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Putting on your robe and wizard hat, bad house elves, and J.A.I.L.-O.: these are your Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-22 to Sat 2018-04-28
Posted by Blythe at 2018-05-01 1:24:08 PM (15 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog, Donald Trump, Canadian female Trump, Trump friend Sebastian, Donald Trump Jr, new common core, southern New Mexico, new cotton projects, J. A. I.
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2210 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2018 at 1:47 PM (1 year ago) | | share: more»
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Thanks to all our submitters and TotalFark voters! Here are your Headlines of the Week!
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-22 to Sat 2018-04-28:
Maybe you should just stay indoors from now on
England succumbs to Labour Party
This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is someone else's
Dobbe arrested for running over woman. Bad house-elf
Worst. Bikini. Trim. Ever
New app can now tell cannabis users how high they are. Tests range from measuring how much Cheetos dust is on your fingertips, to whether or not you laugh at Dane Cook performances
Scientists find evidence that the Neandertals might have sailed the Mediterranean 130,000 years ago, possibly searching for a lost 'H'
Today's lesson in the new new new common core math: Babies-R-Us + voodoo + evils spirits + box cutter = Florida
A total of four barrels containing radioactive sludge at a nuclear site were found to have ruptured, according to spokesman Simpson. SIMPSON?
Whoever left Grandma at Whole Foods 2-3 years ago, please claim her before they throw her out
We're all enjoying our visit to the Sunshine State - OMG there's a guy with a machete
Scientists discover 15,000-year-old giant sloth footprints in southern New Mexico. It could be all the way up to Albuquerque by now
Cosby Verdict: J. A. I. L. - O
Remember, when rubbing vigorously... try not to shoot one off in your hand
Police looking for a connection between two heads found 150 miles away, fear the work of separatists
Missing 12-year-old safely located in Rifle. Man, that's one skinny kid
Only 1 out of every 59 kids in America is fully vaccinated
Matt Kenseth is not done wrecking Joey Logano
Tom Brady says he'll be back to piss off the rest of the NFL for at least one more season
PGA Tour is making a deal to host a tournament in Detroit next year. Grounds crew to be called Mow Town
Yu's on 2nd. What? No, Yu
Put on your robe and wizard hat
'Incognito mode' doesn't actually mean you are fully incognito. Next you're going to tell me the 'turbo button' doesn't actually mean your computer goes into turbo speed
Low-dose hyaluronidase can remove hyaluronic acid fillers. As if this wasn't already common knowledge
Three new cotton projects head into space. They expect good results because cotton breathes so well
Star Trek found to violate Canadian TV's Prime Directive
The Rock's girlfriend has had a pebble
Stormy Daniels releases her first porn video since coming public about affair with Trump, sadly not titled "On the President's Staff" (NSFW content on page)
Allison Mack's safe word is "five million dollars"
Pikachu outbreak in Yokahama. Probably should see the doctor about getting something to clear that up
Producer Paul Junger-Witt gone. Thank you for being a friend. Confused? You won't be after reading his obit
What is the strategy for the GOP midterms? They are going with one of the classics
Canadian female Trump fans? That don't impress me much
Brave Sir Milo retreated from NYC bar
If you give a Nazi $5k he'll happily endorse you. Sorry, I mean "pay a speaking fee to Trump friend Sebastian Gorka"
All shell breaks loose as McConnell panics
Rudy Giuliani's plan to end the Russia probe just collapsed, becoming the third thing to crumble on his watch due to lack of shared intelligence
Trump's MD Ronny Jackson advocates withdrawal method
Setti drops out of governor's race, will continue search for extraterrestrials
Democratic Super PAC donates to Republican Primary Candidate to help Democratic Joe Manchin keep his seat, on today's episode of "What? Why? Don't do that"
The Trump administration is like roman candles set off in a phone booth
But Russia's emails (that don't look good for Donald Trump Jr)
Alaska Airlines will require a doctor's note for emotional support animals, and will no longer allow "amphibians, goats and animals with hooves, tusks or horns." So traveling with an emotional support crocodile or lobster is still possible, in theory
Overstock creates an ICO so you can buy a frankencycle that will never exist. The Aristocryptos
Ford announces that they will only sell two cars in all their dealerships next year. That doesn't seem like a lot of cars
Targeted marketing superfail
T-Mobile and Sprint, the "Will-they-won't-they" of the mobile world, are dating again
Share any unique superstitions you may have here, no matter how odd they may be
Having no other important stories to report on, The Guardian tackles the tough questions like: "Is it weird to eat the same sandwich for lunch every day?"
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