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The limit on homeless is announced, beavers get pounded, and the dominoes begin to fall. These are your Headlines Of The Week from Sun 2017-11-26 to Sat 2017-12-02
Posted by Blythe at 2017-12-04 11:10:44 AM (3 comments) | Permalink

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2321 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Dec 2017 at 11:59 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Thanks submitters for so many awesome headlines this week and thanks to our TotalFark voters for voting up the best!  We love all our submissions!  To make it to Headline of the Week they have to be funny, creative, look at the article in a new amazing way, make us laugh while giving us context why we should care - the headlines that you can show to your spouse, your kids, your parents, your co-workers, and the person at the bar next to you and say *this* is Fark.

Check out the NotNewsletter for an overview of the tabs and a call-out to a few of our favorites - and here in Headline of the Week is all of the very best!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-11-26 to Sat 2017-12-02:  City opens first free homeless vending machine. Limit three homeless per customer  In today's "Weird or Cool from Japan", Tokyo seems to be catering to Fark Admins lately  Hallucination machine can replicate the effects of shrooming, but unplugging it hasn't made the glowing cube stop yodeling for six farking days  Attempted mass shooter suffers a severe case of Acute Failure of the Victim Selection Process  I'm not saying it was Heisenberg, but it was probably Heisenberg  Mayor who also dressed up as the town Santa Claus busted for hiring a prostitute through Craigslist. Ho Ho Ho  10 amazing reasons why big tech should subsidize real journalism. You won't believe what happens next  4.1 earthquake hits the DelMarVa peninsula, reeking havoc on lawn chairs everywhere  A horse is a horse, of course, of course. That is, of course, unless that horse has a DNA test that reveals that it is not quite a horse. Go right to the source and ask the fossil horse. He'll give you the answer that Darwin endorsed  Group looking for perfect Christmas tree in woods finds partially naked kidnap victim. Good luck getting that person to stay in the tree stand all season long now  ☞///|||||||||||  Man cooks his own breakfast after Waffle House rolls our their new self-service business model  What's New Yorker for "Hey, ya'll, hold my beer"?

Sports:  Beavers pounded harder than ever before by the D, eventually give up 69  Answer: Pretty much throws everything into chaos and shows the need for an eight-team playoff. Any more questions?  Now that I think about, nobody ever sees Carson Wentz and Prince Harry in the same room  The Giants really screwed up Eli Manning's exit, says the headline that is three words too long  The New York Jets can become winners again if they could only find 53 players just like safety Jamal Adams  Tiger Woods returns to competitive golf. Well, golf anyway  You know how when you're playing basketball with your kid nephew on a 6-foot rim and you tell him you're going to let him shoot but you block his shot straight into the ground? Lebron James did that in an NBA game

Geek:  This day in 1922, archaeologists enter the tomb of King Tut, discover Geraldo Rivera  What's past is prologue, but the future may be analog  Artificial Intelligence creates a lullaby. Sleep tight  Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping pong ping  Police in Germany identify radioactive playing cards at a restaurant. They were tipped off when somebody played a three-eyed jack  Archaeologists in Britain discover a site dating back to Caesar's salad days  TnemirepxE mutnauQ ni emiT fo worrA esreveR stsitneicS  TL;DR  Voyager 1 fires up its trajectory thrusters for the first time since 1980 and they work just fine. Meanwhile, your car starts up funny any time you let it sit for two days

Entertainment:  After GWAR guitarist diagnosed with bone-marrow cancer, thousands sign up for bone-marrrow donor registry, chance to be slain and devoured  Liam Gallagher tells crown in New York that Americans only know one Oasis song. And I said, "Maybe"  7 things to do in Detroit if Morrissey cancels his concert. Article to the left, other suggestions to the right. Also to the right, speculation why TFA uses 'if' instead of 'when'  Actor James Woods witnessed a robbery while playing poker in Vegas. He wasn't much help to the police, however, as the robbers distracted him with a piece of candy

Politics:  The United States is running out of Muslim Clerics. To be fair, they may get a +1 versus infidels but they can't turn undead  What is Navajo for "What an asshole"?  The person in charge of overhauling the State Dept. resigns abruptly, thereby doing the ultimate overhaul in life choices  Breitbart writer revealed to be administrator of page where users regularly post racist and sexist content, as well as support for far-right groups. Also, he runs a secret racist and sexist Facebook group  Trump administration shuts down office responsible for implementing Russia sanctions Trump didn't want but Congress passed with a veto-proof majority but which Trump was stalling on implementing. Confused? You won't be after you watch the latest episode of "Dope"  Nearly half a million Russians really hate net neutrality  Paul Ryan uses advanced political calculotometry to justify the shocking revelation that recent North Korean missile tests REQUIRE Congress to pass the Trump tax bill  Rexit  Jeff Sessions meeting with House Intelligence Committee today, if he remembers  The GOP shouldn't insert triggers in the tax bill that undo the tax cuts if the magical thinking they're based on fails to create growth, like every OTHER time it's been tried, because that's just pessimism, and who needs that kind of negativity?  FBI setting up task force to fight against Trump's reelection campaign  Republicans now handwriting changes into the margins of the tax bill. How it will affect the poor and middle class to be indicated by emoji

Business:  London's office development slowing, most likely stuck in traffic  Long story short: Synopsys upgraded  New report says 70% of American adults shopped over the Thanksgiving weekend. Not to buy any presents, but just to get some time away from the relatives  HEAR YE, HEAR YE. Budweiser's lawyers hath the best heads

Discussion:  Suffering from hedonic escalation? Want to?  An embittered Santa, a reindeer with poor body image, and an elf who desires to come out of the closet as a dentist team up for...wait, what exactly IS the moral of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? (8pm, CBS)  There once was a TV show called Riverdale. All of the actors were paid close to scale. Hot Dog desperately tries to find a tree, tonight on the CW, 8PM ET, you don't want to see what happens if he fails  Is the period dead? How social media has killed the period well, it's a good thing Fark doesn't remove periods from the headlines that would be awkward  There are two types of people: Those that believe 'Die Hard' is a Christmas movie, and those that are wrong  When did it become okay to end a sentence with a preposition? Or, another possible title: You're old
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3 Comments     (+0 »)
2017-12-04 11:58:45 AM  
It seems that only my obvious headlines make HOTY, instead of my best ones.
2017-12-04 12:12:20 PM  

WelldeadLink: It seems that only my obvious headlines make HOTY, instead of my best ones.

HOTW. That's hot.
2017-12-04 12:53:40 PM  
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