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Pudding, dry hurricane, and Faceboo, these are the Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-09-23 to Sat 2018-09-29
Posted by Blythe at 2018-10-09 10:14:48 AM, edited 2018-10-09 1:03:32 PM (2 comments) | Permalink

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603 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Oct 2018 at 1:11 PM (36 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Thanks as always to our amazing submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us highlight the headlines that make us think, twist our brain with a new perspective, and make us laugh.  The kinds of headlines you can share at parties or over coffee the next morning, and say "*this* is Fark".  

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-09-23 to Sat 2018-09-29:  Three drunk men, three drunk men / See what they done, see what they done / They all jumped onto a motorbike / A bus came along and hit 'em just right / Have you ever seen such a sight in your life / As three drunk men  There once was a cruise to Nantucket, which isn't as thrilling as Phuket. I met an old bloke, but he had a stroke, and then was evac'ed in a bucket  Russia downgrades rhetoric from "death to Israel" to "anybody could accidentally shoot down the wrong plane"  Mom leaves 4-year-old home to party. Yeah, break out the crayons and applesauce, oh, the mom went partying, okay never mind  Last week it turns out you can't pick up hitchikers with the school bus, this week we learn it's a bad idea to let the kids drive. Seems like there's no fun in being a school bus driver any more  National Sexual Assault Hotline gets a 57% spike in calls after Kavanaugh allegations, and some of them aren't even about him  LAPD to crack down on Skid Row voter fraud, potentially putting out a Warrant for a Motley Crue of Ratts who are putting Poison in our democracy. Hopefully, this won't cause a Quiet Riot  They're puddin' Cosby away for 3 to 10  Bowling balls are being thrown at cars in St. Louis. Authorities hope to charge the person under the "three strikes" law, spare them no mercy  Just been out driving. Was wondering why everyone was angrily sounding their horns at me while swerving and swearing all over the place. Back home, and only now have I learned an important life hack tip from Meghan. Thanks, Princess. I owe you  American Bar Association decides Kavanaugh has been overserved  Okay, which one of you Farkers has been running mad libs search and replace on Peruvian election stories?  Hurricane Rosa upgraded to Category 4; may travel inland as far as Phoenix. That's in Arizona, though, so it'll be a dry hurricane  Lesbian hearing loss epidemic sweeping the country  Faceboo force Belgia politicia t chang hi nam t Anu  Always pb prepared  Man steals 13 automatic gate openers. Police say he's probably fencing them

Sports:  Socialist Seattle gets private investors to pay for its new sports arena instead of taxpayers  Welcome to Week 4 Power Rankings, where nothing makes sense and the points don't matter  Butt hurt

Geek:  Thieves steal $20,000 worth of GPS trackers. Any guesses how they were caught?  Great, now the solution to every problem is to build a wall  New drug dramatically lowers heart attack risks. To be marketed as Salmonsweatfishburpalox  How the Mobius strip eschered in a new branch of mathematics  Archaeologists discover ancient Roman-era villa in Memphis including ritual altars, purification basins, and a complete collection of Elvis records

Entertainment:  Wiseau serious?  Gary Numan's tour bus involved in fatal accident. Perhaps if they had been in another type of vehicle, one where he could feel safest of all  New Comics (9/26): 1960s Star Trek meets 1980s Transformers. This should average out to 1970s Megatron in a girdle and a toupee, but check subby's math on that  Listen, kid. I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to write a Veronica Mars script that lasts for 48 minutes  Office supplies from failed Scranton business go up for auction  Give Nic Cage a chainsaw without control and you get his new film, oh "Mandy." And you thrilled me and saved me from boredom, and the Cage trifecta's in play, oh "Mandy"

Politics:  A second allegation, piloted by Ronan Farrow and Jane Mayer, has hit the Kavanaugh nomination  Avenatti: There is another  Faced with allegations he exposed himself, Kavanaugh says he'll stick it out  Besieged by attack ads, Cramer goes on the offensive, touting economic successes, the Manssiere, and the coffee table book that turns into a coffee table  Rosenstein appears to be less fired than initially believed. Wants out of the cart. Feels happy  Я/The_Donaldski  The FBI is investigating Lincoln's hat. Why not Ford's claims? Maybe it has something to do with her theater  Trump "Trade Wars are Easy." Macron "Pas si vite"  They are going to force it  Poll: GOP women withdraw consent  Avenatti vs. Graham. Round one. Fight  It would only take approximately one Mooch, so why not do the FBI investigation?  Politics in the US are "boofed"  American Bar Association says there should be an FBI investigation of Kavanaugh. America's Bars Association says if he withdraws, he can be their beer spokesman  Trump's NAFTA isn't NA, won't be F, and has a distinct lack of A

Business:  Aurora Cannabis is becoming the Berkshire Hathaway OF WEED, gives new, like, meaning to buffet, man  Five answers to questions about the SurveyMonkey IPO  Play stupid games, win stupid prizes - the Musk/Tesla edition

Discussion:  The rise of social media proves everyone who uses the platforms actively are narcissists. Oh, sure, make it all about me  The "35 Most Frequently Banned Books" list is out. Also known as "Your kid won't read? Show them this list" list  No. Yes. I MEAN YES GODDAMMIT I DON'T KNOW

D'awww:  Otterly aware  Well, there's your problem. You got an owl stuck in your grill

Food:  "How can I make my tiny kitchen work for me?" Just give it some thyme and you'll grow to love it  The FDA and industry are coming together to ask, what is yogurt? Baby don't eat me, baby don't eat me no more
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2 Comments     (+0 »)
2018-10-09 04:05:54 PM  
In before... EVERTHING!

Muuuahahahahahahahaahahahaha!! Suck it seconders and thirdsers!
2018-10-10 01:37:06 AM  
A Headline of the Week thread within a month of the actual headlines being posted. It's as if the mods actually care now.
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