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headlines found matching 'Need'
Mon May 25, 2020
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Of all the terrible movies that didn't need remade, this one didn't need remade the most
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 24, 2020
(Reuters)
 
 
 
In news that is surprising to no one, most of the publicly traded companies kept the loans meant for small businesses
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
After stabbing Sessions in the back and throwing him under the bus, Trump feels the need to drive over him a few more times and hide some cutlery in his shoulder blades
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Wine Ninjas are spreading happiness and good cheer. The world needs more wine ninjas
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 23, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
Delivery of draft beer growlers keeps pizza chain in business. New rule: Any law that is waived during an "emergency" is a law that needs to be repealed in all situations
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
In one factual Tweet, Hillary triggered massive increase in high blood pressure, foaming from the mouth and rage in Trumps Cultists. "The president needs to stop playing a doctor on TV"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Quantum scale violinist needed, apply within
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
The sound of pan pipes has been echoing around a German castle 6 hours a day for 73 days. Needs more cowbell
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
You need a smile, so watch this delightful video of Mandy Patinkin eating matzah and playing a pop culture trivia game with his family
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Curbed)
 
 
 
What you really need to survive Florida is your own private water park
source: curbed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 22, 2020
(Fox 32 Chicago)
 
 
 
There's no need to find Fark's favorite low bridge when you drive around with your bed raised
source: fox32chicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
♫ I need a HERO So I'll just hop across the highway and borrow it til the end of the night He's got to be strong and he's got to be fast ♫ and wow that cop is strong and fast
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Refinery29)
 
 
 
Top 7 sites that will deliver alcohol to your doorstep or server room
source: refinery29.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
"I need your boots, your motorcycle, and your...amusing plastic frog?" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Philadelphia Inquirer)
 
 
 
Sometimes, the voters need a little help finding the best candidate, and he provided that help
source: inquirer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
Boobies
 
Alabama single moms rejoice as strip clubs reopen at 1700 hours today. Baby needs a new pair of shoes
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
The European viper uses a cloak-and-dazzle method to escape predators. Coats of mud or getting to the choppah not needed
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
$1,025,000
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
At your wit's end from social distancing? Need something different in entertainment and distraction? How about a first look at a new science fiction book? Presenting: The Voyage of the New Beginning, through Chapter 25 - "Rosie"
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Bed Bath & Beyond to re-open 600 stores, bring back 11,000 workers on news we all need a good washing about now
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Not that I give much credence to random YouTube videos, but I found this one quite instructive. Do we really need a version of royalty no matter what country we live in
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Republic)
 
 
 
The restaurant industry needs to be blown up
source: newrepublic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Orange toddler spotted wearing mask at Ford plant
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 21, 2020
(Uproxx)
 
 
 
So you're telling me that Beer Influencers are a thing. Man, I need a drink
source: uproxx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are back at 4pm Eastern with today's Fark Livestream News Update - everything you need to know, some things you don't, and the fantastic return of the Cuomo Brothers sitcom with the episode "What did Andrew really shove up his nose?"
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
I know it's a quiet place these days but the NYC subway is not your personal love making spot
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadline)
 
 
 
Just how dumb is Half-scoop? Dumb enough to try to pick a fight with a guy who has hours of radio time to fill every day and is beloved by the same demographic his dad desperately needs to win big in to have any chance at all this November
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 20, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
CDC director Robert Redfield: America's ready to start its grand reopening from the coronavirus pandemic. Also crematoriums are no longer at full capacity and need bodies
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Party and Power over People: Trump and his enablers in the Republican party are responsible for the needless deaths of tens of thousands of American citizens
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
7pm Eastern Drew and Dallan are back with this week's first Fark News Summary Livestream - all the pandemic news you need, some you don't, Skunk Ape, parallel universes, penguins and cats playing soccer
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Answer: "Gov. DeSantis. Open our bars. We need our life back." Question: When do protest signs send wrong messages about protesters?
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Analysis has 9% of Trump 2016 voters now planning to vote for Biden, twice the number of Clinton 2016 voters who planned to vote for Trump. No need to vote now as Biden clearly has this wrapped up
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 27)
 
 
 
So when do you not need to wear your protective mask?
source: abc27.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Elderly neighbors pass on advice to graduating high school seniors, like "Listen to your mom and dad," "Eat something sweet every day," "Be kind or you'll have to empty your own colostomy bag"
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
Someone earned themselves a special hell by destroying a special needs playground. A special hell
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Need Another Spaceflight Administrator
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 19, 2020
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
The Ikea horror movie instructions we all need
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
If you ever felt like making Hertz donuts, one of these might be just what you need
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inquirer Philippines)
 
 
 
Study finds "Dr. Google" rarely provides the correct diagnosis on the first try. We needed a study for that?
source: technology.inquirer.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
National Guard deployments to virus-heavy areas could be canceled by Trump on June 24--just one day before said service members would receive much-needed education and retirement benefits
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Uproxx)
 
 
 
With flights and personal finances being as they are, how about we share options and tips for road trip ideas? Here's everything we need to know for a COVID-Era summer road trip
source: uproxx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 18, 2020
(Metro)
 
 
 
Britain says anyone who develops a lack of taste will need to self-isolate. So bad news, Manchester United fans
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Congress gave colleges a $14 billion lifeline with the stipulation that it should go to students in legitimate need. Two months later, much of it is unspent. Guess there are no needy students? Oh well, maybe they'll just build a new gym or something
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Strip club that straddles the Colorado-Wyoming border reopens. "We're on eight-inch heels and obviously a mask sometimes messes with your vision like I need to be able to see where my feet are going. In eight-inch heels it could be deadly"
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Asia Times)
 
 
 
The F-35, procured as a supersonic fighter, will be greatly restricted from flying that fast because they hardly ever need to, it's really just a nicety, and it burns the tail off
source: asiatimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Christianity should not be about simply following a strict set of rules, and if that's the way you think, you need to lighten up. --Francis
source: cnstopstories.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 17, 2020
(Decider)
 
 
 
Morty misses his English class for another adventure with Rick, which is hard to believe that an interstellar adventure is more essential than the most critical class in high school. Rick and Morty, "The Vat of Acid," 11:30PM ET on Cartoon Network
source: decider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Badges, we don't need no stinkin' badges...oh wait, it's New Jersey? I guess you do need badges. Never mind
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady))
 
 
 
It's not unusual when only one person is on the ballot running for the school board. It is unusual when voters need to fill three positions
source: dailygazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TimeOut)
 
 
 
With everything going on in the world these days, what we really need right now is some good old fashioned soul music. Welcome, my brothers and sisters, to the Sunday Morning Music Club
source: timeout.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Re-opening gyms in defiance of pandemic protection rules: Yo momma's so fat, she outweighs the needs of the many
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 16, 2020
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
He really does need professional help
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KLTV Tyler)
 
 
 
Sure. This is what we needed. Blue dragons washing up on Texas beaches. Scary tag ran away
source: kltv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Here's the list of Canadian government's six guiding principles for working during COVID-19. America, you need dis
source: god.dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
We have cameras and YouTube now, we don't need you to tell us what is going on
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 15, 2020
(AP News)
 
 
 
Another thing about to be assimilated by Facebook because what the world needs now is Giphy with ads
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Jersey 101.5)
 
 
 
Trump said he doesn't want to see a "new normal" with people distant from each other and needing to wear masks in public. "Who wants to do that?" Just a guess but people who don't want to die or infect others for the greater good?
source: nj1015.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Business up top. Party down below. Japan creates the pajamullet for your video conferencing needs
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Some Republicans who will need to convince voters to submit mail-in votes to get elected are learning that spending the last few years spouting bullshiat about "voter fraud" that doesn't actually exist is making it hard for people to trust them
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Prom photographer needs camera with autofocus
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 14, 2020
(Medium)
 
 
 
Listen up - here's everything you need to know about herd immunity
source: elemental.medium.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Appliance delivery driver records as HOA president blocks in his vehicle and demands to know what he's doing and who gave him the gate code. Guess their skin colors
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 13, 2020
(Cincinnati Enquirer)
 
 
 
Well, it looks like "Snowball" is going to need a bath after being rescued from the sewer system
source: cincinnati.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Russia bans ventilators from being used because they tend to start fires. First, though, they need to send some to the US
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(South China Morning Post)
 
 
 
Chinese warmongers: The US Fleet is down with coronavirus and unable to defend Taiwan, invade now. Communist party leadership: Patience, grasshopper, for we ourselves are not yet strong enough
source: scmp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Funny thing about restaurants, they generally need a license from the state health department to operate. So, if they reopen in defiance of state orders during a public health emergency, they really shouldn't be shocked when that license is yoinked
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
President Kushner thinks we need to open the economy now, but holding an election in November is still too early to tell
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
D'awww in a time of pandemic
source: inspiremore.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 12, 2020
(Alternative Press)
 
 
 
Apparently we needed to be told it's a bad idea to surf across hundreds of strangers for fun right now
source: altpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
It tastes like bubblegum and cough medicine, it's 15% alcohol and has as much caffeine as 10 cans of coke. Just what you need for a night out robbin'
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wired)
 
 
 
Needing a companion for lunch? Ben and Willard and friends are available and looking
source: wired.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Yes yes, but what about the Needful suffering?
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
How many times does the Canadian government need to apologize for Bryan Adams?
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Even Monk himself got the coronavirus. Keith Richards snorts another rail of dear old Dad and is healthy
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(10daily)
 
 
 
Queensland restaurant owner uses his heads to create the illusion of a busy establishment
source: 10daily.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
We need to stop asking our kids to "rise above"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Mabel needs to focus more on the business at hand during the company Zoom meetings:
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 11, 2020
(Bring Me the News)
 
 
 
Kayaker attempting to paddle entire length of Mississippi River doesn't quite reach Gulf of Mexico; didn't bring life jacket and gets as far as "still in northern Minnesota" before needing rescue
source: bringmethenews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWE)
 
 
 
Tonight on RAW: The Man comes around for MiTB winner, the Empress of Tomorrow. Edge still has business with a Viper & The Street Profits need some version of "the smoke" they are better at than the Viking Raiders. It all starts at 8 PM ET on USA
source: wwe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Matt Lucas gives the UK the speech they needed
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Need more stimulus money to pay rent and feed the fam? Does $5000 sound good? It will just cost you a delay in receiving Social Security benefits...plus interest
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Amateur Hour? Where is the fecking Gong when you need it? Professionals keep going down, partisan loyalist hacks keep being packed into vital public offices and political positions
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
If you needed any more proof that the GOP are concerned about Trump losing, they've just started caring about the deficit again
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Baptist Preacher called Mother's Day is a 'feminist plague' on our society. He also had called for the murder of Sarah Silverman for not respecting his god. His mother must be so proud of her little man
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 10, 2020
(AP News)
 
 
 
Good news: Trump's 100,000 ventilators are coming in only a week behind schedule. Better news: We don't need them
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Tired of waking up each morning to a rational world? Come check out the ultimate COVID-19 Conspiracy Theory video. It has everything, in one glorious 4:19 minute package of self-reinforcing insanity. Fark needs an "Insane" tag.;
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Need some cash? Falling behind on the bills? Tired of all those phone calls from people asking you to pay them? Just pull off a special-ops mission in the heart of South America and enjoy that sweet, sweet bounty money
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 09, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
This pro-Trump, pro 2A tough guy does not like Governor Woof and he needs your vote
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
We need to put the young whippersnappers into national service. Americorps needs to be done now in these coronavirus times
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 08, 2020
(Huffington Post Canada)
 
 
 
If these are the restrictions you need to impose in order to reopen schools, maybe you are trying to reopen them too early
source: huffingtonpost.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Covington GA councilwoman finds a scared homeless old man sitting in a town park, takes him off the street and put him in a hotel while looking for his family. Finds out he's a missing dementia patient, reconnects him to his family. Damn dusty story
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NHL)
 
 
 
NHL cancels beginning of 2020-21 season before cancelling end of 2019-20 season
source: nhl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
When Ahmaud Arbrey's killers called 911 they DID NOT report that he was a suspected burglar, just that there was "a black male running down the street," leading a baffled dispatcher to say, "I just need to know what he was doing wrong"
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
In these dark times, we all need a good police / duckling intervention
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHQA Quincy)
 
 
 
When life gives you melons, donate to families in need of food. Also, you may have dyslexia
source: khqa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Somebody's gonna need an extra Diet Coke today
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
White House Press Secretary: "Look, the GOP doesn't need to be turning away voters and isolating them. We need to be bringing them into the tent. Donald Trump is the last person who's going to do that"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 07, 2020
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Need targets to simulate enemy missiles for your interceptor test? Just wait for your enemy to go broke, and buy the actual missiles
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Why does Jesus need a PPP loan?
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SILive)
 
 
 
Nurses are underpaid and it wasn't like her 70 year old dying coronavirus patient needed his credit card anymore anyway
source: silive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fast Company)
 
 
 
Why do good leaders need to learn the power of 'I don't know'? I dunno?
source: fastcompany.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are livestreaming the Fark Daily News Summary at 7pm tonight. Come for the news you need, stay for the monkey videos
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
What's in Andy Serkis' pocketses? An online reading of The Hobbit, my precious
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWLTV New Orleans)
 
 
 
You may want to do a Cartman freeze for this ... Drew Brees vs Tom Brady to open 2020/21 NFL season from New Orleans. Tag is for the NFL ... the world needs this game
source: wwltv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Tara Reade allegations and the timing questioned by notable Liberal Activist....Tucker Carlson? 2020 is intent on making my head explode, isn't it. Fark REALLY needs a 'Da Fuq?' tag
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spin Magazine)
 
 
 
Need some age-appropriate books for your child to read? There's Judy Blume, Beverley Cleary, Guns N Roses, Maurice Sendak...wait, WHAT?
source: spin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
America once again needs to be labeled a third world country, it's coronavirus recovery is way behind Europe's because of its lame lockdown policies
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 06, 2020
(Vox)
 
 
 
You citizens of America need to face the brutal truth in these coronavirus times: America isn't as exceptional as it thinks it is
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Navajo Nation: Can you send us COVID-19 tests and supplies? We need them. US Government: Sure, here's a bunch of body bags
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
We're losing our local colorful characters, village idiots, and resident weirdos to coronavirus
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Variety)
 
 
 
Go away human influencer, you are no longer needed. I am Miquela and I'm prepared to break the internet
source: variety.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ProPublica)
 
 
 
Not content with cupping your balls and stealing your luggage, TSA withheld unneeded stockpile of 1.3 million N95 masks from hospitals and first responders. Fark needs a Pure Evil tag
source: propublica.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
The US Treasury says it's already borrowed half $3tril it needs to keep the GOP mega-donors happy and quiet
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Jacksonville gonna Jacksonville
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
Woman feeds stray cat that shows up on her doorstep. Stray cat then calls her wee nursing kittens out from under the house to meet the woman who saved them all. Now they're all one big happy family
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 05, 2020
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Despite Trump's very inspiringly leaderlike order that meat plants stay open to serve the nation in its time of need, pork production is down 50 percent. Huh. Maybe he forgot to say "hereby" when he issued the order?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Harvard Crimson)
 
 
 
We don't want to imply that Harvard took the side of a genocidal dictator rather than standing up for human rights. We don't need to imply it because that's precisely what they did
source: thecrimson.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The US Sun)
 
 
 
Doggos Barley and Buddy making the beer delivery rounds to local brew customers on Long Island is all you need to know in these coronavirus times that beer drinkers are loved
source: the-sun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
"Every midterm. Every time Barack didn't get the Congress he needed, that was because our folks didn't show up. After all that work, they just couldn't be bothered to vote at all. That's my trauma"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Chris Christie says we need to accept death, and welcome it like a delicious cream pie
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Infectious PA woman goes out on the town after quarantine, gets a night in jail and a new ankle bracelet
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Infectious PA woman goes out on the town after quarantine, gets a night in jail and a new ankle bracelet
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Facebook)
 
 
 
And because you need it, elephants
source: facebook.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
It looks like two Corinthians isn't going to cut it anymore. Trump is going to need a few thousand Lazaruses if he's going to recover support from white Christians
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Mississippi: Instead of giving welfare directly to needy families, we're going to make "block grants" to non-profits to help the poor. MS Auditor: and by "help the poor" you mean "steal it" through "he most egregious misspending my staff have seen"
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 04, 2020
(WKBW Buffalo)
 
 
 
Remember when people said it would be impossible to distribute all the food being thrown out by America's farmers? Yeah, they were wrong
source: wkbw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Everything you need to know about Phase 1 of reopening Florida. Well, it's the home state of Florida Man, so set Phases on stunning stupidity
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
The coronavirus is forcing both Republicans and Democrats to wrestle with an existential question -- what if our political conventions are actually just needless bullshiat?
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Obama's campaign Wonder Twins David Axelrod and David Plouffe:"What Joe Biden Needs to Do to Beat Trump." Given how Trump is un-managing the coronavirus pandemic and its fallout, Subby suggests: "Nothing"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Food Network)
 
 
 
Need ideas to celebrate Cinco de Mayo that don't actually involve beer?
source: foodnetwork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)
 
 
 
It's going to be really tough for NFL teams needing to draft a Qb next year
source: triblive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Essence)
 
 
 
1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor. Then a 5th tequila cocktail idea for when you need a morning pick me up
source: essence.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
Really, does anyone need sports?
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 03, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
So, how did Lex come to power after the Crisis on Infinite Earths? And what does Kate need to get from Batman's arsenal? New Batwoman tonight at 8PM EDT, followed by the first new Supergirl in awhile at 9PM, both on The CW
source: batwoman.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Gilead set to make a zillion dollars on Remdesivir. Wait, what that? They are donating the entire supply?
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Babylon Bee)
 
 
 
Look, I know this is satire, but we need this. Can someone get to work on implementing this, ASAP?
source: babylonbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 02, 2020
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Excess U.S. deaths hit estimated 37,100 in pandemic's early days, far more than previously known. "I think people need to be aware that the data they're seeing on deaths is very incomplete." No kidding
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Principal .Caught sayof)
 
 
 
"They scrutinized prototypes for a robotic exoskeleton go well with and joined operational briefings, which Mr. Schmidt needed to study extra about as a result of he had lately begun advising the navy on know-how." Alrighty, then
source: digitaltariq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Yet another cultural norm Millennials have violated: lingerie exclusively for the sharp-kneed. (Pics SFW unless you work in a church)
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Your homemade sourdough bread could help scientists solve research questions in microbiology. However your homemade rye bread is a crime against humanity like all rye bread, and needs to be killed with fire
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 01, 2020
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
Christopher Lloyd just loved torturing that poor little shoe in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
I will never lie to you, lies the White House Press Secretary
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Holy Guacamole Cinco de Mayo is a-coming and I need some Guac. to go with my tequila
source: us.hola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
In this unprecedented time, Alex Jones reminds us there is something you need to seriously consider. Could you eat your neighbors?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Brenda's Beaver Need a Barber, a children's classic
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
I've got 25 Farks2give and some time on my hands. Anyone that wants or needs one stop in and say hi. I'll hook you up with a month till I'm out
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
What do corona virus first responders need? Nuclear support
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Aussie sex workers push to be considered an 'essential service', say everyone needs a little push push in the bush, even in these coronavirus times
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Taiwan claims North Korea's Kim Jong Un is still in charge but sick. Summing up we have alive hiding from the coronavirus, dead, mostly dead, sick, and taken by aliens. Fine, subby made the last one up...but it's really just to complete the picture
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Jeff Bezos says, Amazon will likely lose money because we have a lot of surfaces that need wiping and that ain't free. Plus, we have to turn on the air conditioning, give a crap about our employees, stuff like that
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 30, 2020
(Reuters)
 
 
 
As if we needed proof that Trump doesn't care what anyone thinks, he's considering bringing back Flynn
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dezeen)
 
 
 
What you didn't know you needed was a transparent crystal foosball table
source: dezeen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: OhFark!
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
At 7:00 PM, ESPN will be showing Michigan - Ohio State from 2016. It has been four years, we'll see if Michigan fans have learned yet that the chains aren't needed when the ball is spotted at the 25 for double OT
source: espnpressroom.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
That they need to dust more often, just like the rest of us
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few...or the one
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
We've been at this isolation thing for a while now, so what things do you: A) Have too much of, B) Not have enough of, C) No longer have a need for, D) Now find are essential?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
Lines of traffic form at a KFC drive-thru as hungry locals queue up for their-first heart-attack-inna-bucket in a month. Fark: It wasn't actually open to customers and the police had to be called out. Tag needs an '-es'
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Look at these damn lil monkeys, look at them. Who needs dynamite when you've got grapes
source: imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
If you need to buy flowers and plants in Bucks County PA, you might want to read this
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Everything workers need to know about PPP loans, reduced hours, medical and child-care exemptions from returning to work, etc
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Todrick Hall comes out with the Quarantine Anthem we all need. Get out those Mask, Gloves, Soap, Scrubs and be fabulous
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Billings Gazette)
 
 
 
One of the lesser known Ni saying Knights rescues dog from cliff ledge
source: billingsgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 29, 2020
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
The two-note idea makes us anxious: we need more information, we know something else is coming, and that something WAS NO BOATING ACCIDENT
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Having nothing else to do, ESPN is trying to figure out how old Don Mattingly is. Fark needs a Bored tag
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Did you need an eight-cello rendition of the Inspector Gadget theme today? Yes, yes you did
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Need something to pass the time in quarantine? Try Bob Ross Bingo
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Needing your Olive Garden fix? Y'all head to Georgia and follow these rules
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
NYC officials are hoping against hope that the beaches can be opened this summer for Whitefish season
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
The idea that Democratic states are struggling and Republican states are thriving is a lie. Red states need coronavirus bailouts too
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The NFL has investigated the latest Tom Brady scandal and determined there's no need to click this link
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USGS)
 
 
 
USGS releases the first complete geological map of the moon, so that you'll have up-to-date information when you need to move for improved social distancing
source: usgs.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 28, 2020
(Lehigh Valley Live)
 
 
 
When he confronted the driver he cut off he was doing so in self defense and they should just get over it, he really needed to get to Sam's Club
source: lehighvalleylive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Joe Biden says we need more "Economic Intercourse" with the world. Let's get it on people
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
You already have all you need to make fabled stone soup: catsup, can of corn, old slice of pizza, jar of olives
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"My daughter is in kindergarten; our life was upturned by the pandemic, and as a result her teacher thinks I need to redshirt my daughter. I'm not even a Star Trek fan; how can I force her to sacrifice herself for her friends by staying back?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WINK Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Because if there's one thing we need right now in Florida, it's landfalling hurricanes
source: winknews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 27, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Guitar Center needs to change its tune, as it has just $3 million in the bank and $1.2 billion in debt to pay
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
First Kobe caused the coronavirus spread, now the Lakers have to return 4.6 million in loans intended for small businesses. I Love LA
source: foxsports1260.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Nancy Pelosi endorses Joe Biden for President, dashing Subby's hopes that Vermin Supreme would get a much-needed boost in prestige
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
THIS - this right here is EXACTLY what we need right now. (A new voiced) Kermit sings 'Rainbow Connection'. I cried the same old tears
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jacksonville Journal-Courier)
 
 
 
We might disagree with the "not in need of medical attention" comment
source: myjournalcourier.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Republicans need to tell Trump to focus on the sick and dying people, not his sick and dying approval rating, says some guy who has apparently not been paying attention for the last 40 months even though that is his one job
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Gee, if only there was a place where people who can't afford or find food can go to get what they need to hold off starvation. Like a pantry for food. Boy if only those places existed so you didn't have to destroy the food no one was buying
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Irish Post US)
 
 
 
Guinness Brewery based in the US now donating 500 loaves of 'Brewers Bread' to the local food bank in Baltimore every week. Much better than Drew's towels
source: irishpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Before the pandemic, my husband needed an hour to vent work frustration. Working from home, he's angry and exhibits negativity, looking down on people from a position of ethical superiority. He's a good dad and husband; I'm tired of it. What do?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 26, 2020
(Chron)
 
 
 
Need your pecan pie fix, but also want to be responsible and not break social distancing guidelines? You can buy a whole pecan pie from a vending machine in Texas
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
As if you needed any more proof Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a serious baller [NSFW pictures]
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Angelina Jolie says Parents should just be honest with the kids .... That's great, guess Angelina won't be letting subby sneak in again tonight
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 25, 2020
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Nurses are making house calls for patients who need to avoid exposure to coronavirus because of pre-existing conditions. Free house calls
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 24, 2020
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
UK government has told Dyson it doesn't need their ventilator. Dyson spent £20 million developing it but aren't asking for money
source: uk.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
As if we needed any more proof that Dolly Parton is a national treasure
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
US Navy: You know, the USS Theodore Roosevelt needs a new skipper. How about that Captain Crozier fellow? He seems bright and capable
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Chris Cuomo's wife shares health and wellness tips, demonstrates why Fark needs a "woo" tab
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ProPublica)
 
 
 
Are you a low income worker who needed to use a discounted tax prep service to file your taxes? Well, good luck on getting your plague bux then
source: propublica.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Juneau who needs a joke?
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Bill Gates explains all the innovations we will need before we can go back to normal, and the timeline for these
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Only in Florida would a fight break out over who gets to hand out free food for the impoverished
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
No, not the beer, too; we need that
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 23, 2020
(Fark)
 
 
 
Subby just received a misdirected text that said "Hold of on the DNR. The son is on board but we still need to talk to the daughter." What is the strangest text message you've received lately?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Method Man by Wu-Tang Clan QUARANtune by Flula, his bathroom, and a Speak & Spell is what you need this morning
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCJB Gainesville)
 
 
 
Bicycles have become the new toilet paper for people tired of just walking around the block for exercise
source: wcjb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Sports)
 
 
 
ESPN to KBO league: We want to air your games for free. KBO: uh, no?
source: mlb.nbcsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Do you REALLY need those gloves?
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Harvard: Hey you, know, we were just poking around in our old sock drawer and we found this $40 billion permanent endowment, so maybe we don't need that $8 million emergency stimulus loan after all
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"I am a happily married 47-year-old teacher. Every couple of years, former students get in touch to ask me to lunch or coffee; I go if it's been over 5 years since graduation. I went with an ex-student who confessed her love for me. What do I do?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Billionaire investor Leon Cooperman says coronavirus crisis will "likely" change capitalism forever and that taxes will need to raised soon. "Quickly if Biden wins, slowly if Trump wins, but taxes have to go up"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Martha's Vineyard Times)
 
 
 
There are dozens of us, dozens. What's that you say? 10 people showed up? Nevermind
source: mvtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 22, 2020
(YouTube)
 
 
 
This needs repeating: bear in a swing/ bear in a swing/ bear in a swing/ a most wonderful thing
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Floss bikinis are a thing, and they're exactly what you need after eating spinach, raspberries, celery, brisket, or mangoes
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
It's simple. Just don't have any police at NFL games
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Takeout)
 
 
 
Virginia senator needs someone to show him how to make a better tuna melt. Step 1: Throw away tuna melt. Step 2: Pick a better sandwich
source: thetakeout.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Need more proof this timeline is f*cked up? El Chapo has become a true Covid-19 savior for people
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Trump and pretty much everyone in Congress: "Americans need more relief while we deal with this pandemic." Mitch McConnell: "OBJECTION"
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Hopefully you don't need your cable fixed while this whole coronavirus thing is going on
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 21, 2020
(SportsNaut)
 
 
 
Nature of terrible curse to be suffered by Lamar Jackson reveals itself
source: sportsnaut.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Amazon)
 
 
 
I need new RAM for an HP Elitedesk 800 G1 SFF. Does anybody know enough to help a brother out? Is this stuff worth it?
source: amazon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
You know, if your employees are drawing more money on unemployment than they were working for you, maybe we need to rethink bailing out your business
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sports)
 
 
 
Simulated, test-run 2020 NFL Draft suffers several glitches; explanation needs to be provided to Bengals as to why they can't trade up
source: cbssports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gamespot)
 
 
 
We need to talk about the bonus situation because Reebok has Alien Day (4/26) inspired shoes you have to see. Much more effective than harsh language
source: gamespot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
A hunt for storage space as oil glut grows. Could maybe leave it in the ground until you need it
source: in.reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Denmark and Poland are refusing to bail out companies registered in offshore tax havens. Fark needs a schadenfreude tag
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Submitter has been hosting a weekly online trivia game for co-workers, and is in need of your favorite (or least favorite) trivia categories. What you got?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Arrest warrant issued for pastor Tony Spell. No wonder he asked all his parishioners to send him their stimulus checks, he's going to need bail money
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 20, 2020
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Please, proceed
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
I had to hurry up and do a diaper change real quick before I needed to send some commands to the spacecraft
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spoon & Tamago)
 
 
 
Studio Ghibli joins the videoconference background craze. I don't need one, as my home office is already based in Laputa
source: spoon-tamago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Ten six niner, ten six niner. We have bimbos in Georgia. Need backup now
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 19, 2020
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Selling goods people don't need at high prices is the first casualty of the recession
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dr. Funkenstein)
 
 
 
One nation, under a groove, getting down just for the Sunday Morning Music Club. Ow, we want the funk. Give up the funk. Ow, we need the funk. We gotta have that funk
source: albumoftheyear.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Pity the poor criminal lawyers. With no business coming in how will they ever survive? Y'all need to go out an commit some crimes to keep them going
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Thanks to the coronavirus, many couples about to get married are concluding that they don't need to have a wedding after all
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Sheep on a trampoline. Need we say more?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Seeing as the Olympics won't be needing it this year, Tokyo's homeless ask to use Athletes Village complex to ride out COVID-19
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 18, 2020
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
What you need is a restaurant staffed by grandmothers
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Old news: We need ventilators for COVID-19 patients. New horror: We need dialysis machines for COVID-19 patients
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Voice of America)
 
 
 
Apparently God needs three full days of prayer. Sorry, guess we shouldn't have stopped praying after the first day
source: voanews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
DHS warns COVID-19 changes potential terror targets. Good god, they are right. We need armed guards at all toilet paper factories ASAP
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
Rich dude pays $40,000 for a bag of Checkers burgers
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
Rich dude pays $40,000 for a bag of Checkers burgers
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
They say to me "Sir, we think you're doing a great job"
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 17, 2020
(Screen Rant)
 
 
 
If you need a break from all current strife in world, here's a compilation of Keanu Reeves / John Wick animated depictions
source: screenrant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Need a snack for binge-watching? Honey curry butter popcorn is sure to please your puppy baby monkey
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
How to be a Playa, you see a Lucifer wants to be paid, has to be paid, or this whole thing falls apart
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
"Everyone needs to stay home on 4/20," warns notorious straight-edge buzzkill... E-40
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
Fed chair Jay Powell, the hero we need now during this coronavirus crisis
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Three years ago, I got drunk and bought a boat on eBay
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
America needs new names for the state alliances forming to circumvent Trump. Any ideas, Farkers?
source: paleofuture.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Biden needs to show he can do a better job than Trump. Shouldn't be that difficult
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Here's to you, farmer Ryan Cranney of Idaho, for giving away 2 million potatoes to anyone in need
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Gardeners: We feel the need.....the need for seeds
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
I say Levi, we need a bold plan to work out for us
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 16, 2020
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Bezos says widespread testing is needed before the economy can get running again. If only there were a way to get those tests delivered in 48 hrs
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Fark News Update streaming today at 4pm. We'll have what you need to know from today's news, what's flying under the radar, today's news cycle Meta, some random weird stuff, and the wrong kind of flying cars
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
As if Westworld needed any more robots in disguise this season
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Snopes)
 
 
 
"Did Pelosi Say Trump Can't Hold Power Because He's One of the 'Common People'?" Seriously, if you need a fact-checker to answer this one for you, it's probably best you avoid going outside unless you wear a facemask...and a crash helmet
source: snopes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"And so the sad irony here is that the protest was that they don't like being in this stay-at-home order, and they may have just created a need to lengthen it, which is something we're trying to avoid at all costs"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
Need Froot Loops, banana peppers and low pulp orange juice? What's your last name?
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Danny Trejo send hundreds of meals to LA hospital workers. No word if you need a machete to eat them
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
"I need an article about ruining something. Johnson, what kind of copy can you get me?" "Um...I can suck the fun out of Animal crossing and make it a political hit piece..." "BRILLIANT"
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(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Badges? You don't need no particular stinkin' car badges to get a free oil change and car wash from Mazda if you're a health care worker
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 15, 2020
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Kansas dentists using 3D printers to create swabs needed for COVID-19 tests is no longer a plot line from a failed SyFy series
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
"The rich have fled New York City. I'm sick of being told that I need to stay, because I want to escape too." Sorry toots, you should have become rich before the outbreak, what were you thinking?
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
🎵 Barr goes to a land down under, where the Aussies need help asunder, can't you see, the blackmail Barr is his blunder, they've been watching Trump since the Taj went under, still he flew to a land down under 🎵
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Iran is boasting of its Bi-polar Electromagnetic Corona Virus Detector that can scan for viruses in 5 seconds with no blood test. Subby's Bi-polar college roommate probably could as well, but subby had to commit him for singing to demons all night
source: tasnimnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. So let it be written, so let it be done
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(Wikipedia)
 
 
 
Inspirational speeches can keep hope alive in times of darkness. If you could pick one Icon from history (living or dead) to deliver a message to humankind in our current time of need who would it be? LGT Subby's pick
source: en.m.wikipedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Food and Wine)
 
 
 
This isn't just the article you deserve, this is the article you need
source: foodandwine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
France summons Chinese ambassador for spreading COVID-19 disinformation. Fark needs an "It's about time" tag
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
People will drive to Lansing, MI to protest the executive order. Subby agrees with the need to shelter in place, but is going just to get out of the house and meet people
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(The Sun)
 
 
 
In these dark times we all struggle to get the groceries we need but we can die happy knowing that Prince John James, Prince Tyson Fury II and Prince Adonis Amazia didn't have to go without this easter weekend (possible nsfw content on page)
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(The Dodo)
 
 
 
12-week-old police puppy naps through his entire swearing-in ceremony, hopefully wakes up to join in with the big dogs on woofday 🐾
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Tue April 14, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
So, New York really should lock down their ventilators, because I have a strange feeling the feds are suddenly going to need them
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Loose goat visits Massachusetts liquor store. Hey there's no real need to reveal the goat's morals is there?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Vote-by-mail is what this country needs to save the November election says noted liberal rag The New York Post
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(grape Japan)
 
 
 
One underrated risk of telecommuting: suffocation by five needy cats
source: grapee.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
We need to understand how Wuhan got the virus right off the bat
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Doctors in the rural south don't need testing to know that corona's virus is a-coming. They can hear it on the breath of the wind, in the strange silence of the morning whipporwhill, in the awkward splash of the young rascal's foot in the mud puddle
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Criminal Trump conspiracy ally Paul Manafort thinks he needs released from prison early due to Coronavirus
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
You'll be pleased to know that the 93 year old woman with the "I need beer" sign now has 10 cases of Coors Light. Also, beer has vitamins
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(Slate)
 
 
 
"I'm working from home. My child is also at home with me. I can't do both; I'm drowning. What are people like me supposed to do?"
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(Guardian)
 
 
 
Meanwhile at the Guardian: Right, for this week's column we need a stock photo of a woman who's thinking about banging her brother-in-law during 'rona lockdown
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(The Philadelphia Inquirer)
 
 
 
April 6, South Dakota's governor: No need for stay-at-home orders, that's just "herd mentality." April 13, South hot spot's governor: "Moooooo moo moooooo"
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(WRIC Richmond)
 
 
 
Who knew giant anvils counted as PPE?
source: wric.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
COVID-19-stricken Chris Cuomo evaluates life. He's had it with Trump, Democrats, CNN, fat bikers and all the rest of you assholes
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(Twitter)
 
 
 
CNN's chyron writer writes the things that need to be said out loud
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Mon April 13, 2020
(Central Maine)
 
 
 
This is the plot to most summer camp movies. All we need now is Camp Tigerclaw, boobies, and Old Man Johnson
source: centralmaine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
On the plus side, alternate side of the street parking in NYC is suspended for another two weeks
source: 1010wins.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Need to up your working from home game? Here are eight examples of quarantine workspaces from famous designers
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Want a free Whopper? There will be math
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Hey, health care workers, you might not have all the necessary equipment you need, but if you look out your window, you'll see some really expensive planes flying by
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(Some StayAtHome Guy)
 
 
 
Just when you thought it couldn't get worse. Trump Supporters Are Breaking Quarantine To "Trigger The Libs"
source: trofire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Maggie Haberman again finds herself defending the New York Times against Sean Hannity's idiocy
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 12, 2020
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
This is the mom we all need
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(Sky.com)
 
 
 
93-year-old pensioner from Pennsylvania puts out a Facebook appeal saying she needs more beer
source: news.sky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Perhaps what we really need, then, is a task force to oversee the other task forces
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 11, 2020
(Engadget)
 
 
 
Dr. Dre writes the perfect sonic prescription for your stay-at-home 4/20 needs: The Chronic is being released on all streaming providers
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(Fox News)
 
 
 
Double Tree hotel shares chocolate chip cookie recipe for first time ever. Needs more raisins
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"My parents are devout Christians. They're devastated I am a devout atheist. How can I reconcile this?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 10, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Motion exposure (Fark needs Exotic tag?)
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(Twitter)
 
 
 
The Steak-umm Twitter account is the hero we need right now
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Thu April 09, 2020
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
For over a month after the first US COVID-19 case, the Trump administration pushed US companies to export masks, ventilators, and other needed medical supplies to China. Source: Commerce Department bulletin to manufacturers
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(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
That night you were singing in the club and that actress picked you up .... never happened. We'll discuss it later, they need you on the set. Quentin wants you in the next scene
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(The Sun)
 
 
 
Vile hoarder brags about the food they've had to keep chucking out (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Former President Obama no longer relying on Trump to save us in these coronavirus times, says America needs a "robust system of testing and monitoring" before the country can ease lockdowns
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(Slate)
 
 
 
"I know we're in the middle of a pandemic and a shelter-in-place order, but I feel like my child needs more help with reading skills. Is it a bad time to ask the teacher for extra help with reading?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Do you know COBOL? If so, you are desperately needed to help process unemployment claims. You should also schedule a colonoscopy soon
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
Sewage in treatment plant has virus from 115,000 people compared to official count of 446 in service area. If we're ever going to beat this thing we need to stop going to the bathroom right now
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(Axios)
 
 
 
Due to the coronavirus, public transit around the country is now in a death spiral. Just when it's needed most
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 08, 2020
(Medium)
 
 
 
Think the government only needs retired doctors and nurses to help out during the crisis? They are also desperate for COBOL programmers to keep state systems up and running during the surge in workloads
source: onezero.medium.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Disney+ announces its support in the fight against coronavirus by bringing back the doctor we need
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
There is so much wrong in Oklahoma State's Mike Gundy's Covid-19 rant that it's best to get to the quiet part out loud takeaway "we need to run money through the state of Oklahoma"
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(Creative Loafing Tampa)
 
 
 
That $1,200 stimulus check is exactly how much you need to build a guillotine
source: cltampa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Steelers GM wants a 10-round draft this year because people need more entertainment
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter Donald Trump)
 
 
 
Citation needed
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Closed borders don't stop COVID-19 from spreading. But they do stop medical supplies from getting to the people who need them. So that's, like, half a success, right?
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
What happened in Wisconsin today is "grave early warning for November". WTF are we going to do? Fark needs an "OUTRAGED" tag
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Slate editor: We need another "stop liking what I don't like" contrarian article. Slate columnist: Okay. *spins wheel* Editor: Animal Crossing it is
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Tue April 07, 2020
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Quarantine will change restaurant industry forever. All restaurants to become Taco Bell
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
Trying to survive COVID-19 in style, sushi bro? Williams Sonoma unveils $32 kit that provides everything you need to make DIY sushi minus the fish
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Sean Spicer to release new book in October. No word on how many crayons you'll need
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
What day is it?
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Ohio Governor Mike DeWine is the hero we both need and deserve
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
The reason U.S. airlines need a $50 billion bailout? They spent $45 billion in profits buying back their own stock. You know, to make sure their CEOs could afford that third yacht
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Looks like we're gonna need a new Acting Acting Navy Secretary
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Howard Dean says what needs to be said, again
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Need to get rid of that stale bread and old cheese while in quarantine? Eighteenth Century to the rescue
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
Posting post-it notes of silly observations to elicit a grin. Postponed Malone
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(Deadline)
 
 
 
NBC Universal dropping major commercials in favor of feel-good limited ads
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Let's take a closer look at one single Dairy Queen in California to understand why that $2 trillion "aid package" that Trump signed isn't going to do a damn thing to aid anyone. Except big corporations, of course. They'll get what they need
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Everyone from YouTube stars to amateurs are creating parody songs about coronavirus and social distancing. Where is Dr. Demento when you need him?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"My best friend and I have been quarantined together the past few weeks; we were both anxious one night and took some Xanax. We had sex, and while we agree it didn't change anything, she has a boyfriend. Do we keep the secret? Are we bad people?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Oklahoma sheriff: If you're not going to stay away from crowds, "Get yours and your kids' burial policy paid up"
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