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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-01 to Sat 2018-07-07. Sunbathing at weddings, Hunter Tess Thompson, tornado suspect, and Instagraaaaaaa
Posted by Blythe at 2018-07-17 11:01:56 AM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1369 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2018 at 11:26 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Thanks to all our submitters, and thanks to our TotalFark voters. Main was the standout this week - exceptional puns, awesome context headlines, unique spins on the stories, and just damn funny.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your 'other' social media, and tell them *this* is Fark.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-01 to Sat 2018-07-07:  Happy Canada Day to all the Canadian Farkers out there. We all know that you are all not eh-holes  $1 million nationwide warrant issued for suspect in beheading death, as police warn he could beheading anywhere  Huge Helen Keller archive reveals details about her life previously unheard of and never seen before  Bucking the worldwide trend, Mexico doesn't elect an idiot for president  Because weddings happen all the time, but the sun only comes out once a decade in Britain  News anchor: "And now we go live to breaking news, with a potential terror attack occurring in this very studio. Over to you, random person breaking into our set"  It's not news because a woman killed a black giraffe and sparked outrage on the internet. It's Fark for being referred to in article as "Hunter Tess Thompson"  UFO spotted. Pilot clearly visible  5-ton tractor missing from Montana farm. Suspect described as tornado  Pair of women help alligator cross busy street in Orlando. No word if either of them was wearing crocs (with video)  Local church holds undocumented migrant family in chain link detention pen  Woman with bone sticking out of leg begs bystanders to not call ambulance, out of fear of the cost. This is why the rest of the world looks at us funny  Man washes up on Florida beach. I guess he missed his shower that morning  So long and thanks for all the dead fish  One, two, three, four - I declare a trade war  Daredevil drinks a few beers, scales high building, sits on edge, posts Instagraaaaaaa

Sports:  Lakers' Ball has torn meniscus. Who knew that balls had meniscuses  29 NBA teams to change their name to the Washington Generals in 2019  Irish open underway as Rory, Graeme (pronounced Gray-eem) and Padraig tee it up at Ballyliffin. Subby thought he had a stroke while writing this headline  The 2018-2019 Warriors are officially more loaded than the Monstars were in Space Jam

Geek:  It isn't a planet until it gets out of the star's womb  We know what smacked Uranus sideways, and it wasn't that creepy guy from accounts receivable  The fête of civilization was at steak  1/5. Thanks, Mom

Entertainment:  Journalists refuse to go on The Spice Rack  IN A WORLD...where most movie studios make dumbass move after dumbass move... Sony Pictures STANDS... head and shoulders above the rest. Coming soon: The movie we accidentally uploaded to Youtube  Rip, Rip, Rip, Ri-Rip, Rip, Rip, Ripelodeon  It's not unusual that Tom Jones doesn't dance anymore. It's not unusual that he barely moves a muscle. It's not unusual because he's 78 years-old and has had a hip operation, oh woah oh oh, oh woah  Comic book legend Steve Ditko dead at 90, probably will return around issue 100

Politics:  Manchurian President Donald Trump wants to Finlandize the United States by giving Russia whatever it wants  If you defend nazis, expect to be shunned. When you're shunned, you start to drink. When you drink, you write rambling op-ed pieces. When you write rambling op-ed pieces, you get mocked on Don't be Alan Dershowitz, don't defend Nazis  Check out Trump's new show, "Let's NOT Make a Deal" or maybe "Let's Fake a Deal"  Trump's lawyer hires Hillary Clinton's lawyer. *checks earpiece* I'm told that's the joke  Service no longer guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more?  DOJ to federal judge: About that July 10th deadline to reunite kids with their families? See, when were yanking families apart, we forgot to give people "kid check" tickets, and nobody likes our "leave a kid, take a kid" idea... so, yeah

Business:  Because when I'm driving down the highway at 70 MPH, I want it to be in a vehicle hand-built during an all-nighter cramfest to meet an arbitrary deadline  US factories report faster-than-expected growth in June, will need to get new pants  New Zealand reports Takata airbag recall effort is "halfway there," but more than 50,000 motorists are still living on a prayer  Vietnam central bank vows to maintain firm dong

Discussion:  Today's forecast: lies, with increasing lying as the briefing continues. Scattered pockets of contempt and scorn may develop, particularly if the system encounters an April or Brian front coming in from the west. This is your WH Briefing. 3:45 EDT  It's the 50th anniversary of the Every Sperm is Sacred doctrine. How will you be celebrating?  Merriam Webster shares the difference between "pore over," "pour over," and... "comb over"  The 25 sexiest boy band videos of all time. Glad you came
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