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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-12-02 to Sat 2018-12-08
Posted by Blythe at 2018-12-10 9:45:11 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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posted to Main » on 10 Dec 2018 at 9:45 PM (27 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-12-02 to Sat 2018-12-08:  Actual headline of article: "Prisoner Escapes Death After Phone Gets Stuck in Rectum." In other words, damn near killed him  City plans to relocate 5,000 pigeons, which are not known for their homing ability or habit of returning to places  The Alabama mall "shooter" who was downgraded to "gun brandisher" has been downgraded again to "shot 3 times in the back"  Bus company Careem launches service in Egypt. Now, with Careem, Abdul goes far  WHO seeks guidance on gene-edited babies, possibly out of fears of creating deaf, dumb, and blind kids who sure play a mean pinball  If you were looking forward to seeing Steve Bannon at the sex robot convention later this month I have some bad news for you, mostly about the kind of person you are  Unmarried pregnant teacher fired from Catholic school. No word if she had to walk past the nativity scene on her way out  ಠ_ಠ  Went up to draw a Penis in the sky (Penis in the sky) / They said boy, you no longer fly (No longer fly) / Now I fly and I know that I'm the best / Marine guy pilot still flying with the rest  North Dakota named the best state for driving. Mostly because when spinning out of control at 105 MPH while driving drunk, the worst that can happen is running into a tumbleweed

Sports:  Mets get Edwin Diaz via trade from the Mariners for the price of also having to take Robinson Cano  Coach of the century retires again  Although perhaps he should stick to coaching basketball, Ohio State's Chris Holtmann brings up a fine point about Rocky III  Breaking: Yet another Redskins QB's leg  UMASS ranked number one in hockey for the first time in school history. Will they be there for a while, or just for a minute, man?  Aaaaaand *thud* goes the Dynamite (possible nsfw content on page)

Geek:  Maine researcher given $50,000 to study the causes of blindness in fruit flies. Most of the money to be used for tiny little canes and sunglasses  Designer of the classic Model F View-Master (last to be made from bakelite) has passed away. For younger readers, a View-Master is the Oculus Rift's hand-powered grandpappy  NASA spacecraft meets with asteroid, finds some guy named Doomsday  Medieval European plague gnomes hint at Death's travels. Wait what's a plague gnome?  And the wind cries Ares  Is America lagging behind in the race for a quantum computer? Well, yes and no

Entertainment:  (Occupation) claims (Celebrity)'s (Adjective) (Noun) is 'Satanic'  It was as if millions of alcoholic ex-sorority-girl middle aged moms cried out in excitement, but were suddenly silenced because their kids have soccer practice the night of the show  It's like Game of Thrones but with rabbits  Robert Blake files for divorce from his third wife. Well, shoot

Politics:  I have nothing to do with Russia. I have nothing to do with Russia. I have nothing to do with Russia. I have nothing to do with Russia. I have nothing to do with Russia. I have nothing to do with Russia. I have nothing to do with Russia  Headline: "The U.S. urgently needs new icebreaker ships to patrol the Arctic. Will Trump's border wall get in the way?" If it does, there were some concerning errors in the plans  Trump appears to be a Mister Miracle fan  75% - Ford Truck Ownership, 58% - Bud Light Drinkership, 64% Jesus Christ Believership, 13% Ancestors came over on the Mayflower ship  EU Advocate-General: If a country hypothetically invokes Article 50 after a narrow breferendum and then brexperiences bregrets, it breserves the right to brevoke its recent brequest and bremain unliterally. Hint hint  Mueller sees his way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go  Trump can't be bothered to recite the Apollo's Creed  Gavin McInnes says punching nazis should be a hate crime. Sounds like someone is tired of being punched  Sometimes the nickname picks you  Potatoe Man vs. Councel Man: FIGHT

Business:  Company designs extra-tall Xmas tree to keep ornaments out of reach from toddlers and curious cats. Take a bough  Marlboro to their cigarette maker, Altria, "Do you make joints?" Altria, "No." Marlboro, "You'd be a whole lot cooler if you did"  Hey guys, seems this "Facebook" thing is a pretty shady enterprise. Not sure if you've noticed  Liberia now having an electricity crisis, with 60% of the power generated being stolen. Critics call it just another Third World power grab

Discussion:  FTC says you shouldn't lend your cell phone to a stranger. Also recommends don't give them your wallet and car keys  Dear Polly, I keep stealing my friends' boyfriends, how do I stop? Also, could you help me change this lightbulb?  ████████████ MSNBC █████████ 8ET ████████████ █████ Discussion ██████████ ████████████ ███████ █████████ █████ ███████ ██████████ Thread ██████ ██████████ ████ ████ █████████ ████████ ██████ █████████ ██████████████ Drink ██████████ ██████████ █████

D'awww:  Touch the bells, go on, touch one  The real Pikachu is actually a possum and has a second chance to raid your garbage  It's Dead Week at Iowa State University, so naturally that means lots of dogs to play with at the campus library. No, really. Woof

Food:  Why do flies suddenly appear every time you open a beer? Just like me, they long to be...drunk like you  The Taco Bell franchise moves one step closer to Demolition Man level domination with new restaurants in Manhattan that serve beer. Enhance your calm, John Spartan  A beer brewed from an old Tasmanian shipwreck? The devil you say
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