love me, Daddy
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Missing: seven small satellites. Last seen near New Zealand. If found, please return what's left to Rocket Labs
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 03, 2020
(The Spectator UK)
 
 
 
Why can't today's podcasting whippersnappers make a good old-fashioned audio drama? They're always doing self-indulgent narration and audio wankery that requires headphones and full attention when all I want is a pleasant whodunit to fall asleep to
source: spectator.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu July 02, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Lady G's indictment for your reading pleasure (PDF)
source: documentcloud.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 01, 2020
(Bristol Post (UK))
 
 
 
"If the spirit of Jane Walford is present can you please make some sort of sound or signal to let us know?"........"F**k off"
source: bristolpost.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
Now THAT is how to write your "Please, for the love of God, wear a farking mask" sign
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Task and Purpose)
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline: Navy to sailors: Please stop buying LSD online
source: taskandpurpose.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 29, 2020
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
"It emerged recently and is carried by pigs, but can infect humans" - OK, 2020, just stop please
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 28, 2020
(WonderWall)
 
 
 
Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli have been pushed out of the exclusive Bel-Air Country Club after their guilty pleas. Where's my damn violin
source: wonderwall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 27, 2020
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Courts rules ICE must please think of the children
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 25, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Can we just please have the election today and get it over with?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
How far will the Senate GOP go to please Trump? This Senator blocked his own bill on the floor of the Senate because Trump asked him to
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 24, 2020
(Hamilton Journal-News)
 
 
 
Due to social distancing, please remain "6 feet from Kevin's Bacon"
source: journal-news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
You've reached the USS Voyager. We're experiencing an unusually high volume of com traffic. Please hold for the next available representative
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Argus Leader)
 
 
 
Fire expert: Mt. Rushmore fireworks show for July 4th "ill-advised" due to dry conditions and very high fire risk. Trump: please proceed
source: argusleader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
These indicators are meaningless to markets - please read on
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Melania fries Food Network host for suggesting Donnie wasn't Barron's father, not sure if that was an insult or a compliment
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Deaf pupper's pack provides "protection ears" during hiking and camping trips. Please welcome Bonnie, Bella and Bolt to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
If you took the sword from the statue of General John Stark, who led American forces during the 1777 Battle of Bennington, please return it. Also, you're a dick
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 21, 2020
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Garçon, another bottle of the Nine of Swords, and please, doodle on my face with your ballpoint pen, would you?
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 20, 2020
(Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)
 
 
 
Duo who stole over $8 million in rare books and artifacts from the Carnegie Library get the book thrown...wait, their sentences are what?
source: triblive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
"Please scream inside your heart." That's my secret, Iwata-san, I'm always screaming
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 18, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Finally An answer to the age old question: Does a bear shiat in the woods? Well, turns out a bear will shiat anywhere it damn well pleases
source: 97x.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Crypto-Nerds)
 
 
 
If you guessed hackers as the reason for the low transaction amount with high fee amount via Ethereum last week please step forward for your prize
source: theblockcrypto.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 17, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
OK, tough guys, tune in to Agents of SHIELD tonight at 10pm eastern on ABC if you know what's good for you. Um, I mean it's a good show, you should watch. Please?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Please remember to wash your lint collector. Or don't, because it's like a rain forest down there
source: api.nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 16, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
How many people has your utility company killed? Contender for title is "84 involuntary manslaughter convictions". Who? you'll Probably Guess Eventually
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
What kind of house does $30k USD buy you in rural Japan? A small, three room one, with a pleasant surprise
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 15, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Drew, dammit, can we get this man a Fark tag please?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Won't someone please think of the media moguls
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 14, 2020
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Black leaders in Seattle are none too pleased that local white hipsters and "tourists" have turned the CHAZ, which was created as a somber protest of police brutality, systemic racism, and George Floyd's death, into an Urban Burning Man
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Biden doubles his pleasure in Michigan
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WZZM 13 Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
Oh no. Please don't
source: wzzm13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 12, 2020
(Cincinnati Enquirer)
 
 
 
DeWine: "My state medical director just retired, please don't leave me hanging here." State health director Acton: "Fark this, we're about to have an outbreak and I'm done dealing with the Flu Klux Klan"
source: cincinnati.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
No. Please. Stop
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 11, 2020
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Please do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to take selfies with the bear. Also, lock down your picnic baskets
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 09, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
Attention residents of Georgia, Nevada, North Dakota, South Carolina and West Virginia, please remember to exercise your civic duty and VOTE today
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Attention white people: Please stop making protest signs that proclaim your love for black d&ck. Thankyou
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 08, 2020
(Interesting Engineering)
 
 
 
Fizzy Ice Cream? YES PLEASE
source: interestingengineering.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 07, 2020
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
A simple guide on men's fashion that illustrates 'the do' s, the don'ts, and the oh my gawd please don'ts' for when you have to be at the gym in 26 minutes
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 04, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Mad that we published white supremacist propaganda? Please allow me to explain why everyone who runs the NYT op-ed dept has a brain that was mistakenly given to a human, when it was supposed to go to a dog
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 03, 2020
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Turns out the vast majority of Americans support the protesters. Please proceed with your crackdown, Mr. President, there's no way it could backfire on you
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 02, 2020
(NBC News)
 
 
 
And now for your viewing pleasure, I will explode
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 01, 2020
(AP News)
 
 
 
Please, don't feed homeless people pepper spray
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Current MAGA supporter: "I cannot agree with AOC, but if I cannot agree with AOC, then I must agree with DeBlasio, but I cannot agree with DeBlasio because I agree with AOC, but I cannot agree with AOC... illogical Illogical Please explain"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Zuckerdroids are not pleased with the MCP's decision to leave Donnie's "when the looting starts..." post online
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 29, 2020
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
Please enjoy this collection of nature's nightmare fuel (warning: icky and creepy photos)
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
This is what I meant by looting leads to shooting. I love Twitter, please don't ban me because of the haters correctly interpreting my first tweet
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Dear Drew, Please put your $@*&# squirrels back to work because they are driving me farking crazy in my coronavirus quarantine
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 28, 2020
(MSN)
 
 
 
From Texas to Wisconsin to California: "Sorry, no mask allowed, please bare with us thru the ridiculous fearful times"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 27, 2020
(AP News)
 
 
 
"And, please, leave the avocado lumpy"
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Trump finds another drug he might give a try. (OH PLEASE OH PLEASE)
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 26, 2020
(utahpolicy.com)
 
 
 
Trump has just a 3% lead over Biden in Utah. Paging Evan McMullin, please run for President again
source: utahpolicy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 25, 2020
(Santa Fe New Mexican)
 
 
 
50,000 GOP volunteers in 15 states will watch polling places "to challenge people they believe are not eligible to vote". Papers, please
source: santafenewmexican.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 22, 2020
(Lincoln Journal Star)
 
 
 
Bo, Please come back
source: journalstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Were... were there donkeys? Please tell me there were donkeys. Pretty much everything about this is NSFW (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 21, 2020
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. Now batting for the Yankees, the drive in movie theater
source: 1010wins.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Legacy.com)
 
 
 
"In lieu of flowers, please pay someone's open bar tab"
source: legacy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
I'm working from home right now so please leave your message at the sound of the JEEP
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 20, 2020
(Entertainment Daily)
 
 
 
Tattoo designs range from rolls of toilet paper and a cartoon germ to people declaring: "I survived 2020, "This is awful. People are f**king dying"
source: entertainmentdaily.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Dear America, I'm a billionaire who has lost $7.6B because of Covid-19. For my sake, can you please get outside and die a bit so we can have herd immunity and I can get my money back? Love, Your Friend
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
The containment ponds at Dow Chemical in Midland have flooded. We should send the Lansing protesters there to clean up the toxins. They will get to be outside all day and can work without masks. But, no shooting at the flood waters, please
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jerusalem Post)
 
 
 
Won't someone please think of the kosher NYC restaurants that have closed permanently due to coronavirus, aside from my cardiologist who is concerned about my cholesterol and weight?
source: jpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Prince Charles wishes his furloughed subjects to take to the fields, picking fruits and vegetables at His Majesty's pleasure. Workers to form anarcho-syndicalist commune where they take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 19, 2020
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
White House lawyers: "Please dismiss this lawsuit over us gutting the EPA as is our absolute immunity right according to Constitution, v.2020" ..... CA Federal judge: "As if"
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Will the lowest FARK account number, please stand up, please stand up (#1123)
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
Taco Tuesday is non-traditional. Please wait for Taco Friday, and enjoy with pineapples, peanuts, and cucumbers
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
How have we gotten this far into his presidency before finding this perfect nickname for Trump?: "DT Barnum"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
As travel starts up again, please consider the exciting of trains
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 18, 2020
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Attention Zoo Visitors: Please do not cough on the Dynamite Monkey. Thank you
source: toronto.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 17, 2020
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 16, 2020
(USA Today)
 
 
 
"Is that yea or nay? Will the gentleman from Kentucky please unmute? It's the microphone button. No, not on your keyboard, on the screen. No, click with your mouse"
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 15, 2020
(Busted Coverage)
 
 
 
Officer please, you know it's hot out here. I just wanted to go for a drive and air my penis out
source: bustedcoverage.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
In lieu of actual basketball, please enjoy a thousand words about a single line of trash talk from 1997
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 14, 2020
(Vice)
 
 
 
If you have already heard "larval pleasure tube" combined with "very light wear" and only "gently used" today, collect your prize
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 13, 2020
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
This sweet foster dog put the "Mother" in "Mother's Day" when she surprised everyone by giving birth on Sunday. Please welcome Chloe and her six beautiful babies to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 12, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Almost 1000 Peel Sessions for your pandemic listening pleasure
source: brooklynvegan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 11, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
UFC: We have strong protective measures in place to make sure that no one spreads COVID-19 at one of our events. Oh, by the way, if you want to cover one of our events, please sign this NDA saying you can't say what those protective measures are
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
Hey Pennsylvania, please go out and buy stuff so you can die for me, because my numbers aren't looking to hot there, ok?? Thanks. Thank You. Thank You, your Most Favoritest Preseident Ever
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 09, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
No Mow May - leave your yard alone until June to help out the bees please 🐝🐝🐝
source: returntonow.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Score)
 
 
 
Brett Hull... douche? Not a douche?? Please discuss
source: thescore.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 07, 2020
(Fark)
 
 
 
Another farker shares their personal experience with COVID-19. TL;DR? Please remember you can have it and not feel very sick
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
The best lines in the past 30 years for all 31 NHL clubs. Drop the gloves and debate why they are right or wrong to your right, please
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 06, 2020
(Pix11)
 
 
 
"Dear health care worker: Thanks for coming to New York to help us with the pandemic. In your welcome pack please find a respirator, gloves, an IT-201-V form, and a granola bar"
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lifehacker)
 
 
 
For the love of all that is holy and precious to you, please, please, stop making Cacio e Pepe
source: skillet.lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
UK health minister tells female MP to "watch her tone" in House of Commons. Female MP: "biatch, please"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 04, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Please, just leave the poor woman alone. She. Doesn't. Want. The. Job
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 02, 2020
(NK News)
 
 
 
Kimmy the Hutt has a pleasure barge with an Olympic-size pool and twin waterslides on it, because of course he does
source: nknews.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 01, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
My aquarium is full of eels. Please video chat with them, bouncy, bouncy
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PetsLady)
 
 
 
♪♫ Leopard in the bathroom please talk free, the door is locked just you and me ♫♪
source: petslady.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 30, 2020
(Tech Dirt)
 
 
 
Please excuse Richard's coronavirus predictions that helped guide the White House's flawed pandemic response. The numbers he stated were obviously misquoted out of context, by himself. Signed, Epstein's mother
source: techdirt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
This is satire right? Please be satire. I really can't tell anymore, but then my Noble prize was revoked before I had my covfefe and hamberders so my mind is not in stable genius mode
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 29, 2020
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Please note: the Attorney General tends to frown on people selling bogus Covid-19 vaccines
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If you smoke marijuana, you might have more sex, serve Satan and become permanently insane. Pass that joint, please
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
The 70's 'conversation pit' in making a comeback. No political discussions please until we put down wrestling mats & boxing ring ropes
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Pence is just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don't let him be misunderstood
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 28, 2020
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Please, have a side of talking otter while you're drinking your morning coffee
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
"Attention people: Please stop drinking hand sanitizer." Sincerely, the FDA
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tumblr)
 
Video
 
Hey Fark, I made a list of some other options for streaming if you can't afford the subscription services or are bored with them. Please share what you've found to watch online in the thread
source: tumblr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 27, 2020
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
"Oh Lord, please don't let anyone get sick because I'm allowing restaurants to open"
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 26, 2020
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
A problem in the beer industry is brewing, and that is kegs are going stale. Won't someone please think of the kegs?
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Anyone want to buy an airline? If interested, please contact Richard Branson at whatever private tropical island he's currently riding out the pandemic on
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 24, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady / All you other Slim Shadies are just imitating / So won't the real Slim Shady please send food, please send food, please send food?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
The Small Business Administration has a plan to ensure that it can actually start helping small businesses: Ask big corporations to pretty please with sugar on top give back all those stimulus funds they should never have received in the first place
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bothell-Kenmore Reporter)
 
 
 
Report shows impact of Coronavirus on hotel industry, as eight of ten hotel rooms are empty nationwide. Please, take a moment to think of all the empty rooms in which no weird sex with cheap hookers will take place
source: bothell-reporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Dear Americans; please don't inject our product into you, despite what Trump says." Sincerely, Lysol
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 23, 2020
(Metro)
 
 
 
Evidently people are not buying enough food in a bucket, Jim Bakker looking at bankkruptcy
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 22, 2020
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well / It were done quickly. How to read Shakespeare for pleasure
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
It was a dark and stormy night, and the clocks were striking thirteen as it was the best of times, it was a pleasure to burn. This is your Fark Writer's Thread, rearranging things edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 21, 2020
(Medical Design Briefs)
 
 
 
"Please cough into your phone." *Cough hack wheeze* "Processing. Congratulations. You have Covid-19." (phone uploads your entire location history for last week to local health department)
source: medicaldesignbriefs.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Coronaghazi
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
I'VE HAD GREAT RATINGS MY WHOLE LIFE [please ignore the Coronavirus victims]
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Fox & Friends host is concerned about Trump's immigration ban because her au pair is an immigrant. Au, please
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 20, 2020
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Please, proceed
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
BART asks passengers 'please don't hotbox the trains today'. Otto, Jimbo, unavailable for comment
source: alt1053.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Hey, where is everybody else?
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 19, 2020
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Please, proceed
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Like your ex drunk-calling at 3 AM, for-profit colleges pinky-swear they've totally changed, please just give them a second chance
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inverse)
 
 
 
One type of exercise reverses the effect of aging on stems cells. Please be "lifting pint glasses", please be "lifting pint glasses"
source: inverse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 18, 2020
(Forbes)
 
 
 
The Trumperor is not pleased that J.B. the Hutt is smuggling medical supplies from the Trade Federation to prevent them from being seized by Jar Jar Kushner
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Hey there Essential worker, We know it must be hard for you, low wages, no adequate PPE gear. We hear your requests for sick leave and hazard pay. Know that it has not fallen on deaf ears. Please enjoy this Free Lunch, Candy, and Pizza Party
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 17, 2020
(Fark)
 
 
 
14 years ago today, Fark's most epic thread was posted. Please take a moment to join your fellow Farkers in recognizing the glory that is... The Ballsack Conundrum
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Need a snack for binge-watching? Honey curry butter popcorn is sure to please your puppy baby monkey
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Irish Times)
 
 
 
"The process can be fairly unpleasant. Especially for witnesses"
source: irishtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bleacher Report)
 
 
 
Old-Spice might protect block certain unpleasant BO, but it does not protect against you catching the Covid-19 virus
source: bleacherreport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Due to agonising toothache and no dentists, subby is living on soup. Post your most favourite recipes here. Please?
source: 92dental.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
Which character would you remove from a TV show, and why? Please show your work, extra points for originality
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
Citing Alex Jones and the Tangerine Terror, the 12 jurors from Roger Stone's trial are afraid for their lives
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 16, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
Please excuse Juan for two weeks, he's in quarantine after testing positive for COVID-19. Signed, Epstein's Mother
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Morgan Stanley profits drop 32%. Now, now, please don't waste a mask drying those tears
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
"I'll put $1000 on 10 million people dying from coronavirus, please. Also, $500 on a giant meteor killing us all in the next 10 years. Thank you very much"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 15, 2020
(Major League Baseball)
 
 
 
♫ And here's to you, Mister Robinson. God bless you, please, Mister Robinson. Heaven holds a place for those who played. Hey, hey, hey
source: mlb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Paul McCartney says, please no more of those Chinese "wet" markets where people eat bats. I don't care what Ozzy Osbourne says
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 14, 2020
(Tucson.com)
 
 
 
Arizona forest officials to hikers out-and-about during the coronavirus pandemic: Please stop leaving your poop outside our closed bathrooms
source: tucson.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
You'll be pleased to know that the 93 year old woman with the "I need beer" sign now has 10 cases of Coors Light. Also, beer has vitamins
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Dear Stoya: I'm a heterosexual male in my 50s, and my girlfriend asked me my darkest sexual desire. She seemed displeased to learn that I want to be sexually dominated by a real or fake phallus. What do?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 13, 2020
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Do you remember the show "The Nanny"? Well, they did a "table read" of one of the episodes over the internet for your viewing pleasure
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 12, 2020
(Rojak Daily)
 
 
 
Malaysians build pleasure pods to help medical workers. Oh wait, sorry... "pressure" pods. Well, that's just disappointing, but okay, yay for them
source: rojakdaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Please continue to stay the feck at home, unless you want to be intubated by a proctologist
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Dear Employers, please do not record if you have any employees sick with COVID-19, we wouldn't want to hurt my chances for re-election
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 11, 2020
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
Can you be a bit more specific, please?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
So, when you ride the bus in Philadelphia please make sure you're wearing a mask
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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