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| Mon August 10, 2020 |
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Take a COVID test? Why not wait for your results by traveling to visit family, not tell anyone about the test, then allow your relative to only use your first initial in the subsequent NYTimes column about your positive results?
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Farewell to the man who defined heavy metal - Martin Birch dead at 71
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2020 takes another major step to destroy humanity. A third Tron movie, starring and produced by Jared Leto, will bring the world to its knees
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Let's check in on the country that provided the warning shot for how bad the pandemic was going to be and see how life is. Bonus: Pence says "Nobody wants to be like" them. We do now
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| (Simturax) |
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Umbrella Academy Season 2 on Netflix: Watch or Skip?
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When your Trump supporting family asks you why we think Trumpets are stupid, read them this thread. They won't read it for themselves (originally by Adam-Troy Castro in October 2018)
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What's up with all the 'step' porn lately?
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Today's prize for the most Covid-19 infected family members as a result of attending a funeral goes to West Virginia with 40+ sick including 5-month old twins
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Today's prize for the most Covid-19 infected family members as a result of attending a funeral goes to West Virginia with 40+ sick including 5-month old twins
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(1) Find out when cousin is getting married (2) book wedding for same day (3) attend cousin's reception and take it over
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The Library of Congress' new "Letters to Lincoln" project includes advice, warnings, a call to shoot deserters, and of course that now-infamous observation that anything can be a dildo if you're brave enough
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The Library of Congress' new "Letters to Lincoln" project includes advice, warnings, a call to shoot deserters, and of course that now-infamous observation that anything can be a dildo if you're brave enough
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Hasta la vista, grandpa will be back
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Who knew that barrels of EVOO were that flammable?
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"My sister-in-law has always been dull and smug; when I got into a car accident, she stepped up the most, let me cry on her shoulder, drove me to my doctor appointments. She and my brother are having trouble; I think I love her. Can I pull it off?"
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Subby once shot an elephant in his pajamas
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Subby once shot an elephant in his pajamas
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Family of seven critically injured in horse and buggy collision. This is not a repeat from 1815
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| Fri August 07, 2020 |
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Ninth Circuit: The government engaged in gross prosecutorial misconduct against the Bundy family, so the lower court was justified in dismissing all charges with prejudice (PDF)
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Trump cutting off WeChat would be a devastating blow to some Chinese families in the US, as US based chat apps are banned there. "A ban would effectively cut off easy communication between millions of families"
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She sits in her hobbit hole in fear at the Shire, Clinging on so tightly as she holds that ring against the fire, But Ye's got other plans and he ain't gonna give a shiat, For when it comes to Biden he keeps on fishsticking it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dracarys
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This one easy trick can have parents begging you to marry their hauntingly beautiful Taiwanese daughter. Difficulty: involves ghosts
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This one easy trick can have parents begging you to marry their hauntingly beautiful Taiwanese daughter. Difficulty: involves ghosts
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But why would a magician want all your family history?
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Anti-maskers explain how it's really about their personal freedom (to endanger and infringe on the freedoms of others)
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Twenty-eight years after being named homecoming king and queen, a couple reconnected on a dating app and found true love with each other
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Rep Scott DesJarlais is the embodiment of Republican hypocrisy: a former doctor who runs as a "pro-family, pro-life" Rep, but had affairs with 6 patients and forced his wife and a mistress to get abortions, wins his primary with 75% of the vote
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Jason Momoa proves he's worth his weight in gold
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Funeral service results in 30 sick and 5 hospitalized after attendees "took their masks off and arranged chairs to sit together." If only there had been some possible way to avoid this
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| Mon August 03, 2020 |
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Rasha Naba Doe-ah Gola Wookiee Nipple Pinchy
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Sweet-N-Low in your tea? Them's fightin' words
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Kate Hudson practicing yoga in her underwear, and there's no one here anymore so...um...how are you? That's good. No I haven't gotten Coronavirus yet, no
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Is it safe to fire up the grill this summer with the family in the back yard? No. The answer is no
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Is it safe to fire up the grill this summer with the family in the back yard? No. The answer is no
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"Five years ago, a friend announced that he was tired of the 9-to-5 and opened a bar after doing some fundraising among friends and family. It was a failure; he was angry, stubborn, and burned bridges. But he wants to try again. Do we intervene?"
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When considering whether or not to reopen schools amid a pandemic, remember that your young children are the most likely to survive, and if they're lucky, they may even have other relatives to take care of them after you die
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When considering whether or not to reopen schools amid a pandemic, remember that your young children are the most likely to survive, and if they're lucky, they may even have other relatives to take care of them after you die
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Florida State House Rep. Randy Fine (R-ona) admitted to hospital over COVID-19 diagnosis
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Linkin Park plan special 20th anniversary event for Hybrid Theory, and in the end isn't that all that matters?
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Caribbean islands of Antigua & Barbuda, St. Kitts & Nevis, and St. Lucia slash the cost of buying citizenship, just in case the 2020 US elections don't go your way. Still way more expensive than Staten Island, though
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Dear Deidre: I have longstanding fetish for my curvy, cheeky sister-in-law, and fondly recall mind-blowing sex I had with her on my wedding night. How can I end this affair? My wife is pregnant with our second kid and doesn't know about our thing
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| Wed July 29, 2020 |
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The comics tv family reunions continue as Daisy meets her mom for the first time again tonight on Marvel's Agents of SHIELD at 10pm eastern on ABC
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In other news, LeBron James won't power down his phone
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Your next trip to Stop-n-Go is going to be a Kwik Trip unless you want to Kum-n-Go, in which case happy endings are still around back
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"Coronary artery disease. Final answer"
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The nation's largest bear ranch is in northern Michigan, caring for dozens of rescued bears in large outdoor habitats. Bonus: you can feed the cubs. Extra bonus: lot of heckin chonker pics in TFA
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Faced with a tight budget, small Kentucky town decides to hire a cheaper-than-a-police-officer social worker. The results are ... [checks notes] ... bad news for private prisons
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"My boss thought he was muted on a Zoom call and had an extremely intimate, X-rated conversation with his girlfriend using voice-to-text on his phone. It lasted for almost a full minute. He keeps apologizing and making it worse. How can I stop him?"
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Who doesn't?
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Who doesn't?
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Thor's wife escapes flooded car through window. No LifeMjölnir™ required
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Thor's wife escapes flooded car through window. No LifeMjölnir™ required
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If at first you don't succeed, better hope you're not skydiving
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Still single, but you would rather not be? Remember there's always hope, like this couple who got engaged, married in their 80s
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Still single, but you would rather not be? Remember there's always hope, like this couple who got engaged, married in their 80s
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"I got pregnant by an abusive man who was eventually arrested; I met my husband when my daughter was two, and he's raised her since. Should I tell her the man she sees as her father really isn't her biological dad?"
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RIP Nissan. No, not that one
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| Fri July 24, 2020 |
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The Stupid Prize store is gonna have to close for restocking at this rate
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| (Some Guy) |
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I have no words
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Someone may be in deep do-do after mechanic receives a package via USPS with dog poop in it. Message written in Yinzer included
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Van Houten could receive parole for role in Manson family murders. Looks like everything may be coming up Milhouse
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Conservatives find a new line of attack against a 79-year old man who has advised six presidents as the nation's foremost infectous disease specialist: He doesn't throw a baseball very well
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Taiwanese laundry-modelling grandparents are a runway surprise Instagram hit. This is how you own it
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Taiwanese laundry-modelling grandparents are a runway surprise Instagram hit. This is how you own it
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At least this stark naked 18st uncle's mind was in the right place when he sprinted out of his house and chased after a van driver for "abducting" his niece (NSFWish, with video)
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At least this stark naked 18st uncle's mind was in the right place when he sprinted out of his house and chased after a van driver for "abducting" his niece (NSFWish, with video)
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Kanye is now mad at Kim because she made him do it
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Kanye says he'll spill family secrets if the Kardashians try to lock him up. Currently holed up in a bunker with Dave Chappelle, who is presumably collecting new material
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Of course he would rather play but he is 31, likes living in Spain, his young family is happy, the sun is out, and he is fantastically well paid. "Bale is going nowhere," said his agent, Capitan Obvious
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If you think that the US is the only place where the rich escape justice.... think again. Charges dropped against Red Bull heir in Thailand, who totally didn't kill a policeman whilst drunk driving a Ferrari
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| Mon July 20, 2020 |
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New York woman tries solving illegal fireworks problem "without cops" to avoid 'a heavy-handed police response', fails
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Suspect in shooting of Epstein Judge's family has been found dead of a self inflicted gunshot wound. Early reports are he was a professional hit ma...wait, strike that. He was a disgruntled attorney who'd previously appeared in front of the Judge
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John Oliver returns to a waiting audience, crushing Coronavirus conspiracy theories with the help of Alex Trebek, Billy Porter, and Catherine O'Hara, pointing out Trump doesn't believe the conspiracies he touts, just pours gasoline on the fire
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Israeli Court finds Leonardo DiCaprio's ex-girlfriend, model Bar Refaeli smoking hot, guilty of income tax evasion
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Israeli Court finds Leonardo DiCaprio's ex-girlfriend, model Bar Refaeli smoking hot, guilty of income tax evasion
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Sultan of Brunei's royal family have that history of brutality but now they've gone and done it
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| Thu July 09, 2020 |
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"He was then to "decorate main palace", meet family and friends, feast repeatedly, go to the market, "spend time with wives" and embark on quests. Meeting Allah did not make the list until point number seven"
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Video of man getting new glasses causes subby to get something in his eye
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Leader of Canadian opposition party: The fact that police didn't shoot and kill white intruder at Prime Minister's residence proves they are racist
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Toddler dubbed 'Tiny Hawk' goes viral for skateboarding skills: "Whoosh. He calls it whoosh. All day, every day, Mama I go whoosh" (w/video)
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Toddler dubbed 'Tiny Hawk' goes viral for skateboarding skills: "Whoosh. He calls it whoosh. All day, every day, Mama I go whoosh" (w/video)
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Why does Netflix love to cancel critically acclaimed shows? Here are 21 of the most recent great series to get the ax
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Dear Sally, I told my family how much I hate Chik-Fil-A for their stance on LBGTQ issues. Now the entire family likes them on Facebook and eats there every single day. Should I burn their houses down and change my name?
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Failure to mute may expose ESPN announcer to the natural consequences of his behavior
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The snozzberries taste like snozzberries, and the haskap berries taste like haskap berries. We are the beer makers. We are the dreamers of dreams
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Glee actress Naya Riveria presumed drowned
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| Wed July 08, 2020 |
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Stupid: Another reboot. Interesting: Centered around a Black family in Montgomery, AL during the 60's. Total Fark: Fred Savage is involved
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Is the world a better place when a heroin dealer dies? Click to the right for the "yes" portion of the argument
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Is the world a better place when a heroin dealer dies? Click to the right for the "yes" portion of the argument
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Earl Cameron, one of the first black actors to forge a successful career in British film and television, has died at age 102
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Meet Inheritance Cat, bringer of good luck (possible nsfw content on page)
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Silly Muslim-colored Congresswoman. Don't you know the ethically questionable behavior of paying family members hundreds of thousands of dollars to work on your campaign is only for white Christian Congressmen?
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NASCAR racer Jimmie Johnson cleared to return to racing this weekend a week after testing positive for coronavirus. What could possibly go wrong?
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Michael Lofthouse, CEO and founder of San Francisco tech company Solid8, is really sorry that video of his profane, racist rant has gone viral. Tag chosen because, let's be honest here, these daily viral videos define us as a country
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UK doggo abandoned for 'not learning to be good' gets a new loving home. Of course you're reading about it on Woofday
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In her new book, Trump's niece recounts when she was 29, at Mar a Lago, she walked up to a lunch table with Trump and other family members, and Trump said "Holy shiat Mary, you're STACKED"
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Thanks to the information on his dog license, Chase helped reunite his boy with their family just in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday. Major kudos to Chase for babysitting his boy while he went for a stroll. Chase is the hero in all of this!
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Where is my flying car, you ask? In Australia
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| Tue July 07, 2020 |
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Imagine traveling thousands of miles from home to fight in one of the most important battles that your country has ever fought in, only to return home and be told by friends and family that it was a hoax. These nurses don't need to imagine
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'You want remdesivir? The good stuff? I got remdesivir so true you'll think you hadn't died or gone to heaven, man. I can get you three vials - but they're gonna cost you and you gotta come now. I got people dying for this stuff'
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"Among the entities cashing checks from the government's Paycheck Protection Program in recent months were Jared Kushner's Family, Aides to Barack Obama and other political elites"
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Calgary doctor gives CPR to man who had heart attack, a few days later gives same man a quintuple bypass. Expected to mow the lawn and take the garbage to the curb every Wednesday from now on
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"Hamilton" becomes Disney+'s biggest hit. The Mandalorian inconsolable
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And the award for "heartwarming story of airline doing the right thing" goes to ... Spirit?
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"I have yet to see the book, but it is a book of falsehoods," said Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, who is such an expert on falsehoods that she can identify them without seeing them
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Turns out Stephen Miller's wife Katie Miller really is his soul mate
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Trump paid someone to take the SAT for him
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Apparently CNN got ahold of the Mary Trump book. Today is gonna be fun day
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The tough guy who just had to punch a 12-year-old for daring to have a good time has been caught. His sentence will be 10 years of tap lessons in SuperMax
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Ford expects the relaunch of its iconic Bronco line to create a buzz, and boost U.S. sales and profits. You know, basically go viral. uh-oh
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Woman gives birth on pontoon boat on Fourth of July. Tag says it all
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Prison officials want to ensure that Ghislaine Maxwell's murder is not as suspicious as Epstein's, according to a note from his mother
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For $50 you can rent a movie theater where you and 19 of your friends can watch a classic movie. COVID extra
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Totally stable and not off his meds presidential candidate Kayne West building a 52,000 square foot house in Wyoming for his family of 6
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There is nothing like sitting around the backyard fire pit with your family and friends on a lazy summer night. Singing songs, roasting hot dogs, making s'mores, and watching fire shoot out of the eyes of a human skull....wait, out of a what now?
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"My husband and I are both working from home, which was fine until last week. I screwed up at work--entirely my fault--and got chewed out in a Zoom meeting with my boss. My husband heard; now he's acting like my second boss. How can I stop him?"
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"I've never been on great terms with my mother-in-law; she constantly buys random, dirty, unsafe things she sees at yard sales for my daughter. Her four other grandkids get new toys and lavish vacations. Is she being a miserly biatch because of me?"
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| Mon July 06, 2020 |
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Everything with Trump is "two weeks," except this time it is in OUR favor
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Sure, it's good news, but you're still gonna want some mind bleach
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| (Florida Covid Victims) |
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QAnon mom took cancer patient teen to a church party with no masks or social distancing and fed her Trump-approved non-medicines until she died
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Pet dogs may improve social-emotional development in young children as well as protect them from bullies, abandoned wells and burial caves, and rampaging bears
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Pet dogs may improve social-emotional development in young children as well as protect them from bullies, abandoned wells and burial caves, and rampaging bears
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Here's what a Kardashian-West White House will look like when Kanye is elected in November
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"That dog not Sh*thead, that dog Lifesaver." That dog gets steak for life
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With all the virus concerns, stay-at-home orders, financial instability, and mounting civil unrest, Mom Rage is a thing, and it's exploding
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"My 2.5-year-old grandson has been having a recurring nightmare about a lady who tells him she needs something in his room and wants to put something on his foot. He's potty training and has a 4 week-old sister. How can we help him through this?"
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Subby would like you to know that this is nacho table
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Generational inequality is a sobering reality
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Jennifer Grey no longer having the time of her life with Clark Gregg, announces divorce
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"My husband and his ex-wife divorced after he said he didn't want kids. When he met me, I said I might want a kid; we just welcomed our baby boy. His ex left me a crazy voicemail saying he took her child-bearing years from her. Should I ignore it?"
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| Fri July 03, 2020 |
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At the Covid (co) Covidcabana, The hottest spot north of Akron. At the Covid (co) Covidcabana, Face shields and passion were always the fashion, at the Covid...don't lose your lungs
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In Australia, even farts are deadly
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Local TV station helpfully tells Americans how to catch COVID-19
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The pandemic should change the way we talk about dying, from (⊙_⊙) to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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6pm Eastern - it's the Fark Friday Movie Livestream Going a little early today due to family stuff, come join for whatever fresh hell of a video Dallan has in store for us. Bonus - Dallan's on early testing XBox configs playing games
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I was living in my parents' basement before it was cool. Now it's gone too mainstream
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Just in time for the 4th of July weekend, test dummies getting obliterated by badass fireworks in government firework safety video
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"My sister-in-law suffered a stroke, had brain surgery, and now she's a total biatch. Can she go back to the nice person she was?"
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"My sister-in-law suffered a stroke, had brain surgery, and now she's a total biatch. Can she go back to the nice person she was?"
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