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headlines found matching 'News'
Thu June 04, 2020
(Five Thirty-Eight)
 
 
 
In shocking news, racists don't view themselves as racist
source: fivethirtyeight.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Good news everyone, the recession is over. Now if you could all stop foraging through the dumpster behind my mansion that'd be swell
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
And he looked like such a nice young Pilgrim
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
In other news, it would appear that Greek protesters have torched the US embassy
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 03, 2020
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: How Trump's Twitter tantrum affects Fark
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
7pm Eastern - it's the Fark Livestream News Summary. There were 10 lesser apocalypses in the news cycle in the past 24 hours including mutant ticks and Giant Meteor(s) 2020. Come find out what the other 8 are. Plus important and fun stuff
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
His Orangeness to news organizations: I hereby DEMAND that you correct your stories about me using tear gas on civilians for my Bible photo op. HEREBY DEMAND. News organizations: Uh, we hereby talked to the CDC, and they hereby said it was tear gas
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Great news for millions of unemployed Americans, Wall St is booming so at least there will something to loot
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
Screaming, drunk resident with barking dog doesn't understand citation for noise disturbance, begins stomping on her floor and pounding on the walls. In other news, apartment for rent, cheap
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Good news, one supposes: ADP projects US lost *only* 2.76 million jobs in May
source: adpemploymentreport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ACLU)
 
 
 
ACLU to police: "RELEASE THE LAWYERS"
source: aclu.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFMZ Allentown)
 
 
 
GameStop locations that had 10 copies of Fallout 76 before looting started found they now had 40 after the dust settled
source: wfmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
If you don't know already, the trademark holder for the Ford Mustang named Eleanor in the Gone in 60 Seconds movie series will sue your ass down to the bone and even take your rolling chassis away if you even think of infringing
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 02, 2020
(Axios)
 
 
 
The horror story is over as Steve King loses to primary challenger
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
If you thought Taco Bell was the future of dining out, I have some bad news for you
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
In non-riot news, police chase man on stolen tractor
source: kion546.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Good news doomsdayers, the 6th mass extinction in Earth's history is now accelerating
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Carl Sagan Portal)
 
 
 
The Tuesday Night Science Channel Discussion Thread, 9PM Eastern
source: carlsagan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
In other killer cop news US Court of Appeals rules cops don't automatically get protected from lawsuit when they shoot and kill guy in his own apartment
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
"Activision postpones new Call of Duty content so protestors can 'be seen and heard'". Because why watch the military in action in a video game when you can see the real thing on the news
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Karate expert enthusiastically describes his 'rear naked choke hold' to a nervous cat who has assumed the body of a human Doctor. Sounds weird but this is news in 2020
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
An ABC News/Washington Post poll indicates that since their last poll was taken on March 25th, Joe Biden's lead over Cadet Bone Spur has jumped by 8 points
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Yorker)
 
 
 
Need a break from the news? How about a newly-published short story about fishing, from some up-and-comer named Hemingway
source: newyorker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WOWT Omaha)
 
 
 
Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts refers to black pastors and black leaders he was meeting with as "you people." Does not go well for him after pastor walks out
source: wowt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Lenny Dykstra says the Mets conspired to be 108 snitches against him
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drum)
 
 
 
Some good news: "The evidence indicates that the economic effects of the 1918 influenza pandemic were short-term... society recovered from the 1918 influenza quickly. The Spanish flu left almost no discernible mark on the aggregate US economy"
source: thedrum.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ipswitch Star)
 
 
 
The very dictionary definition of slow news
source: ipswichstar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Van Nuys police responded to complaints of looting by arresting the black store owners. Fark: during a live news broadcast
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 01, 2020
(Slate)
 
 
 
The "SCOTUS' late-night order in South Bay United Pentecostal Church v. Newsom divided the justices into two camps: those who acknowledge reality, and those who ignore it to score ideological points"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
Trump decides to go for a stroll outside White House grounds
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1980, CNN was launched as Ted Turner excavated Wolf Blitzer from the glacier he'd been frozen in since Neolithic times
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 31, 2020
(CarterMatt)
 
 
 
Will Villanelle's newfound softness and Eve's thirst for vengeance and bloodlust help them take down The Twelve? Will the duo team up with Carolyn, whose own thirst for revenge needs sated? The third season finale of Killing Eve, 9 PM ET on AMC
source: cartermatt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Big Think)
 
 
 
"The massive supervolcano that could wipe out the U.S. is overdue." *looks at news* Yeah, I'll say
source: bigthink.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Microsoft replacing MSN journalists with artificiaI intelligence. Evil robot commence
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 30, 2020
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
The devil signs his contract
source: io9.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Dear Deidre: Out of concern for me, Mum put me in her best friend's house so I could more easily commute to my essential job. This incredibly hot cougar and I are boning every night, and she says we are each other's "lockdown prize." Should I stop?
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Remember the Mueller investigation? Pepperidge Farms remembers ... and so do CNN and BuzzFeed News, who successfully sued for more access to witness interviews
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Phil Robertson you are the drake
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 29, 2020
(KSTP St. Paul)
 
NewsFlash
 
Derek Chauvin has been arrested days later than necessary
source: kstp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTP St. Paul)
 
NewsFlash
 
Derek Chauvin has been arrested days later than necessary
source: kstp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chapelboro)
 
 
 
Good news for wetnoses everywhere. Winston, the Chapel Hill pug, did not have the Coronavirus. Duke still sucks
source: chapelboro.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Media Matters)
 
 
 
Fox News: "Well sure, Trump 'may' have promoted violence against the rioters, BUT DID YOU SEE WHAT TWITTER DID?"
source: mediamatters.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Morning rituals: make coffee, grab the newspaper, step out back to admire the sunrise, look at the moose in your pool, listen to the bi- wait, what?
source: ottawa.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTSM)
 
 
 
Police called in to control crowds as beer is once again available in Mexico. It's not news, it's Fark.mx
source: ktsm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Pastor believes Gov Northam is a very naughty boy, and isn't afraid to tell it. On the sign outside his church
source: wfxrtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Siliconera)
 
 
 
Covid take me away, the Sonic the Hedgehog movie is getting a sequel
source: siliconera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 28, 2020
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
In related news, viewers who successfully complete 64-hour Derek Jeter marathon on MLB Network will receive free gift basket
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Thursday. I hope y'all are thirsty, because the news has been enough to drive one to drink today. Welcome to the MSNBC Primetime discussion, starting at 8 PM Eastern
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are back at 6 p.m. Eastern with the Fark Livestream News Summary - today featuring, among other things, new Swiss guidelines for sex workers, fantastic face tattoos, and chonky animals. And a COVID-19 update, probably
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
Thousands of NJ businesses prepared to go rouge if they are not allowed to open by June 1, except for Frenchtown where businesses will go moulin rouge
source: 1010wins.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Oh, shiat. SHIAT? Issue a press release
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Five Thirty-Eight)
 
 
 
The Good News is that the unemployment numbers are stabilizing. The Bad News is that this is NOT good news
source: fivethirtyeight.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
This will probably not shock you, but the head of UFC is an asshole. At least he knows how to take advice from smarter people
source: mmajunkie.usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: It's harder than it looks 👀
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
U.S. GDP contracted 5% in first quarter instead of 4.8%. In other news, you gained 12, not 10 pounds in lockdown
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast, Todd recounts his Cannonball Run from NYC to Tampa in a U-Haul and Drew explains that when Kentucky Governor Beshear says he's not afraid of the Flu Klux Klan, it's because he's got the literal firepower to back it up
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Otherwise pedestrian Mediate clickbait piece notable only for the massively-arrayed derp of the comments, which - like mindless clockwork - hit every single one of the right wing talking points. Check out "johnfored" (nice bot name) and "his" list
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
If you had Advantage as the next rental car company file bankruptcy, pickup your prize on row K #25
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Coming soon: Fox News viewership linked to use of hydroxychloroquine and deaths (scary tags and facepalm tag both deferred to obvious)
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 27, 2020
(News 12 Westchester)
 
 
 
Lawn Guyland's legendary Boardy Barn meat market bar gets ready for the 2020 season. Your dad is still dealing with the STD he picked up there in 1985, so COVID preparedness should be no problem
source: longisland.news12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
You get almost everything else from Amazon, might as well get your news too
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
You get almost everything else from Amazon, might as well get your news too
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stat News)
 
 
 
Moderna executives have cashed out $89 million in shares this year, as stock price has soared on vaccine news. Not an actual vaccine, merely a roadmap up to and including a Phase 1 trial
source: statnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are back with the Fark Livestream News Summary - all the news you need, some you don't, and did China fall for an Onion article about meatpacking plants grinding up sick employees? We report, you decide - 3pm Eastern
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadline)
 
 
 
It will be sunny in Philadelphia for a record-breaking fifteenth season
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
In a shocking turn of events, Biden receives the endorsement of the AFL-CIO
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 26, 2020
(Russian Machine Never Breaks)
 
 
 
Alex Ovechkin wins Maurice 'Rocket' Richard Trophy for record ninth time after tying David Pastrnak for the league-lead in goals with 48. In other news, the NHL season is over
source: russianmachineneverbreaks.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
TV shows, foreign food, and social media influencers are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 3-9 Memorial Day Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Carl Sagan Portal)
 
 
 
The Tuesday Night Science Channel Discussion Thread, 9PM Eastern
source: carlsagan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Falcons now have 17 former first-round picks on roster, almost all of whom were released by other teams for some reason
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Falcons now have 17 former first-round picks on roster, almost all of whom were released by other teams for some reason
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
California church asking Supreme Court to block Gov. Gavin Newsom's restrictions on in-person church services. Matthew 6:6 surrenders
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ladders)
 
 
 
New study finds that if you start to experience the loss of smell it could indicate that you will be getting a more mild case of coronavirus. Hitler's dog relieved
source: theladders.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Kevin Federline prevented Britney Spears from seeing her sons until she self-quarantined for two weeks. In other news, anyone remember Kevin Federline?
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
The oldest piece of gum is 9000 years old, archaeologists found it under your mom's bedside table
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Get Surrey)
 
 
 
Instagram baker has tasty yet healthy chocolate brownie recipe with a special secret ingredient that makes it transcendent and amazing: tinned black beans. Oh wow
source: getsurrey.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Mary Sue)
 
 
 
People reeaaally hate the stupid Hulu catchphrase commercial
source: themarysue.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 25, 2020
(ZDNet)
 
 
 
Like Microsoft and Apple before them, Chrome developers discover that the vast majority of their more important security vulnerabilities stem from using "memory unsafe" programming languages like C. This is good news... for Rust
source: zdnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
I never said I was moving the RNC convention out of Charlotte, fake news, fake news
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
NSFW language in a major news outlet talking about the chances for coronavirus vaccines. Finally, time to update the fark filter
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Fox News host bravely calls for the end of social distancing and the reopening of schools while sitting at home in his mother's basement
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Civil Rights Movement)
 
 
 
Trump's vote-by-mail fear destroyed live on-air--by Fox News
source: thenewcivilrightsmovement.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Health News Review)
 
 
 
The three kinds of COVID stories you shouldn't put too much stock in, especially for modmins who...dammit, they're drinking again and greenlit the lot of them, didn't they? RELEASE THE ANECDOTES
source: us20.campaign-archive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Health News Review)
 
 
 
The three kinds of COVID stories you shouldn't put too much stock in, especially for modmins who...dammit, they're drinking again and greenlit the lot of them, didn't they? RELEASE THE ANECDOTES
source: us20.campaign-archive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Old and busted: trampoline in your garden after high winds. New hotness: illuminated bed stuck to the side of your house
source: leeds-live.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Old and busted: trampoline in your garden after high winds. New hotness: illuminated bed stuck to the side of your house
source: leeds-live.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Good news for the anti-globalists: Thanks to the coronavirus, the end of the new world order is now upon us
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 29 Philadelphia)
 
 
 
In the time of COVID-19, Florida people do Memorial Day weekend as you expect Florida people to do
source: fox29.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 24, 2020
(CarterMatt)
 
 
 
The penultimate episode of season 3 sees Eve trying to determine where Villanelle is hiding. Villanelle is teaming up with Dasha for a rather spectacular assignment. Will there be fallout? Will there be resolution? Killing Eve, 9 PM ET on AMC
source: cartermatt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(VG 24/7)
 
 
 
"Halo 3 will kick off public testing on PC in just a few weeks." Because why spend time making new content when you can just spit-shine the old stuff and resell it
source: vg247.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
In news that is surprising to no one, most of the publicly traded companies kept the loans meant for small businesses
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KCTV5 Kansas City)
 
 
 
Not News: 65 year old Texas man dies. News: due to injuries from aggressive consensual sex from his better half. Fark: an 81 year old man. UltraFark: whom he's related to
source: kctv5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brand Eating)
 
 
 
Chipotle upgrades mobile app ordering functionality, lets you specify Light, Standard, or Extra for all ingredients, excluding odor and pants-staining
source: brandeating.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
STARDOM professional wrestler Hana Kimura has died at age 22
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 23, 2020
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If your dream is to own Elvis Presley's rhinestone studded jockstrap, I have some great news for you, and you are weird
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS8 San Diego)
 
 
 
"We're moving people around just to keep the balls in the air." is a direct quote from A) A basketball coach. B) A porno director. C) The director of California's crappy unemployment system
source: cbs8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Good news, everyone: American conservatives have finally found a contemporary European culture they approve of
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
FX renews the funniest show on television for a third season
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SanDiego UnionTribune)
 
 
 
Oh, A Nutty Network got OANNed with prejudice
source: sandiegouniontribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Good news: only 24 states have uncontrolled outbreaks of coronavirus now. Memorial Day stupids determined to beat that record
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Airline traffic has dropped off so much that even a TV news helicopter can get a slot in the pattern for a major airport
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 22, 2020
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
♫ I need a HERO So I'll just hop across the highway and borrow it til the end of the night He's got to be strong and he's got to be fast ♫ and wow that cop is strong and fast
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
♫ I need a HERO So I'll just hop across the highway and borrow it til the end of the night He's got to be strong and he's got to be fast ♫ and wow that cop is strong and fast
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
World famous psychic forced to cancel tour due to unforeseen circumstances
source: theshot.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
On this week's podcast, a roundup of morons on social media refusing to wear masks, meth hair accessories, and Newsweek's article about Drew being a Time Traveler drops mid-show. Come hear the explanation for Drew's 2015 tweet from the future
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Fifty percent of Fox News viewers believe that Bill Gates is plotting to use a mass vaccination campaign against COVID-19 to implant microchips in people and track their movements. FIFTY. PERCENT
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
First it was Flu Klux Klan rallies at the Capitol, then the dams breaking in Midland, now a live Civil War cannonball found at a recycling center in West Michigan. Subby is going to hole up in Detroit for his own safety
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Apparently Newsweek lets convicted felons write their opinion columns. Bonus: It's delusional
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hindu)
 
 
 
Reprimand your drunk brother for creating a ruckus? Serious business
source: thehindu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Harvard University)
 
 
 
Harvard Medical School says COVID-19 infection grants immunity, and prototype vaccine is effective. Great news for all us Rhesus Macaques
source: hms.harvard.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Biden leads Trump by 8 points. Difficulty: Fox News poll
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Bed Bath & Beyond to re-open 600 stores, bring back 11,000 workers on news we all need a good washing about now
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Shiny metal ass sold separately
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Fox News asks the question no one is asking during the pandemic. And I mean no one
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(San Francisco Chronicle)
 
 
 
Hundreds of mysterious crop circles suddenly appear all over the country. I'm saying it's aliens
source: sfchronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 21, 2020
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
UK newspapers no longer have to publish bad news
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Star Wars' 'pink shorts boom guy' Ken Nightingall dies aged 92. Willrow Hood surrenders
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NESN)
 
 
 
Sort of news: Dolphins fire offensive coordinator after offense is too hard to learn. FARK: The Patriots' offense
source: nesn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
You know things are messed up when Dennis Rodman is as good a news source as any regarding North Korea
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Fapping in station cars to child pornography is no way to cover the news Lester
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
In rare GOOD Covid news, the CDC has a very effective treatment for the version killing kids (MIS-C). Of a test group of 33, the mortality rate was 0 percent, and 82 percent had been discharged from the hospital
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are back at 4pm Eastern with today's Fark Livestream News Update - everything you need to know, some things you don't, and the fantastic return of the Cuomo Brothers sitcom with the episode "What did Andrew really shove up his nose?"
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Her cellphone number used to be Elon Musk's. I hope she answers with "Hello, and welcome to Moviefone Press one if you'd like to hear"
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(We Got This Covered)
 
 
 
More details on the Batwoman story. Ruby wasn't harassed into quitting. She wasn't afraid of getting injured again. She just didn't like the role and was a pain in the ass to work with
source: wegotthiscovered.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KVIA El Paso)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, in Texas, police ask local TV news stations to broadcast a decapitated head. It is not on the back of a turtle
source: kvia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
This story was so over-the-top evil, I assumed it was actually a rare case of left-wing "fake news." Then I googled it
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 20, 2020
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: The story behind Drew's time travel
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
In some good news, the F-35 fighter has at least one thing that works: the ejection seat
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
7pm Eastern Drew and Dallan are back with this week's first Fark News Summary Livestream - all the pandemic news you need, some you don't, Skunk Ape, parallel universes, penguins and cats playing soccer
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Comic Book)
 
 
 
The Snyder Cut of Justice League exists, and will be on the new HBO Max service. Now, release the Abrams Cut of The Rise of Skywalker
source: comicbook.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
You planned on reading your backlog book pile during quarantine but aren't able to. Is there a reason?
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Some more good news in a dark time: Coronavirus causes Beck to cancel his tour
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
News: Federal judge rules citizens afraid of catching Covid-19 can vote by mail. Fark: in Texas
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Batwoman leaves Batwoman. Still not enough for CW not to renew a series
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 19, 2020
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Eminem interested in taking on DMX in rap battle style format on Instagram Live.. In other news, Eminem is 47 years old
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Newsweek recognizes Fark founder Drew Curtis as the new, more accurate Sylvia Browne
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Thumbs up
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Carl Sagan Portal)
 
 
 
The Tuesday Night Science Channel Discussion Thread, 9PM Eastern
source: carlsagan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
Walmart to cancel its online shopping site that was supposed to compete with Amazon. In other news, Walmart apparently had some kind of online shopping site for the last 4 years
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IMDB)
 
 
 
Future newspaper said The Flash goes missing DURING the Crisis, but he's gone missing well AFTER it (because season is over for now). Stargirl to the rescue in her debut on The CW at 8PM EDT, then the Legends get a literal taste of immortality at 9PM
source: imdb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
President Morbidly Obese calls his successor a waste of time. Just because she'll be alive to take my job doesn't mean she knows what's she's doing
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Unsure of how to practice social distancing? Here's the Social Distancing Skunk Ape to the rescue
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Roger Daltrey: "I'm not moaning about anything, but equally as a 76-year-old, I'm not going to be told by anybody to stay in. Go f*** yourselves. We can't wrap ourselves in cotton wool." In other news, younger Farkers ask; "WHO"? (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTHR Indianapolis)
 
 
 
GenCon cancelled for the first time in 50 years
source: wthr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Don't EVER accuse Irish football fans of being Irish in these coronavirus times
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Neil Cavuto addresses the hydroxychloroquine idiocy, warns Fox News viewers it will kill them
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PC Gamer)
 
 
 
Microsoft president admits the company was on 'the wrong side of history' on open source software. Well, it's a start
source: pcgamer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
Fark and Schnitt podcast drop day is moving to Wednesday folks, new one coming tomorrow. Last episode we interviewed Brooke Binkowski from Truth or Fiction about Plandemic and Jacob Wohl
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ProPublica)
 
 
 
Finally some good news: A large group of Americans is already immune to coronavirus. Hooray. We have done it, now we can safely re-ope...excuse me, I skipped a word there: they are immune to EVIDENCE on coronavirus. Sorry, my bad
source: propublica.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
Hurricanes are getting stronger, Leon's getting larger
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Old news: Outside prosecutor brought in to consider charges against the men who killed Ahmaud Arbery . New News: and also, an outside JUDGE to hear the case
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alternative Press)
 
 
 
Zoinks, Scoob, it looks like some people just can't move on
source: altpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 18, 2020
(PureWow)
 
 
 
Hmm 30 minutes before the next online meeting. I guess I could get prepared .... or I could have some fun and pull off a virtual bank robbery in this escape room. 20 minutes huh, gotta go
source: purewow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
It only took eight weeks for John Krasinski to run out of good news
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Senator Elizabeth Warren speaks out on death of her brother from coronavirus, says it didn't have to happen
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WVTM13 Birmingham)
 
 
 
Escaped inmate recaptured after police able to follow his contrail
source: wvtm13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Dow up 840 points, or 3.5%, on news that coronavirus will not impact the wealthy
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Britain says anyone who develops a lack of taste will need to self-isolate. So bad news, Manchester United fans
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
That's not your ear ringing, it's just the dogwhistle coming from Fox News
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
In Florida, 83% of those who died from COVID-19 virus were 65, older. In other news, estate sale bargains are through the roof
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 17, 2020
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Umm... You fellas have nothing to worry about. I'm a professional
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Mitt Romney clutches his pearls and appears to be positioning himself for 2024
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Not News: Yet another YYZ cover. WTFark: on euphoniums
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 16, 2020
(News 4 San Antonio)
 
 
 
PSA: When the three year old asks to pet you and your wife's dog, you should just keep walking, unless you really want to be arrested for attempted kidnapping, perp-walked on the evening news, and run out of the town that you were born and raised in
source: news4sanantonio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brand Eating)
 
 
 
Evoking 90s nostalgia, Kellogg's unveils Pop-Tarts Frosted Confetti Cake Bites, "blinged out with edible glitter"
source: brandeating.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
To sum up: Trump has fired the FBI chief and deputy and four IGs for investigating his crimes, the DoJ chief for not blocking the coverups, and multiple intel officials for not lying about his crimes. Nothing to see here. All is normal
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
We have cameras and YouTube now, we don't need you to tell us what is going on
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Santa Fe New Mexican)
 
 
 
If you're wondering what happened to your trench roller, your skid-steer loader or your hot air balloon gondola, Santa Fe police may have good news for you
source: santafenewmexican.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bring Me the News)
 
 
 
News: Arsonist on the loose in Minneapolis. Fark: With a flamethrower
source: bringmethenews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News-Gazette)
 
 
 
University of Illinois students line up at local watering hole for masks-optional cold beer and hot COVID-19
source: news-gazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 15, 2020
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Astrid Kirchherr passes away. Oh well, there goes the 'That Seventies Show' reunion we've all been waiting for
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Herald Tribune (SW Florida))
 
 
 
After nearly two months of tough sacrifice, hipster finally gets to show off his top hat in the news
source: heraldtribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Russia's coronavirus deaths may be higher than reported, according to exclusive reporting from the Ric Romero Institute for Timely News
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Food sales, food shortages, food excesses, weird food flavors, and of course Florida Man are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 26-May 2: Dead Chunk of Tree Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Matt Damon is trapped in Ireland quarantine and he's bloody luvin' it. Maaaatt Ooo'Daaaammmmmonnn
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"What will happen if Trump loses and then takes to Twitter to say he actually won? It's not hard to see how deadly that could become, particularly given that Fox News personalities are already absurdly throwing around the word 'coup'"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Free Beacon)
 
 
 
"China is threatening to meddle in the upcoming U.S. presidential election...." Wait. Have they gotten permission from the Russians to do this?
source: freebeacon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
Fake noob thanks fake news for fake news while threatening fake news with fake news
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Guns, nooses, and Meal Team Six make up the Flu Klux Klan
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Go get em, Joe
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Wisconsin nurse goes full Wisconsin with news crew at bar after virus restrictions tossed out
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 14, 2020
(The Register)
 
 
 
Not news: android spyware thriving and conniving on the Google Play Store. News: for four years
source: theregister.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are back with the Fark Daily News Summary Livestream at 4pm Eastern. Come find out what happened today that was important, under the radar, not important at all, and just plain weird
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Ever wanted to get blackout drunk on wine and wake up with a face tattoo? Well, good news; Post Malone is unveiling his own brand of wine
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Onion)
 
 
 
America's Finest News Source is here with the explainer in the killing of Ahmaud Arbery that will finally clear up all the questions
source: theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
"9 reasons you should be worried about the closure of BuzzFeed News in Australia." ʇxǝu suǝddɐɥ ʇɐɥʍ ǝʌǝᴉๅǝq ʇ,uoʍ no⅄
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
In a little bit of good news, renewable energy poised to eclipse coal in US
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Know of any good murder hornet recipes?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Taco Bell shut now for hours after employees could not tell the difference between the food and the bottle of bodily waste Georgia Woman tossed into the drive-thru window
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Taco Bell shut now for hours after employees could not tell the difference between the food and the bottle of bodily waste Georgia Woman tossed into the drive-thru window
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
No idea why this is in the news right now, but Kim Jong Un was into some interesting porn as a teenager (possible NSFW content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Appliance delivery driver records as HOA president blocks in his vehicle and demands to know what he's doing and who gave him the gate code. Guess their skin colors
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 13, 2020
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
Let's see how Ohio's worker reporting website is holding up... OMG 4 h4x0R KILl3d i7 PWn3d
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Masks not required in Oklahoma courthouse, briefs still OK
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are back at 7pm eastern with the Fark Daily News Summary. We'll cover what's important, what's not, and moms flashing boobs at babies on Tik Tok among other things
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Sen. Hirono: "He can't handle women, particularly strong women, and we know that Trump is xenophobic, and it comes out time and again"
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Chris Cuomo calls out the elitists at Fox News being okay with another 10,000 dead of Coronavirus
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Group runs anti-Trump ad on Fox News. "Our nation's founders fought a war to get rid of a king. So when they wrote our Constitution, they designed a government in which everybody ― even Trump― must obey the law." Difficulty: Republican group
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
In other news, Valerie Bertinelli is 60
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
In case you aren't a law-talking guy you should know that Judge Sullivan's order requesting "amicus briefs" in the Flynn case and declining the prosecution's request to drop charges is HIGHLY unusual....and bad news for Flynn
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
The Mandalorian has enrolled at Greendale
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DW)
 
 
 
So you have a Canadian girlfriend? Hold my beer and watch this
source: dw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Good news everyone, you can buy your very own robot murder dog for only $900
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 12, 2020
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Coach Quinn contemplating kicking competition, causing Koo consternation
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Coach Quinn contemplating kicking competition, causing Koo consternation
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Fox News tells its employees to continue working from home for at least another month -- as its hosts call for stay-at-home orders to be lifted and for people to go back to work
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Carl Sagan Portal)
 
 
 
The Tuesday Night Science Channel Discussion Thread, 9PM Eastern
source: carlsagan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Chickens. Not just for choking anymore
source: atlantic.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
New antibody data suggests that Ohio's first case of Covid-19 was in early January. Vintage tag because that was, like, ages ago, man
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Den Of Geek)
 
 
 
Rob Liefield is doing everything he can to make sure he's not invited to work on Deadpool 3
source: denofgeek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Vice President Pence receives good news as prayers are answered
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Russia: Overloaded ventilator bursts into flames and kills five coronavirus patients
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(1011 Now Lincoln)
 
 
 
Not news: Police initiate traffic stop knowing driver doesn't have license, pursuit ensues. News: Car wrecks, police pull driver from car, it's the wrong driver. Fark: Police cruiser and pulled over vehicle both catch fire
source: 1011now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 11, 2020
(Squarespace)
 
 
 
In Soviet Russia, X-ray films were listened by YOU
source: x-rayaudio.squarespace.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Most of President Trump's tweets about to get asterisked as fake news
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Michigan considers banning guns in the state capitol after armed protests. in other news, it's legal to bring a gun to the Michigan state capitol
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brand Eating)
 
 
 
Facing fresh beef shortage, Wendy's alters the $5 Biggie Bag Deal, trades Bacon Double Stack for Crispy Chicken Sandwich, six chicken nuggets, and a Frosty to be named later
source: brandeating.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
As part of the latest proposal for shortening the 2020 MLB season, they may eliminate the DH. Finally, the silver lining we've been looking for
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Commercial building on edge of collapse. Officials unsure how long the commercial break will take
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 10, 2020
(Comic Book)
 
 
 
I roll to disbelieve in the existence of an official My Little Pony/Dungeons and Dragons crossover product. *natural 1* Well crap, I roll to submit it to Fark for greenlighting
source: comicbook.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Good news: Trump's 100,000 ventilators are coming in only a week behind schedule. Better news: We don't need them
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
MealTeamSix goes to a Subway sandwich shop
source: dailysoundandfury.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Vice President Pence not self-isolating after positive aide's test
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Hush, y'all; Subby didn't wait this time. New threat in the "A Secret Kept from all the Rest" season finale of BATWOMAN at 8PM EDT, then siblings set aside differences and Kara takes on Leviathan on "The Missing Link" on SUPERGIRL at 9PM, both on The CW
source: batwoman.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Dr. Birx goes full Trump
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Health officials say if you really want to show love to your mom on Mother's Day, just stay the fark home
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Herald Mail Media)
 
 
 
In news that will shock absolutely no one, Floridians are going full Florida. You should never go full Florida
source: heraldmailmedia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Somehow Fox News doesn't see anything wrong with reporting a "call to arms about Dems" because (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) that's just a simple turn of phrase and (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) doesn't really mean anything
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
News: One of the two Starbucks across the street from each other that inspired a Lewis Black rant has closed. Not News: The other Starbucks is still open. Fark: As is the Starbucks inside the Barnes & Noble next door
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Article says that contagion in the White House would be catastrophic and threaten national security. I disagree
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 09, 2020
(TMZ)
 
 
 
What could be more 2020 than cruise ship bookings surging to new highs
source: amp.tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Comet Atlas doesn't want to get on the cart. Feels happy
source: newsinfopark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Trump claims the US COVID-19 response is the envy of the world. Laughter so loud, it's showing up on seismometers
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
NYPD reveals 81% of social distancing arrests have been minorities because NYPD, duh
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Good news gentlemen, dress pants are out. Denim is in
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WOODTV Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
Baja California governor warns people to avoid Mom on Mother's Day. Now has a chancla with his name on it
source: woodtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
Temuera Morrison (Jango Fett and the Clones from the prequels) has been cast as Boba Fett for the second season of "The Mandalorian." This is good news for the Sarlacc
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 08, 2020
(Science News Magazine)
 
 
 
Door-to-door testing can tell us a lot about how COVID-19 has spread, help lizard people to monitor the human population
source: sciencenews.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
What kind of landlord doesn't charge rent Trump ponders before remembering he is supposed to be honoring said landlord
source: 1010wins.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Three David Bowie concerts from the 90s getting released over the next few months
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Gov. Newsom signs executive order allowing every registered voter to vote by mail. What's next? Will the nation-state of California announce the creation of its own Postal Service?
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
In these dark times, we all need a good police / duckling intervention
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WOODTV Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
Armed activists escort Michigan lawmaker to work
source: woodtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Pence's staff coughs up a viral infection. This is not a euphemism
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WEAR Pensacola)
 
 
 
In other news, Northwest Florida is burning down
source: weartv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Stock market bullish on news that only 20.5 million jobs were lost in April, unemployment rate is only 14.7%
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KKTV Colorado Springs)
 
 
 
Not news: Restaurant defies closure order in rural Colorado. News: Owner welcomes jail time. Fark: "Karen's Kafe"
source: kktv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Economists have some bad news for most of the 77% of Americans out of work who think they'll have a job to come back to
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Bad news for both Roughriders fans and Rough Riders fans
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Not news: Jeep Wrangler tips over while off-roading. New hotness: Jeep Wrangler tips over during indoor instrumented crash testing
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 07, 2020
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
George Conway shares just why the president lashes out at him and others who point out his flaws, though he doesn't tell us just what kind of couch he sleeps on
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are livestreaming the Fark Daily News Summary at 7pm tonight. Come for the news you need, stay for the monkey videos
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Thirsty Thursday is upon us and goodness knows the news today is enough to drive a soul to drink. So, grab a cold one and join us in the MSNBC Primetime thread, starting at 8 PM Eastern
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Joe Biden poised to disrupt campaign conventions from his basement and become the hottest bad boy in the media game
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Golf Digest)
 
 
 
Nick Price says caddie was joking about being drunk during his record-setting round at the 1986 Masters. It's not as if someone could pitch a no-hitter while tripping on LSD
source: golfdigest.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Barron's)
 
 
 
Good news for all of you who still have a job and a 401k, the Nasdaq is back in positive territory for the year
source: barrons.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Fox News is determined to get people killed
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: A Fark status update, plus - is Drew a time traveler?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Register)
 
 
 
Data center reveals it modeled interiors on The Hunt for Red October sets. ping -c 1
source: theregister.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
"This is the role I was born to play," says Macaulay Culkin of his American Horror Story character, which will have "crazy, erotic sex" with Kathy Bates's character. Well, there's always the murder hornets
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Wacky Japanese food, video games, and an excessive amount of pop culture are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 19-25: Martha Stewart Edition
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(MovieWeb)
 
 
 
Netflix green-lights Shadowrun-Lite 2
source: movieweb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Great news for everyone depressed by the pandemic: Cleveland Browns single-game tickets go on sale today
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)
 
 
 
Sarah Palin says, let me get in on this anti-science crapola. I love stupid
source: dfw.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
The International Canoe Federation is making plans to ensure it's not stranded up Cancelled Olympic Creek. In other news, there's an International Canoe Federation
source: accesswdun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bleacher Report)
 
 
 
News: Earl Thomas held at gunpoint. Fark: by his wife. TotalFark: because he was cheating. UltraFark: with his brother
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(Twitter)
 
 
 
Not News: male peacock struts with giant tail feathers. Fark: Those male peacocks can actually fly?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 06, 2020
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are bringing the Fark Daily Livestream news update at 5pm eastern today. What's important, not important, overlooked, and video of farting Gorillas. There's no better use of your time than this
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
CBS renews 23 shows; wishes Edie Falco, Patricia Heaton, Matt LeBlanc, and Pauley Perrette all the best in their next endeavors
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Only in rural Saskatchewan do you get a news story about 68k worth of stolen wheat, which happened sometime between January 1st and February 23rd
source: regina.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
Fark and Schnitt podcast: Peter Sagal tells us about surviving both the Boston Marathon Bombing and the LA Riots, as well his guess as to when things will return to normal. Plus, the secret strange connection between Fark and Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me is finally revealed
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
For those missing the Cold War, we've got some good news
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science News Magazine)
 
 
 
Researchers report DISCOL experiment may have damaged undersea microbes for decades. Apparently, the microbes didn't react well to flairs and LED dance floors
source: sciencenews.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Variety)
 
 
 
Cate Blanchett to Borderlands fans: s'up
source: variety.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Sentient garbage heap Greg Gutfeld blames the pandemic on Adam Schiff and impeachment
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Good news, Illinois: You may be able to get mixed drinks to go from your favorite bars soon
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Good news on the Malaria front; it has been"completely stopped" by a microbe. Now on the Covid-19 front, not so much good news
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 05, 2020
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
When Gallant gets upset with the media, he writes strong emails to news stations. When Goofus gets upset with with media, he takes the smart TV he paid good money for outside and smashes it with a hammer. That'll show 'em
source: god.dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Carl Sagan Portal)
 
 
 
The Tuesday Night Science Channel Discussion Thread, 9PM Eastern
source: carlsagan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Good news: Biden can tout his work on 2009 economic recovery as part of campaign. Bad news: HE'S WEARING A TAN SUIT
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Well now we know why he exited stage left so fast: NY AG now investigating NBC News over sexual assault, discrimination claims focusing on suddenly-departed chief Andrew Lack
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FactCheck)
 
 
 
There is absolutely NO evidence to back up Trumps claim that Biden wrote him "a letter of apology" for criticizing his China "travel ban". But you knew that already because if existed, a copy would have been mailed with every stimulus check sent out
source: factcheck.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nerdist)
 
 
 
Now, THIS is a reason to stay home and in bed, even if you can go back to work
source: nerdist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
In other news, the 'Beer Fairy' has horns and no pants
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are going early with the Fark News Update livestream. Got a boatload of stuff, some important, some not, what's under the radar, and a stray cat named Bunny who knows what he wants. 3:30pm eastern
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Good news: the number of new NY coronavirus cases are headed down. Bad news: the number of national coronavirus cases, excluding NY, are headed up. Farkward: if you put the two together, new coronavirus cases are looking...flat
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Wal-Mart returns $12.6 million in federal health stimulus cash. In other news, WAL-MART got $12.6 million in federal health stimulus cash
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Trump ordered his Secretary of the Interior to lift the event ban on The Lincoln Memorial so he could have a town hall with Fox News
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"Watching Fox News can get you killed"
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Old head of NBC News Lacks a job
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sky.com)
 
 
 
Hate crimes against Chinese soaring during COVID crisis
source: news.sky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Positive news from the pandemic. 54% of Americans like you. Over there. A little farther. More
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 04, 2020
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Editor of Santa Barbara News-Press decides he can no longer parrot the views of an owner who compares covid restrictions to the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man stabs roommate in attempt to release Satan. Look, the Weekly World News taught me that Satan only escapes through oil wells that reach hell, so don't play those games with me
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
In today's Fark News that Matters™, that Donkey Kong high score defamation suit continues to barrel onward
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Not News: senior citizen asks questions about hotel reservations website; NEWSFLASH: Justice Thomas, during teleconferenced oral arguments
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Good news Jaguars fans
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Only the virus could rein in the Prancing Pony
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"I'm a sensible liberal; my father is a right wing conspiracy theorist who frequently shares 'news' articles on Facebook with insane claims. I've tried to fact-check him; he says I betrayed my family's beliefs and values. Should I find a new family?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
Several malls, retail stores in Central Florida to reopen today. In other news, people still go to malls?
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(We Are Central PA)
 
 
 
Small town news: stray pet on the loose. Fark: stray pig on the loose
source: wearecentralpa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Fox News town hall designed to be a softball for Trump wound up being a fastball to the nads
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 03, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
So, how did Lex come to power after the Crisis on Infinite Earths? And what does Kate need to get from Batman's arsenal? New Batwoman tonight at 8PM EDT, followed by the first new Supergirl in awhile at 9PM, both on The CW
source: batwoman.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Post Malone and Lil Uzi Vert may collaborate on new album, whatever the fark that means
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Christine O'Donnell: Oh, Biden wasn't even at the 2008 First State Gridiron Dinner I've accused him of being a pervert at? Must've been the 2007 one. NARRATOR: Biden didn't attend that one either
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Not news: Local newsman fired for ethics violations. News: For retweeting that the group storming the Michigan capital are "white nationalist Nazi sympathizer gun fetishist miscreants"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
'No news is good news.' 'Ignorance is bliss.' Forewarned is.. not happening here
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 02, 2020
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Good news sports fans. The NBA has issued guidelines reopening. No, not that NBA, the other one - the Nevada Brothel Association
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: "Blue Hill church is using lobsters to jumpstart its local economy." Maybe they'll beef things up by disregarding separation of turf and steak
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
...and in other news, they're making another Transformers movie
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Free chocolate, free beer, free wildlife, and free museum tours are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 12-18 BBQ edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Somerset Live)
 
 
 
Subby's an expert on this too, and what they're actually saying is, "You've dropped your dinner on the floor"
source: somersetlive.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 01, 2020
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Livestream is going to be a half-ass Daily News Summary - half-ass because Sierra is going to sub for Dallan. Come see what Drew's zero video experience results in, along with what his 10-year old punkass daughter thinks of today's news. 7pm et
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
Lars Ulrich is obsessed with Rage Against the Machine right now. In other news, Lars Ulrich is pretty much the embodiment of the same machine RATM was raging against, manifested in the form of a musician
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
Who was that masked man who licked a woman on the subway? Seriously, police want to know
source: 1010wins.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Not News: States start to lift restrictions. News: State governor allows anyone in a household with sick members, high risk members, or kids to stay on unemployment, regardless if they can get work. Fark: Texas
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
It took 60 seconds for someone to debunk Tucker Carlson's lies on Coronavirus in children on his own show
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
"Chinese e-commerce takes soap-opera turn as scandal surrounds three major players." Admittedly it loses a lot in translation, but that's the gist of it
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IGN)
 
 
 
In today's you'll be in your bunk news, Anne Hathaway showed up for her audition to play Catwoman dressed as Harley Quinn
source: ign.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 30, 2020
(Dezeen)
 
 
 
What you didn't know you needed was a transparent crystal foosball table
source: dezeen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Kansas court decides voters don't have to prove they're white in order to vote
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
Fox News and John Turley believe Michael Flynn has been exonerated. No other legal minds appear to agree
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: OhFark!
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPXI.com)
 
 
 
News: Sidney Crosby receives award from the NHL. Fark: Sidney Crosby receives award from the American Brain Foundation
source: wpxi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Robo-Gorilla is watching other gorillas as they sing and fart (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Fake News, historical edition, courtesy of the Daily Fail
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
It's the Fark Daily News Summary at 7pm Eastern. What's important today, what was overlooked, what was downright dumb, and cute animal videos. Celebrating 2 consecutive days without a Facebook takedown notice involving sheep
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHQA Quincy)
 
 
 
Not news: Governor of Illinois issues "stay-at-home" order. News: Is questioned about someone notable violating it. Fark: It's his wife, gone to Florida. Double Fark: Tells reporters to mind their business
source: khqa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Not sports news: Even a Cubs fan recognizes the Cardinals are a more competently run franchise. Sports news: In a lawsuit against the Cubs
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
Female mechanic made some adult videos, male coworkers found them online and watched them at work. Guess who got fired
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
30 million
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS San Francisco)
 
 
 
Not news: Man has sudden urge to distribute hundreds of free face masks. Fark: While driving in the fast lane on the freeway
source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Frankie, Annette, let's pick Gidget up and go surfing down by the ocean. I hear Huntington and Newport have some killer waves. California Governor Gavin Newsom: How about no
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Complex)
 
 
 
Georgia to reduce teen driver's license requirements to "permission slip from mom". Take THAT, government bureaucracy
source: complex.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 29, 2020