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Fark NotNewsletter: Drew's pedaling his sparkly hooves across New York
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-02-05 12:27:51 PM (62 comments) | Permalink
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1193 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2019 at 7:57 PM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Happy championship parade day, Boston.  You'd think they'd be all paraded out given the past few years of their sports team successes.  However, they also like skipping work and day drinking, so I doubt they'll find their enthusiasm waning anytime soon.  

As for other news-related stuff, the State of the Union drinking game is tonight.  Choose your terms carefully or at least notify your local hospital to fire up the stomach pump in anticipation of your arrival.  I should be in rare form - they scheduled a KY basketball game right before it.

In other news, its my birthday this week!  My friend Buck Wolf from the Huffington Post recently talked me into cycling 500 miles from Manhattan to Buffalo in late July.  I'm raising $3,500 for the Roswell Park Alliance Foundation, which claims to spend all their donations on fighting cancer as opposed to hiding crashed alien spaceships and tricking Jonathan Frakes into doing voice overs for questionable Fox documentaries.  Either way, I figure it's a worthy cause. To sweeten the deal, if I hit my fundraising goal on or before my birthday, Thursday February 7th, I promise not only to buy and wear the "F*ck Cancer" socks pictured in the stock photo I randomly chose for the fundraiser, but I'll have my daughter Sierra, age 9, paint my toenails all kinds of glittery fancy colors for the ride.  All the bronies will be super jealous. So if you're a fan of fighting cancer, hiding evidence of aliens, and making me dress funny, this is your golden opportunity to donate now. Also, that's a weird fetish to have.

Speaking of which, the ride takes a full week and stops in all the major New York cities.  So you know what that means - Fark parties! I'm pretty sure we're stopping in or near Albany, Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo on the ride.  And as an added bonus, Fark turns 20 years old next week! So we've got something to celebrate! More on Fark20 in the next Fark NotNewsletter!

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Feral Cat With Scissors was adamantly opposed to having a dress code for parents visiting schools
naughtyrev realized just how poorly men treat a certain woman who can't climax
Naido had a good question about a Boy Scout who had a gun pulled on him for putting a flyer on a door
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That had a better place to put a Pop Tart instead of sticking it in your fanny
MrBallou summed up a very Canadian problem
revrendjim found a problem with David Dunning's advice on avoiding the Dunning-Kruger effect
the_innkeeper agreed that another Farker's sister was responsible for the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion
Slypork referenced a 1972 film
hobnail responded to the assertion that a man is gay if he admires a woman's derriere
markie_farkie figured out what was happening in someone's selfie

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
giantmeteor had some strong words for the planet Neptune

Smart:
NotARocketScientist explained why some doctors won't accept the children of anti-vaxxers as patients
Ambivalence presented evidence that windchill is not meaningless
MattytheMouse shared a personal story about the implication that anti-vaxxers would rather their children die than have autism
Xanlexian showed the good that can be caused by anti-vaxxers
hobnail responded to the assertion that a man is gay if he admires a woman's derriere
winedrinkingman discussed how 50 guns might have gone missing from the Maricopa County Sheriff's office when Joe Arpaio was in charge
vudukungfu wondered if a newly-discovered problem means we can talk about gun control now
sigdiamond2000 thought that being a "men's rights activist" sounds like a real treat
eurotrader had advice for a woman who can't get joy
wejash predicted what a cop will do in the future

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Badafuco learned that young people aren't going to understand all the old references
Funny: merrillvillain helped a Farker who couldn't get the house heated above 67°
Smart: MIAppologia's solution sounded like a lot more work
Funny: Barry McCockner taught some students to be excited about listing their sources
Funny: EatHam really worked hard at messing with a Canadian coworker

Politics Funny:
scottydoesntknow figured that Robert Mueller will do what it takes to get Roger Stone to cooperate
naughtyrev explained the cold weather to Donald Trump
grokca pointed out that Trump shouldn't worry about his doctor revealing how much Trump weighs now
Farking Clown Shoes altered the White House Press Secretary's appearance
cameroncrazy1984 explained why there won't be another government shutdown over the border wall

Politics Smart:
Snapper Carr commented on the idea that Trump is destroying Ronald Reagan's legacy
mrshowrules had tips for determining if Trump is lying or telling the truth
weddingsinger thought that comparing Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to Trump overlooks the essence of Trump's personality
NewportBarGuy considered how the U.S. intelligence community probably feels right now
BizarreMan responded to Trump's angry tweet about a new book by Cliff Sims


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz showed someone scratching an itchy leg
RedZoneTuba misplaced something very important while on vacation
RedZoneTuba found a very lonely candidate
cowgirl toffee helped Drew get a side job
Snubnose sensed a presence
RedZoneTuba gave us a moody twosome
RedZoneTuba found a photo of the first telephone operator
Yammering_Splat_Vector brought out the big lizard
RedZoneTuba flew a Zeppelin too low
Snubnose needs to get Drew a tutor

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 717: "Reflections 4" ended in a tie between BecauseISaidSo's shiny Chicago bean and beerrun's cloudy-eyed baseball player

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Friday, February 8: Eugene, OR Fark Party
Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party
Friday, March 15: Fort Collins, CO Fark Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had another great time on the quiz while frozen in last week. Unfortunately, no one made it into the 1000 club, which is a shame because the slumber party on Sunday evening was a rousing success, especially DisseminationMonkey's 18-layer-dip. Well, it was supposedly 18 layers, but no one made it past layer 11 because the chips were too short. Anyway, Denjiro came out on top with 952, followed by FrancoFile in second with 949 and jaksmata in third with 926. FormerJanitor took fourth with 906, and the number five slot goes to LizardOnAStick with 854. I'm guessing scores will be better this week since half the country was too frozen to leave the house, and subsisted on milk and bread sandwiches and threw things at anyone who suggested "Netflix and Chill".

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which country was the first to sink their claws into Google for violations of the E.U.'s General Data Protection Regulation, which provides consumer privacy protections. Only 30% of quiztakers knew that it was France who wouldn't surrender against the 800 lb. gorilla Google has become. I mean, you only have to go to any beach in the south of France to see just how much they all value their privacy over there. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which one of those wacky British royals made tabloid headlines for the week. 82% of quiztakers knew that although Prince Philip has retired from public life, he apparently still likes to go for a drive every now and again in a 6+-year-old low-end Range Rover. The oddest part of the story was that reporters witnessed another of the same model SUV being dropped off at his residence later in the week. Not even an upgrade? I'm thinking maybe his wife was not amused and was making him drive that as punishment for something.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over the name Nabisco has settled on for their new bag of creme with a few chocolate wafers inside, swimming around like the prize in your Froot Loops in 1983. Surprisingly, only 34% of quiztakers knew that they had settled on "Most Stuf" as the name, although I think they could add an "-ly" to the end for accuracy. Which means that 64% of quiztakers thought "Over Stuf" was a good name. Perhaps I should trademark that for when they decide to start leaving out the chocolate wafers.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the Grand Basset Griffon Vendéen and the Nederlandse Kooikerhondjes. 85% of quiztakers knew that these were new dog breeds introduced as categories in the upcoming Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. The few times I've watched it, I've found that the fancier the name of the breed, the more likely it is to do its business on the carpet, so I'm expecting to see some leg humping of the judges out of at least one of these.

If you missed last week's quiz, you can catch up on it here. Congratulations to the winners, and later this week we'll be testing the knowledge you gained from sitting around in your jammies last week when it was too cold to venture outwards.


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Welcome back to Headline of the Week!  We had a great time with Headline of the Year 2018 and we're just starting to work through December and January Headlines of the Week to get caught up with this new year!

Thanks as always to our amazing submitters and to our TotalFark voters.  These are the headlines we love to share and say "*this* is Fark."

Here are a few of our favorites this week, check out all the Fark Headlines of the Week here.

Main

"Inside the mind of a plagiarist" (easiest headline I ever submitted)

Sports

Man named Zebulon attacks firefighter after Browns game. May his punishment be watching all future Browns games with Hue Jackson

Geek

Time travel is possible, but only if you have infinite mass. Well, I've been off my diet for a while now

Entertainment 

No, James Bond has a drinking solution

Politics

He did not slap them in the mouth. He did not slap them north, nor south. He did not kick them in the balls. He did not throw them from his Halls. He rejected all their pleas, and slammed those whose job's to "speak for the trees"

Business

His name was Ghosn, he headed Nissan. With a Brazil apartment as his lair, and misconduct down to there. He did a tap dance, he saw his big chance. But Nissan thought it odd, since he's indicted for tax fraud. At the Copa, Copacabana

Discussion 

As Infrastructure Week comes to a close, join us for the MSNBC FRESH HELL FRIDAY thread. Fun starts at 8pm EST, BYOB, IYKWISAITYDNTTAWWT

Yawl shud be asahmed four shamming that farker hoo mispeled himp erliar

D'awww

Needles to say, spotting a rare albino porcupine waddling through a snowy forest is an une-quilled delight

Food

A hot dog is a taco, a steak is a salad and a Pop-Tart is a calzone. Let the Cube Rule explain

________________________

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

62 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2019-02-05 12:31:54 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 12:33:22 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 12:34:20 PM  
Jesus. I've been a Farker longer than your kid's been alive.
 
2019-02-05 12:37:13 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Sweet ride, Drew! No, I'm not laughing at it - or your hat. Honest!
 
2019-02-05 12:38:44 PM  
Count me in for the Fark party in NYC! You need scouts for locations?
 
2019-02-05 12:39:49 PM  
Stop in Utica at the Nail Creek, Drew
 
2019-02-05 12:39:52 PM  
SMH and I'm moving to AZ in less than a month, away from Rochester where we could have greeted Drew with the local fare (garbage plates washed down with Genny Cream Ale).

I'm sure Drew would reconsider an El Paso-Flagstaff ride.  What could go wrong with that in July?
 
2019-02-05 12:40:39 PM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 12:46:12 PM  
If you really want to see exotic locales, there is some big cycling event in the northern part of the County (re: northern Northern Maine) that lasts for 10 days in September.  Come cycle through beautiful landscapes while zooming past harvesters, dodging potatoes and swatting mosquitoes!!
 
2019-02-05 12:46:13 PM  
I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.
 
2019-02-05 12:46:50 PM  

Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.


I know those feels, bro.  :-(

/ok, I think I've been chosen *once*...
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2019-02-05 12:47:37 PM  
Alternating drinking and riding. Call the Guiness Book of World Records folks to see if there's a record for longest vomit trail.
 
2019-02-05 12:48:16 PM  

Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.


Never been chosen.
Sometimes it's a popularity contest, sometimes it's what tickles the funny bone.
it's not important.
(Went to one middle school dance, wasn't asked to dance, never went to another dance as long as I lived)
 
2019-02-05 12:48:47 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 12:49:33 PM  
He's resorted to selling shoes?
 
2019-02-05 12:52:22 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 12:56:22 PM  

Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.


Me neither.  Not once.  It's the one thing keeping me from TFGreatness.

/well, that and being funny
//and witty
///my momma loves me
 
2019-02-05 12:58:53 PM  

kimwim: Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.

Never been chosen.
Sometimes it's a popularity contest, sometimes it's what tickles the funny bone.
it's not important.
(Went to one middle school dance, wasn't asked to dance, never went to another dance as long as I lived)


Do you all know how often I see Farkers who have been in the NNL (sometimes multiple times) claim they've never been in the NNL? So far, it's nearly every time someone says they've never been in it.
 
2019-02-05 01:01:46 PM  

Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.


I've made it like 6 times now and have neither the wit or smarts of many of you.
 
2019-02-05 01:02:22 PM  
Petalling. Pet peave.

media1.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 01:02:43 PM  
Hey, I remember that Alien Autopsy video that was on Fox. It was even more entertaining to read about people's reactions afterward, since there were inevitably people who thought it was real.
 
2019-02-05 01:02:48 PM  

Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.


I made it once but not for something in TF.
 
2019-02-05 01:04:43 PM  
I have to ask, because of the headline: how much are you asking for your sparkly hooves? They'd raise a good deal of money, but then you wouldn't be able to walk.
 
2019-02-05 01:13:27 PM  
I've never seen a KY basketball game but the ball must get pretty slippery.
 
2019-02-05 01:19:47 PM  

Badafuco: Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.

I've made it like 6 times now and have neither the wit or smarts of many of you.


I've made it once.   ONCE  *shakes fist*
 
2019-02-05 01:20:09 PM  
Buffalo Fark party in July. Count me in . Mr Fuzzypaws is the expert on these so he should give suggestions on the place.

I'll also kick in a bit of dosh to get the toenails painted.
 
2019-02-05 01:21:28 PM  

raerae1980: Badafuco: Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.

I've made it like 6 times now and have neither the wit or smarts of many of you.

I've made it once.   ONCE  *shakes fist*


1. Be funny.

2. Don't be unfunny

;)
 
2019-02-05 01:25:40 PM  
Oh also, Roswell Park hospital is where my brother got his bone marrow transplant for leukemia. It has a fantastic, caring, dedicated group of professionals working there. Drew couldn't have picked a better cause.
 
2019-02-05 01:32:50 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 01:35:03 PM  

feckingmorons: Buffalo Fark party in July. Count me in . Mr Fuzzypaws is the expert on these so he should give suggestions on the place.

I'll also kick in a bit of dosh to get the toenails painted.


Hopefully not the weekend of the 6th. Could be worth making the 3 hour trip out there otherwise.
 
2019-02-05 01:46:42 PM  

envirovore: feckingmorons: Buffalo Fark party in July. Count me in . Mr Fuzzypaws is the expert on these so he should give suggestions on the place.

I'll also kick in a bit of dosh to get the toenails painted.

Hopefully not the weekend of the 6th. Could be worth making the 3 hour trip out there otherwise.


That would be cool. Hitch a ride on his bike.
 
2019-02-05 01:54:08 PM  
Think this is the ride link
Route and schedule are there. Third day ends in Albany at the capital but the participants are bussed to Schenectady for the night.
 
2019-02-05 01:56:25 PM  
I goofed. Dates are for 2019 (7/28-8/3) but the route shown is last year's. New route has not been finalized.
 
2019-02-05 01:57:58 PM  
Fark Cancer.

Drew, how do I donate without Facebooking?
 
2019-02-05 02:03:11 PM  

feckingmorons: envirovore: feckingmorons: Buffalo Fark party in July. Count me in . Mr Fuzzypaws is the expert on these so he should give suggestions on the place.

I'll also kick in a bit of dosh to get the toenails painted.

Hopefully not the weekend of the 6th. Could be worth making the 3 hour trip out there otherwise.

That would be cool. Hitch a ride on his bike.


We'll just throw it in the back of our Element and give him a ride out.

Suppose we'd have to get the Element fixed first though.
 
2019-02-05 02:06:52 PM  

envirovore: Suppose we'd have to get the Element fixed first though


Yeah, you don't want it making little baby Elements when there are so many Elements already that need loving homes.
 
2019-02-05 02:09:15 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 02:12:28 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: envirovore: Suppose we'd have to get the Element fixed first though

Yeah, you don't want it making little baby Elements when there are so many Elements already that need loving homes.


Wait, it works that way?
Never mind then, we'd like another anyway.
What's the gestation period for an Element?
 
2019-02-05 02:19:28 PM  

envirovore: What's the gestation period for an Element?


Before or after the Big Bang?
 
2019-02-05 02:25:17 PM  
Happy Birthday, Drew!
 
2019-02-05 02:31:12 PM  

SansNeural: Fark Cancer.

Drew, how do I donate without Facebooking?


This. I am NEVER giving Facebook my real name. It was bad enough with a fake one...
 
2019-02-05 02:35:05 PM  

WelldeadLink: envirovore: What's the gestation period for an Element?

Before or after the Big Bang?


It's a 2010, so after.
 
2019-02-05 03:07:15 PM  

lindalouwho: Happy Birthday, Drew!


media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2019-02-05 03:21:37 PM  
I'm changing my answer for the "Dorkiest thing I've ever seen" thread.
 
2019-02-05 03:23:07 PM  

guestguy: lindalouwho: Happy Birthday, Drew!

[media.giphy.com image 400x308]


"MY CAKE! UNHAND IT, PUNY HOOMAN!"
 
2019-02-05 03:25:16 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

It all went downhill from here.
 
2019-02-05 03:25:21 PM  
Came for a pic of Drew's sparkly hooves.
Leaving in tears.
😭
 
2019-02-05 03:26:20 PM  

Bimmer Jones: [img.fark.net image 315x435]
It all went downhill from here.


REPORTED!
 
2019-02-05 05:13:46 PM  

Twenty Dollar Tomato: Bimmer Jones: [img.fark.net image 315x435]
It all went downhill from here.

REPORTED!


Nuts.
 
2019-02-05 07:30:24 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: kimwim: Dance Party: I do some of my best and wittiest work on this site and am never chosen in the TF section.

It's like being the ugly girl at a school dance.

Never been chosen.
Sometimes it's a popularity contest, sometimes it's what tickles the funny bone.
it's not important.
(Went to one middle school dance, wasn't asked to dance, never went to another dance as long as I lived)

Do you all know how often I see Farkers who have been in the NNL (sometimes multiple times) claim they've never been in the NNL? So far, it's nearly every time someone says they've never been in it.


Then how about a Fark app that notifies us if we make the NNL by texting us or something?  Call it Telefark, or whatever.
 
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