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headlines found matching 'Florida'
Thu May 28, 2020
(USA Today)
 
 
 
This will probably not shock you, but the head of UFC is an asshole. At least he knows how to take advice from smarter people
source: mmajunkie.usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Motley Fool)
 
 
 
There's sales at Penney's ("repeat" tag still WFH)
source: fool.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man locked in suitcase for 11 hours becomes carrion luggage
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Fort Myers police sacrifice their precious Krispy Kreme donuts to lure a black bear away from city streets
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 27, 2020
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Florida Man, in the foyer, with the handgun
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Trump's 2016 top campaign brass, Corey Lewandowski and David Bossie, warn he's in trouble for the 2020 election, won't be so metal in swing states
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida angles to host pro sports, political conventions, possibly acute outbreaks of disease
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wordpress)
 
 
 
One minute you're walking into a south Florida federal courthouse to file a lawsuit that will change everything about the unconstitutional power grab, and the next minute a doctor is telling you that you have the biggest hernia ever and cancer too
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
White House Press Secretary sure likes voting by mail for someone that claims to hate voting by mail
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Governor files federal appeal to overturn popular will and reinstate unconstitutional poll tax
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Newspaper)
 
 
 
Private toll roads want a bailout. How about seizing them by eminent domain while they're worthless?
source: thenewspaper.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ladders)
 
 
 
Because he knows the time is short / Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast
source: theladders.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 26, 2020
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
This quarantine has got some people climbing the walls, and in Florida it goes double for the alligators
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
People who say they didn't care what toppings are on the pizza angry that pineapple was picked
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Food.com)
 
 
 
Subs tried making Sunday gravy and the results were 'meh'. Any tricks for future attempts?
source: food.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 25, 2020
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Things you can catch at a party: 1) COVID-19; 2) lead poisoning
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The US Sun)
 
 
 
Things seem to be returning to normal, as shootings break out at FL and SC beaches
source: the-sun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Florida man arrested for forcing teen to drive him and his lady past coronavirus checkpoint
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 29 Philadelphia)
 
 
 
In the time of COVID-19, Florida people do Memorial Day weekend as you expect Florida people to do
source: fox29.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 24, 2020
(ESPN)
 
 
 
GOAT's pants split, leading to birdie shot
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man charged after runaway toddler seen on highway. That's no laughing matter, you gotta chain those suckers down or someone could get hurt
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
In a major victory, a federal judge just struck down Florida's pay-to-vote system
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Wanna watch a Sheriff get arrested after refusing to cooperate with a search warrant and forcing a SWAT standoff (including snipers) of the Sheriffs HQ by several neighboring departments? Almost Florida level fun
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 23, 2020
(All Elite Wrestling)
 
 
 
Can the Elite end the threat of the Inner Circle once and for all? Will Moxley get his belt back from Mr. Brodie Lee? Who will be the 1st-ever TNT Champion? AEW Double or Nothing starts LIVE @ 7:30 PM ET on PPV, B/R Live, & FITE.tv
source: allelitewrestling.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Susan Smith 2.0
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Remember all that voter fraud Trump went on and on about in 2018? Believe it or not, it never happened
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Curbed)
 
 
 
What you really need to survive Florida is your own private water park
source: curbed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Senator Rick Scott vs. Governor Ron DeSantis are already sizing each other up for the 2024 Presidential nomination
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 22, 2020
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Move over, Florida Man: Georgia Man charged with faking COVID-19 diagnosis, panicking co-workers and costing employer over $100K
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Hertz really should have bought that supplemental insurance policy. Goodbye, Hertz
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
No coronavirus catastrophes following reopenings of Georgia, Florida and Texas, despite a steady rise of cases in Texas, playing around with numbers in Florida and Georgia ... oh you don't want to know about Georgia
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Taunton school principal arrested for driving 110 mph under the influence. And you thought they smelled bad on the outside
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Surfs up Florida. Looks like you're catching a gnarly wave, bro
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News and Guts)
 
 
 
Expecto Covidoso
source: newsandguts.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 21, 2020
(AP News)
 
 
 
Stabbed through the heart, and you're to blame, you give loons a bad name
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Well, how would you like to coach Tom Brady? "Try throwing a little more off your back foot, and your balls could have more zip if you follow-through with your shoulder"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
When you've got Jesus Christ pulling a knife in the Dollar Store and then, in the very next article, the successful defusing of a penis glitter bomb, one might think one was in Florida. One might think
source: forestparkreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
"Ad hominem attacks can take the form of overtly attacking somebody, or more subtly casting doubt on their character or personal attributes as a way to undermine someone's case without actually having to engage with it"
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Even something as simple as paint can coax middle-aged white men to fight like toddlers
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
'The South is gonna rise again.' Fark: In COVID-19 cases
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 20, 2020
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Nurse, son develop unique, Florida-themed protective mask that's a hit with medical staff
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Answer: "Gov. DeSantis. Open our bars. We need our life back." Question: When do protest signs send wrong messages about protesters?
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Review)
 
 
 
Rich Lowry of NRO wonders why Florida Governor Ron DeSantis hasn't gotten his participation trophy for skewing his state's death toll. It's like taking a shortcut to the one-mile mark in a coronavirus ultramarathon
source: nationalreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC 2 Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Florida man who dove into Bass Pro fish tank posts "profanity-laced confession to Facebook"
source: nbc-2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Analysis has 9% of Trump 2016 voters now planning to vote for Biden, twice the number of Clinton 2016 voters who planned to vote for Trump. No need to vote now as Biden clearly has this wrapped up
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Ron DeSantis says it's "no big deal" to manipulate data in order to make your death tolls look better than they are
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Tom Brady, meet the Federal Trade Commission. FTC, Tom Brady. You two have a lot to talk about
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
3,000 partygoers at Florida block party claim it was racially targeted by authorities, not just full of stupid partygoers
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Apparently Air Force pilots deployed to Eglin AFB in Florida for a sufficient time period become Florida Man and forget how to fly their $150m aircraft
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 19, 2020
(MSN)
 
 
 
What the hell Missouri maybe next time try a rum and coke
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NFL)
 
 
 
Tom Brady, prepper
source: nfl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida man said he was an Army hero, MIT professor and bitcoin millionaire with top secret clearance. Florida company hired him without checking
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Was the phrase "boiling toothpaste" used in a headline about: (a) a mishap at a Crest factory, (b) Florida Woman v. Florida Man's genitals, or (c) Martian mud volcanoes
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 12 West Palm Beach)
 
 
 
Rebekah Jones, the woman who designed Florida's COVID-19 dashboard, was removed from her position because she was ordered to censor some data, but refused to "manually change data to drum up support for the plan to reopen"
source: cbs12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Miami-area Indian casino reopens figuring Floridians will be willing to gamble with their money and their health
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 18, 2020
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Woman charged with setting fire to home over missing towel, not being a hoopy frood
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
32 year old woman trying to kiss strangers calls 911 to complain the bar she was at wasn't properly social distancing
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Total Pro Sports)
 
 
 
Shockingly, none of the attendees of the illegal dice game want to cooperate with the police
source: totalprosports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
In Florida, 83% of those who died from COVID-19 virus were 65, older. In other news, estate sale bargains are through the roof
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
State and Federal data on Covid-19 aren't jiving, just like Rick Dees in the 70s
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
The president opens up on live television to the pain he feels during this crisis
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 17, 2020
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Some people had no problem filing for unemployment
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Gov. DeSantis: "Well, it's your own stupid fault for getting unemployed in teh first place"
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 16, 2020
(War is Boring)
 
 
 
Dumbass nearly takes out Blue Angels getting up close video with his drone
source: warisboring.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
A man who used God as his anti-viral protection learns his lesson
source: patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Subtropical storm Arthur has 80% chance of forming Round Table of Doom this weekend
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Trump is in trouble in America's wang, and not even penicillin will help this time
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Gee, eyes Joe
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 15, 2020
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Courteous but stupid, would not play again
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Busted Coverage)
 
 
 
Officer please, you know it's hot out here. I just wanted to go for a drive and air my penis out
source: bustedcoverage.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US Air Force)
 
 
 
F-22 crashes in Florida. Pilot ejected and has been recovered safely. Fortunately it was for routine training mission and not on a vanity health care fly by
source: eglin.af.mil   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Food sales, food shortages, food excesses, weird food flavors, and of course Florida Man are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 26-May 2: Dead Chunk of Tree Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Typically, if you lose a leg while surfing, just say it's gone, man, let it go. Not Florida Man
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
Florida man wanted for drawing gun in grocery store. Fark: The man is described as wearing blue gloves and a blue face mask
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 14, 2020
(CarBuzz)
 
 
 
It's a gas station in Florida. this likely wasn't even the strangest thing that happened there on that night
source: carbuzz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Two Florida skydivers tandemed their way into a tree. Wiley Coyote seen lurking nearby
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 13, 2020
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Red Lobster's microwave unable to meet demand
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Another thing that's opening early? Hurricane Season
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Food and Wine)
 
 
 
Country fair food is coming to the drive-thru window this summer, because sometimes you just gotta have a funnel cake, fried pickle, or cheese on a stick
source: foodandwine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Disclose.tv)
 
 
 
How do you scare a blee? BLUE-BEES (with pics)
source: disclose.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
First, you get the syphillis. Then, you get the hallucinations. Then, you get the Florida villa. Then, you get the death. Then, you get dozens of movies and Fark headlines misattributing fictional gangsters' quotes to you
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Mortgage apps rose for the fourth straight week, up 11% because who doesn't want to move during a pandemic and lockdown?
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 12, 2020
(Insider)
 
 
 
Suspicious looking man with a large flat screen TV jogs for two miles with nothing happening to him. Of course he was white
source: insider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Let's open up the beaches, I'm sure everyone will follow social distancing rules. Darwin: challenge accepted
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Donald Trump just learned if he and Pence become incapacitated Nancy Pelosi would be acting president and he's scared. Also Cold Case should investigate Scarborough, not sure if he means a TV show or actual police
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
While the United States was concerned with Florida Man liftbro-ing at a gym, this past Saturday striking garbagemen in New Orleans were fired and replaced with prison labor
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 11, 2020
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
No, I did NOT say a Hobbit found Legolas
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
Real estate CEO made $1.6 million in the stock market in 8 days then gave the money to his employees. Spiffy tag short-sells Unlikely tag
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
As he winds down Florida's stay-at-home order while the pandemic continues to rip through the US, we imagine Governor DeSantis standing astride an alligator cage, hollering at the rest of the country to "hold my beer and watch this"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Baptist Preacher called Mother's Day is a 'feminist plague' on our society. He also had called for the murder of Sarah Silverman for not respecting his god. His mother must be so proud of her little man
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Heavy)
 
 
 
Kimberlee frees beach. "This is a power trip, it has nothing to do with the virus." Frees beach
source: heavy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 10, 2020
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
(Florida Man): Oh, you think you're next for potato salad? The Second Amendment says I'M next for potato salad. (Man at the opposite end of Publix draws his gun): Someone's Second Amendment potato salad rights may be at risk
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Herald Mail Media)
 
 
 
In news that will shock absolutely no one, Floridians are going full Florida. You should never go full Florida
source: heraldmailmedia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Florida's reopening resulted in 13,000 pounds of trash left on Cocoa Beach. Jeannie and Major Nelson are outraged
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 09, 2020
(UFC)
 
 
 
Saturday Night MMA: Live Fights are back with UFC 249. Tony Ferguson vs Justin Gaethje and Henry Cejudo vs Dominick Cruz top a stacked card. Fight Pass prelims at 6:30 PM ET, TV prelims on ESPN at 8 PM. PPV main card at 10 PM ET. Semi-virus-free
source: ufc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 08, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Florida decided to reopen parts of the state and you'll never guess what happened next
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WEAR Pensacola)
 
 
 
In other news, Northwest Florida is burning down
source: weartv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Relaxing at home while cooking meth with the kids? It's not Florida Man, its Breaking Bad Monopoly
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Friendly trash talk between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning over upcoming golf tournament is at an All-Pro level
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 07, 2020
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Spotters along the Gulf of Mexico report seeing rare, endangered whale shark doo doo doo doo doo doo
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWLTV New Orleans)
 
 
 
You may want to do a Cartman freeze for this ... Drew Brees vs Tom Brady to open 2020/21 NFL season from New Orleans. Tag is for the NFL ... the world needs this game
source: wwltv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
America once again needs to be labeled a third world country, it's coronavirus recovery is way behind Europe's because of its lame lockdown policies
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
When everyone's been layed off, the rate of layoffs will be zero
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
The nation's lone COVID-19 bright spot is in... wait, seriously?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida man wins guns vs knifes debate
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 06, 2020
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Cadillac attaccackackack
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Florida braces for perfect storm of hurricanes combined with COVID
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
40 years after one of Florida's greatest disasters, two divers have a horrible story to tell
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Jacksonville gonna Jacksonville
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Group called Hemp4Water proposes plan to use hydroponic Hemp in giant floating mats to clean Toxic Algae from Florida waterways. High time I say, Save the Hugh Manatees
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Tua Tagovailoa is number 1
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Firecrotch, booze, cops, stun gun. Degree of difficulty: no Lohan or Florida
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 05, 2020
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Florida so terrible that 72yo woman flees toward Coronavirus hot spot
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palm Beach Post)
 
 
 
Fish aggregating device or big alien hoobaoob from someone's butt?
source: palmbeachpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
After decades of sending money to red states, the disuniter in chief says it is unfair for blue states to want some of their money back for an emergency. So presidential. So much winning
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Colson Whitehead becomes fourth writer ever to win Pulitzer Prize for fiction twice
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1961, Commander Shepard became the first American in space, before going on to command the SSV Normandy and get reconstructed by the Lazarus Project
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
John Cena does something good during the COVID-19 pandemic by making a surprise visit to a 7-year old boy battling cancer. FARK cancer
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Poll: most Americans disbelieve officially reported coronavirus death counts. Difficulty: Republicans think fewer people have died than officially reported
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Disney's magic kingdoms are becoming black holes
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 04, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Miami Beach re-closes park after too many knuckleheads do what Florida knuckleheads do best
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man stabs roommate in attempt to release Satan. Look, the Weekly World News taught me that Satan only escapes through oil wells that reach hell, so don't play those games with me
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Everything you need to know about Phase 1 of reopening Florida. Well, it's the home state of Florida Man, so set Phases on stunning stupidity
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
If your team is the reason you drink, now you have incentive to stay home
source: wfan.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Dolphins reveal plans to host fans at stadium amid coronavirus pandemic: Let them enter in staggered fashion before they all clump together in the beer lines and seating rows
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
Several malls, retail stores in Central Florida to reopen today. In other news, people still go to malls?
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Guess whose NJ gold club reopened this weekend. Come on, guess
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 03, 2020
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Donald Trump has a four-step plan to make as many sacrifices as he is willing to make
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
When I was just a baby, my Mama told me, "Son, always be a good boy. Don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Philly, just to watch him die. And now I'm the sheriff, and people hue and cry
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsflare)
 
 
 
In most places, cars usually drive in a straight line down the highway, but not in Florida
source: newsflare.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 02, 2020
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Some high school graduations will take place at NASCAR tracks, where students literally crossing the finish line to receive their diplomas
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida: Florida man is facing trespassing charges. Dumbass: after security found him camping. Epic: on Walt Disney World's Discovery Island
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 01, 2020
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
"I will not die of stupid." Difficulty: Lives in Florida
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Man arrested for having enough fentanyl to potentially kill more than 500,000 people. That's impressive, even for Florida
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
We're Number 1. We're Number 1
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Small town Florida. Guns. Drugs. Hookers. Mayor #1 arrested. Mayor #2 arrested. Police Chief retires minutes after city counsel member asks about a police "sting" against the current mayor, #3
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
Americans would return to the theaters if proper restrictions were in place
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Gentlemen, start your engines NASCAR to resume with 7 races in 10 days. Darlington opens first race after shutdown - on May 17th. Sorry fans, not you, Crew only
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 30, 2020
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Q - You know how you can tell a Florida man has broken into your home? A - He's still there, curled up on your couch, snacking your foods
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Register)
 
 
 
World crosses its fingers as Florida man takes on HP over its 'rinky dink ink stink'
source: theregister.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHQA Quincy)
 
 
 
Not news: Governor of Illinois issues "stay-at-home" order. News: Is questioned about someone notable violating it. Fark: It's his wife, gone to Florida. Double Fark: Tells reporters to mind their business
source: khqa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bleacher Report)
 
 
 
Football now has it's own R. Kelly
source: bleacherreport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida man gets a DUI, gets released from jail, shaves mustache and goes and gets another DUI
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 29, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Orange County Florida makes it obvious that they are a county in name only and what they really are, is, in fact , Disney's biatch
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Private First Class Neiro of the First Imaginary Army of Florida Men taken down by K9 after refusing to step away from his dropped firearm. No word on whether he could distinguish between his rifle and his gun
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNS Fox 21)
 
 
 
Only one state has earned a grade of 'F' in terms of social distancing activity. Only one Southern state, just one state, Wait, it's not Florida? The hell?
source: foxcarolina.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
After furloughing 95% of their workforce, SeaWorld is trying to get a federal loan meant to help retain workers, either in bid to keep that last 5% or just to try to get a different flavor of outrage going after Blackfish
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AlterNet)
 
 
 
Florida state government just put the muzzle on its coroners releasing more-accurate COVID-19 death totals
source: alternet.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
On this week's episode of Fark and Schnitt, Drew and Todd get down to the bottom of the nation-wide French Fry shortage. Plus a deep dive on the Florida Man who told Trump it was OK to drink bleach and the current media meta on Schrödinger's Kim Jung Un
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
MLB hopeful that fans could return to stadiums, albeit, probably having to practice social distancing, sometime this summer. Not a problem say the Mets
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 28, 2020
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Fark livestream summary of today's news at 7pm eastern. Quite a few science-related Covid stories today didn't get a ton of mainstream attention. Plus UFOs, Brad Pitt, Tom Brady turning into Florida Man, and sheep on trampolines
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida had cleanest air on record last month. Too bad so many residents stopped breathing it
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
For the record, smoking pot with friends isn't a valid reason to ignore COVID-19 stay-at-home orders, even in Florida
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida finally releases number of COVID-19 cases at each nursing home and ALF. In related news, Trump to blast WHO later today for helping Melmac spread virus
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Tom Brady is already transforming into Florida Man
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Four out of ten deemed ineligible. Florida: We're not telling you why, have a nice day
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Creative Loafing Tampa)
 
 
 
Good news: There is a drive in movie theater showing first run movies. Bad news: You have to go to one particular state
source: cltampa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WINK Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Because if there's one thing we need right now in Florida, it's landfalling hurricanes
source: winknews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 27, 2020
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man arrested for murder after police find body in suitcase, proving once again that if you want to embark on a life of crime, you should get rid of your baggage first
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Power line falls and sets gas line on fire. Not a Godzilla movie, just Florida
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami New Times)
 
 
 
Florida woman would like you to know that she's "not a moron" after her impression of moron who supports reopening beaches was too realistic
source: miaminewtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Not having access to Trump's high caliber dog breeders, DeSantis appeals to the public for help
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Welcome mat: "Come back with a warrant." Florida deputies: "Okay"
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
DeSantis states what everybody knows, people just go to Florida to die
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 26, 2020
(Politico)
 
 
 
While millions of out-of-work Americans went hungry and food banks were running short of food, Trump's USDA let millions of pounds of meat rot
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Driving on closed beach "out of boredom" doesn't merit any exceptions, Wannabe Florida Man
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 25, 2020
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Not News: Warnings of Road Rage in Florida. Fark: from gators
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jacksonville.com)
 
 
 
As Jacksonville moves to retake the crown as The Murder Capital of Florida, the Sheriff talks to a reporter in what sounds like a scene from The Wire
source: jacksonville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 24, 2020
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Police investigate girl's 'Help' sign on window; the solution adds up
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Texas expected to be the next Lone Star on the reopening/reinfection list
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
You know who DOESN'T want the beaches open in Florida? Most Floridians
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Florida lawyer is traveling around newly-opened Florida beaches dressed as the Grim Reaper
source: god.dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Grocery store chain Publix buys surplus food, milk from farmers, donates all to Feeding America across Southeast US
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Only in Florida would a fight break out over who gets to hand out free food for the impoverished
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 23, 2020
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida woman arrested for spitting chewed food into fruit bins, earning a $15,000 bail and lifelong membership into the Legion of Evil as 'The Masticator'
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Biden is leading Trump by four in the land of idiocy
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Lead)
 
 
 
Never one to be outdone, Tom Brady is giving Floridaman a run for his money
source: thebiglead.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 22, 2020
(Page Six)
 
 
 
This might come as a shock, but a star of 'Shark Tank' tried to sell N95 protective masks to Florida at a very inflated price
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Aquarium makes breakthrough that could help save third largest coral reef in the world. However, being Florida, they'll find a way to screw it up
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida man builds golf course in his backyard. He still doesn't have a handicap yet, but he might get one from his wife if he hits ball near the windows
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Former mayor of Tallahassee found in incoherent state. In other words, Florida
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Doctors say that execution drugs could help COVID-19 patients...because when you're dead you don't have the virus anymore?
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quinnipiac University)
 
 
 
"76 percent say that the state's economy should only reopen when public health officials deem it safe, compared to 17 percent who say it should reopen even if public health officials warn against it". Difficulty: Florida voters
source: poll.qu.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Yes, I've furloughed all my Mar-A-Lago workers but, don't worry, they'll be back to work in a week because I'm out of my mind
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
This is the equivalent of having Boss Hogg, Roscoe, and Enos manage your state's future
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Gov. DeSantis during first Re-Open Florida Task Force meeting: "Those predictions have been false. Our work is succeeding. We have flattened the curve." Amazing what can take place in just 3 weeks, huh?
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 21, 2020
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Unemployment claims filed in Florida since March 15: 1,500,000. Workers who have received payment: 40,193. Market value of diamonds squeezed from coal by Gov. DeSantis' sphincter: Priceless
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Journalist Jeff Weiner reports Austin Gillespie aka Augutus Sol Invictus ordered his wife to bring their kids to Dickson Azalea Park ― "or else." What a cock
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida among slowest states to process virus unemployment claims, hopes problem will solve itself
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Minnesota Man auditions for part of Florida Man; steals snacks and has a shoot out with police from his getaway raft
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Will Fark lose 70% of its stories due to the climate crisis?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Tom Brady decides to cheat on quarantines, too
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 20, 2020
(Air Force Times)
 
 
 
Florida Man: "I haven't made the news lately, wonder what I could do about that? Hmmm, that TJ Maxx looks promising"
source: airforcetimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Florida's recent pneumonia death statistics suggest Coronavirus appeared earlier, and has been much deadlier, than state officials admit
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(First Coast News)
 
 
 
The beaches of Jacksonville were not overrun with Florida People this weekend. We now return you to your 24/7 LOL REDNECKS meme-programming already in progress
source: firstcoastnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Social Darwinism "takes hold coast to coast". Reality: in 1/10 of the states
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
Bad: Jacksonville Beach in Florida reopens for Darwin's Spring Break. Good: Cops patrolling beach catch man wanted for homicide in Pennsylvania
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 19, 2020
(Fark)
 
 
 
Really old stuff, really expensive stuff, some geography, and Florida Woman are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 5-11: Wildlife Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
While we humans are anxious to get back to relative normal, sea turtles are happy with things right now
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 18, 2020
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Not to be outdone by Florida, the beaches in California begin to reopen too
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Florida beaches are packed 26 minutes after re-opening, because of course they are
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
You might laugh at Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, but he's just a regular guy like all of us and puts his pants on over his head like everyone else
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Texas decides to rebrand itself as West Florida, can't test at a proper pace but eff it, let's open 'er up anyway
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Is it too late to rename Covid-19 the "Florida Flu"?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Usually you have to have a settlement and an NDA to get $15,000 a month out of Trump
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 17, 2020
(MSN)
 
 
 
Barkley leans in favor of canceling 2020 NBA season, ridicules knuckleheads, fools, and idiots who.send out turrible ideas for resuming play in months-long Florida or Vegas bubble
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Rules don't apply to Matt Gaetz
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The Florida tag. Is there no end to its uses?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Good news everyone. Florida has cut some red tape and sent out unemployment payments to 33,623 people. Out of 800,000+ that have successfully applied. And the website is still Farked. Yep, we're boned
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Local small business Ruth's Chris steakhouse gets a generous 20 million to help during these trying times, or a national chain that sells overpriced steaks takes money meant for small businesses
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Jacksonville's beaches to reopen says newly elected mayor Larry Vaughn
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 16, 2020
(YardBarker)
 
 
 
Pac spends big money in Florida, gets the WWE declared an essential business. How a former WWF Light Heavyweight Champion got that kind of spending cash, we'll never know
source: yardbarker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
How do you plan to handle the nursing home covid crisis, Gov. de Santis? Prevent the families from suing for negligence, obviously
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Despite the devastation wrought in the entertainment industry by the Coronavirus, Seaworld rewards its employees with almost $7 million in bonuses. Well, six employees to be precise, it laid off 90% of the other 16,700 people it employs
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBTV 3 Charlotte)
 
 
 
Florida Man rejects the idea that furloughing prisoners during the COVID-19 pandemic will save lives
source: wbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 15, 2020
(My Panhandle)
 
 
 
Two Florida Panhandle doctors arrested for trying to battle dangerous infestation that is destroying the country
source: mypanhandle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
"The rich have fled New York City. I'm sick of being told that I need to stay, because I want to escape too." Sorry toots, you should have become rich before the outbreak, what were you thinking?
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Two days after being declared essential, the WWE is eliminating its lower and middle card. Boo Boo Boo, You Know It
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
NJ Man crashes Florida online kindergarten music class. Fark: it was Jon Bon Jovi
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Ledger)
 
 
 
Trump adds 560 more people to his unemployment numbers
source: theledger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
"BAH GAWD, KING The economy is about to get a steel chair to the face"
source: heelbynature.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida officials won't say which nursing homes have COVID-19. Asinine tag being brought home to die alone in family's den
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 14, 2020
(MSN)
 
 
 
Judge on Mike Huckabee's lawsuit to open up beaches following coronavirus lockdown: that dog won't hunt
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Smithsonian Magazine)
 
 
 
Shel Silverstein's houseboat is up for sale. You can find it where the sidewalk ends
source: smithsonianmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
Modern problems require old solutions: we're going back to the drive-in theaters, and not just to watch movies
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida Surgeon General recommends Floridians stay away from each other to avoid coronavirus, winding up on Fark's main page
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Now do Florida, but get ready to pixelate the results
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Private island that is one of the richest zip codes in the country is having no problem getting COVID-19 tests for its residents
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
"And the resurrection of Jesus after three days in a tomb blessed us on the first Easter Sunday. And with God's forgiveness, all of mankind would benefit, except the Jets, and their stinking inability to make successful trades"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Florida, Pants still optional
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Nobel Prize-winning scientist Dr. Roger Stone has discovered the origin of coronavirus: Bill Gates created it in order to microchip people
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Florida's Surgeon General has now been quarantined from Governor DeSantis' cabinet
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
I'm litigatin' it
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Uproxx)
 
 
 
Sunday: Subby jokes about WWE thinking of itself as an essential business. Monday: Florida declares that WWE is an essential business. Never change Florida, never change
source: uproxx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Cops don't buy man's story that his estranged wife got the 'rona and died since A) There is no body B) There are no medical records showing she was ever treated for the virus and C) a neighbor heard screams at her house just before she disappeared
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 13, 2020
(The Onion)
 
 
 
Southern Governors Argue Covid-19 Good Christian Virus That Wouldn't Dare Spread During Church
source: politics.theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
Gov. DeSantis endorses hand sanitizer not approved by CDC for COVID-19. At this rate, he'll kill off so many constituents, FL GOP will have fewer members than Green Party
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Miami)
 
 
 
"As deputies took him into custody, Florida Man, threatened them and then coughed and blew at them from the back of a patrol car, saying, "I hope you die. I hope you catch corona. I hope the coronavirus, I hope it latches on to you,"
source: miami.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Gov. DeSantis embroiled in scandal over cover-up of information about missing cats and bouillabaisseball
source: amp.miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(No good deeds)
 
 
 
Even if you can afford a house right now, no one will sell you one
source: thehustle.co   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some StayAtHome Guy)
 
 
 
Just when you thought it couldn't get worse. Trump Supporters Are Breaking Quarantine To "Trigger The Libs"
source: trofire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Because you're run by a Floridumbass?
source: amp.miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
50 cent horse racing longshot bet pays out $524,966 at Gulfstream Park in Florida. What are the odds of that?
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 12, 2020
(MSN)
 
 
 
The cost of not shutting down Florida's Spring Break has started being tallied
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Police chief on administrative leave after berating officers over COVID-19 concerns, claiming deputy sheriff died from virus because he was "homosexual who attended homosexual 'sexual' events"
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
It's a furlough after all, Corona virus hurts us all, Y'all go home 'til the fall, It's a furlough after all
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Essential businesses in Florida during the pandemic: grocery stores, pharmacies, and live televised wrestling for the masses
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palm Beach Post)
 
 
 
Donald J Trump is a broke biatch
source: palmbeachpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 11, 2020
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Famine, fires, floods, earthquakes, even the occasional volcanic eruption. What else could go wrong during a pandemic? Florida tag: hold my beer, I got the answer to this question
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 10, 2020
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Florida Man places thousands of dollars in fake pizza orders for NJ cops, runs one pizza parlor out of business
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJRT)
 
 
 
COVID-19 causes Florida's vegetables to perish unpicked on the fields while human vegetables perish at their ventilators in the hospitals
source: abc12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Hard to believe that something this catchy wasn't already trademarked
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami New Times)
 
 
 
Miami-Dade leaders imply Cuba might be weaponizing the coronavirus and exporting it to Miami. Where were you during the Cuban Coronavirus Missile Crisis?
source: miaminewtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
No time like a pandemic to realign MLB divisions
source: amp.usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida is spending up to $100 million to back up its unemployment website, so they must be answering lots of calls, right? Nope. 1% of calls were answered in 1 week
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sports Illustrated)
 
 
 
Florida resident Brian Borruso is suing Tiger Woods and HOF caddy Joe LaCava for pushing him while taking a selfie. (Regretful incident selfie and video included)
source: si.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
New York state now has more coronavirus cases than any single country outside the USA. [FACEPALM] tag quarantined after touching its face, [FAIL] tag is at an anti-shutdown protest, and [FLORIDA] is nervously sweating at the community senior center
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Bolton News)
 
 
 
This story has everything: Angry dad in local news ✔. Pot Noodle ✔. Street blockade ✔. Standoff with bin men ✔. Googling recycling ✔. Flame war in the comments section ✔. Florida ✖.... Okay, almost everything
source: theboltonnews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Governor mulling over opening schools because 'Coronavirus doesn't seem to threaten kids'. Yup, Florida
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Barr has been silent recently because he was too busy earning his PhD in epidemiology
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
Governor DeSantis included golf courses as "essential businesses" like grocery stores, pharmacies. Unlike those establishments though, social distancing remains optional on fairways, club houses
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 09, 2020
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Just appeal to your landlord's sense of decency as you enjoy a huge wish-sandwich while your unemployment benefits continue to not arrive
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Michigan and Florida are swing states that are seeing COVID-19 infections, whose electoral votes will swing thanks to Trump's relationship with their respective governors. Also, subby learned that there's a MI polling organization run by Bernie Porn
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Mountains of current food waste to soon be juxtaposed against the inevitable shortages to come
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Milk baths...FOR EVERYONE
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Classical art, European politics, and Florida Man under quarantine are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, March 29 - April 4: House Arrest Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
More on the PPE seizures. In a nutshell: The feds have altered the deal. Pray they don't alter it any further
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
2019, Kyler Murray chooses NFL over MLB; 2002, Pat Tillman chooses Army over NFL; 1968, Bo Belinsky chooses Playboy bunny over MLB
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 08, 2020
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
37 things that could only happen In Florida. Still true despite date of story. Farkers can probably add to that number
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida Man sets up front-yard wrestling ring for pandemic matches. Police respond
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Help, HELP)
 
 
 
Duke Energy, Florida Power & Light, and Gulf Power Co. plan to use savings from lower-than-expected fuel costs to lower utility bills so the lights should still be on when Florida man gets home from the unemployment office sometime next month
source: midfloridanewspapers.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(EarthCam)
 
 
 
For those of you who have watched every single thing on Netflix, how bout a few dozen zoo cams to choose from?
source: earthcam.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Closed restaurants means mountains of farm products are rotting in the fields
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Zoo Miami saves face, shows off cwouded weopard kittens
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Florida residents show us why there's a Florida tag, risk getting coronavirus by lining up real tight to get paper applications for unemployment benefits as the state tries to fix problems with online filing
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Disney may check visitors' temperatures when their parks reopen, might not even charge for the experience
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 07, 2020
(The New Yorker)
 
 
 
National incompetence stockpiles at full capacity
source: newyorker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Hospital charges over $300 for a virus test on a weekend when free public testing sites are closed. Florida man will have to rob more than one liquor store to raise that kind of cash
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
A woman and her 61-year-old father were hit in the head with a baseball bat after approaching a large group of college-age people and warning them about social distancing. It's the Florida way
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Finally, Florida makes the news for a non-Farkworthy reason
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Brands, t-shirt makers rush to trademark phrases associated with coronavirus pandemic. "A Florida man wants to sell "COVID-19 Baby" onesies nine months from now"
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 06, 2020
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Bored? Try a game of Florida Neighborhood Scavenger Hunt Bingo. Needs squares for Bath Salts Homeless Guy and Random Thing on Fire
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
John Oliver slams Jared Kushner, the "alt-right Pinocchio," for his stockpile comments; "It's not your stockpile. It's a national stockpile for use by the United States you f*cking moron, and I pray you never show your polished, f*cking face again"
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Civil Rights Movement)
 
 
 
Marco Rubio told off live on-air trying to spin De Santis's horrific Coronavirus misstep
source: thenewcivilrightsmovement.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Floridians don't trust Trump, are willing to vote Biden over Trump 46-40, and yet DeSantis is still seen as doing a good job
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 05, 2020
(NY1)
 
 
 
Rent's due. Fark you, pay me. Virus? Fark you, pay me. Unemployed? Fark you, pay me
source: ny1.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
The world just lost a LOT of base model Dodge Chargers
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 04, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
This is Florida, so we would like to remind you to keep a distance of at least one alligator between yourself and others
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
On the one hand, this is more bad employment news. On the other hand... I believe the Germans call this "schadenfreude"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(South Florida News-Press)
 
 
 
Southwest Florida International Airport has become a real hotspot
source: news-press.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 03, 2020
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Your Zoom chat is protected from everything except naked Florida man, antisemitic Illinois man, and the Chinese government
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
One state spent $77 million creating an unemployment application website but apparently gave the contract to GeoCities: "no system we have can handle 25,000 people a day"
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Should you buy Disney? Yes, yes you should
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 02, 2020
(Venture Beat)
 
 
 
Mayo Clinic is hoping to kill fewer people with self-driving vehicles than have the coronavirus
source: venturebeat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Since the season's going to be cancelled anyway, Yankees starting pitcher Masahiro Tanaka sees no reason to hang out in a third world hell-hole while the Coronavirus is raging, takes his family and leaves FL to go back to Japan
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Of course it only took a couple days for someone to go and Florida up a virtual classroom
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Trump Crime Syndicate begging Palm Beach County and international mob financiers Deustche Bank for money
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cincinnati Enquirer)
 
 
 
Andy Dalton does not expect them to eat *his* face
source: cincinnati.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
While even the POPE has essentially cancelled Easter, the governors of TX and Florida have decided that Religious Services are "essential' business and have exempted them from quarantine orders. St. Covid the Destroyer nods approvingly
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
HOA realizes it's not CDC, backs down on demanding members reveal COVID status
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
HOAs gotta HOA
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Nikki Fried, Democrat, Florida's Agricultural Commissioner, finally taught Ron DeSantis, Republican, Florida's Governor, sanity
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Trump resists national stay-at-home order to stem the spread of COVID-19, leaving it up to the individual states. Failure has fifty scapegoats, but success has one Daddy
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Hawaii 5-0oo$
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Stay the Hell out of large church services right now," says Godless heathen Mike Pence
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 01, 2020
(Quartz)
 
 
 
Cruise ship bookings for 2021 are up 9% on news that cruise ship passengers are dumber than the politics tab at an open bar
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Florida's new stay-at-home order preserve the rights of churchgoers to infect and be infected, thank god
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis decides that, maybe, it's not such a good idea to let all the old people die from a plague by doing nothing
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida Man arrested for trying to infect Hawaii
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Florida governor is gonna Florida man
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
The Calusa Kingdom built a sophisticated polity in pre-Columbian Florida rooted on the abundance of mullets. So not much has changed
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy to states not taking COVID seriously - "I'm not going to put (our residents) through hell and back and flatten that curve, only to have some lowest common denominator throw gasoline on the fire"
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue March 31, 2020
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
They're planning to start arresting Christians in Florida
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
"If an atheist suggested Christians hold a mass gathering in the middle of a pandemic, there would inevitably be conservatives screaming about how we were planning an act of genocide"
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Even in the age of coronavirus, Florida Man is still going to hold gender reveals which cause ten-acre brush fires
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Spirit Airlines is temporarily dropping service to airports including New York's LaGuardia and those in Newark, Hartford, Niagara Falls and Plattsburgh, N.Y.. 10's of riders stranded
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Plague ship begging to dock in Miami, but officials are denying them. Miami apparently has had enough of Cruise Ship pestilence
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis' raging incompetence and Trump sycophancy turned Florida into a COVID19 epicenter. But why take any responsibility when there are New Yorkers to scapegoat?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Florida man sprays bottle of "COVID-19" on businesses, because it's the natural Floridian reaction to the end of the world
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon March 30, 2020
(Wrestling News)
 
 
 
Tonight on RAW: Brock Lesner returns for one last promo before WM 36. Undertaker reacts to AJ's "Boneyard Match", Edge states why he will be the last man standing vs Orton & Becky hopes Shayna isn't a ninja. All this & more starting at 8 PM ET on USA
source: wrestlingnews.co   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCTV Tallahassee)
 
 
 
No, they don't close Florida. But, they're stopping people at the border before letting them in
source: wctv.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
Florida Governor Ron Desantis (R-ed Hat) socially distances nasty reporters from press conference
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inquisitr)
 
 
 
God releases statement supporting Florida sheriff, condemning idiot pastor
source: inquisitr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
"It didn't take much of a sales pitch"
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida sets up civil war prison camp to house the homeless during pandemic
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
And now for something completely different: world's biggest spleen removed from man in Florida
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
If you think 200,000 dead means you did a "good job," you're either Jim Jones or a psychopath
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCJB Gainesville)
 
 
 
CDC: "Please stay home and don't be around other people." Florida: "Remember who you're talking to here"
source: wcjb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hockey News)
 
 
 
Redoing the top 10 picks from the 2006 NHL draft, when there were only six teams
source: thehockeynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Deputies investigate Florida church for acting like it's in Florida
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Typhoid Trump's dipshiats are now going to start blaming New York for the orange plague, and not, you know, the people that spent the first 3 months of the year calling it all a hoax
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Drug sniffing dogs. New hotness: Child porn sniffing dogs
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Stephen King points out he wrote The Stand over 40 years ago, so why wasn't America better prepared?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter