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Fark NotNewsletter: It's harder than it looks 👀
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-05-27 11:48:34 AM (67 comments) | Permalink
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1436 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2020 at 11:21 AM (6 weeks ago) | | share:
A message from Drew Curtis:
Hope everyone's Memorial Day weekend went well. I spent most of it sitting in my driveway drinking beer. Some friends joined, appropriately socially distanced. So not much changed on my end this year.
A few notes of interesting things happening today:
On this week's Fark And Schnitt podcast, Todd recounts his Cannonball Run from NYC to Tampa in a U-Haul, and I get to explain how when Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear says he's not afraid of the Flu Klux Klan, it's because he's got the literal firepower to back it up.
At 3 p.m. Eastern today, Dallan and I will be doing the Fark Livestream News Summary, come check it out! Lots of stuff worth talking about in the news this week.
At 4:30 p.m., we have the first U.S.-based rocket launch in a decade - keep an eye out for a live thread on that.
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
If you've noticed that the Fark NotNewsletter has been going out on Wednesdays instead of Tuesdays lately, it's not your imagination. It's not my imagination, either. Both the NotNewsletter and the Fark and Schnitt podcast have officially moved to Wednesday releases for the foreseeable future. The NotNewsletter will still cover Sunday morning (7ish) through Sunday morning (7ish), so that part hasn't changed. I don't mind having the extra time to put this whole thing together, because, as with many things in life, it's harder than it looks.
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Moderator had to lay down the law when Farkers started getting too excited
Devolving_Spud devolved a band name
dothemath outweirded a spunk snorter
Krieghund reacted to news of hazing involving alcohol and nudity at the University of Kentucky
Naido figured out what a TV cameraman who didn't realize his conversation was livestreaming was talking about
Marcus Aurelius thought that God had a whole new punishment in store for those who won't keep from spreading COVID-19
Snapper Carr could see why a cameraman had such a potty mouth
Diogenes knew why an underdressed nurse was disciplined at work
elvisaintdead remembered something about bears being Catholic
JerseyTim shared the final photo of an unfortunate man
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That answered a question about an article that could possibly bring new visitors to Fark
Pocket Ninja thought about the purpose of sex offender registries
koder made a recommendation that may or may not involve sunning your perineum
Magorn had a theory on how a man and his mother ended up being victims of police brutality
GardenWeasel might have figured out why some older generations were so picky about the cleanliness of their homes
SMB2811 read through to an article's source and explained one way in which some delivery companies screw over businesses
lolmao500 took counterpoint on a health tip
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha implored a fellow Farker to consider goose physics
WalkingCarpet has quite the night planned
rebelyell2006 found the most generous way to describe what the three men who killed Ahmaud Arbery had planned
Albert911emt urged us to make assumptions
CSB Sunday Morning: Green thumb stories
Smart: buckwebb started a garden as doubtful neighbors looked on
Funny: jimjays' mom was very proud of her child's green thumb
Funny honorable mention (it also came in first a year ago): davidphogan helped a dog who had learned a painful lesson
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Smart: weddingsinger gave an update after Mrs. Weddingsinger had open heart surgery
Smart: Badafuco let everyone know that that the kitty was back home after surgery
Funny: generalDisdain had a name for Skittles' all-white "pride packs"
Smart: Badafuco shared a photo of Miss Maci in her cone of shame
Funny: croesius helped Candygram4Mongo solve a puzzle
Funny: We Ate the Necco Wafers had some information for a TotalFarker who claimed to be dating four men at the same time
Funny: Rev.K solved a riddle about a dead parachutist
orangehat noticed something about the #youaintblack shirts the Trump 2020 campaign is selling
hobnail felt a little defensive about the #NoFap movement
Psychopusher had a solution for dealing with businesses that have "no masks allowed" signs posted
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat reacted to news of plans to remove and possibly euthanize 220,000 wild horses and burros from public lands
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise had a name for the people behind the anti-fapping movement
GardenWeasel figured there's something Democrats cannot do
NeoCortex42 pointed out the severity of the U.S. government's response to 9/11
centrifugal bumblepuppy reminded us what health experts said when the pandemic arrived in the U.S.
derpes_simplex defended Donald Trump against a claim that he's an expert in money laundering
I Ate Shergar gave advice on how to identify a possible radical
Top Contest Entries
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
hail2daking made an honest spiciness scale for a Mexican restaurant
Yammering_Splat_Vector designed a protective mask that you can wear in your booking photo
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what makes Mighty Mouse so mighty
FarkingIceHole ordered the Paleo diet family meal
hail2daking made the produce angry
opalakea swallowed a coconut
DarkJohnson revealed a shocking reason for the decline in the rhino population
DarkJohnson made a surprisingly subtle switch
opalakea came up with an ingenious way to save money on hamburger buns
Excelsior proved that the more things change, the more they stay the same
DarkJohnson found the reincarnation of Nero
From Do as the San Diego Zoo says and caption this angry potato:
bearded clamorer figured out why this potato was so angry
Grumpy Cat knew that this potato was following someone
Fartist Friday: Create a Fark-themed greeting card
gordian immortalized Fark's favorite squirrel
This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Recreate an existing movie poster using Photoshop, MSPaint, etc.
About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.
afghanwhiggle won Farktography Contest No. 785: "And the Band Played On" with a xylophonist at work
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
Another fun time on the Quiz last week, and we may have figured out why you're supposed to buy mattresses on Memorial Day. The 1000 club gets two socially distant occupants this week, so it's a good thing we installed that second bar. Priapetic took first with 1012, followed by TheMothership in second with 1005 and bingethinker in third with 993. Denjiro made foourth with 951, and Oak rounds out the top five with 949.
The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over the Walker, Louisiana Police Department's odd call of the week. Only 17% of quiztakers caught the story about a chicken that was harassing people at a local bank's ATM, even going so far as to try to fly into cars. I'm guessing the chicken was protecting her nest egg as she neared retirement.
The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over Queen guitarist's Brian May and his recent hospitalization. 87% of quiztakers knew he had ripped his butt muscle after a bit of what he called "overenthusiastic gardening". Suuure, Brian, I mean you could have said "Bicycle" accident or maybe partying with some "Fat-Bottomed Girls" or that you found "Somebody to Love" because you "Want it All", but you went with "gardening", Who Wants to Live Forever, anyway?
The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was over the Instagram star "Miquela" and her 2.2 million Instagram followers and ridiculous endorsement contracts. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that we really are living in an episode of Black Mirror, as Miquela is a CGI constructed singer and personality designed to appeal to Gen Z'ers. I will not be surprised when her new diss track drops next month bashing Microsoft Tay's racism and calling Alexa and Siri "old and out of touch".
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which reality show star was now engaged for the second time since the death of his wife only eight months ago. 87% of quiztakers knew that Dog the Bounty Hunter had found love yet again. Considering Beth was his fifth wife, I think he's going for some kind of Zsa Zsa Gabor record here. Or maybe he thinks he's Larry King and will soon be doing a webcast from his basement, I dunno.
If you missed last week's Quiz, you can catch up here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it again this week.
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