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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-01 to Sat 2018-07-07. Sunbathing at weddings, Hunter Tess Thompson, tornado suspect, and Instagraaaaaaa
Posted by Blythe at 2018-07-17 11:01:56 AM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1325 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2018 at 11:26 AM (39 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Thanks to all our submitters, and thanks to our TotalFark voters. Main was the standout this week - exceptional puns, awesome context headlines, unique spins on the stories, and just damn funny.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your 'other' social media, and tell them *this* is Fark.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-07-01 to Sat 2018-07-07:

img.fark.net  Happy Canada Day to all the Canadian Farkers out there. We all know that you are all not eh-holes

img.fark.net  $1 million nationwide warrant issued for suspect in beheading death, as police warn he could beheading anywhere

img.fark.net  Huge Helen Keller archive reveals details about her life previously unheard of and never seen before

img.fark.net  Bucking the worldwide trend, Mexico doesn't elect an idiot for president

img.fark.net  Because weddings happen all the time, but the sun only comes out once a decade in Britain

img.fark.net  News anchor: "And now we go live to breaking news, with a potential terror attack occurring in this very studio. Over to you, random person breaking into our set"

img.fark.net  It's not news because a woman killed a black giraffe and sparked outrage on the internet. It's Fark for being referred to in article as "Hunter Tess Thompson"

img.fark.net  UFO spotted. Pilot clearly visible

img.fark.net  5-ton tractor missing from Montana farm. Suspect described as tornado

img.fark.net  Pair of women help alligator cross busy street in Orlando. No word if either of them was wearing crocs (with video)

img.fark.net  Local church holds undocumented migrant family in chain link detention pen

img.fark.net  Woman with bone sticking out of leg begs bystanders to not call ambulance, out of fear of the cost. This is why the rest of the world looks at us funny

img.fark.net  Man washes up on Florida beach. I guess he missed his shower that morning

img.fark.net  So long and thanks for all the dead fish

img.fark.net  One, two, three, four - I declare a trade war

img.fark.net  Daredevil drinks a few beers, scales high building, sits on edge, posts Instagraaaaaaa


Sports:

img.fark.net  Lakers' Ball has torn meniscus. Who knew that balls had meniscuses

img.fark.net  29 NBA teams to change their name to the Washington Generals in 2019

img.fark.net  Irish open underway as Rory, Graeme (pronounced Gray-eem) and Padraig tee it up at Ballyliffin. Subby thought he had a stroke while writing this headline

img.fark.net  The 2018-2019 Warriors are officially more loaded than the Monstars were in Space Jam


Geek:

img.fark.net  It isn't a planet until it gets out of the star's womb

img.fark.net  We know what smacked Uranus sideways, and it wasn't that creepy guy from accounts receivable

img.fark.net  The fête of civilization was at steak

img.fark.net  1/5. Thanks, Mom


Entertainment:

img.fark.net  Journalists refuse to go on The Spice Rack

img.fark.net  IN A WORLD...where most movie studios make dumbass move after dumbass move... Sony Pictures STANDS... head and shoulders above the rest. Coming soon: The movie we accidentally uploaded to Youtube

img.fark.net  Rip, Rip, Rip, Ri-Rip, Rip, Rip, Ripelodeon

img.fark.net  It's not unusual that Tom Jones doesn't dance anymore. It's not unusual that he barely moves a muscle. It's not unusual because he's 78 years-old and has had a hip operation, oh woah oh oh, oh woah

img.fark.net  Comic book legend Steve Ditko dead at 90, probably will return around issue 100


Politics:

img.fark.net  Manchurian President Donald Trump wants to Finlandize the United States by giving Russia whatever it wants

img.fark.net  If you defend nazis, expect to be shunned. When you're shunned, you start to drink. When you drink, you write rambling op-ed pieces. When you write rambling op-ed pieces, you get mocked on Fark.com. Don't be Alan Dershowitz, don't defend Nazis

img.fark.net  Check out Trump's new show, "Let's NOT Make a Deal" or maybe "Let's Fake a Deal"

img.fark.net  Trump's lawyer hires Hillary Clinton's lawyer. *checks earpiece* I'm told that's the joke

img.fark.net  Service no longer guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more?

img.fark.net  DOJ to federal judge: About that July 10th deadline to reunite kids with their families? See, when were yanking families apart, we forgot to give people "kid check" tickets, and nobody likes our "leave a kid, take a kid" idea... so, yeah


Business:

img.fark.net  Because when I'm driving down the highway at 70 MPH, I want it to be in a vehicle hand-built during an all-nighter cramfest to meet an arbitrary deadline

img.fark.net  US factories report faster-than-expected growth in June, will need to get new pants

img.fark.net  New Zealand reports Takata airbag recall effort is "halfway there," but more than 50,000 motorists are still living on a prayer

img.fark.net  Vietnam central bank vows to maintain firm dong


Discussion:

img.fark.net  Today's forecast: lies, with increasing lying as the briefing continues. Scattered pockets of contempt and scorn may develop, particularly if the system encounters an April or Brian front coming in from the west. This is your WH Briefing. 3:45 EDT

img.fark.net  It's the 50th anniversary of the Every Sperm is Sacred doctrine. How will you be celebrating?

img.fark.net  Merriam Webster shares the difference between "pore over," "pour over," and... "comb over"

img.fark.net  The 25 sexiest boy band videos of all time. Glad you came
· · ·

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