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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-08 to Sat 2018-04-14
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2018-04-17 10:47:05 AM (1 comment) | Permalink
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1053 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2018 at 11:07 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

And we're back with this week's edition of Headlines of the Week. We had math puns, we had cow puns, we had food container puns, along with some nice pop culture references. If you want to get in on the voting, head over to the TotalFark signup page so you can get in on the action and help decide what gets the admins' attention to make the main page, as well as what makes this list here and eventually our Headline of the Year contest.

For some great tips on writing headlines more likely to get the greenlight, see our Submitting Links page. And you'll always have a better chance at a green on the weekends, when we tend to get fewer submissions - especially in the mornings.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it again this time next week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-08 to Sat 2018-04-14:  Cattle loose on Oklahoma I-44 after semi overturns. Steer clear  $17,500 rock signed by Yoko is stolen. Oh no  If you had Michael Cohen as the next in Trump's circle to have offices raided, come own down and claim your prize, which originated with questionable sources and was routed through an LLC, and only after you've signed an NDA  ♫ Drugs... Exciting to do / But the cops... Were expecting you / The Drug Boat... Soon will be making another run / The Drug Boat... Next time try coke balloons up your bum... ♫  Instagram works to crack down on drug sales using hashtags. Heh, hash-tags  Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive  Ack, ack... Ack, ack, ack... Ack, ACK, ACK, ack  Man who just moved to New Jersey 10 months ago wins $533 million record lotto jackpot, largest ever in New Jersey. Still lives in New Jersey  Man in Tesco parking lot attacked by axe-wielding maniac. That body spray is dangerous stuff  On this day in 1912, Titanic passengers dine on roast beef, iceberg lettuce, saltwater taffy

Sports:  Bus driver at Commonwealth Games mistakenly takes Grenada women's beach volleyball team to shooting range 95km away. No word on what could have possibly distracted him  If you play The Game of Life with Milton Bradley, batteries are now included  Wrestling legend Jerry "The King" Lawler almost came and went at the same time

Geek:  Hyperloop One up to 240 mph now, will reach 670 mph by 2021. Seems like awfully slow acceleration  Mexico has eliminated measles, unlike the US where a 2017 outbreak resulted in 79 cases. Seems they've been taking the vaccinations Americans don't want  UK carries out a cyber-attack on ISIS. Seven TRS-80s and a couple of Colecovisions thought to be "severely compromised"

Entertainment:  Game of Thrones star Sophie Turner reviews sausages. Theon Greyjoy's notably missing  Bruce Willis will be this year's Comedy Central Roastee. Now he'll know what a TV dinner feels like  TV producer arrested in death of deaf sister. No hearing expected

Politics:  NSC mouth departs as ass comes in  Trump may seek a coalition, a Partnership if you will, of countries surrounding or perhaps Transitioning over the Pacific Ocean to deal with trade with China. If only there was some sort of trade deal with those countries  Paul Ryan has to be at the gym in 30 weeks

Business:  Citigroup not OK with pot store, Citidank, using their logo. Oddly OK with brothel, Citiyank, doing the same  Tupperware lowers 1Q sales estimates and revenue. Analysts say their fate is sealed  In-N-Out sues rival Down N' Out in what they hope will be an Open-N-Shut case
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2018-04-17 10:56:39 AM  
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