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| Mon August 08, 2022 |
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The best college football team in each state. Some are undisputed, and others fought to the bitter end to win their state
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Cox sucks Axios
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Add "beachside homeowners in Massachusetts" to the growing list of worthless asshats infesting this country
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If you don't like lab grown meat, then I guess you can try lab grown fish?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Want to watch TV but sick of paying for too many streaming services? Good news, there's this technology that will let you find TV shows by sticking up a piece of metal and grabbing them from thin air. What is this witchcraft, you say?
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B's bring back Bergeron
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Not that China has any intentions of invading, they just like to launch long-range airstrike drills around Taiwan for the hell of it
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Colonial Williamsburg, VA, is dedicated to preserving the history and telling the story of some of the earliest American settlers. Unless those people happened to be Black, of course, in which case they literally paved it over. For a parking lot
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Occam's Razor: You could believe that extreme heatwaves killed thousands of cattle, but I prefer to think that Joe Biden personally ordered them poisoned so we would all be forced to eat fake meat
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| Sun July 31, 2022 |
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After getting green lighted on Fark, nightmare spider thingy wins "I Voted" sticker design contest. And now thanks to you, there will be much nightmares, tribulations and lost sleep by the hapless voters you have unleashed this upon
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And there it is: Manchin never thought the bill would succeed
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Leave it to the Japanese to come up with water jelly as a way to keep you cool this summer. Probably has a hint of squid for taste
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For no reason at all, members of Congress are given 10k each to upgrade their home security
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Maine needs six inches, really, really badly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thirty-five years ago today, Kiefer Sutherland's gang of vampires terrorized the Santa Cruz boardwalk and a certain musclebound saxophone player
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Last year San Mateo County, Calif., ordered $7,538,401 of pandemic PPE. Then it got mind-numbingly stupid and ended up costing the taxpayers a lot. A whole lot
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| Thu July 28, 2022 |
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Darwin helps teacher find her TikTok site
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Stellantis earnings rise as electric vehicle sales expand, expansion into galactic arm
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An Anti-Vaxxer and a Mormon get the same job. I forget the rest, so I'll take "Catch the Semen" for $800
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This is okay, no need to be concerned. Who am I kidding? EVERYBODY PANIC
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Lies, damn lies, and gaming statistics
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If you're worried about the Chinese latest rocket debris about to fall from space somewhere on Earth, rest assured that China says they are watching it closely. They can't really do anything, but at least they'll notice whoever gets crushed under it
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You may be struggling, but the oil industry is making record profit, and isn't that all that matters?
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Sebastian Vettel to retire from F1 at the end of the year
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Somerton man's identity solved after 73 years: He's Carl Webb. tamám shud
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| Tue July 26, 2022 |
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When a fellow straphanger stabs you not two or four, but three times, it means, "I respect you but must take issue with this latest development in the discussion between us"
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60s cliché to skip 80s cliché because of 20s cliché
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NY closer to eradicating giant hogweed, but not on a time table to get 'em out by Friday before supper's ready
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yo dog, we heard you like Antetokounmpo, so what we did, dog, is because you had one Antetokounmpo, we traded Antetokounmpo to the Bucks, so now, player, you have two Antetokounmpos, so you can get your Antetokounmpo on, dog
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The Americans™
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Home prices begin slipping
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Bill Belichick praises Mac's improvements, may have a shot of defeating Mr. Sandman now
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Bannon openly calling for insurrection? I am shocked. SHOCKED Well, not that shocked
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| (Some ex-stoner) |
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Meta-study: Put down the bong before you get hooked for life
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Florida woman loses $100,000 and her bakery in her first month investing in crypto currency
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Rare Mickey Mantle card up for auction. Could fetch up to 10 bars of gold pressed latinum
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Oak Fire becomes California's largest wildfire of 2022. Marshmallow sales soar while graham crackers and chocolate surprisingly remain unaffected
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♫ Hold me closer, one more time ♫
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| Tue July 19, 2022 |
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A fool and his money are soon parted as the USC Trojans are a popular Las Vegas bet to win the College Football playoffs. Why wouldn't they be after last year's outstanding 4-8 season?
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| (Some Guy) |
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The kidney transplant patient looking for his parked car was black, so naturally hospital security beat him senseless, handcuffed him and held him in an interrogation room
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Man without a conscience encourages people to grab as much blood money as they can while it's there to be grabbed
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YouTube keeps recommending content that 71% of users keep reporting for misinformation, violence, hate speech, or scams. The Marketplace of Ideas
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Are you trying to get away during the UK heat wave? Melted airport runways and buckling train rails might get in the way of that
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Joe Rogan tests Schrödinger's Douchebag theory by apologizing after suggesting a guest on his show "should just go shoot the homeless people" in L.A
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The latest trend among the youth: lack of ambition, which has initiated a new era of work. '"I don't want to hustle," said a twentysomething TikTokker last year'
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Mission to land on Mars in three years announced. Difficulty: No government, no Elon. Spiffy: Credible people involved including the first SpaceX employee hired by Musk who was lead designer for Falcon 9's rocket engines
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At least 10 attacks by a wild monkey on Japan. A giant, radioactive flying monkey. Should we call Godzilla? No, just a regular monkey, apparently
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Nikki Glaser regrets saying that she'd rather be farkable than funny. Subby thinks she's remarkably farkable and funny so I don't see the issue here
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| Fri July 15, 2022 |
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Here's a modest common sense proposal: If private companies are going to benefit from taxpayer subsidies, the financial gains made by these companies must be shared with the American people
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While environmentalists would like to burn this unlicensed asbestos removal contractor at the stake for his crimes, it probably wouldn't do much good
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Headline: Toyota Crown returns to US as an SUV. Narrator: "That's not an SUV"
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For the first time in 33 years, Super Bowl beer ads will feature actual beer
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Trump announcing a 2024 run could help Democrats in the midterms
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The recent surge of inflation is due to: A) Profligate fiscal and monetary policy by the the US govt and Federal Reserve, B) Supply shocks from a global pandemic and war, C) Millennials, for reasons. Remember, there is only *one* correct answer
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Despite the free company guns and all the leftover racism you can take home to share, Homeland Security ranks last in its category of best places to work for the government
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11% of law students had suicidal thoughts in 2021. They'll look back on this as the good times once they graduate and start their soul-crushing work as lawyers
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Regions Bank drops the ball on really the wrong-person-to-piss-off's trust accounts
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Breaker breaker, Fled Cruz, it looks like we got a convoy of buses shooting by your house
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It's okay everybody, JFK Jr. is still alive and will help Trump save the world
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| Thu July 14, 2022 |
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And you were upset about pineapple on the pizza?
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Rue the day? Who talks like that
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A third of budtenders puffed, puffed, and passed
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"Experts" pick winners for every NFL division. Select Chargers over Chiefs (or Raiders), and 49ers over Rams. Experts, I tell you
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After getting Joe Manchin on their side for the reconciliation bill, Dems now have to worry about House centrists plotting to snatch the football
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Homeowner loves the look of her new kitchen after the builders turned up at the 'wrong house' and renovated it (possible nsfw content on page)
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FBI: American Citizens should worry about EVERTHING this summer
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The cost of commuting is up 60 percent in Pittsburgh. Even worse, it still begins and ends in Pittsburgh
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DC woman has her car's wheels stolen for the third time in recent months. That must be awfully tiring
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Unity, two weeks ago: We're running low on money, and have to lay off a bunch of employees. Unity, today: We're going to spend a bunch on buying out another company
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Third arrest made in election fraud scandal. Why yes, they are all Trumpers
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| Tue July 12, 2022 |
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10% of GoPuff goes poof
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NFTs are going to be the next Disney just without the compelling product, the intellectual property, or the positive user experience
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Trump's own sycophants are limiting his free speech
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R. Kelly engaged to one of his victims, who hasn't learned prison relationships never work
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Kentucky to end 2022 with budget surplus; rumors of "Mother of all Fark Parties" in Lexington yet to be denied or confirmed
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The TikittyToks are are a bastion of fast fashion, or fastshion, if you will
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If you own a car or SUV made by Honda, you don't need to bother locking it anymore
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Jaguars QB Trevor Lawrence expects 2022 to be different because he's no longer living in a subUrban environment
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Your morning, "Oh well, anyway"
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OF COURSE Big Bezos is tracking you on Prime Day, but it's even more insidious than you thought (tag for OBVIOUS reasons)
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Cryptocurrency analyst says only 'one in 10 to survive' the biggest crash in Bitcoin history. Good thing Subby has his money behind pork bellies
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Today's Lake Mead discovery: a WWII landing craft
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Frickin' laser beams
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