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headlines found matching 'Need'
Mon February 06, 2023
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
The Space Needle has waited its whole life for this moment
source: theneedling.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun February 05, 2023
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Ted Cruz is so adamant that a Constitutional amendment is needed to limit senators to two terms that he's running for a third just to talk about it
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
NYC plan to involuntarily commit homeless people who "appear to be mentally ill" can proceed, judge rules. Plan looks so crazy on paper, it needs to be involuntarily committed
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
It turns out Joe Rogan was a bad investment for Spotify. We're going to need a smaller violin (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
The future of emissions-free aviation is near thanks to Nasa's all-electric experimental X-57 plane, all that's needed is getting all the pompous private jet setters on board. Nevermind
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
NC Supreme Court: We don't need no stinkin' democracy
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri February 03, 2023
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Canada's only American college football team, Simon Fraser, to be dropped by NCAA D-II Lone Star Conference after 2023 season due to border crossing issues, dreadful record. Their road to relevance just got 10 yards longer
source: 3downnation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KMBC Kansas City)
 
 
 
Animal Rescue League in Massachusetts seeks forever home for 1-year-old Clarendon, who was transported into the state illegally and needs space to grow into 600 pounds of bacon
source: kmbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Putin is going full Kim Jong-Un. Somebody needs to tell him that you never go full Kim Jung-Un
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Of course, China needs civilian "airships" over Montana. No word on if it also has a six year old inside
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Perception: Now they're 12, your grandkids never visit, call or e-mail any more. Reality: Now they're 12, your grandkids need to go to court to make your crazy self respect their boundaries
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
♫ We don't need no education ♫
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu February 02, 2023
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Amazon to lawmakers: our warehouses don't need no tornado shelters, workers are expendable. Now give us our tax breaks
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brand Eating)
 
 
 
Two crappy subs for the price of one. Hey, you need a new yoga mat anyway
source: brandeating.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Our political divide has led to the Great National Prayer Breakfast Schism of 2023, which has resulted in us needing to have two separate prayer breakfasts instead of just one. So now both sides can do something equally useless on their own
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed February 01, 2023
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
U.S. corn farmers "sound off" on an catastrophe that may utterly destroy their way of life: Losing the billions in government ethanol "subsidies" that have let them continue growing and making money off a crop nobody actually needs. Also, Mexico
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 31, 2023
(Fark)
 
 
 
Hi, can you recommend a vacuum cleaner that doesn't weigh a ton, is easy to empty and won't break the bank? I don't have much carpeting so I don't need anything fancy. Can I get a shop vac instead?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
QB with two TD passes goes to the Pro Bowl. But seriously, you guys need to take this game seriously
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Duggar family member prevents another Duggar family member from showing "Veggie Tales" to the kids for fear of making them think vegetables can talk, because that's what underage children in the Duggar family really need to be worried about
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
You took care of gardening business for January, now what do you need to do to get through February? Some tips and more for your Tuesday FARK Gardening thread
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon January 30, 2023
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Inflation? We don't need no steenkin' inflation
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Long-time Amtrak rider finally raises the money they need to fix that crumbling 150-year-old tunnel in Baltimore
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Emmy is like Claire if Claire was actually intellectually curious about food. Today Emmy makes Soda from Pine Needles
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
'Very high' odds of war with China, US Republican warns, possibly because republicans need someone to go to war with
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
"I will always love Pamela, always in my heart. As a matter of fact, I left her $10 million in my will, and she doesn't even know that. Nobody knows that. I probably shouldn't be saying it. So that's for her, whether she needs it or not"
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
What Republicans really need is a candidate from NASCAR
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun January 29, 2023
(Slate)
 
 
 
You needed to be at the gym in 26 minutes, and you made it there in 25. But there are no mirrors in which to watch yourself. Is it still possible to achieve the perfection you need in your workout? How can you work out without admiring yourself?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
What does God need with a Super Bowl ad?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat January 28, 2023
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Michigan gray wolf population steady for a decade. Hunters: There are enough to hunt and trap them. Wolf proponents: They are managing themselves, no hunting needed
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Today's Slatesplanation: Why that "$5 a month for as much eligible medication you need with no insurance needed" plan is more a comment on the utter failure of American healthcare
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 58 Milwaukee)
 
 
 
"If you are having a rough patch in your life, the last thing you want to do is lose your pet because you can't feed it. We support people staying with their animals and we want to do whatever we can to make that happen." Welcome to Caturday
source: cbs58.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 58 Milwaukee)
 
 
 
"If you are having a rough patch in your life, the last thing you want to do is lose your pet because you can't feed it. We support people staying with their animals and we want to do whatever we can to make that happen." Welcome to Caturday
source: cbs58.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri January 27, 2023
(Merriam-Webster)
 
 
 
The Merriam-Webster word of the day for January 27 is wangle, as in He wasn't wearing any pants so certain parts were left to wangle
source: merriam-webster.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
If any of you Farkers are in Best Korea, you need to get out NOW
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Virologists want you to know that their experiments with dangerous pathogens don't need any closer oversight. I mean, The Stand is still only fiction. For now
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
"Biden needs to lower gas prices"..."No, not like that"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times of Israel)
 
 
 
"Nano needles" can combat antibiotic resistance by "poking bacteria to death." Finally, a real use for Facebook
source: timesofisrael.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu January 26, 2023
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Elsewhere: Scissors beats paper. Aomori: Umbrella beats sickle
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Upper Michigan's Source)
 
 
 
The GOP doesn't even need to be in power to screw over the working class who continuously votes for them
source: uppermichiganssource.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
FTX: sure, we acknowledge that there was "fraud, dishonesty, incompetence, misconduct, mismanagement, and irregularity" in how the company was run, but really, there is no need for the DOJ to investigate, we got this, trust us
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Hulk Hogan sent out a Tweet telling everyone he was out of toilet paper, and needed some help soonish. Sounds like he was full of shiat
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
U.S. GDP grew more than expected in the fourth quarter at 2.9%. Welp, I guess the Federal Reserve just needs to continue raising interest rates to get their recession
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Why we need new words like nonnapaura, chuco헐sol, pyrora and sandulate to describe life in the Anthropocene. They all sound perfectly cromulent
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
What did the police officer say when he saw the snowman stealing? "Freeze" It is your Bad Joke Thursday thread, and where Subby is it is so cold he opens the fridge to warm his house
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed January 25, 2023
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Amazon workers: "The robots in the Amazon warehouses are treated better than we are"
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Learn to enjoy your child's life experiences more completely by living on 'Toddler Time'. Subby's got the whole puking up dinner and crapping his shorts part down, but needs to work more on being distracted by jangling key rings
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
"The department said there was a partial match "to a 1947 case centered around 34th Street in New York City." It said it would need more DNA samples "from other known Santa encounters to make a definitive match"
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7Amarillo)
 
 
 
Meet Joey, an adorable special needs pooch who will be featured in the upcoming Puppy Bowl XIX. Please welcome him, his mom, his furfamily and Vintage Pet Rescue to Woofday Wetnose Wednesday (w/pics & video)
source: abc7amarillo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Candace Owens announces a night of the long knives for Steven Crowder. Let them eat each other
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 24, 2023
(Philadelphia Magazine)
 
 
 
Philly needs lifeguards so badly they are reportedly hiring people who can't swim. The is not a headline from The Onion
source: phillymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Github)
 
 
 
"GPT is all you need for the backend." 1. See the tag 2. PHRASING
source: github.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
I have betamax tapes I need to convert. Have Beta player, Canon optura to feed through, i7 desktop. What is a good capture program, capture parameters, disk space, ways to share. Any help appreciated
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vogue)
 
 
 
Why you need to be wearing a silky, satin skirt
source: vogue.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KBZK Bozeman)
 
Hero
 
In a stunning reversal of trends, a man's life was actually saved by eating at Arby's
source: kbzk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon January 23, 2023
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Seven endangered British foods that need to be saved from extinction. Should we care that Scottish birch water is off the drinks menu?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Everything you always wanted to know about throuples, but were too tired to ask after spanking it to threesome videos on xHamster
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NFL)
 
 
 
To elaborate on a play, don't you need a strategy behind it?
source: nfl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Sports)
 
 
 
Monday night Footie in the EPL has Fulham and Tottenham in a North-West London Derby. Fulham could leapfrog Spurs, while Spurs need to stay close to the top four. On USA @ 3:00 pm ET
source: scores.nbcsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Guy that has been retired for twenty years claims woke generation is to lazy to work. Also thinks those elites at Davos are stupid
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
It takes a good guy with a gas pump to stop a bad guy with a gas pump
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
Bowen Yang gave us the George Santos we needed
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Jerk dog needs Jerk owner to Jerk around by a leash. Bonus: Subby got his bestest girl from the same shelter almost exactly one year ago
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun January 22, 2023
(WRAL)
 
 
 
"In a hit and run and need help? Call 1-800-resign"
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
In case you needed to get your heart racing
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
50-person riot breaks loose in behavioral health treatment center for children, adolescents. Looks like better treatment methods needed
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Emilia Clarke has better things to do than watch George Martin dragon nonsense
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat January 21, 2023
(The Register)
 
 
 
Sure it kills everyone, but HR needs something to do
source: theregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
It's almost as if certain white people need a safe space to protect themselves from feeling even the slightest bit uncomfortable about their past actions
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Since being adopted, a cat with special needs has cuddled more than 100 foster kittens, helping socialize them and prepare them for a new home. Welcome to Caturday
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri January 20, 2023
(Foreign Policy)
 
 
 
Suck it Russia, the world economy no longer needs you
source: foreignpolicy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Democrats, sure you've been tortured by Joe Manchin for years but you're going to need to suck it up and deal with him more if you want West Virginia in 2024
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
When even Ric Flair thinks you need to retire, it's definitely time to step away
source: essentiallysports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMTW Portland)
 
 
 
Because apparently it still needs to be said - Do not go to Walmart to buy gift cards for a stranger who calls you from Amazon
source: wmtw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu January 19, 2023
(Some Zookeeper)
 
 
 
The Kansas City Zoo needs help naming a baby, female rhino. Watcha got, Farkers?
source: kansascityzoo.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forbes)
 
 
 
While Zuckerbot is dropping billions trying to get humanity into the Metaverse, Microsoft's CEO thinks integrating AI in all of our documents, correspondence, and presentations is what the world needs
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NHK World (Japan))
 
 
 
In quest for overseas talent, Japanese tech and AI firms increasingly pivot to English-first policy, meaning local hires need to brush up their English ASAP
source: www3.nhk.or.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed January 18, 2023
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Psychologist offers 3 tips to tackle decision paralysis, but you do need to decide to follow these tips, so that could be a problem
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Sports)
 
 
 
Premier League Wednesday has Crystal Palace hosting a surging Man United. Palace need to stop a two match losing streak while the Red Devils have won five in a row. On Peacock @ 3:00 pm ET
source: scores.nbcsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
"Unlimited vacation is a scam..." and subby does not need to finish the rest of this headline
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Peter Thiel says Brits' love for the NHS is akin to Stockholm Syndrome, claims the free market is needed to "fix" it. Oh, and of course, he'll also profit handsomely as a result
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nature)
 
 
 
Transgenic ants reveal how the insects' brains process alarming smells. Needs more fluorescent protein
source: nature.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)
 
 
 
NFL rules analyst Gene Steratore, a 15-year NFL official, thinks more flags need to be thrown during games
source: triblive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
"My wife's lover described her as dynamite in bed; but with me she's one of those little white pop thingies you give young kids on the 4th of July that are duds half the time. What gives?" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Is there ever a time when you should accept a pay cut? Why the answer is 'yes' to the left. Why the answer is 'Oh hell nah' to the right
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Spun)
 
 
 
Jalen Hurts needs to get brawny after admitting there's a bounty on him every week
source: thespun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 17, 2023
(BBC)
 
 
 
Plans for huge UK car battery factory go flat despite resistance, staff immediately discharged and sent ohm
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Not a joke. I need advice. I have a crazy sister in Western Canada. I don't speak to her. My parents are dying .She sends me a bday card with the subject Matthew 5:21-24 on the front. It pertains to Murder. Kind of freaking out. Details in thread
source: biblegateway.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Big Think)
 
 
 
At some point, there will be another core-collapse supernova within the Milky Way. And that might be just what we need to see where dark matter enters the picture
source: bigthink.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Results are in from a real-world experiment on four-day workweeks: Four-day workweeks are great and employers need to lose the Fridays. NOW
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
For your 2023 vacation planning needs
source: psbr.law   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(13 ABC Toledo)
 
 
 
Seman used to go through a hundred cases of eggs a week, but due to inflation only goes through thirty a week and needs to get it back up
source: 13abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon January 16, 2023
(Winston-Salem Journal)
 
 
 
Local media: We're not saying Diamond died of covid, but she died of covid, which still needs to be taken seriously
source: journalnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Subby is actually against using AR-15s to hunt deer because .223/5.56 is basically a hopped up 22 long rifle and how many deer will end up being left to rot because most deer hunters would have a heart attack if they had to track a deer for 600 yards
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
When you have to write the orbituary for the guy who murdered his entire family but you also know you really need to make some money with that Go Fund Me campaign linked to it
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austin News KXAN)
 
 
 
Possible breeder behind guinea pigs dumped along Austin Interstate highway, in city parks. Feral cats getting too much of a good thing, can't keep up, "need a break," meowed spokeskitty
source: kxan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Interesting Engineering)
 
 
 
Protein injections could finally repair muscle after a heart attack, give you another heart attack depending on the size of the needle
source: interestingengineering.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Experts are saying a new Covid surge is a big risk for everyone in the US and needs to be taken seriously. Citizens: Serious? We think not
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Woman claims she doesn't need to go to the gym in 26 minutes since she started having sex twice a day
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MacWorld)
 
 
 
Hot take: "Apple needs to stop trying to make budget devices." Apple has tried to make budget devices?
source: macworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun January 15, 2023
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Want to sound more assertive? Flare your neck frills, spray your pheromones everywhere, fluff up your tail, and yowl. But don't yowl these 4 phrases
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
"Westerncore" is the hottest urban fashion trend due to "Yellowstone," ushering in a whole new wave of people who need to be kicked in the nether regions
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat January 14, 2023
(WLOS 13 Asheville)
 
 
 
Incoming congresscritter: "There is a form we need to have signed by you." Outgoing congresscritter: "New phone. Who dis?" Just kidding. There was no response
source: wlos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Looks like Tucker Carlson needs a safe space to protect himself from evil chocolate candies
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Like the Dread Pirate Roberts before them, the elk in the Great Smoky Mountains are not to be trifled with. And that's all you need to know
source: advnture.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Job interviews are a nightmare - and they only getting worse: "It's kind of like dating. When you go on a first date, you need a second date. You don't need 20 dates to know if you like somebody"
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Birmingham Mail)
 
Weeners
 
If you've always wanted to buy a fake police car with "penis" written on it, well today's your lucky day
source: birminghammail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fortune)
 
 
 
Two of Elon Musk's buddies agree he's going to have the last laugh in 2023 when Spacelink goes public. Fark really needs a Sure Jan tag
source: fortune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Now we need a coffee table book about coffee tables written by Stephen Hawking
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri January 13, 2023
(YouTube)
 
 
 
If you need to drain a 50-meter swimming pool for maintenance, you may as well let it go to the dogs first
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Boulder)
 
 
 
Hello? Mrs Calloway? This is your son's school. You need to pick him up at the hospital today. Yeah, he couldn't handle our punishment. Thank you
source: dailyboulder.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click2Houston)
 
 
 
"While laws do protect law enforcement and aircrafts from the threat of being blinded by lasers, civilians do not automatically have the same protection"
source: click2houston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu January 12, 2023
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Senate gets Ricketts. Needs more Vitamin D, stat
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
James Webb snags a rocky earth-sized planet that is "only" 41 light years away. But its a little warm so we don't need to worry about the natives wiping us out in retaliation for beaming "Gilligan's Island" into the universe
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Programmer would like to spend more time talking to his wife, Morgan Fairchild, but needs to decrease her latency
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
John Carpenter wanted to quit the business after working with "he shall not be named who needs to be killed. No, no, no, that's terrible. He needs to be set on fire." He's Chevy Chase, and you're not
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
Your reminder that "unlimited vacation" is an accounting scheme disguised as an employee benefit. Companies don't need to pay out unused time when employees leave
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Verizon launches Microsoft Teams integration and you can hear a pin drop
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Katherine Heigl self reflects and concludes others who called her out for being an asshole are the real assholes
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
My boyfriend lives in my house with my 2 kids, but refuses to pay rent or contribute to food and utility bills. Should I buy him a new car?
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed January 11, 2023
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Investigation into racist, sexist, homophobic Minnesota sheriff who got a DWI conviction found he needed his previous job back and 20k/year raise
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
Now that the GOP has got what it needed out of "George Santos", disowning him like a campaign promise
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Religion News Service)
 
 
 
Need a break from the lofty intellectualism of the Fark politics tab? If you liked Idiocracy, you'll love "Our Quest for Meaning in the Age of Science," hosted by an MIT professor and coming soon to PBS
source: religionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
How much pressure needs applied to a turtle before its shell cracks?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
"Hey Disney, it's after 2pm, we don't NEED reservations...we're annual passholders"
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 10, 2023
(The Register)
 
 
 
Support for Windows 7 and 8 closes this week. You're gonna need a bigger boot
source: theregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Need to be at the gym in 26 minutes, but too intimidated to go? NPR's got your spot
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
FDA: you need to label each of your products to indicate whether they contain sesame. Bread companies: that sounds hard to figure out, what if we just put sesame in everything, then we can label every product "contains sesame"?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Today's Slatesplanation: Edgelord Elon wasn't the first automaker to nearly tank his empire by needlessly sharing his supremely bad takes. Henry Ford led the way before him
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Psychologists define willpower as "the ability to avoid short-term temptations and override unwanted thoughts, feelings or impulses." You're gonna click and learn. Oh yeah, you need it. You're gonna click
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Faddom)
 
 
 
Your dog wants steak, but your IT team needs an agentless application dependency mapping tool. At the left, map your entire hybrid IT infrastructure in one hour - free trial, no credit card needed. At the right, IT snark (Farker-sponsored link)
source: faddom.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
The Supreme Court needs to resolve the legal loophole that could arm mass shooters with makeshift automatic rifles. Blood will be on their hands if they don't
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The US Sun)
 
 
 
Don't neglect your garden this January, here are some things you need to do now. It's a our Tuesday FARK gardening thread
source: the-sun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Can anyone confirm if this is true? Subby would check for himself, but it's nap time and there's so many apps that need updating and Bing has gotten so complicated. Why, I remember when nothing happened until the 11:00 news. I could curl up in my sha
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon January 09, 2023
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
The maritime world needs to stop screwing with the sex lives of crabs
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ʇɹodS ǝuᴉN)
 
 
 
Where's a hungry drop bear when you need one?
source: wwos.nine.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
"My fiancé wants to bonk his ex-girlfriend one last time - and said I can join in or watch. What do?" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun January 08, 2023
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Techbro: "Hey, I wonder what would happen if we let thousands of mental health patients interact with an AI instead of a real therapist Do we need some board to review this idea? Naahhh"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thrillist)
 
 
 
The best cheeses you need for your very best grilled cheese sandwiches. You're on your own with the tomato soup
source: thrillist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
"I hate my initials"
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stoke Sentinel)
 
 
 
Today's contender for most British headline of the day: "Macaroni on a Toby Carvery? Someone needs to give their head a wobble"
source: stokesentinel.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat January 07, 2023
(Zillow)
 
 
 
Three jacuzzi tubs in one room? Yeah, we're going to need the deep down blacklight cleaning here
source: zillow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Just what you need for a lazy Nerdfest Saturday afternoon: an eleven minute explanation of the ancient history, and the sociopolitical, economic, and cultural underpinnings of, the Republic in the Star Wars universe, and what the real conflict was
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri January 06, 2023
(Fark)
 
Audio
 
My wife's ex is looking to start doing voice work. I can hook him up with the hardware, but need advice on the software - Audacity and BandCamp are out, what do the real pros use?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
With the right app, you don't even need to pay $50 for that map to the stars' homes anymore
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Need a baby? Take a baby. Have a baby? Drop one in
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
My sweet and beloved 17 year old son's first girlfriend was nervous about meeting me. This means my son is beating her, right?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"I'm cutting my daughter off the moment she graduates high school. That's not mean, is it?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu January 05, 2023
(Neuroscience News)
 
 
 
How many cures for cancer are we gonna see this week? Still no cure for... we're going to need a new Farksim at this rate
source: neurosciencenews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marijuana Moment)
 
 
 
Twitter stops suggesting that people who search for marijuana need treatment. People who search for how to back out of bad deals still on their own
source: marijuanamoment.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pitchfork)
 
 
 
Miley Cyrus to become host of The Tonight Show. Sorry, I need to dial the crystal ball back a bit. To release new album
source: pitchfork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
IF you thought "quiet quitting" was the stupidest possible HR-related phrase you'd ever heard, along comes "quiet hiring"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Variety)
 
 
 
'I Don't Know If I Want Drax to Be My Legacy' - says the guy standing uncomfortably still in the corner
source: variety.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
The Kraken variant comes ashore in the UK to wipe out thousands with its Covid tentacles. If only we had a bivalent Jaeger vaccine. But the pilot needs Idris Elba to slap him around.... and this metaphor has gone off the rails
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nature)
 
 
 
Paper describes modification of TiO2 nanotubes by graphene-strontium and cobalt molybdate perovskite for efficient hydrogen evolution reaction in acidic medium. Just in case you desperately need to modify your TiO2 nanotubes for HER
source: nature.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AsiaOne)
 
 
 
Drunk American YouTubers trespass into animal enclosures at Night Safari to pet wallaby and tempt hyena with potato chips. Where's a starving grizzly bear when you need one?
source: asiaone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed January 04, 2023
(Times Union)
 
 
 
The Diver Library will not fall into the lake
source: timesunion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Failed QB Chris Simms is going to need his daddy to bail him out yet again when he loses his damn mind on ESPN for pointing out how stupid his football takes are
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Fed signals that peon's are still making too much money and interest rates need to go up. Oligarchs seen lighting cigars with $100 bills nod approvingly
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
McCarthy team looking to adjourn today's vote before a vote because they don't have the votes and need MORE TIME to save their phoney-baloney jobs, gentlemen. *Harrumph harrumph*
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 03, 2023
(Oddity Central)
 
 
 
Want to dummy-up in this crazy world of high tech? You need the world's dumbest smartwatch ...so you can not tell time and look dumb
source: odditycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
With friends like the Taliban, who needs enemies? Right, Mr. Small Dick Energy?
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
"911, what's your emergency?" "Um, hi, we're um, burglarizing this residence and we need some help moving things out of the house." "No problem, we'll send someone out right now." "Thanks"
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon January 02, 2023
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Luxury gym refuses to accept membership applications in January, claim they're too elite for resolutionary profits
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Are all relatives greedy vultures when it comes to who's in the will?
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
New Lowe's home improvement store opening in county ravaged by Hurricane Ian so customers can rebuilt in time for next Cat-5 tropical cyclone visit
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Why impersonate Air Force "special agent" when inquiring about Delta-8 THC products at local smoke shop? Sorry, that's on need-to-know basis
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Water's out to kill you. Or maybe this headline needs to be rewritten
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun January 01, 2023
(BestLife)
 
 
 
Four habits you need to get into after you turn 50. Or 40. Or 30. You get the idea
source: bestlifeonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
We need a Darwin-esque Award for gun owners who shoot first, ask questions later, and kill innocent people
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
In case you need more evidence that Hollywood executives are idiots: TNT edition
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
I'm not an expert or anything, but I think they have some issues they need to work on
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat December 31, 2022
(WINK Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Woman wants barge left by Ian removed from her backyard. So if you're reading this, Hurricane Ian, please swing by Cape Coral and reclaim your stuff
source: winknews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy With A Broken Back)
 
 
 
Computational models are cool and all but you still need testing just in case your eVTOL concept vehicle were to be "destroyed beyond expectation" (with video)
source: simpleflying.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri December 30, 2022
(CNN)
 
 
 
What does Austin need with a skyscraper?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CP24 Toronto)
 
 
 
Canada looks at Ukraine and thinks 'We need an Upgrade'
source: cp24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 29, 2022
(NPR)
 
 
 
Easy tips for how to keep your house just clean enough that guests won't realize you've completely given up on yourself
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
"Silly human boy. You don't need a hat, I do"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
Internet slang that needs to retire, according to these elderly millennials who would also like you zoomers to get off their lawn
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(International Ice Hockey)
 
 
 
World Juniors is back to four games today for all your work avoidance needs.. First up at 11AM ET is Finland v. Latvia, then Sweden v. Czechia, USA v. Switzerland and Canada v. Austria wraps it up.. Let's do that (Junior) hockey
source: iihf.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
The motto used to be Do No Evil
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed December 28, 2022
(International Ice Hockey)
 
 
 
Only 2 World Junior games today, hope you Sportspuck Reprobates got some work done before pucks drop: 4PM ET Americans look for 1st in Group B vs. Slovakia then at 6:30 Canada really needs the win vs. Germany. That held Sweden to just a single goal
source: iihf.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Saveur)
 
 
 
What you need: 1. Bagels
source: saveur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PC Gamer)
 
 
 
Fark: MMO, anyone?
source: pcgamer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
So it looks like conflict is erupting between the Russian army and Putin's personal mercenary army, the Wagner Group: "To the Chief of the General Staff: you are a farking motherfarker"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
This is why the Postal Service needs new trucks
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue December 27, 2022
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Knives Out
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Where did Santos Frauds get the money to run for Congress? No need to guess: "Is Potato"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Two Slate writers who probably need to get out of the house a little more often explain how hot Sylvester Stallone is at 75, even if he does look "a little like a melting candle"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon December 26, 2022
(Politico)
 
 
 
National cannabis prices plummeting due to glut of product. Subby is toking as fast as he can. Fark also needs a Spliffy tag. When will Drew address this crime against humanity?
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Army of islanders offer coverage to gecko the size of a paperclip without the need for forced, trite accents
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun December 25, 2022
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
"Lions' blowout loss squashes their playoff momentum, but is also a needed reality check for promising franchise"
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Latest way to cut back on visiting elderly, dementia patients in nursing homes? Robotic therapy pets
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
ER nurse entertains patients with over 150 drawings painted onto his Mohawk by his kids. "My patients love the hair; their loved ones loved it and I think that's just one of those things that connects us"
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat December 24, 2022
(alienated)
 
 
 
It's Tamale season . I was never a big fan but have become one, and now want to make my own. Any tips or recipes? Any variety welcome, does not need to be standard "Mexican"
source: tastesbetterfromscratch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Doesn't every rapper need to do some jail time to get street cred?
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Attention city-dwellers. You shouldn't live in a city unless you really, really want to be there. And you need to be willing to show that you are. So start acting grateful, or GTFO
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UC Davis)
 
 
 
Your home is full of virus-laden relatives, what to do? Build a Corsi-Rosenthal Box
source: engineering.ucdavis.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Day 304 of WW3: Putin tells Orc defense industry heads to "up game" so that army quickly gets all the weapons, equipment, and military hardware it needs. And just like that, Timmy, Sistema disappeared. It's your Saturday Ukraine war discussion
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri December 23, 2022
(The Big Lead)
 
 
 
"Bro, you guys suck"
source: thebiglead.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Messy Nessy Chic)
 
 
 
What I need for Christmas is the Overlook Hotel in gingerbread, twins and all
source: messynessychic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MIT)
 
 
 
How do we keep people from starving as their jobs become automated? Well, we'll need Eugene Levy, but a robot version of him, and he can't dress in a flamboyant or revealing manner. That's a start
source: news.mit.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 22, 2022
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
I just can't do better than original headline: Florida Man Beat Roommate's Raccoon with Hammer, Threatened to Kill Neighbor with Sewing Needle
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
After a moment of silence, we broke for an intermission, and food and drinks were brought out on trays by stewards. Apparently, the need to eat after a funeral was as universal as the 7pm ET MSNBC thread
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Holiday procrastinators are back in force. We'd tell you why, but we need to hit the dollar store for some last minute shopping before the weekend
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
EVs need EV-specific tires. They will also soon need EV-specific electrons if the dealerships are to be believed
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
I must go my planet needs me
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Reacting to the need for more energy and reducing carbon emissions, Japan heel-turns and embraces the atom. Rising fusion ball in the sky, future generations of kaiju applaud the decision
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed December 21, 2022
(BBC)
 
 
 
Prison hulks to make a comeback thanks to the Tories
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Wall St. nostradami were juuuuust a bit outside. Maybe they need glasses
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
No need to play the Peach Bowl. A panda has chosen Georgia over OSU
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue December 20, 2022
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Break out the tiny violins ... Aww, forget it. Liz Hurley is 'stranded at the Antigua airport with no food or water' and she needs your help because she's caught in travel chaos (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
With keyboards like these, who needs a monitor?
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
A Republican lies? Tell me this isn't true
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon December 19, 2022
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Much like a crow hunting for shiny baubles, Bird needs those quarters you owe
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Help Wanted: Men & Women ages 25-55 to play the role of an intrepid political news reporter. Compensation will be making a sad, old man very happy. Ugly women need not apply. NDA required
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun December 18, 2022
(KWQC Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Boy desperately needs life-saving reconstructive surgery on leg and groin to open up blood flow. A plastic surgeon is the only doctor who can perform this procedure on pediatric patients. What could possibly be the problem?
source: kwqc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Citation needed
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat December 17, 2022
(MSN)
 
 
 
If you ever needed an example of love at first sight, here's the video for you. This love is extra special because it's the love between a little girl and a shelter cat. Welcome to Caturday
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri December 16, 2022
(Kotaku)
 
 
 
For only $100, you too can not own a copy of Diablo IV
source: kotaku.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Statue of Putin highlights his dickheadedness
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Gohmert (R) says we need to instill Judeo-Christian morality in our children or our first and second amendment rights should be eliminated
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 15, 2022
(Chattanooga Pulse)
 
 
 
Looks like Big Tow forgot to pay off at least one city mayor
source: chattanoogapulse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
45,000 minted, at $99 each is $4.4M. Guess he needs some cash
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Alert)
 
 
 
Cats don't need us, they knead us
source: sciencealert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Engadget)
 
 
 
Need to get a domestic abuser off your cell phone plan? Biden's got your back
source: engadget.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Voice)
 
 
 
...and not 1 cop needed Narcan
source: dailyvoice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lifehacker)
 
 
 
I don't even know if they make sphygmomanometers for raccoons, but I know at least one person not getting one for Christmas
source: lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed December 14, 2022
(The Sun)
 
 
 
"My husband says I'm turning into my mother but he's the real jerk" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Columbus Dispatch)
 
 
 
We need more workers, so let's get those 14-year-olds to work late on school nights
source: dispatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
World Cup Semifinal 2 @2PM ET: Giant killer Morocco, having slayed Spain & Portugal, need to dispatch one more to play for The Cup, but current Champions Les Bleus plan to never give up, never surrender, on their quest for the very rare repeat Cup
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue December 13, 2022
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
NASA selects the UAE because we don't need Russian crap at the Moon
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Colorado Sun)
 
 
 
Mosquito Man isn't the hero that we deserve, but the one that we need. Also, please hand him some calamine lotion
source: coloradosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Goldman scales back consumer unit and cuts 100s of jobs because people don't need banks, corporations do
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
It turns out that you don't actually need to use deodorant. Well, I mean, *you* do. Jesus Christ, your BO is something bottled and brought back from Hell's deepest swamp. But other people can get by without it, generally speaking
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Hey recently laid off Silicon Valley tech workers, need a job? The US government wants to talk to you. The pay sucks and the culture is highly bureaucratic. You'll be working with languages from before you were born, but hey, government benefits
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
When you need a photo of the CEO of Sony showing the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, some of the company's top technology what device do you show? Guesses to the right, and the actual photo to left, hence the tag. Subby bets Tim's seen it somewhere before
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Ugly-ass penguin chick born at Tulsa Zoo. Need Farkers to help choose its name
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Keep calm and pray you still have a retirement fund
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Are you finding it difficult to maintain an appropriately high smug level? Consider renting a potted Christmas tree that gets planted after you're done with it -- that should give you the boost you need
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Elmo: We've eliminated child porn and hate speech from Twitter, so no need for that Trust and Safety Council anymore
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon December 12, 2022
(Slate)
 
 
 
Slate: we need more assholes on TV
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
"More than I make now, or will ever make"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Participants in the Arctic Winter Games trials will be well taken care of, providing they don't need to sleep, eat, shower, or exist when they're not competing
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun December 11, 2022
(Quanta Magazine)
 
 
 
So even when someone decides that they are never going to need calculus or ever use it, their brain is using calculus
source: quantamagazine.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Building an entire sport around the need to constantly water 160 acres of finely manicured grass might not be a good business model in the era of climate change
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Dear Farkers that have gone through divorce: I need help getting through this. Any advice is greatly appreciated
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat December 10, 2022
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
Forget Santa, Krampus is the Christmas icon we need these days
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri December 09, 2022
(Lifehacker)
 
 
 
How to half-ass Christmas breakfast
source: lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
India's Modi says he's cancelling this year's date with Putin over Vlad's nuke threats, need to stay home and wash his hair
source: uk.finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
UK: Who needs clean rivers anyway?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 08, 2022
(Manchester Evening News)
 
 
 
Obviously, but there are stupid people so this article is needed
source: manchestereveningnews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Signs that your country is toast: (A) You need a planner for all the strikes coming up this month (B) Your government wants to take away your right to go on strike (C) Both
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My San Antonio)
 
Weeners
 
Massive erection to receive much-needed shaft work
source: mysanantonio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Sounds like he's going to need a roommate
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mashable)
 
 
 
Apple Music Sing is here to fulfill all your karaoke needs. It's been rumored that if you sing the country ones backwards then you get back your dog, your truck, your wife, and your house
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
I need a gift for work-appropriate blind santa, 10-15 dollar range. I'd like to lean towards either playful or useful, suggestions?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Virgin's plans cockblocked
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Topless beaches now legal on Nantucket / There's no more finin' / So there's no need for whinin' / But by going free in winter you've said "fark it"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
You submitted this with a funnier headline, but it needed a comma
source: delano.lu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed December 07, 2022
(Vice)
 
 
 
Want to build your own habitable planet with blackjack and hookers? You might need a bunch of ammonia, formaldehyde and gamma rays
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Disabled pup, Gravity was abandoned, but hasn't let that keep him down. He's been in foster care for 2 years and really loves his foster mom, but what he would love even more is a forever home that can meet his special needs in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thread Reader)
 
 
 
Matt Tabbibi: why does Twitter's general counsel need to go through the Twitter Files before public release? He's sabotaging me and the public's right to gawk at Hunter Biden's weiner. Elmo Mask: I dunno, so he's fired
source: threadreaderapp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MovieWeb)
 
 
 
Because he needs to shut up and take our money, that's why
source: movieweb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue December 06, 2022
(WTAE)
 
Hero
 
Who needs a feel-good story right in the feels?
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
The most boring movies ever seen, because sometimes we need to have a reason to sleep during the film
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 San Francisco)
 
 
 
Suspect who taunted a special needs kid, then knocked out the eye of a woman defending him, is arrested. Surprisingly, Florida isn't mentioned anywhere in the article
source: abc7news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon December 05, 2022
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Greece and Bulgaria discuss oil pipeline bypassing Bosphorus Strait, secure need for blackjack and hookers
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
Senate plots pro-pot move for the upcoming lame-duck session. They clearly know they are going to need it once they see the Republican House agenda
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Krebs On Security)
 
 
 
"You can trusting PushWoosh because is US based software of trust message. No need worrying." US Army: "Sounds good to us, bundle it in all the things"
source: krebsonsecurity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
You know those voice assistants where you ask a question and they answer it? This is kind of like those except you don't need to use voice. And it's a typewriter
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun December 04, 2022
(Fark)
 
 
 
I'm looking for a VR headset to do flight simulators. what do I need?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Florida Politics)
 
 
 
DeSantis suspends citizen-elected prosecutor for being a "woke ideologue," leading to DeSantis officials having to define woke in court. "The belief there are systemic injustices in American society and the need to address them." So, the Deep State?
source: floridapolitics.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Yes, Senator Ernst, the Democratic party was deliberately flipping *you* off by moving their primary from Iowa to South Carolina. The Democratic party should choose Samuel L. Jackson to deliver their brief retort
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
City needs to be able to cut animal shelter's lawn. However, there's one minor problem
source: mantecabulletin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Oil prices will continue to fall as OPEC realizes they need to sell oil to make money
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Adams: NYC needs better transit in time for the 2026 World Cup. MTA: Best we can do is 2037, but we're already meeting FIFA corruption goals
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Yo dawg, we herd you're a dog needing some emotional support, so we got you your own emotional support dog
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
Do we still need to be concerned about Covid misinformation?
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat December 03, 2022
(SFist)
 
 
 
Involuntarily commitment could be the tool needed to clean up city streets, politics tab
source: sfist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Register)
 
 
 
Obscenely wealthy corporations think $52 billion in free taxpayer money is an excellent start, but they're going to need a lot more
source: theregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri December 02, 2022
(Fark)
 
 
 
Any chance we can have a Farketplace Thank You thread? An item was delivered today and I am just blown away by how beautiful it is. Also, Fark might need a badass tag because this sh*t's badass
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AlterNet)
 
 
 
DeSantis may need to court the nazi vote
source: alternet.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 01, 2022
(CNN)
 
 
 
The 4-day workweek trial is a huge success. It turns out that people don't like working an extra day when they don't need to. It was also good for business. Average revenue rose 38%. This is not a repeat from feudal times or the industrial revolution
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TVLine)
 
 
 
"The Masked Singer really needs to end." End? Hell, it never should have started
source: tvline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
1Password, no longer 2 things to remember. No need to recall whether you made the poor choice to use your Facebook or Google login to that obscure snarky comment site. 1Password will helpfully remember third-party logins for you
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
It's a shame to see your ancestor's history paved over, but we need more apartments in the desert
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Florida sheriff says kids are too soft these days, need to go back to the old days where kids literally needed to fear they're going to have the cheeks of their ass torn off for not doing right in class
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medical News Today)
 
 
 
Hopefully you don't need a dick splint, so anyway here's everything you need to know about penis pumps
source: medicalnewstoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed November 30, 2022
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
The future of American and Iranian relations is going to be a good one. We just have a few small things we need to clear up first
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Joy Reid: Corporate needs you to find the difference between Nick Fuentes and the standard GOP
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
White Supremacist denies he was part of secret plan to embarrass Trump, it's not like Trump needs help in embarrassing himself
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Examiner)
 
 
 
The left has begun this year's War on Christmas by *checks notes* going after the new Santa Clause movie? We really need to step up our game, guys
source: washingtonexaminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Not so much heart attacks as wincing and grabbing our groins in sympathy
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPTV Portland)
 
 
 
Captain Jack's early life was one of abuse & neglect, but thanks to a Portland woman who made a cross-country trip to adopt him & a community who supports him, he's now living his best life. Please welcome him & his mom to Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: kptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Voice of America)
 
 
 
German climate activists glue themselves to Dinosaur Exhibit. If they went to the La Brea Tar Pits they wouldn't have even needed the glue
source: voanews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Tampa Airport has a giant Flamingo statue that needs a name. You know what to do Farkers
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue November 29, 2022
(CNN)
 
Hero
 
Because real men are stoic loners who don't need "friends," they just need one true companion, a down-to-earth bro they can spend all day driving cattle with and then all night making sweet, not-gay love to in their mountainside tent
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
When you decide you need some change in your life, there are better ways to do it than this
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
All right Collinson, I know things are tough right now, but we need you to reach deep down inside and pull out the stupidest take you possibly can
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon November 28, 2022
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Green Bay needs to be open to Love
source: ftw.usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
NYT: NYC metro is incredibly safe, why did voters believe it was a violent wasteland in need of Snake Plissken or Charles Bronson? We are all looking for whoever spread that misinformation and just repeated NYPD and GOP talking points unchallenged
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Incoming GOP leaders says our weapons are too complex for Ukrainians. "Our air defense systems are so complex, we need to make certain that we work with partners and pull together an air defense system that they can" blah blah blah
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
If you're already missing home runs, bat flips and bench-clearing brawls complete with a blindside clotheslining, then Venezuelan winter ball has what you need
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun November 27, 2022
(Daily Record (UK))
 
 
 
Scots farmer offers tourists the billionaire lifestyle aboard his own newly bought private jet... Difficulty: You'll have to wait until he 'tarts' it up and need to remain in his farm field
source: dailyrecord.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Taggart fired after a 5-7 season at Florida Atlantic. Now he's going to need a shiatload of dimes
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Just a heads up, if you need storage space (HDD or SSD/NVME) this site will let you sort by new/used, site, and show you the best deals and price per TB. Enjoy. It's like IsThereAnyDeal but for storage instead of games
source: diskprices.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat November 26, 2022
(Ultimate Classic Rock)
 
 
 
If you paid a pretty penny for one of the limited edition (900 copies) of Bob Dylan's The Philosophy of Modern Song, which he *cough* "personally autographed", uh....we need to have a talk
source: ultimateclassicrock.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri November 25, 2022
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Tony Robinson says UK care system is in chaos, sorely needs a plan as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University to set things right
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu November 24, 2022
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Phony Stark: we don't need Twitter users from the frickin' EU
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
I need cookie recipes. Sure, some of you will post the "open package, stuff in face" but some of you are interesting and not troglodytes so lay them on me
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
The world does NOT need immortal rich people
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tom's Hardware)
 
 
 
Intel plans to do with chips what EV makers are trying to do with cars: rob their customers blind
source: tomshardware.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Did we really need another example reminder there are zero hot teens willing to have a lewd text session. Even you, Teach
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed November 23, 2022
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
We're going to need a lot more large scales, and raft of ducks
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
So why DO we buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like?
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue November 22, 2022
(MSN)
 
 
 
The same guy who caused an AIDS epidemic in his state by shutting down needle exchanges and defunding Planned Parenthood so as not to encourage "immoral" behavior decides "only God can judge others" when asked if Trump is a "good man"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DW)
 
 
 
Finally, the voting rights expansion we desperately needed
source: dw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Dodo)
 
 
 
Cat walks into hospital since it actually needed medical attention. At least it is better now
source: thedodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
"How do I know if my wife is cheating on me with her male coworkers? I have no proof but I assume because I need to really believe this" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon November 21, 2022
(NPR)
 
 
 
It's either evidence we need to repeal the 2nd Amendment or evidence we should abolish all laws because criminals don't follow them
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Unbearable: Need to scratch yourself but you are in an Apollo spacesuit. Relief: Those NASA boffins think of EVERYTHING
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun November 20, 2022
(Maritime Executive)
 
 
 
No need to worry, there's just been a teeny little explosion on a tanker full of jet fuel at an Alaskan port
source: maritime-executive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Pay what you can restaurant opens to serve the needs of a small city. The catch: it's vegan
source: theroanoker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat November 19, 2022
(Some Big Bang)
 
 
 
You don't need a starship, now you can explore the entire known universe from the comfort of your bunk. (Hey, that's my house)
source: mapoftheuniverse.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri November 18, 2022
(Sportskeeda)
 
 
 
No need to do a double take. The new Minnesota Twins logo is basically the same as the old one
source: sportskeeda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Federal Aviation Administration)
 
 
 
FAA decides that balloon "pilots" need to meet the same medical checks as people who are actually in control of where they go
source: faa.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
White House admits it may need to go full Montgomery Burns with the Sun
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter