Skip to content
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Drew sets up Fark's Media Power Rankings, and recognizes some of our favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/12 - 7/18
Posted by Drew at 2009-07-20 12:58:36 PM (19 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

•       •       •

4994 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jul 2009 at 2:00 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Is it Monday already? Must be time for Fark's Media Power Rankings for this week:

1. 40th anniversary of Moon landings

This is all well and good, if not for CNN's craptacular summary of all the reasons the moon landings were believed to be faked. Thanks for spreading that one around again guys. On the other hand, people dumb enough to believe in faked moon landings probably are dumb enough to believe any other random thing they hear.

2. Swine Flu

This one's just not going away, mainly because no media outlet wants to get caught with their pants down in case September rolls around and bodies start stacking up in the streets. MSM hedges toward pessimism because no one ever gets called out for expecting a worst case scenario. God forbid you're wrong on expecting a best case scenario because that makes you a moron, but being wrong on a worst case scenario is just good fortune.

3. Health Care reform

Considering none of the 'experts' can agree if Obama's health care reform is going to save or kill the economy, I expect this will run for quite awhile. Even better, toss in a mix of pundits whose job is to push the idea one way or the other along ideological grounds and the stage is set for confusion all the way.

4. Iran

The revolution may be over but there's still a split inside the government. In particular, the opposition held a sermon/rally over the weekend where the main chant was "Death to Russia". The idea being that the party in power is a pawn of the Russian government. Gotta wonder how Russia feels about that, given they're next door. They shouldn't worry too much, some Iranians were chanting "Death to China" last week. They better pray no one takes them seriously.

5. Planes falling out of the sky

We've had enough planes crash lately to get the media on the topic of "Is Our Planes Safes? Oh noes!"

6. Cronkite's death = death of media

Walter Cronkite passed a few days ago, but a) given the current media climate and b) media loves talking about media, look for the tie-ins between the End of The Cronkite Era and The Death of All Media. These end up being mainly variations of "You'll miss us when we're gone!" My personal favorite so far has been a journalist complaining that back in the old days people trusted media (step 1), and now we don't (step 3). Here's a news flash for you: Step 2 was asstastic journalism.

7. Shark attacks

An old summer standby. Especially since they've been spotted near New York, invoking the Proximity to New York City media rule (which states anything close to NYC is more likely to get media coverage). One interesting twist on the shark scare stories is that thanks to overfishing, now a third of the shark species are now classified as endangered. Must be hard to choose between the eyeball-grabbing shark attack stories and the environmentally conscious urge to protect sharks generally for the good of the ocean's biological balance. Sharks probably fart rainbows too.

8. Stories of hope from a bad economy

Bad Economy Will Eat Your Children has been beaten to death, so now it's time for the upswing. Stories of the Underdog as laid-off folks get creative to get by. And if you think it's bad now, just wait until Christmas.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-07-12 to Sat 2009-07-18:  Linda the female penguin breaks up homosexual nesting couple at San Francisco Zoo. B*tch  Jane Roe, from Roe V. Wade, arrested in anti-abortion protest. Can this woman commit to anything?  British woman nearly crashes car after windscreen viper activates suddenly  Man who killed wife with barbecue fork sentenced, hopes to get credit for tine served  Airliner crashes shortly after takeoff in Iran. Death toll currently 168 but expected to rise as government buses arrive with detained protestors  Forgotten Miami cemetery from the 1900s unearthed; Florida welcomes its youngest residents  Once-trendy "Crocs" could be on their last legs. Submitter sheds a tear while feigning a false or insincere emotional concern  Virgin Mary spotted in bird droppings. Holy crap  Circumcision study cut short  Iowa State Fair web voters say "no" to Michael Jackson butter statue. No recount needed, as the results of the poll were well outside the margarine of error  Cannes cans cans

Sports:  Former NFL wide receiver Andre Rison still insists he was the best ever. Maybe not, but his late girlfriend threw the best BBQs at his house  If you've got three hours, we've got Mets injury updates  Notre Dame to play Army at Yankee Stadium in 2010. Subby suggests scheduling the game in October to avoid a double-booking

Geek:  Slime mold displays surprising degree of intelligence, ponders 2012 presidential bid  Jellyfish invade beaches in Wales in what authorities call a spineless attack  NASA tells astronauts not to worry, those dings will buff right out

Showbiz:  Transvestite makes a fortune dressing like Madonna, which is only fair since Madonna makes a fortune dressing like a transvestite  Lance Bass still wants to be launched into space. We are all behind you, Lance  PepsiCo angered by release of Michael Jackson's fire footage, reminds you that coke burned Richard Pryor

Politics:  McCain: "Palin didn't quit, she changed her priorities." In related news, your mom isn't a slut, she's just popular  Democrat Judy Chu wins special election for California house seat, becomes first Chinese American congresswoman. Welcome to the Big League, Chu  Bankrupt Iceland asks to join European Union, crash on its couch

Music:  Tokio Hotel drummer beaten with beer bottles at bar fight. As if you wouldn't  Stage being built for Madonna's show in France collapses leaving one dead, 13 crushed for the very first time  In latest proof that the Apocalypse is all but upon us, disco is making a comeback. Submitter is sure this is in the Book of Revelation somewhere

Business:  Moody's downgrades California's bond ratings to "Rob Schneider movie"  Harley-Davidson axes 1,000 jobs as consumers turn away from bikes that represent the pinnacle of 1955 engineering and leak more oil than the Exxon Valdez  Volkswagen buys Porsche for $11.28 billion. Mid-life crisis accomplished
· · ·

19 Comments     (+0 »)
2009-07-20 01:21:03 PM  
Woo hoo! Two in the tops.
2009-07-20 01:30:10 PM  

elvisbloom: Woo hoo! Two in the tops.

i283.photobucket.comView Full Size
2009-07-20 01:30:52 PM  
Still full of win, "Welcome to the Big League, Chu"
2009-07-20 02:15:57 PM  
2-weeks-in-a-row, baby
2009-07-20 02:33:00 PM  
One greenlight, one headline of the week. Suck it, Yankees!
2009-07-20 03:21:41 PM  
I love the windshield viper headline. Will subby take a bow?
2009-07-20 03:25:37 PM  
The female penguin, Madonna, and Tokio Headlines are mine.

/First hat trick
2009-07-20 03:27:18 PM  
This would all be so much more powerful as a Fark TV spew.
2009-07-20 03:49:19 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: I love the windshield viper headline. Will subby take a bow?

You called? :)
2009-07-20 03:55:58 PM  
Wait, wait, wait!!

The moon landings were faked?
2009-07-20 04:24:15 PM  

Heroic Poser: Wait, wait, wait!!

The moon landings were faked?

Drew mentions the fake moon landings CNN article in his blog, but the thread doesn't make the headlines of the week? wtf

/subby of the CNN article
2009-07-20 04:24:16 PM  
DammitIForgotMyLogin: I had a feeling it might be yoy
2009-07-20 04:32:54 PM  
My third H.O.W, yay! I would claim a hat trick here, but as mine was the circumcision thread it might be too over the top.
2009-07-20 04:58:32 PM  
My first ever greenlight snags a H.O.W.? How cool!
2009-07-20 05:34:24 PM  
So nobody cares about this except the people who spend their lives posting threads?
2009-07-20 08:09:38 PM  

MIguy: So nobody cares about this except the people who spend their lives posting threads?

2009-07-20 09:03:47 PM  
Drew: The revolution may be over but there's still a split inside the government.

Over?? Did you say OVER??? NOTHING IS OVER UNTIL WE SAY IT IS!! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? HELL NO! AND IT AIN'T OVER NOW!

/seriously, though, there is a lot still going on in the situation
//it may not be the in your face blow shiat up revolution that would drive media coverage, but people are still fighting for change nonetheless. :-/
2009-07-20 11:59:21 PM  

mamoru: /seriously, though, there is a lot still going on in the situation
//it may not be the in your face blow shiat up revolution that would drive media coverage, but people are still fighting for change nonetheless. :-/

Came here to make sure someone had said this.
2009-07-21 06:39:34 AM  
I was expecting an awesome collection of headlines but was a little dismayed, and concerned, that most of Drew's favorites happen to be the eye-rolling puns, and not the headlines that are actually clever.

Puns are the lowest form of humor, and quite possibly the lowest form of written word, perhaps even lower than Star Trek TAS homoerotic fan-fiction.
Displayed 19 of 19 comments

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

In Other Media
Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.