headlines found matching 'Company' NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Mon March 20, 2023 |
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Amazon figures if they lay off 9-10,000 workers every few weeks it will sit better than the 100,000+ they are probably looking to cut
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Old & Busted: Banks with failing balance sheets. New Hotness: Crooks filling bags with stones and passing them off as precious metals on the London Metal Exchange
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OCD completionist with too much money buys all copies of Wii U and 3DS games before the Nintendo eshop closes. Subby still making excuses about buying a handheld
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You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out Virgin Orbit is declaring bankruptcy this week
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Vulcan facility seizure adds to tension between US, Mexico, and purists who hate this new Star Trek timeline
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If Fox News can be sued for billions of dollars for lying about a voting machine company, what are the options available when they lie about the federal government "meddling in the 2024 election" without any evidence at all?
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This headline could've stopped after two words
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Elmo: you engineers are overruled, we're ripping out the Teslas' radar sensors for the cost savings. Also, I need a bunch of you to bail out Twitter after I've nuked it
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Instead of welcoming the new employees and investors, UBS execs pull no punches in describing their distaste for Credit Suisse. "You go from having the best run Swiss bank in UBS with a clear strategy, to owning the worst"
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Taco Bell bringing back the Volcano Taco. So, the next time you go to Taco Bell, you can experience an eruption. Also, you can taste the new Volcano Taco
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| Mon March 13, 2023 |
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BuzzFeed says most of cash and cash equivalents were in SVB. You won't believe what happens next
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I'm not saying the economy is ready to collapse, but Forbes has already turned to stealing retirement grease to get by
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NYC tech worker sees her company is hiring for her job title on LinkedIn but paying up to $90K more, so she applies for it. Then things get awkward
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US Media: The government needs you to find the differences between TikTok selling your data and Facebook selling your data. Young people: they're the same picture
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Throw me the whip and I'll throw you the Lego
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Low-cost Canadian airline has four of its planes seized over a "commercial dispute". WOOOOOOOOO
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Since it was an FDIC-insured institution, customers of Silicon Valley Bank who had up to $250K in their account will not lose a penny of their deposits. Companies like Roku however, who had half a billion dollars in deposits? Yeah they're screwed
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Charles Schwab, America's 8th largest bank with $7.05 trillion: "Why are you guys looking at us funny? Our financial performance continues to be strong"
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"The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed* -- for lack of a better word -- is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit." (*Only if heavily regulated.)
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Fox News finally lifts the blackout on its own network reporting on the Dominion lawsuit story and the recent release of emails and texts by its owner and top anchors. BY allowing famed media reporter 4 minutes to repeat Fox's lawyers talking points
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| Thu March 09, 2023 |
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Old man yells at cloud...wait, scratch that...hipster yells at self-driving car
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Robinhood now holds 24% of all Dogecoins. Many investment, much bold, wow
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Not The Onion: Norfolk Southern train derails in Alabama as CEO testifies in Congress
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The giant "Scabby the Rat" inflatables are an American icon that has appeared in countless union disputes and is now being sold. By the way, the company did not have a unionized workforce
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American Catholic group buying Grindr data to out gay priests as the witch hunters have become the witch hunted
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It rubs the lobster on its skin or else it gets the claw again
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Bank based on real money says liquidity issues are fake, also bites real dust
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GM to workers: "We're not laying you off, but could you maybe... I don't know... quit a little?"
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Norfolk Southern goes to Congress to pledge spending 0.4% of their profits last year to clean up East Palestine. Yes, that's, zero point four percent
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The doggles, they do something
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Again, Black Mirror wasn't an instruction manual
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Rule 34 applies to everything. Yes, even you Pinterest
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Neighbors of a soon to be imploded NJ Nabisco factory worry that the quality of their air will be harmed by the sweet smell of the ghosts of cookies past
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Founder and CEO of commercial real estate company says what most of us have been saying all along
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Over 280 sickened on Princess cruise ship; company points to 'likely' cause. 'Being on a cruise ship' mysteriously absent
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The Dark Lord of the Sith is in awe of Exxon CEO Darren Woods' capacity for evil and has written a love letter to him (w/video)
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| Wed March 08, 2023 |
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Alex Jones proposes getting a 520K per year salary in his proposed bankruptcy plan, hopes the judge isn't into Willy Wonka memes
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Fox News contributor strings up the yarn on his detective cork board that traces the Dominion lawsuit back to... a single democrat on the board of a company that used to own Dominion
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Teamsters president scorches a Senator at a congressional hearing. No, this isn't repeat from 1957, it just feels like it
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Uber develops airport guides so you can get to the meetup location in time to find the driver has canceled your trip for a more lucrative one quicker
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| (Popular Info) |
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Walgreens: FINE, you caught us, so here are some weasel words our lawyers barfed up. We good now?
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Are Instacarters this dumb or is this a platform issue?
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Why did the train cross the road in Ohio? That's not important right now. If you watch the video here, you can see it derail. But what's even more important is the new train derailment in West Virginia
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Hong Kong's Cathay posts $834 million loss. Ack
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Adidas doesn't know what to do with the millions of Kanye shoes it has in storage. One proposed solution is to burn them all
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Trump wants to hit alt-control-delete on DOJ charges if re-elected. Thank God that won't work on state charges
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EU to Musk: This isn't the US, Section 230 doesn't protect you here. Deal with the Nazis or we'll deal with you
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Company selling AI radio hosts wants you to know that, good heavens, it wouldn't ever even dream of suggesting that human radio hosts should be replaced by AI radio hosts. I mean, how dare you even suggest that
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Tucker's relationship with TFG is like Gollum with his precious
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| Tue March 07, 2023 |
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+2 bad gtts
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New Hampshire: Live Free or Die (Conditions and exclusions apply)
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Siriusly
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Things are going so smoothly at Twitter that Elon Musk needs bodyguards to follow him into the bathroom
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Florida man receives $5M in funding for a startup idea that makes the Juicero idea look brilliant
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Nothing to see here...just a new phone with an older processor. Please disperse
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Apparently mocking people with disabilities is just part of being a billionaire
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If there's an award for worst boss, Musk is doing his best to win it unanimously
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Twitter Me Elmo furious at yesterday's site-wide glitches caused by his incompetence
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"That means that, either the Trump Organization has fallen on hard times, found a bank willing to do business without responsible paperwork, or isn't telling the truth. " Or, yanno, all three seems pretty likely too
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"Cash on Fire": The small rocket story
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25,000-square-mile ad hoc wireless network shows up in same article as 400 nuclear-armed ICBMs, but apparently they haven't yet been combined in the right way to form Skynet
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Medical Geek Squad
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Back in 2008, Georgia Power signed a deal to bring two more nuclear reactors to Plant Vogtle. Fifteen years and $35 BILLION later, they finally lit the pilot. Dr. Evil's pinky is erect
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| Mon March 06, 2023 |
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Unreleased Scooby Doo and Krypto Too movie leaked. Do Batgirl next
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California: since you're pulling abortion pills in states where it's still legal, Walgreens, we're pulling our business with you
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After gutting Warner Bros. Discovery and firing scores of employees, David Zaslav awards himself a nice hefty bonus
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Under Armour still under water
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The two happiest days of a 94-foot luxury yacht owner's life are the day they buy it and the day the salvage company drags it off a reef and sinks it in 800 feet of water
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Residents of Martinez, California advised not to eat the food grown in their gardens. It seems the local refining company released a teensy bit of toxic dust back in November. Oh, and breathing may cause some issues too
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This story has everything: lasers, drones, AI, giant booms, and . . . potatoes?
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Happy Monday, F'artists. Welcome to your weekly art and crafting thread
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Following the smashing success of AIR Vodka, company plans to manufacture jet fuel from CO2
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Fox News: All media should be terrified of what's happening to us, because if we can be fined $1.6 billion for having our anchors tell lies on air supporting a traitor president's coup attempt, any other company can have the same happen to them
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How 'Lowe' can they go?
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| Fri March 03, 2023 |
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Boss man thinks AOC kills thousands of jobs and punishes success. He also thinks that allowing employees to work at home gives him the right to call them at 2 a.m.
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Microsoft rolls out three distinct Bing chat personalities that will very rapidly devolve into incels
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Norfolk Southern CEO sets up the first official "See if you can live long enough to be awarded this" scholarship fund for East Palestine
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Zoom abruptly fires its president, presumably via some sort of video call
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Zoom abruptly fires its president, presumably via some sort of video call
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The Celebrity Zone is for VIP loading and unloading only. There are no unwashed masses allowed in or near the Celebrity Zone. The Cattle Zone is for unwashed masses
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Some for you, some for me, some for you, more for me. Financial software company bookkeeper accused of a $4.4 million fake invoice scheme
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United Launch Alliance is up for sale so if you want to launch the ashes of dead stars into space on a Vulcan rocket, start saving your pennies. Sad: Jeff Bezos might be saving his
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Supervillian Jeff Bezos pauses Phase II of Codename: Helix, the "Deep-drill nuclear warhead to the center of the Earth" blackmail project
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The world's largest company, which just happens to specialize in oil, wants you to be prepared for them keeping oil prices as high as possible for as long as possible
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Will the box office ever reach pre-pandemic numbers?
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UK considers being the anti-SpaceX and giving up on space launch after a single failure
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"There are dozens of safety issues...DOZENS"
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Google "The Mandolorian" for some company during your internet searches. This is the way
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Ubiquitous vacant former diners and restaurants along NJ highways to become ubiquitous pot shops and dispensaries along NJ highways. Hopefully there are still some diners for those late-night munchies
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Latest thing to worry about: cookie espionage. We cannot allow a chocolate chip gap
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Walgreens is letting Gilead take over nationwide
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Guess who is arguing she shouldn't start her 11 year prison sentence because she keeps getting pregnant
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Purdue named most innovative company. Still not clear how chicken farming or Oxycodone can be innovative in 2023, but ok
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| Sat February 25, 2023 |
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DJT was high on Indonesian cash flow during his presidency, if his tax returns are accurate
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Scott Adams digs deeper: Here's my reason for Whites to stay away from Black people. By invoking Wonderbread Mike Pence who won't allow one-on-one meetings with women to avoid even the look of temptation
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States with toxic waste disposal sites suddenly irate when toxic waste shows up to be disposed of
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| (Local 3 News) |
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Walmart's response is totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous. Paging Jackie Chiles
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Heineken faces boycott after failing to pull out of Russian market, stop spilling on the servers
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Yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today because of ransomware
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Alphabet shuts down its armed-robots project, but will use the tech elsewhere within its portfolio of companies, so as to not delay SkyNet
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Valve releases Half-Li...*taps headset* ...oh, releases perma-ban on forty thousand cheaters
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| Wed February 22, 2023 |
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Apple bought a noninvasive blood glucose sensing company at Steve Jobs' direction before he died. Over a decade later, they have gotten the tech down to the size of an iPhone, strapped around the biceps muscle, and hope to market it in a few years
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Subby saw concert tickets with a glitch that set the price at zero; I paid the $12 handling fee for 4 multiday tix and got the receipt. Few hours later, company rep left VM trying to correct it. $1400 vs 48. Can I make them stick to the glitch price?
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Subway to build EV charging stations, transfer available to the A, C, E, 1, 2, 3 and 7 EV trains
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"Hey, have you been keeping up with the news lately?" "Nope." "Me neither. Too busy preparing for our product launch." "Same. Now's the perfect time to introduce the public to Giant Balloon Space Tours"
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Microsoft decided you needed a "Reply all" feature in Teams, hilarity sure to ensue
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Tesla announces Texit
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Amsterdam zoo invites you to sit on some elephant dung
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Obvious: Norfolk Southern is paying $6.5 million to affected areas due to derailment. Murica: Stockholders are getting $7.5 billion. That's billion with a 'b'
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Hactivision
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Former president to visit the site of the train derailment in East Palestine and is reportedly planning to make it all about him. And something about moving the US Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem to stick it to the Palestinians
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Elmo: we're hemorrhaging advertisers, so we need to implement ad targeting on par with Google AdWords. Serfs, you have one week
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Starbucks CEO Howard Schulz understands the youth of America and knows in his heart that they only want to unionize because of their broken families, mistrust in government, and lack of direction. But all they need is his hand, not a union
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NLRB rules STFU cannot be part of a severance
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Amazon CEO Andy Jassy: All employees must return to the office, effective immediately. Amazon employees: How about "no"? Does "no" work for you?
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| Tue February 21, 2023 |
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3D printed airless basketball that you still can't dunk
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Astonishingly, the guy who tantrum-bought an entire social media platform was also known to rage like a toddler if he wasn't mentioned in articles about another company he bought
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Sci-fi magazine forced to shutdown due to rampant AI usage
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EPA to Norfolk Southern: Clean up East Palestine, Ohio at your own expense. NS to EPA: LOL. This is why we have lobbyists and lawyers
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I'm not going to go out on a Nostromo here, but I'm going to guess either these people have never watched a SciFi flick, or they have and know exactly what they've called their new company. Ash last heard talking about directives
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Home Depot helps its people. No word if it has any plans to help the birds that seems trapped in the one Subby goes to. But helping its people is a good start
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Hey, you got your Xbox in my Nintendo. Hey, you got your Nintendo in my Xbox. Mmmm
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Japanese firm to help USAF by providing targets
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Let's put a data center in Kansas that has a supply of natural gas so it can be powered during critical times. Then use it for crypto mining
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Soon you'll be able to get your grande iced caramel macchiato with two pumps of vanilla syrup, two pumps of hazelnut syrup, a shot of espresso, whipped cream, and caramel drizzle without barista spit in it
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