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Rudy Giuliani's divorce, defensive termites, and where you can still buy ivory in the UK. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-01 to Sat 2018-04-07
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2018-04-10 11:14:45 AM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1263 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2018 at 11:53 AM (1 year ago) | | share: more»
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Welcome back for another edition of Fark's Headlines of the Week, where your votes select the funniest headlines each and every seven days. If you'd like a better idea of what admins look for in selecting which headlines get greenlit, check out our headline submission tips. And as a reminder, we tend to get fewer submissions on the weekends, so your headline stands a better chance of getting greened if you submit it then.
Thanks to all the submitters, and congratulations to this week's winners - you know who you are.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-01 to Sat 2018-04-07:
Indian woman fights off tiger with stick. She's lucky it didn't just use its claws instead
Weather alert for the Vice City, Los Santos, San Fierro and Las Venturas metro areas
Rudy Giuliani has been sent divorce papers. He claims it is 50/50, meaning his wife will get 455.5
Montana residents given Easter eggs containing neo-Nazi leaflets, presumably from basket of deplorables
Police officer claims he smells marijuana on man, uses that as excuse to put his hands down his pants. Something about this story just feels nuts
Coyote spotted in Great Falls, each ending in tiny puff of dust
Fearing a backlash, many meat producers aren't labeling their meat as "halal" even though it is. Which means you've probably been eating halal meat without knowing it. Ha-ha, you're a Muslim now
Termite inspector finds anti-tank grenade in woman's basement. Those little bastards weren't going to give up without a fight
Four alarm metaphor breaks out at Trump Tower in NYC
Nick Saban decides that they'll just ignore LeBron's copyright infringement claims. I mean it is Alabama football, they get away with a lot bigger violations than that
New Orleans Saints running back Mark Ingram mauled by guard dog. Your dog wants a Lombardi trophy
Martian landscape looks like bacteria, gets my staph all erect
MIT researchers create headset that lets you communicate without speaking. My middle finger does the exact same thing
Elon Musk, discussing artificial intelligence, warns we will all be forced to serve under an immortal robot dictator whose power we can never escape. Cool. So things WILL improve
After Bill O'Reilly tries to snark on John Legend's portrayal of Jesus, tweeting "Who knew Jesus of Nazareth ran a tattoo parlor?" Legend's fiance Chrissy Teigen goes for the throat: "Yes, The shop specializes in coverups that aren't $32 million"'
Dave Chappelle sued by man who threw a banana at him. Experts predict an unfavorable ruling will be tossed on a peel
Stevie Wonder sends out first tweet to pay tribute to MLK. Content of Tweet: "Fgij$%^pdf[a asr[ goj34 [sm# SH 3456y awxbhd69852198//-dfhg+=-,5 sp[goa]-9vbm aergb"
Kellyanne Conway is the number one leaker in Washington, DC. Rick Santorum is still number two
Former Nunes staffer says that Trump corrupted Nunes. "The pressure from the White house was just too great." Devin? I think we'll let Dostoevsky finish this headline: "Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing"
Mueller team searches and questions Russian oligarch at a New York airport, finds progressively smaller oligarchs nested inside
1 in 4 Americans never carry cash. Mostly because it's hard to carry something you haven't had since 2008
UK to ban ivory sales in 99 44/100% of the country
Chinese Investor pulling out of Hilton, citing one-year itch, the herp, the clap, and a raging case of gonorrhea
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