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headlines found matching 'Constable'
Sun July 15, 2018
(Newschannel 9)
 
 
 
Is your local police department running short of basic supplies, like bullets and latex gloves? Well, if you're in Tennessee you could always host a BBQ fundraiser. Sure beats a tax hike
source: newschannel9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat July 14, 2018
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Actual line from article: "Normal goats don't usually hang out at bars and get in standoffs with police"
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(11 Alive)
 
 
 
Cops use coin toss to decide if suspect gets speeding ticket or arrested for reckless driving on body cam footage. Guess who got tails
source: 11alive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tucson News Now)
 
 
 
If you were having some illegal drugs shipped to you UPS and they haven't arrived yet, the Union Pacific RR Police have some news for you
source: tucsonnewsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 13, 2018
(BBC)
 
 
 
Man drives car while sitting on a bucket and steering with pliers. Norfolk, the Florida of Great Britain
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu July 12, 2018
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
The Biscayne Bay PD had an almost 100% "solve" rate for burglaries committed in their jurisdiction, but some nay-sayers make take issue with the chief's innovative "pick a random black guy and pin the crime on them" investigation method
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SacBee)
 
 
 
Details of revenge for drug deal emerge in Yolo murder case. If only there was some kind of saying or slogan to mark the occasion
source: sacbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue July 10, 2018
(Kansas.com)
 
 
 
It took a Taser to arrest a kicking, scratching, biting councilwoman, Kansas cops say. Why yes, this article does include what is perhaps the best mugshot ever
source: kansas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSAT San Antonio)
 
 
 
Officers executing search warrant for cocaine find: a) cocaine. b) methamphetamine. c) you don't want to know
source: ksat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPTV Portland)
 
 
 
Burglar breaks into an escape room and the fact that you're reading this here will tell you how that went
source: kptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
'Miracle' baby saved after being buried alive for nine hours, is immediately given medical treatment and David Blaine's business card
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
91 year old Mexican man who traveled to California to see his family for the 4th of July is greeted with a) a hug, b) a flag, c) a brick
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon July 09, 2018
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Oblivious woman drives away with wrong car from Walmart parking lot. Two weeks later, car-rental firm points out she's returning an Infiniti instead of a Sentra
source: nationvalleynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
UK launches murder investigation after Russian nerve agent kills innocent civilian. Man, that agent has some nerve
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat July 07, 2018
(Reason Magazine)
 
 
 
Cop: Sit down on the curb. Extend your legs or you're getting tazed. Extend your legs. Now cross them at the ankles. Ha, I didn't say Simon says BZZZZZ
source: reason.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri July 06, 2018
(KTVZ Bend)
 
 
 
"You sold me that pot, man, wouldn't get a fly high" (pulls knife)
source: ktvz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
Suspicious gym bag in Houston turned out to be bag of DAAAWWW
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu July 05, 2018
(WHIO Dayton)
 
 
 
Police desperately want to find this armed and dangerous man. If only he didn't blend into crowds so easily
source: whio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 Now Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Blue lives matter, unless you pull your scrotum out at a bar party, then you just get fired
source: fox4now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 04, 2018
(CBC)
 
 
 
Two people attacked with Russian nerve agent Novichok on British soil. This is not a repeat from March ... [cue ominous music] ... or is it?
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Woman twice tells courts that ex-husband is too dangerous to keep his guns. Court twice tells woman that ex-husband is a good, upstanding, law-abiding gun owner, so there's nothing they can do. And now that it's on Fark, you can guess how this ends
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue July 03, 2018
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
In a story that bears repeating, check out this margarita-loving bear taking a dip in a hot tub
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon July 02, 2018
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Police release dashcam footage of low-speed tractor chase
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
If you see a shirtless, incoherent and delirious Florida Man running amok, you should pay attention, according to police
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Man who was feeling guilty decides to pay parking ticket. Fark: $5 parking ticket that is 44-years old
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
It's finally happening: the authorities are coming to take your guns. Well, at least if you're this screaming Florida woman arrested for chasing people around with a samurai sword
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
News anchor: "And now we go live to breaking news, with a potential terror attack occurring in this very studio. Over to you, random person breaking into our set"
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Nine people in Idaho, including six children, attacked with knife. At a toddler's birthday party
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun July 01, 2018
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
$1 million nationwide warrant issued for suspect in beheading death, as police warn he could beheading anywhere
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 29, 2018
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Do you want Robocop? Because this is how Omni Consumer Products started it all
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
It seems that along with "Permit Patty," "Pool Patrol Paula" has also lost her job after her shenanigans went viral
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Bad: Your teenager has a school hit list. Worse: Police find your home filled with loaded guns. Murica: All charges dropped, sorry to bother you fine citizens
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 28, 2018
(Herald Tribune (SW Florida))
 
 
 
"A victim identified the alleged gunman's face in police photographs." **Checks photo** Yeah, that's pretty distinctive
source: heraldtribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Capital Gazette shooter with no ID or fingerprints has been identified, police now investigating what's in the box (link updated)
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KCRG)
 
 
 
Wanted fugitives in Iowa fall for the old "free concert tickets if you show up" police sting scam
source: kcrg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Wisconsin man buys a shoe camera to take upskirt videos of women. Karma laughs, takes a sip of Pabst, tells friends "I got this"
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 27, 2018
(NYPost)
 
 
 
First there was BBQ Becky. Then came Permit Patty. Now let us meet Swimming Pool Stephanie
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kansas.com)
 
 
 
Police underdog Nacho helps sniff out $1 million worth of meth in a subwoofer box
source: kansas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 26, 2018
(Governing)
 
 
 
The end to police violence may soon come, and we'll have the insurance companies to thank
source: governing.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
Goochland mom shoots man who flew around the world to meet her daughter. The real question here is, how do they pronounce Goochland???
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
200 Police Support Units, a fleet of bomb-proof Cadillacs, dozens of Secret Service agents and 10,000 local LEO's prepare for Trump's visit to the very dangerous country of....England?
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 25, 2018
(The State)
 
 
 
Waitress tells man he was too drunk for another drink. He decides to prove her point
source: thestate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 23, 2018
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Man dresses up as clown to fight his $10 seat belt ticket in court. He's a County Board member, so it might very well be his normal attire
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 22, 2018
(WLKY Louisville)
 
 
 
"Father of the Year" police officer fired for using "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter" as a legal guideline
source: amp.wlky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 21, 2018
(My Northwest)
 
 
 
Bear the ESD-sniffing dog, famous for helping bust Subway's Jared in Indiana, has moved to Seattle to continue his work. "Bear, like any true veteran police officer, only works when he knows he's getting paid. So in Bear's case, payment is food"
source: mynorthwest.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palm Beach Post)
 
 
 
Mildly interesting: Woman brings monkey shopping with her. News: Monkey bit someone in parking lot. Florida: Woman was told not to bring the monkey back into the store earlier after it attacked someone else
source: palmbeachpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Drunk, naked, and gambling at a casino is no way to go through life, son
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 20, 2018
(Topeka Capital-Journal)
 
 
 
Kansas AG can(D)idate causes controversy with poster of Wonder Woman she has had for several years
source: cjonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Police officer Dad recreates Father's Day photo with son sitting in his lap in his police cruiser 20 years later ...now also a police officer, 6'7" and, well, they're gonna need a bigger squad car
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 19, 2018
(The News & Observer (NC))
 
 
 
"Well, the state gave us an additional $500,000 that we didn't ask for. Guess we better go ahead and spend it"
source: newsobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Drug kingpin expects $40,000 in drug money in the mail but gets a McDonald's receipt from a Louisville cop who skimmed the 40k. Drug kingpin? I mean West Coast drug interdiction task force
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
Woman calls 911 to report her two preschoolers missing. Cops find kids safe at their dad's place, but Mom's sure they're now hiding under parked vehicles. Meth: It's what's for breakfast
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 18, 2018
(KTVO Kirksville)
 
 
 
Hot couple arrested for having sex at a busy Oklahoma City intersection. Yes it's a trap
source: ktvo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
Cop and his crotch find out woman really does not want to leave this bar
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 15, 2018
(Observer & Eccentric)
 
 
 
Drunk shirtless Michigan Man takes up offer from friend "Mad Mike" to burn neighbor's SUV because it's "too loud", leaves his bicycle as he flees. Calls police to report said bicycle as stolen, cops cannot substantiate existence of "Mad Mike"
source: hometownlife.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
Yup. It's the old "blame the neighbors for the parasites in your testicles" scam
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 14, 2018
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
These cops will have you sedated for jaywalking
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJFW Rhinelander)
 
 
 
When the nurse asks what the pain feels like don't have your ex-husband grab the hatchet to personally show her
source: wjfw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lex 18)
 
 
 
Break into your friend's house. Smoke some pot. Bake a cake. Mom's not going to be happy about this
source: lex18.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
Kids find two "Pokemon balls" lying on ground, take them home to parents, who didn't know what they were either, so they left them on front porch, went inside. Detonation ensues
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon June 11, 2018
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Florida sheriff wants to form school police department, get children started early on their Florida tag appearances
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Deputy accidentally drops his phone into woman's purse during DUI checkpoint. Now has to explain to bosses all the photos on it of women in lingerie in hotel rooms and texts about sending them gift cards
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 09, 2018
(Beaver County Times)
 
 
 
Pee video leads to felony charges. No, not that one
source: timesonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 08, 2018
(Fox 13 Memphis)
 
 
 
Monkey in diaper found clinging to, yes, a Florida man in a stolen car
source: fox13memphis.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Anytime we see Robocop driving, he's not wearing pants
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Remember Affluenza mom who helped her son skip to Mexico? Yeah, she's a meth head
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Why did the turtle cross the road? Because Police Officer Sharnise Hawkins-Graham
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Female Georgia inmate caught with too many pencils and miscellaneous detritus in her prison purse
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu June 07, 2018
(East Bay Times)
 
 
 
While it's somewhat unusual to see a fight in the middle of a suburban street, it's very unusual when it's between two bulls
source: eastbaytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed June 06, 2018
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"Where Murders Go Unsolved". Handy, color-coded maps for the murderer on the move
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
A car thief on LSD tells police he thought he was playing 'Grand Theft Auto.' And if he was on mushrooms it would have been Super Mario Bros
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue June 05, 2018
(Tacoma News Tribune)
 
 
 
If you're going to fornicate in a Walmart parking lot, make sure that you've not already been 86ed from all Walmarts or have outstanding arrest warrants. Just sayin'
source: thenewstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a hammer is a good guy with a can of beans
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun June 03, 2018
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
Man arrested for walking around a clothing store while naked
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 02, 2018
(WOWK Charleston)
 
 
 
First responders in Huntington, West Virginia, to become no responders for overdose cases
source: wowktv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Modesto Bee)
 
 
 
Man kidnaps family to do yard chores, makes them recite the pledge of allegiance
source: modbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
5 4-week-old kittens are rescued after 2 people spot 1 cat carrier left in 90° heat on the side of I-495. Nicknamed the 495-5, they require 4 weeks of bottle feeding. This story reported by channel 5. I was told there would be no math on Caturday
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri June 01, 2018
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Police shoot woman accused of stabbing therapist in Fullerton. For those of you who are not anatomy students, the Fullerton is just below the Brea
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 31, 2018
(AL.com)
 
 
 
If you think the Meth you recently purchased might be contaminated with the Zika Virus, just bring it to the Police Department and they will test it for free
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
$4 to cover 1% of the damages the cop were responsible for after shooting a black man through his own garage door, then finding the gun they said he aimed at them was in his back pocket
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Source of mysterious Pa. booms about what you'd expect
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
"I was a 911 operator. I had to deal with racist 'emergency' phone calls every day"
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 30, 2018
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
How jail guards haze newbies
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
So we now know the cost of wishing death upon a 17-year-old kid who survived a mass school shooting and is trying to make the world a better place: 5 days' pay
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 28, 2018
(Redding Record Searchlight)
 
 
 
Under no circumstances are you permitted to attempt DIY deportations, Mr. Flight School Instructor
source: redding.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Man wearing a clown mask and wielding scissors and wooden post learns the hard way that he messed with the wrong Little Caesars employee
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 26, 2018
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Off-duty officer Castle Doctrines his home from another off-duty officer who happened to be his brother coming by to say hi
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Trigger happy cops are now shooting each other
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 25, 2018
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Get ready for "gun sanctuaries"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 24, 2018
(Fox News)
 
 
 
"Thank you for pulling my mom over because she deserved it because she took my phone away and I did not like it "
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 23, 2018
(CBC)
 
 
 
This is what happens if you are a police officer and you called backup while high
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Rookie Sterling Brown of the Milwaukee Bucks delivers his first stunning performance
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 22, 2018
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Turns out the police did shoot at the white guy. Some of the victims may have been "collateral damage"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
"Oh wait. You're serious? Let me laugh even harder"
source: paleofuture.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 21, 2018
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Stripping down and putting your underwear on your head is no way to rob houses son
source: thenewsminute.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Manatee woman stabs boyfriend
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 20, 2018
(KXII Texoma)
 
 
 
After selling all of their worldly possessions, giving away $100 bills in the park, lighting their house on fire, walking away naked and fighting with cops, couple realize that it isn't judgement day after all
source: kxii.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 18, 2018
(Chron)
 
 
 
Multiple fatalities reported after school shooting in Santa Fe, TX
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 40 Sacramento)
 
 
 
'Three burglary suspects were arrested Wednesday when a missing prosthetic arm was found in their car.' Someone give the cops a high five
source: fox40.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Newspaper)
 
 
 
Study finds traffic school is all about the money and speeding tickets usually go to safe drivers
source: thenewspaper.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 17, 2018
(Fox 19 Cincinnati)
 
 
 
"Human Bones Found Buried Under Trailer." To be fair, it was a burned-down, abandoned trailer that had sitting in a woman's back yard in Kentuck-- Say, has anyone seen Drew lately?
source: fox19.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 16, 2018
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Cop charged with helping put Fred Garvin through college
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Time to reset the clock. No, not that one; the one where everyone says we need more gun-control laws even though nothing happened
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Freeman)
 
 
 
Today's storm-drain ducklings rescue is brought to you by Kingston, New York. Ducklings start GoFundMe page to cover the $28,000 cost of state storm-drain rescue fees, taxes, surcharges, surcharge fees and fee surcharges
source: dailyfreeman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 15, 2018
(WAFB Baton Rouge)
 
 
 
Apparently instead of putting the E in DARE, this police department decided to put it in nepotism
source: wafb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
They were advised to quiet down and not to smash their heads into solid objects
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 13, 2018
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Not sure about that cop math. Millions, you say?
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(High Times)
 
 
 
Do you think you're being funny? Are you mocking us? Maybe you'd like some time to think about your smart talk . . . in gaol
source: hightimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 12, 2018
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Gallant: Day care owner takes prompt action after video shows teacher telling kids to throw rocks at a classmate. Goofus: By firing the whistleblower
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 11, 2018
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Florida man hid legless fugitive girlfriend in plastic tote and even remembered to make some airholes
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 San Diego)
 
 
 
Time to reset your stopwatches
source: fox5sandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Suburban Atlanta police officer suspended after police dash cam recorded him swearing at 65-year-old grandmother during a traffic stop
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 10, 2018
(Pantagraph)
 
 
 
Police chief blames "poor choice of words," says maybe dogs won't be killed
source: pantagraph.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Waffle House calls police on black customers after prom, presumably for the crime of going to Waffle House for dinner after prom
source: news.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 09, 2018
(WRAL)
 
 
 
After winning a race to be the mayor of a North Carolina town by just 7 votes, it would have been wise to have just one glass of champagne during the celebration
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
If your garage catches fire and police manage to save seven dogs, you might live in Indiana
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
Denver mayor's son caught on bodycam spewing slurs at Aurora cop. Video gets leaked to press after Aurora PD apparently helped Denver mayor cover it up
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Los Angeles 2)
 
 
 
Woman throws ashes of relative who died in police custody into face of LAPD chief. Police can't remember which victim this was again, on account of there being so many of them
source: losangeles.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 08, 2018
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
If you have an active arrest warrant, do not make a bet with your friend about how deeply you can submerge your truck in a lake
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palm Beach Post)
 
 
 
The Florida teacher's co-workers began worrying about his behavior as early as 2009, when he was reportedly found with a student with the lights dimmed and his shoes off
source: mypalmbeachpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
Man with houseful of drugs tells deputies he's a 'hobbyist'
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
'Herter would often ride a scooter up and down the street with a sword.'
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
Oregon man has a successful test drive of his new $200,000 Lamborghini DeFenstera
source: koin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Florida man was just trying to open a beer with a knife. What could possibly go wrong?
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon May 07, 2018
(WJRT)
 
 
 
Off-duty officer shows why schools should be gun-free zones
source: abc12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
If at first you don't succeed in riding your lawn mower across town while intoxicated, try, try again
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun May 06, 2018
(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
"Hey, where'd all the crystal meth in the evidence locker go?"
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Off-duty cop pulls a gun on man that bought a Mentos. Unfunniest commercial EVAR
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 05, 2018
(Charlotte Observer)
 
 
 
If only there were a good guy with a dump truck to stop a bad guy with a gun
source: charlotteobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lowell Sun)
 
 
 
Mass casualty response triggered and school evacuated after student mentions the b-word during discussion of genetics
source: lowellsun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 04, 2018
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Bad batch of LSD in Santa Cruz results in four people running around naked, screaming about seeing rainbows at night and flying unicorns. Subby wonders how his kids got to Santa Cruz
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 03, 2018
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
First they took away the right to bang prostitutes while "investigating" them, and now it's going to be illegal to hook up with handcuffed prisoners. It's getting so there's no reason to be a cop any more
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Police release bodycam footage of officers entering Vegas mass shooter Stephen Paddock's hotel room and discovering... a vibrator? Really?
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVU Bay Area News)
 
 
 
Step 1: Get out of car slowly with your hands up. Step 2: Walk slowly towards officer and get down on the ground. Step 3: Pray officer doesn't accidentally shoot you
source: ktvu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 02, 2018
(UPI)
 
 
 
Oklahoma City police: "And for those asking no, our investigation did not reveal why the chicken crossed the road. We tried to interview the chicken, but she lawyered up"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 01, 2018
(Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 
 
Man describes self as a minister with doctorate degrees, a police officer, boat captain, a social activist, an administrator, a professor and a politician. He must have been convincing as they let him out of jail to work at his "cop job"
source: chicago.suntimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
Man fails to heed "Never mind the dog, beware of owner" sign, ends up shot by retired officer who lives there
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Voice of San Diego)
 
 
 
GOP on deportations: "California was asking for it"
source: voiceofsandiego.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 30, 2018
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Antihero: Man scales fence capped with razor wire to escape life sentence. Dumbass: Man scales fence capped with razor wire to escape four-day sentence
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Well there it is, the stupidest thing you will read all day
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 28, 2018
(Circa)
 
 
 
Truck carrying Starbucks' products in Washington state had 126 pounds of meth hidden in a TV box and a mattress. In related news, Starbucks sells TVs and mattresses now
source: circa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 27, 2018
(Pix11)
 
 
 
Police use lights, sirens to escort DJ Funkmaster Flex to Newark mayor's birthday party in the least-corrupt thing to happen in New Jersey this week
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Alabama man jailed on heroin and cocaine trafficking charges, displays "oh boy, mom's gonna kill me" face for mugshot
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Hey, free dildo
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Missing 12-year-old safely located in Rifle. Man, that's one skinny kid
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
That's what's wrong with politics today, the media reporting on crooked politicians
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 26, 2018
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Ex-Port Authority chief finally releases statement on viral cop rant video -- says she's sorry (but not really)
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 25, 2018
(Rochester Democrat and Chronicle)
 
 
 
Mr. Deals has the best deals in town. How does Mr. Deals bring you the greatest deals for miles around? Two words: "stolen merchandise." Also 10 million Fark submissions achievement unlocked
source: democratandchronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
"A man who had left notes at Washington state bus stops seeking to buy underage girls' underwear showed up for a meeting with an undercover detective with a gun, machete, hatchet, tarp, duct tape and camera"
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
"Sorry I tased you" cake is not a lie
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Port Authority official forced to resign after video of her berating officers who pulled over car with her daughter in it surfaces. Who knew someone appointed by Chris Christie would be a jerkass who would attempt to use authority for personal gain?
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC DFW)
 
 
 
Home Depot has many clocks for your choosing, but this Home Depot in Dallas has one clock you can reset
source: nbcdfw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 23, 2018
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Man arrested after fatally shooting daughter's boyfriend, stealing Hulk Hogan's facial hair
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 22, 2018
(CNN)
 
 
 
There, that should solve everything, right? We're all good now, right? Look, I'm just the Sheriff, it's not like I have to power to arrest and charge him with murder or anything. I mean, let's not be hasty here
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 21, 2018
(Oddity Central)
 
 
 
If you're going to put a fake parking ticket on your car window so police won't give you a real one it's probably best to check that you don't park next to an unmarked police car ... with its dash camera turned on
source: odditycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 20, 2018
(Times Union)
 
 
 
Three-legged dog named Tripod abandoned on cliff by two-fisted drinker named Defendant
source: timesunion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Homeless man steals beer truck, wears awesome shorts
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Florida students walk out to protest school shootings. Since this is Florida, you can probably guess what happens next
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPAX Missoula)
 
 
 
One breath/long headline challenge: 3 police officers disciplined for having sex on city property with a police clerk who was fired for stealing narcotics from the evidence locker which will result in dozens of criminal cases being dismissed. *gasp*
source: kpax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 19, 2018
(Fox News)
 
 
 
H. R. McMaster's dad "fell," "hit his head," was "put in a chair," and "died under suspicious circumstances." If you have free space, that's a bingo
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
911: What's the nature of your emergency. Caller: Help, there's a possum in my bedroom
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 18, 2018
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Headless goat found near topless bar
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
The reward for turning in the "I ♥ Ho Ho Cake" bandit would buy a lot of Ho Ho cakes
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Obsessed Dark Crystal fan arrested outside Taylor Swift's home
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 17, 2018
(Peoria Journal Star)
 
 
 
Homeowner calls police after insane handyman touts loan program to buy 5000 chickens
source: pjstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Peoria Journal Star)
 
 
 
Woman calls police after discovering roommate has been sniffing her underwear, improperly using the futon cushion
source: pjstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Coral Springs rush in where Broward fears to tread
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Remember the NY hedge fund billionaire that 'volunteered' as a reserve officer of a small New Mexico town? He's found a small town in Colorado that needed a pickup truck
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
On the left a poorly named WiFi causes evacuation at Planet Fitness. List your superior WiFI names on the right
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 16, 2018
(Kare11)
 
 
 
Proof that schools are becoming more like prisons: The 8-year-olds are now shanking each other
source: kare11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 15, 2018
(KTVB Boise)
 
 
 
Explosive marijuana claims another victim
source: ktvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 14, 2018
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Florida woman allowed 2-year-old to smoke meth, roll marijuana joints which is totally fake news because no one has ever learned to roll a good joint in less than 2 years
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Victoria Times Colonist)
 
 
 
From a long nap to a dirt nap
source: timescolonist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 12, 2018
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
"Police recover stolen BBQ pit while dodging gunfire on city's east side" is the most Kansas City headline ever
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 11, 2018
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
California Sheriff: It's cheaper just to go out and kill anyone who may be a suspect
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 10, 2018
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Apparently, being a rich political donor gets you certain perks the public cannot. Perks such as a police badge and license to carry a concealed weapon in all fifty states
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
"A man armed with three axes and a knife destroyed a motel room, threatened to kill police officers and others and caused a standoff with police Tuesday." Nice try, liked the stripping, but your Florida Man application has been denied
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Supergenius with humongous brain touts his superiority over online plebes
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 09, 2018
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Someone toilet papers police chief's truck. Department has a good laugh in their press release
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 08, 2018
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Russian Hooligans intend to create mayhem at the World Cup, and warn English fans, "Prepare to die." Unclear if the Ducky Boys plan to attend (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 07, 2018
(Peoria Journal Star)
 
 
 
Termite inspector finds anti-tank grenade in woman's basement. Those little bastards weren't going to give up without a fight
source: pjstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 04, 2018
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
YouTube shooter was Iranian woman from Riverside, CA who her father explained was angry that her videos on veganism, animal cruelty and abs workouts had been de-monetized
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
If you're going to give the police an alias, make sure the alias doesn't have any warrants
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 03, 2018
(NPR)
 
 
 
Police shootings will continue until morale improves
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Police: Man hits officer with potato chips after being told to stop riding carts at store
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Truro Daily)
 
 
 
"He allegedly smashed the front window of the home, woke a sleeping household and tried to torch the place, but he was civilized in his manner"
source: trurodaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Harrison Daily)
 
Weeners
 
Hidden video cameras installed in bathrooms and changing areas of hot dog shop. In other news, Arkansas hot dog shops have changing areas
source: harrisondaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Woman's family gives her a ham, which she burns in a trash can, causing an explosion that destroys her hotel room. What ever happened to re-gifting?
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sun April 01, 2018
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
"He tried to steal booze. Instead he got smacked upside the head with a bottle." Oh Jonathan, don't mess with Milwaukeeans and their alcohol
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat March 31, 2018
(Ocklawaha)
 
 
 
Florida Man™ tries the old "smell my finger" alibi
source: wtfflorida.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 30, 2018
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
If you're the thief that stole the ashes of a police officer from his widow, be aware that you've urned the ire of the police
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Fake cop shoots real cop, real cops shoot fake cop. Confused? You won't be after this week's episode of Kentucky Cops
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Autopsy reveals that the Sacramento Police are the greatest trick-shooters in the world as they managed to shoot Stephon Clark 8 times in the back or side while he "advanced towards them" with a phone in his hand that they mistook for a gun
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed March 28, 2018
(Daily Kos)
 
 
 
Illegal search and seizure. Period
source: dailykos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Corey Feldman stabbed in crazed sex story revenge plot. No word on whether he was wearing sunglasses. Or if it was vampires. I dunno the Coreys all look alike to me
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
If you're running for office, maybe scrub your Facebook of posts like "Just choked a lady in the bathroom and I don't feel bad at all" and saying "cops should "jump off the highest building in downtown Milwaukee. No one will miss you I promise"
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue March 27, 2018
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
North Carolina police searching for man in gold jumpsuit. Has Mark Hamill been found?
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves innocent of any wrongdoing in the shooting death of the deaf man who didn't follow orders
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
The early results of Austria's attempt to ban full-face veils are in: A group of Japanese tourists wearing smog masks, 6 skiers, 2 mascots in animal costumes, and 1 actual Muslim. Nice work there guys
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon March 26, 2018
(WANE Ft. Wayne)
 
 
 
Cocaine boats found in unlicensed tattoo shop, not to be confused with heroin ships, meth barges, and acid canoes. With mugshot goodness
source: wane.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
It's the Alabama way to get high on meth and lead police on a 20-mile chase that ends with you getting arrested in the produce aisle of a Walmart
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat March 24, 2018
(New Haven Register)
 
 
 
Hey Chief, this thing must be broken. It says there's a fire back at the station
source: nhregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 23, 2018
(AOL)
 
 
 
Woman charged over carrion luggage
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
In his quest to find "better dope", man crashes through fence, thought he was being chased by paratroopers, and almost hit a plane. Dude, you're doing it wrong
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
The far right will believe literally anything
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
"OK, let's start your driving test. First, put the car in drive and... FAIL"
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu March 22, 2018
(Herald Tribune (SW Florida))
 
 
 
Teen girl machete-wielding carjacking team make bid for "Most Florida Story of the Week". With Xanax-addled mugshot
source: heraldtribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
News: Man bites dog. Fark: Man bites police K-9 on body cam footage
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed March 21, 2018
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Homer man injured in vehicle-tree crash. Glowing bolt found nearby
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pix11)
 
 
 
Woman asks if she can get fries with her breakfast sandwich at jail security booth, gets arrested
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
"What we know about the Austin bomber." Well, 1. He liked blowing things up. 2. Including himself
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue March 20, 2018
(WBTV 3 Charlotte)
 
 
 
You can warn about speed traps on Facebook, but don't call the officers involved smurfs. Crikey
source: wbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Good news: You can now have a police officer fired for catching you in a hidden speed trap. Bad news: You'll have to move to Uzbekistan
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon March 19, 2018
(Battle Creek Enquirer)
 
 
 
Teacher to stand trial for having sex with student, playing banjo too loud
source: battlecreekenquirer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ogdensburg Journal)
 
 
 
Stories from the Nanny State: Let your 11 and 12 year old kids play street hockey in the street? You're damn straight that's a ticketin'
source: ogd.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Today's NRA fun news story: Kid shoots his sister dead over video-game controller. See, like the NRA says, video games cause violence, not guns
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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