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| Wed July 21, 2021 |
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Director of Freaky & Happy Death Day signed to adapt the story about a ghost named Ernest. David Harbour, Anthony Mackie, & Tig Notaro will star. Unclear whether Vern will make an appearance
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For sale: ancient nudist colony. Ancient nudists not included
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Australia's oldest man dies at 111, having advised eating chicken brains to fend off aging
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On this day in history, in 1861, the concept of 'warfare as family entertainment' was first tried at the First Battle of Bull Run, later to be picked up by CNN and various other cable channels
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Australian horse showjumper booted from Olympics after testing positive for blow; hopes he aced the interview for Bob Baffert's stables
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Canada's BC declares state of emergency as wildfires surge. Canada's Wizard of Id, Snuffy Smith, and The Family Circus still printing right along however
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Couple who was charged for crimes related to the El Dorado gender-reveal wildfire in 2020 is now being charged with manslaughter due to a firefighter dying while battling the blaze
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"My daughter wants to do a DNA test...but she was conceived via IVF and it could get complicated. What do?"
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Long-running game show, after using guest hosts to fill the chair of its recently-deceased and much-beloved emcee, names a permanent replacement. Hey - wait Just a Minute
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| Fri July 16, 2021 |
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Out of Bizness
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Two former cops arrested for their role in the insurrection, all because they blabbed to family. Welp, they're Tucked
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They weren't using their identities any longer
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Tonight, Smackdown welcomes the fans back as Carmella challenges Bianca for the SD Women's title. Edge, Rey & Dom take on Roman & The Usos. plus, K.O., Big E, Seth & Shinsuke battle it out in a fatal 4-way match. It all starts live at 8 PM ET on FOX
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"Dominican spaghetti is the perfect beach dish," and there's nothing like a piping-hot bowl of split pea soup on a roller coaster
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Witness in tax fraud case: "Donald Trump personally guaranteed he would cover school costs for the family members of two employees in lieu of a raise"
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Richard Sherman's father-in-law pepper sprayed the NFL veteran. If he had also used mustard gas, Sherman would now be a seasoned veteran
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"My stepsister has fertility troubles and she sees my future twins as 'her' babies; she got mad at a friend for hosting a baby shower, sends us unsolicited gifts and texts, and has become very stalkerish. Am I being too harsh keeping her away?"
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| Thu July 08, 2021 |
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Na, can't make it to the Open because of COVID restrictions
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Indicted Trump organization CFO Allen Weisselberg is fired as a director of Trump's Aberdeenshire golf course, because, if there is one thing the Trump family won't tolerate, it's a dishones--yeah, no can't finish that with a straight face
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Lightning fans electrified. Well, that happens
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Imagine your mother tells you she's taking a sabbatical to travel the world for a few months and is never heard from again. Imagine 24 years pass and still no word from your mom
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Imagine your mother tells you she's taking a sabbatical to travel the world for a few months and is never heard from again. Imagine 24 years pass and still no word from your mom
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GOP gubernatorial candidate Glenn Youngkin (Gilead-Virginia): "I can't share the full extent of my antiabortion views, I need those independent votes"
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The latest hip trend is putting babies on train tracks for the TikTok. Everyone is doing it, so don't be late or miss out
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It's your inaugural Fark Fursday Thread. Rawr
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"I married my high school sweetheart young; he was lazy, manipulative, awful. I divorced him and remarried. I found out he remarried, had kids; I never did; I am jealous and feel unfulfilled. It's too late for me to have kids. How can I be happy?"
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In this context, 'demisexual' could mean "I'm distracting the press from reporting on my dad being crooked as a barrel of snakes"
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| Wed July 07, 2021 |
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For sale: $2.4M Delaware mansion. 8,700 square feet, 5 bedrooms, excellent security courtesy of your elderly neighbors across the street for the foreseeable future
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Marvel seeks people of color, diversity for MCU reboot. Heck, go all in: Make it a musical with Lin-Manuel Miranda, Phillipa Soo, Daveed Diggs & Chris Jackson as The Fantastic Four-fathers. Jonathan Groff as a singing Dr. Doom alone would sell it out
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"GOOOOOOO (gasp) AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL...Ack, *thud*"
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"GOOOOOOO (gasp) AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL...Ack, *thud*"
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Reckless police chase kills uncle of Darnella Frazier, the teenager who won a special citation during the 2021 Pulitzer Prize ceremony for bravely recording George Floyd's murder
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Punxsutawney woman bought insurance for car after accident, allowing family member to drive angry
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YouTube's algorithm keeps recommending "regrettable" videos like the Finger Family song
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Michael Flynn would like you to know that video of his family reciting the QAnon oath was merely a coincidence since their family motto is identical, and the one person who didn't take it was his wife, Morgan Fairchild
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"My father has always been a smart aleck who loves practical jokes and discreetly needling people. My husband has been one of his favorite targets, and it finally came to a head and my husband snapped and he's threatening divorce. What can I do?"
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"A woman who bore a child for a married couple wants joint guardianship of the baby because she had an affair with the father"
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| Tue July 06, 2021 |
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Face painted goblin with horn hat denied pre-trial release. Bonus: lawyer promised judge he'd keep him in a undisclosed "secure location"
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Face painted goblin with horn hat denied pre-trial release. Bonus: lawyer promised judge he'd keep him in a undisclosed "secure location"
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"Screw you guys, I'm going to Howard. Oh, and Duke sucks"
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On this day in history, in 1942, Anne Frank's family took refuge in an around-the-world flight, destined to discover the secret of radium
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Kourtney Kardashian sucks
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A note was left on the truck saying "Out of gas, be right back"
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A note was left on the truck saying "Out of gas, be right back"
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"My daughter is two years out of college; she is bad at answering my calls, her voicemail is full, and she doesn't reach out to me. How can I get her to be closer to me? She lives far away too, and I have always been a good mother"
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The Da Vinci family tree uncoded
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Evolution of the Dad
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It's never good when grandma discusses her sex life
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| Thu July 01, 2021 |
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Well Trump, I do not know who shot Ashli Babbitt, but I do know who caused her death
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I would say hygiene, level of nerdiness, and how attractive you are may also have something to do with it
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Biz Markie's condition upgraded to 'alive'
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Repeat after me: Singers, musicians, actors, and similar types should NEVER EVER EVER EVER even think about flying in a light aircraft, even if they're just an aspiring actor/singer/musician
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You cannot "I fully support survivors of sexual assault coming forward. My post was in no way intended to be insensitive to their truth." after you sent out an ecstatic Tweet cheering Bill Cosby's release on a legal technicality. Bye, Phylicia
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Headline: How Taco Bell 'stole' the taco. Reality: like love and dogs, the taco's inherent purity can never be completely mass-marketed
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Cecily Strong doesn't give a solid answer about her SNL plans
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| Tue June 29, 2021 |
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A kayaker, a plastic tote, a human leg. Don't threaten me with a good time Cleveland
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This year's offering in disturbing CGI in a family film: Clifford the Big Red Dog. Goes from puppy cute to devouring another pet snake-style a la the 1993 horror film Man's Best Friend in one scene
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We can make more
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Getting mud on the carpet is one thing, but if you find a hidden well in your front room, dig into it and find a medieval sword, and still want to keep digging, well, never mind. Just be prepared for more mud on your carpet
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Kids with Down's syndrome don't have a problem with bilingualism, which puts them considerably ahead of many adults
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Clingy girlfriends save lives
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Roger Stone urges Trump to ditch his "weak-kneed" lawyers and hire one tough attorney to fight the potential charges against him. Difficulty: good attorneys like to get paid
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"I'm five months pregnant with twins. My husband and I are in disagreement over whether or not the kids should share a room or have independence. What is the right move?"
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"Who are these people? These aren't our people, these idiots with these outfits. They look like Democrats"
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Straight TicTok couple with 'déjà vu' claim they were hot lesbians who were burnt at the stake for witchcraft in Ireland in the year 1500. Kinda want
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Keto-crazy mum sends child to school with keto school lunch, shares TikTok of her creation, breaks the internet. "Our entire family eats this way, my five-year-old, our puppies and my husband"
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7-year-old brothers can be pretty bratty especially if they lock their teenage sister in a former bank vault
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| Mon June 28, 2021 |
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Before closing shoe store down after 85 years, family discovers hidden door, with "treasures" behind it
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Flipped car, Check. Hit a tree and playground, Check. 7 year old driver, Che....wait what?
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"Recipients of mistaken bank deposits are not allowed to keep the money." But when the mistake is $50 billion you could at least give them a few hundred grand for being honest
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Newest Gerber baby announced after nationwide contest, as company officials hope that they've finally found one that will last
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Newest Gerber baby announced after nationwide contest, as company officials hope that they've finally found one that will last
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Family Guy goes grimdark: Pawtucket Police Officer placed on leave after shooting an 18-year old in a pizzeria parking lot, after tailing the teen to the restaurant, cutting him off with his personal vehicle and drawing his weapon... while OFF DUTY
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Peeping Tom is now Bleeding Tom
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Britney Spears's brother-in-law claims her family is "doing the best for her"
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"My 11 year-old cousin has atrocious table manners; she can't hold a fork and knife right, she plays with her food, talks with her mouth full, and takes big bites. I know she's raised by her dad, but how can I help her develop good table manners?"
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"I've been toying with the idea of hiring a baby sleep consultant to help my child develop good sleep patterns and habits, but I can't help feel this may not be a big scam. Is it?"
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"I've been toying with the idea of hiring a baby sleep consultant to help my child develop good sleep patterns and habits, but I can't help feel this may not be a big scam. Is it?"
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It looks like prosecutors are divvying up the job of taking down the Trump Crime Family, Manhattan is going after the Trump Org for tax fraud, DC is going after his spawn and their posses for non-profit fraud connected to Trump's inaugural committee
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"My wife commissioned a special portrait of me and it's oddly hideous and I'm a bit put off by it. How can I tell her how I feel about it?"
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The family of one of the victims is asking Governor Condo Collapse why nobody has emerged from the rubble, dead or alive, for over 60 hours now
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Skid Row's singer has died. Not that one
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| Mon June 21, 2021 |
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Well this guy was certainly cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs
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'Nude man breaks into Bel Air home, kills family's pet birds'. Looks like Carlton's residuals check didn't clear
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Li'l Marco tweets, "Every major social problem in America can be linked to fatherlessness." Some people have a problem with that
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| (Some Broke Guy) |
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41% of Americans are intimidated by their own finances. Subby not sure what is so intimidating about something so small
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"By April he was enrolled in an animation course through a program called Exceptional Minds, which describes itself as "a professional training academy and working digital arts and animation studio serving individuals on the autism spectrum." Dusty
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Out of hundreds of local candidates running in tomorrow's NYC primaries, the only one who has accepted an endorsement from Donald Trump was convicted of DWI, admitted to having a secret second family, and has only spent $113 on his campaign
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While the line of succession might not be entirely clear, Subby really hopes it could end up in a reverse King Ralph situation. Come on, who doesn't want tea parties with crumpets on the White House lawn?
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While the line of succession might not be entirely clear, Subby really hopes it could end up in a reverse King Ralph situation. Come on, who doesn't want tea parties with crumpets on the White House lawn?
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Gatherings at which someone spits on other people's food may have an increased risk of Covid spread
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Remember that time dad began his boycott of the Chinese restaurant because they shorted him one fortune cookie? Bob Farrell screams give 'em the pickle
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There is road rage and then there is Staten Island road rage
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Two men and a baby
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"A family member shared with me a secret about their longstanding affair and decision to get divorced; it was unsolicited, and after I said I did not want to be their confessor, they've talked shiat about me to family and made me look bad. What do?"
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"A family member shared with me a secret about their longstanding affair and decision to get divorced; it was unsolicited, and after I said I did not want to be their confessor, they've talked shiat about me to family and made me look bad. What do?"
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Man spends £130,000 to look like a real-life filter. No word if he used a filter for the pictures in the article
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"My two kids are too young for the Covid vaccine; we limit exposure to gatherings of vaccinated people. My in-laws are not vaccinated; my family is. We haven't seen my in-laws in person in over a year; they accuse me of playing favorites. What do?"
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Man, the streaming wars are starting to get pretty aggressive
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Nick Cannon's Sperm Got Talent
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Australia's former Deputy PM, who loves family values so much he started a second with an employee, wins back his old position; no news yet if it is doggy or missionary. Tag is for the 'bonk ban' the PM had to put in place because of him
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Kevin Hart says his daughter was short with him after the revelation of all his scandals
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| Thu June 10, 2021 |
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Subby is shocked, SHOCKED, that a NASCAR driver has a confederate flag in their car
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While looking for leaks about the Russia investigation Trump's DOJ committed some light spying against House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff...and his aides. And family. Including children
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3-year-old NJ boy falls from second-story window, lands on two vicious dogs
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CNN hands Jeffrey Toobin his job back, on the condition he keeps a firm grip on himself and doesn't jerk them around, and only if he shoots load after load of stories for them
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90-year-old senior loses his wife of 66 years, so he does the only rational thing. Ties a bunch of helium balloons to his house and floats off to parts unknown. Okay, he actually does a less rational thing - builds a Wizard of Oz tribute garden
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Actor Ernie Lively, father of actress Blake Lively, changes name to Ernie Deadly
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Old man wonders why people keep thinking he's an old man
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