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headlines found matching 'Crime'

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Sat May 30, 2020
		Florida man on death row finds out another man has since confessed to killing the victim. Florida judge: "Sorry, that's not 'new evidence', you get to stay on death row" source: upi.com \| share:	63
		There are police reforms that help everyone, are sensible, straightforward, cost-saving, and have bipartisan support. Who's preventing those reforms? Yeah, you guessed it source: texasobserver.org \| share:	150
		Drug dealers are going corporate. Why yes, the Business tag seems totally appropriate, and the Interesting tag barely beat out the ironic tag. No, subby is not talking about Big Pharma source: marketwatch.com \| share:	10

Fri May 29, 2020
		Today in magic bullets: 7 protesters surrounding a police car in Louisville were shot last night, but it's 'unclear who shot them' source: nytimes.com \| share:	71
		Man charged with hate crimes for attempting to locate and kill North Koreans, in move that might hearten survivors of Heartbreak Ridge or the Chosin Reservoir if he hadn't been looking for them in an apartment complex gym source: kiro7.com \| share:	37
		Detroit Chief of Police on killing of George Floyd "Based on what I saw on that video, there's no question I would have directed an arrest. This was murder." When Detroit calls you out, you know you've failed source: detroitnews.com \| share:	155
		Man 'stoned to death' at 15th century castle in Kent, England. Thankfully this wasn't France where cows would have been used source: metro.co.uk \| share:	45
		CNN camera crew arrested on live TV in Minneapolis. They were standing where they were instructed to. The area was secured. UPDATE: They've been released source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	404
		Police called in to control crowds as beer is once again available in Mexico. It's not news, it's Fark.mx source: ktsm.com \| share:	8
		Skateboarders are beginning to reclaim their natural habitat: Water parks source: 10news.com \| share:	22

Thu May 28, 2020
		Man spends 24 hours vandalizing high school. What's that you say? Florida? Yes, of course, he was naked source: local10.com \| share:	26
		Master Thief hopes to catch a break in sentence for 'Murphing' Brink's warehouse, in which $90M went up in flames after being set alight by a thermal lance. It's true, in crime, you have to watch where you're Murphing source: mynews13.com \| share:	25
		It's an older meme, but remember: keep your hands to yourself source: nypost.com \| share:	36
		Trump has hidden his crime so well he even fools Snopes source: snopes.com \| share:	70
		The infamous Ben Dover, subject of crude middle-school jokes, has pleaded guilty to felony drug offense source: joplinglobe.com \| share:	54
		Trump will kick thousands of Chinese students out of the country because he thinks they're spies source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	68
		Smugglers attempted to push $16 million worth of heroin through Heathrow by putting the drugs inside fruit and nut boxes source: metro.co.uk \| share:	15

Wed May 27, 2020
		Russia wants the world to know it has NOT sent military personnel to Libya. They're still not busy in Crimea and Syria, among being idle nowhere else source: reuters.com \| share:	28
		Don Trump to police: "Hey, I'm not saying that people you arrest can get violent with you, but if you got to knock a few heads or 'accidentally' wack someone, I'm OK with it" source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	58
		Having a shoe fetish is old and busted, having a flip-flop fetish that makes you steal 100 pairs from the neighbors homes to use in randy romps with yourself is the new weirdness source: nypost.com \| share:	26
		Legal "scholars" embarrass themselves by writing to the "judge" in the Michael Flynn case to express their concern for the "rule of law" if the case is dismissed, just because he "pled guilty" to "crimes" source: thefederalist.com \| share:	65
		Anti-Semitic crime rises in Germany from the far right. History may not repeat, but it's sure got a beat you can goose step to source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	30
		Besides the tattoos, their biggest life mistake was stealing a Saturn (with mugshot goodness) source: ksdk.com \| share:	41
		New whistleblower complaint says Facebook hasn't shared true information about the drug trade and other illegal activities it's allowing source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	48

Tue May 26, 2020
		Thieves break into concession stand at Arkansas sports complex, use it as personal kitchen source: wreg.com \| share:	12
		Unless you live in Chicago, the pandemic has caused a reduction in crime source: nytimes.com \| share:	22
		Naked man arrested in the road in Myrtle Beach. With 'Yep, he's naked' video source: wavy.com \| share:	12
		Christian teacher charged with soliciting male prostitute after claiming black men kidnapped him. Fred Garvin shocked source: metroweekly.com \| share:	43
		The Justice Department launching an investigation into Ahmaud Arbery's death as a hate crime. Better late than never source: cbsnews.com \| share:	29
		Who do you cheer for when a drunk driver hits a man accused of running from the scene of an assault? source: azfamily.com \| share:	28

Mon May 25, 2020
		Japanese man busted after swimming across Imperial moat to reach palace grounds, didn't even get to learn if princess was in another castle source: japantoday.com \| share:	13
(Some Guy)		Wait, that's an option when you're getting robbed? source: lakemchenryscanner.com \| share:	42
		OK, one more time, everybody. When you are wanted for crimes, DO NOT LIVESTREAM YOURSELF. Although your live arrest should be great for traffic. With, it goes without saying, video goodness source: news-journalonline.com \| share:	13

Sun May 24, 2020
		Not News: 65 year old Texas man dies. News: due to injuries from aggressive consensual sex from his better half. Fark: an 81 year old man. UltraFark: whom he's related to source: kctv5.com \| share:	116
		'Empty the jails' beneficiary can't handle the freedumbs of outside life, gets rearrested in 45 minutes after being released source: denver.cbslocal.com \| share:	56

Sat May 23, 2020
		It's not a good idea to rob a bank where the teller may recognize you as a customer. Do you understand that, Mr. Fire Department Captain? source: msn.com \| share:	13

Fri May 22, 2020
		♫ I need a HERO So I'll just hop across the highway and borrow it til the end of the night He's got to be strong and he's got to be fast ♫ and wow that cop is strong and fast source: ajc.com \| share:	15
		Walking down main street naked while totally sober? That takes some balls source: metro.co.uk \| share:	56
		Reprimand your drunk brother for creating a ruckus? Serious business source: thehindu.com \| share:	15

Thu May 21, 2020
		The Scope of the Ahmaud Arbery shooting has evolved, and now William Bryan (no, not that one) has been arrested. Clarence Darrow unavailable for comment source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	175
(Some Guy)		People are fighting to get into newly reopened Ross. THEY WERE ON A BREAK (with video) source: kurv.com \| share:	46
		Ankle monitors on accused violent offenders deactivated after program runs out of money source: wreg.com \| share:	23
		"Everywhere you look" there's a plea deal source: tmz.com \| share:	47

Wed May 20, 2020
		"If you mow a penis, they will come" source: nypost.com \| share:	29
		Signs that people aren't handing the reopening too well in Wisconsin: Police say they're looking for a man who was caught on video doing push-ups on a moving vehicle source: patch.com \| share:	14
		Retirement hobbies expand from golf and fishing to sadomasochism and murder source: click2houston.com \| share:	16
		3,000 partygoers at Florida block party claim it was racially targeted by authorities, not just full of stupid partygoers source: 9news.com.au \| share:	47
		Police would like to remind you that the sex offender registry is not for vigilante justice source: omaha.com \| share:	80
		Responsible gun owner uses his 2nd Amendment right to protect his 1st Amendment right to not wear a mask source: nbcnews.com \| share:	179
		While some of these are true crimes against nature, some of them actually sound interesting. What weird food is your area known for? source: cracked.com \| share:	82
		Australians can be just as stupid as Americans with 1 in 8 blaming Bill Gates for COVID19 source: zdnet.com \| share:	16

Tue May 19, 2020
		Nanny-state to make alcohol-fueled crime offenders wear 'sobriety tags'; adulterers wear a red alphanumeric symbol source: theguardian.com \| share:	62
		Nanny-state to make alcohol-fueled crime offenders wear 'sobriety tags'; adulterers wear a red alphanumeric symbol source: theguardian.com \| share:	62
		Old news: Outside prosecutor brought in to consider charges against the men who killed Ahmaud Arbery . New News: and also, an outside JUDGE to hear the case source: apnews.com \| share:	81

Mon May 18, 2020
		Escaped inmate recaptured after police able to follow his contrail source: wvtm13.com \| share:	9
		Judge denies request by 'delusional' Martin Shkreli to be released to conduct COVID-19 research source: ktla.com \| share:	37
		Man angry about virus closure attacks couple. To be fair, a good sense of closure is hard to come by these days source: aol.com \| share:	25
		32 year old woman trying to kiss strangers calls 911 to complain the bar she was at wasn't properly social distancing source: clickorlando.com \| share:	74
		Nothing like mushroom hunting out in the woods this time of year. White morels, pheasant backs, hen of the woods, human corpse, black mo- wait, what? source: mlive.com \| share:	42
		Stop me if you've heard this one: A guy residing in a mammoth hole for past three years calls out, "Justice Department must get off the sidelines and do its job, regardless of whose political interests might be damaged" source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	16

Sat May 16, 2020
		To sum up: Trump has fired the FBI chief and deputy and four IGs for investigating his crimes, the DoJ chief for not blocking the coverups, and multiple intel officials for not lying about his crimes. Nothing to see here. All is normal source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	82
		Hawaii requires a 14-day quarantine for all out-of-state visitors. Let's see what happens when a New Yorker goes to the beach instead source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	128
		Two NFL players who robbed a poker party claim it wasn't them. Let's see if the judge calls their bluff source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	25

Fri May 15, 2020
		Imagine if Trump had been president in 1940 source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	86
		Teach a man to start a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life, and the DC police will be looking for you source: fox5dc.com \| share:	15
		"A grandmother of eight, Washington City resident Rebecca 'Becky' Collet says she was surprised when she walked into her kitchen Tuesday morning and saw a man she didn't know wearing nothing but boxers and socks and eating food from her fridge" source: abc4.com \| share:	21
		Trump on Twitter: OBAMAGATE is the the biggest political crime and scandal in the history of the USA". Obama "knew EVERYTHING." Obama responds on Twitter: "Vote" source: thehill.com \| share:	163

Thu May 14, 2020
		USA purges The Purge source: deadline.com \| share:	14
		America's Finest News Source is here with the explainer in the killing of Ahmaud Arbery that will finally clear up all the questions source: theonion.com \| share:	95
		Bill Barr can't investigate Obama due to arguments made by...Bill Barr. So will you reject your reality to substitute your own? source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	45
		Trump's former personal physician and one -time VA Secretary nominee, Dr Ronny "feelgood"Jackson goes full MAGAt and tweets that Obama, we "weaponized the highest levels of our government to spy on President Trump". BTW he's running for Congress source: thehill.com \| share:	80

Wed May 13, 2020
		Assault with a deadly bouquet source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	32
		NYPD Commissioner doesn't quite say "those people" when responding to why approximately 90% of those arrested for social distancing violations were Black and Hispanic source: wcbs880.radio.com \| share:	38
		Awww, John Roberts claims the ConSupremes are very concerned that all the calls for congressional hearings into Don Cheeto's many crimes could be seen by the ConJustices as mere harassment source: reuters.com \| share:	86
		Your passenger is dying and you don't know where to turn? I'm Thinking ARBY"S source: thenewsherald.com \| share:	7
		Mugshot of the Year? Bonus info: Was once arrested for "licking a man's face" source: koin.com \| share:	61

Tue May 12, 2020
		Lou Dobbs invents retroactive conspiracy thanks to Gym Jordan source: mediaite.com \| share:	43
		Today is the 200th birthday of Crimean War hero Florence Nightingale whose nursing reforms saved countless lives. To celebrate here is an article on how she used math to improve healthcare source: cbc.ca \| share:	15
		Softbank did Nazi this coming source: businessinsider.com \| share:	9
		Not news: Police initiate traffic stop knowing driver doesn't have license, pursuit ensues. News: Car wrecks, police pull driver from car, it's the wrong driver. Fark: Police cruiser and pulled over vehicle both catch fire source: 1011now.com \| share:	40
		Tennessee appeals judges say it's OK to make creepy videos of women without their consent. So Cooter can film y'alls cooter ladies source: msn.com \| share:	109

Mon May 11, 2020
		Reporter: "You appeared to accuse Obama of a crime yesterday. What did he do?" Trump: "Obamagate." Reporter: "What crime, though?" Trump: "You know what crime." Resolved: Trump is a little hazy about Obama's crime, but he's sure he committed one source: thehill.com \| share:	209
		Just another example of the Patriarchy punishing a woman for daring to be a successful entrepreneur source: unionleader.com \| share:	25
		Last call for alcohol? That's a table flippin' and arrestin' (with "eeyup" mugshot goodness) source: wjhl.com \| share:	58
		During yesterday's Cat.5 tweetstorm, Trump accused Obama of "The biggest political crime in American history, by far"; ignoring the fact that in the United States there is no such thing as a "political crime"...yet, anyway source: theguardian.com \| share:	86
		The Ahmaud Arbery murder is so crooked that the Georgia attorney general wants the DOJ to investigate the early involvement of two DAs who later recused themselves source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	171

Sun May 10, 2020
		Sheriff believes deputies who took pictures of dead bodies at Kobe Bryant crash site deleted the pics, because they said they did. Also it appears that sharing pics of dead bodies at bars isn't as good at getting you laid as cops thought it would be source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	98
		ProTip: Police hot on your tail? Remember when you duck into that bush .... do not cut wind source: nzherald.co.nz \| share:	26

Fri May 08, 2020
		Nice work Chicago, even France has noticed source: france24.com \| share:	73
		They say the best days in a boat owner's life are the day he buys the boat, and the day he ends up in jail after crashing it while attempting to flee from police with it on a trailer source: kiro7.com \| share:	28
		Woman steals safe from discount store, when store detective stops her she tries to mace him with deodorant before showing him her butt. Then things start getting a little crazy (possible nsfw content on page) source: dailystar.co.uk \| share:	56
		Drug dealers in the UK are suffering during the lockdown, so they've taken to posing as joggers and NHS workers to peddle their wares source: theguardian.com \| share:	15

Thu May 07, 2020
		Christie's Bridgegate accomplices have convictions thrown out because "federal fraud statutes at issue do not criminalize all deception, corruption, abuse of power" source: motherjones.com \| share:	53
		'You got cocaine in my peanut butter' 'You got peanut butter in my cocaine' source: kron4.com \| share:	37
		Biden demonstrates that he knows that being a leader sometimes means taking a controversial stance on an issue, like calling for the prosecution of two GA men who chased down an unarmed black jogger in their pick-up and then shot him source: bbc.com \| share:	181

Wed May 06, 2020
		Criminal mastermind escapes from Cook County Jail by means of a cunning ruse whereby he pretended to be another inmate who was set to be released and donned an elaborate disguise...well, okay, a hoodie and a facemask source: chicago.suntimes.com \| share:	13
		Spuoɔǝs 09 uᴉ ǝuoפ source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	28
		♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ What a drag it is getting mooned ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ source: wsoctv.com \| share:	30
		Firecrotch, booze, cops, stun gun. Degree of difficulty: no Lohan or Florida source: nypost.com \| share:	22

Tue May 05, 2020
		Video showing the killing of Ahmaud Arbery in Brunswick, GA released. I am now seriously scared of what my son will face as he grows up source: cbsnews.com \| share:	280
		Hate crimes against Chinese soaring during COVID crisis source: news.sky.com \| share:	89

Mon May 04, 2020
		Florida Man stabs roommate in attempt to release Satan. Look, the Weekly World News taught me that Satan only escapes through oil wells that reach hell, so don't play those games with me source: clickorlando.com \| share:	20
		Another thing black people can't do without getting shot: Jogging source: cnn.com \| share:	81
		That guy that bashed Banana Man with his own ukulele has been released on a peal source: abc.net.au \| share:	21
		Maybe now we get to find out how the three seashells work source: comicbook.com \| share:	29

Sun May 03, 2020
		Christine O'Donnell: Oh, Biden wasn't even at the 2008 First State Gridiron Dinner I've accused him of being a pervert at? Must've been the 2007 one. NARRATOR: Biden didn't attend that one either source: foxnews.com \| share:	253

Sat May 02, 2020
		Arizona sheriffs refuse to enforce stay-at-home orders issued by Arizona governor. Difficulty: All are Republicans source: azfamily.com \| share:	108
		Your homemade sourdough bread could help scientists solve research questions in microbiology. However your homemade rye bread is a crime against humanity like all rye bread, and needs to be killed with fire source: cnn.com \| share:	55

Fri May 01, 2020
		Extortion: 2; Law. the crime of obtaining money or some other thing of value by the abuse of one's office or authority source: yahoo.com \| share:	31
		More Trump lies coming to you from the Trump Administration: Manhattan nursing home which reported only 13 coronavirus deaths to New York State forgets about the 80 or so because New York politicians know math source: gothamist.com \| share:	30
		Sex-crimes prosecutor: Why I don't believe Tara Reade source: usatoday.com \| share:	392

Thu April 30, 2020
		Fox News and John Turley believe Michael Flynn has been exonerated. No other legal minds appear to agree source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	42
		Mugshot happiness: Still has a smile on her face after being arrested for fleeing deputy who clocked her at 107 in a 45 zone -- but she did slow down 50 in a neighborhood before stopping at her house source: winknews.com \| share:	30
		ALIVE INSIDE; cops see increased graffiti during pandemic source: 5newsonline.com \| share:	22
		Florida man gets a DUI, gets released from jail, shaves mustache and goes and gets another DUI source: tampabay.com \| share:	29

Wed April 29, 2020
		You had one job source: 9news.com \| share:	33
		Woman stabs man with scissors. To her credit, she did not run away with them source: wearecentralpa.com \| share:	14
		I would like you to do us a favor, though source: vox.com \| share:	75
		That massive Hasidic funeral in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that NYC Mayor de Blasio complained about in a tweet was actually coordinated and approved by the NYPD source: gothamist.com \| share:	119
		Stone warrants released by DOJ source: theglobeandmail.com \| share:	44

Tue April 28, 2020
		Three crimes in one day? Those are rookie numbers source: wtsp.com \| share:	22

Mon April 27, 2020
		Always check the residence address three times before demolition or gorilla-suit pranks source: wkrn.com \| share:	25
		Always check the residence address three times before demolition or gorilla-suit pranks source: wkrn.com \| share:	25
		Juvenile correctional centers are now the latest Covid-19 hotspots source: usatoday.com \| share:	20
		Measures put in place to fight COVID-19, like stay-at-home and social distancing orders, help reduce homicide rates. St. Louis: Hold my toasted ravioli source: fox2now.com \| share:	43
		Tesco line jumper brought down by police source: metro.co.uk \| share:	21
		Florida Man arrested for murder after police find body in suitcase, proving once again that if you want to embark on a life of crime, you should get rid of your baggage first source: wftv.com \| share:	21
		Because people who drink a lot of beer together are good at staying away from each other, a UK government adviser says pub beer gardens should reopen as long as boozers can social distance source: thescottishsun.co.uk \| share:	20
		Static-X has dope band gear stolen...wait, I mean Static-X AND Dope have band gear stolen source: metalsucks.net \| share:	28
		Saudi Arabia will generously stop executing minors. Dismembering journalists still a-OK though source: bbc.com \| share:	21
		Saudi Arabia will generously stop executing minors. Dismembering journalists still a-OK though source: bbc.com \| share:	21
		Happy Holidays: Woman arrested for assaulting man with a candy cane source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	33
		Woman takes NYPD patrol car for a joyride and gets caught in the only traffic jam that Manhattan has seen in almost a month source: nypost.com \| share:	12
		Successful shooting won't spare you from being cut by Tulane Basketball team source: espn.com \| share:	4
		Listen and understand. That Sinister Minister is out there. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, EVER, until you are dead source: huffpost.com \| share:	58

Sun April 26, 2020
		Old and Busted: Catfishing to get a date. New Hotness: Catfishing to commit a federal crime source: startribune.com \| share:	24
		Looks like Trump can add sedition to his list of crimes against the country source: politicususa.com \| share:	134
		Driving on closed beach "out of boredom" doesn't merit any exceptions, Wannabe Florida Man source: tampabay.com \| share:	11

Sat April 25, 2020
		Couple caught bringing large amount of meth from Arizona to Minnesota, but it's the WTF mugshot that's the real story here source: bringmethenews.com \| share:	97
		As Jacksonville moves to retake the crown as The Murder Capital of Florida, the Sheriff talks to a reporter in what sounds like a scene from The Wire source: jacksonville.com \| share:	37

Fri April 24, 2020
		The Philly Spitter has been arrested. Let's breathe a sigh of relief source: 6abc.com \| share:	23
		Only in Florida would a fight break out over who gets to hand out free food for the impoverished source: local10.com \| share:	26

Thu April 23, 2020
		Man, Scott Baio sure has gone back in time and let himself go source: centralmaine.com \| share:	18
		Sign Outside Did Tell You source: thenewsherald.com \| share:	7
		Florida woman arrested for spitting chewed food into fruit bins, earning a $15,000 bail and lifelong membership into the Legion of Evil as 'The Masticator' source: clickorlando.com \| share:	40
		Newest animated kiddie film skipping theaters for VOD: Zac Efron and Amanda Seyfried's "Scoob" starring crime-solving CGI dog and his weird human friends source: people.com \| share:	23
		Kentucky attorney gets arrested for terroristic threats against Kentucky Governor, hires Kentucky attorney source: thehill.com \| share:	30
		Just when you thought this timeline couldn't get more weird source: azfamily.com \| share:	40

Wed April 22, 2020
		San Francisco woman likes to get drunk and make prank calls to police in Ohio, because why tie up local resources? source: cleveland.com \| share:	16
		With the federal small business rescue fund depleted and no word on whether more funding will be made available, scores of restaurants turning to muggings, petty theft, and street crime to make ends meet source: dallasnews.com \| share:	5
		Cybercrime isn't actually growing with the virus - its appeal is becoming more selective source: theregister.co.uk \| share:	0

Tue April 21, 2020
		KY state legislator arrested on domestic violence charges, including choking with an ethernet cable. Fark: guess the party. Double Fark: he voted to elevate strangulation to a felony back in 2019. Total Fark: got 39% vs Bevin last year in the primary source: courier-journal.com \| share:	46
		Arrest warrant issued for pastor Tony Spell. No wonder he asked all his parishioners to send him their stimulus checks, he's going to need bail money source: tmz.com \| share:	93
		Pulling a knife and threatening a news cameraman is an ineffective strategy for preserving one's anonymity source: latimes.com \| share:	44

Mon April 20, 2020
		Maybe you should ask the crackhead what he wants the knives for before driving him to a dollar store to buy knives source: lehighvalleylive.com \| share:	11
		It was a performance art piece called "2020" source: boston.com \| share:	13
		"The Anti-Mask League" is A) a new Marvel comic B) An anti-crime organization by police unions or C) a group of morons from 1919 who didn't believe in the Spanish Flu source: twitter.com \| share:	26

Sun April 19, 2020
		Pity the poor criminal lawyers. With no business coming in how will they ever survive? Y'all need to go out an commit some crimes to keep them going source: thestar.com \| share:	89

Fri April 17, 2020
		Governor Inslee responds to the president calling for open rebellion source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	84
		Remember, infected New Yorkers: when you recover, you're still in New York source: nbcnewyork.com \| share:	24
		You rob banks because that's where the money is. You self-isolate in someone else's (closed) restaurant because that's where the food and booze is. Lots of it source: nbcconnecticut.com \| share:	7
		Heinass crime thwarted source: ktla.com \| share:	22
		Heinass crime thwarted source: ktla.com \| share:	22

Thu April 16, 2020
		Two inmates decide to social distance themselves from a CoronaVirus infected jail source: nypost.com \| share:	20
		Liquor store owner gets jacked. One male suspect detained, two females have jacked off source: journalstar.com \| share:	15
		Non-viral sign of the times: So much of your personal data has been hacked that instruction manuals on how to use it are the latest hot property source: theregister.co.uk \| share:	4
		Three dumb men / Three dumb men / See how they run / See how they run / They all broke through the apartment door / The owner shot at them as they dodged and bled / Did you ever see such a sight in your life / As three dumb men? source: news4jax.com \| share:	71
		Florida Man rejects the idea that furloughing prisoners during the COVID-19 pandemic will save lives source: wbtv.com \| share:	22

Wed April 15, 2020
		Police uncover attempt to smuggle face masks into the country undetected by hiding them inside a shipment of cocaine source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	28
		Two out of three federal judges are extremely sorry they can't do anything for victims of Jeffrey Epstein. Third judge thinks the other two are assholes who gutted the Crimes Victims Rights Act of 2004, and Fark their condescending florid language source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	53
		Salt Lake City man saves John Connor from certain death source: abc4.com \| share:	27
		Prison in Goochland has Virginia's first inmate to die of COVID-19. In other news...GOOCHLAND? source: pilotonline.com \| share:	57

Tue April 14, 2020
		We are all going through a tough time right now being socially isolated during this uncertain time, but honking your horn like a jackass and ending up in your underwear on someone else's roof isn't going to make those zoom hangouts any more bearable source: clickondetroit.com \| share:	6
		All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, You'd better run, better run, out run my gun source: nbcnews.com \| share:	47

Sun April 12, 2020
		After robbing bank, teenager stops in the lobby, enjoys an "adult beverage", and waits for the cops to show up source: pe.com \| share:	24
		Home invader pulls out a knife, homeowner pulls out a chainsaw. It is the way of the Yoopers source: uppermichiganssource.com \| share:	113

Sat April 11, 2020
		Major U.S. cities are doing better, and all it took was a pandemic source: theguardian.com \| share:	63

Fri April 10, 2020
		Meanwhile, in Alabama, still keeping the "noose out front should have told you" riff relevant source: whnt.com \| share:	30
		Meanwhile, in Alabama, still keeping the "noose out front should have told you" riff relevant source: whnt.com \| share:	30
		Wife of astronaut indicted for lying about space crime. Odo is on the case source: kxly.com \| share:	14

Thu April 09, 2020
(Gourd E. Howe)		Aspersions cast, penis bitten. Bonus questionable pic of what ow my balls might look like source: ghanaweb.com \| share:	28
		That night you were singing in the club and that actress picked you up .... never happened. We'll discuss it later, they need you on the set. Quentin wants you in the next scene source: gizmodo.com \| share:	87
		Who knew so many Mongols lived in Moscow? source: npr.org \| share:	35
		Manchester police had to shut down 660 parties last weekend as more and more people join Team Virus source: bbc.com \| share:	19

Wed April 08, 2020
		Kentucky man whose sentence was commuted by former Governor Bevin arrested on federal child pornography charges source: nbcnews.com \| share:	72
		Kentucky man whose sentence was commuted by former Governor Bevin arrested on federal child pornography charges source: nbcnews.com \| share:	72
		Los Angeles finally finds a way to lower its crime rates. Sure it took a massive pandemic, but still source: losangeles.cbslocal.com \| share:	16
		Paramedic popped for coughing on store cashier source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	25

Tue April 07, 2020
		Ohio state Rep. Tavia Galonski is mad as hell and not going to tolerate Trump's press conference lies anymore, and is making a referral for crimes against humanity to The Hague's International Criminal Court source: god.dailydot.com \| share:	79
		You know, handing your baby off to a bystander is the right thing to do if you are involved in a police chase source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	14
		"The resident at the time had a muzzleloader pistol on him." Because that's a totally normal thing to carry in the 21st century source: mlive.com \| share:	85
		You be pleased to know that, after further review, the crime statistics for outer space have dropped from one to zero source: abc13.com \| share:	13
		If you were looking to angry up for a few minutes, you came to the right place. Cardinal Pell has all charges overturned by Australia's High Court, leading to his immediate release source: bbc.com \| share:	51
		If dancing in a public street in your underwear while swinging a golf club is wrong, then I don't want to be right. Bonus: "The affidavit did not state whether the club was a driver, wedge, putter or iron" source: tcpalm.com \| share:	18

Sun April 05, 2020
		Man in U-Haul parking lot throws firecracker at woman during dispute. What's the worst that could happen? source: kezi.com \| share:	67

Sat April 04, 2020
		That's not a pursuit. THIS is a pursuit source: abc.net.au \| share:	35

Fri April 03, 2020
		So remember those stories of fathers catching their kids smoking, so they make them smoke a whole pack as punishment? It's like that, but replace the father with the NYPD, and smoking with "failing to social distance" source: theintercept.com \| share:	25

Thu April 02, 2020
		Stop criming people, if you haven't noticed we got us a crisis going on here source: merriam-webster.com \| share:	15
		Stop criming people, if you haven't noticed we got us a crisis going on here source: merriam-webster.com \| share:	15
		Trump Crime Syndicate begging Palm Beach County and international mob financiers Deustche Bank for money source: nytimes.com \| share:	57
		Wife's hatred of COVID-19 equaled only by her love of fireball whiskey source: tcpalm.com \| share:	37
		Hawaii 5-0oo$ source: cnn.com \| share:	25
		Remember those Bugs Bunny cartoons, where a disgraced Mountie would have his uniform ripped apart piece by piece? Turns out, there's a PD in New Mexico that does that when they arrest one of their own [with video goodness] source: krqe.com \| share:	50

Wed April 01, 2020
		Due to pandemic, federal prisoners given home release and a quarantine. Problem is, criminals aren't big rule followers source: vox.com \| share:	21
		What's all this, then? Oh, you refuse to answer? Then choke on this 600 pound ticket source: news.sky.com \| share:	51
		The sign on the door didn't say, "No Kentuckians" How was he supposed to know? Buried lede: Indiana has no hate crime laws source: wcax.com \| share:	31
		As it becomes increasingly clear that crowded jails are a hotspot for COVID-19, police in many localities are adopting a more hands-off approach to law enforcement. New Orleans: Don't care, jaywalked source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	25
		Florida Man arrested for trying to infect Hawaii source: wfla.com \| share:	14
		Today's Mad Libs headline: "Hempfield bicyclist with history of petty crimes charged with throwing traffic cone into creek" source: triblive.com \| share:	11

Tue March 31, 2020
		Today's dipshiat about to be slapped with bioterrorism charges for spreading the Covid is from Flint, Michigan source: mlive.com \| share:	47
		Is "attempted grift" a crime? Asking for a nation source: theatlantic.com \| share:	21
		Meme of Trump as Joe Exotic, a polygamous tiger breeder currently in prison, is currently making rounds online thanks to... Donald Trump Jr source: indy100.com \| share:	62
		Bowser promises to shoot fireballs and jail people who leave their homes source: nypost.com \| share:	28
		Criminals taking a hit because of pandemic. Fewer stores to rob or shoplift from, fewer pedestrians to mug, too many people at home to burglarize source: fox29.com \| share:	53
		Bill Cosby's lawyers are back with a new reason that their client should be immediately released from prison. Yup, it has to do with coronavirus source: fox29.com \| share:	37

Mon March 30, 2020
		Grim Sleeper found grimly not sleeping source: cbsnews.com \| share:	38
		Florida Governor Ron Desantis (R-ed Hat) socially distances nasty reporters from press conference source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	25

Sun March 29, 2020
(Some Mayoral Guy)		Nobody: Do you know who I am? Clerk: No, but I know who you're not source: clayconews.com \| share:	30
		New Jersey cops break up 47-person "Corona Party" going on in a 550-square-foot apartment during this coronavirus pandemic. "This is not a game" source: nj.com \| share:	155

Sat March 28, 2020
		Britain is invoking the wartime spirit to get through the coronavirus ordeal, and no one is more eager to get back to those days than thieves and black marketeers source: theguardian.com \| share:	40

Fri March 27, 2020
		Granny involved in heroin-for-meth deal. No word if toilet paper was going to be the player to be named later source: wjactv.com \| share:	9
		Let's see how Jon Jones is spending his coronavirus down time source: cnn.com \| share:	17

Thu March 26, 2020
		U.S. charges Maduro with narco-terrorism, apparently having forgotten all about Purdue Pharma source: bbc.com \| share:	52

Wed March 25, 2020
		"Crime wave of coronavirus-related incidents have surfaced across the UK with brazen thieves stealing food supplies from the elderly and police officers being 'coughed at' in the street as the country continues to battle the pandemic" source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	50
		Man licks deodorants at Walmart, posts on social media, given third Degree. Bravo. Very Suave source: riverbender.com \| share:	50

Tue March 24, 2020
		The Supreme Court has essentially eliminated insanity, which means that Trump supporters must now be regarded as self-aware and cognizant of their own actions source: npr.org \| share:	46
		The Supreme Court has essentially eliminated insanity, which means that Trump supporters must now be regarded as self-aware and cognizant of their own actions source: npr.org \| share:	46
		Every cloud has a silver lining as even NYC's criminals appear to be self-isolating upon discovering there is no one to mug thanks to coronavirus fears source: nypost.com \| share:	19
		Every cloud has a silver lining as even NYC's criminals appear to be self-isolating upon discovering there is no one to mug thanks to coronavirus fears source: nypost.com \| share:	19
		Man breaks into his parents' home while they are out of town. Does he steal a) money, b) toilet paper, or c) meatballs source: wearecentralpa.com \| share:	32

Mon March 23, 2020
		Blade Runner (c. 2019): Los Angeles polices city with drones. Real Life (c. 2020): Los Angeles polices city with drones source: nypost.com \| share:	32
		We know at least one Coronavirus test is being wasted: court orders Covid-19 test for death row inmate source: upi.com \| share:	33
		We know at least one Coronavirus test is being wasted: court orders Covid-19 test for death row inmate source: upi.com \| share:	33
		An ultra right-wing religious-run government will be ending the Death Penalty. Fark: Not Texas or Oklahoma source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com \| share:	18

Sun March 22, 2020
		When bringing an inmate into a jail intake area, make sure his cuffs are tight. Also make sure he doesn't have a gun source: clickorlando.com \| share:	23
		Stop: Collaborate and listen / ICE head is back with a recommendation / COVID: Is a thing and it's frightening / Low-risk detainees: let 'em out, like lightning source: theatlantic.com \| share:	42

Sat March 21, 2020
		I'll take Jessica the wife of Nicholas Brody on Homeland for $450.00, Alex source: eonline.com \| share:	95
		Man charged with terrorism for spreading false information about Coronavirus. Difficulty: Not Trump source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	95
		Florida man arrested for felony theft of toilet paper from hotel source: newsweek.com \| share:	61

Fri March 20, 2020
		Rush Township, PA police would like you to know that they will pick up your medication from the drug store or bring you food if you are stuck in your house source: wfmz.com \| share:	14
		Want to keep up with Senate stock market crimes? Here you go source: efdsearch.senate.gov \| share:	62
		Due to concern over COVID-19, New Zealand approves a really strict policy on new people entering the country source: bbc.com \| share:	26
		Due to concern over COVID-19, New Zealand approves a really strict policy on new people entering the country source: bbc.com \| share:	26
		'That's like leaving 2 bricks of gold in your car' source: theblaze.com \| share:	28
		'That's like leaving 2 bricks of gold in your car' source: theblaze.com \| share:	28
		Here's another reason why smoking is bad for you source: nbcnews.com \| share:	16
		Twitter bans nutbag Jack Burkman for posting fake COVID-19 into: "White House is making plans for food shortages in at least 32 states within two weeks. FEMA, along with national guard units, will distribute MREs [Meal, Ready-to-Eat]" source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	97

Thu March 19, 2020
		Two guys busted for smashing through a brick wall with sledgehammers in an attempt to steal 40 laptops. Subby tried to come up with a funnier headline, but those mugshots stopped him cold source: kentonline.co.uk \| share:	80
		New documentary exposes the Trump charlatans. Unfortunately, it's like a million hours long. That's funny because there are a lot of Trump charlatans. The cash grab for dumb dumbs is massive source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	31
		New documentary exposes the Trump charlatans. Unfortunately, it's like a million hours long. That's funny because there are a lot of Trump charlatans. The cash grab for dumb dumbs is massive source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	31
		Not one arrest, not even a DUI, in Butte, Montana on St. Patrick's Day. That's like spring break kids in Florida listening to sense and staying indoors source: mtstandard.com \| share:	21
		Hate crimes against Asians rising almost as fast as spread of COVID-19 source: people.com \| share:	145

Wed March 18, 2020
		Baltimore hospitals are short on COVID beds because the locals won't stop shooting each other source: baltimore.cbslocal.com \| share:	45
		Baltimore hospitals are short on COVID beds because the locals won't stop shooting each other source: baltimore.cbslocal.com \| share:	45
		(Knock-knock): Good Morning I'm here from the City Department to check your CoronaVirus. Also, where do you keep your jewelry and valuables? I should probably test those too source: wusa9.com \| share:	22
		It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But mostly it was the worst of times. Your morning covid tally report source: foxnews.com \| share:	32
		These businesses, like crime-scene cleanup, are busier than ever due to coronavirus source: tampabay.com \| share:	5
		Man charged for... Spins Wheel of Fark Misfortune Not tearing down a church source: altoonamirror.com \| share:	23

Tue March 17, 2020
		Please stop criming source: thehill.com \| share:	43
		Please stop criming source: thehill.com \| share:	43
		Man arrested for impersonating officer just days after going to jail for same crime. "Two days after his release and he is already up to his old tricks." Yup, Florida source: fox35orlando.com \| share:	8
		Prince George mausoleum is target of breaking and entering, again. He'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling surveillance cameras... on further review, he has gotten away with it so far source: princegeorgecitizen.com \| share:	12

Mon March 16, 2020
		How to make prisoners serve their "29 consecutive life sentences" source: nytimes.com \| share:	83
		How to make prisoners serve their "29 consecutive life sentences" source: nytimes.com \| share:	83
		Police search house and find 75 bags of fentanyl with an estimated street value of six rolls of toilet paper source: wearecentralpa.com \| share:	27
		Newport, Oregon police resort to posting long list of things people can wipe their asses with in an effort to get people to stop calling 911 because they ran out of toilet paper source: fox5ny.com \| share:	57
		Is Bjork heading to a Supermax Prison? Will Billie Eilish mumble a new hit record? source: startribune.com \| share:	43
		Paul Manafort is recovering from a minor cardiac event, in prison source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	56
		Osaka man created 2,000 fake accounts to reserve seats in baseball stadium, then canceled all tickets but his own so that he could have his space and stand out on TV. According to police, HE'S the asshole obstructing business source: soranews24.com \| share:	9

Sun March 15, 2020
		Prisoner has seen way too many prison escape movies. Guards have not been paying attention while watching prison escape movies source: metro.co.uk \| share:	19
		Thrice divorced woman petitions SCOTUS to uphold the sanctity of marriage. That's the joke source: newsweek.com \| share:	84

Sat March 14, 2020
		Due to the coronavirus, the police department is asking that all criminal activities stop until further notice. Fark: That is an actual statement from a police department source: ktul.com \| share:	48

Fri March 13, 2020
		Former Virginia House candidate Sheila Bynum-Coleman charged with revenge porn, eyes possible special envoy position in Trump administration source: wric.com \| share:	14

Thu March 12, 2020
		He was found guilty of 'official misconduct,' but the real crime is looking like he does, and wearing a bow tie anyway source: inquirer.com \| share:	41
		After an evening of hanging out together, drinking and smoking meth, a woman stabs her male partner in the throat and torso, then tried to choke him with a tie. The reason? He wouldn't go buy some more METH. Obvious tag, no meth tag available source: news-leader.com \| share:	37
		Shopkeeper thwarts would-be robber by throwing a pot of chili in his face. To make it even worse, there were no beans in the chili source: metro.co.uk \| share:	83
		Shopkeeper thwarts would-be robber by throwing a pot of chili in his face. To make it even worse, there were no beans in the chili source: metro.co.uk \| share:	83
		GOP senator introduces new bill that would ban lawmakers convicted of crimes from getting pensions source: thehill.com \| share:	48

Wed March 11, 2020
		Florida man strikes again. This time, he's naked and throwing rocks at cars source: clickorlando.com \| share:	9
		Man convicted for stealing $2 million from school district after sending email claiming he was from construction firm. District also sent money to three Nigerian princes and now has a ton of boner pills source: nbcdfw.com \| share:	3
		Telling the police that you love them and trying to kiss them is apparently frowned upon. Who knew? source: wearecentralpa.com \| share:	19
		Woman who hit 87-year-old German lady with her purse and called her a Nazi seems surprised by hate crime charge source: wgntv.com \| share:	82
		Sorry Ladies, D.C. Sniper Lee Boyd Malvo is off the market source: nydailynews.com \| share:	43
		Pastor who took the "laying on of hands" too literally is back in the pulpit source: jacksonville.com \| share:	29

Tue March 10, 2020
		Sexual abuser Harvey Weinstein's legal team pleads with judge that he'll die behind bars if he's sentenced to more than five years. Tiny violins pleas source: pagesix.com \| share:	40
		When an arrest goes wrong in Wisconsin it can hurt. He's got my d*** spray him, spray him already source: tmj4.com \| share:	48
		When an arrest goes wrong in Wisconsin it can hurt. He's got my d*** spray him, spray him already source: tmj4.com \| share:	48

Mon March 09, 2020
		Appropriate: Serving customer a cup of coffee. Inappropriate: Smashing a coffee pot over customer's head source: nbcnews.com \| share:	24
		As they say at Grand Central Station, no good deed goes unpunished source: nypost.com \| share:	9
		Bad, your car is stolen. Worse: Your Ring doorbell camera catches two people checking out your new car the next day source: wreg.com \| share:	57
		ProTip: After robbing the Voodoo Doughnut shop with an ax don't stop to eat a doughnut a block away. Mmm doughnuts source: usatoday.com \| share:	28

Sun March 08, 2020
		Appropriate: Tipping a carhop when she brings you a drink. Inappropriate: Demanding all the money in her apron source: sacurrent.com \| share:	28

Sat March 07, 2020
		New South Wales police called to a grocery store to stop a brawl over.....toilet paper. "There is no need for it. It isn't the Thunderdome, it isn't Mad Max, we don't need to do that." You know the law: three shoppers enter, one shopper leaves source: theguardian.com \| share:	62
		Cybercrimers are part of the gig economy source: scitechdaily.com \| share:	5
		Former Oklahoma candidate for governor found guilty of assault in shooting of process server. Guess which party he belongs to? Go ahead and guess ... because the article (for some reason) never mentions it source: kfor.com \| share:	59
		Former Oklahoma candidate for governor found guilty of assault in shooting of process server. Guess which party he belongs to? Go ahead and guess ... because the article (for some reason) never mentions it source: kfor.com \| share:	59
		Attention citizen: Your Google fitness app put you in the proximity of a burglary. Police have requested all of your data. You have seven days to hire a lawyer and appeal, or we will comply source: nbcnews.com \| share:	163
		Attention citizen: Your Google fitness app put you in the proximity of a burglary. Police have requested all of your data. You have seven days to hire a lawyer and appeal, or we will comply source: nbcnews.com \| share:	163
		Finally out of jail and looking for something to do? Break into the Courthouse, eat some Girl Scout cookies and jam to some Cardi B. Duh source: policeone.com \| share:	29
		Using stolen credit cards 101: Today's lesson, don't use your own store rewards card while also using a stolen credit card source: wcpo.com \| share:	28
		Using stolen credit cards 101: Today's lesson, don't use your own store rewards card while also using a stolen credit card source: wcpo.com \| share:	28
		Wielding the "Ancient Sword of the Meth King" will not protect you from getting arrested source: globalnews.ca \| share:	38

Fri March 06, 2020
		He must have had a big-ass hovercraft source: bbc.com \| share:	19
		C'mon Texas, that ain't no kind of way to treat a Bartender source: actionnewsnow.com \| share:	51
		U.S. DoJ prosecutions of white-collar crime fall to their lowest level on record, so again, congrats on being a middle-aged white guy scumbag source: marketwatch.com \| share:	8
		Arsonist sets barbershop alight for 2nd time in less than two weeks; owner proclaims it's shear torcher source: stuff.co.nz \| share:	22
		"I never thought it would happen to me," says man beaten and cuffed for resisting arrest for the dual crimes of walking peacefully down the street and asking an NYPD officer for ID when stopped source: amny.com \| share:	134

Thu March 05, 2020
		Dubya-appointed judge calls Barr a filthy liar source: cnn.com \| share:	36
		Although it normally happens the other way around, fast food worker shoots at customers after order mix-up source: wctv.tv \| share:	40
		Mike Pompeo, Mike Pompeo... Mike Pompeo. Mike Pompeo, Mike Pompeo... Mike Pompeo. Mike Pompeo Mike Pompeo... Oh, oh, oh Mike Pompeo denounces probe of possible U.S. war crimes in Afghanistan. Come and rock me Mike Pompeo source: politico.com \| share:	36
		How far has world confidence in the US slipped since Trump took office? For the first time ever the ICC to investigate alleged war crimes committed by U.S. military forces, CIA personnel source: thehill.com \| share:	43
		Federal Appellate Court rules that if police say that they can smell the devil's lettuce they can turn your home into a tossed salad source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	84

Wed March 04, 2020
		Wasted Days and Wasted Nights: Couple let their 3 y.o. daughter get high on meth. Was going to go with Mother and Father but source: metro.co.uk \| share:	32
		"Alleged Roomba attacker facing 10 years in prison." Cats everywhere placed on death row source: kfor.com \| share:	25
		Former Pro Counter-Strike player receives 116-year sentence for fraud, spawn camping with AWP source: kotaku.com \| share:	20
		El Kabong shot dead by Arizona police after beating his 4-year-old son to death with a guitar source: fox5dc.com \| share:	99

Tue March 03, 2020
		Sorry, I must have the wrong address, but as long as I'm here, gimme all your stuff source: staradvertiser.com \| share:	15
		Boris Johnson orders police to ignore "low-level crime" during the Coronavirus outbreak. So, looting is legal now, I guess source: metro.co.uk \| share:	24
		Florida Man goes to Florida restaurant and shows them how eggs over easy are done source: news4jax.com \| share:	16
		The unnamed airman "knew or should have known" to "refrain from urinating in the squadron coffee maker" source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	51
		Disgruntled UPS worker accused of attempting to deliver 20,000 rounds of ammunition to his workplace source: nydailynews.com \| share:	46
		Police catch dog driving car source: msn.com \| share:	6
		Drunk driver? Check. With two flat tires? Check. Open container of alcohol? Check. Drives into a ditch? Check. Runs away barefoot? Check. Karate kicks arresting officers? Check. Assaults EMT? Check. Florida? Well, can't check them all source: newjersey.news12.com \| share:	17

Mon March 02, 2020
		Some people would prefer 60 Minutes not try to promote convicted war criminals source: thehill.com \| share:	52
		Man who says his dad was the Zodiac Killer opens up about his father's crimes, career as junior senator from Texas source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	29
		Brawl-arity ensues after someone dares to ask a woman to lift her shirt in exchange for Mardi Gras beads source: ktvu.com \| share:	79
		Teenage boy decides to start using Instagram to share book reviews. The bullies come out in force, but so do the authors and 150,000 others to defend the youthful bibliophile. Sometimes, the internet works source: metro.co.uk \| share:	20

Sun March 01, 2020
		Woman says it "wasn't her best choice" to push two kids into a ball pit. Considering the father of one the kids is James Harrison that statement is probably more true than she realizes source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com \| share:	11
(Some Guy)		It was all business at the front and party at the back for this year's Mulletfest, and you can read all about in the court and crime section of the newspaper source: newcastleherald.com.au \| share: