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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-29 to Sat 2018-08-04, drone attacks, Johnny alouette, moving goalposts, Muppets, and cheese. Mmmmm, cheese
Posted by Blythe at 2018-08-22 12:23:16 PM (0 comments) | Permalink

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729 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Aug 2018 at 2:00 PM (46 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome to Headline of the Week from the first week of August!  Sorry for the delay, there were so many fun and really clever headlines that we had a tougher time than usual narrowing down our choices. So, without further ado, here are your Headlines of the Week!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-29 to Sat 2018-08-04:  Carr Fire has left 6 dead and 40 thousand evacuating their homes. Goddamn Pintos  Imprisoned Ex-Pakistani PM Sharif moved to hospital amid election shenanigans, proving that Pakistan remains a font of corruption sans Sharif  What's orange, smells, spews unchecked discharge, promised jobs that aren't there, and ruined the environment?  Can't they just arrest San Francisco's Palace of Fine Arts? They know it's guilty, they know where it's located, and it couldn't have hidden the gun very far away  The Forest Grove Police Log: Fish heads, methamphetamines, misuse of 911, and a welfare check with a happy outcome. It's like Florida in the Northwest  Runaway wheel sparks four different fires on highway. Driver says it picked a fine time to leave him  Thieves motorboat Swedish crown jewels. Insert your own prepositions, verbs and take it from there  Fishing crew catches all-blue crab. Captain reminds them to use protection next time  Looks like Pope Francis just excommunicated Texas  Australia retroactively eliminates anonymity for sperm donations, surprising a lot of wankers  Mississippi police seek man for Walmart assaults. No experience necessary. Apply now  Kurdish mathematician wins prestigious Fields medal, which is promptly stolen from him in n hours where n is a real number less than 1.0  Man turns Porsche Cayenne into a convertible, complete with faux wood paneling on the sides. Faces execution if he ever sets foot in Stuttgart  Come to Portland they said. It'll be a riot  Confederate cash, flags, and more found inside Beauregard monument time capsule. Jeff Sessions angrily demands his foot locker back  When a fish bites your heel and it looks like an eel, that's a moray  Damn. Sorry I meant DAM  But I thought there's always room for cello  Venezuelan President Maduro survives drone attack during speech. Man, Amazon is really getting aggressive with their deliveries  Yes, there's a world record for the largest privet maze ever constructed, after money for construction came from investors' hedge fund (w/video)

Sports:  What are the odds anyone cares what Pete Rose thinks about the current state of baseball?  ♫ Root root root for the home team, but if they're behind that's a shame. So here comes the science to help us decide when to leave the game ♫  Alouette, Johnny alouette

Geek:  German scientists say multilingual liars are more convincing lying in their second language because their mother tongue has emotional ties that hamper being a believable liar. Which probably means my relationship with my Bavarian paramour may not be on solid ground  Dropbox in trouble with academics for telling the world their folder structure includes /home/important science/really brainy stuff/go back/not useful/warning sleestack/highly contagious/happy hour/clown pron  OK, userbase, if you're so smart about web browsers, YOU tell us what color the logo should be  Remember when Red Leader's X-Wing got shot down and crashed into the surface of the Death Star? This is like that, only it's video of two meteorites hitting the Moon a couple of days apart  The UK has employed secret beavers to help with their sploosh problems. Daaaaaaam

Entertainment:  Beach Boy and his wife arrested on domestic violence charge. No, not that one. Or that one. Or that one. Look, you won't know him, but apparently he's been in the band for a long time  We are Groot  Heathcliff is the worst romantic hero in fiction. I would have picked Disney's Robin Hood, but if cats are your thing, go do you  A*l*a*n A*l*d*a announces he has Parkinson's  Jerry Garcia, member of the legendary one-hit-wonder band Grateful Dead, would have been 76 today  Matt Healy claims no big bands are "doing anything as interesting as The 1975." Couple of things here, specifically "Who?" and "Who?"  Look, you told them to get out of the basement and find a hobby. It's really kind of your fault when you stop and think about it

Politics:  Rudy Giuliani: Goalposts? I don't see any goalposts. How can I be moving goalposts if there have never been any goalposts there to move?  ʇɹoɟɐuɐW lnɐԀ  Zimbabwe President Manangagwa seeks full term in country's first after-coup election, faces criticism for not using the Muppet's Doo Doo da Doo Doo song as his campaign theme  Dem group to Puerto Ricans: Hey, were you blown off the island and forced to resettle in the States due to Maria and Trump's pathetic response to it? Just wanted to remind you that you can vote in November wherever you're living now-just sayin'  TRE45ON  Russian spy Maria Butina ordered an America CEO to send cash to Moscow for treasons unknown  I can't stand it, Trump planned it. The Obamacare fate? Lower rates. But Donny can't stand winning when Barry might be grinning. So while you sit back and wonder why premiums are sky high. Oh my God it's a mirage. I'm tellin' y'all it's a sabotage  Government to ACLU: FINE. YOU care so much about these kids and their parents that WE separated, YOU figure out how to reunite them  In the unlikeliest news to come out of the whole 'President is a secret Russian stooge' scandal.... We've found a Russian who can't hold her liquor  FBI: ------ ----- ------- ----- - ----- --------- --- ----- Christopher Steele ---- --------- ---- ---- -------- ----- --------- ------ ------

Business:  We still don't have flying cars and we still don't have autonomous cars and hybrids are 3% of the car market, but companies are working on hybrid autonomous flying cars just to tease us all  Midwestern chain tells Hawaiians to stop using 'Aloha' with 'Poke.' Quick, someone in Texas trademark 'Chicago' combined with 'pizza.'  Hanes stock drops nearly 20%, should rebound on news that its investors all need new underwear  Cupertino shelves proposed 'head tax' on Apple employees for now, preferring to keep its tax base off an infinite loop  Jeff Bezos is concerned about the cost of getting your package handled. This is not a TSA related article  Fight sexual harassment with this one weird trick: Just hire more women  "Papa" John Schnatter says that if Papa Johns lets him come back, he can explain his comments, in terms that even a Polack or a drunken Irishman can understand  Many economists seem unclear on how a kleptocracy works, or maybe they're just idiots  Deutsche Bank still doesn't know who it's been laundering money for, but they'll happily continue to do so

Discussion:  Am I the only one who after posting something to Fark is compelled to check hourly to see if I've gotten any smarts or funnies, or greens? I can't be the only one can I?  All your coworkers' weird behavior, explained. Including hiding porn above the ceiling tiles and giving out hot cocoa sampler boxes  World's shortest article: Is cheese bad for you? No  Saturdays are too boring. Chicago pizza is the best pizza, Memphis has the best BBQ, it's called "pop" you ignorant Southerners, the Beatles were a boy band, and Apple really is superior to Android. Oh, and tipping is for losers, HOAs are great
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