Skip to content
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Littoral combat ship, It belongs in a museum, and Maybe tell them anger has glutens? It's your Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-09-16 to Sat 2018-09-22
Posted by Blythe at 2018-10-02 10:53:16 AM, edited 2018-10-02 11:53:07 AM (2 comments) | Permalink

•       •       •

1582 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2018 at 10:53 AM (37 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Thanks to all our fantastic submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  Take an extra look at Food and D'awww this week - thanks submitters for making even these tabs funny!  

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us highlight the headlines that make us think, make us look at the world sideways, and make us laugh - the kinds of headlines you can share with friends around the BBQ, and say "*this* is Fark".  

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-09-16 to Sat 2018-09-22:  With no hurricanes or explosions, Cape Cod bets on fatal shark attack for tourism exposure  Baby walkers still sending thousands of kids to ER despite warnings from Jon Snow  Baby born with four legs and two penises draws a crowd, two names in the snow  🍄  Mother and daughter in Palo Alto pushed to the ground and robbed. Police are on the lookout for...Vash the Stampede. No word on a $66,000,000 reward  *Nintendo Life's social media manager reads about Stormy Daniels* "Oh no, what have I done"  Girl in good condition after being freed from washing machine. She is reported to be dizzy and missing one sock  Forensic official who was fired after authorities discovered a refrigerated truck with multiple corpses inside now admits there's a second trailer containing 144 bodies, which is literally gross  Good luck, it's behind 7 Boxxies  Quoth the raven, Never have I had a more beguiling profile  This man shares his home with 400 reptiles. He certainly does not suffer from a reptile dysfunction  Ohio deli worker will not be prosciutted for eating $9200 worth of ham  Navy to christen littoral combat ship USS Kansas City on Saturday. The ship is expected to win major battles once every 30 years but lose important skirmishes in its home port on a regular basis. Its main weapon is a gigantic plume of hickory smoke  Ha ha, fark you Pepperidge Farm  Darwin: "Yep. Got another one"

Sports:  Rams sign Ficken kicker; pheasant plucker expected next  Wentz is back. So NOW we will stop sucking and get a second Superbowl. E-A-G-L... I... no. I have to stop lying to myself  If you had Week 2 in the "How long before FanDuel refuses to pay on an NFL bet due to a software glitch" pool, you win and aren't getting paid due to a glitch  NFL player says there's nothing to do in Buffalo. Well, there is one thing  Mission Accomplished

Geek:  Physics phenomenon suggests objects can be two temperatures at once. Subby learned that years ago from the McDLT  Medical advocacy group in turmoil after co-founder is kicked out for anti-vaxxerism, but he claims he's anti-anti-vaxxer, and says that ant-anti-anti-anti-vaxxerism is only pushing the cause of anti-anti-anti-vaxxerism. UNCLE  Terrestrial planet discovered in 40 Eridani A system. 🖖  Oh, nothing. Just aliens playing doorbell ditch  Man challenges 11-year-old boy to real-life rematch after losing in Fortnite -- oh wait, that's actually a murder threat  ♫ ♪ Acne and bacne and pustules and pimples / Whiteheads and blackheads and zits in my dimples / Angry red splotches that each new day brings / These are a few of my favorite things ♪ ♫  Does this fat make me look Cambrian?  US Marshals are on the hunt for libertarian 3D gun and jailbait enthusiast, who is rumored to be hiding in a country with single payer health care and...strict gun laws

Entertainment:  Fonzie upgraded from "Whoaaaa" to "Aaaayyyyeee"  Lethal Weapon 4 has turned 20 years old. Let's take a moment to remember this great movie and absorb the fact that the most controversial thing Mel Gibson did up until this point was make Danny Glover dance like a chicken  You have a broom made of a head and a handle. You replace the head, is it still the same broom? Yes, it is. A few years later you replace the handle. Is it still the same broom? Yup. Now replace the word 'broom' with the band 'KISS'  It belongs in a museum

Politics:  GOP Senator complains about Democrats withholding documents related to Kavanaugh hearing. That's the joke  Paging the ACLU. Please pick up the courtesy phone  American voters want the anger to stop, but they just can't stop BEING SO ANGRY. Maybe tell them anger has glutens?  SSRS poll sshows Democrats leading in Ssenate races in Arizona and Tennessee. Ssrsly  Senate approves spending bill that's equivalent to five Jeff Bezoses  In a move totally not analogous to anything, the GOP intends to continue morally objectionable ramming through of Kavanaugh, ignoring the pleas of a woman to stop  This is Penisnn  Curious why Trump asked specifically how Lake Norman in NC did during the storm? I'll give you FORE guesses  Michelle Malkin calls Hollywood supporters of Dr. Ford an unthinking cult, which is strange given how many times that same insult...oh, wait, "cult"? Never mind  Well, he has to do something when he isn't golfing  Mueller Mulling Meeting Members Moving Millions  Trump at Las Vegas rally: "This is an incredible time for our country. America is winning again." Also Trump at Las Vegas rally: "It is a pretty sad day, isn't it? Don't worry. It's all going to get better. It's all going to get better"  McConnell says he will "plow right through" Christine Blasey Ford's testimony to get to confirmation. GOP not big on consent of the other party  Rep. Jim Knoblach (R- MN) abruptly cancels his re-election campaign, but hopefully not to spend time with his family  Well, it looks like the hearing is set and the two sides will finally-- OH MY GOD THAT'S MICHAEL AVENATTI'S MUSIC

Business:  Coca-Cola is eyeing the cannabis market. It's the real thing, man  You picked a fine time to leave me, loose brake pedal  Both Comcast and Fox want to purchase broadcaster Sky UK. And they're settling it with a game of rock, paper, lawyers  Sooooo, who should we root for here?

Discussion:  Creativity on demand is a vital skill for good writers; the ability to come up with ideas at a moment's notice without waiting for the muse to strike. Which is probably why I don't have a witty headline today. This is your Fark Writer's Thread  Do you think Van Halen's opening act ever thought to ask for all the brown M&Ms Van Halen insisted be picked out of theirs?  Since we're talking about women's control over their own bodies lately...any of you Farketts have surgery lately?

D'awww:  Wild horses weren't dragged away by Florence  Globe pulled from bear's head. Oh bother  Snoring seal Sammy snuffles sonorously, snoozing serenely In Scottish sea  ♪♫ A horse is a horse, of course, of course, an no one can be sued by a horse of course ♪♫  No, you're not having DT's: this really is a pink elephant. Okay, considering this is Fark maybe you are, but that's still a pink elephant  Eighty-seven teams from across the nation are competing to see who is top dog at the National Police Dog Trials. None of them will fall for your fake throw  Did you know that giant pandas have a vocal repertoire that includes more than a dozen distinct grunts, barks and squeaks? Which probably all mean "leave me alone"

Food:  Hey Google, what wine pairs well with glazed?  Bowls Bowls BOWLS  🍑🥦🍍🍅🥒➡🗑  Are there any breakfast cereals that are good for you, or does totally avoiding them go against the grain?  Vegan woman posts to Facebook after cafe serves oat milk in jug with cow udders. Well, how do you think they milk the oats  It's not delivery; it's de Army
· · ·

2 Comments     (+0 »)
2018-10-02 12:34:26 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
2018-10-02 12:42:09 PM  
Displayed 2 of 2 comments

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

In Other Media
Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.