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| Tue May 17, 2022 |
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Grab your lerps and start reticulating those splines
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Can Jayson Tatum, Marcus Smart, and the rest of the Celtics go into Miami and take Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Heat? Or will Tyler Herro, Kyle Lowry, and Miami triumph? Tipoff is at 8:30 PM ET on ESPN
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Today is National Pack Rat Day, a day to celebrate the musical talents of Martin Dean, Sinatra Frank, and Davis Sammy, Jr
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After a hellish day without hockey, the Johnny Sex Cup Playoffs return. The Florida Fracas starts Round 2, will the 2-year champions be too hot to handle for the Pretty Kitties? Will CO get past the 2nd round on their 4th try in a row? Pucks @ 7pm ET
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"My kid could do that" painting swapped for a cheese sandwich, expected to sell for $35,000, goes for a bit more, eh
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"My kid could do that" painting swapped for a cheese sandwich, expected to sell for $35,000, goes for a bit more, eh
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Dodger Stadium hosts first doubleheader since 1999. To beat the traffic, all fans are expected to arrive after game 1 ends, and leave before game 2 starts
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Anson has Mounted our nerdy hearts
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This whole sordid tale is just further evidence that border collie mixes are smart enough to steal cars and use credit cards, but not very good drivers
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Anyone want to read a whole "article" explaining that the FBI wouldn't actually advertise their surveillance in their router name? OR WOULD THEY
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| (Martin the Martian) |
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Make this Martian doorway a bit more welcoming
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Much like most "wine experts" can't tell the difference when blindfolded between red wine and white wine, most poetry fans can't tell the difference between poems written by humans and poems written by robots. And don't get me started on Vogons
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Liverpudlians of a certain age reminisce about the decades when what is now a well-known shoestore was a cinema showing cartoon films all day... except for its three years as a members-only porno theater
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Walmart profits dropped in the 1st quarter due to inflation. The economic geniuses around here assured everyone evil corporations like Walmart cause the very inflation that is hurting it
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Intercepted calls back home from Russian soldiers fighting near Zaporizhzhia show they are terrified of all the western weapons the Ukrainians are deploying, particularly the Bayraktar drones. Wait until they find out about the Dementors
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The Internet is obsessed with food sculptures, says writer who copies some social media posts and cashes the check
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The Internet is obsessed with food sculptures, says writer who copies some social media posts and cashes the check
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Damned, Big Country, The B-52's, and Peter Murphy. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #343. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Even Paul McCartney made some bombs
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"The most precise measurement of a W boson presents a possible challenge to the Standard Model of particle physics." I bet a W bosom is a LOT bigger than a D, a--what? It's W BOSON not bosom? Is it still sexy?
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Happening now: Congress holding first public hearing on UFOs in over 50 years. Pentagon officials are testifying before a House Intelligence Committee subcommittee about how the Defense Department is organizing reports of these mysterious objects. Good luck staying awake
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You know, NPR really didn't need to write a single word for this article. They could have just published the headline and the photo and called it a day
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Traveling by car for Memorial Day? Enjoy your $5 gas. Also enjoy this annual AAA article telling us there will be traffic
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Behavior analysis for thrice-rescued sea lion ignores the fact that for a pinniped, traveling inland is an ART ART ART
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Can El Desperado slay Titán? Will TJP drop the bass on Master Wato? Does a random kaiju attack spare us from BUSHI vs ELP? B Block action begins at BEST OF THE SUPER Jr. 29: Day 2, starting @ 5:30 AM ET on NJPWWorld.com, the King of Sports
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The Pennsylvania GOP primaries haven't yet started, but the finger pointing has already started as to who is responsible for losing the governor's seat this fall. Is it MAGA, or Ultra-MAGA?
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If you filed a worker's compensation claim in Texas, it was not only likely denied, but now your information was stolen from a data breach with the Texas Department of Insurance
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If you have to take an entrance exam for the 26th time in 40 years to get into your dream school, maybe you should just admit that it's just a dream and move on
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Citing awkward experience of both fighting and supplying Apple in smartphones, Samsung halts initiative to make its own EVs and compete with similar frenemies
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| Mon May 16, 2022 |
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Socialism is only when the OTHER party does it
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Tonight on RAW: Lashley gets his wish of facing Omos in the one place MVP can't get involved....A STEEL CAGE. Or can he? A.J., Finn & Liv look for a way to stop Judgement Day. Maybe spin the earth backwards? See if that works at 8 PM ET on USA
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Uncle Ben, who famously opened up America's printing press to Wall Street for 8 straight years, has harsh words for the guy who basically continued his policies. "They should have acted sooner." Says the guy who started the fire
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Oil prices skyrocket. Not to worry, they will also crater. Not to worry, crater is up there on a meteor. Not to worry, meteor is hurtling towards earth, will end up cratering. Not to worry, the material kicked up from that crater will skyrocket
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If you ever wanted to play a 1980's style fantasy cartoon this is your chance
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German Chancellor Scholz says he sees nothing, NOTHING, wrong with his policy towards Ukraine despite his party getting trashed in local elections in Germany's biggest state, which has been a stronghold for his party. Think California going full GOP
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Happy Monday, creative Farkers. This is your weekly Fark Arting Thread. Share your art, crafts, hobbies, and inspiration
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US military: You never leave a man behind. Russian military: So anyway, I started blasting
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CNN editor: We need another doom article about inflation, stat. Bonus if you can hit a few notes about Biden and/or Democrats being in disarray. Oh, and we'd really like some sort of organized crime theme tying it all together. Writer: On it, boss
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Trial begins for roommate accused of killing, dismembering "Thundercats" writer around Tampa. Should've used "The Sword Of Omens" instead of a Walmart circular saw
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An open letter to Sir Paul McCartney
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Black Air force veteran buys the biggest house in the Virginia town where he grew up, a large Antebellum mansion, to host big family parties, discovers his ancestors used to "work" there....for free
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| Sun May 15, 2022 |
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A seven-year old article that is wrong only insofar as it was just about school shootings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Stream link for tonight's lunar eclipse. Partial eclipse begins 10:27pm ET ( 7:27pm PT). Totality 11:29pm - 12:53am ET (8:29pm - 9:53pm PT) Eclipse may be darker than usual due to recent Tonga volcano eruption
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It's time for the Billboard Music Awards, the unwanted stepsister to the Grammy Awards. Sixteen artists are performing, and Sean Diddy P Daddy Puff Combs is hosting, 8PM ET on NBC
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Grandparents stolen from Austin woman's gazing balls. If they are returned safely, a lemon party will be thrown to celebrate
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This former pastry cook tells us how to upgrade store-bought cookie dough. Well it is good as it is in ice cream, for starts
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Your reptile friends may have been on Earth longer than we had previously thought
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Tolkien superfans invited to preview Amazon's new series set in Middle Earth give it rave reviews, which means be wary unless you are fascinated by the taxonomic history of different strains of pipeweed, or the derivation of the elvish word for bread
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness is #1 for a second straight week with $60 million, The Bad Guys #2 with $6.8 million. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is #3 with $4.25 million as Firestarter extinguishes itself at #4 with $3.57 million
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Article: You are edging your garden beds wrong. Subby: Nope I'm not edging them at all
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| (The City of Oaks) |
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Sunday evening, Raleigh and Charlotte area FARKers can enjoy a lunar eclipse. In other parts of the Carolinas, FARKers can show off their superhuman control of the skies
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History moves once more: Can YOH score an upset over the Bone Soldier? Will Hiromu march toward a 3-peat? Why did Wheeler Yuta get stuck with an all-YL team? BEST OF THE SUPER Jr. 29: DAY 1 starts @ 4 AM ET on NJPWWorld.com, the King of Sports
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Name of new Oklahoma quarterback or low-budget porn flick?
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| Sat May 14, 2022 |
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Headline: "Tech pioneer warns of alien invasion". Article: Researchers try to develop artifical general intelligence
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It's the penultimate show of the 47th season. Will a hint of departures emerge tonight? Will this be Che and Jost's Update swan song? Will Kate McKinnon and Cecily Strong shine? Selena Gomez hosts, Post Malone musics. SNL, 11:30PM ET on NBC
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US Treasury Department opens investigation into Texas misuse of COVID relief funds on "patrolling" the border, building border barriers, arresting migrants, and other Useless Theater productions
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Bans Off Our Bodies protests off to a huge start
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When Mad Max is starting, only Mad Max throws the first pitch
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Enjoy one of the great racetracks in the world, Mt Panorama. This is the 12 hours of Bathurst starting in the dark. Hopefully the Kangaroos stay off the track. Live now on youtube
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Thanks for playing, and please enjoy this lovely parting gift
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The Kentucky Turtle leads a delegation of Senators breaking ranks with their party's leader, balls his fist up at his junior counterpart
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The month of May at Indianapolis begins with the GMR Grand Prix. Will Power's on the pole while Jimmie Johnson starts in the back. The race is on NBC starting at 3 PM ET
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Florida Woman, fine art, musicians, and Canadian things are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 5-11: Friday the 13th Edition
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Chinese police bravely arrest a 90-year-old man, a pop singer, and several other threats to the Communist party
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Aurora Cannabis loses CAD $1 billion in the last quarter dealing in a substance that any fifteen year old can make money from by peddling it on the street
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Man who went on road trip to start new life ends old one
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| Fri May 13, 2022 |
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C-Span loses its dozens of viewers due to cord cutting
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Art Contest: Animals with hats. Big hats, small hats, stylish hats, and even pancake hats. All media. New or old
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| (Gridiron Guy) |
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Week 5 of the USFL starts off Friday night with the Michigan Panthers and the Tampa Bay Bandits. Have you picked a favorite team for the USFL revival yet? Kickoff is at 8:00 PM ET on the USA Network
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What was the class song voted in when you graduated high school? for me it was Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd which was not entirely why I dropped out but it was part of it
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Fartgate
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Farker just started watching Star Trek DS9. Which episodes should I skip? Already know enough to bypass Move Along Home and ration Garak episodes so they last longer
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I didn't have change for cab fare I lost my tux at the cleaners I locked my keys in the car An old friend came in from out of town Someone stole my car There was an earthquake A terrible flood Locusts IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD
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On this day in history, in 1568, Mary Queen of Scots was defeated by a confederacy of Scottish Protestants under James Stewart and his invisible, 6 ft 3 1/2 inch tall white rabbit named Harvey
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It's another Freaky Figure Four Friday: First on Rampage, Ruby vs Riho & Sky vs Kaz for the TNT title. Then on Smackdown, Kofi vs Butch, Nattie & Shayna vs the Boss & Glow for their tag belts. It all starts at 5:30 PM ET on TNT, then 8 PM ET on FOX
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The Democratic Party needs new, younger leadership before it's too late
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Sometimes a bowl is what it is cracked up to be
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No word on whether the recipient in this video will be accepting their invitation to Hogwarts
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First war crimes trial for a Russian in Ukraine is about to start. Two more are scheduled
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Large asteroid expected to come close to Earth this weekend. Scientists say the size is comparable to two football pitches, a tall skyscraper or your mom
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U.S. warns of discrimination in using artificial intelligence to screen job candidates. So blame HAL 9000, not the fact that you're 59 and asking for a salary that's not a 50% pay cut
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PitchCom, a device designed at catching MLB's would-be sign stealers, is slowly stealing the hearts of people who were skeptical that it would do the job
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GOES-18 takes its first full images of Earth and other goodies. Images seem to show that the Earth is round -- or at least that is what Big Weather wants you to believe for Reasons™
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you learn a favorite brand is the largest funder of a nutjob's primary campaign, but they're in the party you dislike and in another state... you buy even more, right?
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Because they continue to prove they're smarter than men?
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Putin's WWII speed run continues on schedule as Russia starts forcedly relocating Ukrainians to 'filtration camps' for 'processing'
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Pennsylvania might end up with a Senate candidate with a history of decrying systemic racism in the US and who started a petition to erect an Obama statue in DC. And then there will be a Democratic nominee running against them
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| Thu May 12, 2022 |
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Space Force building test complex that will be impossible to attack due to being partly in space, partly virtual, partly digital, and partly all over the place
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It's not every year you see a PDS(Particularly Dangerous Situation) Severe Thunderstorm Watch. Derecho just blew through Sioux Falls, SD with 100+ mph winds
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We know a few of the matchups, but we get to see the entire 2022 schedule for the NFL. Which games are you most forward to seeing? It's your NFL schedule release thread. The fun starts at 8:00 PM ET on on the NFL Network, NFL.com and the NFL app
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The pro-life party would very much like you to let those babies starve, unless they're proper 'murican
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Ezra Miller says their assaults are actually "NFTs for art" in just released bodycam footage of one of their arrests
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Ron Weasley must have perfected the "Expando Walletto" spell at Hogwarts
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Rand Paul single-handedly blocks Ukraine aid despite pleas from both party leaders because inflation or something
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While the West argues about how much support to give, Ukraine is rewriting the doctrines of artillery warfare and laying waste to Russian forces. This is not a repeat
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Joe Biden's administration cancels the oil and gas lease sale in Alaska, partly to help the beluga whales. Because we need to save the whales to trade them for fabulous prizes
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Sound, The Psychedelic Furs, Divinyls, and more. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #342. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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| (Defector) |
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Axios, 2020: We encourage all employees to protest in honor of George Floyd. Axois, 2022: Don't protest the abortion stuff, it's too political. Bonus: Memo written in same style as their "articles"
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Dubai Airport sees busiest quarter in two years, still not as crowded or hot as Atlanta
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Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, salad spin it, air fry it. There's ranch shrimp, mayo shrimp, 90's martini shrimp, pickled shrimp. That- that's about it
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On Tuesday afternoon the temperature dropped 30 degrees in 10 minutes in Traverse City, while subby fetches his sweater, here's an article with the science
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Today's Slatesplanation: Everything you need to know about what the hell's happening to Bitcoin. TL;DR: It's a scam, stupid, and it's falling apart
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Right about now, all those people who thought Bitcoin was the future are starting to question their faith in Sparkle Motion
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| (Melbourne) |
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10 foot 8 bridge has a counterpart Down Under
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Sources report that the Ukrainian counter-offensive has broken the siege of Kharkiv and forced Russian troops and artillery to retreat to defensive positions, which is exposing the entire flank of the Russian southern offensive
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Having a big mama can break your heart. No, literally
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Grizzlies dance crew gets all up in Steph Curry's grill during 4th quarter time out, Draymond Green places defense
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Earth's richest human praises the Chinese and says Americans are 'trying to avoid' work. Okay we get it. So far no one wants the job being your personal ball washer
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You're never going to believe this, but in a sport where the unwilling participants are abused and killed regularly, the winning jockey in the Kentucky Derby has been suspended
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Thinking about buying a jet, but worried about fuel costs? Just start eating lots of French fries
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Batter up, we're looking at the best sports games released in Nintendo history. Mario Kart counts, right?
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Everything TFG touches dies; part 637 and counting
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| Wed May 11, 2022 |
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You accidentally started a forest fire with a lit road flare because you were tying to frighten off some BUGS with it, and you are the Fire Chief as well? Are you from Florida by any chance? Akita Prefecture? Well, we have a tag for you anyways
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Scientists say the ocean is losing its memory, could start wandering into random houses and driving through farmer's markets
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Why does earth have so much Helium-3? Let me take a hit from this balloon before I answer. [silly voice]: I don't know, but nuclear fusion power is now only a few decades away
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Will Jungle Boy become AEW's 1st "Double Champion"? Can Dax Harwood outwrestle ADAM COLE, BAY-BAY? Are Jeff Hardy & Darby Allin the reason wrestlers can't get insured? The Owen Hart Cup begins on AEW Dynamite, 8pm ET on TBS, the SuperStation
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Tokyo to recognize same-sex partnerships from November. The other 11 months can suck it
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"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." -The Sign of the Four, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. This is your Fark Writer's Thread, improbable edition
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A high school band director probably shouldn't run a religious cult and try to force kids to astral project in class. But it's OK, his cult partner was a guidance counselor caught sexting a student and oh god it just gets worse
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Do you really need to be concerned about deleting your period tracking app in a post-Roe world? Slate asks the question. Quick summary of the article: 1,600 words, then "meh, you decide"
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Today's 2-hr serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Aztec Camera, Roxy Music, Original Mirrors, and The Dream Syndicate. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #341. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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There's only one group on Earth who can stop Elon Musk: Twitter employees. Welp, we're boned
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Edgy McEdgeLord decides mocking the new Doctor Who's race and sexual orientation is funny. Gets ratioed so hard he deletes the tweet and then complains about haters. Article to the left, whiney edgelords upset about melanin and penises to the right
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Happy birthday Martha Quinn. Somewhere Mojo Nixon is smiling
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The biggest living thing on Earth is being nibbled to death. Subby needs to go check on his mother
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O Romeoville bank, Romeoville bank, wherefore art thou Romeoville bank?
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| Tue May 10, 2022 |
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He who articulated it particulated it, he who pointed the finger pulled the trigger, he who eulogized it aerosolized it
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No Superman & Lois. 2-hour season finale of Naomi. 1ˢᵗ, visions from Earth-29 get her to seek advice, receive a gift, & go on a road trip in Ep.№12 "Ready or Not" at 8 ㏘ EDT Then the Battle w/the Big Bad in Ep.№13 in "Who Am I?" at 9, both on The CW
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On NXT 2.0: Nattie shows Cora how to deal with idolizers. Toxic Attraction faces off with Roxanne & Wendy. Will someone lie, cheat & steal for the win (or just a nap)? How does Nathan fit in at Chase U? Find out starting at 8 PM ET on USA
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Fifth earthquake in 24 hours recorded in South Carolina. Tens of dollars in damages reported
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Ready for Fark Headline: Marcelo dropped from Lyon first team for "farting and laughing" in dressing room
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All our problems started with *shuffles note cards* the decline of Pizza Hut
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Take a bow, Rep. Victoria Spartz, you are officially the Worst Boss on Capitol Hill according to a poll by staffers. And keep in mind, this Congress also contains MTG, Lauren Boebert, Madison Cawthorn, Louie Gohmert, Matt Gaetz, etc etc
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| (Some Guy) |
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You were not put on this Earth to get it, Mr Burton, but James Hong was put on this Earth to get a star on the Walk of Fame
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Citeh signs Erling Haaland next season. Still will not win Champions League when Pep starts him at left back because reasons
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Particle physics is in crisis, but not for the reason you think. The new-and-improved LHC can help
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Today's 2-hr serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Gary Numan, The Dream Academy, and Joy Division. No not those songs. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #340. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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WFAN sports shock jock and ex-con Craig Carton lands morning talk show on FS1, alongside his current role as "responsible gaming ambassador" for FanDuel. Shocked
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Russia's guided missiles are okay at the missile part, but absolutely suck at the "guided" part
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What if - and hear subby out - what if Bob and Doug McKenzie were smart?
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Marty won't be doing his dance quintet...you know, his cycle...tonight at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre
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Jack Daniel's has released possibly its best whiskey ever, and it costs you only $30 - but don't worry it still tastes like liquid charcoal starter
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Tesla stops production in Shanghai due to missing parts. Looks like duct tape and bark are back on the automotive menu, boys
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The Pittsburgh Pirates just got their first win of the season from a starter
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$195 million winning bid set for Andy Warhol "Marilyn" portrait, made as part of his commentary on the crass mass-production and hollow values of capitalism
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This article wasn't about what I thought it would be about
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| Mon May 09, 2022 |
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Study says frequent marijuana use may result in heart disease. 89yr old Willie Nelson, 50yr old Snoop Dogg: "Hold our beer.....errrr....hold our joint"
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The "least racist person in the world" wanted to shut down all of the US embassies in a particular continent for some unknown reason
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It will take a long time for Ukraine to become officially a part of the EU, which will give them time to consider if they really want to join a band that hasn't had a hit since "Da Butt" from the soundtrack to Spike Lee's 1988 film "School Daze"
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Tonight on WWE RAW: It's the fallout from Backlash. What does the Empress of Tomorrow have in store for Big Time Becks? Who will step up to challenge Bianca for the RAW Women's title? Will Dana & Reggie divorce? Find out starting at 8 PM ET on USA
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If writing an article about plagiarism, it might be best not to plagiarize a site about plagiarism
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Today in internet Mad Libs: "Dolly Parton", "TikTok", "Taco Bell"
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Calling all Fark Artists, Hobbyists, Crafters, and other creatives This is your weekly Fark Arting Thread. Share your work, inspirations, and feedback
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Other than "Duke sucks," truer words are rarely spoken 'round these parts. 'obvious' tag off for a nice afternoon nap
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Guy running for governor is accused of sexual harassment. Current governor of the same party says he's "not qualified" and nobody should vote for him. But he's got this one weird trick to win the primary
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♫♪♪ See the man with the stage fright / Just standin' up there to give it all his might. /And he got caught in the spotlight, / But when we get to the end, / He wants to start all over again ♫♪♪
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So does this also include those cartoons where Bugs Bunny wears a dress?
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George RR Martin doesn't want to admit he can't end Game of Thrones better than HBO
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Hello, Central Casting? What can you dig up in the "Evil Assistant to Thin-Skinned Zillionaire" department?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guilty Pleasures: Release YOUR inner trash panda and party like CLAIRE. What foods are you embarrassed to even like? (LGT a passion of the claire). This is your Monday food tab discussion
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| (Some Guy) |
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*pfffft* *pfffffffttttttt* *PFfffffffffffttttttt* Yes. Yes, I have
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Skynet gets its start in almond orchards
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Bartenders: we're here to help
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| Fri May 06, 2022 |
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Drinking certain types of tea may cut your risk of dementia, heart disease and cancer. Sweet
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The Kentucky Derby's tomorrow, so here's an article about what to do with something called "leftover bourbon"
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The latest thing found in the waters of Lake Mead? Cocaine. Plus meth, THC, codeine, and caffeine just to start. Shoot, sounds like a fella had a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff
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Twenty years after its unlikely rise into the zeitgeist, PBR remains in list of Top 20 beers in America. And in your fridge. And in your heart
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Proving the metaverse is just like the real world: Getting involved in a yacht club ends up being a good way to lose money, even just paying for gas
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The final verdict on crop circles: great public art
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Figure Four Friday gets an early bird special due to Johnny Sex Cup: First on Rampage, Lethal vs Takeshiata, HOOK vs Drake. Then on Smackdown, Kofi & Xavier vs Ridge & Sheamus in a tables match. It all starts at 5:30 PM ET on TNT, then 8 PM ET on FOX
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Fat Leonard's alcohol and sex-fueled parties - Naval legal testimony, or best party-band name ever?
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It's taken a couple of decades, but Russia has finally hit the "Find Out" part of information hacking
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Subby prefers artisanal imported infants
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Old and busted: seniors fighting with canes. New hotness: seniors riding golf carts shooting at each other
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In his first public appearance since the leak, John Roberts stresses that "one bad apple" would not change "people's perception" of SCOTUS, mainly because most people had already long seen it as a completely illegitimate, partisan institution
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More fun than pondering what's behind Shy Guy's mask it's the Friday Fark Gaming Thread. LGT Terraforming Mars free at Epic. What have you been playing this week? Side note: favourite pixel art games? Tell us inside
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Pig virus may have been factor in historic heart transplant patient's death. Howard Stern tried to warn us
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Guy opens state of the art hot dog stand with no drive-through lane -- until a week later
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Would you at least wait till after you've lost to start whining about "voter fraud"?
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Michigan mom arrested after her kindergartener took 4 gummies to school and shared with classmates. The teacher became suspicious when the kids started to listen to Pink Floyd "Dark Side Of the Moon", saying they needed to just kinda chill, brah
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Royal Canadian Mint offers rare Argyle Pink Diamond coin. Meh, it's no Loonie
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| Thu May 05, 2022 |
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New art exhibit projects Van Gogh's paintings onto the walls and floors so visitors can "step inside" the mind of the artist. Looks kind of ear-ie
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Garbology: the art of spotting patterns in people's waste. If it rattles like a bottle factory over the New Madrid fault line, you've found yourself a Farker
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| (Some Ph.D) |
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NFL scout says the quiet part out loud
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Wisconsin relying on 1849 law to ban abortion. No word on how soon slavery will be legal or when they'll start deporting the Irish
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Look, "scientists" let's not start cetacean kink-shaming okay? Love is love
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Middle school art teacher fired after identifying herself as pansexual, allowing students "to draw any type of flag they chose ... expressing who they are." Apparently no student drew Confederate flags
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Patrick Stewart says he has regrets about Season 2 of Picard. So everything after the start of episode 3?
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from OMD, Eurythmics, Love & Rockets, and +++CARRIER LOST+++. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #339. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Tupperware stock downgraded as the freshness burp turns into a stale fart
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These 11 songs are actually quite racist. I suggest you take caution as you read the article right here, right now
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Today's non-partisan, honestly objective take from CNN: The economy is doomed. DOOMED. AMERICANS ARE ABOUT TO GIVE UP. BIDEN HAS FAILED. FLEE. FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES FOR THERE IS NO HOPE
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Final Dr. Strange trailer and bah gawd King, is that Captain Carter's shield I see
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It all started with a Big Bang, and may end with a Big Shrink surprisingly sooner than you think
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Carolina math: Farts, rotten eggs, and black panthers = Dead prankster girlfriend
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Here's another first for TB12. This year, Tom Brady will become the first quarterback to start in four different countries
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A very thorough history of fountain-statues of little boy angels peeing. Yes they were pissers for purity
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| Wed May 04, 2022 |
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Kevin McQarthy thought the 25th Amendment was too slow. News tag has expired
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Will Bobby Fish or Jeff Harvey advance to the Owen Hart Cup tourny? Can TBS Champ Jade Cargill fend off "The Baddies"? Who will be crowned Undisputed ROH Women's Champion? AEW Dynamite starts @ 8pm EDT on TBS, the SuperStation
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Well, he's not Bill Murray giving everyone tequila, but Rod Stewart isn't that bad as a spare bartender
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"Fast X" director Justin Lin abruptly departed from directing the film because Vin Diesel is an asshole
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STEM edged out Entertainment in Category. Cool edged out Creepy & Scary in Topic. Mrs. Subby joked about an AI writing a country song. Subby said, "I bet it's already happened." Garth Brooks it ain't, but behold the wonder of You Can't Take My Door
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Lightning Seeds, Nick Cave, Julian Cope, and more. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #338. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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"I watched as the Sheep broke the sixth seal, and there was a great earthquake. The sun became as dark as black cloth, and the moon became as red as blood." Okay, who's the idiot who woke up the Sheeple?
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It's possible that there was no life on Mars... until Earth contaminated it
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Inductees into 2022 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame include Eminem, Duran Duran, Dolly Parton, Lionel Richie and Carly Simon among others. Line for why your person should have gotten in and how they screwed it up again forms to the right
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NASA is planning on bringing rocks from Mars back to Earth, but what if there are little Martians living on those rocks? Could they form a little army with little ray guns and conquer a tiny little empire? We need top men on this. TOP men
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"My partner's employer is trying to force us to move to Gilead. We don't want to because of the oppressive regime. Their solution is to fly anyone who needs an abortion out of state. Wat do?" (#2 at the link)
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Student claims he can prove paradox-free time travel is possible. Subby hopes he finally traveled far enough in time to submit this article without causing major havoc
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| Tue May 03, 2022 |
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It's DC super-teen troubles night on The CW. First, Superman & Lois S.№2 Ep.№11 "Truth and Consequences" pits Bizarro Jon-El vs. his Earth-prime counterpart Jonathan and Jordan at 8 ㏘ EDT. Then, Naomi faces the "Worst Prom Ever" on Ep.№11 at 9
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A note of optimism in these challenging times: smart people with world-changing ideas
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Tonight NXT is Spring Breakin': Bron defends his NXT title vs Gacy. Grimes, Hayes & Solo fight over the N.A. title. Nathan Frazier attempts to photobomb Waller. The Creed Bros face the Viking Raiders. All this and more starting at 8 PM ET on USA
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Johnny Sex Cup Playoffs: Day 2. New York Margot Robbies v. Boston Penguins, Putin's Shill v. Pretty Kitties, Perds v. Nordiques, & Canada's Texas v. America's Texas. Game on @ 7pm ET, goonjuice consumption starting far earlier. Ferme la bouche, Bucci
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More HoF-quality coaching from Doc Rivers who responded with "We're gonna keep starting him whether you like it or not" when questioned about DeAndre Jordan posting a -22 in the Sixers loss
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I don't want to go on the cart
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"Was that an earthquake?" "Nope, just Garth Brooks fans"
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The Merriam-Webster word of the day for May 3 is 'Schmooze' as in: "When the legendary American cartoonist Al Capp wanted to create a satire lampooning greed and corruption, he invented the Schmooze"
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Despite the loss of $24 billion due Russia, BP is happy to announce that their profits still more than doubled in the first-quarter. Meanwhile don't forget to bring a $50 bill for executives to light their cigars when you fill up your tank later
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You've stepped on it now, Putin. Rich Ukrainians have started to sue Russia for damage to their assets
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Your mountain of student debt is not only soul-crushing, it can be heart-breaking
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Gang Of Four, Danielle Dax, The Lords Of The New Church, and more. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #337. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Calling all Fark Artists, Hobbyists, and Crafters: This is Your Weekly Fark Arting Thread. Share your work here
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Here's where things stand in the Denver Broncos sale process now that Homer Simpson's no longer part of the negotiations
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The most important thing about the SCOTUS leak is that it proves you all were wrong about the court caring to protect its legitimacy as a non-partisan institution, and I was right. So, win for me
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Someone who's actually smart, likable, and funny tops list of potential replacements for James Corden on 'Late Late Show'
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"Rasmussen Reports is a nonpartisan electronic media company specializing in the collection, publication and distribution of public opinion polling information"
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Scientists have made a big discovery about the Earth's crust. Just wait until they get to the crust on Uranus
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Senator Manchin (R-WV) angry that his chosen political party would throw his state under the bus
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2 charged with attempted murder in shooting of Minneapolis Police Department forensic scientist. Fine police work, right from the start
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Do you want that $25 cartoon ape? You gotta fork over over $3k in Ethereum fees. I will also be selling the naming rights to the stars and planets
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| Mon May 02, 2022 |
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Tony Shalhoub puts obsessively neat NYC apartment up for sale
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DeAndre Hopkins suspended six games for violating PED policy. He should have been less public about flipping up the cartoon character's head to dispense the tiny little PED candies
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Tonight on RAW: The Bloodline returns ahead of their big 6 person tag match vs Drew & RK-Bro at Backlash. Meanwhile, K.O. still doesn't want to "Speak with Zeke", though he probably should. Liv seeks revenge on Rhea. It all starts at 8 PM ET on USA
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You probably read this article somewhere else
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The other two series in the Second Round of the NBA Playoffs start Monday, with the Sixers taking on the Heat at 7:30 PM ET, then at 10:00 PM it is the Mavericks and the Suns. Both games are on TNT
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On this day in history, in 1957, Senator Joseph McCarthy, the chief architect of the 'Red Scare,' died as a result of communism. Also cirrhosis and despair, but he'd like you believe that Communists were behind that, too
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The unbelievable part is (a) Dungeon Master has been continuously running a D&D campaign since 1982, (b) he owns collection of 30,000 miniatures he's hand-painted, (c) he somehow has a daughter
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You know the old cliché where a teenager is punished for sneaking a cigarette by being forced to smoke the entire carton? Well it's probably best not to try that with whiskey and a four year old. Ain't that right, Grandma? (possible nsfw content on page)
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The 'Lungs of the Mediterranean' are baking. This is not part of a healthy diet
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Life imitates art, but not in a funny way. Raising Arizona edition
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"A darts enthusiast, MacDonald taught himself how to tuck darts into the gap between his penis and arm, and learned to be careful in public after nearly hitting a woman in the face with it at the supermarket"
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"That was the end of him and Trump. It was much better for him to have a clean break and just stop messing with the guy. You start engaging with Trump, it becomes a mud bath between you and him"
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Dearth of drivers does Domino's doubling down on de-emphasizing delivery
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Plastered party pilot pushes pedal-pub past peril point, passengers petrified. Police probing predicament ponder potential PUI proceedings
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Guest who must also be an art critic gives their opinion of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride
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| Sun May 01, 2022 |
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One person killed, three are hurt from a shooting incident at a Clinton party
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People are finally starting to realize teachers don't make enough money
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"I'm not really here to roast the GOP. That's not my style. Besides, there's nothing I can say about the GOP that Kevin McCarthy hasn't already put on tape." 🎤⬇
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Two new series start on Sunday. At 1:00 PM ET on ABC the Bucks take on the Celtics in a battle of green teams. At 3:30 PM also on ABC the Warriors take on the Grizzlies. Two exciting series happening on the same day. Let's get it on
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Nearly 50 years ago, some kids in the Bronx started a new music trend combining Black, Latino, and Caribbean styles and ended up creating a worldwide sensation. This week the Sunday Morning Music Club celebrates Hip Hop
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Oktoberfest is back this year so start preparing your livers
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"Mr. Carlson has constructed what may be the most racist show in the history of cable news - and also, by some measures, the most successful," Times reporter Nick Confessore writes in the three-part report published Saturday. He's right, you know
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Will Tetsuya Naito fulfull his "Destino"? Can Tanahashi save the U.S. title from a "Stone Pitbull"? Who will be Takagi & BUSHI's mystery partner? WRESTLING DONTAKU 2022 starts @ 4:00 AM EDT on NJPWWorld.com, the King of Sports
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| Sat April 30, 2022 |
| (Some Guy) |
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FARKers of a certain age (and Garth Algar) have been waiting almost 40 years for this news
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The Noise Factor finale is tonight at 10:30PM ET. The only fitting way to end the show is to wreck absolutely everything in sight. Metal Show Part 5 has Sepultura, Meshuggah, Gojira, Whitechapel, Cannibal Corpse, and more. We spare no one
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Oslo says there's Norway that collaboration with Moscow on Artic issues can continue as usual
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Start with 2 million?
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Welp, looks like it's time to start putting some dolphin sanctions into place. Damn traitor porpoises
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Texas tells investment groups that if they start acting responsibly, there'll be hell to pay
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It's NHL Playoff time for the hockey fans starting Monday and that means its also Bracket Challenge™ time. As always short window to sign up - ends before 1st pucks Monday, so get on it hockey fans and LETS DO THAT BRACKET CHALLENGE
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Les Claypool of Primus, Eugene Hütz of Gogol Bordello, Sean Lennon, Stewart Copeland of The Police, and friends have a cute little song about Zelenskyy
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| Fri April 29, 2022 |
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Who has the right to Nazi-looted art? I'm sorry, I meant Russian looted art from Mariupol museums
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Republicans need to run someone who is just like Trump but isn't Trump to finish what Trump started
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It's Figure Four Friday: First on Smackdown, Drew gets Sami where he can't run away, in a steel cage. Then on Rampage: Keith Lee yeets Colton Gunn, Joe vs Trent and HOOK faces off with Danhausen. It all starts at 8 PM ET on Fox, then 10 PM on TNT
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White House Correspondent's Dinner; where you need to play nice with seditionists in the spirit of nonpartisanism while knowing Right Wing Media is going to be claiming this proves the Media is in a conspiracy to protect Democrats
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Into ink and surrealism? Have we got a tattooist for you
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The chainsaw carvers rendezvous week is here and... Hey. Is that a Bear? With a saddle on its back??
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Deutsche Bank HQ raided as part of an ongoing money laundering investigation. TFG to start shiatting bricks in 4....3...2
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Comic Book legend Neal Adams has passed away, finally gets to see if Expanding Earth Theory is correct
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Her heart will go on, but her muscle spasms stopped Celine Dion's European Tour again
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Elon Musk declares war on the Democratic Party
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First, they were used for pregnancy tests and later they became pets. Now, the African horned frog, one of the worst invasive species on Earth, is eating its way through western Washington
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Joe Manchin is the Morrissey of the democratic party
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"Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has just informed us that we will soon be starting our descent into Las Vegas. At this time I'll ask you to return your tray tables and any newly-married brides to their original upright position"
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| Thu April 28, 2022 |
| (Popular Info) |
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Hate the idea of living in a regressive new Dark Age? Too bad -- the moneypigs at WalMart, Anthem, Eli Lilly, and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce are going to buy one for you anyway
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Huawei sales drop like a 3rd party prepaid cell call
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Woolworths completes SAP cloud migration to Microsoft Azure, successfully transferring 20 applications. In other news, K-mart has standardized on your mom's token-ring network and 20MB hard drive running dBase
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She may have stolen riding lawnmower, attached cart filled with ill-gotten good, but she really pissed folks off stealing their Crimson Tide yard sign
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Made-to-fade tattoos offer recurring revenue for ink artists, recurring bad choices for Mr. Cool Ice
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Headline: Florida Sinkhole Growing For 4 Months Swallowing Up Everything in its Path. Article: Residents in Toco Hills, Georgia, say the monster hole has been growing since December. Photo: A giant sinkhole threatens a house in Zacatepec, Mexico
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Armstrong, IA has 875 residents and over 100 criminal charges against public officials. Stalking, embezzling, tampering, sextortion, falsifying documents, theft from FD, using Taser on party guests, perjury, obstructing prosecution, long headlines
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Remember, when engaging in hero worship and having influencer aspirations, brandishing guns and beatings are part of the sausage
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The National Weather Service has issued a tornado watch for rock bottom deals on scratch and dent Corvette parts
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The hosts proving to little girls everywhere that if you keep asking "What's going to keep me in power?" that someday they too can represent "fark you I got mine" in the aging, out-of-touch political party of their choosing
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Reagan's would-be assassin starting music tour this summer. No word yet if Dead Kennedys will be opening for him
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Hold on to your martini glass: 90s Week continues with a pasta sauce
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Rend your garments for James Bama, the artist who gave us many early Doc Savage paperback covers
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Kevin McCarthy after the NYT released tapes saying he'd asked Trump to resign: Fake News, it was taken out of context, the Times is the DEVIL. GOP reps: bring it in bro, we got you, . *NYTimes releases another tapes where he attacks fellow GOP reps*
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Fall, Icehouse, Skids & more. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Andrew Garfield is taking a break from acting. Subby wonders when he started
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FOX : "Did you lie?" McCarthy: "Whatabout, uh, the border?" FOX: "Follow up question: did you lie?"
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'merikah - back in the before times circa the 70s & 80s. Keep the dream alive, y'all
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Having some semblance of a life, taking care of your children and not dumping carbon into the air on your commute are killing the company bubble wrapping frisbees initiative. So get back into work and start kissing some ass. Middle managers need it
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Russian state TV tells viewers to be ready to die when the missiles start flying
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Today's scum of the earth: Process servers
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Rocket Mortgage crashing back to Earth as housing rolls over, announcing massive layoffs
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Article: "you're brown-bagging it wrong." Narrator: you're not
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Meet Putin's Rasputin. Bonus shaky article foundation: "there is no evidence that the two men have actually met"
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| (Some Loner) |
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Welcome to Point Nemo, the remotest place on Earth. Your closest neighbors are the International Space Station's crew, Easter Island is the nearest land, and the water below is home to very few fish, a spacecraft graveyard, and eldritch god Cthulhu
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| Wed April 27, 2022 |
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Disney announcers Avatar: The Way of Water, to be followed by the Book of Earth and Book of Fire before finally defeating Fire Lord Ozai
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Good news: The public congressional hearings into the Jan 6 2021 riot that were supposed to start in late February or March 2022 but got moved to April and then rescheduled to May are all ready to go for June primetime
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Will Dax Harwood or Cash Wheeler advance to the Owen Hart Cup tournament? Can Scorpio Sky regain the TNT title from a perverted Spanish God? Who will win a Philly Street Fight: Serena or Shiba? AEW Dynamite starts @ 8pm EDT on TBS, the SuperStation
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The party that once said that government shouldn't get between you and your doctor is about to force doctors to promote ivermectin for COVID-19
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Impromptu Fark Art Contest theme: Monkeys. All media types. New or old. Difficulty: No apes or chimps
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| (Some Guy) |
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World Tapir Day, celebrated annually on April 27, was started by conservationists in 2008 to raise awareness of the endangered species. Tapir or not to Tapir
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Everyone wants that hot, young quarterback, but they don't win Super Bowls
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The answer to all of Twitter's problems: Relocate its San Francisco headquarters to West Virginia
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In related news, Rand Paul to start backpedaling and claim Dr. Fauci is an expert and what he says about Covid-19 should be trusted
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Tucker Carlson concerning Kevin McCarthy: "[W]e will have a Republican Congress led by a puppet of the Democratic Party"
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Stand on your head if you didn't see this one coming: GOP'ers starting to claim the French Presidential election was stolen
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I need to make an NFT of this piece of art
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Concrete Blonde, March Violets, and Transvision Vamp. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Asteroid threatens Earth for describing its size in Empire State Building units
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