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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-08-26 to Sat 2018-09-01
Posted by Blythe at 2018-09-20 2:37:45 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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posted to Main » on 20 Sep 2018 at 2:37 PM (39 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-08-26 to Sat 2018-09-01:  This isn't Mission Impossible and you're not Tom Cruise. But here, have a Darwin Award  Pope and change?  Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak  A week after we were all told that the best amount of alcohol is no alcohol we've reached the bargaining stage  Lizards and alligators stolen from PA pet shop. Suspect is described as wearing a gray suit with a red bow tie and mumbling about his stolen bike  Biden delivers moving eulogy for McCain. If McCain were alive today, he'd probably say, well, I guess he'd say "Let me the f*ck out of this casket," but still. Beautiful eulogy  Naked man leads police on foot chase after abandoning stolen truck. Suspect will no doubt be taken for a psychiatric hold, since everyone could clearly see the guy's nuts  Scientists declare that children should be kept in rear-facing car seats for as long as possible. *sigh* Look, last week you were saying to *not* leave them in the car. Make up your damn minds already  Crack epidemic along California's Highway 1  What do U.S. diplomats and Hot Pockets have in common?

Sports:  Catholic Boy runs unmolested to victory at the Travers  Who were the 2018 NFL preseason's top breakout performers, and what is their secret to getting the ball to bounce above the wall against the ceiling smashing bricks?  Browns defensive coordinator says CB Denzel Ward's back injury was caused by "stupid tackling." Other members of the defensive team immediately ask "What's tackling?"  Collusion case will go to trial

Geek:  }}: (  Asteroid, corner pocket  World's oldest blockchain has been published in a newspaper's classified section since 1995. If you're older, a blockchain is a verifiable ledger. If you're younger, a newspaper is a portable website that doesn't work in the rain  Goodyear launches Wingfoot Three in its fleet of semirigid dirigibles, to follow up Two and One. Still essentially the same Zeppelin, but with a bit more of an acoustic edge and an emphasis on composition

Entertainment:  Pee Wee Herman (aka Paul Reubens) turn SIXTY SIXXXXXXXX today (I meant to do that)  Louis CK whips out first standup since scandal. Audience too stunned to react, but Louis seemed satisfied  Answer to the nagging question of why Thanos didn't *SPOILER* before *SPOILER* when he clearly *SPOILER*. Hint: *SPOILER*

Politics:  Trump's gonna go rogue on Manafort pardon, which is at least a change from his usual burnt umber  OBJECTION The headline question assumes facts not yet in evidence  John McCain's choice of pallbearers causes the US Navy to consider creating a new medal for Epic Trolling in the Line of Duty  I don't think I shall ever see / an outfit as fancy to plant a tree. / A $4 grand skirt's not made for toil / Though Louboutin stilettos can aerate the soil. / Melania doesn't want to get her outfit all grubby / All the dirt she has, is on her hubby  Dutch lawmaker proposes "Prophet Mohammed" drawing contest. Some people had a problem with this, and one of them was arrested. Image not available  Mynd yøu, bøtnëts can be prettï nastï  Reality Winner thanks reality loser  That's a mighty long list of ingredients for a Nothingburger. The evidence list for Manafort's upcoming trial is 34 pages long  Another day, another guilty plea, another cooperating witness. Now Mueller is just padding his stats  Trump supporter wanders around outside Google asking if anyone wants to comment on why Google, Facebook and YouTube are silencing conservative voices and he broadcast the entire incident on Facebook live  John McCain's daughter had a few things to say about someone at his funeral, not sure who

Business:  Wall Street: Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy Fall  There are no good e-cigs for kids, only Juul  Diver that was called a "pedo" prepares to give Musk a new suit. A libel suit  Uber and Lyft skimp on background checks. To be clear, just for the drivers; they spare no expense profiling the customers

Discussion:  If an unexpected knock on your door makes you want to punch the entire world in the face, you are not alone... which is what you wanted to be in the first place  According to this police department, you should not call them for merely seeing a coyote. Only call them for the following reasons *Meep Meep*  Yesterday, at the doctor's office, I was given a form to fill out and I found a typo in it. I corrected it and handed it back. The doctor looked at me funny, and then gave me a bunch of pills. This is your Fark Writer's Thread, medicated edition  Hey daddy-O, nobody uses these 100 slang terms anymore. Now don't Bogart the article or your face will be cruisin' for a bruisin'

D'awww:  Mother hippo carries her calf across river in her mouth. Hope she's not a hungry, hungry...damn, beaten to the joke by the article headline  How to train a dog to swim, in case you ever go sailing, and your dog disem-barks too soon  Just a collection of dogs being weirdos, because they can't always be saving our dumb asses from fires  Black panther spotted in NSW, shocks woman. Why he was so far away from Wakanda is unclear

Food:  The 50 year reign of the Red "Delicious" as America's favorite apple is over, as Gala takes the top spot. Granny Smith overtakes Fuji for #3, Honeycrisp gaining on Golden Delicious. All this turnover is confusing; can somebody cobble up a pie chart?  New York is just a bowl of Chinese noodles. Everything else you have heard is just a conspiracy of cartographers  In some high-end California restaurants, pot is haute  Mexican city proudly attempts to make a giant Mexican sandwich. Wait, that doesn't look like a taco
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