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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-12-16 to Sat 2018-12-22
Posted by Blythe at 2019-02-12 11:10:17 AM (4 comments) | Permalink

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497 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2019 at 11:30 AM (22 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back to Headline of the Week!  We had a great time with Headline of the Year 2018 and we're slowly working our way through December and January Headlines of the Week to get caught up with this new year!

Thanks as always to our amazing submitters and to our TotalFark voters.  These are the headlines we love to share and say "*this* is Fark."

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-12-16 to Sat 2018-12-22:  "Zombie cyclone" terrorizes Australia, bringing with it half a metre of raiiiiiiiiins  This is why I never let anyone sleep over (some NSFW images)  Q: How many chucks could New York ban if New York could ban chucks? A: Nun  When pressed, authorities said the man died  Obama dons red to better embody socialism as he literally provides handouts to unproductive members of society who do nothing but lie around in bed all day  Police seek suspect in Midvale home invasion robbery who managed to finally get through that damn front door  As I trudge through the snow with my reindeer and sleigh, I think to myself there's no bloody way. Imma gonna pay taxes for a few hours work, to visit all these houses where kids act like jerks. It's all sin and vice living in a socialist paradise  ♪ ♫ My drones they fly over Gatwick / To see what me and my honey can see / Because people hate drones over Gatwick / The police are now handcuffing me ♪ ♫

Sports:  You can't spell "Cowboys" without 00  So a rabbi, a Torah and Lenny Dykstra walk into an East Side wine shop  Basketball is taking off in Tibet after Ted Striker and Elaine Dickinson introduced it to a small village while with the Peace Corps  Jingle Bells, Philly smells, Patriots laid an egg, Cam mobile lost his wheels and Jon Gruden got away. This is the weekly Power Rankings thread  The backup goalie for the US hockey squad in the 1936 put Hitler in his place in the locker room. And later landed at Normandy on D + 2

Geek:  Mirror, mirror in the sea...Who's that fish? Oh It's me  No, Bethesda, you idiots. DIG UP  By Grabthar's hammer... what a savings  One grill, 2,700 cups  "Is there a chance iPads could bend?" On your life, my techie friend  Groundbreaking Gammora drug kills HIV-infected cells in human subjects without harming healthy cells, unlike the competing Thanos drug which lethally harms half of all living cells in the universe (possible nsfw content on page)

Entertainment:  A concert audience with no guys because they're not allowed instead of no girls because they don't want to be there. It's like a Rush concert in reverse  Time for her to throw that Master's degree in the garbage -- Curt T. Potatoman is her master now  Oh, the places you'll go...Be your name Horton or Grinch or Yertel, or Audrey (missus Dr. Seuss) Geisel...You're off to Great Places, today is your day...Your husband is waiting. So...You're on your way

Politics:  Democrats are excited, VERY excited, as Trump's odds of impeachment surge. Look at those odds surging. Those turgid, throbbing odds, thrusting and surging; surging and ramming, the engorged surging YES OH GOD YES THEY SURGE SO GOOD  Mueller kicking it old school and going all the way back to 1983. Where popped collars and Russians laundering money through Trump Tower condos were all the rage  Rick Santorum is paying to have photos of him posing with Maria Butina scrubbed from the internet, pass it on  Court declares NY ban on nunchucks unconstitutional. No comment thus far from chucked nuns, nor how many nuns a nunchuck could chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns  Oh hey, CNN has the signed letter of intent to build Trump Tower Moscow and Whoopee Parlor from the campaign  West Virginia, there is a Satan clause  Constituent of racist Arizona lawmaker sends vile letter to NAACP leader. It's a dry hate  All in all there's not a cent for Trump's wall  Whitaker, appointed to stop Mueller from exposing Trump's lifelong criminal past, prepares to stop Mueller from exposing Trump's lifelong criminal past, so that Barr can replace non-recusing Whitaker who replaced the recused Sessions. The Aristocracy  Senator is stuck to chair. So very scared. Help  Russia: "We're very sorry to all of you. We had no idea how batsh*t insane Donald Trump was. Can you please hold another election sometime next week? Thanks"

Business:  Just checking in, Farkers: here are he hidden meanings behind 11 commonly used email phrases. Kind regards, Subby  Ghosn can't escape the specter of re-arrest  WaPo: "Bitcoin Cash's 180% Bounce Looks Like a Dead Cat". Pfft, what do they know? DeadCatCoin will be the next big thing. That'll show 'em  Ford recalls 874,000 pickup trucks because snuggling in front of a fire on a cold winter night should not be from a roaring blaze in your engine  The CEO is 75, she looks at the financials one minute a month, the campus is a theme park, everybody's a wizard. Even in winter, working at a Wisconsin medical software company sounds pretty good. Maybe even Epic

Discussion:  "Your stripper name is your favorite salad dressing and the thing about you that most disappoints your parents". Subby is 'Greek Liberal'  ♫ Jingle Bells, Two Scoops smells, Sarah laid an egg, the White House squeals, lost its wheels in time for Fresh Hell Friday ♫ Grab your egg nog and snuggle up for the MSNBC Discussion Thread at 8PM EST  There I was, thinking about cooking dinner. My cats were eager for their food out of a can, and it struck me: I never cook for my cats. Am I strange? Should I whip them up a nice tuna salad, or just go with Fancy Feast because they won't complain?

D'awww:  I GOT IT... Oh, that's not good  Our long national wait is over: bow before your Naked Mole Rat Queen. Circe. She hath given birth... I SAID BOW, YOU SQUINTY-EYED, WRINKLY... oh hey Steve didn't recognize you for a second. Yeah, uh, I'll have the rent in the morning  Oh Christmas Weed, Oh Christmas Weed, Toledo loves their Christmas Weed  Hold me closer, Tiny Riverdancer

Food:  Viands, viands everywhere, nor any safe to eat  Turns out not all glitter is edible. Who knew?  Portland ranked #1 US city for beer drinkers. Sorry, Portland, you're #3  When sous-vide finally falls out of favor, it's going to leave a vacuum in annual best-of lists. A mushy, pasty, uncaramelized, crustless vacuum  If it's one thing that humans are really good at, it's making booze from whatever ingredients happen to be lying around
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2019-02-12 11:59:51 AM  
2019-02-12 12:03:29 PM  
Who farted, y'all?
2019-02-12 12:04:21 PM  

vudukungfu: Who farted, y'all?

No one of consequence.
2019-02-12 02:03:48 PM  
Displayed 4 of 4 comments

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