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Doing lines with Peppa Pig, leading cows into the ocean for dinner, and digital communication with other drivers; I hereby demand that these are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-05-20 to Sat 2018-05-26
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2018-05-29 11:11:47 AM (4 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog, Pence pees pants, Mario Batali, Peppa Pig, pees pants Pence, pees pants Pens, Peppa Pig voice, North Carolina man, Submitting Links page
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1820 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 May 2018 at 11:22 AM (47 weeks ago) | | share: more»
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Welcome back for another edition of Fark's Headlines of the Week, where you can check out the funniest, most creative, and most context-driven headlines from last week. As usual, another great crop this week, with puns leading the way. A reminder that you can check out some Headline writing tips at the Submitting Links page, where you can get a better idea of what our Admins look for when choosing what to greenlight, as well as what Farkers are looking for when they choose what to vote for. Also, you're more likely to get a green on weekends, especially early in the morning when there aren't as many submissions.
Having said that, to the headlines!
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-05-20 to Sat 2018-05-26:
"Catch Me If You Can" conman caught again. I guess they could
Experts warn people to stop baiting bears, molesting moose, slapping sharks, bothering beavers, teasing terns, etc
It turns out that the opiate of the masses is opiates
Outback Steakhouse - No Rules, Just Fight
Super gonorrhea is spreading like applause across the globe
Gunman still at large following deadly double shooting in Nutbush. Man, that's gotta hurt
Dead humpback whale washes ashore after being tangled in crab pots, as crabs once again prove to be the mortal enemy of a good hump
Llost llama llisted for llow price of $50 to one llucky llad or llady. Don't llollygag - lliteral llimit of one llama
"Mr. Sudal is not and has never been an employee of NOAA Fisheries nor is he formally affiliated with any of the agency's programs." His abs are real, though
Plane crashes at Lookout Pass, witnesses say that's what the pilot was yelling as he glided in
Short circuit allows inmates to escape. Dammit, Johnny 5, stop doing that
North Carolina man rolled his eyes at wife before buying winning lottery ticket, will be paying for it for the rest of his life
A woman is facing charges after she forced a cable repairman to let her perform oral sex on him. He also fixed the cable
Caught smuggling fifteen gallons of smelt, they never got to the "dealt" stage of things
♫ Rocky Raccoon, well he went to his doom, 'cause high voltage isn't surviv'ble ♫ His pelt formed a ground, then the power went down ♫ And his corpse proved to be rather friable ♫
Off-duty officer Castle Doctrines his home from another off-duty officer who happened to be his brother coming by to say hi
Matt Patricia will not be subject to discipline from NFL; coaching Detroit deemed sufficient punishment
As expected, NFL approves new rules on kickoffs, ejections, wearing of silly hats during post-game press conferences
Former American football coach in hot water in Japan for controversial play that led to injury. What kind of American coaches soccer in another country?
Brazilian soccer legend Ronaldinho to wed his fiancees. May score twice in one night for the first time in his life
Colts Coach Reich 'not worried' about Andrew Luck not throwing. Apparently Luck is so good, he doesn't need to ever throw the football. Perhaps they will get him an assistant to throw it for him
CRISPR-edited rice plants produce major pop in grain yield. No word yet on snap or crackle
This device lets you text by waving your finger. You can also communicate with other drivers that way
Scientific efforts are underway to determine if you can change the mind of someone in the Politics Tab
According to cancer experts, no amount of alcohol, sausage or bacon is safe. This is why we should never listen to 'experts'
We can cut greenhouse gas emissions by 99% just by feeding cows seaweed. However, the real trick is getting them to wade into the ocean
To show off their progress in nanorobotics, European scientists build extremely tiny microhouse where it is hoped nanobots can live, roam, watch nano-TV, and scratch their nano-genitals
New sexual misconduct allegations against celebrity chef Mario Batali have the NYPD investigating. Batali's camp claims it's all just a croc
Peppa Pig voice over artist Harley Bird is making £1,000 an hour. But she might want to rephrase when she says she makes that for 'snorting and...doing some lines.'
Donald Glover fans have taken over /r/thedonald, set their sights on /r/The_Donald. He is the hero we need
2TWENTY 8IGHT year old man killed at Drake's restaurant in the 6IX
Captain Kangaroo may be coming back, just as soon as he steals some beer and beats up an Asian man
MGMT annnc 2018 tr dts
I hereby demand that this link be greenlit
It's too bad that U.S.-North Korea summit will probably never happen but it's a good thing we didn't do anything stupid like mint a commemorative coin for it. Wait, we did? Crap
Trump top fundraisers thought "drain the swamp" meant "build a desert"
Pence pees pants worrying how much Trump will give away to Best Korea. Pence pees pants Pence pees pants Pens pee pants Pens peeps pamts Pens peep pans
US has minted a shiny new celebratory coin to mark the summit meeting with Kim Jong-un. Reverse has image of unhatched chickens
Growing sinkhole on White House lawn. Michael Cohen offers $130,000 to shut it up
Federal judge rules Trump can't block users from his Twitter account. Wait, Trump has a Twitter account?
Stoner asked therapist if he's got "the stuff"
Looks like the Russians also hacked thousands of routers, reports Reuters
Yet another powerful Republican says he is stepping down after his term
Russians send team to Singapore for no particular reason
Answer: The macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed, and the chicken tastes like wood
Researchers find that 20% of cryptocurrency offerings may be secretly fraudulent, while the other 80% are pretty open about it
J.C. Penney announces they will now have four CEOs, one for each customer
Ikea recalls SLADDA bicycle due to defective CHÅYN that may cause OWCHEE
The wealthy are hoarding $10 billion Bitcoin in bunkers around the world. Why you would build a bunker to store nothing is unclear
Never confide in scissors. The best you can hope for in return is a cutting remark
How to deal with road rage and make your commute easier, though it would be great if THE ASSHOLE IN THE PASSING LANE WOULD GO ABOVE 70 MPH WHICH IS THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT THE ONE ON THE RIGHT IS THE GAS PEDAL YOU ASSHOLE SONOFABIATCH
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