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Fark NotNewsletter: Hold on to your vortices
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-01-29 12:33:20 PM (44 comments) | Permalink
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1159 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Jan 2019 at 7:57 PM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Winter Storm Jayden is here, causing schools to close, flights to get canceled, offices to close, bread and milk to be bought, and people to freeze their asses off. Please check in at our Winter Storm Jayden discussion thread to update fellow Farkers if you're affected by it. Stay safe, and maybe consider putting on some pants just this once.

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat revealed what some Farkers do in the bedroom
Winterlight guessed at why a home invasion went so wrong for the criminals
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That gave a math lesson
Im_Gumby fixed a grammatical error
Descartes thought that some events after a break-in sounded familiar
Devolving_Spud had a wedding gift for a vegan who hates meat eaters
Too Pretty For Prison is also too pretty for hiking
ox45tallboy shared some information about cougars
SirEattonHogg found an illustration of a gross experience a flight attendant had
bearded clamorer knew why a man wasn't badly injured when a KFC worker threw food at him

Smart:
Chariset cleared up a misconception about incels
MattytheMouse explained why incels are unable to get what they want
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste explained why even somehow getting what they want wouldn't make incels happy
pkjun discussed comedians who complain about "political correctness"
Gordon Bennett translated a vegan bride's complaints
koder argued with an author's statements on the dangers of legal marijuana
theflatline defended Seth MacFarlane's science fiction credentials
Mr. Coffee Nerves figured out how millennials could be responsible for the downfall of Harley Davidson
Dark Side Of The Spoon discussed how and why men become incels
rewind2846 gave a graphic example of why you should vaccinate your children (and yourself)

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: KangTheMad explained why weighted blankets are so popular lately
Funny: flucto had a really creepy experience with a nosy neighbor
Funny: generalDisdain pointed out that an hour is enough time to be truly prepared for a date
Funny: Brawndo gave advice on a good place to get a weighted blanket

Politics Funny:
shower_in_my_socks showed us what Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer were doing
impaler reacted to Roger Stone's arrest
impaler consulted a psychic
Chariset revealed information about certain members of Congress
Dimensio pointed out that QAnon was right all along
impaler showed Snekretary making an announcement about Hillary Clinton's emails

Politics Smart:
Visual Howlaround Title Sequence discussed rural Republicans' dislike of the federal government
JulieAzel626 had an idea of why some people were happy with the government shutdown
markie_farkie figured out the origin of the money Democrats offered to Donald Trump for border security
Mike_LowELL asked us to stretch our imaginations
Thundrull shared a photo of a migrant caravan

CSB Sunday Morning:   Wearing the wrong thing
Smart (tie):
mama2tnt was gracious at a funeral
Smart (tie): ytterbium had a slightly different reaction to unusual funeral attire
Funny:  The Headless Horseman's Headless Horse should've traveled by sleigh and reindeer

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
All of the top 10 highest-voted entries came from the same contest: "With Trump's State of the Union speech coming up, let's Photoshop him giving his address from some appropriate places. Difficulty: Must be above ground." As I'm writing this, voting is still open, so results may have shifted slightly, but the top-10 entries as of Sunday morning are from RedZoneTuba, Yammering_Splat_Vector, Herb Utsmelz, Circusdog320, Driver, Yammering_Splat_Vector, Circusdog320, Yammering_Splat_Vector, Low Budget Mofo, and Knockers. You can see all of the vote results for this contest here.

Here are some top-voted entries from some of the other contests from last week:
fortheloveofgod found that this unusual woman has some interested suitors
Yammering_Splat_Vector designed a monument to an iconic group of entertainers
crispy pizza showed us why color TV is an important invention
Don_cos proved that some people learn important lessons much later than other people do
Stantz knew that even fungi don't want unsightly blemishes
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what a clockeyed cat looks like
RedZoneTuba put a pack of rats in a precarious position
fark_booger enjoyed a sauce new wave band
RedZoneTuba took Trump administration women on a wild ride
Circusdog320 put the "fun" in "fungus"


Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 716: "Blue 4" with a photo with a bunch of nice-looking jugs

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Friday, February 8: Eugene, OR Fark Party
Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party
Friday, March 15: Fort Collins, CO Fark Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had a fun time on the quiz, and learned that government shutdown or no government shutdown, Florida Man never takes the week off. Although we did have an 11/11, time came into play once again and so I'll get the 1000 club all to myself. Pity, too, as we ordered a pony keg of Wootstout for the Superb Owl.

In first place this week was bingethinker with 984, followed by Glockenspiel Hero in second with 931 and FormlessOne in third with 924. devwood takes fourth with 915, and WickerNipplefinishes out the top five with 875.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over more useless crap you can buy from the Internet in an Ambien fog. Only 31% of quiztakers knew that for the low, low price of $1,963,655.99, you could get the most expensive item on Amazon, a package of 9,000 pieces of NFL memorabilia. No word on free shipping with Prime, but I would expect them to throw in the delivery truck as well for that price.  

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over the highest-grossing video game of 2018 - and also the highest grossing single year for a game ever. 89% of quiztakers knew that although Grand Theft Auto V was the highest grossing game in total of all time, and League of Legends was the most popular by number of players, it was Fortnite that had been the most successful in monetizing the "free-to-play" business model, with over $2.8 billion in revenue last year. Still no word on how much I would have to pay in order to ban teenagers yelling racist and homophobic crap at me while I pwn them like the n00bs they are - because I have no doubts I could have a gofundme set up and goal reached in less than hour no matter what price they wanted.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which Amazon device was now banned in Germany. Only 40% of quiz takers knew that it was the Amazon Dash, the little push button refill thingy you keep next to your laundry detergent or toilet paper that was now verboten. A German court ruled that since the button did not indicate the price the consumer would be paying for the product, it violated consumer protection laws. I'm really surprised no one has brought a consumer protection case about toddlers ordering it to play Baby Shark at odd times. Is it so hard for them to program "Alexa, don't EVER play baby shark again. EVER!" for parents everywhere?

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which men's personal care brand had released a new commercial decrying toxic masculinity. 88% of quiztakers knew that it was Gillette who had altered their slogan to "The Best A Man Can Be" in a bit of a cultural shift from men's care products promoting hyper-masculinity. Most people are reacting rather positively to the commercial, and the ones who aren't probably liked the Kendall Jenner Pepsi commercial. 

If you missed the quiz last week, you can catch up on it here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

44 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2019-01-29 12:38:02 PM  
2 of my three vortices are exit only!
 
2019-01-29 12:38:13 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 12:38:23 PM  
please unsubscribe me from your newsletter.
 
2019-01-29 12:40:59 PM  
Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!
 
2019-01-29 12:42:11 PM  

CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!


I don't listen to The Weather Channel or anyone who names their child Jayden.
 
2019-01-29 12:43:02 PM  

CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!


I assure you, I had nothing to do with naming it. I'd have come up with something funnier, but not Stormy McStormface because that's so played out.
 
2019-01-29 12:43:29 PM  
No mention of Capitol Visitor Drew Curtis?
 
2019-01-29 12:46:21 PM  
Mmmmph... my David Brody comment was quantitatively funnier, but whatevs.
 
2019-01-29 12:46:22 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!

I assure you, I had nothing to do with naming it. I'd have come up with something funnier, but not Stormy McStormface because that's so played out.


Winter Storm Lou Gramm--because by 5PM today, we're all gonna be cold as ice.
 
2019-01-29 12:48:16 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!

I assure you, I had nothing to do with naming it. I'd have come up with something funnier, but not Stormy McStormface because that's so played out.


Oh, I know. Just biatching about the idea in general. Even the NOAA/NWS refuses such shenanigans.
 
2019-01-29 12:50:04 PM  

CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!


No, we need to name every single f*cking weather event: Thunderstorm Ted, Hailstorm Frank, Lightning Bolt Aloysius, Snowflake Karen, Pile of Dirty Slush Donald.
 
2019-01-29 12:51:12 PM  
We'll be naming measles outbreaks next.
 
2019-01-29 12:51:49 PM  

Hassan Ben Sobr: We'll be naming measles outbreaks next.


They're all named "Jenny McCarthy"
 
2019-01-29 12:51:51 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!

No, we need to name every single f*cking weather event: Thunderstorm Ted, Hailstorm Frank, Lightning Bolt Aloysius, Snowflake Karen, Pile of Dirty Slush Donald.


Wall Cloud Willie. Drought Fred.
 
2019-01-29 12:53:37 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Hassan Ben Sobr: We'll be naming measles outbreaks next.

They're all named "Jenny McCarthy"


Or Spot.
 
2019-01-29 01:00:16 PM  

cowgirl toffee: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Hassan Ben Sobr: We'll be naming measles outbreaks next.

They're all named "Jenny McCarthy"

Or Spot.


Karen.
 
2019-01-29 01:05:18 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 01:07:09 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 01:12:04 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 01:20:24 PM  

The English Major: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!

No, we need to name every single f*cking weather event: Thunderstorm Ted, Hailstorm Frank, Lightning Bolt Aloysius, Snowflake Karen, Pile of Dirty Slush Donald.

Wall Cloud Willie. Drought Fred.


Haboob Bob
 
2019-01-29 01:27:25 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 01:28:03 PM  
They named it Jayden? I hate the Weather Channel even more now.
 
2019-01-29 01:35:06 PM  

cgraves67: They named it Jayden? I hate the Weather Channel even more now.


Hey, the next letter is "K"

Maybe we'll get "K-a" next.
 
2019-01-29 01:38:12 PM  
jesus christ, impaler...save some votes for the rest of us not-as-funny people.  :/

/snekretary is my spirit animal
 
2019-01-29 01:38:46 PM  
Once a generation cold snap. The projected low here is around 1 degree for one morning. 6 degrees the next morning. The winter we built our house and had to live in rental property, the sub-zero temps went on for 6 days with a lowest temp for -24F. That was a cold snap worthy of the name, and that fargin' rental house was as drafty as a wind tunnel. That was ~25 years ago. Approximately a generation ago. So, this year's generational cold snap means our winter will be 2 days long.  (Our crocus is already up.)
 
2019-01-29 01:42:31 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 01:46:49 PM  

TomTudbury: cgraves67: They named it Jayden? I hate the Weather Channel even more now.

Hey, the next letter is "K"

Maybe we'll get "K-a" next.


Probably Kayden.
 
2019-01-29 01:51:12 PM  

Chris Ween: 2 of my three vortices are exit only!


So far ...
 
2019-01-29 01:53:04 PM  
Jayden?

No,no,no. It's Fhqwhgads. Fsjal, Fgsfds  in that order.
 
2019-01-29 01:56:51 PM  

TomTudbury: [img.fark.net image 425x276]


Slightly modified..

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 01:58:14 PM  

cgraves67: TomTudbury: cgraves67: They named it Jayden? I hate the Weather Channel even more now.

Hey, the next letter is "K"

Maybe we'll get "K-a" next.

Probably Kayden.


Then "Leyden"
 
2019-01-29 02:01:47 PM  
Naming winter storms is so goddamn 10-ply & awkward!
Stop hyperventilating, give yer balls a tug & shovel the feckin' driveway. Geesh!
 
2019-01-29 02:02:59 PM  

oldfarthenry: Naming winter storms is so goddamn 10-ply & awkward!
Stop hyperventilating, give yer balls a tug & shovel the feckin' driveway. Geesh!


only thing worth plowin' is big city billet sisters.
 
2019-01-29 02:03:43 PM  

oldfarthenry: Naming winter storms is so goddamn 10-ply & awkward!
Stop hyperventilating, give yer balls a tug & shovel the feckin' driveway. Geesh!


*momentarily stops tugging balls and looks up*

What's that, now?
 
2019-01-29 02:14:29 PM  
Yay me!
 
2019-01-29 02:58:40 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 08:07:44 PM  
It's times like this where testicular caution should be at its greatest...

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 08:30:38 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 09:55:47 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: CommieTaoist: Stop naming winter storms! That's not a thing! Don't listen to those Weather Channel asshats!

No, we need to name every single f*cking weather event: Thunderstorm Ted, Hailstorm Frank, Lightning Bolt Aloysius, Snowflake Karen, Pile of Dirty Slush Donald.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 09:56:46 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 10:46:21 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 10:52:37 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-29 11:28:49 PM  
One more.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-01-30 12:40:03 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


/I lied
//I think this one truly conveys what it is to be swept up by Fark
/G'night
 
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