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Fark NotNewsletter: It's harder than it looks 👀
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-05-27 11:48:34 AM (67 comments) | Permalink
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1436 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2020 at 11:21 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hope everyone's Memorial Day weekend went well.  I spent most of it sitting in my driveway drinking beer.  Some friends joined, appropriately socially distanced.  So not much changed on my end this year.  

A few notes of interesting things happening today:

On this week's Fark And Schnitt podcast, Todd recounts his Cannonball Run from NYC to Tampa in a U-Haul, and I get to explain how when Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear says he's not afraid of the Flu Klux Klan, it's because he's got the literal firepower to back it up.

At 3 p.m. Eastern today, Dallan and I will be doing the Fark Livestream News Summary, come check it out!  Lots of stuff worth talking about in the news this week.

At 4:30 p.m., we have the first U.S.-based rocket launch in a decade - keep an eye out for a live thread on that.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

If you've noticed that the Fark NotNewsletter has been going out on Wednesdays instead of Tuesdays lately, it's not your imagination. It's not my imagination, either. Both the NotNewsletter and the Fark and Schnitt podcast have officially moved to Wednesday releases for the foreseeable future. The NotNewsletter will still cover Sunday morning (7ish) through Sunday morning (7ish), so that part hasn't changed. I don't mind having the extra time to put this whole thing together, because, as with many things in life, it's harder than it looks.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Moderator had to lay down the law when Farkers started getting too excited
Devolving_Spud devolved a band name
dothemath outweirded a spunk snorter
Krieghund reacted to news of hazing involving alcohol and nudity at the University of Kentucky
Naido figured out what a TV cameraman who didn't realize his conversation was livestreaming was talking about
Marcus Aurelius thought that God had a whole new punishment in store for those who won't keep from spreading COVID-19
Snapper Carr could see why a cameraman had such a potty mouth
Diogenes knew why an underdressed nurse was disciplined at work
elvisaintdead remembered something about bears being Catholic
JerseyTim shared the final photo of an unfortunate man
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That answered a question about an article that could possibly bring new visitors to Fark

Smart:
Pocket Ninja thought about the purpose of sex offender registries
koder made a recommendation that may or may not involve sunning your perineum
Magorn had a theory on how a man and his mother ended up being victims of police brutality
GardenWeasel might have figured out why some older generations were so picky about the cleanliness of their homes
SMB2811 read through to an article's source and explained one way in which some delivery companies screw over businesses
lolmao500 took counterpoint on a health tip
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha implored a fellow Farker to consider goose physics
WalkingCarpet has quite the night planned
rebelyell2006 found the most generous way to describe what the three men who killed Ahmaud Arbery had planned
Albert911emt urged us to make assumptions

CSB Sunday Morning: Green thumb stories
Smart:
buckwebb started a garden as doubtful neighbors looked on
Funny: jimjays' mom was very proud of her child's green thumb
Funny honorable mention (it also came in first a year ago): davidphogan helped a dog who had learned a painful lesson

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: weddingsinger gave an update after Mrs. Weddingsinger had open heart surgery
Smart: Badafuco let everyone know that that the kitty was back home after surgery
Funny: generalDisdain had a name for Skittles' all-white "pride packs"
Smart: Badafuco shared a photo of Miss Maci in her cone of shame
Funny: croesius helped Candygram4Mongo solve a puzzle
Funny: We Ate the Necco Wafers had some information for a TotalFarker who claimed to be dating four men at the same time
Funny: Rev.K solved a riddle about a dead parachutist

Politics Funny:
orangehat noticed something about the #youaintblack shirts the Trump 2020 campaign is selling
hobnail felt a little defensive about the #NoFap movement
Psychopusher had a solution for dealing with businesses that have "no masks allowed" signs posted
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat reacted to news of plans to remove and possibly euthanize 220,000 wild horses and burros from public lands
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise had a name for the people behind the anti-fapping movement

Politics Smart:
GardenWeasel figured there's something Democrats cannot do
NeoCortex42 pointed out the severity of the U.S. government's response to 9/11
centrifugal bumblepuppy reminded us what health experts said when the pandemic arrived in the U.S.
derpes_simplex defended Donald Trump against a claim that he's an expert in money laundering
I Ate Shergar gave advice on how to identify a possible radical


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking made an honest spiciness scale for a Mexican restaurant
Yammering_Splat_Vector designed a protective mask that you can wear in your booking photo
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what makes Mighty Mouse so mighty
FarkingIceHole ordered the Paleo diet family meal
hail2daking made the produce angry
opalakea swallowed a coconut
DarkJohnson revealed a shocking reason for the decline in the rhino population
DarkJohnson made a surprisingly subtle switch
opalakea came up with an ingenious way to save money on hamburger buns
Excelsior proved that the more things change, the more they stay the same
DarkJohnson found the reincarnation of Nero

Captions:
From Do as the San Diego Zoo says and caption this angry potato:

bearded clamorer figured out why this potato was so angry
Grumpy Cat knew that this potato was following someone

Fartist Friday: Create a Fark-themed greeting card
gordian immortalized Fark's favorite squirrel

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Recreate an existing movie poster using Photoshop, MSPaint, etc.

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
afghanwhiggle won Farktography Contest No. 785: "And the Band Played On" with a xylophonist at work

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, and we may have figured out why you're supposed to buy mattresses on Memorial Day. The 1000 club gets two socially distant occupants this week, so it's a good thing we installed that second bar. Priapetic took first with 1012, followed by TheMothership in second with 1005 and bingethinker in third with 993. Denjiro made foourth with 951, and Oak rounds out the top five with 949.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over the Walker, Louisiana Police Department's odd call of the week. Only 17% of quiztakers caught the story about a chicken that was harassing people at a local bank's ATM, even going so far as to try to fly into cars. I'm guessing the chicken was protecting her nest egg as she neared retirement. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over Queen guitarist's Brian May and his recent hospitalization. 87% of quiztakers knew he had ripped his butt muscle after a bit of what he called "overenthusiastic gardening". Suuure, Brian, I mean you could have said "Bicycle" accident or maybe partying with some "Fat-Bottomed Girls" or that you found "Somebody to Love" because you "Want it All", but you went with "gardening", Who Wants to Live Forever, anyway?

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was over the Instagram star "Miquela" and her 2.2 million Instagram followers and ridiculous endorsement contracts. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that we really are living in an episode of Black Mirror, as Miquela is a CGI constructed singer and personality designed to appeal to Gen Z'ers. I will not be surprised when her new diss track drops next month bashing Microsoft Tay's racism and calling Alexa and Siri "old and out of touch". 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which reality show star was now engaged for the second time since the death of his wife only eight months ago. 87% of quiztakers knew that Dog the Bounty Hunter had found love yet again. Considering Beth was his fifth wife, I think he's going for some kind of Zsa Zsa Gabor record here. Or maybe he thinks he's Larry King and will soon be doing a webcast from his basement, I dunno. 

If you missed last week's Quiz, you can catch up here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it again this week.
· · ·

67 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-05-27 11:54:09 AM  
That's NOT what she said.
 
2020-05-27 11:57:19 AM  
That's why they have the little blue pill
 
2020-05-27 11:58:39 AM  
penis
 
2020-05-27 12:00:32 PM  
Ok then. How hard is it?
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 12:01:56 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 12:03:42 PM  
Mm-hmm.

I see how it is.
 
2020-05-27 12:04:26 PM  

Petey4335: Ok then. How hard is it?
[Fark user image 425x296]


Yes.
 
2020-05-27 12:11:50 PM  
You'd think I'd be ashamed that I made the the list of top "funnied" comments with a bad pun but I'm not proud.
 
2020-05-27 12:14:21 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 12:15:10 PM  
I made the NotNewsletter!

i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 12:18:33 PM  
I have PhD in Goose Physics

/Night school
 
2020-05-27 12:28:11 PM  

Moderator: I made the NotNewsletter!

[i.pinimg.com image 500x282]


So did I.  I'm so proud of myself.
 
2020-05-27 12:36:51 PM  

orangehat: Moderator: I made the NotNewsletter!

[i.pinimg.com image 500x282]

So did I.  I'm so proud of myself.


i never have. i feel shame
 
2020-05-27 12:42:51 PM  

some_beer_drinker: orangehat: Moderator: I made the NotNewsletter!

[i.pinimg.com image 500x282]

So did I.  I'm so proud of myself.

i never have. i feel shame


Oh yes you have.

1
2
3

Y'all need to read these every week. They're important!
 
2020-05-27 12:46:22 PM  
I made it twice this week! Woo hoo!  Well, credit is given to Maci. She's the true winner in all of this.
 
2020-05-27 12:50:10 PM  
Yes. So much yes.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 12:50:12 PM  
And another shout out to weddingsinger who's wife who had heart surgery.  Hope the recovery is going well.
 
2020-05-27 1:01:47 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: some_beer_drinker: orangehat: Moderator: I made the NotNewsletter!

[i.pinimg.com image 500x282]

So did I.  I'm so proud of myself.

i never have. i feel shame

Oh yes you have.

1
2
3

Y'all need to read these every week. They're important!


That's why I'm so crushed

we did listen
 
2020-05-27 1:12:56 PM  

wademh: That's why I'm so crushed

we did listen


I'm going to be totally honest with you: Around about when allegation after allegation came out against Bill Cosby, I decided I did not want to touch threads about sexual assault accusations and celebrities. There's just no good way to handle them, and it makes me really uncomfortable to rehash the arguments about who's lying and who isn't. No matter how I feel about the people involved. I ran it past Drew a while back and he said it's fine to skip them. It's really nothing against any of the comments, just really something I'd rather not touch with a ten-foot pole. I hope you all understand. If I get feedback letting me know it would be better to include them, I'll reconsider it. I'm open to changing the way I do any part of the NNL, so don't be afraid to (politely and constructively, I hope) bring it up.
 
2020-05-27 1:24:58 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: wademh: That's why I'm so crushed

we did listen

I'm going to be totally honest with you: Around about when allegation after allegation came out against Bill Cosby, I decided I did not want to touch threads about sexual assault accusations and celebrities. There's just no good way to handle them, and it makes me really uncomfortable to rehash the arguments about who's lying and who isn't. No matter how I feel about the people involved. I ran it past Drew a while back and he said it's fine to skip them. It's really nothing against any of the comments, just really something I'd rather not touch with a ten-foot pole. I hope you all understand. If I get feedback letting me know it would be better to include them, I'll reconsider it. I'm open to changing the way I do any part of the NNL, so don't be afraid to (politely and constructively, I hope) bring it up.


I agree with you.
 
2020-05-27 1:33:12 PM  

wademh: I agree with you


Thanks for understanding.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 1:34:05 PM  
Politics Smart:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 1:38:22 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 1:40:37 PM  

wademh: DisseminationMonkey: wademh: That's why I'm so crushed

we did listen

I'm going to be totally honest with you: Around about when allegation after allegation came out against Bill Cosby, I decided I did not want to touch threads about sexual assault accusations and celebrities. There's just no good way to handle them, and it makes me really uncomfortable to rehash the arguments about who's lying and who isn't. No matter how I feel about the people involved. I ran it past Drew a while back and he said it's fine to skip them. It's really nothing against any of the comments, just really something I'd rather not touch with a ten-foot pole. I hope you all understand. If I get feedback letting me know it would be better to include them, I'll reconsider it. I'm open to changing the way I do any part of the NNL, so don't be afraid to (politely and constructively, I hope) bring it up.

I agree with you.


Same here. It's your newsletter, mate. Anyone else can have their own newsletter if they want.
 
2020-05-27 1:42:24 PM  

Frank N Stein: Politics Smart:

[Fark user image 425x239]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 2:07:38 PM  

40 degree day: It's your newsletter, mate. Anyone else can have their own newsletter if they want


Nah, it's all y'all's newsletter.
 
2020-05-27 2:10:24 PM  

edmo: [Fark user image 500x685]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 2:11:13 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: 40 degree day: It's your newsletter, mate. Anyone else can have their own newsletter if they want

Nah, it's all y'all's newsletter.


O_o

MINE!

*tries furiously to greedily snatch newsletter off the internet...to no avail*
 
2020-05-27 2:22:05 PM  
We finally got Modsrators?
 
2020-05-27 2:38:40 PM  
We've definitely had a few US-based rocket launches in the past decade. Hundreds, I'm sure.

Though it is first MANNED one in a while...
 
2020-05-27 2:41:13 PM  

edmo: [Fark user image image 500x685]


🎶Yeaah, bike at the moon!🎵

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 2:49:31 PM  

edmo: [Fark user image image 500x685]


That's just completely unrealistic. How's he supposed to ride that bike when there're no pedals on it?
 
2020-05-27 3:22:23 PM  

Badafuco: edmo: [Fark user image image 500x685]

🎶Yeaah, bike at the moon!🎵

[Fark user image 425x424]


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 3:37:28 PM  

Petey4335: Ok then. How hard is it?
[Fark user image 425x296]


Shouldn't Larry's and Curly's heads be on that chart somewhere?
 
2020-05-27 4:02:21 PM  
Dad and I once drove a U-Haul across country, from Greensboro NC to Los Angeles.

Fargin' thing had a governor on it.  Top speed: 65 mph.  After the repeal of the 55 limit.

It was I-40 all the way.  Between Knoxville and Albuquerque it was the most boring fkg road trip I've ever driven.

And from Albuquerque to Barstow, it was the most terrifying.  Commercial traffic OWNS that stretch of road.  Being stuck in a half-filled panel van moseying along at 55 while triple trailer big rigs run right up on your ass and then pass you, screaming along at 85 makes you wish you hadn't already shiat your brown pants back at Gallup.

(Meteor Crater was cool though... shoulda bought pants there, in retrospect, instead of a purple tie-dye.)

I tried my best to bust that damn Governor on every downgrade, putting it in N and coasting downhill until it'd get up to 70 or so, and then slamming it in D.

It didn't work until the California Grade approaching Needles.  <whine> <CLUNK>  "Woohoo!"

Well, shiat, we were only five hours away from LA by then.

I made it in four.
 
2020-05-27 4:08:58 PM  
Actually, Flagstaff was way nicer than I expected it to be.

A frickin paradise compared to most of Texas and New Mexico.
 
2020-05-27 4:37:06 PM  

Badafuco: And another shout out to weddingsinger who's wife who had heart surgery.  Hope the recovery is going well.


Thank you.  We have just left the hospital and started the six hour drive home

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 4:41:13 PM  

weddingsinger: Badafuco: And another shout out to weddingsinger who's wife who had heart surgery.  Hope the recovery is going well.

Thank you.  We have just left the hospital and started the six hour drive home

[Fark user image 425x318]


Good for you guys!  Big smiles all around.  Great sign.

One of my clients had heart surgery last year, a valve replacement iirc, and after a couple of weeks, he felt so much better than he had in decades that we had to practically hold him down to keep him from tearing something that hadn't fully healed yet.
 
2020-05-27 4:57:59 PM  
i.chzbgr.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 5:00:47 PM  

weddingsinger: Badafuco: And another shout out to weddingsinger who's wife who had heart surgery.  Hope the recovery is going well.

Thank you.  We have just left the hospital and started the six hour drive home

[Fark user image image 425x318]


\o/
 
2020-05-27 5:19:44 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 5:32:29 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 6:23:52 PM  

bughunter: Actually, Flagstaff was way nicer than I expected it to be.

A frickin paradise compared to most of Texas and New Mexico.


Fark user imageView Full Size

I only stayed overnight there, after the Canyon and before I went down Route 66 to stay in Gallup for a night. This was my motel's signboard. And my bed was technically on a bedframe - 2x12's count as a bedframe right?
 
2020-05-27 8:13:59 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 8:23:30 PM  

weddingsinger: Badafuco: And another shout out to weddingsinger who's wife who had heart surgery.  Hope the recovery is going well.

Thank you.  We have just left the hospital and started the six hour drive home

[Fark user image 425x318]


Good to hear. Best luck.
 
2020-05-27 8:24:58 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-27 8:26:44 PM  

weddingsinger: Badafuco: And another shout out to weddingsinger who's wife who had heart surgery.  Hope the recovery is going well.

Thank you.  We have just left the hospital and started the six hour drive home

[Fark user image 425x318]


Woo hoo

And thanks too for the quite impressive cleavage shot ... (looks again ... oh wait...)

/what did you expect, it is Fark after all
//still great news, have a safe trip home
 
2020-05-27 8:30:19 PM  

Petey4335: Ok then. How hard is it?
[Fark user image 425x296]


Hard enough to nail a 6 inch spike through a 2x4
 
2020-05-27 8:30:42 PM  

Moderator: I made the NotNewsletter!

[i.pinimg.com image 500x282] [View Full Size image _x_]


DAMN YOU
 
2020-05-27 8:44:49 PM  
I was so happy to see Moderator get mentioned in the newsletter.
 
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