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| Wed June 20, 2018 |
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Daily Fail ALMOST manages to report actual news without a slant when a water main breaks at Mandalay Bay. Then they close with a reference to the shooting last year
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Paul Simon announced today he will perform the final concert of his Farewell Tour in the borough of Queens, where he spent his formative years
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John Travolta believed that his latest bomb Gotti was going to make him an Oscar contender this year. Epstein's mother unavailable for comment
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Miss Complicit truly, truly cares about the poor migrant children. No seriously. Stop laughing, she really, really, really does
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Japanese company apologizes on national TV for one of their employee's scandalous 3-minute lunch breaks
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Parents fight it out during youth softball tournament in Tennessee. Elegant display of belly bumping, cheap shots, annoying screams
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The latest thing you aren't doing right: sleeping
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Scientists discover the level of bacteria in your testicles dictates your fertility. Heh Heh... "dictates"
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Tennessee's Oak Ridge National Laboratory unveils its shiny, new 200 petaflop supercomputer
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Discovery of the earliest known domestic dogs suggests Americans had canine companions more than 10,000 years ago. Your dog wants a Giant Ground Sloth for Wetnose Woofday Wednesday
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As usual, Apple has worms. Hot, hot worms chewing up your battery and barfing on your camera
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Motivational quote for today: "It might feel bad to make a mistake, but at least you didn't do anything as bad as send a motivational quote from a Nazi general to all the students at a university"
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Jeff Bezos has received a strongly worded letter from groups demanding he stop selling his facial recognition technology... LOL, including his shareholders
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| (Some Guy) |
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You wanna put kids in cages? I don't think so. Cuomy don't play dat
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Multiple people stabbed after huge brawl breaks out on Coney Island beach. No word if the Warriors came out to play
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Well New York City, you can have air conditioning or you can have subway service, but you can't have both
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Photos show man plug in huge PlayStation 4 setup on NYC train, obliviously game away across multiple seats. People didn't start to freak out until the shoe removal
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| Tue June 19, 2018 |
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New Yorker film critic hears "trampoline me" in The Incredibles 2 dialogue, then has the weirdest boner. Proceeds to analyze the boner for the world to know his boner. Subby wanted to eat shrimp dumplings and Chinese food after watching TI2 and Bao
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Good food tastes better when it is served by an attractive lady, say most men
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How many flags could a woodchuck steal if a woodchuck could steal flags?
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Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton
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Soaked Keanu grimly soldiers on while filming rainy scene for John Wick 3 in Times Square
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Dead principal. Caught sayof cheating. New York Post looking for why she had $3.2 million dollar estate -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"
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"Ooh ooh ooh eee eee eee aah aah aah" "What is it, Cheeta?" "Ooh ooh ooh eee eee eee aah aah aah" "What, the leopard has fallen in the well? You take care of it I'm busy"
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White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Operations Joe Hagin, who also just suddenly resigned today, worked In Libya with key backers of an alleged "Sex Cult"
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There's having a bad week, then there's finding you've been screwing your (second) cousin for the last 14 years bad week. Guess which one Rudy Guliani's having
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Finally, a stupid food trend goes into New York instead of coming out of it
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People from Russia or the former Soviet republics have laundered more than $109 milli-excuse me, bought $109 million worth of condos at Trump properties in NY and FL, mostly in all-cash transactions utilizing shell companies to obscure the buyers
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Happy Juneteenth everyone
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The United Airlines commuter partner in the midwest has been experiencing computer issues for several days. So if you've ever wanted to be stuck in Dayton due to a cancelled flight, you're in luck
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U.S. pulls out of UN Human Rights council because of a conflict of interest
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Cam Newton, classy as always
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Calvin Sun and the mystery of the missing North Korean 5th floor
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Russian skateboarding circus bear rips and shreds
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When you've lost the New York Post
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Senate to Trump: No ZTE bailout for you
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Darwin hits a small target
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| Thu June 14, 2018 |
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Time for some jokes, secrets and outright lies from veteran 'Simpsons' writer Mike Reiss about 30 years of Springfield
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Missouri woman sentenced to 2 years in prison after getting caught with heroin, ecstasy, and a cooter shooter
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Trump Foundation sued by New York AG, IG says Comey shoulda kept his mouth shut, and Sarah Sanders doesn't care about other peoples' kids. It's your Thirsty Thursday MSNBC thread. Festivities start at 8pm ET
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I like my landmines like I like my women. Covered in bees. Charge Sensing Bees tag to the rescue
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Sex, porn, masturbation and "sword fights" with the chief - there's never a dull moment at this Upstate New York fire house
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Trump forecasted his own summit with 'wacko' North Korea on TV in 1999 and warned the communist regime was 'not a bunch of dummies' - but said he would 'negotiate like crazy' before striking them
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Trump yells angrily with a red face which is a sure sign that he's innocent, like when all children yell and scream and stomp their feet. You know they didn't punch their sister. She's lying
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Proving how in-touch the rich are with the average person, Kevin O'Leary says you should have your mortgage and student loans paid off by the time you are 45. You know, because most people buy a house at age 15
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New York attorney general files suit against the Trump Foundation, Ivanka, Half Scoop and Two Scoops "for violating state and federal laws." Welcome to the endgame, Donnie
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You've probably been eating your pizza wrong this whole time, this is how you really eat pizza
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If paying a Victoria's Secret bill with funds meant for Superstorm Sandy relief is wrong, I don't want to be right
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Rumor around D.C. is that Cohen flipped on Trump. Side note: Cohen also fired his legal team today, so there's that
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Couple taking a selfie while vacationing in Portugal end up taking the plunge
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Roger Stone is ready for war. But against whom?
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| Tue June 12, 2018 |
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Man touches tit. It's not news, it's Fark
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Apparently if you're an intern for Martina McBride, you're expected to do all sorts of menial tasks. Another guy says no, that's against the intern handbook that does not exist
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How to make a killing in virtual real estate with money that's just as real
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The most popular TV dad in every state. Excellent choice, Washington DC
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UNC psychologists interview 511 American Christians, use their perceptions of God to create composite God avatar who is youthful, feminine, ethnically ambiguous, and ready to deliver salvation all over their faces
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Robert De Niro's rant about Trump completely overshadows the fact that this year's Tony Awards featured A GOAT WEARING A BOW TIE
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Kate Upton goes topless exposing some serious side boob. And if you haven't already clicked you should know it's NOT SAFE FOR WORK
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Trump's lawyers plan joint defense with other defendants caught up in the Mueller probe
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Sell a train, Morouns
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| Sat June 09, 2018 |
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Move over NYC pizza eating subway rats, New York City millennial avocado eating squirrel is here
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👑👑👑
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Booze, drugs, gunshot wounds, punk rock and the story of the most popular T-shirt in Boston sports history
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Rap artist Lil' Kim, who makes $18,000/month files for bankruptcy after debts total $4 million. In other news, Lil' Kim still makes $18,000 a month
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"Jesus would have baked that cake"
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Whatever the Republicans are paying Bill Clinton to keep talking, it's nowhere near enough
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Valedictorian at school gets her mic cut before she can talk about her sexual assault. Horrendously stupid school officials don't know how publicity works
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New York governor offers free legal help to a pizza deliverer facing deportation after INS wants to deliver him back across the border in 30 minutes or less
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New York governor offers free legal help to a pizza deliverer facing deportation after INS wants to deliver him back across the border in 30 minutes or less
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No, just because God tells you children should be worked all hours of the day and night doesn't mean you get to ignore child labor laws ... even if you do serve a really good sandwich and iced coffee
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Trump doesn't rule out pardoning Paul Manafort. Because innocent people always need a Presidential pardon after getting caught red handed tampering with witness testimony, right?
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North Dakota food critic who was mocked for her review of Olive Garden recalls meeting with Anthony Bourdain, whom she credits with saving her
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| Wed June 06, 2018 |
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Jalal Mansur Nuriddin, the "Grandfather of Rap" and founder of the Last Poets has died of cancer
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Manafort's lawyer gets a lawyer's Manafort
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"Kushner would habitually put in a stream of Requests For Information after he had seen the PDB or other briefings. These RFIs related to places where his family or the Trump Organisation had business interests, or wanted to have them." Oh Jared
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KFT(ofu)
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Mexico slaps tariffs on pork, apples, potatoes, bourbon, and cheese. Why does Mexico hate fark BBQs?
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Here are the 101 best casual restaurants in the United States. Have you ever eaten at any of these? Any other restaurants that are worthy of a mention?
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Your emotional support tarantula, rodent, reptile, or elephant can no longer fly with you on JetBlue, some animals still allowed with the correct documents
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In other news, they both had pureed carrots for lunch, need a diaper change, and it's about their nap time
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Fark mor chikin
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| Tue June 05, 2018 |
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Decorated WWII vet and Purple Heart recipient says that if combat taught him anything, it's that the only beach worth landing on is "decorated with beautiful, seminude girls tanning in a tranquil sun." And that's where he spent the rest of his days
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50 years ago today, Robert F Kennedy was assassinated in the Embassy Room of the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles
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Carrie Fisher regretted revealing her affair with Harrison Ford
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If you want to consume the "best" maple syrup out there, go for the low-grade stuff
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Giuliani says, listen Trump can't help but lie non-stop, he has some sort of mental defect. I swear, he didn't lie on purpose. Please let him ruin the country. It's his greatest desire
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Only Donald Trump could make a New York Giants legend stick up for the Philadelphia Eagles
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♫ In the not too distant future, next Sunday A.D. / There was a guy named Joel who'll be touring the country ♫
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Gallery: "The opening is delayed because of rotting fish". Artist:" You cretins. That's intentional. It's rotting fish artwork." Gallery:" Please let us finish, the opening is delayed because of rotting fish artwork on fire." Artist:"0_o"
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Pray for aileron
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| Mon June 04, 2018 |
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Special Master determines Michael Cohen isn't as privileged as he thought he was
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♪ Hi-HO, Hi-HO, It's off to work we go...for $15/hr wages ♪♪ Hi-HO Hi-HO
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Cohen mulled running for Mayor of New York in order that he could create a "dynasty". Then, the coke wore off
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John Oliver makes a joke about the passage of time on Mercury, and Neil deGrasse Tyson shows up to ruin the setup, at which point Oliver calls him a feckless...well, just watch
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Man attempts to row the 3,200 miles from New York to Scotland, makes it about 20 or so
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Joe Biden's not sure if he can survive all the slam-dunking that he'll be performing if he runs in 2020
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♪ "I'm a shark I'll eat your diiiiick"♪ (NSFW/Graphic content)
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Rookie is 2018 Oyster Eating Champion after eating a whopping 40 DOZEN oysters in 8 minutes. "I didn't really have a technique. I just slurped and slurped, rinse and repeat"
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Migration is going to destroy the country. Internal migration as Democrats move to red states. Unlikely tag covers all bases
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Texan woman shoots and kills her husband for being a little rough with her pussy
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It's not your diamond-encrusted dildo, it's *a* diamond-encrusted dildo (not safe for work)
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Meh, it's just a scratch (warning: graphic images)
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| Thu May 31, 2018 |
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PSA: When referring to a Australian sports star named Mason Cox, you really shouldn't ask a female co-host if she 'loves the cox' while on live TV
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Annoyed by the 'know-it-alls' in your life who are convinced they're always right? Take comfort in the fact that research shows they're actually less informed about the world than their peers
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You're surrounded by lava. Shooting at it or at your neighbors isn't a solution
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Apparently Vermont will pay you $10,000 to move there and work remotely. Bonuses: gorgeous landscapes, great ski slopes-and a rapidly shrinking tax base. Downside: there are way too many old people
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The idea that Trump threatened Stormy Daniels through Michael Cohen doesn't seem that out of character for Cohen
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Boehner: This isn't the GOP, this is the Trump Party. But I agree with all of their policy decisions
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A pill normally used to treat toenail infections could actually help cure bowel cancer, says study from the Don't Make Me Plant My Foot Up Your Ass Institute
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Walmart introduced a $50 month 'white glove' shopping experience that includes free shipping and 'personal service', which is a step-up from no-service that many shoppers currently enjoy
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Um, yeah, you may now address me as DOCTOR Vin Diesel, thaaaaaaaaaaaaanksabunch
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Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk nearly bankrupt after finding his accountant had been running Project Mayhem
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Are you one of those pretentious New Yorker types who fold your pizza slice?
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Seventies rocker Steve Miller is a righteous dude
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Happy Covfefe Day
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Jeff Goldblum takes time off from watching you poop to record his first jazz album
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| Tue May 29, 2018 |
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Gynecologist sues patient for $1 million over one-star Yelp review, which has so far cost the patient $20k defending herself
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Gynecologist sues patient for $1 million over one-star Yelp review, which has so far cost the patient $20k defending herself
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Need a distraction from all the politics and reality television? Here are the fifty best books to read this summer
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"Hello, my name is Bob and I'm a bitcoinoholic"
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So, your local Starbucks is closed for mandatory common sense training today. Where will you get your coffee instead? Do you think the chain will lose customers after they try McDonald's, Caribou, or a good local place? It's Coffee Talk
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World's tallest all-wood office building been built in Queensland. They are employing state of the art anti fire, termite, and keebler-elf technology
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David Duke threatens to sue Trump for not building border wall unless Trump denounces, get this, "the Zio Deep Swamp State who wants to destroy our nation and destroy him"
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| Mon May 28, 2018 |
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"Are they booing me?" "No, sir, they're saying 'Boo-liani'"
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Sorry Europe, but you will have to take my Q-Tip from my cold, waxy ear
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Luna, a drug-sniffing dog, and Hemi, an explosives-sniffing dog, take top honors at US sniffer dogs competition ....by a nose
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29-year-old "penniless student" chosen by 55-year-old Russian oil tycoon's kids to be his new wife. Because it's the Daily Mail, I now question the existence of penniless students
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Looking back at the mess of Super Mario Bros. twenty-five years after its release
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The true inspiration for The Rolling Stones' Jumpin' Jack Flash has been revealed. Ironically enough it's not a gas gas gas
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♪ L'Araignée, l'Araignée / Est un être bien singulier / Dans sa toile, il attend / D'attraper les brigands / Attention / Car l'Araignée est là ♪
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Animal farts lift Virginia Tech researcher's book to New York Times bestselling list. Man, what are they feeding those things?
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Melania makes like a banana
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| Fri May 25, 2018 |
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Republican committee, raising money for the president's reelection campaign and the party's coffers, circulated a letter last week to wealthy Chinese businessmen offering a "one-on-one photo" and "handshake" with President Trump for $100,000
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Car thief experiences sudden unexpected exit, karma
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Because Cohen used his Trump.org email to conduct his taxi business, the FBI can potentially search a decade of all his emails
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How facial recognition can identify liars: Does it look like a face? Yes? Then it's a liar
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Research reveals that when religious people try to suppress thoughts about sex they end up thinking about it even more. Oh, God ... oh, God ... OH, GOD
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The millennial that was ordered to move out of his parents' house says that's a problem because he can't afford moving boxes
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White Castle to add vegan burgers to its menu
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Human-chicken hybrids created in US lab, which hopefully means another season of 'Kids in the Hall' is in our future (possible nsfw content on page)
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New York Daily News, Chicago Tribune, LA Times, Orlando Sentinel and Baltimore Sun discover that blocking all EU readers is easier than actually providing personal data protections
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Move over, MH370: The search is back on for Northwest Airlines Flight 2501, which disappeared in 1950. Someone get Wolf Blitzer on the line pronto
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1990s: Hey mom, can you get off the phone? I want to use the internet. 2010s: Hey mom, can you get off the phone?
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| Thu May 24, 2018 |
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For some reason, here is a picture of Liam Gallagher with a couple young clones and Selena Gomez
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Chipotle HQ moving to California with an aching in its heart, abdomen
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Can the Warriors be Road Warriors and win on the road to break the series tie? Or will the Rockets win at home and make the Warriors the one with a problem? It's your Game 5 WCF thread, tip-off is at 9pm ET on TNT
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Harvey Weinstein will turn himself in to NY authorities on Friday
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The creator says the small, rented private airport spaces are workplaces, not phone booths or sex dens. Maybe he didn't say the last part, so, maybe they are
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The tallest horse and shortest horse in the world meet. Adorable photo to the left. SIlly horse jokes to the right
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Today's history lesson is what was it like to eat out in 1859
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The top 10 new species for 2018. By "new," they mean recently discovered, not recently evolved or recently intelligently designed
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Deutsche Bank to give 7,000+ their marching papers
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Jeff Goldblum happy to be an old dad with his kids, Charlie Ocean and River Joe. Next kid to be named Sea Low? Veronica Lake?
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Here are the most popular passwords of 2017. HA HA I CAN TYPE IN MY PASSWORD 1234pa$word and all you see are asterisks
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Relationship expert suggests that women about to face another awkward time in the bedroom apply the Sandwich Rule to get what they want from their man. Aww yeah, sandwiches
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Over a million Virgins in Australia are about to lose it overnight
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Bury Indiana
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Apparently death camps were really bad places
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| Wed May 23, 2018 |
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Kevin Federline now wants $60,000/month (up from $20,000) child support from Britney Spears. Everyone on planet Earth: Leave Britney alone
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ABC takes a bite out of The Chew, and spits it out
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The best beer gifts for Father's Day. Any others?
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Jets co-owner and chairman Christopher Johnson announces that he will cover any of his players' fines should they decide to kneel during anthem
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Meanwhile back in 1979, people were worried about exploding children
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"The night I said the f-word in book club"
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"Aaron Schlossberg is the least racist person Aaron Schlossberg knows"
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If you're still in L.A. on Wednesday and planning on going out of town for Memorial Day weekend, then you might as well cancel your plans
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Ukraine paid Cohen a metric asston of cash for "talks" with the president
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The US firm that gave cash to Michael Cohen helped secure millions for Putin-linked oligarch. Nothing to see here folks, just another one of those very common coincidences
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Female pilot has the perfect comeback for two sexist male passengers and their female driver remarks. 'The fact is, I can fly an £80m jet and you can't.'
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Check out North Brother Island in New York City, abandoned over 50 years ago
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Johnny Dope kills guy with his guitar
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Either Richie Blackmore sucks at compliments or Joe Satriani is too easily butthurt
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Portnoy's done complaining
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The goggles, they did something. Blind woman sees her service dog for the first time. I'm not crying, you're crying
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