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Fark NotNewsletter: OhFark!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-04-22 3:44:42 PM, edited 2020-04-29 2:40:25 PM (305 comments) | Permalink

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2140 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Apr 2020 at 9:31 PM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
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To help us bridge the gap back to times of normal ad revenue, today we're also launching something suggested by Farker Khonshu a couple weeks ago (and others, including someone who sent in a Farkback suggesting something similar as I was literally typing this): a new limited-time pandemic-only OhFark account badge to help us bridge the gap between now and whenever ad revenues recover.  

We're offering three different versions of this limited-time badge that, in a moment of drinking wisdom/ridiculousness, I have based off the Johnnie Walker whiskey bottle color system.  $25 for red, $100 for Green.  And I know this seems like a stretch, but we've actually had people request a $500 option, so we included it as well, which will be blue.  It will appear next to your account name on both desktop and mobile, rendered with different images because of space considerations.  

Here's what they will look like.  Sharp-eyed readers will notice there's a black version - we haven't added this one for purchase, but if anyone can think of a fun stunt or something we could use it for, drop me a line via Farkback.  And if Samuel L Jackson happens to be a Farker, we'd be glad to make you a purple one.  

Desktop version

Fark user image

Mobile version

Fark user image

We'll stop offering these once the pandemic ends, but they'll display next to your login name for forever, or the next 20 years, or however long we keep going.  I'm hoping for forever.  By buying one of these OhFark badges, you'll help us make it to that goal.

On this week's episode of Fark and Schnitt podcast, Drew and Todd get down to the bottom of the nationwide french fry shortage. Plus a deep dive on the Florida Man who told Trump it was OK to drink bleach, and the current media meta on Schrödinger's Kim Jung Un.

On next week's episode, assuming nothing goes wrong, we're interviewing Peter Sagal from "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!"

Also, check out my Fark Daily (*Tuesday - Friday) News Summary, streaming live most days around 7 p.m.  You can find it at either my Twitch channel or Fark's Facebook page.  My friend Dallan handles all the video stuff, and as an added bonus, he has no idea what the stories are going to be before we fire up the stream.   I'll give you a quick summary of what's important, what's under the radar, what's not important... and then things get weird. 
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
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Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
ParallelUniverseParking learned what the kids are calling it these days
vrax revealed the truth about the making of the movie "Cats"
Al Roker's Forecast showed us the person who was the angriest when a skate park was filled with sand to keep skaters from gathering
gilgigamesh felt old when using a "M*A*S*H" reference while texting an assistant
wet drum sandwich knew what you should do if you see a "private" Zoom chat transcript where your coworkers "Natalie" and "Lisa" make fun of your weight
Autoerotic Defenestration showed that the Director-General of the World Health Organization is too old for this shiat
Diogenes told us about another Farker's experience with a story where a news station falsely reported that a dairy had been dumping milk
Pocket Ninja listed ways in which some businesses should be helping the public during social distancing efforts
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen's likeness was copied by a doll company
LewDux found a photo of Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger in a physical altercation

Smart:
UberDave had an idea of how to react when Zoom gives you a transcript of coworkers mocking your weight
elysive had an idea about why fewer people are going to emergency rooms now, aside from the ones who are afraid to
Hey Nurse! works in a hospital and shared a really great story
brantgoose shared personal reasons to avoid hospitals unless absolutely necessary
fragMasterFlash saw reason to believe the idea that nicotine protects people from contracting COVID-19 is ridiculous
Bennie Crabtree saw a benefit to so many people not being able to go to their workplaces
poodebunker described what it's like to work in a Sam's Club right now
pkjun gave some background on an article about how awful the game "Animal Crossing: New Horizons" is
AdmirableSnackbar explained why El Chapo's family is doing so much to help the community during the pandemic
scottydoesntknow noticed how easy it is to understand social distancing

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
Sarah Jessica Farker wore a very awesome and very Fark protective mask

CSB Sunday Morning: Your 15 minutes of fame
Smart:
MaelstromFL saw a side task for the CFO turn into a career changer
Funny: bucket_pup experienced 15 minutes of someone else's fame

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Boondock3806 had to say goodbye to a very good girl
Funny: Shostie mocked Mrs.Sharpier, who turned out to be wrong
Funny: skatedrifter once made a series of bad decisions
Smart: Shostie discussed the idea behind social distancing
Smart: namegoeshere pointed out evidence of the importance of the precautions we've been taking
Funny: JerseyTim was feeling pretty safe and comfortable
Funny: Literally Addicted doesn't care to know every detail about a cousin
Funny: Candygram4Mongo shared a simple recipe for tamales

Politics Funny:
Action Replay Nick sang about the mystery of Kim Jong Un's condition
holdmybones had a special insult for one of the people protesting Colorado's stay-at-home order
Action Replay Nick was displeased with the description of some police equipment
weddingsinger figured out what Donald Trump was referring to when he asked about bringing "[sun]light inside the body"
cretinbob guessed what happened in San Francisco during the 1918 flu pandemic when people objected to an order to wear masks

Politics Smart:
weddingsinger shared information showing that the governor of Georgia telling restaurants to reopen is no favor to many of them
MrBallou thought that a standoff between protesters looked familiar
pkjun discussed Laura Loomer's run for Congress
Driedsponge figured Trump's fellow Republicans could've avoided fallout from Trump's failure to properly handle the pandemic
Sorelian's Ghost decided there's still hope for people who can't read warning labels on disinfectants


Top Contest Entries
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
noazark created a cereal you should never, ever eat even though it looks kind of tasty
hail2daking rebranded a classic breakfast in exactly the wrong way
clovercat at least made it easier to get tested for COVID-19
a particular individual stepped up efforts to revive a familiar Office assistant
DarkJohnson found out what happened to water that used to be on Mars
Yammering_Splat_Vector ruined everyone's Life
noazark discovered a family living in this water tower
Alligator put the corn in cornona. Wait....
DarkJohnson gave the future of law enforcement a more retro appearance
RedZoneTuba did the "Petticoat Junction" water tower thing

Captions:
From Caption this proud hunter with his trophy:

medius knew how this pup felt after destroying his prey
MechaPyx heard all the excuses for this mess
markie_farkie discovered that this pooch had another surprise for his people

Fartist Friday: A Portrait of the F'artiste: Selfie Edition
cowgirl toffee apparently really enjoys showers

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: "There once was a Fark Artist from Nantucket..." Create a social-distancing themed limerick

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays with commenting closed until an hour before they show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
MorningBreath won Farktography Contest No. 781: "You Card" with a message you might get from Stevie Wonder

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.
· · ·

305 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-04-29 2:43:57 PM  
In for $100. I don't know what I'd do without this place.
 
2020-04-29 2:47:23 PM  
Since declining ad revenue is such a recurring theme here, to the point it is determining what content is allowed to be posted.

What are you planning to do to make Fark better, so more people are inclined to come here and pay you, so you don't have to be beholden to ad revenue?
 
2020-04-29 2:48:37 PM  
Good luck with that
 
2020-04-29 2:49:16 PM  

whippersnapper: In for $100. I don't know what I'd do without this place.


Me too.
 
2020-04-29 2:49:56 PM  
I guess Fark needs these stinking badges!
 
2020-04-29 2:50:12 PM  

Keyser_Soze_Death: Since declining ad revenue is such a recurring theme here, to the point it is determining what content is allowed to be posted.

What are you planning to do to make Fark better, so more people are inclined to come here and pay you, so you don't have to be beholden to ad revenue?


i.chzbgr.comView Full Size
 
2020-04-29 2:50:28 PM  

whippersnapper: In for $100. I don't know what I'd do without this place.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-29 2:51:41 PM  

Keyser_Soze_Death: Since declining ad revenue is such a recurring theme here, to the point it is determining what content is allowed to be posted.

What are you planning to do to make Fark better, so more people are inclined to come here and pay you, so you don't have to be beholden to ad revenue?


It sounds like they're shooting for a higher class of poster :)
 
2020-04-29 2:52:10 PM  
In for the cheap seats.
 
2020-04-29 2:54:05 PM  
What's the attractive and smart level priced at?

I've sponsored several for BF... no badge for that. I'll be in for a new OF badge shortly.
 
2020-04-29 2:54:14 PM  
Done :-)
 
2020-04-29 2:54:20 PM  
Cheapass too. Already have Total and Bare, so this just is an addition.
 
2020-04-29 2:55:06 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: whippersnapper: In for $100. I don't know what I'd do without this place.

[Fark user image 437x246] [View Full Size image _x_]


Wait, she is included with a badge purchase?
 
2020-04-29 2:55:35 PM  

GardenWeasel: DisseminationMonkey: whippersnapper: In for $100. I don't know what I'd do without this place.

[Fark user image 437x246] [View Full Size image _x_]

Wait, she is included with a badge purchase?


*waits anxiously by the door*
 
2020-04-29 2:56:29 PM  
Let's see how it looks!
 
2020-04-29 2:58:15 PM  
hmmm, i dislike the red, but not doing $100 so...


YAY
 
2020-04-29 2:58:23 PM  

logieal: What's the attractive and smart level priced at?

I've sponsored several for BF... no badge for that. I'll be in for a new OF badge shortly.


Drew there is an idea... Post-pandemic make OhFark badges an Achievement based on number of *purchased* sponsorships.
 
2020-04-29 3:00:14 PM  
OhFarkMyFark?
 
2020-04-29 3:00:39 PM  
Oh, Fark indeed. You have found another way to prise money from my grubby hands. You bastards....
 
2020-04-29 3:01:11 PM  

HedlessChickn: hmmm, i dislike the red, but not doing $100 so...


It's okay. Us red-green colorblind folk can't tell the difference!
 
2020-04-29 3:02:22 PM  
Hey Drew, how about $1000 to close someone else's account?

\ I keed, I keed.
\\ Maybe.
 
2020-04-29 3:03:04 PM  

Keyser_Soze_Death: What are you planning to do to make Fark better, so more people are inclined to come here and pay you, so you don't have to be beholden to ad revenue?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-29 3:03:46 PM  

I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: HedlessChickn: hmmm, i dislike the red, but not doing $100 so...

It's okay. Us red-green colorblind folk can't tell the difference!


Dude, seriously. I was just noticing that I couldn't tell the 25ers from the 100ers. Colorblindness is fun!
 
2020-04-29 3:03:48 PM  
That line is getting a bit crowded.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-29 3:04:03 PM  
I'd pay $10 a month for an Out The Submitter button.
 
2020-04-29 3:04:17 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-29 3:04:51 PM  

I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: HedlessChickn: hmmm, i dislike the red, but not doing $100 so...

It's okay. Us red-green colorblind folk can't tell the difference!


Haha, it looks like you can't be "favorited" on desktop.
 
2020-04-29 3:05:40 PM  

Loris: In for the cheap seats.


Same!
 
2020-04-29 3:06:08 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-29 3:07:22 PM  
I'm in.
/ You gotta have riffraff in this joint.
 
2020-04-29 3:07:40 PM  
Fark's been good to me for 20+ years, despite what account I used. $100 support seems fair.
 
2020-04-29 3:08:48 PM  

logieal: That line is getting a bit crowded.

[Fark user image 850x111]


Seriously.  IhdtIbgaFa buys a lot of Fark for someone who demands to be given a Fark account.

/good on you, I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account!
//your support is excellent
///it lifts *and* separates
 
2020-04-29 3:08:49 PM  

I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: OhFarkMyFark?


True story - we used a screenshot of a post you made some days ago to test whether the badge would actually fit in the comments section
 
2020-04-29 3:09:03 PM  

GardenWeasel: logieal: What's the attractive and smart level priced at?

I've sponsored several for BF... no badge for that. I'll be in for a new OF badge shortly.

Drew there is an idea... Post-pandemic make OhFark badges an Achievement based on number of *purchased* sponsorships.


Or Give a Fark badges! You're on to something.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2020-04-29 3:10:20 PM  
Squirrel!
 
2020-04-29 3:10:28 PM  
No body has any weed anyway.
 
2020-04-29 3:10:53 PM  

baronbloodbath: GardenWeasel: logieal: What's the attractive and smart level priced at?

I've sponsored several for BF... no badge for that. I'll be in for a new OF badge shortly.

Drew there is an idea... Post-pandemic make OhFark badges an Achievement based on number of *purchased* sponsorships.

Or Give a Fark badges! You're on to something.


This is a great idea, lemme scribble it down
 
2020-04-29 3:11:11 PM  
Great, now the only thing I don't have are farks to give. Maybe next week.
 
2020-04-29 3:12:22 PM  
Might as well go ahead and jump in that briarpatch too.
 
2020-04-29 3:12:38 PM  
Also maybe if someone wants to give more than $100 but less than $500 let them buy more than one badge. Maybe a green and a red, or several greens.

Wish I could give more.
 
2020-04-29 3:12:47 PM  
C'est ne pas un test.
 
2020-04-29 3:12:51 PM  
I went cheap.

Coincidentally, I bought this Saturday:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-29 3:13:50 PM  
Waiting on my paycheck, then dropping the hammer!
 
2020-04-29 3:14:37 PM  
I'm in. Mostly lurk, but I'm on Fark all day basically.
 
2020-04-29 3:14:43 PM  
I still haven't gotten my stimulus check, those bastards.
 
2020-04-29 3:15:17 PM  

b0rscht: I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: HedlessChickn: hmmm, i dislike the red, but not doing $100 so...

It's okay. Us red-green colorblind folk can't tell the difference!

Dude, seriously. I was just noticing that I couldn't tell the 25ers from the 100ers. Colorblindness is fun!


Unless your swapping resistors. Then it's really farking annoying.

I keep a set of the red-green 3D glasses at the desk for when I really need to see the difference.
 
2020-04-29 3:15:34 PM  
It's not easy being green.
 
2020-04-29 3:16:03 PM  
I'm in. Where else can I comment on stuff I know almost nothing about and spew probably made up stats....well anywhere I guess...oh yeah and Photoshop contests!!
 
2020-04-29 3:16:30 PM  

logieal: That line is getting a bit crowded.

[Fark user image 850x111]


Drew, I need a WhatTheFark badge!
 
2020-04-29 3:16:31 PM  
Alright, since this is my very first entry in the Fark Newsletter since the newsletter was founded, I feel like I must commemorate this achievement with a new badge.
 
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