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headlines found matching 'CNN'

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Mon July 13, 2020
		Not content with just ignoring and silencing Fauci, Trump now starts a smear campaign source: businessinsider.com \| share:	48
		Trump's Art of the Deal ghostwriter says Trump is a psychopath who doesn't care about causing the deaths of tens of thousands. The comments section is a trip down psychopath lane too source: mediaite.com \| share:	43
		Do you know 100 people? At least one of them probably has COVID-19 source: cnn.com \| share:	70
		Minneapolis: "Hey, we need $500 million to pay for all this riot damage." Trump: "You pay for it--you should have plenty of cash from defunding your police" source: dailywire.com \| share:	100

Sat July 11, 2020
		Most glorious nation of Kazakhstan says Chinese are know-nothings and there is no new deadly virus is most wonderful and healthy nation source: cnn.com \| share:	66
		Suuuuuuuuuuure you did, Donnie. Yep, that's perfectly believable. Uh huh, you betcha. No, I'm not being sarcastic at all, there's just something in my eyes from all the rolling they've been doing source: cnn.com \| share:	71
		Rare heat wave event is forecast this weekend. Swelter in place? source: cnn.com \| share:	71

Fri July 10, 2020
		Schadenfreude: Mississippi Edition source: cnn.com \| share:	55
		There is no plan source: cnn.com \| share:	135
		Rep. Dan Crenshaw, who spent weeks crying big man tears out of his one eye after some mean liberal called the enemy soldier who attacked him "brave," wants you to know that attacks on Tammy Duckworth are just fine because she wants to destroy America source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	120
		He's gonna do it source: cnn.com \| share:	85

Thu July 09, 2020
		If you've been drinking your hand sanitizer, you might want to know that the FDA is warning consumers about 55 varieties that contain toxic wood alcohol. If you can't read this headline, it might already be too late source: cnn.com \| share:	62
		President of teachers' union: "I double-dog dare Donald Trump to sit in a class of 39 sixth graders and breathe that air" source: thehill.com \| share:	63
		CNN chyron writer is out of farks to give source: twitter.com \| share:	81
		Facebook has removed Roger Stone from Instagram after linking him to more than 100 fake Facebook pages and Instagram accounts source: cnn.com \| share:	94

Wed July 08, 2020
		There it is (Tulsa edition) source: cnn.com \| share:	96
		Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman to retire from Army after 21 years. Godspeed sir, you deserved better source: cnn.com \| share:	81
		Protip: You can't misinterpret a Hitler quote if you don't post a quote by Hitler on social media. In short, don't ever quote Hitler. Ever source: cnn.com \| share:	40

Tue July 07, 2020
		"Fark, this is actually happening" - an oral history of Andy McCabe's briefing to Robert Mueller on Trump-Russia collusion. Bonus quote: "Were these people just rogue morons?" source: washingtonexaminer.com \| share:	31
		White House adviser Peter Navarro on Trump's refusal to wear masks:"There's nothing more to squeeze from that orange." Subby is not sure that President Trump likes to be referred to as that source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	48
		You might point and laugh, but I have to share an island with the insane bastards source: cnn.com \| share:	31
		We have now passed the point where contact tracing for Covid in portions of the U.S. is even possible. Enjoy your summer source: msn.com \| share:	78
		As Coronavirus cases in the state have skyrocketed to nearly a quarter-million after a five-fold increase in the last two weeks, let's hear what Florida Gov DeSantis has to say for himself, shall we? source: cnn.com \| share:	71
		Apparently CNN got ahold of the Mary Trump book. Today is gonna be fun day source: cnn.com \| share:	108
		Brazil President Jair Bolsonaro: Well... this is awkward source: cnn.com \| share:	109
		Republican National Convention attendees will be tested every day for coronavirus, human-equivalent level of mental competency, self-tanner source: thehill.com \| share:	53
		"...any proposed approach to achieve herd immunity through natural infection is not only highly unethical, but also unachievable" source: cnn.com \| share:	80

Mon July 06, 2020
		Lightning strikes goalkeeper. God given red card, suspended for 3 games source: cnn.com \| share:	17

Sun July 05, 2020
		Sooo, who's about to become the next FDA commissioner: Ivanka, the My Pillow guy, or that doughy gun-waving couple from St. Louis? source: cnn.com \| share:	43
		She went to her Final Destination source: cnn.com \| share:	36
		Reset the clock source: cnn.com \| share:	143
		Maybe they should have attached a case of beer to the request source: cnn.com \| share:	17

Sat July 04, 2020
		News: Arizona Department of Health demands that 3 gyms comply with shutdown order and close within 26 minutes, or face legal action. Fark: "Liquor licenses at two gyms were suspended as a result of their continued operation over the last few days" source: cnn.com \| share:	73

Fri July 03, 2020
		It's almost as if having universal health care, a competent government, nonpartisanism, and deference to experts makes a difference source: cnn.com \| share:	205
		"What is Q-Anon," as explained by the deep state controlled media at CNN source: cnn.com \| share:	61
		Part of Massachusetts declares the more the merrier, polyamorous relationships to be recognized source: cnn.com \| share:	96
		The biggest difference for Trump between the 2020 election and 2016 is that he's burnt his honesty card source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	57

Thu July 02, 2020
		Japan one step closer to Snowpiercer. Buy your ticket now, you really don't want to end up in the bad section of that train source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	11
		A whopping 4.3 million idiots tuned in to see the frothing fear-mongering of nazi dishrag Tucker Carlson source: deadline.com \| share:	58
		Another day another story about someone who went to a party knowing they had Covid19 and infected and killed a bunch of people source: cnn.com \| share:	73
		Trump struggled yet again to answer what he would do in a second term. Even the guy who yelled "San Dimas High School football rules" was more prepared than the president source: cnn.com \| share:	105

Wed July 01, 2020
		Walter White has joined ISIS source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	33
		Perhaps auditioning for his next job as a stringer for "Variety", Trump takes a break from his day job of presidentin' during a pandemic to play amateur TV ratings analyst on Twitter source: thehill.com \| share:	18
		Fox anchor fired after being possessed by the ghost of Roger Ailes source: variety.com \| share:	13

Tue June 30, 2020
		Trump's worst is always what's next source: slate.com \| share:	16
		And here's a not-at-all-terrifying personal anecdote about Putin, told in light of the CNN article about Trump's calls to him source: threader.app \| share:	143
		According to Nancy Pelosi, intelligence officials didn't tell Trump stuff because he would stupidly tell Pooty-Poot because he's dumber than a box of rocks source: mediaite.com \| share:	73
		Does Hallmark have a card that says "I'm so very sorry my great-great-Grandpa colonized your country, enslaved your people, pillaged your resources, and killed 10 million of your citizens"? Because someone get the King of Belgium that card source: cnn.com \| share:	63
		In the wake of Princeton dropping Woodrow Wilson's name from campus, NJ Governor announces that he too is woke to anti-racism, and is doing his part by no longer using Wilson's old desk source: cnn.com \| share:	82
		Trump's "white Power" tweet stayed up so long because, even though it set off a "five alarm fire" with senior White House aides, the President had gone golfing and "put his phone down" so they couldn't reach him to get him to agree to delete it source: nbcnews.com \| share:	103
		For sale: Atlanta office/hotel complex. Located conveniently between Centennial Olympic Park and two world-class sports arenas. Transit train station attached. Namesake Chicken Noodle News not included source: wsbtv.com \| share:	25

Mon June 29, 2020
		Twitter and Facebook still don't have a problem with egregious, demonstrable lies. Shut. It. Down source: cnn.com \| share:	24
		Dr. Fauci bluntly explains why we can't have nice things in the United States source: msn.com \| share:	62
		I have to be at the quarantine in 26 minutes source: cnn.com \| share:	23
		COVID-19 claims another victim: People who spent tens of thousands of dollars on a cruise aren't getting their cash refunds quickly enough source: cnn.com \| share:	61
		What happened to John Roberts, lament conservatives, he used to be cool now he's like bogus source: mediaite.com \| share:	84
		Trump "didn't hear" white power chant he retweeted. Also didn't see report of Russian bounties on US soldiers. We should be OK with a president guided by smell, taste and touch, right? source: nypost.com \| share:	80
		Millionaire's donation incites youth to rage source: cnn.com \| share:	23

Sun June 28, 2020
		Good news coming from Trump's HHS secretary Alex Azar: We're all going to die from the coronavirus and you'll be lucky if you live though it as a zombie: 'Window closing for us to take action' source: cnn.com \| share:	119
		Cyclospora is nature's way of saying it's your own fault for being too damn lazy to make your own salad source: wfla.com \| share:	54
		Biden campaign enters March Madness final four phase source: masslive.com \| share:	191
		Right wing militia rally gets last minute sponsorship from Sacha Baron Cohen and you can see where this is going source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	70
		And lo that day Duke doth sucketh a mite less source: cnn.com \| share:	3

Sat June 27, 2020
		Yeah, I'd like a beer and 85 COVIDs to go source: cnn.com \| share:	129
		Trump Tweet Friday night: "I was going to go to Bedminster, New Jersey, this weekend, but wanted to stay in Washington, D.C. to make sure LAW & ORDER is enforced. " ..and by that, he meant "I'm going to my VA golf course instead" source: theguardian.com \| share:	40
		His depiction as kind, caring and respectful of women is a violation of the author's copyright. Bonus Fark: Not about James Bond source: cnn.com \| share:	54

Fri June 26, 2020
		Bill Barr is dispensing with US Attorneys the way Walmart allegedly dispensed opioids: freely and deliberately source: cnn.com \| share:	40
		Bill Gates: No more overseas vacations or sporting events until 80 percent of you take my vaccine source: cnn.com \| share:	164
(Some Guy)		Science tries to unravel the psychological benefits of prayer, and then will put that information on the shelf next to the benefits of meditation, chanting and placebos source: southernliving.com \| share:	17
		Saints safety Malcolm Jenkins must not want to play football this year source: espn.com \| share:	28

Thu June 25, 2020
		Governor Cuomo to Republican Governors: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt and it shouldn't be a life strategy either source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	12
		CNN's Chris Cuomo slobbers over brother Andrew: You're the best politician in the country source: mediaite.com \| share:	20
		Who runs Barter Town? He runs Barter Town, sort of source: thehill.com \| share:	21
		When a staid news organization like CNN is openly using words like "Apocalyptic" in their headlines for stories about a pandemic, well you're either getting zombies, or what we have incoming in the next few months..and the zombies would be preferable source: cnn.com \| share:	98
		Redskins remove monument to man who conspired to keep blacks out of the league. Still no action on their name source: cnn.com \| share:	20
		"If you value your health, do not believe the president" source: mediaite.com \| share:	32
		Devin Nunes cannot sue Twitter over a fake cow judge ruuuuuules source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	53

Wed June 24, 2020
		CNN gives us the 50 most repulsive things from Trump's speech in Arizona yesterday. Subby made it to 21 before his brain imploded source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	81
		Ken Burns says confederate participation trophies are an "attempt to rewrite history by white supremacists," vows to make a 14-part documentary proving they need to be torn down source: mediaite.com \| share:	60
		Fauci says he's no roadblock to NFL season, more like a flashing sign warning "Bridge out ahead" source: startribune.com \| share:	6
		The Pariah States of America source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	68

Tue June 23, 2020
		They ignore a subpoena, you pull their funding. It's the House of Representatives way source: salon.com \| share:	72
		Better to remain silent and let people think you're a racist, facist asshole than...eh, they already know, Bob, so shoot off that mouth source: msn.com \| share:	52

Mon June 22, 2020
		Trump campaign: what do fire marshals know anyway? Attendance was DOUBLE what your own lying eyes told you source: foxnews.com \| share:	119
		Based on common usage, Twitter reclassifies "#WhiteLivesMatter" as K-pop trend. Some users further riffed on it "by saying the Pillsbury Doughboy, stormtroopers from Star Wars and endangered white tigers were on the receiving end of disrespect" source: forbes.com \| share:	3
		CNN's Brianna Keilar conducts a Master Class for every so called "Journalist" on television about how to handle Republicans source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	102
		Uh oh, it's back to the bunker source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	144
		Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it You know, I just... do things source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	34
		Hold out all you people who have been living off the measly $1,200 the US government gave you way back when, a second coronavirus stimulus payment could be approved by Congress by August 8. Maybe it will last you until the second wave passes source: the-sun.com \| share:	62
		Baghdad Betty says Trump was "energized" and in a "great mood" after disastrous Tulsa rally source: foxnews.com \| share:	95
		Kudlow says there's 'no second wave' of coronavirus which means there's probably going to be at least 5-6 waves before we get better source: thehill.com \| share:	95
		Brad Parscale claims those who trolled Trump rally "don't know what they're talking about or how our rallies work." In other news, Brad Parscale still employed for now source: politico.com \| share:	66
		White House official claims President Trump was just joking about stifling Covid-19 testing. 120,000 Americans dead...that's is one hell of a punch line source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	59
		Knock. Knock. Knock. "Abracadabra!" ::Swoosh:: source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	3

Sat June 20, 2020
		56% of likely voters in military view Trump as weakest Commander in Chief compared to past presidents. Don't get too excited, it's probably from CNN or...holy crap, Rasmussen? I'll salute that source: twitter.com \| share:	143

Fri June 19, 2020
		The Tennessee House passes a resolution congratulating the people of Tennessee for being clueless rubes source: mediaite.com \| share:	29
(Some Guy)		Nothing, just a knockoff lego set of the Border Wall, complete with racist depictions of Mexicans. Ages 5+ source: republicanlegion.com \| share:	89
		You had me at 'hug tunnel' source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	34
		Twitter adds warning that Trump tweet was "manipulated media" source: nydailynews.com \| share:	44
		Mick Mulvaney: "Portions of John Bolton's book are 'factually false' and 'classified." Reporter: "How so?" Mick Mulvaney: "Um, errrrrrr, um OBAMAGATE, BENGHAZI, EMAILS" source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	59
		Iceland: The land that coronavirus forgot ...it's like it never happened source: 9news.com.au \| share:	53
		Well, officer, care to tell us how you really feel? source: wcax.com \| share:	91
		Fox will be in the doghouse now source: politico.com \| share:	23

Thu June 18, 2020
		Dr. Fauci: "Football may not happen this year." NFL: "Challenge accepted" source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	31
		Tucker Carlson says destroying Confederate statues is "just like" the Taliban destroying relics source: mediamatters.org \| share:	106

Wed June 17, 2020
		It takes two to tango and Senator Kennedy wants those filthy Yankees to lose their monuments too source: mediaite.com \| share:	165
		One of the first major televised post-Covid competitive events to be held in the US? Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest source: fox5sandiego.com \| share:	39

Tue June 16, 2020
		62-year old veteran reported missing lass month from a Massachusetts VA hospital has been found, or what's left of him anyway, because someone at the hospital apparently decided to "get their steps in" and take the stairs instead of the elevator source: wgntv.com \| share:	75
		US embassy in worst Korea removes BLM banner because... well, you know exactly why source: npr.org \| share:	35

Mon June 15, 2020
		White House demands apology from Brian Stelter for being mean to a woman. Hillary Clinton seen looking up the definition of "irony" source: mediaite.com \| share:	55
		Mediate very concerned about CNN, NBC & NYT double standard over Trump Rallies and Black Lives Matter protests source: mediaite.com \| share:	71

Sat June 13, 2020
		Don Lemon responds to being called out by Dave Chapelle, is not in the mood to party source: thewrap.com \| share:	74

Fri June 12, 2020
		Yo Dawg, if the loser Trump hates losers so much, why does he defend these losers and their Confederate symbols so much? source: newyorker.com \| share:	44
		The derpiest most unhinged pro-Trump TV network promised Trump they'd deliver him a "strong poll" and then went silent and yanked the story when the best they could get was a tie with Biden source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	44

Thu June 11, 2020
		Dead PD source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	69

Wed June 10, 2020
		Thanks to Republican malgovernment, Arizona hospitals are now overwhelmed by Covid patients. Sick tag is in the ICU source: forbes.com \| share:	251
		Remains of missing children believed found at the stepfather's Idaho home. Normally a sad tag indeed... but somehow TFA managed to screw up the caption for the youngsters source: cbs58.com \| share:	89
		CNN wonders why Bunker Baby hasn't met with protesters or visited riot torn Minneapolis despite his precedent for doing so source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	52
		OANN in an internal civil war over the "report" where they claimed an old guy fell and hit his head for the ANTIFA cause source: washingtonexaminer.com \| share:	123

Tue June 09, 2020
		Trump's favorite pollster shows his approval rate jumping over 6 points. Oh did I say jump, I meant to say it was pushed down like a 75 year old man source: mediaite.com \| share:	58
		We got it, Ted. Nobody wants to see you naked source: thehill.com \| share:	39
		While most of us are trying to keep our jobs, why not have a look inside American Horror Story creator's home. Totally not tone deaf, CNN source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	24
		Turns out that the Trump campaign is running ads in DC with the sole aim of making Trump feel better source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	57
		Man arrested during traffic stop for "possession of an infernal machine." Hail Satan source: futurism.com \| share:	75

Mon June 08, 2020
		For the last time, guys: Pee-pees are EXIT ONLY source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	123
		Good news for Chris Cuomo groupies I guess source: pagesix.com \| share:	72
		Huckabee livid to discover he is one of the few Republican men left on his knees for Trump source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	81
		38% source: politico.com \| share:	116
		"The Rock just gave a more presidential speech than Trump". Well, sure, but that's a bar set so low that teams of scientists are feverishly working on creating a new unit of measurement to describe its height source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	67
		Looks like somebody switched over to CNN source: twitter.com \| share:	67
		Go Fund Yourself source: variety.com \| share:	53
		...to be written by Stephen Miller source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	121

Sun June 07, 2020
		Colin Powell confirms his support and endorsement for Joe Biden, says Trump has "drifted away" from the Constitution source: mediaite.com \| share:	101

Fri June 05, 2020
		Tucker Carlson demands vigilante justice against protesters source: mediamatters.org \| share:	197

Thu June 04, 2020
		The Governor of Minnesota has deployed National Guard troops apparently to counter the threat of an invasion from North Dakota source: thehill.com \| share:	42
		A bad thing about the George Floyd protests? COVID-19 spikes source: msn.com \| share:	185

Wed June 03, 2020
		White House expresses full confidence in defense chief Esper source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	60
		"Daddy changed the world" (video) source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	87
		Hey Steve, can you check the shocks while you're down there? source: thehill.com \| share:	28
		Pentagon official resigns over Mark Esper clearing park of protestors for Trump. "Support and defend the Constitution of the United States ... and to bear true faith and allegiance to the same".... "I believe that you violated that oath" source: wral.com \| share:	57
		Former GW Bush administration members form super PAC to support...Biden? source: thehill.com \| share:	89

Tue June 02, 2020
		Canada: "Russia is NOT welcome in the G-7 (and we say that in the most polite way possible") source: thehill.com \| share:	59

Mon June 01, 2020
		CNN president Jeff Zucker knows NYC needs another billionaire to run things, now seriously thinking about running for mayor next year source: nytimes.com \| share:	14
		Trump from the Rose Garden, 6:15 PM ET. Link is to live CNN since there is no dedicated stream source: go.cnn.com \| share:	996
		On this day in history, in 1980, CNN was launched as Ted Turner excavated Wolf Blitzer from the glacier he'd been frozen in since Neolithic times source: history.com \| share:	38

Sun May 31, 2020
		Sunday night civil unrest thread. LGT cities with curfews source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	2413
		Lemon ain't here for the party source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	25

Sat May 30, 2020
		While the US struggles with almost two million cases and 104,000 deaths, Vietnam, a country without wealth or an advanced healthcare system has not even had one death, here's why source: nypost.com \| share:	141
		Remember the Mueller investigation? Pepperidge Farms remembers ... and so do CNN and BuzzFeed News, who successfully sued for more access to witness interviews source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	45

Fri May 29, 2020
		To paraphrase LBJ: "When you've lost Lumpy, you've lost the war" source: apnews.com \| share:	50
		Minneapolis mayor lays smackdown on Trump (video) source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	122
		CNN camera crew arrested on live TV in Minneapolis. They were standing where they were instructed to. The area was secured. UPDATE: They've been released source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	401

Wed May 27, 2020
		"Bath & Body Works had a strong quarter. Its online sales grew 85% over last year. It expects its sanitizer products to grow into a $300 million business this year, up from $100 million last year." So it's a PERFECT time to close 50 stores source: delish.com \| share:	13
		Can't have a second wave if the first wave never ends source: cnbc.com \| share:	80
		Don Lemon destroys Twitter for hiding behind profit and the First Amendment and fact-checking Trump instead of banning him source: mediaite.com \| share:	136

Tue May 26, 2020
		Twitter finally labels Trump's tweets 'fact check this BS' source: techcrunch.com \| share:	126

Mon May 25, 2020
		The guy who was pretending to work as DNI will shortly stop pretending to be Ambassador to Germany as well source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	14
		White House Press Secretary: Golf is not okay while the U.S. mourns source: huffpost.com \| share:	64
		EU privacy laws intended to regulate Facebook et al used to stop a grandmother posting online images of her grandchildren source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	28

Sun May 24, 2020
		Allen West injured in motorcycle accident, batcycle taken in for repairs source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	89
		Not News: 65 year old Texas man dies. News: due to injuries from aggressive consensual sex from his better half. Fark: an 81 year old man. UltraFark: whom he's related to source: kctv5.com \| share:	116

Sat May 23, 2020
		It's not a good idea to rob a bank where the teller may recognize you as a customer. Do you understand that, Mr. Fire Department Captain? source: msn.com \| share:	13

Fri May 22, 2020
		Move over, Florida Man: Georgia Man charged with faking COVID-19 diagnosis, panicking co-workers and costing employer over $100K source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	25
		More grapefruit headed for a horrible ending because of this source: hollywoodreporter.com \| share:	33

Thu May 21, 2020
		Wilson Roosevelt Jerman, White House Butler to 11 presidents, dies from covid-19 source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	43
		Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. Now batting for the Yankees, the drive in movie theater source: 1010wins.radio.com \| share:	22
		It's come to this: the Michigan AG promises legal action for any facility that allows President Trump to visit without a mask source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	126

Wed May 20, 2020
		It's a HORSE RACE, we SWEAR, you MUST tune into CNN obsessively until November, really, we promise, hey, where are you going? source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	60
		Badge of Honor 2: Badging Harder source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	46

Tue May 19, 2020
		Are you there God? It's me, a CNN opinion columnist source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	68
		President Morbidly Obese calls his successor a waste of time. Just because she'll be alive to take my job doesn't mean she knows what's she's doing source: usatoday.com \| share:	126
		Chris Cuomo has some sage, stern advice for Democrats source: mediaite.com \| share:	58

Mon May 18, 2020
		The ocean stole Shad Gaspard of Cryme Tyme source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	6
		Zumba leads to corona, study finds source: fox40.com \| share:	18
		Man cannot find anywhere on in-law's 17,000-acre farm that has cellular service from where he can work out of his wife's minivan. Hill area ensues source: dfw.cbslocal.com \| share:	19
		Kaitlin Collins, after being taunted by Trump for being a "faker," rebukes Dolt45 by reminding him 90,000 Americans are dead from Coronavirus source: mediaite.com \| share:	95

Sun May 17, 2020
		How to tell if Trump is lying. Meghan Trainor unavailable for comment source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	46
		Man alone at sea for 3 months emerges to a changed world, can't wait to get back out on the ocean where it's safe source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	23

Sat May 16, 2020
		Oh, this isn't going to go over well. Prepare for a Cat 4 Twitter storm soon source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	122
		Lindsey Graham busted for operating illicit salon source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	41
		Hello, 2020? Finish him source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	63

Fri May 15, 2020
		6.4-magnitude earthquake rattles Nevada about 225 miles northwest of Las Vegas. Tens of dollars of damages expected source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	72

Thu May 14, 2020
		If you tweet, "Do I have to show the lame security guard outside of a ghetto store my Covid-19 test results? I will show him my Glock 21 shooting range results," you might not want to work for a law firm nor use your real name on social media source: dfw.cbslocal.com \| share:	84
		CNN's virus town hall today includes the expertise of Greta Thunberg. This is CNN source: twitter.com \| share:	110
		113-year-old woman survives two world wars, Spanish flu and now coronavirus in order to keep her grip on the Oldest Woman in Spain title source: myfox8.com \| share:	21

Wed May 13, 2020
		Soooo can you guess which governor's coronavirus response is the least popular amongst their constituents ? Hint: Cadet Bone Spur gave his coronavirus response a thumbs up, then immediately used both hands to toss him under the bus source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	36
		Liz Cheney just jumped into the Fauci debate. And defended him. Fauci, she defended Fauci source: mediaite.com \| share:	38
		48 to co-chair 46's campaign climate task force source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	88
		"Do you think the global pandemic is a partisan issue? It'd be a lot cooler if you didn't" source: thehill.com \| share:	27
		ESPN is "running out of things to talk about" source: nypost.com \| share:	41
		"Is Fauci right about the science? Do we have any particular reason to think he is?" wonders Tucker Carlson, who clearly doesn't think being a medical doctor requires scientific acumen source: mediamatters.org \| share:	88

Tue May 12, 2020
		Fox News tells its employees to continue working from home for at least another month -- as its hosts call for stay-at-home orders to be lifted and for people to go back to work source: businessinsider.com \| share:	46
		Trump campaign advisor: "This is coronavirus press conference number, what, probably somewhere in the 50s? POC liberal women have been present at every one of them and asked stupid questions. Sometimes for HOURS." Dogs barked source: mediaite.com \| share:	62
		Portland to go ahead with its naked coranvirus bike riding party source: mandatory.com \| share:	46

Mon May 11, 2020
		Brave Sir Donald ran away source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	185
		Typically Donald Trump has to sleep with a T-Rex and Fauci gets to sleep with a widowed First Lady. Wait do these books exist in the same shared universe? source: mediaite.com \| share:	15
		AT&T Ex-CEO Randall Stephenson pooch screws his company and retires with a $274,000 a month pension for the rest of his life. You'd submit this with a better headline, but your AT&T internet service lost connection source: marketwatch.com \| share:	23
		The tribe says "screw you" after the South Dakota Governor threatens to sue the Sioux (over Coronavirus check points) source: alternet.org \| share:	54
		RIP Double Rainbow Guy, hope you finally learn what it all means source: fox8.com \| share:	48

Sun May 10, 2020
		Vice President Pence not self-isolating after positive aide's test source: cnn.com \| share:	108
		Fauci in "modified quarantine," which is a weird way of saying Guantanamo source: cnn.com \| share:	65

Sat May 09, 2020
		Just like Cadet Bone Spur's presidency, Obama says that the White House's response to coronavirus has been an 'absolute chaotic disaster' source: cnn.com \| share:	75
		South Dakota Gov Kristi Noem (R-epugnant) to Sioux tribes: you have 48 hours to remove your coronavirus checkpoints, or we'll send in the cavalry with smallpox-infested blankets source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	107

Fri May 08, 2020
		White House "press secretary" Kayleigh McEnany, blames her past public statements criticizing Trump on the fact that she "naively believed" CNN's reporting about Trump...you know, when she was a paid commentator for the network? source: thehill.com \| share:	52
		White House attempts murder on elderly. Trump apparently does NOT want to be reelected source: slate.com \| share:	26
		Seattle to permanently close twenty miles of streets after everyone realizes life is better without cars running everyone over source: cnn.com \| share:	50
		Satellite mages show armadas of vacant cruise ships that have been turned into prisons for their infected crews huddling together at sea ...waiting to turn into zombie sailor ghost ships source: thedrive.com \| share:	101
		White House Press Secretary: "Look, the GOP doesn't need to be turning away voters and isolating them. We need to be bringing them into the tent. Donald Trump is the last person who's going to do that" source: cnn.com \| share:	52

Thu May 07, 2020
		If you got a stimulus payment while dead, IRS wants you to return it source: wfla.com \| share:	71
		Trump's valet has tested positive for coronavirus. If Trump gets sick and dies - the butler did it source: cnn.com \| share:	446
		Alaskan school board votes to ban certain classic books. Help comes from an unlikely source: "Any student or parent that wants a copy of the recently removed books can email the band, and they'll send them the books for free" source: cnn.com \| share:	63

Wed May 06, 2020
		NYC getting ready to party like it's 1975 source: nypost.com \| share:	45

Tue May 05, 2020
		Trump contradicts his White House storyline again, says quiet part out loud about blocking Fauci's House testimony source: cnbc.com \| share:	69
		Dr. Rick Bright says "F*ck it, can't fire me twice" and files whistleblower complaint against administration source: cnn.com \| share:	101
		Frontier Airlines will let you pay to keep middle seat empty on your flight. For a little extra, a United Airlines employee can come aboard and drag the guy across from you off the plane kicking and screaming source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	22
		Trump says he's been treated worse than Lincoln. Presidential Historian Doris Goodwin says Lincoln would disagree - and she'd know, she made her bones covering the Civil War source: mediaite.com \| share:	50
		Yet another argument against homebrewing source: pennlive.com \| share:	19
		Thirty of the best Dad Jokes™ you've ever heard source: boredpanda.com \| share:	9

Mon May 04, 2020
		The Eagle has bump screech bang landed source: thedrive.com \| share:	29
		It was just horseplay. He was coming right at him. He was cleaning it and it accidentally went off. I'll wait until I hear the other side source: cnn.com \| share:	72
		Another thing black people can't do without getting shot: Jogging source: cnn.com \| share:	81
		"Experts" warn that there may be academic consequences to having a generation of elementary-aged kids home schooled by day-drinkers source: cnn.com \| share:	90
		Jake Tapper again quizzes Larry Kudlow on just how Trump contained the Coronavirus in February source: mediaite.com \| share:	32
		The Trump campaign is celebrating Star Wars day with a video of Yoda chopping off clone trooper's heads poorly mocked up to be CNN and MSNBC. Support the troops source: twitter.com \| share:	100
		Jared Kushner disputes Gov. Whitmer's claim that the state is having trouble obtaining supplies to do adequate testing. Well, in choosing who is more credible, the Governor of a state or.....Wait, what EXACTLY is it that Jared Kushner does? source: cnn.com \| share:	53

Sun May 03, 2020
		Porch pirates dressed as nurses want to take your vitals source: cnn.com \| share:	51
		North and South Korea started shooting across the DMZ at each other and nobody knows why source: cnn.com \| share:	69

Sat May 02, 2020
		Infectious disease experts warn pandemic is more of a "rolling situation", prepare us to "expect more New Yorks" source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	95
		There you have it naysayers, former senior adviser to President Barack Obama David Axelrod has stated that the Obama team vetted Biden in 2008 and found no hint of the Tara Reade allegation. Complete proof source: cnn.com \| share:	341
		Wuhan becomes the top tourist destination for Chinese travelers, proving once again the two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity source: cnn.com \| share:	52

Fri May 01, 2020
		Seizing wages from student loan borrowers during pandemic when you announced you wouldn't and then Congress ordered you not to? Well, heavens to Betsy source: cnn.com \| share:	47
		I will never lie to you, lies the White House Press Secretary source: cnn.com \| share:	74
		Hey ladies, you wanna get with an older dude who has nipple piercings? source: foxnews.com \| share:	23
		Two California towns that re-opened their beaches decide to sue the governor after he issues an order re-closing them. "Given that Orange County has among the lowest per-capita COVID-19 death rates in CA" They ALMOST get it source: cnn.com \| share:	32
		"I will not die of stupid." Difficulty: Lives in Florida source: tampabay.com \| share:	55
		Does, does he plan to send them to bed without supper or make them stand in the corner? source: nypost.com \| share:	69

Thu April 30, 2020
		Judge tells Klayman and Arpaio to stop wasting the courts time but refuses to sanction them, meaning they will continue to waste the court's time by changing the date on suit and refiling it source: lawandcrime.com \| share:	23
		"I believe the people of this country are smart. And I don't think that they will put a man in who's incompetent," says man who apparently learned nothing from his own election source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	53

Wed April 29, 2020
		Scientists are experimenting with estrogen for males suffering from COVID-19 infection. Side-effects include earning 22% less per hour and being able to locate objects in the junk drawer source: livescience.com \| share:	58
		Not news: Trump threatens to sue. Kind of News: Threatens to sue an employee. Fark: Threatens to sue his campaign manager source: mediaite.com \| share:	65
		Meat plant workers to Trump: Eat a bag of cow dicks source: cnn.com \| share:	129
		That black light poster you had in high school just came to life... Again source: cnn.com \| share:	16
		Egypt: So we found more mummies and- Rest of world: YOU AIN'T OPENING JACK SHIAT RIGHT NOW source: cnn.com \| share:	19

Tue April 28, 2020
		"When the announcement came from the White House on Monday morning that there would be no briefing, there was a sigh of relief...from weary fact-checkers and health care professionals, and from members of President Donald Trump's own political party" source: cnn.com \| share:	27
		"Diamond and Silk" were fired from "Fox Nation" for spreading conspiracy theories about Covid-19 including, that it was a bio-engineered weapon being deliberately spread and the 5G nonsense. So, of course, the President goes to bat for them source: politico.com \| share:	92

Mon April 27, 2020
		Reality: 10,000 Americans have died of Coronavirus in the last five days. Texas Republican Alt-Reality: Time to open back up source: cnn.com \| share:	71
		Former Clinton Press Secretary offers +1 Insightful advice on handling Trump briefing room rallys to White House press corps source: cnn.com \| share:	68
		Tyson Foods warns "The food supply chain is breaking" as Americans realize things really haven't changed since Upton Sinclair's time source: fox40.com \| share:	241
		2 million chickens will be killed in Delaware and Maryland because of lack of employees at processing plants. Gonzo inconsolable source: fox2now.com \| share:	49
		Dr. Deborah Birx passes Trump's loyalty test on CNN. Subby is sure Trump will reward that by throwing her under the bus extra gently once her time has come source: boingboing.net \| share:	49
		Trump admits he is about to fire Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar source: cnn.com \| share:	15
		Let's add theft of federal funds for campaign purposes to the list of charges against the Trump administration source: cnn.com \| share:	66

Sun April 26, 2020
		News: Trump quit giving coronavirus briefings because CNN reporter Kaitlin Collins refused to be moved to the back row... Fark: She refused to be moved after being threatened with Secret Service involvement source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	173
		It's hard to isolate when your "cage" apartment is less than 100 square feet source: cnn.com \| share:	87

Sat April 25, 2020
		CNN: "The president was not joking in his remarks yesterday when he talked about injecting people with disinfectant, nor were we imagining the incredulous looks he got from his medical team when he made the suggestion." Just kidding, it was Fox News source: mediaite.com \| share:	145
		He might be dead. He might be alive. He's Schrödinger's dictator source: tmz.com \| share:	333
		Meet a real American hero source: cnn.com \| share:	147
		Meanwhile, in Southern California it's already too hot to go to the beach source: cnn.com \| share:	109

Fri April 24, 2020
		Las Vegas Mayor Goodman: "It's a dry heat and it will kill coronavirus" Vegas locals: "Our ACs are already on" source: 8newsnow.com \| share:	86
		By the time he arrives at work, Trump "has been up as early as 5 a.m. watching Fox News, then CNN, with a dollop of MSNBC thrown in for rage viewing" source: theweek.com \| share:	63
		YouTube bans 'medically unsubstantiated' content, Your move Twitter source: nypost.com \| share:	3
		The first rule of Dinner Party is you don't talk about Dinner Party source: cnn.com \| share:	92

Thu April 23, 2020
		"You can't Sharpie a drug into acceptability," Jake Tapper says of Trump's Covid-19 response source: mediaite.com \| share:	39
		"Mass quarantines, they tell us again and again, are the only way to save lives, but that's a lie," claims Fox News resident Coronavirus strain source: mediamatters.org \| share:	87
		Las Vegas mayor gets Anderson Cooper to take off his glasses and perform a rare double facepalm at 16:50 source: mediaite.com \| share:	72

Wed April 22, 2020
		If you're the human shart who stole an ER nurse's puppy in Concord, CA, your safest bet might be to give Max back before the public gets its hands on you source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com \| share:	69
		Jim Acosta runs out of f*cks to give again source: mediaite.com \| share:	35
		Hope none of America's enemies have robust, healthy naval forces, because we currently don't source: cnn.com \| share:	84
		Not news: Woman gives birth. News: Woman gives birth to twins. Fark: 68-year-old woman gives birth to twins source: cnn.com \| share:	42

Tue April 21, 2020
		Sales are booming for the new kevlar implants source: cnn.com \| share:	37
		CDC chief warns that the flu could tag-team with covid-19 to kick our assess this winter source: cnn.com \| share:	89

Mon April 20, 2020
		CNN: Will companies that reopen be liable if their employees catch the virus? President Genius Epidemiologist: Huh, we didn't think of that source: twitter.com \| share:	85
		Please, proceed source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	36
		I think it's called Congressional oversight source: thehill.com \| share:	23
		Trump's attempt at a snappy put-down of a CNN reporter who asked a question he didn't like goes about as well as you'd imagine: "You don't have half the brains you were born with"...wait. What? source: thehill.com \| share:	56
		Supreme Court: Mostly guilty isn't enough to convict someone; unanimous jury verdicts required. This means you, Louisiana source: cnn.com \| share:	70
		"You people are so pathetic," Trump whines at CNN reporter who called him out for masturbatory self-praise over the graves of 40,000 Coronavirus victims source: mediaite.com \| share:	113
		NewsFlash: President Trump speaks the truth source: cnn.com \| share:	38

Sun April 19, 2020
		Pastor arranged to have people bused to his church, because they are too poor to get there on their own. Then he asked them to give him their stimulus checks, because--hey, wait a minute source: crooksandliars.com \| share:	49
		This 96-year-old WWII veteran donned a mohawk to intimidate the Germans. He's doing it again to spread joy during the pandemic source: fox43.com \| share:	44
		"Well, that's a look at the weather. And now for this awesome drum solo" source: cnn.com \| share:	28
		If you lose something in your car, remember to look under the seat. Especially if it's a baby source: cnn.com \| share:	29
		Drudge vs. Trump. letthemfight.jpg source: cnn.com \| share:	45

Fri April 17, 2020
		If you ever wanted to experience zipping in and out of LAX without traffic, now is your moment source: cnn.com \| share:	6
		CNN reporter fact-checks Trump in real-time at one of his Coronavirus pressers source: thenewcivilrightsmovement.com \| share:	42
		Here's to you, farmer Ryan Cranney of Idaho, for giving away 2 million potatoes to anyone in need source: cnn.com \| share:	14
		Michael Cohen to be released from prison due to Covid-19, nervously starts hiding notes around his house saying that he did NOT commit suicide source: cnn.com \| share:	39
		"We don't live in a monarchy in the United States and it's long past time for Prince Jared and Princess Ivanka to rejoin the private sector" source: cnn.com \| share:	43
		Citing Alex Jones and the Tangerine Terror, the 12 jurors from Roger Stone's trial are afraid for their lives source: rollingstone.com \| share:	46

Thu April 16, 2020
		Please excuse Juan for two weeks, he's in quarantine after testing positive for COVID-19. Signed, Epstein's Mother source: edition.cnn.com \| share:	31
		"It's dishonest of CNN and MSNBC to pull away from Trump's briefings in real-time to fact-check him," claims Geraldo source: mediaite.com \| share:	48
		White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany blasts CNN and MSNBC for not broadcasting Dear Leader's briefings in full, says they should just broadcast all the lies instead source: mediaite.com \| share:	80

Wed April 15, 2020
		Rep. Justin Amash (R-No Longer) to seek Libertarian Party nomination for President. There you go, small government Republicans source: cnn.com \| share:	59
		NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio has bad news for Yankees fans, good news for Mets fans source: nypost.com \| share:	3
		Chris Cuomo reveals setback in his fight against coronavirus. That's one way to keep the status cuo at CNN source: today.com \| share:	14

Tue April 14, 2020
		Trey Hollingsworth (R-epulsive) says the quiet part out loud source: cnn.com \| share:	139
		Doctors using the "burgers on the grill" method to save the lives of coronavirus patients source: cnn.com \| share:	50
		A tale of two universes: Fox News and CNN chyrons show the difference between delusion and reality source: mediaite.com \| share:	51
		Are food shortages coming? Yes, if we panic. So, yes source: cnn.com \| share:	118
		COVID-19-stricken Chris Cuomo evaluates life. He's had it with Trump, Democrats, CNN, fat bikers and all the rest of you assholes source: nypost.com \| share:	82
		Who does propaganda better, Trump or Lil' Kim? source: politicususa.com \| share:	34
		CNN's chyron writer writes the things that need to be said out loud source: twitter.com \| share:	129

Mon April 13, 2020
		It's Bad You Know: Detroit Hospital has run out of room .... for the deceased. Well just put him over there, over there in that chair source: cnn.com \| share:	62
		Ted Cruz tries to OWN Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer on Twitter, self-owns himself so hard he has to delete his tweet when she calls him out source: dailydot.com \| share:	116
		Nearly all of trump's base believes the novel coronavirus was made in a lab source: cnn.com \| share:	163
		China's decided to go with the "it wasn't me" approach to the Covid-19 pandemic, warning universities and academics that any research papers tracing the origins of the outbreak "must be tightly controlled" and approved by the Central Government source: cnn.com \| share:	112
		Not news: Seven guys go on an "essential" 7-Eleven run. Fark: to the next county over in a state that's under lockdown source: cnn.com \| share:	71

Sun April 12, 2020
		If the US is reopened May 1, we'll be ref*cked by Covid-19 source: axios.com \| share:	234
		Dr. Fauci basically calls out Trump for letting tens of thousands die by ignoring science source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	117

Sat April 11, 2020
		Louie Gohmert, concerned that he was losing the title of "Dumbest Man in the House" comes back swinging source: dallasnews.com \| share:	83
		No one could have ever predicted that the boss of the Navy firing the captain of a ship for trying to save the lives of his crew, then calling the captain stupid and reprimanding the crew for liking him, might cause a minor morale problem source: cnn.com \| share:	155

Fri April 10, 2020
		Coronavirus papers please source: nypost.com \| share:	44
		CNN Infographic asks "Is stage-4 Trump Derangement Syndrome considered an underlying morbidity?" during segment with CDC Director source: mediaite.com \| share:	74
		Superstitious idiot will continue to be superstitious no matter what. The magic guy in the sky will wave a magic wand and all the coronavirus will disappear. Our superstition rules, science drools source: kxan.com \| share:	91
		Governor mulling over opening schools because 'Coronavirus doesn't seem to threaten kids'. Yup, Florida source: thehill.com \| share:	90

Thu April 09, 2020
		You think your industry is hurting now? This one deserves the sick tag in more ways than one source: whdh.com \| share:	6
		Dr Fauci recommends we never shake hands ever again. We can still wink at each other source: foxnews.com \| share:	87
		Mike Pence's office is refusing to let Dr. Fauci or any other COVID-19 task force member appear on CNN. You have a problem with this, comrade? source: cnn.com \| share:	83
		Not idly do the fossils of Lorien fall source: cnn.com \| share:	4

Wed April 08, 2020
		Massie is quite the assie source: cnn.com \| share:	38
		Chris Cuomo rages against Trump's asinine leadership source: mediaite.com \| share:	68
(Some Guy)		R.I.P. Charlotte Figi, the brave little girl who inspired the Charlotte's Web CBD strain, has died from coronavirus source: coloradosun.com \| share:	53
		Headline:"Jay Benedict, 'The Dark Knight Rises' actor, dies from coronavirus" IMDB: He played "rich twit" in the movie source: cnn.com \| share:	9

Tue April 07, 2020
		Looks like we're gonna need a new Acting Acting Navy Secretary source: cnn.com \| share:	235
		Alyssa Milano has not charmed Rose McGowan source: newsbusters.org \| share:	76
		Daily reminder that old people give 0 farks about staying at home during this shiatshow. Start with 95 year old driving to Trader Joes for fun. Stay for God is protecting me from everything source: cnn.com \| share:	121
		Trump is using his Coronavirus rally briefings to try and rewrite history, the Duck Tales theme song echoing in his head source: mediaite.com \| share:	67
		Hold my tiara, I'm about to wreck some shiat source: cnn.com \| share:	35
		With nobody looking, they finally took off their pandanas during this pandamic and it was pandamonium source: cnn.com \| share:	15

Mon April 06, 2020
		In Louisiana, churches violating orders to limit crowd size are punished with cute pieces of paper called Citations. This church has six citations and next Sunday will make it seven. Cute source: nbcnews.com \| share:	91
		Trump approves NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo's request to treat COVID-19 patients aboard USNS Comfort hospital ship. It's a beautiful thing that it only took eight days since it arrived source: cnn.com \| share:	21
		Over the mountains and through the woods to go get some smokes, I go. Quarantined in a way but I decided to say that I needed to take care of my jones source: cnn.com \| share:	19
		They asked me how well I understood theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical degree in physics. They said welcome aboard source: cnn.com \| share:	78
		Fired commander of USS Theodore Roosevelt tests positive for COVID-19. In other news: Defense secretary Esper defends decision to have him fired, citing the high standards in this administration: "We hold leaders accountable for their actions" source: edition.cnn.com \| share: