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| Fri August 07, 2020 |
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Let's talk Texas. I don't know much about most of these, but I know that they've changed dramatically since November 2019, and Stephen Danield (sixth) is polling better despite not raising money for shiat. Tag is for whether Texas will go blue
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A man can dream, can't he? A man can dream
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Yah hey dere Dad, just send lawyers, I've already got the guns and money. Well I did have anyway, lawyers please
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Choosing toe shoes over clerical collars, this Nigerian boy has become quite the prince of ballet
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Lockdowns around the world led to sharp drops in emissions but will have "negligible" impact on the climate crisis, with global warming cut by just 0.01C by 2030. Damn... Subby had his money on 0.02C
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Private equity firms are aware there is a housing crisis, but there is money to be made
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| Thu August 06, 2020 |
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Betcha didn't know CARES act money goes to repave airports in Texas
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Geraldo Rivera has been told by his Asian friends that the phrase China Virus is racist, gives Trump a chance to whitemansplain why it is not
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Having learned Fed-speak, China's central bank says it will make policy more flexible and targeted, tough and compassionate, day but night
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Listen, the only thing I know how to do is give money to rich people. Helping out average people is not my thing
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The DOJ just issued indictments against a Chinese-owned casino operating in the Pacific US Territory of CNMI. Somehow, Trump, Erik Prince, Xi, and foreign money in US elections all find a nexus in this investigation
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Don't mess with 84 year old men before they've had their morning coffee
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New York woman collects robocall fees from her bank
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| Wed August 05, 2020 |
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DeCities and DeCounties are DeFighting each other for DeFederal DeMoney
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The US Dollar is rapidly losing its treasured World Reserve Currency status, thanks to America's "Read the Manuals, Read the Reports" pandemic response's devastating impact on our economy
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Kinda like the alternate headline too: Controversial 'Hookers for Jesus' group to get more federal money after Bill Barr and Ivanka Trump announce new sex trafficking effort
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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -Steven Wright. Yeah, but the real trick is getting them all in the right order. This is your Fark Writer's Thread, numbers edition
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The Colorado State football program may be covering-up COVID-19 cases
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Trump Pentagon nominee slams Navy shipbuilding plan. Navy: STFU and give us more money
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Park Avenue plastic surgeon fights 'dozens of imposters' catfishing patients online. If only there was a way he could make himself stand out
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Park Avenue plastic surgeon fights 'dozens of imposters' catfishing patients online. If only there was a way he could make himself stand out
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Protip: If you are going to lie on your application to get PPP funds, try not to do it in the name of a dead person. Oh and don't spend the money you get on a Lamborghini and strippers
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Biden's brain trust clearly see the VP pick as Harris, Obama's people say not so fast, Susan Rice would guarantee the enthusiastic presence of both Barack and Michelle Obama on the campaign trail
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Gold is, well, gold
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Disney lost $3.5 billion due to park closures during the pandemic
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Having a lot of money turns people into dicks, and here's the science to prove it
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Having a lot of money turns people into dicks, and here's the science to prove it
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Biden only has a fraction of the campaign money Trump has for a fall ad buy, that fraction being 2/1
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Abandoned as an infant herself, this teen understands what it feels like to be left behind, and works to help senior dogs find the loving homes they deserve, just like she did. Please welcome her to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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| Tue August 04, 2020 |
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Just your typical three-way state Senate race - a longtime political insider, a nurse, and some guy who threatened to blow up an IRS office in 2012
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If a tree falls on your house, does your insurance company deny the claim since they didn't hear it fall?
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Shut up and take my money. How much do I still owe? Okay, half my liver, both kidneys, a lung, and my left bollock - and put the rest on these five credit cards so I can get reward points
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Gen Z turned on Lin-Maunuel Miranda, and he's not going to throw away his money shot
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Dozens of Brits upset that the BDA has site hacked. Dr Lemming beside himself
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Unsolved Mysteries wants to know why there are screaming trees
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So, what IS Trump's biggest financial mystery? Apparently it's where he got the money to buy his Scottish resorts
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"The dress is a classic example of the envelope-pushing nude bridal gown currently flooding the market" (w/ pics)
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Trump says Microsoft should pay 'key money' to the US Treasury for facilitating TikTok deal. For you non-New Yorkers, 'key money' is a term of art used by corrupt landlords for illegal kickback payments extorted from tenants
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While the rest of us are on our couches weighed down by cheetle, this woman is running six marathons in six days
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| Thu July 30, 2020 |
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A Tennessee state senator has been charged with stealing more than $600,000 in federal funds received by a health care company she directed and using the money to pay for her wedding and other personal expenses. Difficulty: She's a Democrat
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Thursday is a world of suck. So, here's the MSNBC Discussion thread, starting at 7 PM Eastern
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Yakuza director: Ghost of Tsushima is great, how come an American studio made it?
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Government agrees to $3.5 billion in reparations to oppressed minorities
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Government agrees to $3.5 billion in reparations to oppressed minorities
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Yes, old man Michael Jordan still can and will bust your ass on the basketball court
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In an amazing streak of good fortune the CEO of Kodak buys thousands of shares of the company. Just before Kodak gets almost 1 Billion in bail out money. Oh well you have to be in the right place at the right time
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Proctor and Gamble earnings score from COVID-induced demand for toilet paper, cleaning supplies, interest in the occult
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Dutch superyacht company Heesen launches shiny new aluminum 265-footer for someone who still has money. The rest of us can suck it while we wait to hear whether we're getting any benefits next month
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In addition to billions for military projects and millions for a new FBI headquarters, The Trump Administration now wants $377 million for West Wing remodeling to be included in the Coronavirus relief bill, because reasons
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Good news: if your $600 smart glasses have prescription lenses, those prescription lenses will still work when you wake up this Saturday. All the other smart features? Not so much
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| Tue July 28, 2020 |
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Whelp that didn't take long and was probably Inevitable: Fake Covid-19 "contact tracers" are now stealing personal data
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If you die with $60,000 you have oversaved, unless of course you live another year or two
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Plans for "UK's answer to Disneyland" theme park outside London finally unveiled, the £3.5billion project is set to open in 2024 and will give Disney Paris a run for its money (possible nsfw content on page)
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Tuesday once more. Time for the MSNBC Discussion thread, where prime time starts at 7 PM Eastern
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Banks are making money hand over fist so they need pandemic relief
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Trump toadies already setting up scapegoats for a November loss so the guy who cannot be blamed doesn't get his fees fees hurt
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"Getting to Yes" is the classic text on neotiating strategies taught in most business and law sin the country these days. Mitch McConnell seems to be gathering his notes for writing a sequel "Gettng to No Farking Way, Have You Lost Your Mind?"
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If you have drugs and money in your car try not to fall asleep in traffic
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The soul of Deadspin is resurrected, again walks the web
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College administrator accidentally tells the truth: "If we go online only, then we'll have to give the money back"
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The Senate HEELS Act will include another $1,200 check delivered to you by either Rowdy Roddy Piper or the Iron Sheik
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At least Trump doesn't have to worry about his base abandoning him and that's why he's dumping money in safe red states
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New website will refund the cost of the worst first date
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With Brady gone, the Patriots are less eager to play the season
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Florida Man ups his game, scores nearly $4 million in fake PPP loans. He might have gotten away with it too, if authorities hadn't gotten suspicious of his near-simultaneous purchase of a $318,000 2020 Lamborghini Huracan registered to his company
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| (Some Booger Guy) |
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Here's an inaccurate list of the weirdest town names in each of the 50 states. In KY, it would actually be a tie between Big Bone Lick and Beaver Lick, but Booger Hollow, Arkansas sounds on the money
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Elon Musk looking sell all his homes so he can return to couch surfing. Yes really
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If you pay the extra for the VIP package, you can also have a microwave, TV, refrigerator & potted plant.....in your cell
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| Wed July 22, 2020 |
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Sit the fark down. MTG Alpha Black Lotus, the 'Pokemon Illustrator' card set a new auction record for rare collectible card game cards
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Red wine and Cheezits side by side in one box? Shut up and take my money
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After standing by while the Trump administration spent money like a drunken sailor, suddenly Fox News is very concerned that Biden wouldn't be fiscally responsible
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No one thinks the guy holding a two-year old will rob the bank, but, here we are
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Hanging around with 2,000 catalytic-ic-ic-ic-ic-ics? You oughta know by now
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"Stock market headed for a new high"
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Trump is currently worth nearly $22 million
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Apparently there's a rift between the White House and Senate Republicans, who can't agree on a unified coronavirus budget plan, that's "lacking agreement on policy goals, budget parameters, or even deadlines." Pretty much EVERYTHING
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I'm sorry sir, but it seems you may have fraudulently paid off the balance of your Capital One card, and not just the vig
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| Tue July 21, 2020 |
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Hai guiz i know there's a lot on your plate right now but just wanted to send a quick little note to let you know that medicare is sorta running out of money. kthxbi
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Mental Health Experts at NRO: "Why Kanye Can Be Healthy for American Politics." Bipolar episode + too much money is never a good thing
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NepaGrift 2.0
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Founders of The Lincoln Project, who have made videos tying Trump to Russian money, may be recipients of Russian money, which means that Russia wants to get rid of Trump AND wants to keep him in power and my head hurts so much right now
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Trump 2020 campaign has blown through almost $1 BILLION, and all it has to show for it are a $2.4M house in Fort Lauderdale, a pair of Florida condos, a yacht, and a Ferrari
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"America doesn't have a debt problem" says economist who clearly doesn't have a problem with a splash of OJ in her breakfast vodkas
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Men's Warehouse owner Tailored Brands is closing stores and cutting jobs, as is the style these days
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Only 25%?
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Off-road 911? Shut Up And Take My Money
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Trump Admin 'spiritual advisor' Paula White: Same-Sex relationships are a sin. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to openly pray in front of the cameras, followed by a haircut and lunch at Red Lobster
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Opinion: COVID vaccine = bad stonk day
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| Fri July 17, 2020 |
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Fast food, funny money, freaky weather, and the FBI are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, July 5-11: Jeez, It's Freakin' Hot Outside Edition
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California man disturbed to find out that federal felony charges for defrauding the Paycheck Protection Program of $9 million don't stay in Vegas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman raises over $100,000 with "flying penises, excited penises, boobs and vaginas"
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Economists: make money printer go brrr or stonks will go sad
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"Mystery of Ghislaine Maxwell's Wealth Hangs Over Sex-Abuse Case." Nonsense - everyone knows that money didn't hang itself
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A first-hand account of navigating the confusing student loan forgiveness program, a quagmire of red tape designed to keep forcing you into indentured servitude
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Almost as likely to make you spend money as a sale on Steam or GOG it's the Friday Fark Gaming Thread. Warhammer 40,000 Rites of War free at GOG. What have you been playing this week? Side note: any bargain bin (when those existed) stories/deals?
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It's like "Sidehackers" but with Tuk Tuks and without the wisecracking robots
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One individual practically purchased Judge Beer Bong's confirmation for nearly $16 million
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| Tue July 14, 2020 |
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♫ Don't spread covid all over the place - put on a happy face ♫ Mask your pie-holes, folks
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Teachers in Florida are preparing their lesson plans, reading lists, living wills in preparation for the upcoming school year
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Election officials warn they don't have enough money to pull off the November election
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Oh look, gossip columnist Cindy Adams is castigating Mary Trump and her book in oddly familiar language. Do the Russians have tapes of her too?
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"If there's only one game we're going to play." The first year of college football without a single forward pass since the halcyon season of 1267 is now on the table. GABN
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Wearing masks doesn't just save lives, it saves money. But isn't it just more fun to whine about masks like a baby?
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But... but... but my ass
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Looks like Citibank will be getting a bailout
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Pennies, nickels, quarters, dimes, not from Kroger, not this time
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Pennies, nickels, quarters, dimes, not from Kroger, not this time
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No more mister nice guy for Alice Cooper, who calls for racist police in America to be "weeded out"
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Well, the cops have learned they aren't above the law this summer, right? Right?
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US units of companies owned by "Jina" got PPP money. Meanwhile the best Chinese restaurant in our neighborhood just had to close because of the pandemic
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Weinstein victims to Judge: Yeah that $19 million settlement fund SOUNDS like a lot of money, but he had so many victims that it's going to only net us about $7,500-20,000 per
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| Sat July 11, 2020 |
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What, exactly, are they so proud of? The fact that even their photos smell like a combination of hot dog water, laundry Mom hasn't washed yet, and too much free time?
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This may seem counterintuitive, but you will not find money in cash registers when they are closed for the night
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79 year old bus driver, laid off due to Rona, finally started getting benefits after weeks of delays then, "Yeah, about that money. We need it back"
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| Tue July 07, 2020 |
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Ken Ham is now a millionaire, thanks to the taxpayers
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Ken Ham is now a millionaire, thanks to the taxpayers
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Not sure what might have just happened, but Dak Prescott now believes the Cowboys should pay their young quarterback more money
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First we ran out of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, now we're running out of coins. "Coins" has to be some sort of euphemism, right?
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Anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist's anti-tax foundation took between $150,000 and $350,000 in very pro-tax generated PPP funds
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McDonald's Japan customers evaluate flagship sandwiches on taste, price, volume, ease of eating, and overall satisfaction. Least satisfying is the small and costly Filet-O-Fish, most satisfying is the humble 140-yen Cheeseburger
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Narrator: It was absolutely because they were losing money
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Seattle passes payroll tax on Amazon and other big businesses, begins wondering why so many businesses are moving to Redmond and Bellevue in the next few years
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While most Americans got a $1,200 stimulus, religious institutions received $10 billion
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| Thu July 02, 2020 |
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Jay-Z's Made in America Festival canceled by something made in China
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Don't bet against the Detroit Tigers, unless there's money to be made, in which case do bet against the Detroit Tigers
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Thank you for your interest in turning on your seat heaters. Would you like to purchase a one day use pass for $8, season pass for $99, or a lifetime pass for $499? Lifetime pass includes one free day pass for the passenger seat
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Thank you for your interest in turning on your seat heaters. Would you like to purchase a one day use pass for $8, season pass for $99, or a lifetime pass for $499? Lifetime pass includes one free day pass for the passenger seat
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Amazon Prime Day pushed back until October so Bezos can get caught up on counting his money
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South Dakota's governor is paying for the Rushmore fireworks with $350,000 from a fund of taxpayer money designated for SD economic development. She also hope the feds will chip in for the costs of the rest of the Trump visit. Good luck with that
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'3 to 6 months of savings' might be the traditional thinking when it comes to household emergency funds, but who has '3 to 6 months of savings' left?
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'3 to 6 months of savings' might be the traditional thinking when it comes to household emergency funds, but who has '3 to 6 months of savings' left?
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Joe Biden's strategy of keeping his mouth shut is paying off big time as his teams fundraising efforts now top Trump's
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Novartis pays $729 million to settle U.S. kickback charges, including funneling money through three charitable foundations to cover co-payments of Medicare patients. These are also some of the guys who are working on a vaccine
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Novartis pays $729 million to settle U.S. kickback charges, including funneling money through three charitable foundations to cover co-payments of Medicare patients. These are also some of the guys who are working on a vaccine
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For $580,600 you and your loved one can have COVID with Donald Trump
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Zuck will not be bullied by corporations, plans to keep Facebook as a haven for hate speech. Figures the ad money will return if he can help shape another election by spreading misinformation to older voters
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Bernie Ecclestone, aged 89, just became a father again. In other news, money is a hell of a drug
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Over 1,500 musicians and Radiohead have signed a petition to demand the UK stop damaging live music and toss some money to the industry
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"Egg salad and a basketball star provide one California cafe's coronavirus lifeline." See? It can be done
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It took a journalist four months and a pandemic to realize he was wasting over $1,000 a month on booze by going out to bars
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It took a journalist four months and a pandemic to realize he was wasting over $1,000 a month on booze by going out to bars
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TP? pffft. PPE? Old hat. Food staples? We've had our fill. The latest in viral hoarding hotness? cash
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Zuckerberg: I ain't doing shiat
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| Wed July 01, 2020 |
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You might want to sit down for this, but a new study has shown people who have money are generally happier than people who don't have money. Follow up study will determine whether people who have sex are generally more pregnant than people who don't
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| (Some Guy) |
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Save money filming your next dystopia in one of these Eastern Bloc scientific superstructures
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No mask, no common sense, no service
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To flatten the curve, Americans sacrificed an incredible amount. Their leaders, however, squandered everything for money and let everyone down
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It's July 1st, and you know what that means: It's Bobby Bonilla Day
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It's July 1st, and you know what that means: It's Bobby Bonilla Day
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The latest edition of 'Take Down That Confederate Participation Trophy in the Middle of the Night' brought to you by the mayor of Conyers, Georgia
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Only in Milwaukee will you find a group of nuns hosting a drive through beer garden raising money for charity. Stop by for some Ale Mary Hefe Wiesen
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...pation
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| Tue June 30, 2020 |
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Not news: County commissioners designate Juneteenth as a holiday. News: And stops recognizing Columbus Day as a holiday. Fark: Franklin County Ohio, where Columbus Ohio is located
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Happy April 15th in July, aka the IR$ want$ their money
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Hmmm, so we've been tracking Russian bounty money transfers? Hey, did you happen to see any of that bounty money go to an account at Deutsche Bank that belongs to a certain tiny-brained charlatan?
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A closer look at how America's prison labor system functions. Come for the ridiculous story of how much inmates are paid, stay for, "Sorry, we don't hire felons," to the inmate with 10 years experience working for that company while on the inside
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A billion here, a billion there, starts a becoming real lost money
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Family out $4,600 for postponed Celine Dion concert. Their debt will go on
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Buddy can you spare anything but a dime: The (near) cashless society has arrived thanks to the coronavirus
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