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Doing lines with Peppa Pig, leading cows into the ocean for dinner, and digital communication with other drivers; I hereby demand that these are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-05-20 to Sat 2018-05-26
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2018-05-29 11:11:47 AM (4 comments) | Permalink

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1870 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 May 2018 at 11:22 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back for another edition of Fark's Headlines of the Week, where you can check out the funniest, most creative, and most context-driven headlines from last week. As usual, another great crop this week, with puns leading the way. A reminder that you can check out some Headline writing tips at the Submitting Links page, where you can get a better idea of what our Admins look for when choosing what to greenlight, as well as what Farkers are looking for when they choose what to vote for. Also, you're more likely to get a green on weekends, especially early in the morning when there aren't as many submissions.

Having said that, to the headlines!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-05-20 to Sat 2018-05-26:  "Catch Me If You Can" conman caught again. I guess they could  Experts warn people to stop baiting bears, molesting moose, slapping sharks, bothering beavers, teasing terns, etc  It turns out that the opiate of the masses is opiates  Outback Steakhouse - No Rules, Just Fight  Super gonorrhea is spreading like applause across the globe  Gunman still at large following deadly double shooting in Nutbush. Man, that's gotta hurt  Dead humpback whale washes ashore after being tangled in crab pots, as crabs once again prove to be the mortal enemy of a good hump  Llost llama llisted for llow price of $50 to one llucky llad or llady. Don't llollygag - lliteral llimit of one llama  "Mr. Sudal is not and has never been an employee of NOAA Fisheries nor is he formally affiliated with any of the agency's programs." His abs are real, though  Plane crashes at Lookout Pass, witnesses say that's what the pilot was yelling as he glided in  Short circuit allows inmates to escape. Dammit, Johnny 5, stop doing that  North Carolina man rolled his eyes at wife before buying winning lottery ticket, will be paying for it for the rest of his life  A woman is facing charges after she forced a cable repairman to let her perform oral sex on him. He also fixed the cable  Caught smuggling fifteen gallons of smelt, they never got to the "dealt" stage of things  ♫ Rocky Raccoon, well he went to his doom, 'cause high voltage isn't surviv'ble ♫ His pelt formed a ground, then the power went down ♫ And his corpse proved to be rather friable ♫  Off-duty officer Castle Doctrines his home from another off-duty officer who happened to be his brother coming by to say hi

Sports:  Matt Patricia will not be subject to discipline from NFL; coaching Detroit deemed sufficient punishment  As expected, NFL approves new rules on kickoffs, ejections, wearing of silly hats during post-game press conferences  Former American football coach in hot water in Japan for controversial play that led to injury. What kind of American coaches soccer in another country?  Brazilian soccer legend Ronaldinho to wed his fiancees. May score twice in one night for the first time in his life  Colts Coach Reich 'not worried' about Andrew Luck not throwing. Apparently Luck is so good, he doesn't need to ever throw the football. Perhaps they will get him an assistant to throw it for him

Geek:  CRISPR-edited rice plants produce major pop in grain yield. No word yet on snap or crackle  This device lets you text by waving your finger. You can also communicate with other drivers that way  Scientific efforts are underway to determine if you can change the mind of someone in the Politics Tab  According to cancer experts, no amount of alcohol, sausage or bacon is safe. This is why we should never listen to 'experts'  We can cut greenhouse gas emissions by 99% just by feeding cows seaweed. However, the real trick is getting them to wade into the ocean  To show off their progress in nanorobotics, European scientists build extremely tiny microhouse where it is hoped nanobots can live, roam, watch nano-TV, and scratch their nano-genitals

Entertainment:  New sexual misconduct allegations against celebrity chef Mario Batali have the NYPD investigating. Batali's camp claims it's all just a croc  Peppa Pig voice over artist Harley Bird is making £1,000 an hour. But she might want to rephrase when she says she makes that for 'snorting and...doing some lines.'  Donald Glover fans have taken over /r/thedonald, set their sights on /r/The_Donald. He is the hero we need  2TWENTY 8IGHT year old man killed at Drake's restaurant in the 6IX  Captain Kangaroo may be coming back, just as soon as he steals some beer and beats up an Asian man  MGMT annnc 2018 tr dts

Politics:  I hereby demand that this link be greenlit  It's too bad that U.S.-North Korea summit will probably never happen but it's a good thing we didn't do anything stupid like mint a commemorative coin for it. Wait, we did? Crap  Trump top fundraisers thought "drain the swamp" meant "build a desert"  Pence pees pants worrying how much Trump will give away to Best Korea. Pence pees pants Pence pees pants Pens pee pants Pens peeps pamts Pens peep pans  US has minted a shiny new celebratory coin to mark the summit meeting with Kim Jong-un. Reverse has image of unhatched chickens  Growing sinkhole on White House lawn. Michael Cohen offers $130,000 to shut it up  Federal judge rules Trump can't block users from his Twitter account. Wait, Trump has a Twitter account?  Stoner asked therapist if he's got "the stuff"  Looks like the Russians also hacked thousands of routers, reports Reuters  Yet another powerful Republican says he is stepping down after his term  Russians send team to Singapore for no particular reason

Business:  Answer: The macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed, and the chicken tastes like wood  Researchers find that 20% of cryptocurrency offerings may be secretly fraudulent, while the other 80% are pretty open about it  J.C. Penney announces they will now have four CEOs, one for each customer  Ikea recalls SLADDA bicycle due to defective CHÅYN that may cause OWCHEE  The wealthy are hoarding $10 billion Bitcoin in bunkers around the world. Why you would build a bunker to store nothing is unclear

Discussion:  Never confide in scissors. The best you can hope for in return is a cutting remark  How to deal with road rage and make your commute easier, though it would be great if THE ASSHOLE IN THE PASSING LANE WOULD GO ABOVE 70 MPH WHICH IS THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT THE ONE ON THE RIGHT IS THE GAS PEDAL YOU ASSHOLE SONOFABIATCH
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2018-05-29 11:47:40 AM  
David Cameron Paperpig
Youtube YxoflAw0Uvw
2018-05-29 12:01:34 PM  
"Paint on highway/Van Go" should be the quarterly winner even if it was last night and not last week. I'm still laughing about that one.
2018-05-29 12:39:17 PM  
What exactly do you mean by "doing lines with Peppa Pig"?  That can have a few different meanings
2018-05-29 02:32:05 PM  

1nsanilicious: What exactly do you mean by "doing lines with Peppa Pig"?  That can have a few different meanings

That was the point of the headline, and why it made it as one of the HotWs.​0

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