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Fark NotNewsletter: Well, crap
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-03-31 2:46:31 PM (393 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

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3828 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2020 at 10:57 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

So last week I sounded the alarm about Fark's ad revenue.  I've got more data for you this week on why and how, along with what I'm expecting from the next quarter in terms of ad revenue.  Tl;dr, it's an existential threat. If you can, sign up for TotalFark and BareFark

Since the last NotNewsletter, we discovered what specifically caused the sudden rapid decline in ad revenues - turns out it affected all news sites, not just us.  Apparently branding experts are reluctant to run advertising on pages that mention COVID-19. The theory is they don't want their brand to be associated with negative connotations.  The problem, however, not just for us but for all news sites, is that 90%+ of all content is COVID-related right now. As a result, when 3,000 brand advertisers all simultaneously block the words COVID-19 and coronavirus, news site ad revenue plummets.  You can read more about that and how it threatens the entire online news ecosystem in this great summary article by Craig Silverman.

However, there's more bad news - also last week the IAB, which is the primary trade group for online advertising among other things, released the results of a survey of ad buyers to try to figure out what effect the lockdown will have on ad revenues.  The short version is it'll be worse than 2008, which is pretty dire because in 2008, Fark's revenue dropped to near zero.  There's more info and data from the IAB survey here.

What this all means is, without an influx of TotalFark and BareFark subscribers, Fark will not survive the pandemic. 

I'm exploring every option available to us, including SBA disaster loans. Things do not look good, but I promise I will keep pushing to hold things together until all options are expended. Which may have to include blocking ad-block use on Fark.   

It's not just Fark that's in trouble either - the Columbia Journalism Review is just this morning sounding the alarm about the impending local news apocalypse.  It's going to hit all of us. Support your local news outlets as well if you can.

Sorry for all the doom and gloom today.  On the bright side, Fark's traffic is up.  So that's something.

On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast, Todd takes the spotlight and describes living in a Manhattan hot zone half a block from a field hospital in Central Park. Mobile morgue units, police-enforced social distancing, but also 7 p.m. city-wide cheers for responders. We're living through history, folks  

Also, with the speed of today's news cycle, Dallan and I are doing an almost-daily livestream summary of the latest in pandemic news (almost daily because we skipped yesterday, for example). Don't expect anything slick or streamlined, we're literally making this up as we go along. Currently we're streaming from https://www.twitch.tv/drewcurtis/ but hopefully once our trademark claim on /fark goes through, we'll move there.  We expect to stream sometime today, but if you miss the livestream, it will still be on Twitch later.  We'll cover a quick summary of what's newsworthy from the past 24 hours and conclude with some much-needed distractions, including today's latest Internet drama regarding whether or not Andrew Cuomo has nipple piercings. We're just asking questions here.  

Be safe, everyone. 

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

Fark's working on ways to keep you entertained during this time of social distancing. To start, we're posting weekly "art" contests with different themes and media, which we're tentatively calling Fartist Friday - let us know if you have a suggestion for a better name. We ran our first Fartist Friday contest last week, MSPaint your pet or your dream pet. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest, as you'll see below. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays with commenting closed until an hour before they show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

PS: Special thanks to Prank Call of Cthulhu for having this video with Milana Vayntrub made for your fellow Farkers. So awesome of you to do that.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
probesport shared evidence that the crackdown on buttmunching is underway
Diogenes explained being unwilling to donate computer processing power to fight COVID-19
Benevolent Misanthrope summed up a complaint from a couple who bought out a grocery store's entire meat section
Prank Call of Cthulhu did an awesome thing for Farkers (check out the link)
fusillade762 pointed out the most surprising thing about the number of confirmed COVID-19 cases in South Carolina
zobear had an idea of which movie LordOfThePings was searching for
Naido remembered what we were promised we'd have in the future instead of pooling computer power to solve problems
BizarreMan knew when to bow out of trying to answer a math question
Diogenes found the part of an article that explained what someone who ignored social distancing guidelines really did wrong
We Ate the Necco Wafers and spouse had a discussion about their wishes should something happen to one of them

Smart:
Prank Call of Cthulhu did an awesome thing for Farkers (check out the link)
Louisiana_Sitar_Club stated the truth about sincere apologies
Walker had a suggestion for what New York City should do with the bodies they have no room for
Gratch responded to claims that coronavirus survived for 17 days on a cruise ship
bobtheme figured that a spring-breaker who was in a viral video probably learned his lesson
FlashHarry told people who don't know Milana Vayntrub by name who she is
LionHound brought up the biggest "coronavirus parties" that have been happening
syrynxx learned about too much of a good thing
UNC_Samurai had a question for the Lieutenant Governor of Texas
FormlessOne had step-by-step advice on getting through the pandemic crisis

CSB Sunday Morning: Stories of the helpers
Smart:
Unikitty appreciated what people classified as essential workers are doing for us
Bonus Smart Pick:  Someone Else's Alt described the frightening conditions in which health care workers are fighting to save our lives
Funny: gordian helped an "Elsa ninja going camping" deal with being cooped up

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies).  

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Badafuco had a great idea for what to do while you're stuck at home
Funny: Old Man Winter explained how the COVID-19 stimulus bill works for those making more than $100k/year
Smart: WickerNipple argued that prayer didn't work when a Farker got bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin for dinner
Funny: JerseyTim explained the choice to be a Farker
Smart: make me some tea takes a prophylactic approach to keep everyone safe
Smart: generalDisdain figured that some people need more stimulation than others

Note to TotalFarkers: While I will continue to avoid linking to posts from selfie thread in the Fark NotNewsletters, I'm going to start including posts from non-dedicated selfie threads that include selfies and personal or family photos because it's getting more common for random personal pictures to show up in random threads. I will still try to avoid linking to posts from threads that I think the submitter or commenters might prefer to keep to a smaller audience. Also, please feel free to email me if you would like to make sure I don't link to comments from a particular thread. 

Politics Funny:
etoof thought Rand Paul could use some help fighting COVID-19
sniderman told us how one morning news show covered an attack ad the Trump campaign is trying to get off the air
Pocket Ninja explained why New Jersey doesn't need as many medical supplies as Florida does
Mr.Hawk shared a story about going way out of your way to have everything your neighbor has
hissatsu corrected a Fake News graph about COVID-19

Politics Smart:
The Third Man lamented things that needed to be included in the coronavirus relief bill
Driver had reason to prefer the relief checks don't have Donald Trump's signature on them
Private_Citizen wanted to correct the owners of Hobby Lobby when they say God wants them to keep the stores open
Scarlioni discussed states placing restrictions on people coming in from other U.S. states
OldRod pointed out an opportunity Trump doesn't take over and over again


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking showed what will happen to your neighbors if you keep hoarding
RedZoneTuba was nuts about Trump
hail2daking urged us to be more rational
Yammering_Splat_Vector encouraged us to keep our elderly uncle safe
DarkJohnson had a helpful reminder for all you buttwipes
Snubnose figured all paper can be reused
opalakea gave this senator a mobile home
Iggie put the Trump in trumpet. Wait a minute. Strike that, reverse it
hail2daking got our squirrel to cover up a little
RedZoneTuba reminded us to take care while we share

Captions:
From What is kitty saying?:

Grumpy Cat knew that this cat is actually singing
Fara Clark could tell that kitty probably was not on board with an experiment
For Caption these masked dancers:
RedZoneTuba sang along with these happy workers
kdawg7736 wrote them a song we can all identify with
From Caption these two guardsmen:
Harry Freakstorm revealed how lucky one of these guys has been
Harry Freakstorm fell for a recruiting pitch
From Caption this online ordering mistake:
markie_farkie decided a little profanity was in order
Cache found out the real reason this tiny toilet paper was sent out

Fartist Friday: MSPaint your pet or your dream pet
Conservative Evangelical Millennial Cyclist's pachyderm was really packing
whatsupchuck has a speckled kitteh
west.la.lawyer's pup is catching a snooze

There are a lot more great entries in this contest, so be sure to check them out. This week's Fartist Friday theme: Make a mask with things you already have in your home Difficulty: You can't use a mask to make your mask

Farktography:
Petit_Merdeux won Farktography Contest No. 777: "Quarantined" with essential supplies for a week or two of social distancing

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the quiz, only marred by the fact that now every news story seems to be about the Coronavirus. The 1000 club is still closed due to social distancing, but it would definitely be crowded this week. Top honor goes to The Third Man with his ridiculously high score of 1035. The rest of the 1000 club is below:

Evildog 1033
WoolyManwich 1031
sugaryvitamin 1027
FrancoFile 1027
ThomasPaineTrain 1024
Bear151556 1011
SFSailor 1006
Jerry Curlan's Horsey 1000

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over the South Georgia Pintail, a rare duck found on an island in the Indian Ocean. Only 59% of quiztakers knew that the odd ducks were observed eating dead carcasses of seals and other critters, making them the only variety of duck known to eat meat. No word on their affinity for Orange Sauce.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over French physician Victor Burq and his observations during the Paris cholera outbreaks in the 1800's. 90% of quiztakers knew that even before Germ Theory became prevalent, he realized that people exposed to large amounts of copper were far less likely to become sick. For the record, the Statue of Liberty has only taken 2 years off due to illness (1984-86) in her 134 years, so I think that counts for something.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what new product can give you your Hostess confectionery fix in an all new format. Only 42% knew that you can now buy Ding Dongs, Honey Buns, SnoBalls (ewww) and Twinkies in a convenient drinkable iced latte. Pop-Tarts are owned by Kellogg's, while Hostess brands are now owned by rival Bimbo, so don't expect to see any partnership there anytime soon. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the old TV show "The French Chef" and its host, one of the original pioneering TV chefs who taught Boomers how to cook something besides those weird Jell-O and frozen pea aspics their aunts brought to pot lucks and no one ate. 91% knew that it was Julia Child who hosted the show for 6 years in the late 60's and 70's. Cajun author and comedian Justin Wilson hosted "Louisiana Cookin" on PBS and taught GenX'er kids how to measure salt in their palms and how to say "I gair-on-tee."

Congratulations once again to the winners, and I'll have the link up for this week's Fark Weird News Quiz shortly.
· · ·

393 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-03-31 2:49:08 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 2:56:03 PM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 2:56:28 PM  
What the fark, seriously
 
2020-03-31 2:57:46 PM  
I will sponsor today.
 
2020-03-31 2:58:02 PM  
Do you have a way that I can a batch of TF sponsorships?

I don't want to go to the hassle of entering in credit card details every time?
 
2020-03-31 2:58:34 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 2:58:51 PM  
You'll get over it.
 
2020-03-31 2:59:03 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Nearer, My God, to Thee - André Rieu (live in Amsterdam)
Youtube v1mQT1u_45I
 
2020-03-31 2:59:04 PM  
Hey Drew

So I'm sitting here in my mask, scrubs, gloves, etc.

I work in radiology, not the ER or ICU so things are quiet mostly. Still scary as hell though.

I'll buy BF when I get home.

Thanks for all you do.
 
2020-03-31 2:59:10 PM  
BareFark it is
 
2020-03-31 2:59:44 PM  

Gubbo: Do you have a way that I can a batch of TF sponsorships?

I don't want to go to the hassle of entering in credit card details every time?


Or is there a way to make a direct donation?

Or is sponsoring people the better option?
 
2020-03-31 3:00:16 PM  
How about upping the subscription price for those of us that aren't prudes and relax the posting rules some to shake things up a bit.
 
2020-03-31 3:01:16 PM  
Still trying to figure out why comments disappear completely in mobile.

(The weirdest part is that all threads i click through in Facebook load normally but Safari laughs at me)
 
2020-03-31 3:02:26 PM  
My TF and BF subscriptions renewed earlier this year. Well worth it to always have somewhere to browse around when I'm bored and/or avoiding work.
 
2020-03-31 3:03:06 PM  
C'mon, gang, it's time to put on a show in the barn!

dowr580i1gdmf.cloudfront.netView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 3:03:28 PM  
Desperate times call for desperate measures

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 3:03:56 PM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: How about upping the subscription price for those of us that aren't prudes and relax the posting rules some to shake things up a bit.


When are you guys going to get it through your thick farking skulls the posting rules exist BECAUSE of advertisers? Huh? When?!

You want to post that crap? Start your own site. With no ad revenue.
 
2020-03-31 3:04:00 PM  

Gubbo: Do you have a way that I can a batch of TF sponsorships?

I don't want to go to the hassle of entering in credit card details every time?


Here. Send me the cc number. I've got a little downtime today and can help.
 
2020-03-31 3:04:08 PM  
Just signed up for barefark with auto renew.
 
2020-03-31 3:04:17 PM  
BIE will get some ladies a TF account :-)
Kidding, I'll spot a couple of good posts, sponsor them so they can wade through the floor clippings.

/psst...EIP
 
2020-03-31 3:04:48 PM  

Hyperbolic Hyperbole: Still trying to figure out why comments disappear completely in mobile.

(The weirdest part is that all threads i click through in Facebook load normally but Safari laughs at me)


Please contact Farkback about it.
 
2020-03-31 3:05:00 PM  
Delete the politics tab and make people bribe you to bring it back.
 
2020-03-31 3:05:12 PM  
You know, I gotta warn you about those Total Farkers. They're not quite right in the head.
 
2020-03-31 3:05:20 PM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: How about upping the subscription price for those of us that aren't prudes and relax the posting rules some to shake things up a bit.


We're actually discussing the rules relaxation part right now for subscribers behind the TF curtain- and in general to a certain degree
 
2020-03-31 3:06:18 PM  
Done. Support the Fark!
 
2020-03-31 3:06:35 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: Hyperbolic Hyperbole: Still trying to figure out why comments disappear completely in mobile.

(The weirdest part is that all threads i click through in Facebook load normally but Safari laughs at me)

Please contact Farkback about it.


I did, and they told me that was weird. I've tweaked every setting on my phone in some attempt to stop it but reading Fark through Facebook is the only thing that prevents it.

Maybe I just need to bite the bullet and download Firefox
 
2020-03-31 3:06:58 PM  
"We're living through history, folks."

"All times are approximate because we are all drunk."

The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh?
 
2020-03-31 3:07:41 PM  

Barry McCockner: Desperate times call for desperate measures

[Fark user image 217x432]


Is that any good? I'm gonna do a Costco trip soon.
 
2020-03-31 3:07:55 PM  

gestug: Done. Support the Fark!


images.squarespace-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 3:08:12 PM  
I just re-upped bare Fark. So take that!
 
2020-03-31 3:08:35 PM  

Gubbo: Do you have a way that I can a batch of TF sponsorships?

I don't want to go to the hassle of entering in credit card details every time?


No.  But you won't have to re-enter the card info each time if you use a Paypal account.  With Stripe you would.
 
2020-03-31 3:08:54 PM  

Cafe Threads: "We're living through history, folks."

"All times are approximate because we are all drunk."

The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh?


Pretty much
 
2020-03-31 3:09:10 PM  
Ok, fine.

/it's about time, really.
 
2020-03-31 3:09:28 PM  

Rev.K: Gubbo: Do you have a way that I can a batch of TF sponsorships?

I don't want to go to the hassle of entering in credit card details every time?

Or is there a way to make a direct donation?

Or is sponsoring people the better option?


Far be it from me to deny Drew a living, but if you can get a service for your money it's far better to buy the service. And if he's not making money off of ads anyway, you can get rid of any vestige of them and put some coin in his pocket so it's a win-win.

In other words, sponsor people. I have a few bucks that I can spare, I'll talk to the wife and see how many people I can hook up.
 
2020-03-31 3:09:38 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 3:09:39 PM  
FTFNL: Which may have to include blocking ad-block use on Fark.

May? May? Do IT! You're not David Lynch. Subscription is marketplace stasis. I'll click through five ads a day if the management of its data extraction is partnered with you and not given away to jackals. How is that SuperBowl ads are the only engaging ads? Structure an experience, not indulge engineered misclicks. You were around for AOL's greed and demise. Homestarr engaged what sponsors feared.
 
2020-03-31 3:10:04 PM  
Got my year of BF.
 
2020-03-31 3:10:06 PM  

Gubbo: Do you have a way that I can a batch of TF sponsorships?

I don't want to go to the hassle of entering in credit card details every time?


I have no idea how that works, but you can try asking Farkback.

Hyperbolic Hyperbole: I did, and they told me that was weird.


Laff, yeah, I have a couple of weird things going on in Chrome, myself.

Cafe Threads: "We're living through history, folks."

"All times are approximate because we are all drunk."

The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh?


Gotta deal somehow. ;)
 
2020-03-31 3:10:21 PM  
I will get barefark this Friday when I get paid. Maybe sponsor a couple people to come join us in TFD land. Who is worthy?
 
2020-03-31 3:11:21 PM  

MOPAR BLUE: I just re-upped bare Fark. So take that!


upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
2020-03-31 3:11:37 PM  
Just barefarked myself.
 
2020-03-31 3:11:43 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
'So it's set - we'll put on a fundraising show in the old barn.'

'And I'll flash my boobs!'
'Er, that might be a bit much.'

'Nope, the girls are all sweaty in this bra & need some air anyway.'
'NO BOOBS!'

'Geesh, someone is too "showbusinessy" in this relationship!'
 
2020-03-31 3:11:47 PM  
Bring back Foobies, but make the sites pay for each submission
 
2020-03-31 3:12:21 PM  

Unikitty: Eli WhiskeyDik: How about upping the subscription price for those of us that aren't prudes and relax the posting rules some to shake things up a bit.

When are you guys going to get it through your thick farking skulls the posting rules exist BECAUSE of advertisers? Huh? When?!

You want to post that crap? Start your own site. With no ad revenue.


Most likely because I haven't been here since day 1 and was never privy to whatever shiat show the adverts were stirring up. I don't know what happened and I wrote my previous comment because of that. I know that being uninformed is no excuse but, I have little interest in how advertising pisses and moans about the way a site is ran.
 
2020-03-31 3:12:57 PM  
This might be the time to sell lifetime subscriptions. Might have to structure it as a donation so you don't have a revenue recognition problem.
 
2020-03-31 3:13:21 PM  

oldfarthenry: [Fark user image image 500x401]'So it's set - we'll put on a fundraising show in the old barn.''And I'll flash my boobs!''Er, that might be a bit much.''Nope, the girls are all sweaty in this bra & need some air anyway.''NO BOOBS!''Geesh, someone is too "showbusinessy" in this relationship!'


There are boobs in the Friday night selfie threads in TFD. Join us.
 
2020-03-31 3:14:10 PM  

ReAnimator: Just barefarked myself.


That had to have hurt.
 
2020-03-31 3:15:26 PM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: Unikitty: Eli WhiskeyDik: How about upping the subscription price for those of us that aren't prudes and relax the posting rules some to shake things up a bit.

When are you guys going to get it through your thick farking skulls the posting rules exist BECAUSE of advertisers? Huh? When?!

You want to post that crap? Start your own site. With no ad revenue.

Most likely because I haven't been here since day 1 and was never privy to whatever shiat show the adverts were stirring up. I don't know what happened and I wrote my previous comment because of that. I know that being uninformed is no excuse but, I have little interest in how advertising pisses and moans about the way a site is ran.


It was coordinated effort that killed a lot of the fun on a lot of websites, not just fark. It's very interesting for those who make their living via the internet, but I can see where if you don't it just looks like the peolle running the sites are a bunch of prudes.

Some of it is because of SESTA/FOSTA Act and Congressional internet decency bills.
 
2020-03-31 3:15:30 PM  

Drew: Cafe Threads: "We're living through history, folks."

"All times are approximate because we are all drunk."

The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh?

Pretty much


A little while ago, someone on Facebook was looking for a better news site. I told her about this one. She actually thanked me later. We'll see if that keeps up.  XD
 
2020-03-31 3:16:25 PM  
I have $100 to help keep Fark afloat.

Tell me the best way to spend it.
 
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