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headlines found matching 'Line'
Fri December 04, 2020
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Father Gabriel Richard Senior voted top high school volleyball player. A) How does a priest have a son? B) How is a priest still in high school? C) Why can't newspaper editors write clearer headlines?
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikipedia)
 
 
 
"Bingo jet had a light on." (Jet Airliner), "There's a bathroom on the right." (Bad Moon Rising), "I was caught in the middle of a rhino attack." (Thunderstruck). Lets lighten the mood today; what are your favorite misheard song lyrics?
source: en.wikipedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
How many Scotch eggs make a meal? How many ya got?
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Over 100 items from Phoenix's dead Metrocenter Mall put up for online auction. Come for the plywood, padded chairs, and Cinnabon signs, stay for the play area, full-sized info kiosks, and U.S. Navy recruiting office stuff
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inverse)
 
 
 
The Mandalorian has to take Grogu to a Jedi temple. Will he? Or will he be ambushed by Moff Gideon, waylaid by Boba Fett, or have yet another sidetrack mission? Find out when a rather short Chapter 14 drops at 3:01 AM ET on Darth Mouse Plus
source: inverse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 03, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
*Ding* You're now free to move to the unemployment line
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Man who should never work in television again says Dr. Fauci should never work in public policy again
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Thirsty Thursday. This is your spiffy headline-free MSNBC thread. Begins 7PM Eastern
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
Disney princess falls on hard times, has two encounters with police in 3 days. Fark: in Beavercreek, Ohio, of all places
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
While obviously not as cool as a Spaceballs Flamethrower, the new line of Mandalorian-based outerwear from Columbia makes staying inside during a shutdown even more fun. Merchandising
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ZDNet)
 
 
 
Data of 243 million Brazilians exposed online. That's a lot
source: zdnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
See where in line you'll be when the vaccine is released. Subby got 2nd-to-last in line
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(one mile at a time)
 
 
 
American Airlines CEO takes a flight on the 737 MAX, presumably with MCAS set to "don't frag the boss" mode
source: onemileatatime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Banks, after being hammered to set aside more reserves for loan losses, could see windfall of reversals as those losses don't materialize. Get ready for the "Big evil corporation" headlines next year as money is just being moved around on paper
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
It takes a special person to be so drunk that they crash while in the drive thru of a White Castle. Special like a Mayor, for example
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
If the main line of Republican misinformation right now is voter fraud, then the main line of Democratic misinformation is that progressive policies are unpopular
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Takeout)
 
 
 
Rarely in the esteemed history of fark and the internet in general has a headline question been more of a "NO"
source: thetakeout.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Warp Speed official on the Covid vaccine: 'We are not going to turn anybody away - we're just going to accept some people - many people - sooner than you"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
According to Interpol, the mafia is planning on hijacking new covid-19 vaccine shipments
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed December 02, 2020
(NBC News)
 
 
 
♪ When you slug a Disney star, makes no difference who you are. Anything security desires, will come to you
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
No one has bought Nick Cave's erotic wallpaper
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
Drake to release line of scented candles. Mmmmm...smells like mediocrity
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
ESPN headline asks a brilliant question with an unknowable answer: Why is Adam Gase still coaching the Jets?
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
NPR has assembled its list of the 50 best albums of 2020. See how many you've never heard of to the left, comment on the writer's questionable intellect and lineage to the right
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
No kill lab grown meat goes on sale for the first time. Grown in bioreactors. (No animal was harmed in the making of this headline.)
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Airlines will get away with anything as Canada decides to leave 11,000 complaints until next year
source: lethbridgeherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue December 01, 2020
(Medical Xpress)
 
 
 
ISRIB, a drug which has already shown promise treating a variety of cognitive impairments, reverses age-related declines within days. Though translating the results of tests from mouse to man gang aft agley
source: medicalxpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
Establishment oldtimer Chuck Schumer blames someone else besides himself, says the Dems lost the Senate because Cal Cunningham "couldn't keep his zipper up"
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fast Company)
 
 
 
MIT researchers build an infection simulation to help show the risks with clear guidelines on indoor safety in the midst of the pandemic. Will most Americans abide by it? No because America
source: fastcompany.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Today's sadly misleading headline: Kaley Cuoco Enjoys Massive Wood In Birthday Bathrobe & Slippers
source: theblast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Gerrymander the states: imagine just how much horrifying this result could have been if that one arbitrary line was moved over there a little bit
source: kevinhayeswilson.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Subby would love to watch last week's Denver NFL game, the one where they didn't have a quarterback. Is it available to stream online somewhere?
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon November 30, 2020
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
The war between China and Australia heats up on Twitter, as military analysts predict a winter counteroffensive on TikTok to breach the Facebook Maginot line with the loser being forced to retreat to MySpace
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The Broncos lined up against the Saints yesterday with no active NFL quarterbacks. Let's take this moment to remember the last time an NFL team completed zero passes in the first half, featuring Tim Tebow's 2011 Broncos
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ottawa Sun)
 
 
 
Don't use the stores' sanitizer bottles, ffs
source: ottawasun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
"Puppy pipeline runs from Georgia northward to adoptive homes." Yeah, it sounds sweet, but just think what'll happen when there's a leak and you get hundreds of puppies polluting suburbia
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
The TSA says it screened 1.18 million airline passengers on Sunday, some successfully
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHON2 Honolulu)
 
 
 
'Kailua man witnesses brazen burglar steal prized ukulele on Thanksgiving afternoon' is the most Hawaii headline you'll read today
source: khon2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
BBC defends its decision to play censored version of Fairytale of New York, those [redacted] those [redacted] those [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] happy Christmas you [redacted]
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Lady proud to be a public urinator. Fark is not your personal erotica site
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Who's already baking Christmas cookies? What's your favorite?
source: cooking.nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun November 29, 2020
(ESPN)
 
 
 
The Cleveland Browns will be at least .500 for the first time in 13 years and for only the third time in the last 25 years. It has been weird not using the fail tag to submit Browns headlines
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
The Farketplace is reopening for Black Friday and through the weekend! Post links to your online storefronts for handmade crafts, goods and whathaveyous, and support your fellow Farkers by shopping for cool stuff at Farkers' stores
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Depression is real, and reaching out to family/friends isn't always in the cards. Also, in the US, the suicide prevention hotline is: 1-800-273-8255. (If this helps even one Farker, good.)
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat November 28, 2020
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
UK will 'prosper mightily' without Brexit trade deal (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"My boyfriend instructed my 3 year-old son to call him daddy. Isn't that way out of line?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri November 27, 2020
(NPR)
 
 
 
CDC study estimates that almost 53 million Americans had Covid by September, and almost 100 million now. Look to your left. Now look to your right. One of you has had it
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Jolly Old Saint Nick the super spreader
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
With dramatically less 'door buster' specials, lines, and crowds, Black Friday 2020 is much more muffled
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu November 26, 2020
(Medical Xpress)
 
 
 
Submitter thinks this is a cool discovery; is also puzzled why the first words of the headline made him think it was about puberty
source: medicalxpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
A nineteen year veteran of the Butterball Turkey Hotline discusses how calls are different in 2020
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed November 25, 2020
(Tech Xplore)
 
 
 
Good news for Vogons
source: techxplore.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Kelby Krabbenhoft is taking his talents to Bikini Bot... nope, nope, sorry; taking his talents to the unemployment line
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Beast Mode hands out two hundred turkeys in Hawaii, no doubt throwing them from the one yard line
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Entertainment Weekly)
 
 
 
Emilia Clarke once had to invent an entire Daenerys speech in the fictional Valyrian language in 10 minutes. It doesn't really make sense but nobody ever noticed
source: ew.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Actual headline: Woman uses 'Fresh Meth Tonight' cyberstalking campaign to target romantic rival, deputies say
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
4 myths about online safety that all internet users should know. Subby didn't read TFA but assumes they are: 1) All underage women are cops; 2) All hot women are men; 3) The men still want to sleep with you; 4) Fark is not your personal erotica site
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Does anyone remember the Supertramp song "Hide in Your Shell?" Because I want to reference that in this headline about Mitch McConnell and don't know how many folks would get that
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Good news: For the first time ever, the highly coveted Pliny the Younger IPA will be available online. Bad news: There's a catch
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Narf)
 
 
 
Are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so Brain, but if we put an actual phone sex line's number in the cartoon won't someone find out eventually?
source: hitc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue November 24, 2020
(MEL Magazine)
 
 
 
Turkeyday headline of the day to get you all hot and bothered: "NO CREATURE ON EARTH HAS HOTTER, MORE DERANGED SEX THAN THE WILD TURKEY"
source: melmagazine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Smithsonian Magazine)
 
 
 
TV Dinners, they really can't be beat. I had no idea that Thanksgiving was so much to blame. But hey this year it fits the guidelines sooo maybe
source: smithsonianmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
How to tell if your airline seat, hotel room or rental car is clean. Cliff notes version: They're not
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(GameInformer)
 
 
 
Red Dead Offline
source: gameinformer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nature)
 
 
 
So you say you want to become some sort of online vaccineologist sciencetition, but not the stupid kind who goes on and on about vaccines giving you autism? This is for you
source: nature.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Musk says the H-word during European online conference. Not that one, the other one
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Gen X had The Jerky Boys. Millenials had online catfishing. Today, it's people pretending to be Greta Thunberg and calling world leaders
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
"It's the most fun thing there is for cooking. You drive up, park it, fill the neighborhood with the most amazing smells and people line up"
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Disney Cruise Lines gets a clue and suspends all floating petri dish cruises through January 31
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon November 23, 2020
(MSN)
 
 
 
Italian premium coffee maker Illy bets that locked-down Americans will order good coffee online, sells 20 percent stake in order to challenge Starbucks in USA
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Qantas Airlines: "No shot, no service"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Amazon spied on employees using Pinkerton agents, presumably to prevent theft of Victrolas, lineaments, magic lanterns, telegraph equipment, locomotive parts, gas lamps, tincture of morphine, corsets, beaver hats, pince-nez, derringers, etc
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
WaPo, just asking questions: What line did Sidney Powell cross that Rudy Giuliani didn't?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Sure the economy is in ruins because of the pandemic crisis, but at least there's dystopian job opportunities like waiting on line for somebody else's COVID test
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Task and Purpose)
 
 
 
Disney security has a wide range of official and unofficial challenge coins, though it's unclear which one "Thin-Blue Line, Punisher Mickey" falls into
source: taskandpurpose.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Amazon)
 
 
 
Former congressman Trey Gowdy wrote a book. He also likes butt plugs (reminder: don't post sex toys inline)
source: amazon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun November 22, 2020
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Ice storm in Vladivostok causes severe damage to trees, powerlines, and anything parked outside
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Live Science)
 
 
 
Headline asks a question? Don't need a Magic 8 Ball to know the answer is "no"
source: livescience.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
So we've come to the point in the timeline where the lawyer for the President of the United States of America is tweeting about "Micropenis"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Bird 1, Airliner 0
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat November 21, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
Fox News mocks Thanksgiving safety guidelines - you know what, subby's done trying to help these people
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Meet Judah 1: The world's first Christian airline
source: onemileatatime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri November 20, 2020
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Japan just retired its last frontline squadron of F-4 Phantoms. In other news, there are still countries flying F-4s as frontline fighters. (Tag is for the F-4s)
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Merriam-Webster)
 
 
 
The Merriam-Webster word of the day for November 20 is "Emigrate" as in: "I just got a greenlit headline, emigrate or what?
source: merriam-webster.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Bribery Weekend: "Two sources told CNN there are also discussions currently underway with the President about inviting Republican state legislators from PA to the White House....The deadline for counties in PA to certify their totals is Monday"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Today's headline: "US election results 2020: Joe Biden defeats Donald Trump to win presidency" Either they were REALLY late to the party calling this one, or they felt the need to repeat themselves, for some reason
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu November 19, 2020
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
BBC manages to write a MadLib headline in the form "Blue (Noun) (Verb) (Adjective) Georgia" without it involving elections or lawsuits
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Only Rockstar could make their millions GTA online players lose their ish with a 10-second blurry video. Here with a better analysis than MrBossFTW of what could be a massive map expansion is Mr Ghilliemaster
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
The term "brush off" can mean two VERY different things: A) to revive a formerly dismissed or forgotten idea b) to ignore or refuse to consider something. So, it's a really bad idea to use it in a headline about a proposal to steal the election
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Walmart and McDonald's are America's top employers of Medicaid and food stamp recipients. Obvious, Sad, Murica, Interesting and Hero tags still waiting in line at food pantry before their shift
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Food and Wine)
 
 
 
Greatest. Most Honest Headline. Ever
source: foodandwine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline "It was not our intention to install Christmas lights that remind people of a penis". Oh, those wacky Belgians
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ballotpedia)
 
 
 
For those who may be wondering what is the next state for the Trump Ratfarkery Team to strike next, here's a handy guide to all of the states and their deadlines to certify their total votes
source: ballotpedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed November 18, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Yertle the turtle says the transfer of power to the Biden Administration will happen on time, even if he doesn't personally cross the finish line himself
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spectator USA)
 
 
 
We're sure Grandma and Grandpa would rather die knowing they were sticking it to the libs than follow health guidelines in a pandemic
source: spectator.us   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
'Idaho line worker who helped restore power in Central Oklahoma needs help finding his pet raccoon in Norman'
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Matt Travis, who was second in line at CISA to Krebs, hands in his walking papers
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Here's your 'good luck with that Covid virus' headline of the day: "Alabama Sorority Gets Official Blessing for 600-Person Farm Party Just in Time for Holidays"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The countdown has started. Petrol and diesel cars will no longer be sold in the UK in nine years two months. British car industry working against the deadline to design electric motors that can leak oil
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue November 17, 2020
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
Jews to SCOTUS: Coumo is blaming Jews for Covid spike just because some synagogues refused to comply with guidelines resulting in spike of Covid cases
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Chuck Grassley, 87, #3 in line for the presidency, tests positive for Covid-19
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
Headline: A disturbing number of Republicans support Trump's coup attempt. Article fails to specify number of Republicans that is not disturbing
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
Weeners
 
The NFL Can't Acknowledge Huge Chubb Problem, er no I mean Huge Problem Of Highlighted Chubb, no wait I mean Huge Problem Highlighted By Chubb... okay fine that'll have to do for a headline I guess
source: sportscasting.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slashdot)
 
 
 
The world is watching more anime, streaming services are buying, and your waifu submitted this with a funnier headline
source: entertainment.slashdot.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
And now from the Exception that proves the rule department, headline question edition
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Mall owner Simon helps make online returns easier in store. Just don't look at their bum, you bum looker
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon November 16, 2020
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Governor announces restrictions to try to fight a highly communicable disease? Let's all go stand in line at the store
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Either out of nostalgia, desperation, or laziness, the online disinformation corps is beginning to recycle their lies: photos being circulated claiming to be from Saturday's Trump rally are really Cleveland after the Cavs won the championship
source: factcheck.afp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US Senate)
 
 
 
Senator James Lankford (R-OK) said that if Trump had not started giving Team Biden transition briefings before Friday, he'd do something about it. 3 days after the deadline, JimmyLanks has done precisely nothing. Maybe he needs a helpful reminder?
source: lankford.senate.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Indy100)
 
 
 
A complete timeline of Trump's bizarre 14-tweet rant about the 'rigged election' last night
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Jim Acosta says Trump will become just another "moron" online, once Biden is sworn in
source: sweethalf2020.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
News: Nick Chubb ran out of bounds at the one-yard line so they could just run out the clock and beat the Texans by 3. Fark: The Browns were favored by 3.5 so some bettors either loved or hated this move
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Thousands of cars line up for food bank in Texas. All is well
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun November 15, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Every so often a headline in the form of a question will have a Yes answer
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
Tower Records wants brains and relaunches as online music store
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Yogurt Ladies of South Korea deliver more than dairy is the headline for a surprisingly safe for work article
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat November 14, 2020
(Vulture)
 
 
 
This is an actual headline that is supposed to mean something: "Ariana Grande and Thundercat go through 'Them Changes' at Virtual Adult Swim Festival"
source: vulture.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
Sure wish I could use the "Sure, Jan, ok" GIF as a headline
source: radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri November 13, 2020
(Digiday)
 
 
 
BuzzFeed introduces BuzzFeed-branded vibrator. The punchline to this joke will amaze you
source: digiday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Fark ready headline: "Wegmans drops Chaokoh coconut milk after allegations of forced monkey labor"
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Trump's campaign gave up on have a phone line to report voter fraud. Now you can message them in a convenient online form
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Headline: Amazon recalls Ring doorbells due to fire hazard. Reality: The 'recall' is a new user manual that says "Don't stick a random wood screw into the battery, dumbass"
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Popular Science)
 
 
 
Interesting: Mars is drying up faster than expected, according to new data. Creepy: The headline
source: popsci.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
NFL television ratings see 6% decline at midseason point, but things really aren't that bad for them
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Airlines want you to believe flying isn't risky during the Covid-19 pandemic
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPRI Rhode Island)
 
 
 
Whenever BJ's Wholesale Club has a giveaway of free things, it's an automatic Fark joke, but subby is tired and married, so just consider this headline one of those, then roll over and go to sleep
source: wpri.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu November 12, 2020
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Under Armour struggles amid the Athleisure boom that it helped launch. The bottom line is nobody wants to see dudes in leggings like it's normal, everyday clothing
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
You might want to sit down for this, but it's starting to sort of kind of look a little bit like Trump's election challenge might be nothing more than a final scam to line his own pockets
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed November 11, 2020
(The Motley Fool)
 
 
 
Alright Stoner Farkers, which one of you has been writing headlines for Motley Fool?
source: fool.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(All Elite Wrestling)
 
 
 
Did Moxley retain his title? Have the Young Bucks screwed themselves out of future tag title matches? Who's next in line for an AEW title shot? The Wednesday Night Wars start @ 8pm ET on TNT, USA. NXT has tiny hands
source: allelitewrestling.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pajiba)
 
 
 
There's no book whose opening lines can't be made better by adding "Four Seasons Total Landscaping." Give it a try
source: pajiba.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Bride realizes she has a "blonde moment" after raging to wedding shop about wedding dress she bought online. Seems she put the dress on inside out (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue November 10, 2020
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Headline: Tucker Carlson says not enough fraud to change election. Article: but totally enough to justify continuing Dotard's legal attempts to invalidate the election
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(StudyFinds)
 
 
 
Today's FARK-ready headline: Nuts improve sperm quality
source: studyfinds.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
'Border Patrol agent seen on TikTok buying tamales from vendor on Mexican side of border barrier' Actual headline, or bad romance novel plot?
source: borderreport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Actual headline " Michigan farm ordered to stop making apple cider due to insanitary conditions". That's crazy
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
"VR Furries Are Now Running Around The Four Seasons Total Landscaping." And to think, part of this headline would not have made sense a week ago
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon November 09, 2020
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
China declines to formally recognize Biden, having apparently been rooting for Kanye this whole time
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Today's headline brought to you by a blistering lack of self-awareness: "Like, we're really actually not criminals"
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
The Ohio Attorney General asks SCOTUS to overturn ruling that extended deadline for absentee ballots in Pennsylvania. Yeah, it's not his state, those ballots haven't been counted yet, and they're so few that they won't affect anything
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Does your wine taste like rotting apples and smell like gasoline? Either you have covid or you got your hands on a rare British cabernet
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Even the suggestion of an effective vaccine has airline stocks taking off
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
From the we can live with that column, this headline. "Citizen Trump will face legal woes"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Trump sets up new voter fraud hotline after prank calls swamp the first one. Biden transition spokesman Heywood Jablowme could not be reached for comment
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Trump campaign posts year 2000 newspaper newspaper headline reading "PRESIDENT GORE" to demonstrate press' incompetence at calling elections. Headline in question was of course Photoshopped, and badly
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun November 08, 2020
(CBS 46 Atlanta)
 
 
 
♬ He was in the right place but it must have been the wrong time He might've said the right thing but he must have used the wrong line ♬
source: cbs46.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lays the smackdown on the media and the public, finishing with the famous Thomas Jefferson quote about newspapers and government, including the oft-omitted final line
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat November 07, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
The best "Trump loses" headline ever
source: ayrshiredailynews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Exit polls show that once again it's Black women who have saved America from itself by putting Biden on their backs and carrying him over the finish line
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri November 06, 2020
(Politico)
 
 
 
Georgia circles the wagons for the oncoming war between both parties with the Senate majority on the line ahead of the Jan. 5 runoffs
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ballotpedia)
 
 
 
Fun civics fact: Only one state has passed its election certification deadline. Nevada has until December 1st
source: ballotpedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
Fark mascot takes gasoline, leaves payment
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Trump touts voter fraud hotline where no one answers
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Drudge posts an "Art of the Deal" excerpt as page top headliner. Oh my
source: pbs.twimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
RNC: Here's a hotline to report rampant voter fraud. Callers: Yeah, I'd like to report a Donald Trump for flagrant voter intimidation and misleading statements about the election
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inside World Soccer)
 
 
 
Australian soccer player retires at 22 due to online abuse
source: insideworldsoccer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Top NYPD official, who runs the office combating workplace harassment, relieved of his command after being accused of posting racist comments on cop message boards online
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sad and Useless)
 
 
 
Chernobyl kittahs - or feline photographic trickery. You decide
source: sadanduseless.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
And the line of GOP politicians eschewing Trump's lunacy begins to form. Eschew. Gesundheit
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu November 05, 2020
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Actual headline: "I counted votes in Michigan. There's no way to commit fraud." TFA is beautiful
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
How Trolls Are Weaponizing "Data Voids" Online
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Data filed by the USPS show it failed to deliver thousands of mail-in ballots before the deadline. Including almost 27% of all mail-in ballots in South Florida
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
How busy was your liquor store on Election Night? "We made money and lots of folks were crying in line"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Screen Rant)
 
 
 
Dr. Sam Becket leaps into presidential candidate to fix timeline
source: screenrant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed November 04, 2020
(AutoBlog)
 
 
 
The last Continental rolled off the production line last Friday. RIP Lincoln sedans, 1917-2020
source: autoblog.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
After beating the Cowboys in Super Bowl X, Steelers founder Art Rooney declined Pete Rozelle's offer to brand the Steelers as "America's Team"
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
You try writing an accessible headline for Belgium that doesn't involve waffles. Anyway, it looks like their covid crisis is hitting a turning point, which is still pretty sweet
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue November 03, 2020
(The Register)
 
 
 
Voyager 2 back online after 8 months of radio silence, still more reliable than Comcast
source: theregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
3.2 billion images and 720,000 hours of video are shared online daily. Can you tell the red lights from the greens?
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
What to do if you're bored and stuck on a very long line at your polling place today
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Five Thirty-Eight)
 
 
 
It's election day. Tell us your voting story. Did you use the drive-thru in Texas, wait in line to early vote, roll the dice sending your ballot via USPS, or are you out today? Subby overnighted his last week and saw it was received yesterday. Whew
source: fivethirtyeight.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon November 02, 2020
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Joe Biden haunted that 'Dewey Defeats Truman' headline could turn into 'Biden Defeats Trump'
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
The pandemic has not been friendly to Friendly's bottom line
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Is it abusive and bad parenting for my brother to use extreme exercise to discipline his children?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Train in Spijkenisse, The Netherlands breaks through barrier at the end of the line, driver will have a whale of a tail to tell
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun November 01, 2020
(Fantasy Football Today)
 
 
 
Eight weeks into the craziest NFL season in memory, we're not sure if the Fark Fantasy Football Experts are even sober anymore. Drunk or not, they're here to answer all your lineup questions. Cheers
source: fftoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat October 31, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Obama, nothing but net from the 3-point line, literally
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C|Net)
 
 
 
So, about that new "super tough" iPhone 12 ceramic shield ... turns out, it's even tougher than they claim. Hey wait, that's not how "about that..." headlines are supposed to work here
source: cnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
What could be better than a Halloween that falls on a Saturday, with a full moon, and getting an extra hours sleep? How about a beautiful black feline who had been missing for over 2 years returning home just in time for Caturday
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Fox News headline crows about Republicans having a 6k vote lead in Miami-Dade early voting. Four paragraphs in they note that Democrats hold a 92k lead in mail-in ballots
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri October 30, 2020
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Hawaiian Airlines passenger never watched Mythbusters
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Oprah Magazine)
 
 
 
Pizza to the Polls will feed you free if you're in line to vote and get hungry
source: oprahmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Subby keeps seeing long lines -- like, *really* long lines -- of people waiting to vote, all over the country. His gut says that Trump voters aren't going to go wait in line 12 hours to vote for him and that these are Biden voters. What do you think?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Kentucky court declines to reduce jury award in Bowling Green massacre. Defendant overhead muttering "still worth it"
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
AI-controlled robot camera, assigned to televised Scottish soccer match, gets periodically attracted to bald linesman in foreground instead of the ball
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Walter White quietly waits on line to legally vote while silently seething. Heisenberg doesn't give a fark
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu October 29, 2020
(CNBC)
 
 
 
United Airlines to begin free Covid testing on London-bound flights. The nasal swabs are shaped like human fists, but otherwise it's just like going to the doctor
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spiegel)
 
 
 
"Several coronavirus vaccine candidates could soon be approved... but the challenges remain immense and the virus will be with us for quite some time to come" - to make this headline even Angstier, read it in Werner Herzog's voice
source: spiegel.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Research shows COVID-19 may lead to cognitive decline, and vice-versa
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
So remember how everyone with a functioning brain cell warned you that "The Thin Blue Line" was mark of fascist police state
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sports Illustrated)
 
 
 
In an effort to improve their run offense, NY Giants quarantine all but 4 of their offensive linemen due to COVID
source: si.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
"There's nothing like a good death threat in the morning to get the juices flowing," Nick Cave says of his treatment of online criticism
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Walmart turns four stores into e-commerce laboratories as online sales surge. We've all seen what Wally Worlds look like - be prepared for all sorts of new Eyegores and mutations and monsters
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Kavanaugh executes a "No true Scotsman" fallacy while correcting the facts in an opinion. He used Vermont as an example of not changing "election rules". When contradicted by facts, he changed it to "election deadline rules". He earns his bribes
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
The New York Post is running a blackmail operation: Cooperate or no good headlines for you
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed October 28, 2020
(NYPost)
 
 
 
New Jersey + COVIDiota + Spirit Airlines + Chin Diaper = Fark Headline
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio waits in line for 3.5 hours to vote with his adoring public. What could possibly go wrong?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Eric Reid declines offer to join Washington's practice squad: "I just don't think playing on the practice squad is reflective or indicative of my career,''
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
NASA and ESA agree to joint Gateway project to build Deep Space outpost. If only Germany had convinced the ESA to cancel, we could have had "DEEP SPACE: NEIN" as a Fark headline
source: newatlas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
25% of Australian 11-12 year olds don't have the literacy and numeracy skills they need to read this headline or calculate a proper tip for their bartenders
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady))
 
 
 
Red Lights, Blue Hats, White Lines - They're Magically Jailicious
source: dailygazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
Headline:"Here's what will happen on election night." TD/DR (too dumb/don't read): We have no idea
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue October 27, 2020
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Doom-y headline: Caterpillar reports a 54% drop in sales in Q3. Reality article: still beats earnings estimates by over 10%
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Never too early to get a head start on those "Democrats in disarray" headline in anticipation of them re-taking majorities both houses next year
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
USA Today runs a letter to the editor from a "college educated suburban mom" who claims she "cautiously voted for Donald Trump" in 2016 but is all-in now. It kinda fails to mention that according to her online bio she's a "writer for fox news"
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett has a busy schedule ahead of her with some major cases in the pipeline. Aren't you just so excited for America?
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
"Facebook Launches the FarmVille of Cloud Gaming Services." You can't top that headline in form or function
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Working from home reduces creative thought. You submitted this with a better headline from your office
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
"How bad is the Covid-19 shutdown for airlines, Professor MBA Degree?" Let's ask the CEO of the *ONLY* consistently profitable quarter-to-quarter airline, that never needed bailouts either: "The ship is taking on water, and we are in a real pickle"
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon October 26, 2020
(Hack A Day)
 
 
 
Raspberry-pi array, the kind you find in an online store. Raspberry-pi array, and if it was warm you need to cool it some more
source: hackaday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Qatar airline security puts TSA to shame
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
AOC joins the voters of NYC as long lines continue for early voting, says waiting in line for longer than two hours is not acceptable and a form of voter suppression
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Hasbro's not playing games, beats estimates. Subby is sorry/not sorry for this headline
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun October 25, 2020
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
America in line
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat October 24, 2020
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
SpaceX is worth double what it was last week, new FAA launch rules, Russia is not talking, Jeff Bezos asks USAF for a lifeline, Lockheed buys launch on unproven Relativity rocket, ABL first launch Q1 2021, Isar has a launch pad, AND THEY HAVE A PLAN
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)
 
 
 
Oh no. People willingly engaging in consensual activities that are 100% legal outside of the workplace, in which nobody is harmed. We need to fire them or discipline them
source: dfw.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BestLife)
 
 
 
New Jersey gets named most hated state in America. Line up behind their smelly arse to see where your state ranks
source: bestlifeonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri October 23, 2020
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Election official will extend election results deadline based on well reasoned delay based on massive mail-in voting. Canada beats the US at democracy
source: vancouverisland.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Times)
 
 
 
Fark Ready Headline: Happy Endings Could Mess Up Your Brain's Decision-Making
source: sciencetimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu October 22, 2020
(MPR News)
 
 
 
Man drives 88,000 pound tanker truck into protestors, is criminally charged. "Investigators used a similar semitruck to reenact the scene and found that Vechirko's line of sight would have given him enough time to stop. "
source: mprnews.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wired UK)
 
 
 
Your Fark-ready headline of the day: "The rise and fall of the Zoom penis". Otherwise known as "Gone in 60 Seconds"
source: wired.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
CDC updates its guidelines about COVID-19 exposure, and.... remember the old TV show "Gemini Man", where if the agent stayed invisible for longer than 15 minutes over a day... yeah, it's like that, except you catch it, instead of disappearing forever
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Ringer)
 
 
 
"If Paul Hollywood were a baked good, he would be an Éclair à la Aging Masculine Vanity". Save the GBBS
source: theringer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Ringer)
 
 
 
Another questioning headline, another obvious answer
source: theringer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Good Samaritan pays outrageous airline baggage fee for stressed out mom travelling with three youngins after heartless airline won't let her on with half-filled flight
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Subby just read the headline but assumes the body says "From under a blanket, peeking out on occasion in terror while masticating voodoo dolls"
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Yes. That's it. That's the headline
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed October 21, 2020
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: We are altering the timeline. Pray we don't alter it any further
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
That hot chick you're talking to online isn't a hot chick. And she's not online (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue October 20, 2020
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Trump admin can't find the parents of 545 children that they abducted. No it's not a funny headline. There's nothing funny about it all
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline: Low-flying helicopters to measure radiation levels in DC before inauguration
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
A limo ride from a funeral home to the polls is cool and all, but subby was hoping for the horse-drawn hearse, glass casket, and dancing pallbearers to really make an entrance at these lines
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
This just in: The United Airlines study that concluded flying presents a low Covid-19 infection rate might not be accurate
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon October 19, 2020
(KPAX Missoula)
 
 
 
At least they misspelled Paradise correctly (Update: Headline has been fixed, see thread for original)
source: kpax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
The EU multinational COVID-19 tracing project is passed. The system goes online October 19th, 2020. Human decisions are removed from pandemic defense. COVIDnet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:45 a.m. November 4
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pro Football Talk)
 
 
 
NY Jets Head Coach Adam Gases says he has "no great answer on Sam Darnold's return" in a headline that went four words too long
source: profootballtalk.nbcsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
American Airlines announces they will begin flights with possible unscheduled vertical arrivals at rough or non-existent airstrips by the end of the year
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
How do you put the "Nothin' gonna happen" GIF in a headline?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
On the day that he was betrayed into the hands of sinners, the Lord took his body and made it swole for your lack of discipline. He then took the cup of Celltech and blessed it, and said, "Drink, so that you may experience gains"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Dubliner brings traffic in the city to a standstill after stripping off to his underwear with chilly fountain 'bubblebath'
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Superhero Hype)
 
 
 
Hasbro realizes Transformers Studio Series toy line, originally meant to glorify the Michael Bay universe, had neglected an infinitely cooler 1986 animated film and all its wonderful toys
source: superherohype.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun October 18, 2020
(Some Drunk)
 
 
 
Don't need no fancy drinks, don't need no fancy headlines: this week the Sunday Morning Music Club is looking for the best drinking songs of all time. Cheers
source: worldsbestbars.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
The answer to the headline is to stop thinking the stock market is the economy
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat October 17, 2020
(YouTube)
 
 
 
It's the "Save Our Stages" online festival EXTRAVAGANZA Day 2, starting at 4 PM ET with Jason Mraz. Support your local independent venue before some rich guy buys them all up
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Possible new overlord for the Earth to worship after huge 2,000-year-old cat etching found in Peru's Nazca Desert at the site of famous Nazca Lines (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
"They should not be in a shelter". And now they're not, as 21-year-old feline siblings Leon and Nikita find their furever home just in time for a happy Caturday
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri October 16, 2020
(Fox 7 Austin)
 
 
 
Houston arson investigator killed in the line of fire
source: fox7austin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Escaped cow in Australia trapped by a) a wildfire, b) flooding, or c) a trampoline
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
Elon Musk's monorail in Vegas isn't going to transport as many people as he promised and not just because CES is online-only next year
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
ActBlue, the Democrat's online fundraising platform aimed at small donors reports a 3rd quarter haul that was pretty, pretty good, like $1.5 BILLION good. the largest quarter in their 15-year history, and almost half of it coming in September alone
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
FARK ready headline: Julie Andrews reveals unexpected place she used to keep her Oscar
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Whoever prepares the President's Daily Briefing may want to consider adopting Fark's "tag" system, especially the "Satire" tag, as he retweets a story from the "Babylon Bee", whose tagline is "Fake news you can trust", believing it was real
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Online paleontology conference boned by an overzealous word filter
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu October 15, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Sweden to increase military spending by 40% in hopes that Russia doesn't cross the Finnish line any time soon
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Sharon Stone is done with Dating. She said nothing about Casual Encounters on weekends. Which is also the name of my Devo Cover Band. So, there's a chance. All I need is slashies // and I have a possibe Fark Headline Trifecta. And my first green
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"I was driven crazy by my kids' obsession with playing Roblox online. And then, I joined them"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Americans torn between taking a vacation and living
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kotaku)
 
 
 
Fark ready headline: Doom Running On A Calculator Powered By Old Potatoes
source: kotaku.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed October 14, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Shiaty service, increased fees, lousy customer experience, corporate malfeasance, design & manufacturing failures, poor governance, and... oh right, a pandemic: Airlines never had a chance
source: theaircurrent.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHYY)
 
 
 
The apostrophe: the scourge of all editors, the least useful grammar mark, and now the thing that breaks online voting registration
source: whyy.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Probably the LAST headline you want when you are running barely ahead of a challenger gaining steam in a state with a large African American population: "Graham clarifies comment about segregation"
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(EurekAlert)
 
 
 
Headline: From puppyhood to senior age, dogs' different personality traits age differently. The article's a little ruff
source: eurekalert.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this line in the sand
source: craigthompson.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vanity Fair)
 
 
 
Journalist spends a year catfishing white supremacists online. The result? There is no single type or form of person that is immune to white supremacy
source: vanityfair.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lite 98.7 Utica)
 
 
 
Upstate New York man finds his walls and floors are lined with cases of whiskey while renovating his home. Does life get any better than that?
source: lite987.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Come for the mayors butt. Stay for the news anchor meltdown
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Early voting started in Tennessee today. Let's see how the lines are, shall we? And... oh my
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
The airline industry is desperate to convince people it's safe to fly even though it isn't
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
ICE on the verge of deporting 60 refugees from Cameroon who fled civil war back to their home country, despite a Department of State memo confirming that in all likelihood, they would be executed as soon as they arrive. Fark this timeline
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Le'Veon Bell gets traded by the Jets to the unemployment line
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue October 13, 2020
(The New Civil Rights Movement)
 
 
 
For voter suppression, look no further than Georgia
source: thenewcivilrightsmovement.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Gun toting weirdos aim to protect what they think is democracy from voters
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sports Illustrated)
 
 
 
5 of 12 linebackers on USC's 1989 depth chart have died, each before age 50. It's hard to fight on when the game batters your brain and body
source: si.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
There's a proper way to act in a dual drive thru. This would not be it
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austin Statesman)
 
 
 
Nearly all eligible voters in Texas' most blue county are registered to vote this year. A record 97% of the county's estimated 850,000 eligible voters are registered and the lines to vote are huge. Blue stampede on the way
source: statesman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons, and in all but two elections they've picked the winner
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
In Georgia - where people are waiting in lines for 6 hours or more to cast their ballots - a judge today dismissed a voting-access lawsuit, saying the fear of long lines was "too speculative"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(France 24)
 
 
 
Really love airline food? Singapore Airlines has you covered
source: france24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Trump campaign rallies are merely waiting rooms for the Darwin Awards
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Takeout)
 
 
 
Number of coffee shops shrinking as sales plunge. Maybe when this is all over, we can return to "Cheers" instead of "Central Perk"
source: thetakeout.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Let's christen the STEM tab with its first A-10 headline. So the immense power of the Warthog's GAU-8/A Avenger 30mm gatling gun posed a few, shall we say, "challenges" for the aircraft early on
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Delta Airlines could use a vacation
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Branches hitting power lines may have sparked massive forest fire
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Nation)
 
 
 
Destroy the digital economy with this one weird trick - how online advertising is a house of cards not unlike 2008
source: thenation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Mets to get more anal...ytical under Steve Cohen
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Georgia breaks its record for first day of early voting while voters still remain in line at 10pm
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon October 12, 2020
(MSN)
 
 
 
Glasses fogging up because of your mask? Get in line for lasik
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(We Got This Covered)
 
 
 
Disney/Marvel issues new MCU timeline, no word on where Howard the Duck fits in however
source: wegotthiscovered.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Early voting begins in Georgia, lines reported. When you've been waiting a couple years to pay back previous electoral shenanigans, a couple hours is nothing
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Bonus Twofer headline: Racist confronts Pennsylvania Lt. Governor's wife at grocery store plus Anne Ramsey- where is she now?
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sports)
 
 
 
From the Well-That-Was-Quick Dept: Haskins trade expected before the deadline
source: cbssports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Susan Collins outraged her opponent is raising more money than her and is doing anything she can to win
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AsiaOne)
 
 
 
Online durian festival sold over 300,000 Mao Shan Wang durians and grossed $14.7 million in under an hour. The sweet smell of success
source: asiaone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun October 11, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Remember the square pizza they used to serve in American public schools? Someone saved the recipe. Serve next to mashed potatoes plated with an ice cream scoop for maximum nostalgia
source: schoolpizzarecipe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Florida Man goes beyond just being a Fark headline, becomes a Blue Öyster Cult song
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat October 10, 2020
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Headlines that make you go huh? "Phil Collins booting ex-wife out of home after alleged secret wedding"
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chattanooga Pulse)
 
 
 
Facing merged precincts, a shortage of poll workers, and expected high turnout on Election Day, one organization wants to do something to help those stuck in line for hours upon hours
source: chattanoogapulse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cosmopolitan)
 
 
 
This is probably the quickest "no" in the history of interrogative headlines
source: cosmopolitan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
World's first permanent "life-size" Godzilla statue installed in Kobe theme park, featuring zipline descending right into his atomic-breath mouth
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri October 09, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
I guess the "Law and Order" President only threatens to go after people below the OK/Not OK line
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
Former Steelers offensive lineman Tunch Ilkin diagnosed with ALS
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(GQ)
 
 
 
Ranking Nicolas Cage's leather jackets IS the most important style story of the day
source: gq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Apparently, the total value of all the avocado toast and participation trophies accounts for less than 5% of all U.S. wealth, while bootstraps, landlines, and onion belts are worth over 50%
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Channel 3000 Madison)
 
 
 
Can just one word in an otherwise typical news headline lead to mass wincing? Yep
source: channel3000.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
The cake is a fail
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
Discontinued, disgusting fast food items. Subby still misses number 12
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu October 08, 2020
(Deadline)
 
 
 
Deadline: Oops, our bad, overzealous staffer, bad Zoom connection, accidental coding error, mistakes were made
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wrestling Inc)
 
 
 
Man sues the WWE for not making their online shop accessible to those who cannot watch pro-wrestling
source: wrestlinginc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Greek Reporter)
 
 
 
The long process of decrypting Linear A has finally begun to pay off. Whatever. It's all Greek to me
source: greece.greekreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Registering the typing on the wall, IBM heads for the cloud
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Gov DeSantis argues in court that just because the state's voter registration portal crashed due to heavy traffic the day before the deadline to register, that no reason to extend the deadline because that might "undermine confidence" in the election
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
America needs 9000 more holiday Dicks as online bulges
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WA Today (Australia))
 
 
 
While the US tries to get all schools to open as the pandemic still rages. In Western Australia where there has been no community transmission in 6 months, a university decides all lectures will remain online through 2021
source: watoday.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
America's drive-thrus ranked on the left; line of farkers to the right
source: qsrmagazine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
UK airline EasyJet says its first-ever annual loss could be over $1bil, no problem
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
'Drink a bottle of booze, pop a couple of ludes': How rock god Eddie Van Halen lived by a very fast motto that saw him spend his wedding day with head down toilet, pull a gun on Fred Durst and have lines of coke racked up on EVERY stage he played
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Quote from the response of the Dear Amy column: " Your sexless marriage is probably more "normal" than you realize"
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"When I was 16, my home life was in chaos. One of my parents was an alcoholic, and the other was dealing with a chronic illness. My high school coach was my lifeline; he sent me gifts, made me feel special. A friend says he was grooming me. Was he?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Coconuts)
 
 
 
Perpetually squabbling Thais and Cambodians agree on one thing: Thai hotel built in the style of Angkor Wat is the tackiest
source: coconuts.co   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed October 07, 2020
(Terre Haute Tribune Star)
 
 
 
Early voting going 'crazy good'
source: tribstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
The pandemic caused trust in science to grow
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
If the headline's green, the facts are clean
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Apparently locking your car doors will keep ghosts out
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
The top headline for Fox News is HRC's emails. Today. October 7, 2020
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sports)
 
 
 
Novak Djokovic accidentally hits a line judge in the face. This is not a repeat from the US Open a month ago
source: cbssports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadline)
 
 
 
Star Fleet officers from various generations come together to fundraise for Joe Biden instead of using Nexus to go back and prevent entire messed up timeline
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Senator in charge of airline safety demonstrates his commitment to keeping the skies safe for travelers
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue October 06, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Korean girl group agency reacts to complaints about sexy-nurse outfit worn in music video, calls it an artistic choice and not an insult to nurses on COVID-19 front lines who don't wear sexy-nurse outfits on the job
source: soompi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
Early voting started today in Ohio, and there were long lines. Bonus - Ohio counts early votes and absentee votes in real time, so the results that are released at 8pm on election day will include them
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
"At 102 years old, Bea Lumpkin has never missed voting in a presidential election. And even though casting her ballot was more dangerous this year, she didn't let the coronavirus epidemic stop her." If she can vote, so can you
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Hard hitting op-ed headline of the day hits the nail on the head: "No, Trump did not piledrive the virus into submission with h