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| Tue July 14, 2020 |
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Disturbed that settling the Harvey Weinstein lawsuit would mean some of his victims would never have their day in court, judge tells the New York Attorney General to alter the deal
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It's been ten days since all the 4th of July parties. Let's see what the good book says about how the best performing Covid-19 state, NY, is doing. Here it is... Uh-huh. I see. That certainly makes sense.... We're boned
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Governor of NY to charge out-of-state visitors from high-infection states $2000 if they're being idiots
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NYC blames Trump for a delay in implementing price congestion. Well that and there really hasn't been any congestion since mid-March
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Andrew McCarthy writing memoir of his 80s' Brat Pack days. Young Farkers will say "who?" and "what?". Old Farkers will say "why?"
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Election officials warn they don't have enough money to pull off the November election
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What if Trump is the one behind the increase in gun violence to steal the election? Yeah, I know but it makes as much sense as what he really said
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Oh look, gossip columnist Cindy Adams is castigating Mary Trump and her book in oddly familiar language. Do the Russians have tapes of her too?
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Donnie: Screw the CDC. I'll make my own pandemic data, with blackjack and hookers
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Trump's dreams of ______ is falling apart
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Doctors advise everyone not to listen to Chuck Woolery, whose sole experience with viruses was hosting Love Connection
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Deaths from COVID-19 are a trailing indicator, and here they come. CA, FL, TX, MS, AL, SC, TN, NV, OR, UT, ME
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Governor Cuomo welcomes Jimmy Fallon back to New York City as The Tonight Show returns to the studio
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Looks like Citibank will be getting a bailout
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Tin foil. It's not just for wrapping your head anymore
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Quarantine, here we come, right back where we started from
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New Orleans' K-Paul restaurant is K-Put
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| Fri July 10, 2020 |
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Sewage, heat, and climate change all being blamed for causing an "extreme" Hudson River fish die-off. Absolutely nothing about cement boots being that NYC fishes are too tough to wear rain boots because of a little polluted water
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*A-Chooo* Gesundheit. Here's a superseding indictment
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*A-Chooo* Gesundheit. Here's a superseding indictment
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Normal year: A tropical storm is hitting NYC in July? OMG. Everybody panic. 2020: It's going to rain today
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Electron rocket falls from the sky, ♬Jews in Space♬, iRocket wins contract & is gunning for SpaceX, Minotaur spotted, UK government buys OneWeb, and another COVID-19 delay. These and other stories plus Andy Rooney on this week's Rocket Report ⏱
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Michael Cohen being sent back to prison had nothing to do with him dining at a restaurant after all. It's because he refused to sign an agreement prohibiting him from interacting with the media or writing a book
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Dairy Queen Deb is on the other side of the counter
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After lobbying, Catholic Church won $1.4 Billion in virus aid to help cover those pesky sex abuse payouts
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| (Some Drunk Guy) |
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A new study claims that the average American spent 172 hours drunk during lockdown. What we refer to on Fark as "amateurs"
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The Value of My $150,000 MBA Is Now in Question" says somebody who apparently missed the lecture on how business conditions can change overnight
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If Charlotte the spider had a darker sense of humor, her web would have included some very different words
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Put on your shocked face...Trump wrote the health report he used for his election
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Ghislaine Maxwell given paper clothes for her own protection
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| Thu July 09, 2020 |
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Unfortunately accurate headline of the day to point out the stupid: "America Is Refusing to Learn How to Fight the Coronavirus"
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Short answer: No. Long answer: Nooooooooooooooooooooo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do you think it should be legal or illegal to fire someone due to their political beliefs?
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The Coronavirus is highlighting racial disparities and the political divide
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Welcome to the Detroit Airport lost luggage department. Yes, my bag is missing. Last time I saw it was when I checked it in at Terminal D in LaGuardia Airport ... One moment please
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"When a catastrophic breakout didn't instantly materialize, a clear narrative emerged on Fox News: Florida was right and New York was wrong"
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Pylon, a band I saw a long long time ago at the Whiskey is apparently very much a legend. That's how I saw it but I liked a whole lot of strange music from that time and everything I liked was the greatest, like Wire, XTC, The Jam, Magazine, more
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What should you tell your idiot friends who think quarantine is over?
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Hoo boy, tomorrow's rage tweet explosion might actually shear the White House toilet in two
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After the Senate failed to do their duty, it's up to SCOTUS to determine if Donald Trump (who recently appointed 2 of the 9 justifies) has "total immunity" while in office
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You'll never guess where the new epicenter for the world dystopia is
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| Mon July 06, 2020 |
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Fox News apologizes for removing Trump from photo of with Ghislaine Maxwell while forgetting to remove his hands. To be fair, his hands are tiny and easy to miss
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Subby needs to do the math, but schools opening in a month and it looks like this covid-19 stuff might be dangerous to them too
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Prince Andrew sought Washington lobbyist with ties to the Trump administration to help with Epstein case. Even the Trumper lobbyist was smart enough not to touch this with a ten-foot pole
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two thirds of Georgia Tech's faculty have been turned into rambling wrecks upon hearing the news that the university plans to reopen its campus
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If Trump's Mount Rushmore hate speech sounded familiar, it's because a majority of the alt-right white supremacist talking points were taken directly from Tucker Carlson
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The 10 most-and 10 least-stressed-out states in America: How the hell did New York not make the top ten most stressed out states? Those New Yorkers are extremely high strung
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Employers: "They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. We say, 'Let 'em crash.'"
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Relax, everyone, Kanye West missed the registration deadlines for his presidential bid
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With a name like Smucker's, it may cause your cat to suffer nausea with excessive salivation, diarrhea or vomiting, or more severe symptoms like difficulty breathing and possible cardiac or respiratory failure sometimes leading to death
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| Thu July 02, 2020 |
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Confirmed cases are rising in 40 of 50 states. It would probably be more, but math is, as we have seen, rather hard for some states
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No word on what the over/under will be as NJ to allow gambling on the Nathan's hot dog eating contest but you can bet that you want to be no where near a porta-potty in Coney Island that afternoon
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Mount Rushmore is on land stolen from Native Americans, according to The New York Times, which is also built on land stolen from Native Americans
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Experts predict the July 4 weekend will see a bunch of morons packing public places and exacerbating the spread of Coronavirus because no one can farking stay put
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And the bridge-and-tunnel crowd keeps on laughing
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Novartis pays $729 million to settle U.S. kickback charges, including funneling money through three charitable foundations to cover co-payments of Medicare patients. These are also some of the guys who are working on a vaccine
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New York's latest Coronavirus cluster traced to a man who knew he had symptoms but threw a party with dozens of guests because f*ck it
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Do you have sex in your car or at home? Do you need to wear a mask when kissing and being intimate? Dare you try and hug or hold a hand? And what about flowers and chocolates? In-person dating tales during pandemic are here, and they are fascinating
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Gesundheit Maxwell arrested, no word if she is wearing her choker
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Traders thought Apple had 'the holy grail' of oil data, but then they found out it was proprietary, overpriced, and incompatible with their software
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Hail Mary
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Only two states meet the minimum requirements to even think about reopening
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The NFL shortens its preseason to just two weeks. Should have happened in 1970 and without a pandemic as cause, but we will take it
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Trumps lawyer: My client can't be sued in this court as my client does not live in New York. Trump: I live in Manhattan. Lawyer: Never mind
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| Fri June 26, 2020 |
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If there's any justice in the world, yes. With the way 2020 has been going, his political career will probably end after he's caught blowing Bubbles the clown
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Biden camp concerned as Trump's support among black voters surges to 5%
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New York judge rules that the state doesn't have enough coronavirus spread
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Ernst & Young, the accountants who signed off on Wirecard's books for a decade, say they were victims of an 'elaborate' fraud. 'It's not our fault if, as accountants, we can't count money.'
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Trump's pandemic response is tantamount to genocide
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Think we're in the golden age of geeky, pop-culture films? See what ran in just 10 weeks during the summer of 1982: The Thing, Poltergeist, The Road Warrior, Tron, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Conan the Barbarian, and E.T. Oh--and Blade Runner
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Can you say "liquidate?"
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A ranking of every record Rick Rubin worked on. So, pretty much every record made in the last 40 years
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| Thu June 25, 2020 |
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Governor Cuomo to Republican Governors: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt and it shouldn't be a life strategy either
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Interactive timeline shows how the U S.A. got kicked in the balls by the novel coronavirus
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In denial and Indifferent: Heart of a Narcissist
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Judging by this judge's behavior, he shouldn't be judging others' behavior. Judge behavior
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Oh look, NYPD challenge coins
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"Helpful" Civilization 6-style map to show us all just how screwed we are
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Macy's is cutting 3900 corporate jobs in a new restructuring. In other news, Macy's still had 3900 corporate jobs it could afford to cut
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As Covid-19 spikes in states that opened too early, New York's Covid-19 hospitalizations have fallen below 1,000 for the first time since mid-March. See what happens when you have an adult in charge
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Carly Fiorina just threw her support behind Biden, so I guess he's going to be bankrupt soon
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"Roger, 'rona." "We're the vectors, Victor"
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Sweet, a new record
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Bing's death ruled a suicide, a Google search reports nervously
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| Tue June 23, 2020 |
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There's no reason that we should be scourged by participation trophies
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When selecting a carjacking target, make sure it's one that's comfortable for a long police chase, with soft, heated seats with good lumbar support. Failing that, just sit on the driver, I guess
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The fog's getting thicker, and Penney's list of store closings is getting larrrrrrrger
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You know what's probably not coming on Nov. 3? A result in the race for the White House
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Oh no, New Yorkers aren't rushing back out to expose themselves to coronavirus for the good of the economy. Thanks Obama
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Rhode Island considering changing name to...Rhode Island
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Another American schmear campaign
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New US COVID-19 cases jump 25% last week with the great states of Arizona, Florida and Texas setting records. If the "Hawaii 5-0" theme isn't brainworming you by now, you must already be on a ventilator
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Boom. Boom. BOOM. What's with all the damned fireworks, everywhere, all the time, sometimes into the wee hours of the morn? Subby's theory: assholes conditioning themselves to the constant sound of gunfire, in preparation for November 4th. Thoughts?
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Then one day, like a miracle, Covid-19 was everywhere
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| Fri June 19, 2020 |
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U.S. Attorney to Trump: "No"
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For the Kentucky primary next week, there will be one polling place in Jefferson County, population 767,000, with half of the black voters in the state. Is that going to be a problem?
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Pot warns Americans of kettle
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Stunning new Hubble images reveal stars gone haywire, and it's not even awards season
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The filmmaker once described by the New York Post as the black Woody Allen apologizes for defending the white Woody Allen
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"Where Disney removed other cult Fox titles from fan circulation, public screenings of Rocky Horror have been allowed to continue. Rocky Horror is the Frankenstein story: Frank couldn't control Rocky - he did what he wanted. This is the same thing"
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If you live in a state that Clinton won, you're on the road to recovery. Trumplandia? Boy are you guys f*cked
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New Yorkers are partying in the streets with fireworks. Correction, they are fighting each other with fireworks
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Monkey muffins. Curmudgeon upset that sports players curse. Hell bells, that's a busload of bushwah horse hockey, bless his heart
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Running on 'hopium.' Yes, money's a drug and we all know what happens to addicts if they don't sober up in time
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Hot spot hospitals are beginning to 'roid up, backne be damned
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JetBlue to add 30 routes so people can visit their family and loved ones after all the coronavirus lockdowns
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AMC Theater CEO Adam Aron says their cinemas won't require masks upon reopening because they didn't "want to be drawn into a political controversy." BOTH SIDES
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FEMA paid a newly formed company run by an ex-telemarketer for 4 million test tubes, got 3 million 2 liter soda bottles instead, then approved those and shipped them to 50 states
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| Thu June 11, 2020 |
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Mall operator realizes this might not be the best time to buy another mall operator
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PayPal pledges over $500mil to support minority-owned U.S. businesses, saying the funds should be there by the end of the next business day
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Coronavirus is spreading among fruit and vegetable packers, raising production fears and tossing "the world's salad bowl"
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Owners of Manhattan's oldest record store take their pieces of vinyl and go home
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"Are you a terrorist?" "No." "Do you have the 'rona?" "No." "Ok, here's your boarding pass, enjoy your flight"
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"Don't tase me 'bro." Bronx edition
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"Don't tase me 'bro." Bronx edition
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Creator of the Thin Blue Line flag is here to explain how it's totally not a racist symbol, nor a 'us vs them' mentality for supporting it. Yeah, sure
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Detroit drafts Arizona State slugger Torkelson with No. 1 pick. Jonesman, Nesmithy, and Dolenzer still available
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Headline: "The 10 most expensive cities to be an expat." With China, the US, Japan, Switzerland, Singapore, and others on the list, an ex-pat from where?
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You blew it, America. You were not ready to reopen from the coronavirus
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| Thu June 04, 2020 |
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New York suspends Habeas Corpus because the cyber is hard
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We finally have a winner amid the coronavirus and the riots in the city streets... the suburban real estate market
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Chinese dissident to be honored by PEN American, showing again how strong and vital the American PEN is
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He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. That's the Chicago way. But... but... this is Brooklyn
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Floridians stocking up on guns, ammunition during pandemic, civil unrest. Well, more than usual, that is
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Another thing we are blaming capitalism for: sexual dysfunction
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It is time for a coup at the New York Times?
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It's just a few bad apples. Like this New York cop who flashed a white power symbol during a protest
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| (Some Thirsty Guy) |
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Surely the solution to Western water woes is having all the land and water rights purchased by New York City-based hedge funds
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Number of people arrested for protesting in the Land of the Free® sits at 10,000 and rising
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So, yesterday when Meghan McCain claimed that her Manhattan neighborhood was a "war zone?" Turns out she's not even in New York and probably saw it on Fox News
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2020 pulls a throwback move, figures now is the time to bring back the tick-borne disease that has symptoms just like COVID. Stores run out of DEET in 3...2
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Fewer friendly skies means more stormy weather predictions
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A bad thing about the George Floyd protests? COVID-19 spikes
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The New York Times would like to inform you that they are committed to both sides the fark out of this issue, even if one side of the argument is downright illegal
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