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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-11-12 to Sat 2017-11-18
Posted by Blythe at 2017-11-20 11:20:06 AM (20 comments) | Permalink

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1419 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2017 at 11:21 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Thank you to our submitters and thank you to our TotalFark voters for our Headline of the Week choices!

We love all our headlines, but to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, look at the world sideways - so you can show the headline to the person looking over your shoulder asking why you're laughing, and tell them *this* is Fark.

Check out the NotNewsletter for a quick summary of our tabs this week - and here are your top headlines!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-11-12 to Sat 2017-11-18:

img.fark.net  Naked man stabbed to death in Oklahoma City probably didn't plan on being in this headline

img.fark.net  Only pay phone near Ice Caves to be removed, further threatening Clark Kent's ability to change into Superman

img.fark.net  "Welcome aboard United Flight 1867. If you look out at the starboard wing, you'll see our in-flight meal of roasted, pureed seagull being prepared in the engine"

img.fark.net  It's great and all when the U.S. takes a principled stand and refuses to sell weapons for ethical reasons, but those countries always end up hungry for fancy laser-guided artillery shells an hour later anyway

img.fark.net  Meanwhile in Osaka, thousands of tourists flock to brightly painted garbage incinerator, some of them mistaking it for Universal Studios Japan theme park. Furnace shoulda told 'em

img.fark.net  Now there're some folk 'round these parts who'll tell ya they remember a time when the "days since a mass shooting" sign sometimes had two digits on it, but, I think they must be very old, or very great liars

img.fark.net  Family wakes up to stranger stomping on roof. No fiddle was recovered

img.fark.net  Danish police detain a man for stealing Copenhagen's public benches, resisting a rest

img.fark.net  Inmate's execution called off because there's no vein. You probably think this headline's about you, don't you?

img.fark.net  Peacock at Calgary Zoo briefly becomes part of interactive exhibit with lion

img.fark.net  Escaped macadamia nut captured in Northern California

img.fark.net  Explorer has gone missing in Papua New Guinea while searching for a tribe of headhunters. So I guess he found them

img.fark.net  Quake halts South Korea's big exam, which is odd, as they're more Starcraft/RTS players than FPS fanatics

img.fark.net  Police: We knew he had a stockpile of guns, and we knew he was in violation of a court order barring him from having guns. We just waited until the inevitable happened before we tried to stop him

img.fark.net  It's like a heart attaaaack, at a Heart Association conference. It's needing a stent, when you're AHA President. It's being a cardiologist, but needing one yourself. Who would have thought it, tickers

img.fark.net  In the Navy ... You can sign up to learn to fly. In the Navy ... And draw a penis in the sky

img.fark.net  Report: Farc money launderer gave money to Trump's Panama resort, which could now face further investigations, but on the plus side is now signed up for 1000 years of TotalFarc

img.fark.net  20 tons of meatballs lost after truck crashes on icy road in Sweden. Authorities investigating if somebody sneezed

img.fark.net  If strip clubs didn't have a minimum age limit for patrons, this whole thing could have been avoided

img.fark.net  Today's Fark $5/Month Pyramid clues: "beyond vulgar to think of," "flabbergasted," "threat of electrical sparks and fire"

img.fark.net  Colorado voters elect convicted murderer to school board. Apparently he's a proponent of the program "No Child Left Alive"

img.fark.net  If you get a call from your own number, don't answer it. It's not you

img.fark.net  The hunt for the Rojo Octubre?

img.fark.net  Mount Shasta Named "Most Charming Ski Town." Mount Fresca and Mount Aindew demand recount

img.fark.net  Boaty McBoatface is so OVAH. Meet Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti Slip Machiney. And David Plowie


Sports:

img.fark.net  John Fox challenge considered one of the worst in NFL history. Your move, Andy Reid

img.fark.net  Lane Kiffin wants ESPN College Gameday to go to Florida Atlantic University, since they actually are quite relevant this year

img.fark.net  Wait, were they playing for the same team the whole time?

img.fark.net  LaVar told to take his Ball and go home


Geek:

img.fark.net  What's the secret to a truly energy efficient building? Don't let people use it

img.fark.net  MO Attorney General Josh Hawley files lawsuit against Google, citing data collection and search manipulation. When asked for comment, Google said to look up "Josh Hawley is a" in a day or two

img.fark.net  Scientists discover that mushrooms contain anti-aging elements which can be unlocked by diving into the liquid river of holistic blood while riding the Serpent of Prophets down the eternal cosmos of tranquil stars

img.fark.net  Imagine having a Beowulf cluster of Raspberry Pi. Yum

img.fark.net  Tecmo defeats Chinese pirates, probably with Bo Jackson, ninjas, and jiggle physics

img.fark.net  Images of dogs with humans 8,000 years ago in sandstone. Human appears to be holding a steak

img.fark.net  Australia's body farm has a waiting list of over 500 donors. I suppose when everything in your country tries to kill you, you wind up with a lot of bodies


Entertainment:

img.fark.net  And here's the best farkin' news you motherfarkin' corksuckers will hear today: Filming on the farkin' Deadwood movie may start as early as next farkin' fall

img.fark.net  John Grisham announces immediate retirement

img.fark.net  Tom Cruise to potentially appear in film about California-based cult. So... a documentary?


Politics:

img.fark.net  Roy Moore now trails in latest poll, released moments ago. So it may be too young

img.fark.net  I'm a little Teapot Dome short and stout, here is my national security, here is my allegation of treason pout

img.fark.net  Jeff Sessions has six different stories about Russia, which puts him right into Harry Potter territory

img.fark.net  Another Republican state representative who champions family values resigned because yadda yadda. You know the drill. Why bother even submitting a link at this point? Maybe if he was a furry, or a juggalo, or a furry juggalo, it might be interesting

img.fark.net  Esper confirmed by the Senate for top Pentagon job. The Corps is Mother, the Corps is Father

img.fark.net  Birmingham Young Republicans formally renounce their endorsement of Roy Moore, leaving dyslexic Alabamans confused as to why the Mormons were supporting Moore in the first place

img.fark.net  Oh god. Seven former female Staffers of Sen Al Franken have come forward to speak out and say ...*cringe*... "he treated us with the utmost respect," *peeks from behind fingers* Really? Well, alright then

img.fark.net  That's a feature, not a bug

img.fark.net  So apparently Jim Bakker has a lot of pancake mix he REALLY needs to clear out of the warehouse

img.fark.net  Trump reconsiders elephant trophy ban after remembering to which party he belongs

img.fark.net  Listen, and understand. The President is on Twitter. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever

img.fark.net  An analysis of winners and losers in the new House tax bill. (TL;dr) Winners: rich people. Losers: everyone else. There, that saved a thousand words


Business:

img.fark.net  Because "share the wealth" has always been the mantra of American businessmen

img.fark.net  Following release of Bitcoin Cash, which was designed to fix flaw in Bitcoin, another cryptocurrency Bitcoin Gold launched to fix another flaw. Expect new Bitcoin Silver, Crystal, Ruby and Sapphire to launch soon. Gotta catch 'em all

img.fark.net  ¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢ ↑ %%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%

img.fark.net  I'm not saying we're about to have a huge financial crisis, but stocks are flashing an ominous signal that the Hindenburg is about to hit the Titanic

img.fark.net  Let's visit Christmas Village, where Amazon's elves work tirelessly to make your holiday memorable

img.fark.net  Amazon Key. It's a lot like Ocean's Eleven, with your home playing the part of The Bellagio

img.fark.net  Too many publications serve too few eyeballs through too few sharing platforms, meaning no more VC returns. Digital media is crashing, and nobody wants to talk about it because their funding depends on it. Except for our Heineken-swilling overlord


Discussion:

img.fark.net  Rabies causes hydrophobia. The contagious froth saliva that the infected gets can't be swallowed due to this and increases the chance to infect others. Now you share something freaky with the rest of the class

img.fark.net  The Pentagon is set to make a big push toward open source software next year. What could possibly wrong? Seriously, what do you think?

img.fark.net  "Pizza with soy sauce is life," says person on Twitter, Subby would scoff, but he has more than once poured cocktail sauce to eat pizza with. What kind of atrocity do you commit onto your pizza?

img.fark.net  They tried to warn us about man spreaders but we did not listen. Farkers, share your stories of public transport nightmares
· · ·

20 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2017-11-20 11:31:59 AM  
I am startled that one of mine made it.
 
2017-11-20 11:34:25 AM  
Three of mine made it, thats pretty cool and makes me want to share more stuff. .
 
2017-11-20 11:54:40 AM  

IcedTorch: Three of mine made it, thats pretty cool and makes me want to share more stuff. .


start with you credit card and social security numbers, and mother's maiden name
 
2017-11-20 11:59:26 AM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: IcedTorch: Three of mine made it, thats pretty cool and makes me want to share more stuff. .

start with you credit card and social security numbers, and mother's maiden name


I feel sorry for those who steal my identity. The only thing you'll get from me is an empty bank account and a lifetime of abstract disappointment
 
2017-11-20 12:00:42 PM  
You know who really made headlines? Charles Manson. Get it?
 
2017-11-20 12:23:37 PM  
Woo!  Got my first headline into HOTW!  And of course it's one that I consider not my best.  I'll just have to do more B5 refs in the future, I guess.
 
2017-11-20 12:29:28 PM  
HOTW 2016  - Absolute best 25 headlines from all tabs (10,3,3,3,3,3) demonstrating clever word play, inventiveness, quick wit, and  chosen NOT strictly by voting but by humor and well-thought out creativity.

HOTW 2017 -  62 (or more)  mediocre to poor headline chosen strictly by voting, with more than half being totally forgettable, unfunny and lacking of creativity.

Less is more. Quality over quantity.
 
2017-11-20 01:08:13 PM  

Principal Clarinet: HOTW 2016  - Absolute best 25 headlines from all tabs (10,3,3,3,3,3) demonstrating clever word play, inventiveness, quick wit, and  chosen NOT strictly by voting but by humor and well-thought out creativity.

HOTW 2017 -  62 (or more)  mediocre to poor headline chosen strictly by voting, with more than half being totally forgettable, unfunny and lacking of creativity.

Less is more. Quality over quantity.


You must be fun at autopsies
 
2017-11-20 01:46:41 PM  
Stupid question:  how do I look at my profile to see which headlines of mine have been greenlit?
 
2017-11-20 01:53:26 PM  

Naido: Stupid question:  how do I look at my profile to see which headlines of mine have been greenlit?


I would be interested in that information also.
 
2017-11-20 01:53:59 PM  

Naido: Stupid question:  how do I look at my profile to see which headlines of mine have been greenlit?


Go to "myFark" on top of this page...there click on "recent" you'll see out greenlights (and your most awesome and superfunny submissions that didn't go green even though they totally should have) listed.
 
2017-11-20 01:54:43 PM  

ParallelUniverseParking: Naido: Stupid question:  how do I look at my profile to see which headlines of mine have been greenlit?

Go to "myFark" on top of this page...there click on "recent" you'll see out greenlights (and your most awesome and superfunny submissions that didn't go green even though they totally should have) listed.


Shortcut: https://www.fark.com/users/0/recent
 
2017-11-20 01:56:59 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: ParallelUniverseParking: Naido: Stupid question:  how do I look at my profile to see which headlines of mine have been greenlit?

Go to "myFark" on top of this page...there click on "recent" you'll see out greenlights (and your most awesome and superfunny submissions that didn't go green even though they totally should have) listed.

Shortcut: https://www.fark.com/users/0/recent


Stop making it so easy for them. Let them work a bit for their successes. Don't you see you are just spoiling them?
 
2017-11-20 02:01:00 PM  

ParallelUniverseParking: Stop making it so easy for them. Let them work a bit for their successes. Don't you see you are just spoiling them?


That's a good point. I need to crack the whip around here. Changing my name to GetItYourselfMonkey.
 
2017-11-20 02:06:33 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: ParallelUniverseParking: Stop making it so easy for them. Let them work a bit for their successes. Don't you see you are just spoiling them?

That's a good point. I need to crack the whip around here. Changing my name to GetItYourselfMonkey.


That's the spirit. Fear will hold the local Fark chapters in line.
 
2017-11-20 02:06:43 PM  

ParallelUniverseParking: Naido: Stupid question:  how do I look at my profile to see which headlines of mine have been greenlit?

Go to "myFark" on top of this page...there click on "recent" you'll see out greenlights (and your most awesome and superfunny submissions that didn't go green even though they totally should have) listed.


Thankewverymuch guys. I do all my stuff mobile so I never would have found it.
 
2017-11-20 02:28:32 PM  
Double my pleasure as two of mine made it.
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2017-11-20 03:16:28 PM  
16 years and I finally get a headline of the week.

I'm ok with that, since I submit maybe two a year.  But I'll step up my game, because that's the kind of love I have for all of you.
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2017-11-20 03:54:20 PM  
Since I'm just talking to myself here, we haven't done HOTW for the whole time, so it's not technically 16 years.  So maybe 8 or 9 years.  But still!!
 
2017-11-20 08:00:05 PM  
Hey.  I got one.  I don't think I've ever had one before.  Cool.

/for a certain level of cool
//A very low level
 
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