headlines found matching 'Law' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
Mon February 06, 2023 |
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Alabama Sheriff's offices are reeling from a loss of pistol permit revenue. How can they stay afloat? How about free government money?
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Lead RNC Document: Sure, all of our baseless claims of stolen elections and endless litigation over them is destroying voter confidence in elections overall , and probably contributed to our losses in 2020 and '22, but let's dial it up to 11 anyway
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Man arrested at county jail for smuggling cocaine, cigarettes, lighters, marijuana, chicken wings
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As it has been noted here many,many times before, the hitman you want to hire on the "dark web" isn't really a hitman. But it isn't always a cop, either. Sometimes it is a scammer
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He's never going to show up now
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"FDNY firefighters... extinguished a fire and located a man who was dead inside." A man that was dead inside? What's his Fark handle?
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I hate Maryland Nazis
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Manchester Cheaty
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SCOTUS is in the position to make a decision that would deny Republicans the outright theft of multiple elections in 2024 based on their over-the-top gerrymandering. But they probably won't because, you know, they don't even pretend anymore
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Remember how oh-so-funny Republicans started calling it "Obamacare" to link his name to it like an albatross, but then Obama embraced the term and beat them all? Well, this is like that, except with busing migrants across the country
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Man shot by Dick Cheney dies
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Sun February 05, 2023 |
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Cyclists are an arrogant bunch sometimes, but they can also be just plain stupid. For instance, this guy pedaling on the busiest 5-lane highway in Scotland
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Cyclists are an arrogant bunch sometimes, but they can also be just plain stupid. For instance, this guy pedaling on the busiest 5-lane highway in Scotland
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Man who called himself the Gatsby of Gold disappeared with everyone's money
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Satanic Rainbow Tower is the name of Subby's hard rock cover band
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Satanic Rainbow Tower is the name of Subby's hard rock cover band
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Gabriel + Eno = not a headline from 1974
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NYC plan to involuntarily commit homeless people who "appear to be mentally ill" can proceed, judge rules. Plan looks so crazy on paper, it needs to be involuntarily committed
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Trump 2016 campaign has settled with staffer who sued them over the NDA she had to sign, paying $450,000. More importantly, the settlement negates the NDAs 422 other staffers had to sign, meaning they are now free to speak out about what they saw
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Santos finally tells the truth
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A network of Kochs' will attempt to do what nobody else seems capable of: Koch-blocking orange Julius and screwing him out of the nomination
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NC Supreme Court: We don't need no stinkin' democracy
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Sat February 04, 2023 |
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Where there is (Marijuana) smoke, there is fire(arms)
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Governor Kim Reynolds (K-och) declares that if just ONE school bans ONE book because ONE person objected to it, then ALL schools in the state must ban it as well
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"...the creationist theme park that Hovind operates in a quiet pocket of Alabama..." gives you a whiff of where this story's going
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French court does not surrender, refuses to drop charges of antiques trafficking against a former Louvre director and a curator
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Urkel, Stephanie Tanner and those two guys from "Stand by Me" will provide voices for a cartoon that looks like a 21st century blend of Bart Simpson and Calvin and Hobbes
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Failed friend of feeble farkwit fails to fathom his failure
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(Some Guy) |
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"Miami is outside the three-mile limit. From reality"
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FTC to Amazon: "Any day now"
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College workers of the world, unite
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Subby's advice: get a cashier's check
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Saying that it isn't the kind of company that breaks into homes to forcibly install prepaid meters while breaking into homes to forcibly install prepaid meters, British Gas unironically provides a definition of gaslighting
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Tell me 'any day now' without saying 'any day now.'
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Do you ever wish you'd cashed in on the YouTube showboat or helped your kids pursue their dreams of stardom? Well now you can run away screaming
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No matter which version is correct, we all win a little
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C) Racism
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If you're going to write fake tickets to meet your quota that definitely doesn't exist, at least make sure to choose a person who isn't dead, officer
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Fri February 03, 2023 |
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Elon Musk cleared in Tesla tweet-fraud trial, can now get back to burning the company to the ground using his self-igniting cars
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Robber pulls one gun, you pull two - it's the American way
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Holy shiat - and you thought TFG hired the worst lawyers. Santos lawyer convicted of gang killing in 2007. And FYI even though Santos has given interviews in Portuguese he does not understand Portuguese
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Holy shiat - and you thought TFG hired the worst lawyers. Santos lawyer convicted of gang killing in 2007. And FYI even though Santos has given interviews in Portuguese he does not understand Portuguese
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Residents of Missouri get something to help them forget that they live in Missouri
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(Some Guy) |
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NYC fails at legal weed: The 20-odd unlicensed weed shops within a half mile of its two legal dispensaries, the weed is cheaper and often better because it doesn't have to be New York-grown
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Positive thinking doesn't get you anywhere. But then neither does hard work. So next time you get born, do so to rich famous parents
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Flip flopping felons cancel contrition
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Walter White of Purdue arrested. Clearly the research grants aren't quite generous enough
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Residents living in luxury flats neighboring the Tate Modern extension have sued and won a case where they say the viewing platform that looks directly into their windows breaches their human rights and created a state of near constant surveillance
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NCAA President Mark Emmert announces he's going to take his ball and find other athletes to exploit with it; the joy just isn't there anymore
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Joe Manchin sticks his head into the gas stove
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Politico headline writer: take something iconic from a state and add fighting words. The content of the article doesn't matter. For example, The Bluegrass Massacre. Georgia Peach Petard
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So I hear kids are getting their cousins high on crushed up Takis and bath salts and then convince them to go to school wearing only Fruit Roll-ups. They're calling it the "Walk of Fame"
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Tick Tockers have discovered the secret of how to get you to engage with with there posts, even if you don't really want too
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Of course, China needs civilian "airships" over Montana. No word on if it also has a six year old inside
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Perception: Now they're 12, your grandkids never visit, call or e-mail any more. Reality: Now they're 12, your grandkids need to go to court to make your crazy self respect their boundaries
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The cruelty is the point™
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After a hard fought season, Mississippi has secured the #1 seed for hookworm and infant mortality
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Arizona, where the GOP would rather lose than evolve
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Remember that cracker plant TFG visited in Pennsylvania? Well, it is creating jobs. For lawyers
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Fair use or copyright infringement? If an AI eats your painting, is it still yours? Put aside for a moment that one of the defendants call themselves deviants
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I'm here from Gilead and I'm here to help
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"I'm 21 and my daughter's 15 - her teachers never take me seriously. What do?" Subby was told there'd be no math on Fark
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Former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, whose U.S. visa expired on Tuesday, is applying for a six-month visa to be able to stay in Florida. Probably to huddle with Trump and plan his next move
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Cool: Veteran continues US tradition of fighting Nazis. Cooler: Veteran creates non profit to fight Nazis. Coolest: names it after Smedley Butler, because he foiled a fascist coup in the US
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'It's not a gun problem' says family after being affected by a gun problem
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'It's not a gun problem' says family after being affected by a gun problem
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Thu February 02, 2023 |
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Keanu Reeves gets restraining order. Apparently "being John Wick" doesn't deter stalkers like it used to
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Amazon to lawmakers: our warehouses don't need no tornado shelters, workers are expendable. Now give us our tax breaks
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First comprehensive report in more than 20 years on gun crime in the US is released by the ATF. TL/DR? We have a LOT of it. Other takeaways: Ghost guns are becoming a problem, and people confused the Coronavirus pandemic for the Zombie apocalypse
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(Some Guy) |
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Startup carrier Avelo puts Delaware back on the aviation map. Honestly, it's unclear if Delaware is on any map let alone an aviation map
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CBS grants season 2 to "ratings success" lawyer drama you never realized had a season 1
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CBS grants season 2 to "ratings success" lawyer drama you never realized had a season 1
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Saudi Arabia to sponsor this year's Women's World Cup, ban the players from driving down the field
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George Santos explains the mysterious but totally legit source of his campaign cash: he got it from Crypto-bros
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The pandemic's over, which means it's time to start clawing money back from all those takers who got fat and lazy on pandemic-related assistance. No, not corporations. No, not farmers either. You, SNAP recipient. Your days of luxury are over
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Let's look at how Ron DeSantis helped spread a virus through sheer force of idiocy
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AP African American Studies course gets updated to comply with Florida's "Don't Say Bayard Rustin or James Baldwin" law
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Senator Mike Lee (R-UT-roh) Declares war on Japan. Finally, a nation we know we can beat
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Alright, Scarf, Denigrate and Bluster
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The Orange Goblin tells what supporters he has left to 'lock and load'
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Shell reports record profits of $40B for last year. Oh, and they also polluted the entire of country of Nigeria and plan to give them nothing to clean up
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Hunter Biden's laptop threatens to sue Fox News
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Cops put a flier on murder suspect's car advertising a free meal at a local restaurant. He showed up and had his meal, then they submitted his fork and spoon for DNA testing and bam, cold case solved
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First police report in Tyre Nichols case turns out to be filled with lies. Subby is trying to find his shocked face hidden in this giant stack of Obvious and 'murica tags
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Law enforcement officials, gun rights advocates request clarification on Alabama's new permitless concealed carry law because it's a cluster fark
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Fortunately wrestling bears remains illegal in Alabama. Worshiping with rattlesnakes still protected by First Amendment though
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Fortunately wrestling bears remains illegal in Alabama. Worshiping with rattlesnakes still protected by First Amendment though
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Food Pyramid to reintroduce Taco Bell and donuts group
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Wed February 01, 2023 |
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Dead dog bites congressman
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There'll be laughing and singing, and goin' to prison, for dancing in the streets
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This is all perfectly normal, all defendants would get this treatment from a judge
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Okay, Tennessee, you're tops in the country in gun thefts, 40th in health care, and front page news is the brutal murder of a citizen by police. What's the first bill in your new Congress?
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"Arizona Republicans fear they may blow it again" - and by 'it', they in no way mean the men's health model with the rugged chin with just the right amount of stubble
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I love my FedEx guy because he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it
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Today's Slatesplanation: What real drag queens think about George Santos
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Mark Zuckerberg defeats the FTC's antitrust challenge. Still not a real, live boy
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♫ 50...is a magic number ♫
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♫ 50...is a magic number ♫
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Attorneys general from 20 slave states warn CVS and Walgreens about interfering with their property
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House Oversight Committee disbands Subcommittee on Civil Rights and Civil Liberties
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You're the CEO, you can just fire them
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Sherlock Holmes Museum boss has won the right to kick his brother out of his home after a 10-year feud. Mycroft unavailable for comment
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Social media misogynist who bragged about taking advantage of lax Romanian laws gets to enjoy 30 more days of lax Romanian hospitality
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Ethics complaint filed with Congress and the DOJ alleging that the activities of a spouse of Supreme Court Justice create a conflict of interest that should make her husband recuse himself from most cases. Difficulty: NOT Clarence and Ginny Thomas
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Seasoned political observers say that Trump might have had a chance in 2020 if his campaign had had more fiscal discipline and not burned through their huge war chest so early so this time if they can just- nope it's already too late for that
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Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Democratic party?
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"Today, with the President's full support and cooperation, the DOJ is conducting a planned search of his home in Rehoboth, Delaware"
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Video of Mike Pillow in a claw machine being interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel
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RNC: So, for 2024, what we're planning is to completely embrace the strategy that led to our complete rout in 2022. We're just going to do it harder this time
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Headline writer uses Betteridge's Law to their advantage
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Hostile takeover of Florida's colleges underway: "You called us racists, sexists, bigots, outsiders...We are now in a position of authority in the college. And the accusations are telling us that something is wrong here"
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404 - Mine not found
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Los Angeles Department of Water and Power to Arizona and Nevada: "Yeah the 'Power' doesn't mean 'Electricity' guys"
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Tue January 31, 2023 |
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Goodwill hunting might be a bit bleak this season
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Corporations: "We can't afford paying workers $15/hour". Also Corporations: "spends upwards of $340 million on union-busting*
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And I don't know where I'm going, I just want to be left alone. Well, when this train ends I'll try again, but I'm leaving my 7pm ET MSNBC thread at home
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Will Smith and Martin Lawrence announce Bad Boys 4 (Life). It slaps
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Jury: Cable guy stabbed your grandma? Here's $7 billion. Charter Cable: How about $262 million, which our insurance will pay? And you still owe us for the service call. That's Texas Justice
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Ever wanted to see Mike Lindell inside a claw machine? You're in luck
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Celsius in hot water
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The Supreme Court's upcoming student loan case is about much, much more than student loans. For example, it's also about the wealthy being able to maintain a permanent underclass of debt slaves. Lots at stake
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Oh I'd plead the fifth 200 times, and plead the fifth 200 more, just to be TFG who pleaded the fifth 400 times to Letitia James as questioner
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Tyson CFO gets so hammered he passes out in the wrong house. Must be nice to be 32 and have your dad in the CEO slot
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Tyson CFO gets so hammered he passes out in the wrong house. Must be nice to be 32 and have your dad in the CEO slot
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Texas judge lifts restraining order on sheriff who was sexually harassing female members of his staff, because what's the point of letting the ladies into your station if you can't pat them on the ass now and then, amiright?
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Citing injuries from storming the beaches of Iwo Jima on D day. George Santos rescues himself from committee assignments
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Having solved all other problems in the state, the West Virginia Senate has time to pass bills forcing religion on kids in public schools. Moderate Christians shrug and go back to claiming how they are different from those extremists
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Having solved all other problems in the state, the West Virginia Senate has time to pass bills forcing religion on kids in public schools. Moderate Christians shrug and go back to claiming how they are different from those extremists
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You're roasting KFC cole slaw wrong
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Incarcerated in MA? Getting out early will cost you a kidney
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Can A.I. be used for good? Let's ask artist Jill Miller, whose image was used, without permission, on an album cover. Her response to this does not stink
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Trump received less money for his 2024 presidential campaign after he announced his intention to run than he received before announcing it
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City of St. Louis paying more than $10M to police brutality victims who were protesting police brutality
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Minnesota makes abortion a "fundamental right" with the passage of the PRO Act
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Minnesota makes abortion a "fundamental right" with the passage of the PRO Act
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Fri January 27, 2023 |
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Former Vice President Mike Pence once again proves he's not like Trump concerning his stash of classified documents: "Mistakes were made ... I take full responsibility"
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Police bodycam footage of Tyre Nichols beating released, is as bad as was expected. [Graphic violence warning]
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Credit card debt? Try inheriting money
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Guess who "secretly" "donated" "$1miiillion dollars" to the "Arizona" "election" "audit", go on, actually, don't bother
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You know how some people get really, really defensive when you say something about them that's just a little too true for comfort? Joe Kennedy does
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College students now oppose lawn care
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Ohio Dollar General stores shut down because they generally had the wrong dollars marked on their tags
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Man who killed wife tries the "She was asking for it defense"
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McDonald's president says proposal to pay fast-food workers $22 an hour is 'costly and job-destroying'. Doesn't mention his $7.4 million salary last year
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Barr ally Eastman faces disbarment in the West
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Much like racial tolerance, sanity, and attractive people, red states are losing abortion access
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Much like racial tolerance, sanity, and attractive people, red states are losing abortion access
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"We have to build Cop City. How else will we learn to suppress people protesting Cop City?"
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Sweet. And since they consider all their work tedious and beneath them, we've finally found some workers appropriate to fire and replace with GhatGPT
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White House approves 16,000,000 Americans for student loan relief, tells Supreme Court: "Good luck enforcing your decisions with the army you don't have"
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DOJ stops Iranian backed hit squad that tried to kill Iranian dissident on US soil
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Give it a shot
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Florida bests Virginia in youngest school kid to be caught packing
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Very soon now in Tennessee you will be able to shoot that person stealing your pink flamingo off of your front lawn
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'You're going to see acts that defy humanity,' police chief says, as officials urge calm when Tyre Nichols arrest videos are released publicly tonight
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There are actually lots of first world countries, America among them, suffering a real problem from population decline. That problem could almost entirely be solved by migration. Assuming that whole "they're not white, tho" thing wasn't a problem
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Looks like it might be harder for conservative justices to make the ruling they want, will they find a way?
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The monarchial toxicity of the British Empire causes Alan Cumming to turn in his OBE
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Justice Dudebro upset law school rankings don't include partying
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Cro-Magnon brothers just released from prison charged with murder. Unfrozen caveman lawyer to represent them
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Gen Zers won't even apply to a job if the salary isn't listed. In response, subby will list his company's jobs as "$25k to $100k a year"
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Today's Santos lies brought to you by Vanity Fair
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London law firm changes dress code to 'wildly fabulous and express yourselves to the full'
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Bill Barr once traveled to Italy to get the Italian government to help discredit the Trump/Russia investigation. They responded by giving him evidence of Trump crimes
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(Some Guy) |
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Faxed bomb threats paralyze Japanese schools. One can imagine principals staring at the office fax machine, waiting for the ring, the beep and the plasticy printout containing the next fateful fax setting up the bomb
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Thu January 19, 2023 |
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Random stat of the day: Trevor Lawrence carries lifetime unbeaten streak of 37-0 on Saturdays. Chiefs are doomed
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Virginia's GOP-controlled House have voted down a bill introduced by an actual doctor that would have allowed doctors to prescribe psilocybin, or "magic mushrooms,"to treat PTSD or "End of life anxiety" because drugs? Drugs are BAD mm'kay?
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Virginia's GOP-controlled House have voted down a bill introduced by an actual doctor that would have allowed doctors to prescribe psilocybin, or "magic mushrooms,"to treat PTSD or "End of life anxiety" because drugs? Drugs are BAD mm'kay?
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You'd almost think the Founders considered the possibility of religious conflicts when drafting the Constitution
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Alec Baldwin to be charged with involuntary manslaughter, attempting to retake title of worst Baldwin from Adam
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Dear Slate: I thought my landlord was only kidding about that whole "your rent is due on X day" thing and now my finances are all screwed up. Why is the world so unfair?
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Tucker Carlson Is A Terrible Person: Jacinda Ardern Edition
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Elon Musk's lawyer deploys the TFG defense, says funding to take Tesla private really was secured - in Elon's mind
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Now that the GQP loonies are threatening to blow up the economy, it's finally time for Uncle Joe to break out the platinum card
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An early and strong contender for 2023 Mom of the Year
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How about no, Derek Chauvin? Does no work for you?
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For some odd reason, law enforcement became suspicious when a guy got sick after eating Taco Bell
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DuhSantis bans AP class because it might make Floridians too smart
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Flo Rida can continue to not make hits with no financial worries thanks to $82.6 million-win in a breach of contract lawsuit against beverage maker Celsius
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