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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-15 to Sat 2018-04-21
Posted by Blythe at 2018-04-24 11:52:58 AM (2 comments) | Permalink

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2537 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Apr 2018 at 11:52 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-15 to Sat 2018-04-21:

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  Sub banned for hitting first graders. Sounds more dom to me

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  If you're a teacher who cannot read or right, are you even a teacher?

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  April is STD awareness month. Not like any of you have to worry about that though. Just be aware. If anyone comes to your basement and asks you about it make sure you know that April is STD awareness month

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  Federal judge: "Transgender people are a protected class, so take your transgender military ban and tuck it"

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  Argument between two golfers leaves a hole in one

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  Pygmy whale dies after stranding itself on Florida beach. Jumbo shrimp, military intelligence to attend funeral

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  2 fatal semi wrecks leave Southern California's morning rush hour paralyzed with 4 separate SigAlerts. Farkers may post "what's a SigAlert?" to the right while SoCal Farkers may go with "what's rush hour?"

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  Wait, wait. Don't leave me, Carl

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  Delta flight to Florida blows tire. Hey, we all have our kinks

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  Apparently Google gives great advice on how to rob banks, but neglects to mention you should clear your search history afterwards

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  When we figure out how far Earth is from those things in the sky, we'll let you know

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  That explosive Southwest Airlines engine is in use on over 8000 Boeing 737s. Can we please be allowed to bring our own booze on board now?

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  25% of Americans can't make it to 9 AM without cursing. Apparently the rest are telecommuters

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  Miguel Diaz-Canal replaces Raul Castro as Cuba's president, finally achieving what sixty years of CIA assassination attempts could not

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  One third of the Great Barrier Reef was killed by the 2016 heatwave, but on the bright side it was bleached so white that it can wait all day at Starbucks and not be harassed by anyone

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  Former 9-1-1 operator who hung up on callers "thousands of times" will serve 10 days in jail before starting in her new role as a Comcast customer support manager

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  Logic files for divorce. Tired of not being used these days

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  Scissors assault ended when police show up with rock

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  Ducks caught speeding by Swiss speed cameras, manage to avoid hefty bill


Sports:

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  "Syracuse coach surprises QB with [testicular] cancer," in what has to be the worst motivational ploy in the history of organized sports

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  Gutekunst, are you paying attention? Friggin C.J. Anderson is available. Offer him all the cheese curds and kringle he wants

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  Colon blows a perfect no-no

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  Andersen says YOU SHALL NOT PASS

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  NHL player arrested in Phoenix. Everybody Panik

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  I'm a shark. I'm a shark. Cancel your contest. I'm a shaaark


Geek:

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  Princess's castle may have been found. Game over, man

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  Quantum physicists hit a new entanglement record. You just read this somewhere else

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  Boy finds treasure from the Danish King Bluetooth. The glories of Prince RFID and Emperor WiFi still undiscovered

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  Python has a sex party, Unix has a D&D gathering

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  Researchers create new Bose-Einstein condensate, are excited over the prospect of relatively decent mini-speakers

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  The National Institute of Standards and Technology needs your help identifying the weird crap they keep finding in the attic

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  Russia bans 1.8 Million IP addresses to stop Telegrams. Why didn't they just cut the wires?

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  University Researchers make breakthrough in Nonlinear Mathematics, leading to Pre-Sentient Algorithms and eventually Digital Sentience. Subby's now certain we're just drones living in a Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri game

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  Deadmau5 i5 making a fp5 game

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  Remember when NASA lost a Mars probe in 1999 because of a metric / imperial conversion mistake? It was more complicated than that, as this article written 19 years ago so thoroughly explains in excruciating detail, back when folks had attention spans

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  Scientists 'confident' that polygon features seen on Mars were formed by MUD, speculate they cover a maze of twisty underground passages, all alike


Entertainment:

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  John Cena and Nikki Bella break up. It's real to them, dammit

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  Ohhhhhh, who's murdering inhabitants under the sea? Death Note SquarePants. With a pen and some paper and a face full of glee, Death Note SquarePants

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  In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Hot Pants. Amen

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  Article on how to introduce your kid to horror movies. Difficulty: No TV news channels

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  Country Music star Randy Scruggs to permanently lie flatt

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  Smallville cultist Chloe collared


Politics:

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  Nice sentiment, but we hate to inform you that a) he doesn't drink alcohol, and b) he ain't letting you in to the U.S. unless you miraculously turn white, European, and preferably rich. But like we said, nice sentiment

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  Mike Pence's national security aide steps down, having lasted a record 0.2 Scaramuccis

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  Citing cat's bowling night and need to wash hair, Steven Molo says he is unable to join Trump legal team

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  25,000 people march for science in Seattle. Anti-science march to be held as soon as organizers figure out how to communicate without the internet or telephones

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  GOP lawmaker claims to have never heard Trump speak

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  Nikki Haley: "You know what? I don't like the looks of the underside of this bus"

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  Trump: Stormy's sketch is fake. It doesn't even look like the guy we paid to scare her

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  Rep Adam Schiff introduces the Abuse of the Pardon Prevention Act that would allow Congress to determine whether a pardon is an effort to obstruct justice. House GOP does The Hustle

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  Scott Pruitt Is Now Being Investigated By The House of Representatives, Senate, White House, Office of Management and Budget, Government Accountability Office, EPA IG, Inspector Gadget, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Magnum PI and the Scooby Gang

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  The odds Trump will be able to end the Mueller probe are now 9/11

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  Bernie Sanders, 76, disappoints sex workers

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  Jared Kushner's documents turn plaid as document shredders set to ludicrous speed

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  Pom-PEEE-O. Pom-PEE-EE-EE-EE-O. Daylight come and he ain't got the votes


Business:

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  Credit Suisse tires of shaking the Heinz bottle, gets the knife out

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  Merck is selling its consumer goods to P&G so it can focus on its core competency: financially killing people through medicine

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  Community Chest: BANK ERROR IN YOUR FAVOR ... COLLECT $35 BILLION

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  World debt reaches a record $164 trillion. Which raises the question - Who gets to foreclose on the planet?


Discussion:

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  Farker Planes and the missus travel to a place where rolls of John Wayne toilet paper are a big seller, proclaiming on the wrapper that the product is "rough, tough, and doesn't take crap from anyone", making one wonder how the stuff works

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  Why the hell do we eat eggs for breakfast anyway? It's not like they came before chicken nuggets that we can eat anytime of the day

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  Battle for the overhead bin is still fierce even after they stopped stuffing pets in there

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  And a one and a two and a how drunk are you?

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  Driver's dash cam catches ice flying off of big rig and smashing windshield. American car? Horizontal video? Impact at 2 seconds into the not-an-autoplay? Nicely done

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  Let's consider the Frankly sUbtle art of sneaking a Certain expletive into a pg-13 movie, and the impossibility of slipping one into a farK submission
· · ·

2 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2018-04-24 08:52:30 PM  
Where are all the comments?
 
2018-04-24 09:26:59 PM  
At the bottom of the page.
 
Displayed 2 of 2 comments


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