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Cold Vase Files, Harley, and Welcome to our Lawn, these are your Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-10-07 to Sat 2018-10-13
Posted by Blythe at 2018-10-30 3:03:20 PM, edited 2018-10-30 3:31:19 PM (1 comment) | Permalink

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548 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Oct 2018 at 3:03 PM (34 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Thanks to all our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!

We love Headline of the Week because we get to highlight the best of the creative, side-ways thinking, insightful, and damn funny headlines we enjoy every day.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your friends as you sit on the driveway and drink beer (or hot cider) while the kids Trick or Treat - and say *this* is Fark.

Check out the NotNewsletter for a few of our favorites, and you're in the right place for all your Headlines of the Week!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-10-07 to Sat 2018-10-13:  Remember when you didn't have to have seatbelts in the back of your cars and your kids could move about as much as they wanted? Seems this guy's all about nostalgia  The Hubble Space Telescope is broken again after a space collision, Mike Nelson wanted for questioning  Either a father married his son, causing a massive sinkhole to open up and swallow them, or TFA's headline is a key example of the importance of Oxford commas  "Hello 911? there are three whales under my boat and I think they want to kill us. I'm so very scared. Help"  A ladder was stolen. Shots rung out. Police take steps. An extension is offered to the man on the roof. He walks out the door  No injuries reported after explosion at Wisconsin ethanol plant. Officials suspect alcohol was involved  Florida police seeking home invader who hit sleeping woman with vase. Finally, one for the cold vase files  ...When the #BLM libs, who were up to no good / Started making trouble with my livelihood / I'd shot *one* little kid, and the town got scared / I said, "Undo my application to be a cop in Bellaire"  Man sets new Guinness World Record for number of walnuts cracked with his head in one minute. Still wonder why aliens have never contacted this planet?  sllafretaw gnisahc og t'nod

Sports:  Indians, Braves and Redskins all lose on Columbus Day. Really, what did you expect?  Football analyst says the Philadelphia Eagles should abstain from sex. And no, he didn't just say they should stop sucking  If the Death Penalty has any meaning in college sports, Louisville just carted itself into the execution chamber and put all the needles in. FINISH THEM  Headline ignores the proper tense

Geek:  Voyager 2 showing telltale signs that it may be following Matthew McConaughey into interstellar space  Maybe the reason you should attempt no landing on Europa is that its surface has jagged, blade-like ice structures on it set to rip a lander apart  We've reached the part of the movie where there are three astronauts stranded in orbit while the world descends into chaos. Sandra Bullock is on standby  Neuroscientists create most detailed map ever of hippocampus, and are astonished at the number of dining halls

Entertainment:  *knock knock knock* Harley. *knock knock knock* Harley. *knock knock knock* Harley  Three cells the bassist for Three Doors Down

Politics:  Millennials could transform the political landscape if they did this one secret trick every few years. You won't believe how simple it is  Conservative commentator Max Boot calls for America to give the Republican party the.. uh.. thing that goes on your foot. Has a heel. And straps. Can't think of the word  ♫ Brave brave, Sir Ted Cruz, brought forth from Canada ♫ When Beto reared his ugly head, Sir Ted Cruz turned his tail and fled ♫ A Town Hall debate came about, Sir Ted Cruz bravely chickened out ♫ Brave brave brave, Sir Ted Cruz ♫  Minnesota State lawmaker snatches a microphone from the hands of his female challenger during a debate. But, in his defense, she WAS being uppity at the time, and contradicting him  Conservatives are now turning on Taylor Swift. In a few months, though, she'll dump them and write a smash hit song about the experience  Gorsuch to Kavanaugh: "Dude, pump the brakes"  Today, in further proof that the Democrats are the party of criminals

Business:  Best Buy: "Welcome to our lawn"  That story about Chinese spy devices found on Supermicro motherboards has the tainty aftertaste of stock price manipulation  This is how Marvin developed depression  "Trade wars are good, and easy to win"

Discussion:  Isaac Asimov's First Law of Robotics: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. But what if the robot is a BDSM sex robot? What then, smart guy?

D'awww:  I'm classically trained  FTA: "We don't know anybody who knows a llama personally and definitely no one who gave us blank pictures of a llama as a wedding invitation." Damn llamas, man. They're always at the center of mail-theft rings

Food:  This is a side thread  If you have ever been a chef at Medieval times this maybe your dream job  Burger King will now let you buy a hundred chicken nuggets for $10. Just let my family know I died doing something I loved  "Detroit's Beer Experiment, a collaboration between seven local breweries, all will incorporate signature Faygo flavors into each one of their beer..." No word on magnets  Ben & Jerry's has a cemetery for discontinued flavors, giving its customers a chance to pay their respects to fallen favorites. No word if there is an ice creamatorium
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1 Comment     (+0 »)
2018-10-30 11:26:44 PM  
Apparently I can only get a HOTW nod if I put a reference in to some show that used to be on the SyFy channel.
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