headlines found matching 'Florida' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Fri May 15, 2020 |
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Courteous but stupid, would not play again
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Officer please, you know it's hot out here. I just wanted to go for a drive and air my penis out
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F-22 crashes in Florida. Pilot ejected and has been recovered safely. Fortunately it was for routine training mission and not on a vanity health care fly by
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Food sales, food shortages, food excesses, weird food flavors, and of course Florida Man are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 26-May 2: Dead Chunk of Tree Edition
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Typically, if you lose a leg while surfing, just say it's gone, man, let it go. Not Florida Man
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Florida man wanted for drawing gun in grocery store. Fark: The man is described as wearing blue gloves and a blue face mask
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| Wed May 13, 2020 |
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Red Lobster's microwave unable to meet demand
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Another thing that's opening early? Hurricane Season
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Country fair food is coming to the drive-thru window this summer, because sometimes you just gotta have a funnel cake, fried pickle, or cheese on a stick
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How do you scare a blee? BLUE-BEES (with pics)
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First, you get the syphillis. Then, you get the hallucinations. Then, you get the Florida villa. Then, you get the death. Then, you get dozens of movies and Fark headlines misattributing fictional gangsters' quotes to you
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Mortgage apps rose for the fourth straight week, up 11% because who doesn't want to move during a pandemic and lockdown?
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| Wed April 29, 2020 |
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Orange County Florida makes it obvious that they are a county in name only and what they really are, is, in fact , Disney's biatch
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Private First Class Neiro of the First Imaginary Army of Florida Men taken down by K9 after refusing to step away from his dropped firearm. No word on whether he could distinguish between his rifle and his gun
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Only one state has earned a grade of 'F' in terms of social distancing activity. Only one Southern state, just one state, Wait, it's not Florida? The hell?
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After furloughing 95% of their workforce, SeaWorld is trying to get a federal loan meant to help retain workers, either in bid to keep that last 5% or just to try to get a different flavor of outrage going after Blackfish
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Florida state government just put the muzzle on its coroners releasing more-accurate COVID-19 death totals
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On this week's episode of Fark and Schnitt, Drew and Todd get down to the bottom of the nation-wide French Fry shortage. Plus a deep dive on the Florida Man who told Trump it was OK to drink bleach and the current media meta on Schrödinger's Kim Jung Un
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MLB hopeful that fans could return to stadiums, albeit, probably having to practice social distancing, sometime this summer. Not a problem say the Mets
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| Wed April 22, 2020 |
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This might come as a shock, but a star of 'Shark Tank' tried to sell N95 protective masks to Florida at a very inflated price
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Aquarium makes breakthrough that could help save third largest coral reef in the world. However, being Florida, they'll find a way to screw it up
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Florida man builds golf course in his backyard. He still doesn't have a handicap yet, but he might get one from his wife if he hits ball near the windows
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Former mayor of Tallahassee found in incoherent state. In other words, Florida
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Doctors say that execution drugs could help COVID-19 patients...because when you're dead you don't have the virus anymore?
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"76 percent say that the state's economy should only reopen when public health officials deem it safe, compared to 17 percent who say it should reopen even if public health officials warn against it". Difficulty: Florida voters
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Yes, I've furloughed all my Mar-A-Lago workers but, don't worry, they'll be back to work in a week because I'm out of my mind
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This is the equivalent of having Boss Hogg, Roscoe, and Enos manage your state's future
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Gov. DeSantis during first Re-Open Florida Task Force meeting: "Those predictions have been false. Our work is succeeding. We have flattened the curve." Amazing what can take place in just 3 weeks, huh?
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| Mon April 13, 2020 |
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Southern Governors Argue Covid-19 Good Christian Virus That Wouldn't Dare Spread During Church
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Gov. DeSantis endorses hand sanitizer not approved by CDC for COVID-19. At this rate, he'll kill off so many constituents, FL GOP will have fewer members than Green Party
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"As deputies took him into custody, Florida Man, threatened them and then coughed and blew at them from the back of a patrol car, saying, "I hope you die. I hope you catch corona. I hope the coronavirus, I hope it latches on to you,"
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Gov. DeSantis embroiled in scandal over cover-up of information about missing cats and bouillabaisseball
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Even if you can afford a house right now, no one will sell you one
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Just when you thought it couldn't get worse. Trump Supporters Are Breaking Quarantine To "Trigger The Libs"
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Because you're run by a Floridumbass?
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50 cent horse racing longshot bet pays out $524,966 at Gulfstream Park in Florida. What are the odds of that?
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| Fri April 10, 2020 |
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Florida Man places thousands of dollars in fake pizza orders for NJ cops, runs one pizza parlor out of business
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COVID-19 causes Florida's vegetables to perish unpicked on the fields while human vegetables perish at their ventilators in the hospitals
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Hard to believe that something this catchy wasn't already trademarked
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Miami-Dade leaders imply Cuba might be weaponizing the coronavirus and exporting it to Miami. Where were you during the Cuban Coronavirus Missile Crisis?
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No time like a pandemic to realign MLB divisions
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Florida is spending up to $100 million to back up its unemployment website, so they must be answering lots of calls, right? Nope. 1% of calls were answered in 1 week
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Florida resident Brian Borruso is suing Tiger Woods and HOF caddy Joe LaCava for pushing him while taking a selfie. (Regretful incident selfie and video included)
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New York state now has more coronavirus cases than any single country outside the USA. [FACEPALM] tag quarantined after touching its face, [FAIL] tag is at an anti-shutdown protest, and [FLORIDA] is nervously sweating at the community senior center
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This story has everything: Angry dad in local news ✔. Pot Noodle ✔. Street blockade ✔. Standoff with bin men ✔. Googling recycling ✔. Flame war in the comments section ✔. Florida ✖.... Okay, almost everything
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Governor mulling over opening schools because 'Coronavirus doesn't seem to threaten kids'. Yup, Florida
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Barr has been silent recently because he was too busy earning his PhD in epidemiology
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Governor DeSantis included golf courses as "essential businesses" like grocery stores, pharmacies. Unlike those establishments though, social distancing remains optional on fairways, club houses
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| Thu April 02, 2020 |
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Mayo Clinic is hoping to kill fewer people with self-driving vehicles than have the coronavirus
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Since the season's going to be cancelled anyway, Yankees starting pitcher Masahiro Tanaka sees no reason to hang out in a third world hell-hole while the Coronavirus is raging, takes his family and leaves FL to go back to Japan
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Of course it only took a couple days for someone to go and Florida up a virtual classroom
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Trump Crime Syndicate begging Palm Beach County and international mob financiers Deustche Bank for money
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Andy Dalton does not expect them to eat *his* face
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While even the POPE has essentially cancelled Easter, the governors of TX and Florida have decided that Religious Services are "essential' business and have exempted them from quarantine orders. St. Covid the Destroyer nods approvingly
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HOA realizes it's not CDC, backs down on demanding members reveal COVID status
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HOAs gotta HOA
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Nikki Fried, Democrat, Florida's Agricultural Commissioner, finally taught Ron DeSantis, Republican, Florida's Governor, sanity
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Trump resists national stay-at-home order to stem the spread of COVID-19, leaving it up to the individual states. Failure has fifty scapegoats, but success has one Daddy
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Hawaii 5-0oo$
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"Stay the Hell out of large church services right now," says Godless heathen Mike Pence
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| Mon March 30, 2020 |
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Tonight on RAW: Brock Lesner returns for one last promo before WM 36. Undertaker reacts to AJ's "Boneyard Match", Edge states why he will be the last man standing vs Orton & Becky hopes Shayna isn't a ninja. All this & more starting at 8 PM ET on USA
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No, they don't close Florida. But, they're stopping people at the border before letting them in
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Florida Governor Ron Desantis (R-ed Hat) socially distances nasty reporters from press conference
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God releases statement supporting Florida sheriff, condemning idiot pastor
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"It didn't take much of a sales pitch"
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Florida sets up civil war prison camp to house the homeless during pandemic
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And now for something completely different: world's biggest spleen removed from man in Florida
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If you think 200,000 dead means you did a "good job," you're either Jim Jones or a psychopath
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CDC: "Please stay home and don't be around other people." Florida: "Remember who you're talking to here"
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Redoing the top 10 picks from the 2006 NHL draft, when there were only six teams
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Deputies investigate Florida church for acting like it's in Florida
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Typhoid Trump's dipshiats are now going to start blaming New York for the orange plague, and not, you know, the people that spent the first 3 months of the year calling it all a hoax
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Old and busted: Drug sniffing dogs. New hotness: Child porn sniffing dogs
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Stephen King points out he wrote The Stand over 40 years ago, so why wasn't America better prepared?
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