headlines found matching 'Ear' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Wed May 05, 2021 |
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Giuliani attempts to collect a debt from Donald Trump, has apparently never heard of Donald Trump
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Great news, all you armchair Buzz Lightyears - it looks like "Space Force Reserve" is going to be a thing
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Germany aims for zero emissions by 2045, which means there's only twenty-four years left for the sauerkraut industry
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Will the Inner Circle or the Pinnacle win tonight's little games of war? Can Moxley & Kingston beat Kenny Omega to a bloody pulp? Who will earn a title shot against the Young Bucks? AEW Blood & Guts starts @ 8pm EDT on TNT
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Good news for West Coasters, the U.S. earthquake early warning system is now prepared to message any cell phone when a nearby tremor is detected to alert you about your impending doom
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Just to be clear, Moscow Mitch's #1 priority is stopping the Biden agenda. Not helping working Americans, Not stopping the pandemic, Not ensuring voting integrity. 100% focused on stopping Biden
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Boeing to banks: "$70 billion loan please." Boeing to employees: "Can't afford raises this year". Boeing to CEO's alma mater: "Here's $50 million"
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Cyber Ninjas are searching through the bamboo for Commies
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We've reached that time of year where the U.S. Treasury says we are out of money for the 11,712th time and asks Congress to increase their allowance
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ESPN seems to think Browns fans want an aging future game show host over the guy who took them to their first playoff win in over 25 years
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Yo dawg, I heard you think you need a different way to think about thinking
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SCOTUS should force Facebook to allow Trump to return because oversight board is without standing. It's like Charlie Kirk just grabbed words he has heard mentioned in articles about legal cases and used them without knowing what they mean
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CHAMPIONS Semi-Finals 2nd day: Chelsea and Real Madrid. Dark horse Chelsea are on the cusp of their first final in nine years, can perennial finalists Real Madrid overcome the away goal deficit? 3:00 PM ET on CBS Sports and TUDN
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The big beast of Somerset England, the size of an "Alsatian," filmed in what might be clearest-ever footage of a big cat EVER (with blurry images and video)
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England bans wet firewood, will still allow fires on both dry days of the year
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Michael Palin is 78 years young today. So here he is talking about one of his favorite Monty Python sketches
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Ford unveils the Ford Explorer Timberline, featuring off-road tires, suspension lift, and a rear Torsen limited-slip rear differential, perfect for all your mall-crawling needs
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All my friends know the low rider. For those of you who don't, take a little trip and learn the history of L.A. low riders
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Explosives, flamethrowers, and other weaponry found at various Right Wing protests throughout 2020-2021. Totally normal people though, we swear
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This continuous model of early mammalian development is the tits
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Sixty years ago today, Alan Shepard took 15 minute flight on Freedom Seven, becoming the first American in space
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Step 1: Stick cigarette in taco. Step 2: post photo to social media. Step 3: Hey, free food
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The Giggity tag returns to Nevada after a year of lockdown
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Too early for an NFL Power rankings story? What? Are you nuts? Football season is just FOUR months away
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Last year, the NL used the DH. Huascar Ynoa is making the case for that travesty to never happen again, strengthens the case for the AL to also ditch it
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"Terms of Endearment allowed my mother and I to finally discuss my father's struggles and passing"
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They blew up the wrong sun, it was supposed to be Earth's sun THAT DAY
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Since 1900, yearly rainfall in the US has gone from Ben Shapiro's wife to Cardi B
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| Tue May 04, 2021 |
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99-year-old Prince Phillip's death certificate reveals he died from being 99
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Smart: Wearing an Amazon vest while porch pirating. Not so smart: Using a bike as your transport vehicle
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Tuca & Bertie are driving a sex bus into your heart this June
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Sackler family: here peasants, take the corpse of our bankrupt pill mill, and a couple billion dollars for your troubles, and we and our vast fortunes will hear no more of you, or this "opioid crisis." 24 states and the DOJ: No so fast, farkos
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There is no try. Wear a seat belt you will
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Manchester United fans saw the Glazers' money tricks 16 years ago but nobody listened
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Judge Amy Berman Jackson is quite tired of Bill Barr's DoJ lying about their previous lies to cover the lies they told about the Mueller investigation. Unfortunately, there appears to be no penalty for lying to the Court if you're a Justice lawyer
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Another sign that the Covid pandemic is nearing the end and people are getting out again: There is finally enough litter along state highways to justify bringing back the roadside litter removal crews
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This is a TEST of the British Columbia Emergency Alerting System, issued by Emergency Management British Columbia. This is ONLY a TEST. If this had been an actual beaver attack, you would now hear instructions to hide your lumber
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A bite of pizza nearly cost the world John Deacon's immortal bass riff for "Under Pressure"
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Belgian Parliament holds hearing on Uyhgurs and their destruction at the hands of the Chinese, when suddenly a cyber attack happens, forcing the entire session to shut down. Weird 🤔
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Fox News says President Biden is actually anti-vax because he's fully vaccinated and is still wearing a mask outside so he "doesn't trust the science" (w/video)
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Young, professional athletes are often poor money managers, struggling to learn responsibility amid quick riches. So let's teach the NBA all about how to make money on NFTs
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You too can be the owner of some 200 year old nasal mucus belonging to Napoleon Bonaparte
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Searchers in Utah find woman missing since November 2020. She just wanted to be left the hell alone for a while
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House Republicans call on their Senate colleagues to vote to reject Biden's nominee to head the ATF, David Chipman, a 25-year veteran of the agency, on the grounds that he might actually try to do his job
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Nine-year-old lives the dream of every nine-year-old who ever went to an airport
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Pissy emails from Jobs and other Apple execs confirm Facebook and Apple have been pissy for years. Pissy
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Nintendo contracts shown in court appear to have more redacts than the Mueller documents, but apparently, they REALLY want to make sure their partners have no organized crime connections. Did Mario and Luigi get background checks?
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To keep a PhD candidate from "cheating" at her doctoral defense, for which she has spent years preparing, her defense committee chair asks that she pan her camera around her bedroom. PhD candidate and the committee's external have a problem with this
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22 year old golfer becomes first person with Down Syndrome to compete for a collegiate title. What's her handicap? Article doesn't say, but you have to assume it's in the single digits or better
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| (Some Guy) |
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Alberta car dealership gives 68 year old man delivering food a car. Doesn't even pressure him into an extended warranty or undercoating
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Woman gets ten years for sneaking gun into jail in a 'body cavity'
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Today's 2 hour serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Julian Cope, Stan Ridgway, The March Violets, and The Dentists. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #214. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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There was a Congressional hearing on the microwave attacks on the intelligence community. It did not go smoothly
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One cup of leafy green vegetables a day lowers your risk of heart disease. But at what cost?
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Update on 23-ton Chinese rocket that's tumbling out of control towards Earth: New York or Madrid Spain is sooooo screwed (possible nsfw content on page)
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You know what? Fark around and find out for yourself. You've earned the tag
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| (Some Guy) |
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Squishy furniture like that of the 60s and 70s is back. Does this mean squeaky clear vinyl is next?
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Roman Colosseum to get a new gladiator floor. This is not a repeat from the year 70
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Model burned when a social media stunt went wrong says she has asked "Why did this happen to me?" Phrase "social media stunt" sidles furtively out of the room, meets dumbass tag on its way in
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"My son is 14, coping with identity issues; he mentioned girls in his English class say whatever they want and blast the 'straight white men' for being part of the patriarchy. I fear he may be influenced by pathetic incels. How can I help him?"
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Long before compiling his great thesaurus, Peter Roget was in danger of becoming a prisoner of war in Napoleon's Europe. For Roget, the experience was dispiriting, anxious, demoralizing, fraught, melancholy, fearful, dismaying, troubling, and sad
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Weird: Clarence Thomas alone publicly speaks out about a case the Supreme Court refused to hear. Sign of the apocalypse: He took the side of a rape victim and the ACLU when all the other justices did not
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Woman who assaulted and attempted to strip a flight attendant proclaims "The police aren't going to do anything to me." Off-duty NYPD officer seated nearby: "Challenge accepted"
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30 years ago the most Wisconsin fire ever happened, The Butter River Fire
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It's been 18 years since some old man fell down
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Ski patrol in Romania distracts a young brown bear away from a group of skiers, takes it for a run instead
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| Mon May 03, 2021 |
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By Grabthar's hammer, mute your mic during the House Appropriations subcommittee hearing
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Listening to it makes you feel old. Now it's fifty years old
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Volunteers from depressed Appalachian towns pick up five tons of garbage left by tourists that were supposed to be an economic boom to their towns, in anticipation of this year's tourist season
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Israel fighting 'shadow war,' plans to derail Iranian nuclear agreement even without the support of the Minbari Federation, the Narn Regime, the Vorlons, or the League of Non-Aligned Worlds
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Voters support the Dem-proposed voting rights bills if they don't hear GOP lies about it
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If you are going to pistol whip someone, make sure you point the barrel away from your nearby relatives
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White Castle World opens to long lines. That's a LOT of early morning day drinkers
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"Explosion in 3-alarm Fresno fire nearly injures dozens of firefighters" - In other news, subby nearly won a Nobel prize for nearly proving the existence of aliens
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Former Oregon House Speaker Dave Hunt cited in sex trafficking sting. Swears he was just looking for his brother Mike
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Australia threatens five years in prison to citizens who try to return home from COVID-ravaged India, no word on how many venomous insects and reptiles are affected
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| (Some Guy) |
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In case you needed a bigger reason to avoid covid than death, long term side effects and/or permanent organ damage, study shows having covid may shave your telomeres down and cut off 5 years of your life
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| (Some Boxing News Guy) |
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Happy Birthday to Boxing's Original Sugar Ray, born 100 years ago today
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Yelling out "I'm not a racist" in a meeting several times will not make that somehow magically true, just like yelling out "Biggie Smalls" in a bathroom will not make him appear
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"Why do double standards appear to persist that protect white conservative men in cable news?"
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Who would have thought that America just wants a normal boring president after four years of a Twitter in Chief
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Two out of three bears share
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My 18 year-old son is a naive dipstick. Bless his heart
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100 Years Ago: UK split up Ireland into two territories, figuring to reunite them later. Subby will save you the Troubles to tell you it didn't happen
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Red Lobster's cheddar bay biscuits are the hot item for prom corsages and boutonnieres this year. Which really isn't a bad idea when you think of the extra bread soaking up all that prom booze
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For the first time in 32 years, the Pentagon has denied "Rolling to Remember", a motorcycle event to commemorate POW/MIA soldiers permission to use the parking because of COVID. It approved it last May, however, during the peak of the pandemic
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Nothing to worry about, just that a Chinese 21-ton rocket will be crashing back to Earth any day now and it seems no one knows where
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"I was raised a rapture-fearing evangelical, and myself and others were always afraid we'd get out of school and find out everyone from us had been taken. I never knew why that fear was there, but now I know why it was instilled in us"
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Secret squirrel restored to rare tapestry. Magilla Gorilla, Huckleberry Hound, Top Cat, the Hair Bears among others now biding their time
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After one climber diagnosed with Covid in Everest base camp, it looks like even climbing the tallest mountain on earth is becoming a super spreader event
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| Sun May 02, 2021 |
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And you thought dogs hated wearing the cone
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The girl in the infamous Kent State picture was only 14 years old. Here are her reflections 50 years later
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All I hear all day long at school is how great Thurgood Marshall was at this, or how wonderful Thurgood Marshall did that. Marshall, Marshall, Marshall
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Alicia, Al, Wes, and Luciana infiltrate the underground lair of The Believers, a group of post-apocalyptic Imagine Dragons fans led by John Glover and Nick Stahl. Will these villains last more than an episode? Fear the Walking Dead, 9PM ET on AMC
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Anybody ready to see more pizzly bears?
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Machine Gun Woodpecker lives up to its nickname due to its metal-banging mating call. Also the name of Subby's pecker-banging metal band
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Men Of The Internet™ share what they've learned after discovering the world outside of their moms' basements
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Radio controlled ground effects craft with LIDAR for altitude control shows some promise for a Skywalker-type landspeeder within a few more years
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Ka'iulani is 9 years old, weighs about 65 pounds, and would pin your couch-dwelling ass to the mat before you knew what hit you
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| Sat May 01, 2021 |
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Man buys house, not news. Man makes only one mortgage payment, again, not news. Man still living in house 23 years later. Now that's news
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Ann and Nancy Wilson have not written anything together in five years. Hopefully, they have a change of heart
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Taika Waititi as Blackbeard? Yes please, cap'n
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| (ETCanada.com) |
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Harrison Ford tells magician to do a disappearing act
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On Paul's Memory Bank tonight (8PM EDT), Connie and Osgood are vying to be elected cheerleader, Liz wants to hire an interior decorator and engineering teams designing a road to link North & South America are disappearing over the Andes
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Pro Tip: Bear spray goes on the bear, not on you
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Change your underwear, you dirty freak
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"Some employees are in tears after being berated by guests. We are getting bad reviews. ... It's hard to stand in front of my staff and tell them we have to adhere to it"
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In a weird twist of karma, Marsha Blackburn's claim that Joe Biden was going to mandate preschool and two years of college for everyone turns out to be false, but does demonstrate why Biden's education plan would actually help folks like Marsha
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So let's model what would happen if a 460-foot-wide asteroid barreled toward Central Europe. Oh dear... that's gonna leave a mark
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We conclude the 2021 NFL Draft with Rounds 4 through 7. Will there be any big steals? Who will be Mr. Irrelevant? How did your team do this year? Coverage of the third and final day starts at Noon ET on ABC/ESPN/NFL Network
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Eli Broad died today. Made his $B's from KB Homes and SunAmerica but wasted it on: LA's MOCA, Broad Prize, Broad Museum, the Broad Stage, LACMA, LA Opera, Disney Concert Hall, Broad Foundation, research facilities at UCLA/USC/Harvard/MIT etc
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| Fri April 30, 2021 |
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How nasty is the special election in TX-6 to replace Rep. Jim Wright who died of Covid earlier this year? Some voters are reporting receiving an anonymous robocall accusing the front-runner, his widow, of murdering her husband for his insurance
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10 years ago tonight, the thought of Donald Trump in the White House was a whole punch line by itself; these days it's not so much "ha-ha" funny. Take a stroll down memory lane with the infamous vid of 44 roasting 45-to-be to a fine crisp at the WHCD
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Dear Stoya, How do I tell my partner I'm terrified of his huge penis?
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The number of unaccompanied migrant children held in jail-like conditions at the border dropped nearly 84% last month
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'The polar bear became his one true love' - I'll take Unfortunate Epitaphs for $500, Alex
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Council worker with a weed burner takes 15 minutes to destroy artwork composed of living plants that took three years to grow after thinking 'It's a deathtrap," trap being Dutch for stairs
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Ravens' Odafe Oweh on why he is going by his Nigerian name in the NFL: "People were having trouble pronouncing 'Odafe', so I went to 'Jayson' my earlier years, but I don't care anymore; you're going to have to learn how to pronounce it"
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Apparently, "taking back control" means gaining the ability to buy all your happy British fish from the Norwegians. Chips seen learning to bork bork bork
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Lorne Michaels will let cast members sit out Elon Musk's appearance next week
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Five Prince George's County, MD volunteer firefighters (including a 24-year-old who looks 13) charged with generating demand
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Boomers now going ahead and retiring earlier than they'd planned thanks to the past year of stock market gains. See youngins', this why you take advantage of all other generations
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And now for something completely different: the weirdest doorbell you've ever heard
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"Why so many people in China are becoming mermaids." Man, wait until conservatives learn who they'll be sharing bathrooms with now
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Andy Dalton Bears highlight reel
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Meghan McCain joins in to whip up her own special batch of distilled conservative tears over the Biden speech. Surely these people knew the Selfishness Railroad was going to derail someday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Machine learning (including Google AI) has difficulty finding the actual information in the really long articles that Google's SEO practices made popular
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Are we prepared to hear the truth about the January 6 terror attack?
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| (Some Composeur) |
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20 iconic themes from film. Throw a bone, barf up pea soup, jog on the beach, build a bridge, run stairs, chase Magua, dig for rebel gold, flee Skynet, take a quick shower, fire your PPK. All these...motifs will be lost in time, like...tears in rain
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Is there a better use for fifteen year-old bourbon than as a cocktail mixer?
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Armed robber raids, demands Chicken Mcnuggets but has to settle for Sausage McMuffin because it was too early
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Florida Bear. That is all
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"Biden called the January 6 event the worst attack on our democracy in 160 years? How about the Immigration Act of 1965?" wonders the sentient klan hood rectally controlling Tuckkker Carlson
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| (Bsst't worshiper) |
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Have you heard the Great Meow? How to welcome Bastet into your life. Or: What's another cat at this point?
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Deputies ignore neck tattoo that clearly states suspect is a flight risk
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The hottest new tour of the spring is Jail Bait Gaetz and the Jewish Space Lasers, coming soon to a RINO district near you
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Video voyeurism is illegal, can lead to jail time. So why did county jailers set up visitation cameras with clear view of inmate showers?
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| Thu April 29, 2021 |
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Axios: Why isn't Biden thinking about the married couples that only make $800K a year?
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GOP candidate shocked to learn that guys claiming to be Jan 6th security detail ripped her off
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NASA is launching a new series of streetlights to help illuminate the connection between the Sun and Earth, reverse vampires
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Comcast beats earnings expectations mostly on news customers don't have any other real option, can't stop streaming "The Office"
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10 to 20 years and Counting
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Can you solve the mystery of the disappearing sponge cat?
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Researchers examining what they thought was a mummy of a male priest discover the body was that of a woman instead. The fact that she was 7 months pregnant and still carrying the fetus was what professional archaeologists call "a clue"
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Pandemic exacerbated existing problems at the Y - M - C - A. Including the earworm that's now in your head at the Y - M - C - A
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100 days, 100 nights to know a man's heart and a little more before he knows his own. Wait a minute, maybe I need to slow it down just a little, take my time in the MSNBC discussion thread at 7PM Eastern
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Dear Prudence, I used to claim to be Mexican even though I'm white. Now that I'm woke, how do I handle this?
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President Joe Biden said that he was not briefed about the search warrants executed at Rudy Giuliani's apartment, and he doesn't want to be briefed. Not my job, mon
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Judge in the case of the Arizona re-recount: We heard you like audits, so we're going to require you to let us audit your audit
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This dog flunked out of guide dog school, so she learned to sniff out Covid instead. Good girl
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People are soiling their underwear to help the earth, and not just because someone said we're running out of bourbon
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Don Jr. buys his girlfriend a mansion near Mar-A-Lago and plans to furnish it with only glass tables
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An early contender for 'worst call of the season'. Difficulty: Not Angel Hernandez
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Losers with a yearning for royalty can now buy the Queen of England's custom-made 24-karat solid gold Nintendo Wii, it's now on sale on eBay for £215,000 (possible nsfw content on page)
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Treating dental pain with opioids is linked to higher risk of overdose in patients & families than those who don't use opioids. That's some fine researchin' there. Lou
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Today's 2 hour serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Happy Mondays, Squeeze, Xymox, and Hazel O'Connor. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #213. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Man who lives in giant house, wears gold jewelry, drinks from golden cups paid for by people giving money to God aims to cut down on corruption
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What place on earth has the least mosquitoes and is reasonably livable? Subby would like to retire there some day
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So drinking a pot of coffee a day means you have no heart?
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People tear-gassed by police in Portland and Seattle reported menstrual irregularities and other severe health effects. Perhaps that's why attacking people with poison gas is considered a war crime
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"The vice principal at my child's school is constantly wearing masks below the nose and it is driving me insane. So much for setting a good example for responsible mask wearing. How do I fix this?"
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Ever Given crew who clogged up Egypt's Suez Canal now stuck on vessel, maybe for years. Constipation could ensue due to costs and damages
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"Boulders block road in Boulder Canyon near Boulder according to Boulder County Sheriff's Office"
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Standing at the podium as president after a political career of 40 years, Biden showed he has a patience few politicians possess, yet his speech was distinctly impatient, calling for immediate action, almost as if he feels "the fierce urgency of now"
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Three years later, someone found out
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U.S. GDP surges 6.4% in the 1st QTR. Of note: Fed Balance Sheet nears $8 trillion and growing. Everything is fine. This is fine
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Columbus OH officials ask DOJ to investigate their police force. "My dearest Merrick, Columbus is hell. It has been hours since the last killing and morale is low"
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We're beginning to think the "most popular baby names" people are either just pranking everyone or have been hitting the bong way too much while working from home this past year
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26-year-old Mario Gonzalez was strangled to death by the Alameda police for the horrific crime of loitering in a park
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Buying a decrepit old house, tearing it down and building something new sounds like a great idea - except to the lady who's been living there for almost a decade and thinks she owns it
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Catholic priest fully embraces science over mythology and fear. That's the joke
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Justin Bieber's getting slammed for wearing dreadlocks, being Justin Bieber
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Alexa, help I've been attacked by bees and I'm near death
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I'm a 78 years old woman with four children and seven grandchildren... and I'm wondering when it's okay to tap out?
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| Wed April 28, 2021 |
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A week is a long time in politics. Unless you're former UK chancellor Ed Balls, who's still getting mockery for a minor Twitter mishap ten years later. ED BALLS
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The 20 most terrifying places on Earth. Subby's bathroom after a night of IPAs and hot wings strangely absent
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Subby just bought a new 2021 Toyota Corolla hybrid. Nowhere in the nearly 600 page owners manual does it say that that vehicle has remote start capabilities. Mine does, using the key fob. Anyone else have a new Corolla hybrid? Snark welcome
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Florida man clearly tired of waiting to be in a headline, carjacks own car because if you want something done right, well
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Festivus airing of grievances to start early this year
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So why ARE lumber prices up 232% in the past year?
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"Civics students shouldn't learn just Judeo-Christian beliefs." Okay, then, let's debate the merits of Zoroastrian sky burial vs. stuffing bodies in hollow tree trunks like they did in the Caucasus nations
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Train hits tractor-trailer carrying bricks and unlike the cartoons of yesteryear, they did not all fly up in the air and land in a nice, neat pile resembling a bank, or library
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Iceland's volcano appears to be suffering aftereffects of Taco Tuesday, and is now shooting lava 150 feet into the air. LGT live view
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If the search warrant at Rudy's didn't already get Trumpworld worried, this next search warrant should have them Toensing up
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10 years for woman who smuggled loaded .22 caliber revolver into jail in her prison pouch
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PA State Police trooper: "If an individual [...] says, 'No, I don't want you to search my car,' it could be an additional indicator [of illegal activity]," said to motorist who refused his request for a search while trooper is searching his car
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Mitch McConnell accuses Biden of doing what he's been doing for years
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A California company is looking to pay someone $120,000 a year to drink wine and they'll even cover your rent. Of course you have to live in California
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If you're a teacher, do not text female students telling them to buy slutty underwear or ask them if they masturbate or to describe porn scenes. Aristocrats
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CHAMPIONS Semi-Finals, day 2: Paris Saint Germain vs Manchester City. Last year's runners up vs. a team going for a treble. Poch vs. Pep. The Eiffel Tower vs. Mrs. Miggin's Pie Shop. 3:00 pm ET on Paramount + and TUDN
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Australia to upgrade military bases and expand war games with the U.S., offering a potential strategic game-changer in the struggle with expansionist China by equipping F-22 Raptors with radar-guided drop bears
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| (XDA-Developers) |
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In a bit of deja vu, Microsoft has almost completely fumbled it's early lead in tablet computers, just as it did with smartphones
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Feds execute search warrant on Giuliani's crypt
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12-year old set to graduate High-school and college in the same week this May, a decision he will in no way regret in 20 years when his friends and co-workers share stories about their exploits at prom or the wild parties they went to in college
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Bird smuggler caught after someone heard the hair curlers around his legs chirping and singing
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It's only taken 5-6 years, but it looks like the honeymoon is finally over
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"I am a happily child-free woman in my 30s, and I have a group of dear friends I've been close with since college. One is having a child. I find the idea of pregnancy horrific, and I do not like children, babies, and toddlers. How can I pretend to?"
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As we prepare for live music to come back, here are the 50 best concerts of the last 50 years
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What, you didn't learn about the heroic actions of the RoboCop-Centaur during the American Revolution? You must have gone to the uncool school
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In a world with no entertainment, man must make their own. But when you've spent 6 years parking in every space in one particular car park, there's something else going on
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Red Jumpsuit Apparatus guitarist Yahtzee purple monkey dishwasher bingo
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Joe Manchin thinks he has the Democrats' best interests at heart
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A recently surfaced review of Citizen Kane from 1941 destroyed the film's perfect score on Rotten Tomatoes. Eat your heart out, Armond White
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Dear Democrats, EW Jackson is onto your plan to control Black people with your Devil Weed
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Scientists in Baltimore find ancient signs of earth's mantle, competent governance, decent baseball
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| Tue April 27, 2021 |
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After 32 years living on an island, Italy's 81-year-old Robinson Crusoe is giving up his WWII shelter and moving into an apartment
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After the pandemic federal prosecutors in Illinois have a backlog of corrupt politicians to clear
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Good: Under its third generation of family ownership, store in Hawaii turned 100 last year. Bad: Perhaps you heard of a pandemic? Fark: Locked-down Hawaiians wanted to fish, so business went up 20%
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Burning Man has been put out this year
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Star of Search Party likes to unwind by wrestling with her girlfriend, NTTIAWWT
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Restaurant mocks commenter for leaving passionately negative review over glass-of-water incident from three years ago. "We are amazed you kept that emotion for so long"
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Adam Cole talks about why he broke up Undisputed Era, Reed tries to earn another shot at Gargano (in Theory that is), KUSHIDA & MSK take on Legado del Fantasma & Dakota tries to avoid getting trucked by a Mercedes. It all starts at 8 PM ET on USA
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Far right 'Britain First' group duped into protesting at hotels with no asylum seekers. No word if there were landscaping companies or sex shops nearby
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Prospective employer emailed me asking for some time ranges for a phone interview, but hasn't called during any of them. It's the third of the three days they offered, and I haven't heard anything. Is all hope lost? Should I reach out to them?
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This humble bacteria feeds on sulfate and hydrogen found deep below the Earth's surface. It's genetic sequence is unchanged since the age of the dinosaurs and spreads via continental drift
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Vegan cheese recalled due to salmonella contamination. Sal can't be reasoned with, he can't be bargained with. He doesn't feel pity of remorse or fear and he absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Shakespeare: There was never yet philosopher that could endure the toothache patiently. Science: Actually
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Subby remembers trash can punch very fondly form his college days but gets a bit flushed when hearing about toilet bowl punch
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This might break your heart, but the Republican Party is failing in so many ways right now thanks to the success of Joe Biden that it may never come back
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So did the nearly $1 Trillion we spent on Paycheck Protection Loans actually work and save any jobs? The Consensus among experts is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Stealing moisturizer and women's underwear from Walmart is no way to go through life, Mr. Police Officer
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Remember those military IP addresses that suddenly went live? All 175 million? Still not clear if they're for: A) Trump's final spammer scam; B) cyberwar nightmare fuel; C) an unstoppable army of K9s with death rays
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"Disaster Girl," now a 21-year-old college senior, just made a nice mint off her meme
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Never fear, white people. Stephen Miller's got your back
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Normally, a car exploding on the side of the road is enough to get noticed - but it's 2021, and people stopped giving a fark sometime last year (with video)
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"How Barack Obama's eight years shaped Joe Biden's first 100 days"
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In 1984, ESPN hired a 23-year-old nerd for $400 to give some authoritative-ish opinions on picks during a dull-as-usual NFL draft. Today, Mel Kiper Jr is only 60 and is the world's most famous draftnik despite being often wrong
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Beyond Meat's CEO thrives on your carnivorous tears
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Federal Courts: The Trump Administration's "public charge rule" is illegal. Trump Administration: SCOTUS, we want you to hear our appeal. SCOTUS: OK. Biden: On second thought, we're good. Red State AGs to SCOTUS: can WE appeal? SCOTUS: LOL, no
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Today's 2 hour serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Danielle Dax, Roxy Music, Flesh For Lulu, and Gang Of Four. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #212. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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What does Giants' P Anthony DeSclafani credit for his 100 pitch, 9K, complete game shutout over the Rockies? a) his catcher calling a good game, b) the Giants for scoring 12 runs, or c) the bird that pooped on him earlier this week
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Newly released bodycam footage clearly shows Atlanta Police officers....uh -oh...Saving a man from a burning car that crashed in a gas Station parking lot? Nicely done fellas
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Nothing like hearing Americans trapped in European airports screaming about personal freedoms and government discrimination
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No your honor, I do not think I was breaking any laws when I was arrested for smearing Nutella on my body and running through a football game. You see, free will does not exist and the gods demanded I stop the Browns from winning. At any cost
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Sports, billionaires, sports billionaires, and poor sportsmanship are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 11-17 First Barbecue of the Year Edition
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Ten years ago today, President Obama didn't call Donald Trump an ignorant racist, but he did drop the long form mic
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"An explosion believed to be caused by an electrical vault early Tuesday morning injured four people in Hollywood." - Subby not sure what an electrical vault is, but is pretty sure that they shouldn't 'esplode
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| (Some WFAN) |
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And the tears of Yankee fans grow more delicious still
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Since Covid, lumber prices are up threefold, homes prices see biggest spike in 15 years, and many groceries are on pace for 10-15% increases. Jerome Powell on raising rates: "Nah, we good"
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So, how's that decision to draft Aaron Rogers' replacement last year working out Green Bay Packers?
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British scientists go on the search to make a perfect condom with an in-built medication that protects against STDs ...which is apparently a big problem there
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"My boyfriend and I have been together four years, and we're talking about getting married and starting a family. But he gets irrationally and extremely angered at little things. Will this make him a bad father?"
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Button #1 Allow students to swear in protest off school grounds on social media. Button #2 Allow schools to monitor social media like a Big Brother. Right-Wing Supreme Court considering decision, sweats from brow
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367 year old bond still pays interest
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New research says vertical turbine design is far more efficient than traditional turbines in large scale wind farms. That it took this long to ascertain something so fundamental kind of blows
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"My grandmother is being scammed online and thinks she'll be marrying Toby Keith. How can I keep her safe without breaking her heart?"
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The sentient squeaky balloon animal Tucker Carlson says that you should call CPS and report it as abuse if you see a child forced to wear a mask
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5-year, $430 billion spending plan just announced by Tim Cook. Republicans in Congress sure they can block it, somehow
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Not sure if Mike Myers has heard of this. Or if he should
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| Mon April 26, 2021 |
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It's been 7 years since the Flint Water Crisis started. Let's see how things are going
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"The House GOP's internal battle: Policy vs. personality." Subby doesn't know where the author has been the last five years, given that personality has been trouncing policy ever since the last president rode down a golden escalator
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Bobby addresses his Backlash challenger. Rhea uses her title to mess with people, Will AJ & Omos defend the tag titles this week? Will Lily appear? Drew joins the Strowman Express as they face off vs T-Bar & Mace. Windu? Oh, around 8 PM ET on USA
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Today in STFU & GBTW: Here are eight reasons why retiring early may not be a good idea
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Otis earnings elevated
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Kyle Shanahan plans to murder Jimmy Garoppalo and presumably every human being on earth this Sunday
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Ukraine's nuclear industry faces a crisis caused by corruption, safety problems and politicized decision-making, with aging reactors and piles of unprotected spent fuel rods, which experts say is not great, not terrible
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On this episode of "Today I Learned": Contemplate the reign of Phoenician ruler Bodashart I, who was first to tragically experience the unfortunate effects of cheap bagged wine on the digestive system
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My 86-year old second husband and I have 12 kids between us. Can you help us keep all their names straight?
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NASA is learning more about how the planet is changing and the effect that has on Earth's systems, no longer has to worry about the effects of sharpies
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New research shows why so many police unions oppose mandatory body cams for their officers
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On this day 35 years ago, the Soviet Union gave the world the gift that keeps on giving
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| (Some Guy) |
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NHL on NBC done after this year... Turner Sports to get the second package alongside ESPN/ABC
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Father pulls 9-year-old daughter out of $43,000/year private school and moves to Florida to avoid having her hear about Black Lives Matter. "First and foremost, neither I, nor my child, have 'white privilege,' nor do we need to apologize for it"
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Ron Wood beats cancer twice, credits all those years of extensive therapy at the K. Richards clinic
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We have no experience with elections and are run by a conspiracy theorist, so clearly the methods we use in auditing the election must be kept secret and not revealed to the courts, and I cannot trust the wine in front of you
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Researcher - who is totally NOT a bot - says Skynet is neither sky nor net
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Director Steven Soderbergh was given a blank check to re-imagine the Oscars ceremony after a very weird year for the movie industry as a whole, and he went with the "High School Drama Club Awards Banquet in the Cafeteria" vibe
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Supreme Court will hear a major NRA-backed gun rights case over a 1913 statute that limits New Yorkers from carrying concealed handguns while in public. Way to read the room guys
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If you burn though 119 personal assistants in just five years, there's a teeny-tiny chance that it might not be them, but YOU
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Beans, beans. They're good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you are likely to find a big mother-farking snake next to them on the shelf in Target
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After four years under Trump of spending money like drunk sailors in a whorehouse, Republicans are struggling to redefine themselves as the party of fiscal responsibility now that Democrats are in charge
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The pandemic irrevocably altered family life, and there are things that parents want to keep going. What, if anything, do you hope remains in the family dynamic from this year of hell?
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Danish authorities charge priest with killing wife, body missing. Hydrochloric acid and caustic soda was found in their home and computer searches for "sea depth," "oil barrels," "suicide," "disappeared" and "cleaning" probably didn't help his case
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Kazakhstan's state-backed Research Institute for Biological Safety Problems rolls out its own homegrown covid vaccine. Very nice
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Researchers say there's "little benefit" to the Covid "6-foot rule" especially when wearing masks inside. We are so boned
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That sound you heard last night during the Oscars was millions of people collectively changing the channel
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Florida couple claimed to have saved $2250 at Walmart by finding 50 weighted blankets on clearance for $5 each, marked down from $50. No word on why they needed 50 weighted blankets though
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"My ex and I have an 11 year-old daughter; we live hours apart. He refuses to pay child support and constantly tells our daughter that he'll see her when 'mommy buys a ticket.' It's stressing our daughter out. Can I tell her the truth about this?"
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Apple building a $1bil, 3,000-employee campus in the Raleigh, NC, Research Triangle area mostly to remind Duke of how much they suck
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Netflix CEO Reed Hastings made $43 million last year, could have bankrolled another season of MST3K with his pocket change
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"I've always had amazing sex with my wife, but the past two years, it's been on the decline. I'd like to know what to do"
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Russian and Chinese propaganda have been appearing on U.S. broadcast programming. Now the FCC wants you to know which programs are airing it
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In defense of "We Built This City." It's nowhere near as awful as "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now"
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Enterprising homeowner made $50,000 last summer by renting out his heated saltwater pool during the pandemic. Subby made about tree fiddy with his homemade carnival featuring a tire swing ride, a bedbug petting zoo, and your mom the bearded lady
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Horton Hears a Horribly Strained Comparison
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| Sun April 25, 2021 |
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Half-Scoop announces his upcoming heart attack
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Alicia encounters John Glover who's portraying a mortician serial killer. Is he the leader of the next big threat for the Morgan Marauders? But this episode told from Rúben Blades' perspective, so that's positive. Fear the Walking Dead, 9 PM ET on AMC
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Strapped for ideas, editors steal and reprint a deadly python story from WaPo... that's 3 years old. Predictably, news aggregators across the web republish the story as new
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| (Some Guy) |
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Crew-2 nearly had a major malfunction but were prepared for possible "conjunction" and avoided punction
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Could Biden be the "grey champion" predicted to arise after a period of social upheaval in a book published 25 years ago?
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After a year of parents serving as their substitute teachers, students who flunk a standardized reading test are about to be held back for a year
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Talledega. Just the word can invoke fear of The Big One. The Geico 500, coverage begins at 2 PM ET on FOX
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In no real surprise to anyone, all those Voter Suppression laws from GOP dominated state legislatures have one single GOP "lawyer" behind them. Cleta Mitchell? Hmmm where have I heard that name before
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This week at Tin Soldier, Happy 4th Birthday to a free web serial by a farker. Bonus art, a book, an event and, oh yeah, an installment wherein Mordecai makes it very clear why we vaccinate
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| (Medievalists.Net) |
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For example, the name John le farker appears in 1278, but this likely could be just a different spelling for the word 'fulcher' which means soldier
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Can we terraform Mars into an Earth-like habitat? Dr Carol Marcus unavailable for comment
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Larry Kudlow shocked and disgusted to find out that in Biden's America people are forced to drink beer made from *hand clutches pearls* plants
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Sunday PL: Wolves and Burnley in the early match, Burnley need points but will the Wolves care enough to stop them? Leeds and Man U could go either way, and West Brom is on the edge of the abyss against Aston Villa. 7:00 am ET on NBCSN/Peacock+
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Not news: 7-year-old boy saves his allowance for new fishing rod. Still not news: He takes it out to try his luck. Fark: He lands 83-pound catfish
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| (Some Guy) |
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$300k for 7,400 square feet. Clearly this is a steal
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| Sat April 24, 2021 |
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Historic 110-year old pub forced to close because A: It had a fire? B: The roof collapsed? or C: Its beer garden is too tall?
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DMX has monster truck hearse at his memorial
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Terror in southern England as dozens are felled in the dead of night. UPDATE: Police had arrested a 24-year-old man in connection with the attacks, which had claimed at least 35 lives
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Saturday Night MMA: UFC 261 with three title fights. Usman vs Masvidal 2, Zhang vs Namajunas, and Shevchenko vs Andrade. Early prelims at 6 PM ET on ESPN 2, Prelims at 8 PM ET on ESPN, PPV main card at 10 PM ET
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"Let's dim the Sun" say American businessmen, who forgot everything on Earth eats plants
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Not saying aliens are probably lurking under the surface of Mars right now, but since the Sun is there ... aliens are definitely under the surface of Mars and waiting to take over the Earth
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After fifty years, Sparks and Todd Rundgren have reunited
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Why did this not catch on? Disappearing car doors
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A single dose of prescription mushrooms can relieve anxiety and depression for five years. Five glorious, colorful, seeing the universe in your palm like wow dude years
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Judge orders names of jurors kept secret after fears of gang retaliation. The gang of blue and their supporters, that is
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Wear my sneakers, you must
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45 lost albums that the world needs to hear. Subby didn't know we were supposed to be looking for them
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Oklahoma woman charged with felony embezzlement over: A) her company's money, B) a relative's trust fund, or C) not returning a VHS tape from 21 years ago
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A cat that went missing four years ago in Colorado has finally been reunited with his person after a thousand-mile journey to Texas. Welcome to Caturday
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Here are ten great ways to say "thank you" to your child's teacher after this awful year
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"Everybody loves teddy bears." This guy a little too much
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| Fri April 23, 2021 |
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Climate Deniers: "Humans can't change the climate." Climate: "You idiots actually managed to tilt the earth's axis"
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Rogue goes on dungeon crawl, searches for secret doors and treasure
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The sheet music to Piano Man has been "horribly" wrong for years. So just like every other Billy Joel song then?
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After the former Maryland medical examiner testified that Floyd maybe possibly died from carbon monoxide or a heart attack and not from Chauvin suffocating him, Maryland is re-examining every "in custody" death he signed off on
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A year late and 10 times the price that would make it useful
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Cop appeals 20 year sentence. Judge: "Lol, you found out"
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With Season 1 nearing a close, it's time for some uncomfortable truths to start coming out in Episode 7 of Invincible, 'We Need To Talk', now streaming on Amazon
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C'mon, that's only four corruption cases on the city council in two years. You make it sound like we have a problem when it's a strictly isolated incident that comes up again and again
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South Dakota high school rodeo club: On second thought, maybe we won't host a Slave/Branding Auction this year
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One year ago today: You need to let UV light and bleach hit you in the anus
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The Rolling Stones released Sticky Fingers 50 years ago today
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The Oscars always get it wrong. Here are the real best pictures of the past 45 years. Well, mostly
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