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headlines found matching 'Plea'
Sun July 15, 2018
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Repeated sexual misconduct on the job? That's a...promotin'
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat July 14, 2018
(Axios)
 
 
 
Okay, time to put together a map of all the indictments and guilty pleas Mueller has collected (so far) and see what it tells us
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 13, 2018
(PennLive)
 
 
 
No, you can't get unemployment comp if you challenged a supervisor to a fist fight. TFA: "(Our 'Welcome to Fark contestant') who acted as his own lawyer in the appeal..." And stopped reading there
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Please enjoy Congressman Jamie Raskin dropping the mic on the Strzok hearings
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 11, 2018
(WFSB Connecticut)
 
 
 
Local police are pleased to report the naked woman found laying in the grass is fine, no crime was committed, and the blood on her was "naturally occurring"
source: wfsb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue July 10, 2018
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Kermit Washington has been knocked the hell out by the legal system
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Kermit Washington has been knocked the hell out by the legal system
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Happy Independence Day, Michael Cohen
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brand Eating)
 
 
 
Taco Bell India recombines its vegetarian ingredients to unveil the crowd-pleasing Crispy Potaco, a fried potato-based taco shell containing lettuce, cheese, fiesta salsa, and "signature sauces"
source: brandeating.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon July 09, 2018
(SB Nation)
 
 
 
There are many ways to express your displeasure at a bad call. Your whole team beating up the refs should not be one of them
source: sbnation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat July 07, 2018
(Canberra Times)
 
 
 
Won't somebody please think of the paramedics
source: canberratimes.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 06, 2018
(CNBC)
 
 
 
The US labor shortage is real and is starting to put pressure on businesses. Before long, they might think about increasing pay and benefits. Please stop laughing
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu July 05, 2018
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)
 
 
 
Um, honey? I'm heading out to the store for a few things and to get some gas. I'll take the kids with me so that you can rest and enjoy the game on TV. You need anything? Oh, yeah, one more thing - can I please have some more bullets?
source: dfw.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Black female leaders send a letter to Chuck and Nancy pointing out THEY are the reason Doug Jones has a "senator" in front of his name, and that they are VERY displeased at the Dem leader's failure to "protect" Maxine Waters from unfair attacks
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 04, 2018
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Nobody puts grandma in the corner
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WLTX Columbia)
 
 
 
Oh, so *THAT* is what it takes to have your police credentials taken away in all 50 states Who would have guessed it?
source: wltx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
If you've found the lost standing stones of Devon, please notify archaeologists. They had a wild night at the pub back in the 1990s, you see, and, "well, we haven't managed to find the stone row"
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon July 02, 2018
(Kare11)
 
 
 
Please do not operate heavy machinery when having freak management issues
source: kare11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
The old fark random image threads made my day when they showed up, what happened to them? (if this gets greenlit please add that it should be SFW)
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. announces that Harvey Weinstein's check to his re-election fund bounced
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 29, 2018
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Usually sentencing happens pretty quickly after a guilty plea. For Michael Flynn it's going to be more than nine months for some strange reason that nobody seems to be discussing
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Drake autotunes Michael Jackson's vocals for his own song. Not everyone is pleased
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
I'm just going to go ahead and say what I'm feeling right now, but Born Again is absolutely Black Sabbath's best album
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Annapolis shooting suspect "wanted to get revenge" on journalists who reported on his guilty plea to charges of harassing a woman he went to high school with
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 28, 2018
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
KFC mashed potatoes in Australia: Serious business
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 27, 2018
(Fark)
 
Audio
 
6 hour long road trip today. and music selections? Rock music only please
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 26, 2018
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: if you stole a rare alligator from a pair of TV stars and set a reptile sanctuary on fire, police warn that you may be close to overdosing on Florida
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Reality Loser
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 25, 2018
(wtnh.com)
 
 
 
Rattlesnakes living in your pool noodles? It's more likely than you think. Pleasant dreams
source: wtnh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 24, 2018
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Can someone please suggest some safe places for Republican politicians to go?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 23, 2018
(DFW Star-Telegram)
 
 
 
Beer pong: Serious. Business
source: star-telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 22, 2018
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
The UK has its own Russian collusion scandal. And it involves a very familiar cast of players and guilty pleas
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
The worst of the internet has embraced the "womp womp." Womp womp
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 20, 2018
(Indy100)
 
 
 
"If you hear any of our staff SHOUTING in a language other than ENGLISH Please call 443-415-7775 immediately with the name of the employee to receive a coupon for FREE Coffee and a pastry"
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 19, 2018
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: If you're the person who dumped an alligator in a Florida WaWa store, the police would like to play a sad trombone for you
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
How could things get worse at the World Cup for the Saudi Arabian team after getting hosed 5-0 by Russia? If you had "in-flight engine fire" on your card, please step forward and claim your prize
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
I may not be cut out to be a Greeter*PUNCH*Thanks for shopping here*PUNCH*Come again*PUNCH*Please fill out the survey*PUNCH*PUNCH
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 18, 2018
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Remain seated please. Permanecer sentados, por favor. This is your MSNBC thread. Ride starts at 8 p.m. ET. It's going to be a crazy week
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
This just in from the Border Patrol: please don't call them cages. I mean, yes, we are holding children in cages, but we prefer you don't call them cages. Kthxbye
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Kos)
 
 
 
Still no word on why Michael Cohen's legal team quit/were fired this weekend, but he's been looking to hire new people with special sets of skills. Skills...in plea deals
source: dailykos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 17, 2018
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
"I'll take 'Things That Can Get You Thrown In Prison' for $500 Alex"
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
It looks like we are at the "papers, please" period of the Trump Era
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 16, 2018
(Fredericksburg)
 
 
 
The next time you get a 7-11 hotdog, think of this
source: fredericksburg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 15, 2018
(NCAA)
 
 
 
NCAA ice hockey kills the overtime shootout, pleases hockey purists by bringing back the tie game. Pat Dye unavailable for comment
source: ncaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
NewsFlash
 
Manafort remanded to buy better encrypting software next time
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
"I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, 'cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 14, 2018
(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
The Washington Redskins have announced that they no longer have a 200,000-person waiting list to buy season tickets. So, you know, if you want tickets, they're available. So, um, do you want tickets? You can buy them. Please? Please buy them
source: nbcwashington.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 13, 2018
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"Please stand for our new National Anthem: 'What's Up Bootlickers'"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Larry Brown Sports)
 
 
 
Superteam being assembled to bring down the Warriors. Cyrus said to be pleased
source: larrybrownsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Fox News says, truth? Fark that, Trump's the greatest and everything he said about North Korea and dictators are wonderful. Freedom is horrible, please arrest everyone
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 12, 2018
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Reality TV star pleads guilty to DUI in fatal crash. I know, really narrows it down, huh?
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 11, 2018
(Woke Sloth)
 
 
 
Remember how the whole, "Papers please," thing could never happen in the U.S.? Yeah, about that
source: wokesloth.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 10, 2018
(Smithsonian Magazine)
 
 
 
"Welcome to the library. Don't bother the bats, please"
source: smithsonianmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Sen. John McCain: "Look, we're sorry our President is an ass. Please be patient with us until we can lock him in prison"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
One art, please
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 09, 2018
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Please Note: Burger King does not offer complimentary handguns in the restroom, and if you found one, the Pasco County Sheriff's Office would really like it back
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
BWAWAWAW & hahahahah
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Ann Coulter accused of sex with minor
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 08, 2018
(Politico)
 
 
 
Will Donnie go over the river? Will Donnie fly over the sea? Will Donnie land in the big house? Oh please give that fate to Donnie. THIS is your Trump administration scandal rumor/speculation thread (~5pm news dump)
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Finally, Army scientists do something useful: They've discovered the algorithm for the right amount of coffee needed to ensure your day is pleasant
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Stormy Daniels' former attorney says I started this gravy train and I'd like a huge bowlful please
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 07, 2018
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
Though pleased with the plentiful housing options for his people, Aquaman still frustrated by lousy and limited options for decent pizza
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: The flies swarming Central Florida are perfectly normal, and not in response to a local manifestation of Beelzebub. He's more of a Key West kind of dude
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 06, 2018
(CBS News)
 
Woofday
 
Blind dachshund and pit bull who acts as his "guide dog" have found a forever home together. Welcome to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 05, 2018
(ABC News)
 
 
 
With all due respect Mr. Clinton, could you please take a page from W, and just STFU and disappear?
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Paul will be in jail in less than a Manafortnight
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C-SPAN)
 
 
 
What does it matter and who really cares? With no one to turn to when she's not there. Ah, but it's all right, I'll get by. Sarah please, show up at 2 PM EDT for the White House Briefing
source: c-span.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Simona Mangiante Papadopoulos, come on down: You're the next contestant on Fox News' "Who Wants a Pardon Now?"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Simona Mangiante Papadopoulos, come on down: You're the next contestant on Fox News' "Who Wants a Pardon Now?"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Giuliani says, listen Trump can't help but lie non-stop, he has some sort of mental defect. I swear, he didn't lie on purpose. Please let him ruin the country. It's his greatest desire
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baltimore Sun)
 
 
 
4 hours of Ellicott City flooding video condensed into 4 minutes. Will the person with grey coupe parked beneath the dumpster please remove it from the culvert?
source: baltimoresun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Gallery: "The opening is delayed because of rotting fish". Artist:" You cretins. That's intentional. It's rotting fish artwork." Gallery:" Please let us finish, the opening is delayed because of rotting fish artwork on fire." Artist:"0_o"
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 03, 2018
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
It has been a month let's see how things are going on the Big Island. A 12-acre lava lake is missing and Kilauea is cracking. So, I'm guessing not so good. WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE GRAB THAT DAMN CAT
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 02, 2018
(CNN)
 
 
 
Army specialist Christopher Harris died in Afghanistan before meeting his newborn daughter. His unit recently did a photo shoot welcoming the baby. Can someone please get rid of all the dust in here??
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 01, 2018
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: if you leave a gun in your car, it may be a welcome find for the escaped prison inmate who drives away with it
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 31, 2018
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Samantha Bee calls Ivanka a "feckless c**t." So I guess Bee is, um, feckful? Fecked? Feckish or fecky? And what's a c**t? Chat? Coat? Cart? Clot? Coot? Cent?
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 30, 2018
(PopCulture)
 
 
 
Tucker Carlson compares the cancellation of Rosanne's show to book burning. Can someone please buy him a history book so he can learn one thing is not like the other?
source: popculture.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 29, 2018
(Time)
 
 
 
USGS: "Please don't roast marshmallows over the erupting Hawaii volcano." Hawaiians: "Hold my beer"
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
Everyone please remain calm. This Friday is national doughnut day, and there will be free doughnuts. I SAID REMAIN CALM
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Bethesda Studios: Please Stand By
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 28, 2018
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Asinine: Small Alaska town's only ambulance vandalized. Spiffy: Wisconsin tourist buys them a new one. Hero: ...and drives it there
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WAFB Baton Rouge)
 
 
 
Man pleads no contest to 5-year-old girl's rape, sentenced to 90 days of house arrest and doesn't have to register as sex offender. Article sums it up perfectly: "Burgess is very wealthy"
source: wafb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 25, 2018
(Bend Bulletin)
 
 
 
Drugged driver who seriously injured and blinded a man broke down and cried in the courtroom, asking for mercy. That's when prosecutors played tapes of him laughing and mocking his victim while he was in jail
source: bendbulletin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deslidefied)
 
 
 
Here are the most ridiculous things you can be fined for in each state. Now can you please tell my fortune?
source: deslide.clusterfake.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(iNews (UK))
 
 
 
'This is like an AA meeting' - TV viewers admit their guilty pleasures, from Riverdale to Ex On The Beach
source: inews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 24, 2018
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Please enjoy Mike Huckabee's stand-up routine over North Korea
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
59 percent of Americans believe Mueller's investigation has found nothing so far
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 23, 2018
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Armed robbery is minor hiccup on life path if you are good enough at sports ball to be recruited by university with strong fan base. Same fan base would probably be outraged if a similar defendant wink wink who sucked at sports got this plea deal
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vancouver Sun)
 
 
 
Hello, I'm Morgan Freeman. This is the final stop on your TransLink line. Remember what your mom used to say: Please keep your feet off the furniture. Have a great titty sprinkles day
source: vancouversun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Mueller's investigation has won indictments of 17 people in Trump's orbit and five guilty pleas which means only one thing: time to reopen the investigation into Hillary's emails
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 22, 2018
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
"Doctor" who plead guilty and was sentenced to 45 years in prison for misdiagnosing/over-treating 553 patients with cancer and raking in over $17 million in fraudulent billings has decided he's not guilty after all and wants his conviction tossed
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Purdue Pharma, the makers of OxyContin, could have been put out of business 10 years ago, but Rudy Giuliani brokered a deal that kept their execs out of jail, and let them keep selling the pills to the government
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Michael Cohen's business partner agrees to cooperate as part of plea deal. Oh, and he's Russian. But, hey, who isn't these days?
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 21, 2018
(Gizmodo)
 
Weeners
 
The reasons for the colors that sex toy makers pick for their dildos et al (Not Safe For Work - please don't post pics of sex toys inline)
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Virginian-Pilot)
 
 
 
Please note: while there are many effective ways to sabotage your own legal defense, copyrighting your homemade child porn is high on that list
source: pilotonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 20, 2018
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
By our dancing like water droplets in a searing hot skillet, screaming like a little girl, and cursing like a sailor. Next question please
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 19, 2018
(CNN)
 
 
 
U.S. Policy for close to 300 years: We do not negotiate with terrorists. Trump: Let's just divert our B-52 bombers to please Kim Jong-Un
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 18, 2018
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
While nobody was paying attention, the Feds have shut down possibly the largest case of medical fraud on record
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: if you're going to call in bomb threats to mosques, the FBI is in possession of a cunning technology known as "caller ID"
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Easier than making yourself stop clicking Next Turn on a 4X game it's the Friday Fark Gaming Thread. Link goes to a free copy of Galactic Civilizations II Ultimate Edition. What have you been playing? Side note: leave your GOG/Steam usernames please
source: humblebundle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(wookiemonster)
 
 
 
Help old school Ultrafarker Wookiemonster get 1,000 follows for his feature film project. Grand prize is $25k, and only 33 entries. Please help :)
source: seedandspark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Everyone said I was daft to build a Manafort on a swamp, but I built in all the same. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 17, 2018
(Twitter)
 
 
 
House rejects Trump's bribe...I mean, "bailout" for Chinese manuspying company ZTE. Expect an announcement shortly by the Chinese declaring they're pulling out of the Indonesian Trump Tower and Corrupt Pleasure Palace
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Apparently Bumble Bee has been up to something fishy but only the customers get stung
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
Here's all of the witchery exposed in year one of the Mueller investigation
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action A Go-Go)
 
 
 
The Predator films ranked from "GET TO THE CHOPPA" all the way to "please do not get on the choppa, your sacrifice is appreciated"
source: actionagogo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Aliens in the Multiverse? Please. Here's why dark energy doesn't tell you anything
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 16, 2018
(Geek.com)
 
 
 
Man plea-bargains ticket for 400MPH over the limit down to conviction for 10 over
source: geek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Teacher: Please don't record me drowning these raccoons in class | Students: Hold my beer
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
"She researched how to remove gun residue, visiting websites titled: 'tips on removing gunshot residue,' 'suspect urinated on hands to wash away gunshot residue,' 'can urine block out gun powder' and 'five great uses for pee'"
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 15, 2018
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Pontiac woman accused of killing boyfriend, tries to escape detection by disguising self as... Damn, a rabid Oompa Loompa?
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The State)
 
 
 
Please do not try to catch or play with the Kangaroo in Clarks Hill
source: thestate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Please stop asking the cast of Black Panther to do the "Wakanda Forever" salute
source: io9.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Please do not try to pick up snapping turtles. They are named that for a reason. Signed: Lefty
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Sports)
 
 
 
Dear Oakland A's, when you come to Canada to play the Toronto Blue Jays, please tell Bruce Maxwell that he can't enter the country. Thanks, Canada Immigration and Border Security
source: mlb.nbcsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
Weeners
 
Ruler-toting Iowan pleads guilty for trying to take measure of a man
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 12, 2018
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Do you shave your body hair to please your partner? This woman thinks you shouldn't have to, and now the internet is overreacting to her personal choice
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 11, 2018
(KRQE News)
 
 
 
New Mexico wants to charge a $50 fee for keeping bees; says the fee will go toward inspections. As in: "Let's see the bees." "Here they are." "Thank you. That will be $50, please"
source: krqe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Mueller decides to take a crack at where all that unspent Inauguration money came from and where will it go. Hint: Trump Slush Fund and Pleasure Palace
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Menendez: So what did the president know about the Trump Org trying to bribe the President of Panama to save their mob hideout in Trump Panamanian Pleasure Palace?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Kentucky Trump Campaign Chair and former Federal Judge sentenced to 20 years in prison for the sustained sexual trafficking of at least 20 minor females that had been assigned to his courtroom. What? No pizza?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 09, 2018
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Russian troll farm pleads not guilty, organizes rally to prevent Mueller from eating more babies
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
"Somebody help me. Somebody come to my office and get the lizard please - I'm gonna cry, I have sandals on - I have sandals on"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 07, 2018
(The New Yorker)
 
 
 
Won't somebody please think of the vaping children
source: newyorker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 06, 2018
(Sporting News)
 
 
 
Attention celebrities: if you wish to perform the National Anthem prior to a sporting event, please a) learn the words, b) learn the song, and c) did we mention learn the words?
source: sportingnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 05, 2018
(The Desert Sun)
 
 
 
Foodies credited with hounding Hard Rock Hotel out of Palm Springs. "Judging by its Yelp page, customer's displeasure with the hotel was not limited to its cuisine"
source: desertsun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Teen Vogue)
 
 
 
Kelly Townsend (R-abbit) thinks it best to ask the Twitterverse: "Please educate me on what a furry is"
source: teenvogue.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 04, 2018
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Donald J Trump cares for America's Veterans, believe him on that. Also, please ignore the rapid collapse of the VA as everyone runs away screaming and crying from the giant dumpster fire he has made there
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 03, 2018
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Your attention please. Now warming up #46, Mike Pence, #46
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 02, 2018
(Cincinnati Enquirer)
 
 
 
Man finds out he's paying Ohio river bridge's electric bill. Duke sucks
source: cincinnati.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Brooklyn jail guard hoisted on his own enormous, hook-shaped, easily identifiable petard
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Ethics- none for me please - Sincerely the FCC
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 01, 2018
(Politico)
 
 
 
In Indiana, morons duke it out for who can be the most moronic. Somehow, these Trump farkers think they got it going on. Umm, please give us more people who think running like junior Trumps is a good idea
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
San Francisco's BART system introduces new strategy to keep elevators from stinking after PLEASE FLUSH BEFORE EXITING signs fail to make a difference
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C-SPAN)
 
 
 
How badly will the press suck up to her following the hilarious and well-deserved mockery she recieved at the WHCD? Will Karem get ignored again? Somebody please think of Sarah This is YOUR WH Press Briefing (LGT C-SPAN @ nowhere near 1430 EDT)
source: c-span.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 30, 2018
(Foreign Policy)
 
 
 
"Optimism about Korea will kill us all." No, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel, please
source: foreignpolicy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Popular Upstate NY cave offers nudist tour by lantern light. In case I can't make it, please give your mom my spelunk
source: newyorkupstate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 29, 2018
(soranews24)
 
 
 
Dear teenage boys: if an older man approaches and requests that you sneeze into a Kleenex for him and offers you $9, "Never take him up on the offer. If you feel uncomfortable, please go to the nearest police box and file a report"
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Remember that sense of accomplishment you felt when you finally mastered how to drive using a clutch? Well, if you do, grandpa, please stay out of the left lane and turn your damn blinker off
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 27, 2018
(Lifehacker)
 
 
 
♪♫♬ Oh another Wells Fargo settlement is a-comin' down the street,♬ oh please let it be for.... pushing 401Ks from low-cost options into expensive individual accounts that cost retirees tens of thousands ♪♫♬ (seriously, fark these guys)
source: twocents.lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Will the Koreas announce unification? Will Mueller stop giving America blue balls of justice? Will Trump also plead the fifth? THIS is your Trump scandal rumor/speculation thread "What the hell else will drop this week?" Edition. (~5pm news dump)
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Electric buses are hurting the oil industry. Won't someone please think of the poor, starving oil execs?
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 26, 2018
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Whoever left Grandma at Whole Foods 2-3 years ago, please claim her before they throw her out
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Syfy)
 
 
 
Allison Mack story gets gets more weird. She allegedly married actress Nicki Clyne so she could stay in the country and cult
source: syfy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 25, 2018
(WRIC Richmond)
 
 
 
Please don't punch Publix employees if they don't answer your questions immediately while they're stocking shelves. They might be deaf
source: wric.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 24, 2018
(LA Weekly)
 
 
 
Jerry Lewis commissioned a 1962 family portrait with big eyes, clown suits, and... I'm sorry, could you please stop manspreading like that Jerry? Please?
source: laweekly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
Life can be pretty funny. One day you're running for mayor of New Orleans and the next thing you know you're pleading no contest in a public masturbation case
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Michael Flynn Jr says his dad didn't lie to Pence about his contacts with Russian ambassador Kislyak. That means Pence lied about it and the whole justification for firing Flynn is a lie. Or Jr.'s just talking out of his ass again. #PIZZAGATE
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 23, 2018
(DFW Star-Telegram)
 
 
 
Remember the black woman in Texas who got five years in prison for voting while on probation? A Republican judge in the same county just got five years probation for the felony of submitting fake signatures to qualify for the primary ballot
source: star-telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 21, 2018
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
Attn. NYC passengers: Please don't bother the tour bus driver while the vehicle is in motion. He's trying to watch TV
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My San Antonio)
 
 
 
Not news: man sentenced to 50 years for theft. This is an outrage: for fajitas. What the holy loving fark: $1.2 million worth of fajitas
source: mysanantonio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 20, 2018
(Fark)
 
 
 
I need to lose weight; what's a light beer that doesn't suck too badly? Difficulty, no AB products please
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 19, 2018
(Document Cloud)
 
 
 
Here are the Comey memos, for your reading pleasure
source: documentcloud.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
If you haven't had the Justice Office of the Inspector General send a criminal referral to the U.S. Attorney's office in Washington, D.C., today please step forward. Not so fast there, Andrew McCabe
source: mobile.twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
That explosive Southwest Airlines engine is in use on over 8000 Boeing 737s. Can we please be allowed to bring our own booze on board now?
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 18, 2018
(MSNBC)
 
Video
 
Please please please please please please please please please please please please
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 16, 2018
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
ZTE about to go RIP in the USA
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Please stop abandoning unwanted Easter bunnies in Boynton Beach park. They're attracting coyotes, foxes, bobcats to our nice, high-end neighborhood, lowering property values
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 15, 2018
(CNN)
 
 
 
Here come old Comey, he come grooving up slowly, he's got an interviewer, says he's no wrongdoer, he got facts down to his knees, got to be a joker, he just says what he please. This is YOUR official Comey Together interview thread, ABC@10PM EDT
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 14, 2018
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Apparently the basketball fans need someone to hold their little hands and submit threads for them so they can have threads like those mean hockey fans have. Please mighty admins grant them this official playoff basketball and tumbleweed thread
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 13, 2018
(Reuters)
 
 
 
No probation for you
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Trump: "Only mobsters plead the fifth. If you plead the fifth, you must be guilty." Cohen: "Yeah, I'm going to have to go ahead and plead the fifth here"
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 12, 2018
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Trump, day one: "We're quitting the Trans-Pacific Partnership." Trump, day 448: "Can we pretty please rejoin your club, PLEEEEEEEEAAAAASE?" The greatest negotiator, everyone. Simply the best. Bigly
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your listening pleasure - a hand-fart version of Iron Maiden's "Aces High"
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Inflation returning? pffft. Unemployment? naahhh. Oil supply? please. It's somebody's trade war that's got the Fed spooked
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 11, 2018
(TV NewsCheck)
 
 
 
Sinclair clarifies what it meant by "fake news sources" in its viral "anchors held hostage" video. And it's...drumroll please...CNN
source: tvnewscheck.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Awful Announcing)
 
 
 
ESPN: the new worldwide leader in reply-all bedlam. Please take me off this thread, TIA
source: awfulannouncing.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inverse)
 
 
 
NASA would like to remind you that its new InSight Mars lander will be launching May 5th and to please not lick the Mars lander, repeat do not lick the Mars lander
source: inverse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Kos)
 
 
 
"He wakes up in the morning, sh*ts all over Twitter, sh*ts all over us, sh*ts all over his staff, then hits golf balls. F*ck him...If we're going to lose because of him, we might as well impeach the motherf**ker." Please proceed, Congressman
source: dailykos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 09, 2018
(YouTube)
 
 
 
The Meg is pleased to eat you ... The Meg movie trailer is here
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL Sportsfan)
 
 
 
Hi, this is the Ministry of Justice and we've got good news for you, your son wasn't killed in a bus accident. Now please excuse us, we have another phone call to make
source: wralsportsfan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 08, 2018
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Two kids pull the old "two-people-in-a-trenchcoat" trick to scam beer. They don't think their cunning plan all the way through
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 06, 2018
(NBC Chicago)
 
 
 
If you had Best Buy as the next company to suffer a data breach, please step forward and claim your prize of overpriced Monster AV cables
source: nbcchicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Man convicted in boy's drug overdose death also pleads guilty to weapons charges, looking like a horror movie character
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 05, 2018
(Komo)
 
 
 
17-year-old pleads guilty to attacking school principal with spear. To be fair, a 1d6 versatile weapon is about the best you can get unless you take a martial weapons feat
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
17-year-old pleads guilty to attacking school principal with spear. To be fair, a 1d6 versatile weapon is about the best you can get unless you take a martial weapons feat
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 03, 2018
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Police in Warwickshire, England are looking for a suspect on the run. Please contact local authorities if you see this maWHAT THE HELL GUYS?
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PopCulture)
 
 
 
Jared sues judge and prosecutors for 11.4 million footlongs in damages
source: popculture.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PopCulture)
 
 
 
Jared sues judge and prosecutors for 11.4 million footlongs in damages
source: popculture.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Dutch lawyer sentenced to jail, fined $20,000 for lying to Robert Mueller's team. Is first person to be sentenced in Mueller's investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 02, 2018
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Sometimes, the name says it all
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: your cunning plan of wearing masks while robbing a store only works if you put your masks on before going in front of security cameras
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
A third woman has hit the Trump Tower and Pleasure Palace. Oh the humanity
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RedState)
 
 
 
Bully gets a bloody nose and begs his victims' parents to please make the pain stop
source: redstate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 30, 2018
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
We know you were expecting chocolate Easter eggs, kids, but in their place please accept this sack of rotten carrots. You're welcome
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 10 Phoenix)
 
 
 
Arizona teachers: "We're among the worst paid in the country, could you please give us a 20 percent raise?" AZ Governor Doug Ducey: "One percent. That's my final offer"
source: fox10phoenix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
Mary Kay Letourneau's husband is now old enough to drink
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
George W. Bush's ethics lawyer: "We're going to have people going to the slammer over this, the question is who, and how high up this is going to reach...the notion there's no collusion is just ridiculous"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
Plea entered in 'Treehouse of Child Porn' case. 'Bestiality Yurt' and 'Log Cabin of Forcible Sodomy' cases presumably still ongoing
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toledo Blade)
 
 
 
Please note: "Cleavage is my Kryptonite" is not something high school teachers should say on the job
source: toledoblade.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
British water company to homeowners: "Please don't flush your piranha down the toilet"
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
LOLs, Mueller is using Rick Gates to screw Donald, not Paulie F*cksticks
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
LOLs, Mueller is using Rick Gates to screw Donald, not Paulie F*cksticks
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu March 29, 2018
(Distractify)
 
 
 
"Dear tourists, please stop coming here looking for all the penises. Sincerely, the offices of the Reykjavík International Film Festival"
source: distractify.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
Please note: not everyone will accept your therapy goat
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Paul Ryan tells members of the House GOP to please stop openly vying for the position of Speaker of the House as if he were no longer in the room
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed March 28, 2018
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
You get a Pardon, and You get a Pardon. Everyone gets a pardon
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue March 27, 2018
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Won't someone please think of the unemployed mining robots?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Former Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens pens passionate plea to repeal the Second Amendment
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon March 26, 2018
(Ringside News)
 
 
 
Braun Strowman "Wendy's ran out of chicken". Wendy's "Please don't flip the store upside down"
source: ringsidenews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 23, 2018
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
At the Quality Inn hotel, we want you to feel right at home, but please don't walk around naked
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Sam Nunberg refuses to shut the hell up. *munches popcorn* Please, proceed
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Trump to Congress: PSYCH. Seriously you guys suck, but PSYCH. GOP: Thank you sire, you are right as always. Please sir may I have another?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US Department of Justice)
 
 
 
Russian with ties to Trump-brand Florida anchor baby mill pleads guilty to exporting prohibited arms to Russia
source: justice.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu March 22, 2018
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Whoever had Rafael Montero in the "Next Mets pitcher to need Tommy John surgery" pool, please collect your winnings
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
Please note: if you're planning a double murder, a bit of cardio in advance can be advised
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed March 21, 2018
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Oklahoma woman who married her mother pleads guilty to incest, awful Supergirl cosplay
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon March 19, 2018
(Komo)
 
 
 
There's "suspiciously specific denial" and then there's "there are no hazardous materials leaking from these derailed train cars . . . and please stay away"
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Paging Dr. Venkman, please return to the cultural center for a left item
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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