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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-22 to Sat 2018-07-28
Posted by Blythe at 2018-08-08 10:44:17 AM (1 comment) | Permalink

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657 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2018 at 10:50 AM (48 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Thank you to all our submitters, and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  Main and Politics had the most greenlit headlines, and quite a few gems -- but the rest of the tabs had so many fun and funny headlines it was hard to choose.  We took a few extra!  Do yourself a favor and check out Geek, Entertainment, and Business from this week, and Sports and Discussion too!

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us showcase the headlines that make us think, make us look at the story sideways, make us appreciate some clever wordplay, and most of all make us laugh.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your boss, your professor, your partner, and the person at the bar / coffee shop next to you -- and say *this* is Fark.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-22 to Sat 2018-07-28:  The Lion doesn't sleep tonight when you pose next to it for a photo. Of course a lawsuit is only a whim-a-way (possible nsfw content on page)  Boy, 14, harpoons himself through eye, public sends Get Whale Soon wishes  Beverly Hills cops are cracking down on electric scooters. To be fair, with a wheelbase that small, those axels get an F for safety  Suspect tries to hide from police in dryer, gets Bounced  Body found at base of cliff near Mount Rushmore. The only four witnesses remain stone-faced  Facebook bans Rubens over naked paintings. Stupid Flanders  Woman demands Muslim-looking man be removed from flight  Japanese town overrun with ninjas. Nobody saw it coming  Six Flags, seven ounces  Pawnshop: "We're going to start asking the customers to play the violins to make sure that we know it's theirs." Subby: "So much for me pawning my sex toys"

Sports:  Scottish joke soccer score finally happens - East Fife 4 Forfar 5  Washington Strasburgs place Strasburg on the strasburg list due to strasburged strasburg  BREAKING: Aaron Judge's wrist  "Don't expect a winning season from the Redskins." Way ahead of you there, buddy

Geek:  A topological Josephson junction can host two zero-energy Majorana bound states at its interfaces if the time reversal symmetry is broken  Man solves the over or under toilet paper roll conundrum by getting both sides to hate him  Here's why robots can't make a catchy tune that will be popular around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world  Cancer patients who seek out alternative medicine instead of established therapies are more likely to find alternatives to aging  New Facebook demographic analysis says you're more likely "older, female, higher income earners, married and ideologically liberal." They forgot "Russian, bot, gullible, fake, and your reactionary Uncle Fred"  50 dinosaur footprints discovered on Scotland's Isle of Skye. Apparently sauropods liked Talisker  Remember the recent article saying eating fats makes you fat but sugar doesn't? According to these studies eating fats doesn't make you fat and helps you live longer while sugar is killing you and you'll be fat the whole time you're dying  Amazon's new facial recognition software misidentified 28 members of Congress as criminals. So... it's working?  ESShoring heh myhoyial ahrk ATter of heh hywuh ouwff  The edges of black holes may be fuzzy balls of string further proving that god is a cat

Entertainment:  David Bowie's first demo found in a breadbasket by a member of his first band. He hopes it sells for a lot as he needs the dough  Color Me Arrestedd  Shaq, shark. Shark, Shaq  Remember that crazy MTV VJ and host of TRL Jesse Camp? Good, because he's been reported missing and Police need help locating him  Here's every Stephen King Easter Egg from Castle Rock, which is not, in fact, a modern remake of Fraggle Rock set in a coastal Maine town as originally expected, so don't watch with your toddler. [WARNING: SPOILERS]  He finally got his...satisfaction...he finally got his...girly action...cuz he tried..and he tried...and he tried...and he tried...YES, he got his....satisfaction. Mick Jagger turns 75 today. Enjoy these photos of Mick through the years  ♪ ♫ Here he comes / Walking down the street / Had a bit of a heart scare / But now he's got it beat ♫ ♪  CBS head Les Moonves admits to unwanted advances: "I regret people finding out about them immensely" ... er, rather he said "I regret them immensely." Sorry, sometimes it's hard to understand people  ♫ Postal haze, goin' round / Don't know if parcel's up or down / Buy your stamps for the usual fee / And we'll send you junk pretty much cheap as free ♫

Politics:  ISIS claims responsibility for Toronto shooting. At this point, the only mass terror incident they haven't taken credit for is the Trump administration  Facebook ducks and dodges like the last kid remaining in dodgeball when asked about Russian meddling in upcoming election and what they will do about it  The TV remote wasn't in the prenup  Fox does everything it can to prevent people from seeing an honest source of news

Business:  Target takes over the old CBGB space. The music's worse but the bathrooms are cleaner  The surprise success of the Opel nameplate either says something good about Peugeot, who bought it a year ago, or something bad about GM, who owned it for almost 90 years before that  The latest trouble for Uber: vomit fraud. It's not like you can just dust for vomit  Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kvikk Lunsj bar  Mie city apologizes for NPR-fueled mixup that resulted in hundreds of ninjas applying for jobs and offering assassination services. They could use code ninjas, planning ninjas, and advertising ninjas, but not so much ninja ninjas  UK supermarket chain Aldi will deliver good spirits to your door. And Jack Daniels, too  Twitter it's now your turn to come on down and play, "Whose stock is tanking now?"  MoviePass seems to be having a spot of trouble with the old "lose money on every transaction and make it up in volume" business model  Millennials think beer is 'icky', prefer their wine & booze. Breweries entering "DefCon IPA" mode

Discussion:  23 signs you might be too negative. Like this thread will really be greenlit  Given how long the show's been on and the lifespan of Great Danes, the gang must be on their fourth or fifth Scooby-Doo by now. Do you think Fred and Velma and Daphne just swap a new one in each time without telling Shaggy?  "Airports are places where high security and order are paramount to safety so, really, no alcohol should be allowed whatsoever"  Is there a popular show you despise and find unforgivably stupid, but can't help watching just for the sheer joy of hating it? Tell us about it. Let's hate it together  "How can I convince my child there are NO GODDAMNED MONSTERS HIDING IN THE BEDROOM? I might be a bit sleep deprived"
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1 Comment     (+0 »)
2018-08-08 07:57:39 PM  
Is this the thread where you can post whatever you want for testing purposes  and nobody sees it?

Ahem... I haven't spoken with my dad in 15 years.
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