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| Tue June 29, 2021 |
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Earliest known strain of plague could have come from a beaver bite. Dag and Norbert unavailable for comment
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Rudy Giuliani is being investigated over Turkish lobbying. Man, I didn't even know they did landscaping
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Artistic octopus paints with tentacles at Florida Aquarium. And yet, when I try to paint with an octopus, everyone acts all horrified
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Parler joins the resistance
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It's not often the asinine tag drags a submission out from the Food tab, but 'Bread Steak' should do it
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No, Jason Statham is not expected to provide launch commentary. Falcon 9 sends up the Transporter-2 mission from Cape Canaveral, with a return to launch site landing. Launch window opens at 2:56 pm EDT
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TOTALLY not an allegory
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TOTALLY not an allegory
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Roger Stone urges Trump to ditch his "weak-kneed" lawyers and hire one tough attorney to fight the potential charges against him. Difficulty: good attorneys like to get paid
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The only good part of Dexter is returning for the revival
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Tucker, the NSA isn't spying on you to get you cancelled, but if you were talking to hostile foreign intelligence to get your talking points and scripts for your shows, then you've likely been picked up in intercepts. Just saying
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Conservatives in Canada decide to just go full MAGA
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How do you turn a Dodge Challenger into a Dodge Charger? Ask this guy. (PIC)
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| Fri June 25, 2021 |
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Any Farkers missing Shameless? Pitch your idea for a (never-gonna-happen) spin-off series. So far Subby's come up with: "Kev & V Go To Kentucky", "Carl's Alibi", "Ian & Micky Adopt A Baby", and "Debbie Does Child Endangerment"
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Any Farkers missing Shameless? Pitch your idea for a (never-gonna-happen) spin-off series. So far Subby's come up with: "Kev & V Go To Kentucky", "Carl's Alibi", "Ian & Micky Adopt A Baby", and "Debbie Does Child Endangerment"
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Glendale city council meeting minutes: "[The mayor] then told me to eat sh*t and die...Sir, if you'd like to kick my ass, I'd be happy to meet you in any boxing gym in the Valley, put on the gloves...and I'll give you a shot at the title"
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Madness descends upon Glasgow, Scotland concerning the Govanhill Sock Mystery, you see there are socks hanging on a clothesline ALL ALONE
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'Shoppers report finding women's underpants on car door handles at Westerville Aldi'
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| Wed June 09, 2021 |
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Kyle works at Dunkies with Sam who brewed with Alli at Starbucks who worked with Sanya at Peet's who worked with Chris at Honey Dew who baked donuts with Jim at Ma's who used to work at Sophie's in Exeter
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"3 Injured in Possible Home Explosion in Evanston, Authorities Say" - owner Erwin Schrödinger unavailable for comment
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Nurse comments that the hospital was previously over capacity with patients. Comment made on her way out the door due a 2-week suspension. For not getting the COVID-19 vaccination
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The UK will soon be getting dimmer. This is not a metaphor or wanker comment from a snarky Yank
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Time to do a shiatty 15-second dance; Biden just replaced Trump's TikTok ban
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Biogen faces tough questions about $56k price for new Alzheimer's drug, paying off Dennis Nedry. Dodgeson unavailable for comment
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Florida Woman, Disneyland, snack foods, and kids books are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 23-29: Homemade Ice Cream Edition
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Florida Woman, Disneyland, snack foods, and kids books are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 23-29: Homemade Ice Cream Edition
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New York Times tries to cover up the fact that watermelons were found on Mars
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| Tue June 01, 2021 |
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Bobbleheads of Jimi Hendrix setting his guitar on fire at Monterey Pop Festival in 1967 coming soon, in a limited run of 1,967. 'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy
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The Tuesday Night Science Channel Discussion Thread, 9PM Eastern
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Hypothetical scenario: You receive an emergency alert. The zombie apocalypse is happening. You can grab one item from home to use as your primary weapon/tool. What do you bring? Difficulty: no guns. Bonus: post a pic of said item in the comments
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KKR and CD&R buy CLDR for 4.7B, QED
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Just like your blood sugar levels after you eat one, Krispy Kreme revenue surges ahead of planned IPO
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Krispy Kreme has given away over 1.5 million doughnuts to vaccinated Americans. Homer Simpson unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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In an interview Rep. Boebert (R-Salmonella) claimed Texas "has not seen a single Covid death" since lifting their mask mandate on Mar 2. She was only off by 3,650. Her Spokesman: CLEARLY what she meant was, "not a single Covid death THAT DAY, duh"
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Yacht owner who got screwed trying to sell his boat to Matt Gaetz details all the monkey business that went on. "Thirsty"
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| Thu May 27, 2021 |
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. . . squeak . . . . . . . . . . . . squeak . . . . . . . . . . . . squeak
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Between fits of phony poutrage about "cancel culture", conservatives cancel one of their own for not sucking up to Trump enough. Life's been good
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The Quebec legislature passes a motion demanding that the internet provide a flag emoji for the province
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London's West End, 80s music, fast food, and social media influencers are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 9-15 Himalayan Salt Edition
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I've been suffering a rash of sock-holes recently. Any recommendations on where to find durable plain-ass socks online?
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Burgers, hot dogs, ribs, potato salad, corn on the cob, and baked beans: all you need for the perfect Memorial Day cookout. Trust us, the science is on our side. We have polling and everything
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The 'DiGiornut' Is the pizza/donut mashup you've been focus group testing with your weed friends for years. Your dreams have become reality, but there's, like, a catch
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The internet responds to Thor skipping leg day
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At this point we should just end every sentence with "sorry" instead of a period, sorry
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At this point we should just end every sentence with "sorry" instead of a period, sorry
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| Tue May 25, 2021 |
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Someone let the air out of their balloon
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| (Some Guy) |
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My dad always said, "Don't force it. Get a bigger hammer." Now Google gets a bigger Rowhammer
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"Next time you try to call out a referee trying to get a call being like, 'Come on, she 300 pounds', I'm going to need you to get it right. I'm weighing 235 pounds and I'm really, very proud of being a big biatch, a big buddy, big Benz baby"
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Defense lawyers forget to flatten their PDF regarding seizing Rudy's electronics. Redactions easily removed by CNN. Hilarity results
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Trumpistan: Lose ur job? Lern to code snowflake LOL. Quebec: We'll pay you to learn to code. Some snow shoveling required
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Trumpistan: Lose ur job? Lern to code snowflake LOL. Quebec: We'll pay you to learn to code. Some snow shoveling required
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A suspicious package is delivered to Ron Paul's house. He blames (a) Antifa, (b) The Squad, (c) 80s heart-throb Richard Marx
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Here's a thought: maybe don't post pictures of yourself pumping iron when you're receiving disability insurance
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| Tue May 18, 2021 |
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Picture of optical illusion found on internet. Difficulty: picture not included in story. Further difficulty: picture not even linked in story
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Music lawsuits, digital tokens, cars, and things people steal from dead French dudes are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 2-8 Googly Eyes Edition
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Music lawsuits, digital tokens, cars, and things people steal from dead French dudes are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 2-8 Googly Eyes Edition
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The UK's NHS saw over a million hospital admissions for obesity before covid hit. Sounds like they're living in a new Stone age
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Las Vegas strip club to offer patrons a little prick
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The first atomic bomb test created a physics defying "forbidden" crystal. Skeksis unavailable for comment
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Our express elevators are operational. Please pardon the blood and broken bones while we work out a few kinks
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Only Fans sex worker shocked, Shocked SHOCKED to find a former teacher supporting her financially
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| Tue May 11, 2021 |
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The Tuesday Night Science Channel Discussion Thread, 9PM Eastern
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No, no they aren't
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Trillions of cicadas are about to rise up from the ground and swarm the eastern U.S. ... and one in four Americans say they'd be willing to eat them. Ewww
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Cutting worker pay by 2% while raising that of CEOs by 29% is the S&P 500 way
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Italian food, corporate earnings, the Oscars, and other Rich People Things are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 25-May 1: The Perils of Ordering From eBay Edition
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Italian food, corporate earnings, the Oscars, and other Rich People Things are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 25-May 1: The Perils of Ordering From eBay Edition
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"Growing up, my mother channeled her anxiety into housekeeping; everything was in order. However, my house is in constant disarray; my two youngest kids are indifferent, but my oldest is making comments about how messy the house is. What do?"
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