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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-10-29 to Sat 2017-11-04
Posted by Blythe at 2017-11-06 11:05:51 AM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1178 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Nov 2017 at 11:05 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Thank you thank you to our great submitters and to our TotalFark voters for helping us make Headline of the Week the awesome place it is!

We love all our submissions and headline but Headline of the Week is where we showcase the top funny vote-getters.  Headline of the Week is for those headlines that make you laugh, make you take a double-take because they're so clever, and / or look at the subject in such a unique way that you can share it with your co-worker, your classmate, your boss, your spouse - and say *this* is Fark.

For our Headlines of the Week we usually take the top voted ten funny, Fark-worthy headlines in Main and Politics, the top three in Sports, Geek, and Entertainment, and six in Discussion - three of the multi-sentence type and three of the standard one-line headline.  Some weeks, like this one, we have so many great, top-vote getters that we take extra here and there.   For the NotNewsletter we take it even further, there are so many headlines that we love that just need a few extra votes, so we're showcasing them here - and encouraging you that if you think these kinds of headlines deserved to be in the top, make sure you vote so your favorites really do make it to the top!

Here are your Headlines of the Week picks!  And check out the NotNewsletter for more great headlines!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-10-29 to Sat 2017-11-04:  ♫ I wish I was in / Tijuana / Eating barbecued iguana ♬  One... two... three. Three former Trump officials arrested in the Mueller probe. Ah-ah-ah (Arrest Day discussion thread 2)  Plans to name German high speed train after Anne Frank cause uproar, likely due to people worried about it disappearing somewhere in the Pacific Ocean  500 years ago today, Martin Luther had a dream  "Man critical after bystander pulls him from river". You would think he could show at least a little appreciation for that  Legendary mountain climber Taylor Swift dies at 94  What's poppin' off the top of Papadopoulos' esophagus is rockin' this metropolis  Nurse delivers own baby in car outside hospital where she works. Man what does she know about that hospital that we don't?  California family found safe in the jungle after being kidnapped by Brazilian pirates. Global temperatures seen plummeting  Mark Cuban caught in dragnet  James Taylor arrested for walking down a country road to meet a teen for sex, explains that he's seen lonely times when he could not find a friend  One person escapes as home explodes in Sultan. Man, if they'd had a swing, they'd really have been in dire straits  AWOL reigning champion Bowe Bergdahl avoids prison  I guess if you're Barney Miller, you're allowed to keep a rental car for 30 months past its return date  Silent monks granted permission to convert 19th century monastery to brewery. When reached for comment they responded "__________" and "_______"

Sports:  Former President George W. Bush throws first pitch at Game 5 of World Series, surprising onlookers by missing the field entirely and landing in Iraq instead  Dolphins trade Jay Ajayi to Eagles for a cheesesteak, batteries and a shellshocked Santa  Colin Kaepernick's lawyer says he will be signed in next 10 days. The autographed quarterback will subsequently be put up for auction at Sotheby's  The sports gods giveth, the sports gods taketh away: DeShaun DeKnee DeStroyed  Chariots of Fark

Geek:  Why do lithium-ion batteries explode? I dunno, let's call the linear accelerator people at SLAC to hold our beer while we cryo-freeze one and see what happens  Yes  Scientists discover hidden chamber in Egypt's Great Pyramid, barely avoid giant rolling ball and dart traps  Stephen Hawking says robots will replace humans completely, possibly in that creepy mechanical voice of his  Physicists have finally narrowed down the speed of gravity. Read and C for yourself

Entertainment:  Production on House of Cards is falling like some kind of analogy  Netflix's next original film will be "Tau", a movie about an evil "smart house". Angry math nerds already demanding the movie's name be changed to "2π"  Actress Ellen Barkin scares away burglar from Manhattan home. Which once again shows that criminals will run when they hear Barkin

Politics:  Catalonia's fired leadership shows back up for work after deciding to go Full Costanza  Louisiana Supreme Court, who are apparently BIG comma aficionados, rule that when a suspect said to cops "just give me a lawyer dog" it wasn't clear whether he was invoking his right to counsel or thought he was in a Disney movie with talking animals  Brave Sen Grassley ran away, when Russia reared its ugly head, he bravely tripped on flags and fled  Everyone but US seems to realize it's time to stop watching Nero perform and get down to business. It isn't a little grease fire on the other side of town anymore  John Kelly: Set Deflector Shields To Full Derp  Better collusion. Better relations. Papadopoulos  "The Witch-King of Angmar was an extremely minor cog within the Ringwraith organization and has never had, nor currently has, a relationship with Lord Sauron"  Manafort has three passports, a couple of visas, and we don't even know his real name  DONE: Let you down: ✓ Run around: ✓ Make you cry: ✓ Tell a lie: ✓ Hurt you: ✓ TO DO: Give up, Say goodbye and desert you

Business:  One week after a declared opioid crisis, FDA panel approves an opioid addiction drug by a vote of 18-1. Lone holdout says it can't keep up with the joneses  Yellen: "I SAID, RATES WILL NOT CHANGE"  Twill be the night before Christmas, and all through the factory, workers will toil to keep accounts satisfactory. The stock market is charmed by Musk's promises' glare, but fears that St. Bankruptcy soon will be there

Discussion:  Who could it be now? Mueller is knocking on Trump's door with indictments. Who could it be now that's in trouble when the indictments are unsealed? Who could it be now? It's your waiting for the unsealing of the Mueller indictment thread  SpaceX launches a comsat to GTO with a drone ship landing today. Satellite will be powerful enough to stream every K-Pop song simultaneously. Window opens at 3:34pm ET, webcast starts about 15 minutes prior  "That whole "Scotch and Canadian is 'whisky' and Irish and American is 'whiskey'" thing is tedious, persnickety, ahistorical BS"  Is there anything more troubling than a father-son discussion?  If you take on me, take on me, take me on, take on me but I'll be gone in a day or two...what exactly, if anything, did we accomplish? Seems like a real waste of time
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